Taxi (1978–1983): Season 4, Episode 19 - Tony's Comeback - full transcript
With the help of a new cab driver, Bubba Smith, Tony's boxing career goes on the rise.
(theme song playing)
Hey.
How are you doing?
Good.
How about you?
Oh, pretty good.
Who are you?
Jim Ignatowski.
My name is
Lucius Franklin.
JIM:
Nice to meet you.
Hi. Uh, I'm
Alex Reiger.
I'm Tony Banta.
Elaine Nardo.
Lucius
Franklin.
Hi.
Jim Ignatowski.
Hi, Jim.
Jim, we've been
your friends for
three years.
Oh, then it's high time
we shook hands.
So, uh,
your first day?
Yes, it is.
Is that
a Super
Bowl ring?
Yes, I was
with the Pittsburgh Steelers
when we won it in 1979.
ALEX:
No kidding!
Oh, and they gave you
a ring for that?
How cute.
Elaine, please.
That ring is symbolic.
This is Lucius
Franklin.
Oh.
He-he played on one
of the greatest
football teams of all time.
He played
alongside Terry Bradshaw,
Franco Harris,
Lynn Swann,
John Stallworth...
Tony, Tony, to be quite honest,
I only practiced alongside
of those guys.
I was third string.
I was wondering why
I never heard of you.
Hey, listen, Lucius, um,
if you don't mind, you know,
we're really big football fans,
and we got a lot of questions
we'd like to ask you.
Go right ahead.
I don't mind.
How come you guys
always slap each
other on the butt?
Elaine!
Too personal?
Yes.
Can I ask something?
Don't you miss playing?
Ain't being retired tough?
Oh, I'm not retired.
I got cut last season,
but I'll be back.
I've already written
to a few teams for tryouts.
Hey, that's great, that's great.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Ah, you know,
Lucius,
you're not the
only professional
athlete around here.
(clears throat)
Mr. Banta used to be
a professional boxer.
Yeah, yeah, well, but I...
but I can't come back.
LUCIUS:
Why?
Oh, just because
about a year ago,
the dumb boxing commission
took my license away.
Yeah, it was
a frivolous decision.
They were trying
to save his life.
You still working out?
Oh, sometimes.
Well, if you ever need someone
to work out with,
why don't you let me know?
You mean, you'd work out
with a washed-up
has-been?
No, but I'd work out with you
if you'd stop talking like that.
Well, I'll try.
Uh-huh.
All right, listen up here.
It's time to remind you hacks
just who the boss is.
Now, I understand
we have a new driver today,
and I am gonna make an example
of him.
Uh...
(grunts)
Lucius Franklin,
get your carcass over here!
Oh, I can't wait
to see this.
(goofy growl)
You shut your
mouth, you...
You work for
me, right?!
Right.
Gawsh.
All right, first of all,
look at me,
look at me.
If you don't like the cab
that I assign you,
that's tough.
And secondly...
if you don't like
waiting around for cabs,
that's hard cheese.
I ain't finished.
And finally,
I am not your
answering service.
If the news
of your wretched
little life
is so important
that you must be
reached in my garage,
then that convenience
will cost you
five dollars.
Understood?
Yes.
All right.
Go on, go on.
Wait a minute.
Why did you take that?
When you accept a job,
you play by the rules
and do the best you can.
And you just never
forget that!
But don't ever touch me.
(groans)
LUCIUS:
Come on!
Come on, Tony! Come on, Tony!
Work!
(groans)
51.
(crying)
Come on, man,
work it!
152.
Just two more now.
Two more, Tony.
Two? two, two.
Three.
(crying)
54.
(groans)
Three more!
Three more now.
Come on, Tony,
three more now.
54.
55. Way to work, baby.
Come on, one...
Come on, one more.
56. That's it.
(panting)
Just ten more.
Oh!
My arms feel like
they're gonna fall off!
No pain, no gain.
Yeah.
Besides, you probably
only did 25 good ones.
Where were you
when I was still fighting?
Why? Weren't you
in good shape then?
Oh, yeah. I was
rock solid.
You should have
heard the thud when
I hit the canvas.
Tony, you keep
saying things like that.
But you really miss it,
don't you?
Yeah, I miss it.
Well, I've known
football players
who were gonna retire
because they had a concussion.
But they recovered
and made comebacks.
Yeah, well, I wish
I could do that.
Wishing won't make it happen.
You should go to the doctor
and appeal
to the boxing commission.
Nah, they'd just turn me down,
Lucius.
So you've given up
without even trying?
Well, I don't know.
Okay, I'll try.
I'll go over
there right now.
No, you won't.
Right now you're gonna
do your sit-ups.
I already did 250
sit-ups today.
And only five good ones.
Look, Lucius, I
can't do any more.
I just ain't
got it in me.
Sorry,
but I can't let you quit,
because I wouldn't want you
to let me quit.
We got a symbiotic
relationship, Tony.
Hey, uh, Lucius, uh,
I don't know what you're
getting at here, but...
...but I swear, I'm not the
least bit attracted to you.
A symbiotic relationship means
we help each other out.
I push you,
and you push me.
Oh. Phew!
But I guess
I can't push you.
I guess I'm no good.
I guess we'd both better quit.
Oh, finally.
But I'll tell you
something.
And I've never told this
to anyone before,
because I was afraid
they'd laugh at me.
(laughs)
Who'd laugh at you?
That's right.
So I'll tell you.
Every time I think
about somebody quitting,
I think about something
that happened
when I was about this tall.
I had a pet duck.
I'm not laughing.
The duck's name
was Rosalind.
I'm still
not laughing.
Then we're home free.
Ah.
One day, a car ran over
my little duck.
Oh, poor Rosalind.
So I picked her up
off the ground
and started running
to the vet.
I was eight.
It was 12
miles away.
Oh, I got tired,
but every time I wanted
to stop running,
I'd look at that little duck
fluttering in my hand,
and I'd say to myself,
"Do it for the duck."
And I couldn't quit.
Well...
Well, did you make it
to the vet in time?
Yeah. The vet said if I'd
gotten there a minute later,
Rosalind wouldn't
have made it through.
How many sit-ups do you want?
Five thunderball
sit-ups.
Aw, no!
Come on, Tony.
Do it for the duck.
All right.
(groaning)
Oh!
All right.
I'm doing it
for the duck.
(grunts)
(groans)
(grunts)
(groans)
(grunts)
How're you guys doing?
Great.
You know, I've never been
in this good a shape.
Yeah.
I can't
believe it.
We just ran 14 miles
through the streets of New York.
That's because you've never
been pushed hard enough before.
Because I never
felt safe enough before.
(phone ringing)
Yo.
Yeah, there's
a Lucius Franklin here.
Who shall I say is calling?
The Dolphins?
Wow!
I'm talking to a fish.
Excuse me. I-I mean mammal.
Boy, I knew you guys were smart.
From Miami?!
They can dial!
Can I speak
to that fish?
Oh, sure.
Hello.
Boy, now that
they're off the phone,
there were so many things
I wanted to ask.
Oh!
Absolutely.
Thank you very much.
I've got a tryout
with the Miami Dolphins.
All right,
Lucius, yeah!
ALEX:
Lucius.
Hey, when you leaving?
I should catch
a plane tonight.
I'll call Bob Griese
and have him pick me up.
You know Bob Griese?
Know him?
I once broke his ribs.
Ah, the ties
that bind.
Listen, Tony,
I expect you to let me know
as soon as you recertify.
Oh, yeah,
I will, Lucius.
It would be great if
I knew before I left.
Why don't you call them?
Maybe they've already
made the decision.
Oh, I don't...
I don't want to call now
and ruin this good time
for you with my bad news.
Hey, come on, Tony.
No. Call now.
No, come on, do it.
Come on, come on,
call now.
Oh, I'll call.
ELAINE:
Come on.
You need a dime?
I got one.
Yeah, hello.
Uh, this is Tony Banta.
Uh, I had a request in
for a license.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, I ain't
spoiling this party.
No matter what they tell me,
I'm telling you
that I got my license back.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
Sure. Thanks!
I got my license back!
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sure, Tony.
I really did get
my license back!
Yeah, we know, Tony.
I mean it!
Yeah.
I know what I said,
but I mean...
It's okay, Tony.
I really got my license back.
Yeah, sure, Tony.
Hey, if I'm lying,
you could punch me
right in the face.
He got his license back.
ALEX:
You got it back?
(screaming)
Oh, that's great!
That's fantastic!
I did it! I did it!
We did it!
That's terrific, Tony.
But I knew you'd do it.
I just wish I could
celebrate with you,
but I gotta go pack.
Hey, it's been great
knowing all you guys.
Aw, good luck to you.
Hey, we'll be watching
you on TV, Lucius.
Say hello to Flipper.
Good-bye, Lucius.
Bye, Tony.
TONY:
Hey, Lucius...
can I drive you
to the airport?
Sure.
(chuckles)
¶
You know...
I never liked the idea
of Tony boxing,
but there's something
about his coming back
that reminds me of dreams
that I once had,
but then let slip away.
Like what?
No, I can't tell you.
Hmm?
No, it's too silly.
No, come on, like what?
Well...
there was a time when I wanted
to be Miss America.
(laughs)
Why would you want
to be Miss America?
To help mankind
throughout the world
and to uphold the ideals
of the Miss America pageant!
You yutz!
Okay, okay.
Oh, don't be embarrassed.
We all have dreams.
My dreams used to change
constantly.
One minute I wanted to work
for world peace.
The next minute I wanted
to stamp out poverty.
The next minute I wanted to eat
a chocolate chip cookie.
This big.
Hey, Tony!
Hi, Duke.
So, how'd the workout go?
Huh? Get the jab back?
How's your timing
on the speed bag?
I didn't work out today.
What do you mean
you didn't work out today?
You skipped yesterday, too.
I had a reason.
Getting caught up
in Family Feud is
not a great reason.
Now I'd like to know
what today's is.
Now this had
better be good.
I slept late.
You slept through your workouts?
I had a hangover.
Sounds like you've got a
strict regimen there, Banta.
Tony, you've got a fight
Wednesday night.
Now what's going on?
I don't know, Alex.
I mean, when Lucius was pushing
me, he made it seem easy.
But now I don't know
if it's worth it.
All right, Family Feud...
(clears throat)
...sleeping late,
getting drunk--
I could help you do that.
Hey, Alex.
What?
I need motivation.
I can't do it
by myself.
Are you asking me to take
the place of Lucius?
Yes.
Ah...
(sighs)
All right, I will,
but I'm not a cheerleader.
I can't give you
any of that power
of positive thinking
stuff and tell you,
"Boy, if you really want it,
you're gonna get it."
Now, I'm just gonna
be truthful with you.
I'm just gonna
be honest with you.
Win or lose,
you're gonna get hurt.
It's the nature
of the sport.
There are thousands
of boxers out there,
and very few of them
ever become contenders.
The purses are small,
the risks are great,
and, boy, there's
gonna come a time,
when you're gonna
say to yourself,
"Why the hell
am I even here?"
Enough, Alex,
Not a cheerleader?
That's putting
it lightly.
All right,
all right, all right.
Okay, look,
look, I-I...
Look, I just want
to be realistic.
Now, come on, Tony,
yeah, let's admit it.
I mean, uh, you've got
a lot of work to do.
What was your record?
Yeah.
Nine and twenty-three.
Eight and twenty-four?
Well, I don't count
the Capasso fight.
That was a bad decision.
He knocked you out.
Oh, I mean the decision
to fight him.
No, no, look, okay, look.
Let's face it.
Now you got a lot
of hard work to do,
and I'm the one that's gonna
have to push you, right?
Right.
So let's go to the gym
right now.
Oh, not now, Alex.
I don't feel like it.
Okay.
Alex!
Huh?
Oh, all right, uh, get
upstairs and change.
We're going to
the gym now.
I mean now and I'm not
taking no for an answer.
How was that?
You're trying.
Yeah.
Louie?
Oh, Aunt Lucia.
What brings you here?
A terrible thing, Louie.
Your Uncle Emilio died.
Oh, oh, poor Uncle Emilio.
Aw, gee.
Well, what happened?
I just told you, he died.
No, I mean how, you old bat.
He died a wonderful death, just
the way he would've liked it.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. You know how he used to
like to go to the park
and feed the animals?
Yeah.
Well, we found him laying
behind his favorite bench
with a squirrel running back
and forth across his face.
Aw, that's nice.
Is, is there anything
I can do?
Yeah, we need money to bury him.
Oh.
Well, uh, if he liked
the park so much,
why don't you just
leave him where he is?
Don't say no to me, Louie.
I'm the only one in the family
who hasn't put a curse on you.
Oh, look, there's
this, uh...
There's a boxing match
on Wednesday night,
and I got a thousand dollars
bet against that guy.
LOUIE: When he loses,
I'll give you $300.
I need money to bury him.
I can't count on something
that may or may not happen.
May or may not happen?
Watch this.
(mutters):
Yeah, yeah... bagel.
Hey, Banta, watch out!
For what?
Thanks for the
money, Louie!
RING ANNOUNCER:
With a record of eight and 24
and weighing in at 161 pounds,
Tony... Banta!
(audience cheering,
scattered booing)
And the boxer on my left,
wearing black trunks
with the white stripe,
in his first professional
fight...
Amateur.
...with an amateur record
of 72 and one,
and weighing in at 164 pounds,
the Albany Assassin,
Eddie Burke.
(loud cheering, whistling)
Ready now with the instructions,
Gene Lebell.
GENE:
Gentlemen, in the event
of a knockdown,
go to a neutral corner and don't
come out till I tell you.
Shake hands...
and good luck to both of you.
Hey, Banta, you make up
your mind yet?
What's it gonna be,
blindfold or cigarette? (laughs)
Move over, move over, move over.
(bell rings)
Come on!
REF:
Keep them up.
(audience cheering
and whistling)
Four, five,
six, seven,
Come on! Come on!
...eight.
(bell rings)
(smatter of applause)
Don't worry, Alex.
I think that punch
took a lot out of him.
Yeah.
Go! Go!
(bell rings)
Tony, Tony,
listen to me.
You want to go on
with this?
I don't know, Alex.
This guy's too good for me.
I got nothing left.
Well, listen, that's it.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna
throw the towel in.
Throw it in, Alex.
Okay.
The towel won't go.
Lucius!
Tony, I couldn't
miss your fight.
I made the team,
and I wanted to see you win.
That's great, Lucius.
Now let go of the towel.
Not you, him!
Oh.
Now throw it in!
Right.
Come on, Tony,
you worked hard.
You're in great shape.
All you need is
a knockout.
Doesn't this crowd
fire you up?
What crowd? They hate me.
They're here for him.
I've never been cheered for
in my life.
They love you.
I'd appreciate it
if everyone in this section
would root for Tony.
(chanting):
Tony! Tony!
You!
Tony! You!
Tony!
Tony!
Tony!
ALL:
Tony! Tony!
Tony! Tony! Tony!
Tony! Tony! Tony!
Tony! Tony!
(bell rings)
Tony!
Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony!
(crowd cheering)
For the duck, Tony.
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
The duck?
ALL:
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
You okay?
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
(chanting continues
throughout)
For the duck!
(wild cheering)
Don't get up. Don't get up.
(theme song playing)
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
(man grumbling)
Hey.
How are you doing?
Good.
How about you?
Oh, pretty good.
Who are you?
Jim Ignatowski.
My name is
Lucius Franklin.
JIM:
Nice to meet you.
Hi. Uh, I'm
Alex Reiger.
I'm Tony Banta.
Elaine Nardo.
Lucius
Franklin.
Hi.
Jim Ignatowski.
Hi, Jim.
Jim, we've been
your friends for
three years.
Oh, then it's high time
we shook hands.
So, uh,
your first day?
Yes, it is.
Is that
a Super
Bowl ring?
Yes, I was
with the Pittsburgh Steelers
when we won it in 1979.
ALEX:
No kidding!
Oh, and they gave you
a ring for that?
How cute.
Elaine, please.
That ring is symbolic.
This is Lucius
Franklin.
Oh.
He-he played on one
of the greatest
football teams of all time.
He played
alongside Terry Bradshaw,
Franco Harris,
Lynn Swann,
John Stallworth...
Tony, Tony, to be quite honest,
I only practiced alongside
of those guys.
I was third string.
I was wondering why
I never heard of you.
Hey, listen, Lucius, um,
if you don't mind, you know,
we're really big football fans,
and we got a lot of questions
we'd like to ask you.
Go right ahead.
I don't mind.
How come you guys
always slap each
other on the butt?
Elaine!
Too personal?
Yes.
Can I ask something?
Don't you miss playing?
Ain't being retired tough?
Oh, I'm not retired.
I got cut last season,
but I'll be back.
I've already written
to a few teams for tryouts.
Hey, that's great, that's great.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Ah, you know,
Lucius,
you're not the
only professional
athlete around here.
(clears throat)
Mr. Banta used to be
a professional boxer.
Yeah, yeah, well, but I...
but I can't come back.
LUCIUS:
Why?
Oh, just because
about a year ago,
the dumb boxing commission
took my license away.
Yeah, it was
a frivolous decision.
They were trying
to save his life.
You still working out?
Oh, sometimes.
Well, if you ever need someone
to work out with,
why don't you let me know?
You mean, you'd work out
with a washed-up
has-been?
No, but I'd work out with you
if you'd stop talking like that.
Well, I'll try.
Uh-huh.
All right, listen up here.
It's time to remind you hacks
just who the boss is.
Now, I understand
we have a new driver today,
and I am gonna make an example
of him.
Uh...
(grunts)
Lucius Franklin,
get your carcass over here!
Oh, I can't wait
to see this.
(goofy growl)
You shut your
mouth, you...
You work for
me, right?!
Right.
Gawsh.
All right, first of all,
look at me,
look at me.
If you don't like the cab
that I assign you,
that's tough.
And secondly...
if you don't like
waiting around for cabs,
that's hard cheese.
I ain't finished.
And finally,
I am not your
answering service.
If the news
of your wretched
little life
is so important
that you must be
reached in my garage,
then that convenience
will cost you
five dollars.
Understood?
Yes.
All right.
Go on, go on.
Wait a minute.
Why did you take that?
When you accept a job,
you play by the rules
and do the best you can.
And you just never
forget that!
But don't ever touch me.
(groans)
LUCIUS:
Come on!
Come on, Tony! Come on, Tony!
Work!
(groans)
51.
(crying)
Come on, man,
work it!
152.
Just two more now.
Two more, Tony.
Two? two, two.
Three.
(crying)
54.
(groans)
Three more!
Three more now.
Come on, Tony,
three more now.
54.
55. Way to work, baby.
Come on, one...
Come on, one more.
56. That's it.
(panting)
Just ten more.
Oh!
My arms feel like
they're gonna fall off!
No pain, no gain.
Yeah.
Besides, you probably
only did 25 good ones.
Where were you
when I was still fighting?
Why? Weren't you
in good shape then?
Oh, yeah. I was
rock solid.
You should have
heard the thud when
I hit the canvas.
Tony, you keep
saying things like that.
But you really miss it,
don't you?
Yeah, I miss it.
Well, I've known
football players
who were gonna retire
because they had a concussion.
But they recovered
and made comebacks.
Yeah, well, I wish
I could do that.
Wishing won't make it happen.
You should go to the doctor
and appeal
to the boxing commission.
Nah, they'd just turn me down,
Lucius.
So you've given up
without even trying?
Well, I don't know.
Okay, I'll try.
I'll go over
there right now.
No, you won't.
Right now you're gonna
do your sit-ups.
I already did 250
sit-ups today.
And only five good ones.
Look, Lucius, I
can't do any more.
I just ain't
got it in me.
Sorry,
but I can't let you quit,
because I wouldn't want you
to let me quit.
We got a symbiotic
relationship, Tony.
Hey, uh, Lucius, uh,
I don't know what you're
getting at here, but...
...but I swear, I'm not the
least bit attracted to you.
A symbiotic relationship means
we help each other out.
I push you,
and you push me.
Oh. Phew!
But I guess
I can't push you.
I guess I'm no good.
I guess we'd both better quit.
Oh, finally.
But I'll tell you
something.
And I've never told this
to anyone before,
because I was afraid
they'd laugh at me.
(laughs)
Who'd laugh at you?
That's right.
So I'll tell you.
Every time I think
about somebody quitting,
I think about something
that happened
when I was about this tall.
I had a pet duck.
I'm not laughing.
The duck's name
was Rosalind.
I'm still
not laughing.
Then we're home free.
Ah.
One day, a car ran over
my little duck.
Oh, poor Rosalind.
So I picked her up
off the ground
and started running
to the vet.
I was eight.
It was 12
miles away.
Oh, I got tired,
but every time I wanted
to stop running,
I'd look at that little duck
fluttering in my hand,
and I'd say to myself,
"Do it for the duck."
And I couldn't quit.
Well...
Well, did you make it
to the vet in time?
Yeah. The vet said if I'd
gotten there a minute later,
Rosalind wouldn't
have made it through.
How many sit-ups do you want?
Five thunderball
sit-ups.
Aw, no!
Come on, Tony.
Do it for the duck.
All right.
(groaning)
Oh!
All right.
I'm doing it
for the duck.
(grunts)
(groans)
(grunts)
(groans)
(grunts)
How're you guys doing?
Great.
You know, I've never been
in this good a shape.
Yeah.
I can't
believe it.
We just ran 14 miles
through the streets of New York.
That's because you've never
been pushed hard enough before.
Because I never
felt safe enough before.
(phone ringing)
Yo.
Yeah, there's
a Lucius Franklin here.
Who shall I say is calling?
The Dolphins?
Wow!
I'm talking to a fish.
Excuse me. I-I mean mammal.
Boy, I knew you guys were smart.
From Miami?!
They can dial!
Can I speak
to that fish?
Oh, sure.
Hello.
Boy, now that
they're off the phone,
there were so many things
I wanted to ask.
Oh!
Absolutely.
Thank you very much.
I've got a tryout
with the Miami Dolphins.
All right,
Lucius, yeah!
ALEX:
Lucius.
Hey, when you leaving?
I should catch
a plane tonight.
I'll call Bob Griese
and have him pick me up.
You know Bob Griese?
Know him?
I once broke his ribs.
Ah, the ties
that bind.
Listen, Tony,
I expect you to let me know
as soon as you recertify.
Oh, yeah,
I will, Lucius.
It would be great if
I knew before I left.
Why don't you call them?
Maybe they've already
made the decision.
Oh, I don't...
I don't want to call now
and ruin this good time
for you with my bad news.
Hey, come on, Tony.
No. Call now.
No, come on, do it.
Come on, come on,
call now.
Oh, I'll call.
ELAINE:
Come on.
You need a dime?
I got one.
Yeah, hello.
Uh, this is Tony Banta.
Uh, I had a request in
for a license.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, I ain't
spoiling this party.
No matter what they tell me,
I'm telling you
that I got my license back.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
Sure. Thanks!
I got my license back!
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sure, Tony.
I really did get
my license back!
Yeah, we know, Tony.
I mean it!
Yeah.
I know what I said,
but I mean...
It's okay, Tony.
I really got my license back.
Yeah, sure, Tony.
Hey, if I'm lying,
you could punch me
right in the face.
He got his license back.
ALEX:
You got it back?
(screaming)
Oh, that's great!
That's fantastic!
I did it! I did it!
We did it!
That's terrific, Tony.
But I knew you'd do it.
I just wish I could
celebrate with you,
but I gotta go pack.
Hey, it's been great
knowing all you guys.
Aw, good luck to you.
Hey, we'll be watching
you on TV, Lucius.
Say hello to Flipper.
Good-bye, Lucius.
Bye, Tony.
TONY:
Hey, Lucius...
can I drive you
to the airport?
Sure.
(chuckles)
¶
You know...
I never liked the idea
of Tony boxing,
but there's something
about his coming back
that reminds me of dreams
that I once had,
but then let slip away.
Like what?
No, I can't tell you.
Hmm?
No, it's too silly.
No, come on, like what?
Well...
there was a time when I wanted
to be Miss America.
(laughs)
Why would you want
to be Miss America?
To help mankind
throughout the world
and to uphold the ideals
of the Miss America pageant!
You yutz!
Okay, okay.
Oh, don't be embarrassed.
We all have dreams.
My dreams used to change
constantly.
One minute I wanted to work
for world peace.
The next minute I wanted
to stamp out poverty.
The next minute I wanted to eat
a chocolate chip cookie.
This big.
Hey, Tony!
Hi, Duke.
So, how'd the workout go?
Huh? Get the jab back?
How's your timing
on the speed bag?
I didn't work out today.
What do you mean
you didn't work out today?
You skipped yesterday, too.
I had a reason.
Getting caught up
in Family Feud is
not a great reason.
Now I'd like to know
what today's is.
Now this had
better be good.
I slept late.
You slept through your workouts?
I had a hangover.
Sounds like you've got a
strict regimen there, Banta.
Tony, you've got a fight
Wednesday night.
Now what's going on?
I don't know, Alex.
I mean, when Lucius was pushing
me, he made it seem easy.
But now I don't know
if it's worth it.
All right, Family Feud...
(clears throat)
...sleeping late,
getting drunk--
I could help you do that.
Hey, Alex.
What?
I need motivation.
I can't do it
by myself.
Are you asking me to take
the place of Lucius?
Yes.
Ah...
(sighs)
All right, I will,
but I'm not a cheerleader.
I can't give you
any of that power
of positive thinking
stuff and tell you,
"Boy, if you really want it,
you're gonna get it."
Now, I'm just gonna
be truthful with you.
I'm just gonna
be honest with you.
Win or lose,
you're gonna get hurt.
It's the nature
of the sport.
There are thousands
of boxers out there,
and very few of them
ever become contenders.
The purses are small,
the risks are great,
and, boy, there's
gonna come a time,
when you're gonna
say to yourself,
"Why the hell
am I even here?"
Enough, Alex,
Not a cheerleader?
That's putting
it lightly.
All right,
all right, all right.
Okay, look,
look, I-I...
Look, I just want
to be realistic.
Now, come on, Tony,
yeah, let's admit it.
I mean, uh, you've got
a lot of work to do.
What was your record?
Yeah.
Nine and twenty-three.
Eight and twenty-four?
Well, I don't count
the Capasso fight.
That was a bad decision.
He knocked you out.
Oh, I mean the decision
to fight him.
No, no, look, okay, look.
Let's face it.
Now you got a lot
of hard work to do,
and I'm the one that's gonna
have to push you, right?
Right.
So let's go to the gym
right now.
Oh, not now, Alex.
I don't feel like it.
Okay.
Alex!
Huh?
Oh, all right, uh, get
upstairs and change.
We're going to
the gym now.
I mean now and I'm not
taking no for an answer.
How was that?
You're trying.
Yeah.
Louie?
Oh, Aunt Lucia.
What brings you here?
A terrible thing, Louie.
Your Uncle Emilio died.
Oh, oh, poor Uncle Emilio.
Aw, gee.
Well, what happened?
I just told you, he died.
No, I mean how, you old bat.
He died a wonderful death, just
the way he would've liked it.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. You know how he used to
like to go to the park
and feed the animals?
Yeah.
Well, we found him laying
behind his favorite bench
with a squirrel running back
and forth across his face.
Aw, that's nice.
Is, is there anything
I can do?
Yeah, we need money to bury him.
Oh.
Well, uh, if he liked
the park so much,
why don't you just
leave him where he is?
Don't say no to me, Louie.
I'm the only one in the family
who hasn't put a curse on you.
Oh, look, there's
this, uh...
There's a boxing match
on Wednesday night,
and I got a thousand dollars
bet against that guy.
LOUIE: When he loses,
I'll give you $300.
I need money to bury him.
I can't count on something
that may or may not happen.
May or may not happen?
Watch this.
(mutters):
Yeah, yeah... bagel.
Hey, Banta, watch out!
For what?
Thanks for the
money, Louie!
RING ANNOUNCER:
With a record of eight and 24
and weighing in at 161 pounds,
Tony... Banta!
(audience cheering,
scattered booing)
And the boxer on my left,
wearing black trunks
with the white stripe,
in his first professional
fight...
Amateur.
...with an amateur record
of 72 and one,
and weighing in at 164 pounds,
the Albany Assassin,
Eddie Burke.
(loud cheering, whistling)
Ready now with the instructions,
Gene Lebell.
GENE:
Gentlemen, in the event
of a knockdown,
go to a neutral corner and don't
come out till I tell you.
Shake hands...
and good luck to both of you.
Hey, Banta, you make up
your mind yet?
What's it gonna be,
blindfold or cigarette? (laughs)
Move over, move over, move over.
(bell rings)
Come on!
REF:
Keep them up.
(audience cheering
and whistling)
Four, five,
six, seven,
Come on! Come on!
...eight.
(bell rings)
(smatter of applause)
Don't worry, Alex.
I think that punch
took a lot out of him.
Yeah.
Go! Go!
(bell rings)
Tony, Tony,
listen to me.
You want to go on
with this?
I don't know, Alex.
This guy's too good for me.
I got nothing left.
Well, listen, that's it.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna
throw the towel in.
Throw it in, Alex.
Okay.
The towel won't go.
Lucius!
Tony, I couldn't
miss your fight.
I made the team,
and I wanted to see you win.
That's great, Lucius.
Now let go of the towel.
Not you, him!
Oh.
Now throw it in!
Right.
Come on, Tony,
you worked hard.
You're in great shape.
All you need is
a knockout.
Doesn't this crowd
fire you up?
What crowd? They hate me.
They're here for him.
I've never been cheered for
in my life.
They love you.
I'd appreciate it
if everyone in this section
would root for Tony.
(chanting):
Tony! Tony!
You!
Tony! You!
Tony!
Tony!
Tony!
ALL:
Tony! Tony!
Tony! Tony! Tony!
Tony! Tony! Tony!
Tony! Tony!
(bell rings)
Tony!
Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony!
(crowd cheering)
For the duck, Tony.
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
The duck?
ALL:
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
You okay?
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck!
For the duck! For the duck!
(chanting continues
throughout)
For the duck!
(wild cheering)
Don't get up. Don't get up.
(theme song playing)
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
(man grumbling)