Taxi (1978–1983): Season 4, Episode 1 - Jim the Psychic - full transcript
Jim has a vision that Alex will die on Thursday at 7 p.m.. Louie is convinced that it is real, but Alex refuses to believe it. Latka is not allowed to talk for a week after a run-in with Tony.
(theme song playing)
Hey,
Bob.
Hey, Ton.
How you doing?
Hey, I saw the greatest
hockey game of all time.
ELAINE:
Yeah?
Last night...
Thank you.
It was between the Islanders
and the Flyers.
They scored 13 goals
in the game,
and there must have been
200 minutes of penalties.
Oh...
Fight. Man, was it rough.
Unbelievable.
Wow.
Phooey.
I think Latka's got
a different angle on that, Tony.
In fact,
here he comes now.
Tony, did you ever think why
I don't go to the hockey games
with you?
'Cause I don't invite you,
Latka?
Not even close.
Is because the hockey players
in your country are cupcakes.
TONY:
What are you...?
What are you talking
about, Latka?
The hockey players
in this country
are the toughest in the world.
No, they are cupcakes.
They have to wear the helmets
and the mask and the padding.
In my country,
they wear nothing.
Oh. You mean,
no padding?
I mean no clothes.
Well, I guess that allows them
to skate faster.
No skates.
No skates?
What do they do,
slide around the ice?
No ice. Gravel.
Latka, why don't you get lost
with this stupid stuff, huh?
Is true.
Is stupid.
You call my-my stupid stuff
is stupid stuff?
Yeah.
I think is not.
I think your stupid stuff
is stupid stuff, and you calling
my stuff is not stupid stuff.
Why don't you shut up,
huh, Latka?
Why don't you shut up?
Latka, you shut up, or
I'm gonna knock you out.
How's that?
No!
Because you cannot knock me out.
Because, if you do,
nobody is going to like you,
because I am weak
and defenseless
and-and cute.
Well, then, shut up!
Shut up.
Shut up!
Shut up.
Shut up!
Shut up.
See? I am winning this argument.
I'll tell you what
we do, Latka.
Let's cut the
cards, all right?
Low card shuts up
for a whole hour.
How about a whole day?
How about a whole week?
How about
seven days?
You got it.
Okay, low card
shuts up
for a whole seven days.
Okay.
I got a queen.
Well, okay.
I got a...
Oh.
Boy, is it
gonna be great
not hearing from
this guy for a week.
Ha. 'Cause I get
kind of tired of him.
I'll tell you
the truth.
Hey, Jim,
how you doing?
Uh, I-I'll get back
to you on that, Bobby.
Can I talk to you
for a minute in private, Alex?
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, Jim.
Excuse us.
Uh, I've got terrible
news for you, Alex.
What is it, Jim?
What is it?
(sighs)
You're going to die.
We're all going to die, Jim.
Well, yeah,
yeah, but, uh,
not on Thursday, we're not.
Well, what the hell
are you talking about?
I-I-I-I... I had a
dream about you, Alex.
A terrible, terrible dream.
Oh, a dream!
Hey, come on. A dream--
what's the big deal, Jim?
Alex, please
listen to me.
I have dreams-- dreams
that come true.
You mean you're psychic?
Yeah, yeah, I... I'm psychic.
I didn't tell
you guys about
it before
because I
didn't want
you to think
I was offbeat
or something.
So what was your dream
about Alex?
Well, it-it...
it was horrible.
It's gonna
happen to you
Thursday night at
your apartment.
You'll be with a friend.
I couldn't make out who.
You'll drink a glass
of water very quickly.
Somebody is going to
mistake you for a girl.
You'll do the cancan
in a green shirt,
wearing a catcher's mask.
And then comes
the crazy part.
Oh?
There'll be a
knock at the door.
You'll go to the door.
You'll open it...
And what?
What? What? What?
What happens?
That's the end.
The end of the dream,
or the end of me?
Both.
(sobbing)
Jim, hey.
Oh, Jim, it's okay.
It's okay.
And you know
what the worst part is?
The worst part is
that between now and the end,
you're going to be at Mario's,
and a beautiful, sexy blonde
is going to fall into your arms.
You'll be dating each other
right up to the end.
All this is going to happen
in the next three days?
Hey, hey, hey, Jim, Jim,
don't worry about it.
I tell you, Alex,
I'm psychic.
Well, you might be
psychic, but remember,
you know, psychics
aren't always right.
Uh...
That's right.
So why don't
you cheer up?
Yeah. Hey, Jim,
I'll tell you what.
I'll take you to Mario's,
and I'll buy you a beer, huh?
Uh, it's gonna take more
than a beer
to do away with this.
BOBBY:
Ah.
This is a job
for a couple of six-packs.
ELAINE:
Oh.
You got it.
We can shoot for that.
You got it.
After you, my lady.
Reiger, I got to talk to you.
What?
I advise you not
to take this lightly.
What do you mean? That
thing about that dream?
Now, come on, Louie.
Now, listen
to me, Reiger.
You don't understand this
like I do
because you don't have religion.
Now let me
explain it to you.
You heard of God, right?
Rings a bell.
Well, God gave every human being
a special gift.
To you, he gave smarts.
Banta's got muscle.
Nardo's got knobs.
Wheeler's got hair.
And you know
what he gave me?
It's not immediately apparent,
Louie.
God gave me the power to spot
what everybody else has got.
Oh.
All right. When you first look
at Ignatowski,
you figure this guy must have
caught God on a bad day.
But let me tell you something.
Ignatowski is different from us.
The way that man's mind works,
I believe he can see the future.
He scares the hell
out of me.
Oh, come on, Louie.
All right,
if you won't listen to reason,
can I at least give you
a little blessing
to protect you
from his evil dreams?
All right.
(rapid spitting sounds)
Thanks, Louie.
I can't believe it.
Louie is taking Jim's dream
seriously.
Hey.
(laughs)
Don't knock
it, Alex.
This is the place where
the beautiful, sexy blonde
is supposed to fall
into your arms.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, well, so far,
the only sexy blonde
in here is me.
(mutters)
Latka.
ELAINE:
Hello.
Well, hi, Latka.
Hello, Latka.
ELAINE:
Hello, Latka.
What, Latka?
That's it!
Tony!
Oh, come on!
Okay?
Howdy.
Oh. Hi, Jim.
How are you
doing, pal?
Uh, fine,
just fine, Jim.
You know,
(clears throat)
when people are gone,
you always wish
you treated them better.
I'm not going
to wish that with you.
Alex, I'm gonna treat you
to dinner tonight.
Huh?
Steak
with all the trimmings
and a bottle
of Mario's best wine.
No, no, no, you don't have
to do that, Jim.
No, I want to.
Yeah...
I saved up enough money
after quitting drugs.
(clears throat)
And I want
to spend it all on you.
Jim, that's
a dollar, 35.
I quit drugs for
a dollar, 35?
What was I thinking of?
No, no, no, no.
Jim, you also quit
for your health
and your state of mind.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's all right, Jim.
You don't have
to buy me dinner.
Besides, I already ate.
Why don't you get us
another pitcher of beer?
ELAINE:
Yeah, good idea.
Okeydoke.
All right?
Good.
You know, I
don't know about
the rest of you,
but Jim's giving
me the chills.
What, more so
than usual?
Oh, I don't
know about
this dream stuff
with the catcher's mask
and the blonde.
I mean, it's crazy,
but with Jim, who knows?
Maybe this guy can see
into the future.
He definitely can't see anything
in the present.
Hey, you know some...
I just remembered something.
You know, once Jim refused
to take out a certain cab,
and the guy that took it
out got into an accident.
I heard about that.
That was Ernie Lotes,
and he got
into a little fender bender
on 38th Street.
It doesn't mean a thing.
Yeah, yeah,
but, Alex, who knows?
If Jim had taken out the cab,
it might have been a lot worse.
ELAINE:
You know something?
I just thought
of something myself.
Last winter,
I was very worried
about Jason's grades,
right, in school?
And-And Jim told me
not to worry
because the next day
on his test,
he was going to get an 86.
And he got an 86.
(whistles)
ELAINE:
No, no, no,
I'm wrong.
He said he was going
to get an 87.
And he got an 87.
Uh-oh.
Hey,
I just remembered
something, too!
He told me...
Listen, can we just drop this
right now?
This conversation is going
nowhere, you know that?
Superstitions are idiotic.
We're just talking.
Yeah, but it's silly,
and I don't want
to be silly tonight, all right?
What are you coming
down on us for?
I don't know, can we-- can we
change the subject please?
Okay.
Thank you.
Hey, what are you doing?
Well, so I got a little bit
of beer on your suit.
Not such a great
suit, anyway.
Better than anything
you're wearing... jerk.
Who are you calling
a jerk, you...
You heard me,
I'm calling you a jerk.
I'm terribly sorry.
That's okay, we were
expecting you.
¶
Ah, he wants us to...
LATKA:
Testing.
Abby-dabby, icky-bicky,
abby-dabby, icky-bicky.
Hello?
Elaine?
Oh, hi, Latka.
My, you're looking
lovely today.
You're welcome.
Oh.
Thank you.
Hello, Bobby.
Hi, Latka.
How is your career
coming along?
Well fine, as a matter
of fact...
Sorry to hear that, Bobby.
Hello, Alex.
It's good to see you today,
Alex.
Tony?
Tony?
Tony?
What?
(blowing raspberry)
(blowing raspberry)
Latka, will you...
Latka, I'm telling you, take...
(blowing raspberry)
Hi.
Hey, Louie, check me out,
I want to get home.
You know what day this is,
Reiger ?
What is this,
a pop quiz?
Alex... what are you gonna do?
What do you mean,
what am I gonna do?
We're worried
about you, Alex.
You met that girl at Mario's,
just like Jim predicted,
and you've been seeing her
every day,
just like Jim predicted.
And today's Thursday.
Just like Jim
predicted.
Well what do you
expect me to do?
Change my life just because
of that stupid dream?
Do you expect me
to drop Peggy,
who I happen to like
very much,
just because she fits in
with this, uh, thing?
Alex, don't you think
it's a good idea
just to get out of town
for a day?
Yeah, you've got
nothing to lose.
Elaine, you of all people,
you seriously expect me
to believe this stuff?
I'm saying to have
an open mind about it.
Aw, please, will you?
Come on, Alex,
it's not gonna hurt you
not to be home tonight.
I'm not saying
go to Peru,
but don't rule
Peru out.
Will you stop this?
There's no way in the world
you're gonna get me
to be afraid of this.
I happen to be
a realistic person.
I always have been,
and I always will be.
Nobody's trying
to scare you.
Another one.
We're just
trying to say,
that as sure as there's
a God in heaven,
you're going belly up
at 7:00 tonight.
Unless you're not
in your apartment.
Look, just let me say this.
I don't believe in
any of this stuff.
But as a matter of fact,
I'm not gonna be
at my apartment at 7:00,
because I'm going out on a date
with a wonderful woman.
See?
Now is anybody, uh,
foolish enough to be relieved
by any of that?
(overlapping chatter)
All right, that's
good planning.
I didn't plan that.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm a little late. Good-bye.
ALL:
Good-bye, Alex.
(overlapping chatter)
(phone ringing)
(grunting)
Cabbie cooties.
Sunshine Cab.
He just walked out the door.
Can I take a message?
Oh, you're the dame
that Reiger's gonna date
tonight, huh?
No!
No, no, no, no,
you can't do that.
No, you gotta go out with him.
What reason could you have
for breaking a date with him?
You got a 104 degree temperature
and projectile vomiting?
He's had worse dates.
All right, all right.
I'll save the man myself.
Reiger!
(knocking on door)
Yeah.
Yeah, hold on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, Reiger, we gotta
get out of here.
What are you
talking about?
Come on.
Peggy called,
she can't go out and
you can't stay here.
Come on, we'll go down
to 42nd street,
look at weirdos and
have a cheeseburger.
No, wait a minute.
Wait, wait a minute.
Why can't she make it?
Forget it, forget it,
being dumped on by a dame is
the least of your problems.
You've got the Grim
Reaper to worry about.
We'll go to a movie.
Louie,
will you stop this?
Come on.
I'm not gonna go anywhere.
Reiger, the dream's
coming true.
You're here in your apartment,
it's Thursday night,
it's almost 7:00.
All right, look.
All right.
(laughing)
I admit your life is nothing
to jump up and down about.
But it must mean
something to you.
Oh, and you think all
those other things
have come true, huh?
Like drinking a glass
of water quickly,
being mistaken for a girl?
Dancing the cancan
in a green shirt
and a catcher's
mask.
Oh, and at 7:00,
precisely at 7:00,
there's a knock at the door,
and who's on the other side?
Death is on...
(coughing):
Death...
Excuse me.
(coughing continues)
(coughing):
That's the silliest
thing I ever heard.
Aha!
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ho-ho-ho!
Reiger!
Reiger, what do you say now?
Look what time it is.
Let's get the hell
out of here!
Boy, come on!
I'm not leaving
here.
Come! Come!
Out! Get out!
I'm staying here tonight.
I'm staying right here.
(phone ringing)
I have no intention of going...
Hello?
No, this is not Mary.
Do I sound like a Mary?
You have the wrong number.
Louie, why don't you just...
Mary?
It's happening!
It's happening!
It's happening!
Come on, out!
Out of here.
Louie...
No, no, no, no.
No, no, Louie, no, Louie.
Get out!
No!
I am not gonna leave
this apartment.
If I walk through that door,
I am violating everything
I believe in.
I'm giving up the control
of my own life.
The hell with that.
I'm gonna live my future.
I'm not gonna be afraid of it.
Reiger, will you cut
the Joan of Arc stuff?
And don't tempt fate?
Tempt fate,
Louie?
No, I'm not gonna
tempt fate.
I'm gonna bait fate.
No, no, green!
Yeah.
Rigger, no green!
No. No, no, Reiger.
Yeah!
Reiger!
Don't do this, Reiger.
Louie, if I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die as I lived.
Dancing the cancan in a green
shirt and a catcher's mask.
No, no, no,
don't lift those feet.
Don't, Reiger!
(humming)
Reiger, don't do this.
No, Reiger!
It's coming true!
The dream...
(clock chiming)
(whimpering)
Louie...
I didn't die.
(chuckles)
(laughing)
Ignatowski's a boob.
That was a nice cancan.
Thank you.
Now listen, Louie,
repeat after me.
Superstitions are...
(knocking on door)
Now you did it!
I almost apologized!
Don't you dare!
Don't go near that door!
Reiger, stay away
from that door!
Louie, I have to see what's on
the other side
of that door.
No! Death is on the other side
of this door.
I don't care, I want to see it!
No!
Louie, get away from the door.
No!
Get away from the door, Lou!
No!
No, no, Reiger.
No, no, Reiger!
(grunts)
No! No!
Louie, get away
from the door!
(screaming)
Reiger, did you see it?
It was hideous!
Louie, it was a little girl
selling sugar cookies.
My favorite.
Here.
Thanks for coming by, Lou.
One for me and three for you,
huh?
Look, Reiger...
...I got to make a confession.
I was pretty scared there.
But you...
you got guts.
You're a rock, Reiger.
Good night, Lou.
So long.
Oh my God, a ghost.
Jim, it's me.
A talking ghost.
Jim, I'm not a ghost.
I didn't die.
You may be a psychic,
but you missed on this one.
A reasonable ghost.
Hey Jeff, give me a cab.
A working ghost.
Bye, Jim.
Have a nice day.
A courteous ghost!
(theme song playing)
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
(man grumbling)
Hey,
Bob.
Hey, Ton.
How you doing?
Hey, I saw the greatest
hockey game of all time.
ELAINE:
Yeah?
Last night...
Thank you.
It was between the Islanders
and the Flyers.
They scored 13 goals
in the game,
and there must have been
200 minutes of penalties.
Oh...
Fight. Man, was it rough.
Unbelievable.
Wow.
Phooey.
I think Latka's got
a different angle on that, Tony.
In fact,
here he comes now.
Tony, did you ever think why
I don't go to the hockey games
with you?
'Cause I don't invite you,
Latka?
Not even close.
Is because the hockey players
in your country are cupcakes.
TONY:
What are you...?
What are you talking
about, Latka?
The hockey players
in this country
are the toughest in the world.
No, they are cupcakes.
They have to wear the helmets
and the mask and the padding.
In my country,
they wear nothing.
Oh. You mean,
no padding?
I mean no clothes.
Well, I guess that allows them
to skate faster.
No skates.
No skates?
What do they do,
slide around the ice?
No ice. Gravel.
Latka, why don't you get lost
with this stupid stuff, huh?
Is true.
Is stupid.
You call my-my stupid stuff
is stupid stuff?
Yeah.
I think is not.
I think your stupid stuff
is stupid stuff, and you calling
my stuff is not stupid stuff.
Why don't you shut up,
huh, Latka?
Why don't you shut up?
Latka, you shut up, or
I'm gonna knock you out.
How's that?
No!
Because you cannot knock me out.
Because, if you do,
nobody is going to like you,
because I am weak
and defenseless
and-and cute.
Well, then, shut up!
Shut up.
Shut up!
Shut up.
Shut up!
Shut up.
See? I am winning this argument.
I'll tell you what
we do, Latka.
Let's cut the
cards, all right?
Low card shuts up
for a whole hour.
How about a whole day?
How about a whole week?
How about
seven days?
You got it.
Okay, low card
shuts up
for a whole seven days.
Okay.
I got a queen.
Well, okay.
I got a...
Oh.
Boy, is it
gonna be great
not hearing from
this guy for a week.
Ha. 'Cause I get
kind of tired of him.
I'll tell you
the truth.
Hey, Jim,
how you doing?
Uh, I-I'll get back
to you on that, Bobby.
Can I talk to you
for a minute in private, Alex?
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, Jim.
Excuse us.
Uh, I've got terrible
news for you, Alex.
What is it, Jim?
What is it?
(sighs)
You're going to die.
We're all going to die, Jim.
Well, yeah,
yeah, but, uh,
not on Thursday, we're not.
Well, what the hell
are you talking about?
I-I-I-I... I had a
dream about you, Alex.
A terrible, terrible dream.
Oh, a dream!
Hey, come on. A dream--
what's the big deal, Jim?
Alex, please
listen to me.
I have dreams-- dreams
that come true.
You mean you're psychic?
Yeah, yeah, I... I'm psychic.
I didn't tell
you guys about
it before
because I
didn't want
you to think
I was offbeat
or something.
So what was your dream
about Alex?
Well, it-it...
it was horrible.
It's gonna
happen to you
Thursday night at
your apartment.
You'll be with a friend.
I couldn't make out who.
You'll drink a glass
of water very quickly.
Somebody is going to
mistake you for a girl.
You'll do the cancan
in a green shirt,
wearing a catcher's mask.
And then comes
the crazy part.
Oh?
There'll be a
knock at the door.
You'll go to the door.
You'll open it...
And what?
What? What? What?
What happens?
That's the end.
The end of the dream,
or the end of me?
Both.
(sobbing)
Jim, hey.
Oh, Jim, it's okay.
It's okay.
And you know
what the worst part is?
The worst part is
that between now and the end,
you're going to be at Mario's,
and a beautiful, sexy blonde
is going to fall into your arms.
You'll be dating each other
right up to the end.
All this is going to happen
in the next three days?
Hey, hey, hey, Jim, Jim,
don't worry about it.
I tell you, Alex,
I'm psychic.
Well, you might be
psychic, but remember,
you know, psychics
aren't always right.
Uh...
That's right.
So why don't
you cheer up?
Yeah. Hey, Jim,
I'll tell you what.
I'll take you to Mario's,
and I'll buy you a beer, huh?
Uh, it's gonna take more
than a beer
to do away with this.
BOBBY:
Ah.
This is a job
for a couple of six-packs.
ELAINE:
Oh.
You got it.
We can shoot for that.
You got it.
After you, my lady.
Reiger, I got to talk to you.
What?
I advise you not
to take this lightly.
What do you mean? That
thing about that dream?
Now, come on, Louie.
Now, listen
to me, Reiger.
You don't understand this
like I do
because you don't have religion.
Now let me
explain it to you.
You heard of God, right?
Rings a bell.
Well, God gave every human being
a special gift.
To you, he gave smarts.
Banta's got muscle.
Nardo's got knobs.
Wheeler's got hair.
And you know
what he gave me?
It's not immediately apparent,
Louie.
God gave me the power to spot
what everybody else has got.
Oh.
All right. When you first look
at Ignatowski,
you figure this guy must have
caught God on a bad day.
But let me tell you something.
Ignatowski is different from us.
The way that man's mind works,
I believe he can see the future.
He scares the hell
out of me.
Oh, come on, Louie.
All right,
if you won't listen to reason,
can I at least give you
a little blessing
to protect you
from his evil dreams?
All right.
(rapid spitting sounds)
Thanks, Louie.
I can't believe it.
Louie is taking Jim's dream
seriously.
Hey.
(laughs)
Don't knock
it, Alex.
This is the place where
the beautiful, sexy blonde
is supposed to fall
into your arms.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, well, so far,
the only sexy blonde
in here is me.
(mutters)
Latka.
ELAINE:
Hello.
Well, hi, Latka.
Hello, Latka.
ELAINE:
Hello, Latka.
What, Latka?
That's it!
Tony!
Oh, come on!
Okay?
Howdy.
Oh. Hi, Jim.
How are you
doing, pal?
Uh, fine,
just fine, Jim.
You know,
(clears throat)
when people are gone,
you always wish
you treated them better.
I'm not going
to wish that with you.
Alex, I'm gonna treat you
to dinner tonight.
Huh?
Steak
with all the trimmings
and a bottle
of Mario's best wine.
No, no, no, you don't have
to do that, Jim.
No, I want to.
Yeah...
I saved up enough money
after quitting drugs.
(clears throat)
And I want
to spend it all on you.
Jim, that's
a dollar, 35.
I quit drugs for
a dollar, 35?
What was I thinking of?
No, no, no, no.
Jim, you also quit
for your health
and your state of mind.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's all right, Jim.
You don't have
to buy me dinner.
Besides, I already ate.
Why don't you get us
another pitcher of beer?
ELAINE:
Yeah, good idea.
Okeydoke.
All right?
Good.
You know, I
don't know about
the rest of you,
but Jim's giving
me the chills.
What, more so
than usual?
Oh, I don't
know about
this dream stuff
with the catcher's mask
and the blonde.
I mean, it's crazy,
but with Jim, who knows?
Maybe this guy can see
into the future.
He definitely can't see anything
in the present.
Hey, you know some...
I just remembered something.
You know, once Jim refused
to take out a certain cab,
and the guy that took it
out got into an accident.
I heard about that.
That was Ernie Lotes,
and he got
into a little fender bender
on 38th Street.
It doesn't mean a thing.
Yeah, yeah,
but, Alex, who knows?
If Jim had taken out the cab,
it might have been a lot worse.
ELAINE:
You know something?
I just thought
of something myself.
Last winter,
I was very worried
about Jason's grades,
right, in school?
And-And Jim told me
not to worry
because the next day
on his test,
he was going to get an 86.
And he got an 86.
(whistles)
ELAINE:
No, no, no,
I'm wrong.
He said he was going
to get an 87.
And he got an 87.
Uh-oh.
Hey,
I just remembered
something, too!
He told me...
Listen, can we just drop this
right now?
This conversation is going
nowhere, you know that?
Superstitions are idiotic.
We're just talking.
Yeah, but it's silly,
and I don't want
to be silly tonight, all right?
What are you coming
down on us for?
I don't know, can we-- can we
change the subject please?
Okay.
Thank you.
Hey, what are you doing?
Well, so I got a little bit
of beer on your suit.
Not such a great
suit, anyway.
Better than anything
you're wearing... jerk.
Who are you calling
a jerk, you...
You heard me,
I'm calling you a jerk.
I'm terribly sorry.
That's okay, we were
expecting you.
¶
Ah, he wants us to...
LATKA:
Testing.
Abby-dabby, icky-bicky,
abby-dabby, icky-bicky.
Hello?
Elaine?
Oh, hi, Latka.
My, you're looking
lovely today.
You're welcome.
Oh.
Thank you.
Hello, Bobby.
Hi, Latka.
How is your career
coming along?
Well fine, as a matter
of fact...
Sorry to hear that, Bobby.
Hello, Alex.
It's good to see you today,
Alex.
Tony?
Tony?
Tony?
What?
(blowing raspberry)
(blowing raspberry)
Latka, will you...
Latka, I'm telling you, take...
(blowing raspberry)
Hi.
Hey, Louie, check me out,
I want to get home.
You know what day this is,
Reiger ?
What is this,
a pop quiz?
Alex... what are you gonna do?
What do you mean,
what am I gonna do?
We're worried
about you, Alex.
You met that girl at Mario's,
just like Jim predicted,
and you've been seeing her
every day,
just like Jim predicted.
And today's Thursday.
Just like Jim
predicted.
Well what do you
expect me to do?
Change my life just because
of that stupid dream?
Do you expect me
to drop Peggy,
who I happen to like
very much,
just because she fits in
with this, uh, thing?
Alex, don't you think
it's a good idea
just to get out of town
for a day?
Yeah, you've got
nothing to lose.
Elaine, you of all people,
you seriously expect me
to believe this stuff?
I'm saying to have
an open mind about it.
Aw, please, will you?
Come on, Alex,
it's not gonna hurt you
not to be home tonight.
I'm not saying
go to Peru,
but don't rule
Peru out.
Will you stop this?
There's no way in the world
you're gonna get me
to be afraid of this.
I happen to be
a realistic person.
I always have been,
and I always will be.
Nobody's trying
to scare you.
Another one.
We're just
trying to say,
that as sure as there's
a God in heaven,
you're going belly up
at 7:00 tonight.
Unless you're not
in your apartment.
Look, just let me say this.
I don't believe in
any of this stuff.
But as a matter of fact,
I'm not gonna be
at my apartment at 7:00,
because I'm going out on a date
with a wonderful woman.
See?
Now is anybody, uh,
foolish enough to be relieved
by any of that?
(overlapping chatter)
All right, that's
good planning.
I didn't plan that.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm a little late. Good-bye.
ALL:
Good-bye, Alex.
(overlapping chatter)
(phone ringing)
(grunting)
Cabbie cooties.
Sunshine Cab.
He just walked out the door.
Can I take a message?
Oh, you're the dame
that Reiger's gonna date
tonight, huh?
No!
No, no, no, no,
you can't do that.
No, you gotta go out with him.
What reason could you have
for breaking a date with him?
You got a 104 degree temperature
and projectile vomiting?
He's had worse dates.
All right, all right.
I'll save the man myself.
Reiger!
(knocking on door)
Yeah.
Yeah, hold on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, Reiger, we gotta
get out of here.
What are you
talking about?
Come on.
Peggy called,
she can't go out and
you can't stay here.
Come on, we'll go down
to 42nd street,
look at weirdos and
have a cheeseburger.
No, wait a minute.
Wait, wait a minute.
Why can't she make it?
Forget it, forget it,
being dumped on by a dame is
the least of your problems.
You've got the Grim
Reaper to worry about.
We'll go to a movie.
Louie,
will you stop this?
Come on.
I'm not gonna go anywhere.
Reiger, the dream's
coming true.
You're here in your apartment,
it's Thursday night,
it's almost 7:00.
All right, look.
All right.
(laughing)
I admit your life is nothing
to jump up and down about.
But it must mean
something to you.
Oh, and you think all
those other things
have come true, huh?
Like drinking a glass
of water quickly,
being mistaken for a girl?
Dancing the cancan
in a green shirt
and a catcher's
mask.
Oh, and at 7:00,
precisely at 7:00,
there's a knock at the door,
and who's on the other side?
Death is on...
(coughing):
Death...
Excuse me.
(coughing continues)
(coughing):
That's the silliest
thing I ever heard.
Aha!
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ah-ho-ho-ho!
Reiger!
Reiger, what do you say now?
Look what time it is.
Let's get the hell
out of here!
Boy, come on!
I'm not leaving
here.
Come! Come!
Out! Get out!
I'm staying here tonight.
I'm staying right here.
(phone ringing)
I have no intention of going...
Hello?
No, this is not Mary.
Do I sound like a Mary?
You have the wrong number.
Louie, why don't you just...
Mary?
It's happening!
It's happening!
It's happening!
Come on, out!
Out of here.
Louie...
No, no, no, no.
No, no, Louie, no, Louie.
Get out!
No!
I am not gonna leave
this apartment.
If I walk through that door,
I am violating everything
I believe in.
I'm giving up the control
of my own life.
The hell with that.
I'm gonna live my future.
I'm not gonna be afraid of it.
Reiger, will you cut
the Joan of Arc stuff?
And don't tempt fate?
Tempt fate,
Louie?
No, I'm not gonna
tempt fate.
I'm gonna bait fate.
No, no, green!
Yeah.
Rigger, no green!
No. No, no, Reiger.
Yeah!
Reiger!
Don't do this, Reiger.
Louie, if I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die as I lived.
Dancing the cancan in a green
shirt and a catcher's mask.
No, no, no,
don't lift those feet.
Don't, Reiger!
(humming)
Reiger, don't do this.
No, Reiger!
It's coming true!
The dream...
(clock chiming)
(whimpering)
Louie...
I didn't die.
(chuckles)
(laughing)
Ignatowski's a boob.
That was a nice cancan.
Thank you.
Now listen, Louie,
repeat after me.
Superstitions are...
(knocking on door)
Now you did it!
I almost apologized!
Don't you dare!
Don't go near that door!
Reiger, stay away
from that door!
Louie, I have to see what's on
the other side
of that door.
No! Death is on the other side
of this door.
I don't care, I want to see it!
No!
Louie, get away from the door.
No!
Get away from the door, Lou!
No!
No, no, Reiger.
No, no, Reiger!
(grunts)
No! No!
Louie, get away
from the door!
(screaming)
Reiger, did you see it?
It was hideous!
Louie, it was a little girl
selling sugar cookies.
My favorite.
Here.
Thanks for coming by, Lou.
One for me and three for you,
huh?
Look, Reiger...
...I got to make a confession.
I was pretty scared there.
But you...
you got guts.
You're a rock, Reiger.
Good night, Lou.
So long.
Oh my God, a ghost.
Jim, it's me.
A talking ghost.
Jim, I'm not a ghost.
I didn't die.
You may be a psychic,
but you missed on this one.
A reasonable ghost.
Hey Jeff, give me a cab.
A working ghost.
Bye, Jim.
Have a nice day.
A courteous ghost!
(theme song playing)
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
(man grumbling)