Taxi (1978–1983): Season 2, Episode 5 - Wherefore Art Thou, Bobby? - full transcript

Bobby considers quitting acting after he meets a young actor-wannabe who just moved to New York and immediately lands a leading role in an off-Broadway play.

( theme music playing )

All right, all right,
just stay where you are.

I'll send somebody for you.

Dummy!

Jeff...
Yeah.

...go to 45th and Lexington
and pick up Giambalvo.

Okay.

Latka!

What's the big idea
sending Giambalvo out

with a broken gas gauge?

If we paid you by the mistake,
you'd own this place by now.



Okay, it's a deal.

Why do I always have
to get on your back

to get anything done
around here?

You're a lazy, good-for-nothing,

goldbricking foreigner.

All right. I want...

I want to make a grievance.

Oh, you do?

Yes.

Oh, you want to see
the shop steward?

Yes.

Okay.

All right?

All right, that would
be Ben Geretski.



All right.
Mm.

All right, Ben... Ben...

Ben Geretski?

Ben... Ben Geretski?

Hello?

Where is he?

He's off today.

Then what should I do?

Come here.

The rule is...

if the steward isn't around

then you report your grievance
to the shift supervisor.

Okay.
The shift supervisor.

Who is... who is this?

Is me.

What seems
to be the problem?

Well, you're...
you're the problem.

You're making me problem

because you're
always yelling at me

and you're always
calling me names

and you always
make my life bad

and you make me
feel stupid.

( clicking tongue )

You did the right thing
reporting this, Latka.

Thank you very much.
Okay,

now get your foreign butt
back to work.

Okay.

You know, because I can
only be pushed so far.

Right, right.

Uh, excuse me.

Who's in charge here?

I am, ma'am.

I'm Louis de Palma.

Well, how do you do?

I'm looking for Alex Rieger.

Well, you came
to the right place.

If there's one thing
that I will not tolerate

that is my drivers harassing
the people of this city,

especially an attractive
lady like yourself.

Where did he grab you?

You don't understand.

He's my brother.

That makes you
Alex's sister.

We couldn't help
but overhear.

I didn't know
Alex had a sister.

Alex never did talk much
about his family.

I'm Charlotte Rieger.

We're all his friends.

This is Elaine Nardo

and I'm Mr. Tony Banta.

And you can meet
Mr. Bobby Wheeler momentarily.

But, right now,
I believe he's in the can.

I'm looking forward to it.

Hey, Bob... Hey, Bob...

this is Charlotte
Rieger, Alex's sister.

This is the guy
I was telling you about--

Bobby Wheeler.

Hi.

ELAINE:
Oh, and this
is Latka Gravas.

Oh, never mind him.

How do you do?

Hello.

You are a very pretty lady.

In my country,
we have a saying:

( speaking native language )

Oh!

( speaking same language )

Oh!

( speaking native language )

( speaking same language )

( speaking native language )

( speaking same language )

( speaking native language )

You know Latka's language?

Yes. I'm multilingual.

I spent several years
in Europe.

( speaking native language )

( speaking
same language )

Okay.

Interesting person.

Too bad his grammar
is so poor.

Latka's grammar's bad?

Yes. He's from the lower class.

My guess would be
his family herded swine.

My guess is they dated them.

Why don't we
sit down, okay?

Are you a New Yorker,
Miss Rieger?

Not anymore.
I live in East Hampton.

To me, New York is just
a quiet rainy yesterday.

You said it.

Well, um...

I was in Manhattan this evening.

I was at a fund-raising dinner,
but I was called away.

Oh!
What are you raising funds for?

Starving something.

Do you expect Alex soon?

I'll tell you...

He should be in
momentarily.

Would you care to wait
in my office?

I'd rather be the only woman
on a Greek freighter.

I wanted very much
to talk to Alex,

but I'm afraid
I just can't wait.

Well, I can take a message.

I wanted to tell him myself.

Uh, you see, uh, my...
our father had a heart attack.

Is he all right?

His condition
is stabilized now.

He's over
at New York Hospital.

Let me give you
the room number.

Well, Alex should
be here any second,

and I'm sure he'll go
right over there.

( wry laugh )

It was nice meeting you all.

I wonder what
"uh, huh-huh, huh-huh" means.

Poor Alex.

Yeah. Geez.

When he hears this,

he's going to be in no shape
to drive tonight...

He sure isn't.

...so don't tell him
till morning.

Man, the traffic out there
is unbelievable tonight.

Hello, everybody.

Hey, listen, Louie, Louie,
I'm ready to go,

as soon as you check
me out. Let's go!

Uh, Alex,
your sister was here.

Huh? Charlotte?

Really? Right...?
Well, where'd she go?

Alex, I'm really sorry.

Your father had
a heart attack.

He's in the New York Hospital,
and here's the room number.

Come on, Louie, I want
to get on the road.

Alex, your father had...

I heard you, Elaine.
Thanks.

Come on, Louie, let me
get on the road here.

Hey, Alex...
Huh?

Uh, look,
let me explain something.

My father and I are not close.

In fact, we haven't talked to
each other in almost 30 years.

Look, if the situation
was reversed,

he wouldn't be coming to see me.

( singing in Spanish )

Hey, hey, hey.

( speaking native language )

( speaking Spanish )

( speaking native language )

...hardware store?

( speaking Spanish )

You happen to know where
my other screwdriver,
you know what I mean?

( speaking native
language )

( speaking Spanish )

( speaking native language )

( arguing in their
respective languages )

All right! Cut it out!

Knock it off!
Knock it off!

( speaking Spanish )
...you know?

Knock it off!

You guys
shouldn't be fighting.

You're like brothers.

You're both from countries
you have to take pills for.

Now, get back to work!

( speaking native word )

Oh, not you.

You.

Hello.
Hi, everybody.

Oh, Alex...

um, we've been
talking it over, and, uh...

we're sorry about last night.

Yeah, uh, hey, we didn't
mean to pressure you,

you know, buddy?
All right.

It's your business, Alex.

Right, so, uh, if you don't want
to talk about it with us,

well, we love you enough
to understand.

Thanks a lot, guys.

You mean you don't?

I don't want to say anything

because I haven't got
anything to say.

Alex, can I speak to you?

( grumbling )

Uh, what?

Louie, what?

Look, you've done me
a couple of favors in the past

and so I feel like
I owe you one,

so if you want to talk about
this problem man-to-man...

No, thanks, Louie.

Okay, I understand,
but we're even now.

Right.

Look, everybody, I appreciate
you trying to help me,

but there's
absolutely no...

Alex? Alex?
What?

Eh, you know, in my country,
we have a saying:

"Your father, he may beat you,

"your father,
he may curse you...

your father, he may take
your last bit of meat."

Go on.

That's all.

You mean... you mean,
that's the whole saying?

Yeah, it's a small country.

Thanks, Latka.

Alex...

Oh. Charlotte.

How's, uh...?

( kiss )

How is, uh...?

His condition is the same;
he's still unconscious

but the doctor said
he may come around.

Maybe we can talk
to him this afternoon.

Charlotte...

Listen, the doctor
was concerned.

Alex, Dad is not
a young man.

I am not going
to the hospital.

I expected you to say that and
I'm prepared to deal with it.

I'm going to change your mind.

Now, Charlotte, don't start.

I am not going to leave here

until you agree
to come to the hospital.

I'm not going!

You know, we haven't
seen each other

for the past couple
of years, Alex.

Maybe you've
forgotten just how

determined and willful

I can be.

Whoo!
Just the way I like 'em.

Is there a place
that we could be alone?

Or, at least, safe?

If we haven't got
anything to say,

we don't need
a place to say it.

You can use
Latka's tool room.

Elaine!
Through that door.

Come along.

No, Charlotte!

Now, look, Charlotte, if you
want to chat socially, fine,

but I'm not going
into that tool room

to talk about Joe.

Nah! No way!

Alex, do you remember
when we were kids

and I wanted to do something
and you didn't want to do it,

how I could persuade you
to change your mind

with that little ploy
I used to use?

Aw, come on.

You don't think that
would work now, do you?

All right. Let's talk.

What'd she used to do?

She used to beat
the heck out of me.

Don't shoot.
I'll talk.

Huh?

Oh, Alex.

Oh, abi deeba suboflay.

Abi deebo subo flee.

Oh, suboflee. Suboflee.

Suboflee.

( speaking Latka's language )

Me?

( speaking native language )

Rapo.

Ah, okay, I will take my things.

Aruskala.
Thanks.

Abi deebo suboflee.

Abi deebo suboflee.

Suboflee.

Gee, thanks, Latka.

Thank you.

Thank you both.

( loud crashing )

Alex...

Listen, Alex,

if you don't see
our father today,

you may never get
the chance to see
him again.

Are you prepared
for that?

Probably not.

But I've lived
with a lot of things

I'm not prepared to live with.

Do you know what I was thinking
of on the way over here?

I was thinking
of Scheherazade.

I'm glad you didn't
make me guess.

The cat we had when
we were children.

Don't you remember?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We had a terrible argument
over that name, I remember.

I wanted to name her
something silly, like Taffy.

Thank God
calmer heads prevailed.

Do you remember what happened
when Scheherazade passed away?

She got run over.

Yes, while you were away
at camp.

And when we told you,
you were very distraught.

And do you know what
bothered you the most?

That you weren't there
when it happened.

You didn't get a chance
to say goodbye

to that little animal
you loved.

Yeah, she was a great cat.

The only cat I ever knew
that could actually fetch.

Remember when I used to roll
the little ball for her,

Alex...
she used to run...

I'm not here to talk
about that stupid cat.

Tell me what could
our father have
done, that you could

possibly refuse...
"Our father"?

Define "father" for me,
would you?

Now, come on,
you know as well as I do.

After he left,
we were on lousy welfare,

while he was earning
350 bucks a week!

And now I'm supposed to go
to the hospital

just because he's had
a heart attack,

and have a scene with him

that'll be a lie
for both of us.

You cannot stay this mad
for so long, Alex!

No, no, no, no,
look, I'm not mad.

I just want to get
the facts straight.

You know,
I remember all those times

coming home from school,
when our mother was working,

and finding him there
with another woman!

He said, "This is your aunt.
Don't tell your mother."

I know.

He was my father, too,
you remember.

I was very well aware
of his indiscretions.

I was just about 11

when I found out
he was fooling around.

They asked me to write
an essay, in school,

on my father's
favorite hobby.

I said
he collected stamps.

Cheap stamps.

Cheap, dirty stamps.

Yeah.

Right.

All right, all right.

It's not so easy for me
to forget that.

But I try.

Why can't you?

Oh, come on, Charlotte!

It was very different with you.

He had an entirely
different relationship with you.

You were his darling
little daughter-- hmph!

I remember he even paid
for your tuition one year.

Oh, yes, and on
your 21st birthday,

he gave you a
very special gift.

A little something.

Yeah, yeah, what was it?

A car.
Ah.

Okay, maybe I did have it
a little better than you.

It doesn't change the fact
he stayed away from me

just as much as he
stayed away from you,

and I forgave him,
and so did Mama.

He didn't even come
to her funeral!

He was there, Alex.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

He was outside
the cemetery gate.

I always thought
it was a coincidence.

He was there.

He brought a date!

He needed emotional support.

She was wearing toreador pants!

I understand your bitterness.

I am not bitter!

I understand
your anger.

I am not angry!

Your pique?

I'm piqued as hell!

Alex, your father may be dying.

You must go!
I'm going to beg!

No, Charlotte, don't beg.

I am! I'm gonna beg!

Charlotte, please don't beg.
I'm begging!

Please go.

You beg bad.

Just see him.

Look at him.

Say, "Hello,
I'm sorry you're dying.

I'll see you around."

If you go
and it doesn't work, so?

But if you don't go,
and he dies,

you're going to
regret it, Alex.

You, not him. You!
You're the loser, Alex!

You... ( anxious sigh )

I wish they had sent me
to college.

Then I'd have something
to argue with.

Oh, Miss Stallworth.

Oh, hello.

I came back to see how
your father was doing.

This is my brother Alex.

This is Miss Stallworth.

She was on the scene
of the accident.

Oh, uh, how do you do?

She gave Daddy
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

before the ambulance came.

I hope he's gonna be okay.

Well, the doctor said
he's conscious.

We're going to see him now.

Uh, uh, Miss Stallworth,

where was he when it happened?

Well, uh, he was waiting

on the subway platform
next to me.

Oh? Well, tell me,

was he overexerting himself
in some way?

I mean, was he running
to catch a train or something?

Well, as a matter of fact...

he was goosing me.

Talk about going
with your boots on.

I screamed and
it shocked him so,
he just collapsed.

I really feel responsible,
you know, screaming like that.

Oh, no. No, no.

No, don't, don't, don't.

He must've realized
the risks he was taking.

Listen, Miss Stallworth...

I just want to ask you...
Shall we, Alex?

Excuse us, please.

I'm really sorry.

It's okay.

Look, okay,

if I'm going to do this,
I'm going to have to be alone.

All right.

Wh-Wh-Wh-What am I gonna say?

Tell him a few of the
things that made him
a good father.

Hello.

It's me, Alex.

Alex?

Yeah.

Listen, uh, I, um...

I'm sorry to see you this way.

Thank you.

I'm... a little weak.

Yeah, listen,
just relax, okay?

Just listen, all right?

Um...

Boy, you've gotten so old.

Well, I guess
I've aged too, huh?

Look, uh,
Charlotte insisted

that I come here today.

She, um...

she wanted me to say, um...

I'm not sure what
she wanted me to say, uh...

Well, she thought
it would be a good idea

if I took this opportunity
to tell you

some of the terrific things
that you've done for me.

And, um, although it has been
a very long time,

some of them really stick out,
you know.

Like, uh...

uh...

Yeah, I remember being
really thirsty one night

and you just marched
right in there

with a glass of water.

You didn't
even complain.

I think you put a couple
of ice cubes in it too.

You even took the glass back.

And you kissed charlotte
good night.

Yeah, that was great.

Seeing all that affection.

And there were other times too.

Uh...

like, um...

you took an interest
in my school, I remember.

Yeah, I remember one time,
in particular,

you asked me
what grade I was in.

And I was such a punk kid,
I didn't even answer you.

It was fifth grade, Dad.

Well, look,
anyway, uh...

whatever you did
or you didn't do,

it got me here.

Hey, you know something?

Uh...

even though
we haven't spoken in 30 years,

and I've never tried
to get in touch with you,

it has made a difference,
your being in this world...

for me.

Look, I lied, um...

Charlotte didn't force me
to come here.

I came because I wanted to.

( voice breaking ):
No, no, I came because I had to.

No, I came because
you're my father.

You're my father.

Oh, damn it,
you're my father.

( sobbing quietly )

Alex?

Hi, Dad.

Oh, my God!

Oh, geez, I'm sorry.

Hope I haven't
screwed things up here.

He a friend of yours?

Well, he is now.

Hey, uh... you two
don't even look alike.

How did I make the mistake?

It has been a while.

Yeah.

I, um...

are you supposed to be up?

Probably not.

I thought you were
in critical condition.

Really?

I feel fine.

Yeah?

( stammers )

I, uh... I came here to see
how you were, and, uh...

this gentleman and I had
a really terrific conversation.

Boy, do I feel stupid right now.

I mean,
I made a big speech to him

about how I felt
about him and me.

You and me.

What did you say?

Well, it was kind of personal.

( anxious laughter )

I don't know.

Um...

Listen, I, uh...

Well, uh...

take it easy.

You too.

Right.

Right.

Well, um...

so long.

So long.

Alex.

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

( singing in Spanish )

( singing continues )

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

?Que pasa, que pasa,
que pasa?

( speaking native language )

( speaking Spanish )

Take a hike, all right?

( shouting in native language )

( yelling in native languages )

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Come on!

It's quittin' time.
Let's go home.

Take it easy, huh?

Okay, bye-bye.

( theme music playing )

WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.

( grunts )