Taxi (1978–1983): Season 2, Episode 18 - What Price Bobby? - full transcript

Bobby's acting career is on the rise after he starts having an affair with his new agent.

( theme music playing )

( scatting to radio )

634 East 62nd Street,
please.

I can't believe it.

Excuse me?

You're Nora Chandless.

Do I know you?

Bobby Wheeler.

I'm an actor.

Do you know where I can
find a cab driver, Mr. Wheeler?

I have an appointment to make.



Very Good. I'm sorry.

Hey, where was it you said
you wanted to go again?

634 East 62nd.

BOBBY:
Boy, this is some
big coincidence.

You're one of the biggest
actors' managers in New York.

And me, a young, talented,

yet-to-be-discovered
actor in the same cab.

I'll be talking
about it for weeks.

I guess it's not such
a coincidence, huh?

Especially since I cruise
the theater district a lot,

hoping to meet
someone like you.

Not only did I meet
someone like you, I met you.

Now you can't get any more
like you than you, can you?

I scored
a point, huh?



Yeah, a partial point.

You have
a nice smile.

Oh, yeah? You can tell
from back there, huh?

Yeah, I'm looking at your
eight-by-ten glossy

taped to the seat here.

Do you mind
a suggestion?

No. You kidding?
Go ahead.

I'd do something
about the mustache

and the missing teeth.

Oh, someone must have drawn
on the thing again.

It's signed, "As always, Louie."

Look, uh... Miss Chandless,
I know what I'm about to say

is going to sound
pushy and aggressive,

but at this stage
in my career

I've run out of humble.

Hey, please don't start
pitching, okay?

I get that from actors
all the time.

I can't tell anything
about their acting ability

from their pitches, so...

Okay, I'm sorry.

And you're
absolutely right.

A New York Times reviewer
once said

that I was the most natural
young actor he'd seen in years.

You're pitching.

That's not pitching.

That's lying.

Look, I'm performing
two nights a week...

There's no stopping you,
is there?

...in a little theater
in Brooklyn.

Now, I don't want to
impose, but I am really good.

Well, look, I hope you get

a really big break some day,
all right?

Oh, I have!

I've gotten a huge break!
What?

Your getting into this cab!

Green light.

Oh, yeah.

Except...

you know, one other
time I came close.

I hate to be
a name-dropper,

but once I
almost picked up

Mike Nichols.

So did I.

What?

( laughing )

I like your laugh.

Oh, yeah?

( continues laughing )

And that's my
weakest feature.

All right. So, uh, Tell me
about this play you're in

two nights a week.

What's it called?

Stall. It's an experimental
play about 12 people

stuck in a stalled elevator.

It raises an
age-old question:

which is the
greater agony--

to be stuck
in an elevator

or to be watching a show

about being stuck
in an elevator?

I'm not going to
tell you any more

'cause you may not want
to come and see me in it.

Well, I'll tell you what.

If I'm in the neighborhood
and I get a chance,

I'll try to catch it.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

You know, gave you my best shot.

Thanks for listening.

I said I'll try to see it.

Oh, I know, and thanks.

Hey, you're here.

That will be
$2.50, please.

Wait a minute.

You don't think
I'll try to see it, do you?

I think you're just
trying to be nice to me.

I am not trying
to be nice to you.

I said I'll try to see it
and I mean, I'll try to see it.

You know, you don't have
to let me down easy.

I'm used to
disappointment.

I am not
letting you down easy.

I am telling you
that I'll...

probably be there.

Hey, if you're not,
it'll be okay.

It'll be all right.

It will not be all right,
damn it.

I'll be there.

Hi, guys.

Hey, uh, Tony?

Alex called me
this afternoon.

Oh, yeah?
What did he say?

Well, he said to say hello
to you guys

and the skiing's great,
and he misses us,

and that he's never coming back.

What do you mean
he's never coming back?

That's what he said.

Come on, you must
have misunderstood.
No.

What were
his exact words?

Oh, well,
his exact words were

"I'm never, ever, ever,
never, never coming back."

You sure he didn't say

"I'm never, ever, ever,
never coming back, ha-ha?"

You know how Alex
likes to kid.

I don't think he was kidding.

I know how
Alex feels.

I once left a city
and moved to a commune

to get away from it all.

We had acres and acres
of beautiful, unspoiled land

to plant and harvest

and do our own thing on.

Well, that sounds
really nice.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, everybody's thing

was standing around,
getting loaded.

You mean, nobody
did any farming, huh?

Yeah.

There was this one guy
who farmed when he was loaded.

One day I caught him
trying to plant a chicken.

That might be all fine
and well with you, Jim,

but I know that Alex
is coming back.

But Latka, he said
that the skiing's great

and he's never
been happier.

It's all right,
Elaine.

I know
he will be back.

He's breathing
clean, fresh air.

He will be back.

And meeting a lot
of attractive women.

I'm going to miss him.

Hey, guys!

She came to the play last night

just like she said
she was going to.

Who?

Nora Chandless.

Who's Nora Chandless?

Didn't I talk to you

about this last night?

I mean, I know I talked
to somebody about it.

Th-that was me.

Who's Nora Chandless?

She's a personal manager.

She's handled the careers

of some of the most successful
New York actors there are.

She is a star-maker,
and if she decides

to represent me,
I'd be on my way.

Hey, Bobby, what's
the big deal about
this lady?

Don't you already
have somebody

that takes care of you--
that fat, bald guy?

That fat, bald guy,
he's my agent.

See, Nora Chandless,
she's a personal manager.

She'll take control
over my career.

If she can find it.

You know, Louie...

it's not like I'm invisible.

I'm doing this play,

and I did that athlete's foot
commercial for television.

What athlete's
foot commercial?

You mean the one
with the row of feet?

Yeah. You've seen it?

Yeah, I seen it.

Which foot was yours?

The one on the far left.

I should have known--
the one that was overacting.

( phone ringing )

Coming...

Sunshine Cab Co.,
drivers' lounge.

Who, Bobby Wheeler?

No, he doesn't
live here anymore.

I do! Get out of here!
I live here! I live here!

Hey, this is Bobby Wheel...

Yeah? Yeah?

Hey, hey, thank you.

Uh... thank you very much.

That was Nora Chandless's
secretary.

Nora Chandless wants to see me
in her office right away.

All right. See that?
Yay!

Congratulations.

Who's Nora Chandler?

Bobby, hi.

Listen, now I only
have a minute.

I want to tell you, I saw you
in your play last night,

and everything
you said is absolutely true--

it stinks.

Oh, but...
But wait,

Okay, the rest of what
you said is true, too.

You are marvelous.

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

No, I mean it.

Now, look, I'm in the
middle of a meeting,

so I have to be quick here,

but I like what
I see in you.

Yeah?
You know, I think you've
got a lot of promise.

I'd really like
to work with you.

You interested?

( shrieking with glee )

Well, I'm going to have
to think about it.

Oh, you just don't know
what this means to me.

Okay, now listen.

I want to give you
the name and address

of my photographer.

Go over there
this afternoon,

arrange to have
some new photos taken.

Also the number
of, uh... my hair stylist.

Come back here
later on this afternoon.

My personal secretary
will take you out,

pick you up
a new wardrobe.

Oh, Miss Chandless...

Oh, I am really good,

and I can't wait
to prove it to you.

Good.

You can start tonight.

Here are the keys

to my apartment.

See ya.

( sighs )

Okay... I give up.

It is chess.

Damn!

I was going
to guess that.

Anybody else
want to try?

Here you go,
Lou.

Tony...

I'm really worried
about Alex.

Why? He called again?

No. That's why
I'm worried.

He stopped calling.

Gosh. I just can't even imagine

the Sunshine Cab Company
without Alex Rieger.

Come on, Elaine.

We still got a chance
he'll come back.

You know, once you live
in New York for a while,

you can't get it
out of your blood.

Or your clothes or your hair
or your skin.

I'll miss him, too.

You know... it's your fault
he isn't coming back.

What are you talking
about, Louie?

I'm talking about the burdens
you are to him.

You're always inflicting
your problems on the guy.

"Let's ask Alex.

"Let's ask Alex.

"Oh, my girlfriend--
I got a little problem, Alex.

"Aw, my kids-- aw, Alex.

"What should I do?
My nose is running.

Let's ask Alex."

It ain't that way, Lou.

No?
No.

Gee, I don't
know, Tony.

Maybe Louie's right.

You know...

maybe we have been
a burden to Alex,

and maybe that's one
of the reasons

why he's not coming back.

Well, Elaine, if we're
keeping him away,

let's do something
to get him back.

Okay, but what?

Let's ask Alex.

Good idea.

( groans )

Bobby,
so what happened?

What happened?

Yeah, I thought you
were going to call me.

Yeah, I mean,
did she like you?

Uh, she's going
to represent me.

( screaming )

You must be
so excited, man!

You must feel like jumping up
and down and doing cartwheels

and yelling from rooftops

and exploding
in a million pieces!

And... at least smiling.

Hey, man, ain't you happy?

Oh. Oh, yeah.
Of course I'm happy.

It's just that I got
a lot of work to do.

I'm auditioning
for a Broadway revival.

Well, come on, Bobby,
you can spare ten seconds.

I mean, this is big stuff.

Give us some details.

Well, there isn't much,
you know?

Just went to her office,

and-and-and she sent me
to her hair stylist,

and she bought me some clothes,
sent me to a photographer.

Then we went to her apartment,

we talked some business
and then we went to bed.

Congratulations.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, Bobby, you're sleeping
with your manager?

Hey, do you have to tell
the whole garage?

Wheeler's sleeping
with his manager!

Is she attractive?

Oh, sure, sure.

She's attractive,
all right.

Well, then, Bobby, you got
even more reason to be excited.

Not only have you
found a manager,

you've found a...

A great manager!

Listen, guys...

I don't really want to talk
about it right now, you know?

Come on, Bobby,
it's not like

you're prostituting
yourself.

Is it?

Man, hey, Bobby...

you okay, man?

I don't know.

Just I'm afraid
that I don't feel

anything for her,
you know, man?

Well, uh,
maybe it was just

a one-time thing.

Yeah.

Maybe it was just
her way of saying,
"Welcome aboard."

You know, this is the biggest
break of my career,

and I'm supposed to be ecstatic
about it.

And all I feel is...

cheap.

Bobby...

I don't know
what's right,

and I don't know
what's wrong.

I don't even know
what's going on.

Wheeler, are you saying

that you're using
your body

to further your career?

Now, that is smart.

I'm glad you've finally
figured it out

that you're not going
to get there on your talent.

Sometimes the best thing
that you can do

is to give the people
in higher places

anything they want.

Now I hope this lesson
isn't lost on you...

Nardo.

Yeah, well, I can't take
another step

until I get
a more reasonable offer.

Well, it's as simple as that.

Yeah, excuse me.

Bobby, hi.

I'll be with you
in a minute.

I'm on the phone here.

No. Somebody
just walked in.

Well, I'll tell you, why
don't we sleep on it?

No, no, no. I-I can't agree
to lunch until we sleep on it.

That's right, let's sleep
on whether to have lunch.

Yeah, okay, bye-bye.

So, how'd the
audition go, huh?

I let you down.

I let myself down.

I let Tennessee Williams down.

I let my mother
and my father down.

I don't deserve
to be on the stage.

I don't even deserve to live.

Oh, come on, Bobby,
every actor I know

comes out of audition
and thinks he didn't do well.

Didn't do well?

I threw up.

During the scene on the stage.

I was late, so I grabbed
a chili dog on the way over,

and they rushed me
right on to the stage.

I was so nervous...

I threw up.

I don't know,
I just don't deserve

a part like that anyway.

Well, I guess there's
only one thing I can
say to pick you up.

There's nothing
you can say...

You got the part.

( stammering )

You're telling me
that I got the part

that I auditioned for
today on Broadway as Brick?

Congratulations. Yes.

Well, actually, I did
throw up in character.

I mean, it's not like
I didn't use it.

And there's nothing
in the script

that says old Brick
can't throw up.

Oh, hey, I hope they don't want
me to do that every night.

That's a lot
of chili dogs.

Ooh, they really thought
I was good today, huh?

Uh, in a way-- you had the part
before you walked in the door.

You see,
they didn't take you,

then I didn't give them
the actress

they wanted for Maggie.

Welcome
to show business.

Oh, it's everything
I hoped it would be.

Bobby, come on.

Now, in the cab
you said to me

you wanted
a great manager.

Well, you've got one.

This is what a
great manager does.

Oh, no, it isn't.

Sure it is.

Great managers don't...
hmm-hmm-hmm...

with their clients.

First of all,

the room you're pointing to
is the kitchen.

And second of all,

no good is
going to come

out of our having
this conversation

you seem to want
to have right now.

Bobby, look, look, look-- if it
makes you feel any better,

I think you are very talented.

However,
I also happen

to be interested in you, uh...
personally.

I don't know how one
affects the other.

I don't care.

Yeah, but, Nora...

I feel like I did
a terrible thing last night.

What?

I may have slept with you
to advance my career.

And what was the terrible thing
you did?

Hey, Bobby, look it--

if it bothers you that much,
the answer is very simple.

Obviously, we cannot maintain
both a business

and a personal relationship.

No, no, we can't.

Well, then,

let's not even try
to have both.

Oh, great!
Let's just have

the relationship
we both want.

Business.
Personal.

( chuckling )

Or personal.

Or business...
or bismal?

Bobby...

I'm only kidding.
Bobby...

I just wan...
Bobby...

I think I'm losing
a little interest here.

If you'll excuse me.

Sure.

( sighs )

I mean, I'd like you to leave.

Now?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm leaving.

You know,
just let me understand

what seems
to be obvious here.

You're kicking me out, right?

Right.

And, uh, you're not
my manager anymore, right?

Right.

We're not seeing each other
socially, right?

That's right.

I didn't get the part
I got today on Broadway, right?

Right.

I guess the pictures are out.

No pictures.

No haircut, huh?

No haircut.

Whew... rough day.

Hey, look, Nora,

I've lost a lot tonight.

I lost my manager...

I lost my job,
I lost my future.

But at least
I have one thing.

At least I have my self-respect.

Oh, no, you don't.

Oh, yes, I do.

Oh, no you don't.
Because if I said come back,

you'd come back in a second.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Try me.

Come back.

Okay.

Now you don't have
your self-respect.

Good night.

Aw...

Okay.

So, I lost my manager.

I lost my job, I lost my future,
I lost my self-respect.

But at least I have
one thing left:

I have my shoes.

What?

I don't know.

It's all I could think of.

But at least I have them.

And they're all mine.

Oh, no, you don't.

Oh, yes, I do.

Oh, no, you don't.

Because if I said,
"Give me your shoes

and I'll let you come back,"
you'd give me your shoes.

Try me.

Give me your shoes
and I'll let you come back.

Please?

Huh.

Okay?

No, I think
we're finished.

Now you're just
an out-of-work actor

without pride or shoes.

Aw...

You know, Nora,

you've put me through
a lot tonight,

and we may never see
each other again,

but at least I have one thing
to say...

If you don't give me
my shoes back

I'm going to bust your lamp.

Here. Here, take 'em.

My shoes are
not for sale.

Yeah, Bob, I'm sorry
it didn't work out

with your manager.

Well, listen,
we'll talk about it more

when I get back tomorrow.

Yeah, of course
I'm coming back.

Well, a man can only ski
and relax

and party and loaf
for just so long

before it gets old and boring.

Unfortunately,
I ran out of money

before I found out
just how long.

Bob, I have to say good-bye.

The maid just came in.

Yeah, bye.

( sighs )

She kicked you out,
huh, Wheeler?

Boy, did she ever.

Dropped me like
a hot potato.

You're not going to do
that part on Broadway?

I'm lucky if I ever
get a job again.

( Louie chuckling )

I don't know.

It's the real pits.

I'll tell you that much.

Women.

Well, Bob...

Yeah, Lou?

There's only one
thing I can say.

What?

Wheeler, cab 544!

Rappaport, 721...