Taxi (1978–1983): Season 2, Episode 11 - Latka's Revolting - full transcript
After Latka's country erupts into a civil war, he feels that he has a obligation to go home and join the revolution, after all he is a General.
( polka music
playing over radio )
( disc jockey speaking
in Latka's native language )
What's Latka listening to?
There's a New York
radio station
that broadcasts
in Latka's language
every day
for a couple of hours.
Oh, it must be nice to
keep in touch with home.
Bet he loves it.
Hey, Latka?
What?
What is that--
the news?
Yeah, it's the news.
Just the usual thing--
they devalued the broknik
and the royal family is
vacationing in Calcutta
and... oh, Ippi Dongpres
just set the new indoor
pole-vaulting record
for my country.
He jumped 12 feet.
Ah.
That's not so good,
you know.
12 feet is way off
the world record.
Yes, but remember
the National Sports Arena
has a ten-foot ceiling.
Ooh.
In that case,
I'm impressed.
On the lighter side,
it seems that a farmer
made a mistake in the dark
and tried to milk a billy goat.
What are you going to do?
JIM:
Top of the morning!
It's 5:00 p.m.,
clam brain.
I think the boss is starting
to warm up to me.
( polka music over radio )
You just never know
what Dylan's
going to do next.
( news broadcast breaks in
on radio )
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
( speaking native
language )
What's the matter?
What happened?
What happened?
Adi-feebie! Adi-feebie!
ALL:
Adi-feebie!
Adi-feebie! Adi-feebie!
Where the hell
are you going?
You don't know what
adi-feebie means.
So what?
Oh, no,
The revolution!
The revolution
has begun.
There is fighting
in the streets.
The people have
taken up arms.
Oh, no! What am
I going to do?
My country, my friends,
my family!
Latka, Latka, let
me take you home.
We'll try to get in
touch with your family.
It's okay, Louie?
You bet, Latka.
But this counts
as your vacation.
Just be very
careful, Louie.
The seeds of adi-feebie
have been planted in our minds.
( all chanting ):
Adi-feebie, adi-feebie
adi-feebie, adi-feebie,
Adi-feebie, adi-feebie...
LATKA:
I must talk to you.
I am thinking of going home
to fight in the revolution.
Yeah, Latka, I knew
you'd have to face
this decision.
Yes, well, it is
a very difficult one.
Latka, listen to me
very carefully.
Now, look, you're
an American now,
and your life
is right here.
Nevertheless, you have
great feelings of loyalty
and deep concerns
for your people
right there.
However, as a new
citizen of this country,
your responsibilities
are right here.
The only thing
that I can think of
that you could do
right now
is to make the best
decision that you can.
Thank you very much
for trying to help me.
Anytime, Latka.
I might as well have been
talking to my wrench.
LOUIE:
Latka!
Why don't you
just get to work?
I think you've played
this revolutionary baloney
for all it's worth.
Okay, I'll go
get my tools.
Jeesh.
ALEX:
Louie, thank you
for your great
understanding
of this terrible period
in Latka's life.
( growls )
( grunts )
Hello.
I'm showing my face
at you with pleasure.
I am meeting you, and how is it?
Somebody shut the doors
or this place is going
to be crawling with flies.
Thank you
very much.
I would like to put my face
into Mr. Latka Gravas
to please me, yes?
Oh, you're from
Latka's country?
Ibeeda.
Baschi!
Latka!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
BOTH:
Boom-boom.
( squealing )
I saw a couple of birds do
that on Marlin Perkins once.
( speaking native language )
Have you met my friends?
No, thank you.
Okay.
Tony, Bobby, Alex, Elaine...
this is Baschi.
How do I do?
How do I do?
How do I do?
( flirting in
native language )
What's he saying?
He asks, "Have you read
a good book lately?"
I can see the love of
literature in his eyes.
TONY:
Yo, Baschi.
How long you been
in this country?
I came along
with Latka.
Yes. You see, I
stayed in New York,
and he went on
to Hollywood.
I went to Hollywood to
movie producer become.
Ooh, how exciting.
So what have you done?
Uh, Sid's Carwash.
Who was in that one?
Me, Sid and
12 illegal aliens.
It was a real carwash.
Oh, you betcha.
But big plans
I am making me.
Well, what are you doing
in New York?
Oh, I am going home to
fight in the revolution.
And, stopping here,
I am to get Latka.
Baschi, ibeeda...
( speaking native language )
Oh, no Baschi,
I am American now.
Oh, no.
( speaking
native language )
You must talk
to me in American.
I am an American.
What, oh, sure, you are
an American on the outside,
with all your
fine clothes.
But, on the inside...
( speaking
native language )
Baschi, I have here my
apartment, my job, my friends.
I am giving up
the movie business.
It's no use.
I have thought it over,
and I have decided...
* Ibeeda ibee-dorfnish,
ibeeda *
* Ibeeda malka-morfnish,
ibeeda *
* Ibeeda...
BOTH:
* Ibeeda ibee-dabee
yaktabay yakta-babee *
* Bilfkayo bilfka-yabe
* Kerkaflik kerka-flumsmarch
ibeeda *
* I-bee-da.
I must go home.
ELAINE:
Oh, why, Latka?
Well, because it is my country,
and I love it.
And also because I am a general.
( commanding in
native language )
( commanding )
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
( sound off march )
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
Abee dabee.
Icki bicki.
Abee dabee, icki bicki,
abee dabee, icki bicki!
Well, you know, everyone
is here except Louie.
I wish he would come.
I always liked Louie.
Yeah, I know, and
I always wondered why.
He calls you names,
he yells at you,
and still,
you're nice to him.
Yeah, but think how he
would treat me if I weren't.
Good point.
All right,
hey, come on.
I want to make
the first toast.
ALEX:
Yeah,
toast.
To the best mechanic around.
To one of the nicest guys
that ever worked at
the Sunshine Cab Company.
ALL:
Hear! Hear!
Well, I have
to go rotate.
You have
to circulate.
Oh, boy. I am going
to be very busy.
Oh, Alex, isn't there anything
we can say to keep him here?
Elaine, he's made
his decision.
No, we're not going
to change his mind.
We'd only make him feel worse.
We're going to feel terrible
if something happens to Latka,
and we haven't done
anything to stop him.
I mean, we're talking
about war, for God's sake.
Hey, I'm the only
one here was
ever in a war,
and I want to tell you,
there's some positive things
in it, too.
Oh, come on, Tony.
No, Elaine,
I'm talking
about friendships
I'm talking
about camaraderie.
You know, I never felt closer
to another human being
than I did to some
of my buddies in Nam.
I remember one night,
just before the Tet Offensive,
I was sitting with two of
my best buddies, Chuck and Matt.
Chuck said, "There's no way
"the three of us are going
to make it through this thing.
"Maybe one of us--
all right, maybe two of us--
but definitely not three."
I want
to tell you,
we cried
that night.
I ain't ashamed--
we hugged that night.
What happened
to Chuck and Matt?
I don't want to talk about it.
They didn't make it, huh?
No, they made it.
A year later,
they married each other.
I heard they opened
a roller-disco in L.A.
Old soldiers never die.
Latka, can I talk
to you a minute?
Oh, yes. I know what you're
going to say, Elaine.
"Latka, tonight is
your last night here.
"Tomorrow you go to war,
"so tonight I will give you
my body to use as you will
so that you
will never
forget me."
No, I wasn't going
to say that.
But how about it?
Latka, sit down
a minute.
Listen to me.
We know that you
feel a tremendous
obligation to this,
but we're worried
about you, and...
and we're not going to
think that you're a coward
if you decide
not to go.
Elaine, there is one thing
you don't understand.
My troops need me.
Latka, I think it's great
that you became a general
at such a young age.
Oh, it is easy to be
a general in my country.
The hard part is
to be a living general.
Hello?
Did I say
something wrong?
Come on, everybody, cheer up.
Here, I brought something
for all of you to drink.
Here, it's brefnish
from the old country.
I've been saving it
for a special occasion.
See? Have some.
Well, cheers, everybody.
The line forms
behind me.
( polka music playing )
In the old country,
they do it like this.
Hey, all right,
Tony!
( cheering and applause )
ELAINE:
Okay, Bobby.
Alex!
Oh, come on.
ELAINE:
Come on!
ALL:
Yay!
Now, this is the part where
we all strip to the waist
and set fire to the barns
in the village.
All right!
We'll save that for
your coming-home party.
Yes, thank you.
Hey,
Latka?
Yeah?
What is it, Jim?
Your mind's really made up
about this, huh?
Yes, it is, Jim.
And nothing I say
is going to change it?
No, Jim.
Well, there's only one
thing left for me to do.
What's that?
I'm going with you.
We'll fight this
thing together.
I haven't had
a chance to prove it,
but I'm as good
American as any man.
No, no, Jim, Jim, America
is not involved in this one.
It is now.
Death to the
revolutionary rebels!
But I am fighting for
the revolutionary rebels.
Death to the
imperialist stooges!
But they were thrown out
a long time ago.
Death to the
puppet regime!
But there is
no puppet regime.
Who the hell
are we fighting?
The tyrannical despot.
Well, the tyrannical despot
will soon know the name...
Jim...
Ignatowski!
Right.
Already,
it's spreading.
LATKA:
Louie!
Hi, Louie!
Oh, hello.
How are you?
It's so...
wonderful for you
to come to my party.
I didn't come
to the party.
I came to bring you
your severance pay.
Oh.
I forgot to give it
to you when you left.
Oh, thank you.
Don't thank me.
If it was up to me,
you wouldn't get a dime.
It's bad enough you're
leaving the company,
but you're running out
on America, too.
You think I'm going to go to
a party for a guy like that?
Thanks, but no thanks.
Good-bye, Louie.
I'm not done with you, Latka.
Come here.
I'll give you
another chewing-out.
Come on outside here.
Come out here.
( quiet murmuring )
LATKA:
Thank you, Louie.
LOUIE:
Shh!
Take care
of yourself.
Better give
this guy a drink.
I was pretty
rough on him.
Louie, wait.
Why don't you come
and join the party?
No, no.
Hey, Louie...
you'd make us all feel
miserable if you did.
Okay.
I knew he
would come.
Well, I just don't want
this evening to go
without my
making a toast.
To Latka...
who fixed our cabs
and made us smile
and brightened our lives.
Your honor
calls you hence,
and all the gods
go with you.
Upon your sword
sit laurel victory,
and smooth success be
strewed before your feet.
That's beautiful,
Bobby.
That was from
Anthony and Cleopatra.
Oh. Well, thank
them both for me.
As insane as war is,
if the people
in Latka's country
are anything
like Latka,
they're worth
fighting for.
Here's to Latka--
his homeland,
his people and
his safe return.
Now I would like
to make a toast.
To all my friends
in America.
I came here as a stranger, and
you all helped me and taught me,
and I want you all to know
that I love you very much.
( marching )
( sound off march )
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
Abee dabee.
Icki bicki.
Abee dabee, icki bicki,
abee dabee, icki bicki!
Ip chick.
( murmuring )
Shh!
Is time to go, Baschi?
Yeah.
( speaking native language )
Good-bye, Alex.
Come back
to us, Latka.
Okay.
Good-bye, Bobby.
Good-bye, Latka.
Come back safe.
Okay, I'll try.
Good-bye, Tony.
Take it easy, Latka.
Good-bye, Elaine.
Good-bye, Latka.
Good-bye.
I am going to miss you.
Good-bye, Louie.
Good-bye, Latka.
Okay, I'm ready.
Oh, Latka...
I'm going to write
to you every day.
I promise.
Oh, thank you. And I
will write to you, too.
Okay. Do you think,
before you go,
that maybe you
could, like, draw
a map of your country
so that we know what
you're talking about
in your letters?
Do we have time, Baschi?
Yes, but quickly.
Hey, Tommy, you got
that blackboard
you used
to use as menus?
TOMMY:
Yeah. It's in the back.
I'll get it.
LATKA:
Baschi?
( speaking native language )
Oh, excuse me,
but I sure do know how
to stink as an artist.
But here goes.
This is the borders...
sort of.
And this is the capital.
And here is
the river Meshmend.
And this is the
Faptosh mountain range.
And where
will you be?
Ah, the rebel stronghold is
at the top of Mount Faptosh.
This is where.
Where are the
government troops?
( speaking native language )
( speaks in
native language )
( speaks in
native language )
( speaking in native language )
Oy.
Uh... excuse me, Baschi...
but where are the rest
of the rebel forces?
Right here.
Uh... wait.
Excuse me again, Baschi,
but let me understand.
This is us?
That's right.
And this is them?
You betcha.
Well, now it's time
for us to go.
No, no. Now is time
for you to kiss my yaktabe.
Latka, Latka,
where are you going?
Where are you going?
I'm going home to watch
the Tonight Show.
* Ibeeda ibee-dorfnish
ibeeda... ibeeda *
* Ibeeda malka-morfnish
ibeeda... ibeeda *
* Ibeeda ibee-dabee...
* I'm a Yankee
Doodle Dandy... *
* ...bilfka-yabe, kerkablik...
* ...Do or die
* A real live nephew
of my Uncle Sam *
* Born on the fourth of July
* I've got a Yankee Doodle
sweetheart *
* She's my Yankee Doodle joy
* Yankee Doodle went to London
just to ride the ponies *
( blows whistle )
* I am that Yankee Doodle boy.
( all cheering )
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
( Walters mutters )
playing over radio )
( disc jockey speaking
in Latka's native language )
What's Latka listening to?
There's a New York
radio station
that broadcasts
in Latka's language
every day
for a couple of hours.
Oh, it must be nice to
keep in touch with home.
Bet he loves it.
Hey, Latka?
What?
What is that--
the news?
Yeah, it's the news.
Just the usual thing--
they devalued the broknik
and the royal family is
vacationing in Calcutta
and... oh, Ippi Dongpres
just set the new indoor
pole-vaulting record
for my country.
He jumped 12 feet.
Ah.
That's not so good,
you know.
12 feet is way off
the world record.
Yes, but remember
the National Sports Arena
has a ten-foot ceiling.
Ooh.
In that case,
I'm impressed.
On the lighter side,
it seems that a farmer
made a mistake in the dark
and tried to milk a billy goat.
What are you going to do?
JIM:
Top of the morning!
It's 5:00 p.m.,
clam brain.
I think the boss is starting
to warm up to me.
( polka music over radio )
You just never know
what Dylan's
going to do next.
( news broadcast breaks in
on radio )
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
( speaking native
language )
What's the matter?
What happened?
What happened?
Adi-feebie! Adi-feebie!
ALL:
Adi-feebie!
Adi-feebie! Adi-feebie!
Where the hell
are you going?
You don't know what
adi-feebie means.
So what?
Oh, no,
The revolution!
The revolution
has begun.
There is fighting
in the streets.
The people have
taken up arms.
Oh, no! What am
I going to do?
My country, my friends,
my family!
Latka, Latka, let
me take you home.
We'll try to get in
touch with your family.
It's okay, Louie?
You bet, Latka.
But this counts
as your vacation.
Just be very
careful, Louie.
The seeds of adi-feebie
have been planted in our minds.
( all chanting ):
Adi-feebie, adi-feebie
adi-feebie, adi-feebie,
Adi-feebie, adi-feebie...
LATKA:
I must talk to you.
I am thinking of going home
to fight in the revolution.
Yeah, Latka, I knew
you'd have to face
this decision.
Yes, well, it is
a very difficult one.
Latka, listen to me
very carefully.
Now, look, you're
an American now,
and your life
is right here.
Nevertheless, you have
great feelings of loyalty
and deep concerns
for your people
right there.
However, as a new
citizen of this country,
your responsibilities
are right here.
The only thing
that I can think of
that you could do
right now
is to make the best
decision that you can.
Thank you very much
for trying to help me.
Anytime, Latka.
I might as well have been
talking to my wrench.
LOUIE:
Latka!
Why don't you
just get to work?
I think you've played
this revolutionary baloney
for all it's worth.
Okay, I'll go
get my tools.
Jeesh.
ALEX:
Louie, thank you
for your great
understanding
of this terrible period
in Latka's life.
( growls )
( grunts )
Hello.
I'm showing my face
at you with pleasure.
I am meeting you, and how is it?
Somebody shut the doors
or this place is going
to be crawling with flies.
Thank you
very much.
I would like to put my face
into Mr. Latka Gravas
to please me, yes?
Oh, you're from
Latka's country?
Ibeeda.
Baschi!
Latka!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
BOTH:
Boom-boom.
( squealing )
I saw a couple of birds do
that on Marlin Perkins once.
( speaking native language )
Have you met my friends?
No, thank you.
Okay.
Tony, Bobby, Alex, Elaine...
this is Baschi.
How do I do?
How do I do?
How do I do?
( flirting in
native language )
What's he saying?
He asks, "Have you read
a good book lately?"
I can see the love of
literature in his eyes.
TONY:
Yo, Baschi.
How long you been
in this country?
I came along
with Latka.
Yes. You see, I
stayed in New York,
and he went on
to Hollywood.
I went to Hollywood to
movie producer become.
Ooh, how exciting.
So what have you done?
Uh, Sid's Carwash.
Who was in that one?
Me, Sid and
12 illegal aliens.
It was a real carwash.
Oh, you betcha.
But big plans
I am making me.
Well, what are you doing
in New York?
Oh, I am going home to
fight in the revolution.
And, stopping here,
I am to get Latka.
Baschi, ibeeda...
( speaking native language )
Oh, no Baschi,
I am American now.
Oh, no.
( speaking
native language )
You must talk
to me in American.
I am an American.
What, oh, sure, you are
an American on the outside,
with all your
fine clothes.
But, on the inside...
( speaking
native language )
Baschi, I have here my
apartment, my job, my friends.
I am giving up
the movie business.
It's no use.
I have thought it over,
and I have decided...
* Ibeeda ibee-dorfnish,
ibeeda *
* Ibeeda malka-morfnish,
ibeeda *
* Ibeeda...
BOTH:
* Ibeeda ibee-dabee
yaktabay yakta-babee *
* Bilfkayo bilfka-yabe
* Kerkaflik kerka-flumsmarch
ibeeda *
* I-bee-da.
I must go home.
ELAINE:
Oh, why, Latka?
Well, because it is my country,
and I love it.
And also because I am a general.
( commanding in
native language )
( commanding )
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
( sound off march )
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
Abee dabee.
Icki bicki.
Abee dabee, icki bicki,
abee dabee, icki bicki!
Well, you know, everyone
is here except Louie.
I wish he would come.
I always liked Louie.
Yeah, I know, and
I always wondered why.
He calls you names,
he yells at you,
and still,
you're nice to him.
Yeah, but think how he
would treat me if I weren't.
Good point.
All right,
hey, come on.
I want to make
the first toast.
ALEX:
Yeah,
toast.
To the best mechanic around.
To one of the nicest guys
that ever worked at
the Sunshine Cab Company.
ALL:
Hear! Hear!
Well, I have
to go rotate.
You have
to circulate.
Oh, boy. I am going
to be very busy.
Oh, Alex, isn't there anything
we can say to keep him here?
Elaine, he's made
his decision.
No, we're not going
to change his mind.
We'd only make him feel worse.
We're going to feel terrible
if something happens to Latka,
and we haven't done
anything to stop him.
I mean, we're talking
about war, for God's sake.
Hey, I'm the only
one here was
ever in a war,
and I want to tell you,
there's some positive things
in it, too.
Oh, come on, Tony.
No, Elaine,
I'm talking
about friendships
I'm talking
about camaraderie.
You know, I never felt closer
to another human being
than I did to some
of my buddies in Nam.
I remember one night,
just before the Tet Offensive,
I was sitting with two of
my best buddies, Chuck and Matt.
Chuck said, "There's no way
"the three of us are going
to make it through this thing.
"Maybe one of us--
all right, maybe two of us--
but definitely not three."
I want
to tell you,
we cried
that night.
I ain't ashamed--
we hugged that night.
What happened
to Chuck and Matt?
I don't want to talk about it.
They didn't make it, huh?
No, they made it.
A year later,
they married each other.
I heard they opened
a roller-disco in L.A.
Old soldiers never die.
Latka, can I talk
to you a minute?
Oh, yes. I know what you're
going to say, Elaine.
"Latka, tonight is
your last night here.
"Tomorrow you go to war,
"so tonight I will give you
my body to use as you will
so that you
will never
forget me."
No, I wasn't going
to say that.
But how about it?
Latka, sit down
a minute.
Listen to me.
We know that you
feel a tremendous
obligation to this,
but we're worried
about you, and...
and we're not going to
think that you're a coward
if you decide
not to go.
Elaine, there is one thing
you don't understand.
My troops need me.
Latka, I think it's great
that you became a general
at such a young age.
Oh, it is easy to be
a general in my country.
The hard part is
to be a living general.
Hello?
Did I say
something wrong?
Come on, everybody, cheer up.
Here, I brought something
for all of you to drink.
Here, it's brefnish
from the old country.
I've been saving it
for a special occasion.
See? Have some.
Well, cheers, everybody.
The line forms
behind me.
( polka music playing )
In the old country,
they do it like this.
Hey, all right,
Tony!
( cheering and applause )
ELAINE:
Okay, Bobby.
Alex!
Oh, come on.
ELAINE:
Come on!
ALL:
Yay!
Now, this is the part where
we all strip to the waist
and set fire to the barns
in the village.
All right!
We'll save that for
your coming-home party.
Yes, thank you.
Hey,
Latka?
Yeah?
What is it, Jim?
Your mind's really made up
about this, huh?
Yes, it is, Jim.
And nothing I say
is going to change it?
No, Jim.
Well, there's only one
thing left for me to do.
What's that?
I'm going with you.
We'll fight this
thing together.
I haven't had
a chance to prove it,
but I'm as good
American as any man.
No, no, Jim, Jim, America
is not involved in this one.
It is now.
Death to the
revolutionary rebels!
But I am fighting for
the revolutionary rebels.
Death to the
imperialist stooges!
But they were thrown out
a long time ago.
Death to the
puppet regime!
But there is
no puppet regime.
Who the hell
are we fighting?
The tyrannical despot.
Well, the tyrannical despot
will soon know the name...
Jim...
Ignatowski!
Right.
Already,
it's spreading.
LATKA:
Louie!
Hi, Louie!
Oh, hello.
How are you?
It's so...
wonderful for you
to come to my party.
I didn't come
to the party.
I came to bring you
your severance pay.
Oh.
I forgot to give it
to you when you left.
Oh, thank you.
Don't thank me.
If it was up to me,
you wouldn't get a dime.
It's bad enough you're
leaving the company,
but you're running out
on America, too.
You think I'm going to go to
a party for a guy like that?
Thanks, but no thanks.
Good-bye, Louie.
I'm not done with you, Latka.
Come here.
I'll give you
another chewing-out.
Come on outside here.
Come out here.
( quiet murmuring )
LATKA:
Thank you, Louie.
LOUIE:
Shh!
Take care
of yourself.
Better give
this guy a drink.
I was pretty
rough on him.
Louie, wait.
Why don't you come
and join the party?
No, no.
Hey, Louie...
you'd make us all feel
miserable if you did.
Okay.
I knew he
would come.
Well, I just don't want
this evening to go
without my
making a toast.
To Latka...
who fixed our cabs
and made us smile
and brightened our lives.
Your honor
calls you hence,
and all the gods
go with you.
Upon your sword
sit laurel victory,
and smooth success be
strewed before your feet.
That's beautiful,
Bobby.
That was from
Anthony and Cleopatra.
Oh. Well, thank
them both for me.
As insane as war is,
if the people
in Latka's country
are anything
like Latka,
they're worth
fighting for.
Here's to Latka--
his homeland,
his people and
his safe return.
Now I would like
to make a toast.
To all my friends
in America.
I came here as a stranger, and
you all helped me and taught me,
and I want you all to know
that I love you very much.
( marching )
( sound off march )
Ip chick.
Ip chick.
Abee dabee.
Icki bicki.
Abee dabee, icki bicki,
abee dabee, icki bicki!
Ip chick.
( murmuring )
Shh!
Is time to go, Baschi?
Yeah.
( speaking native language )
Good-bye, Alex.
Come back
to us, Latka.
Okay.
Good-bye, Bobby.
Good-bye, Latka.
Come back safe.
Okay, I'll try.
Good-bye, Tony.
Take it easy, Latka.
Good-bye, Elaine.
Good-bye, Latka.
Good-bye.
I am going to miss you.
Good-bye, Louie.
Good-bye, Latka.
Okay, I'm ready.
Oh, Latka...
I'm going to write
to you every day.
I promise.
Oh, thank you. And I
will write to you, too.
Okay. Do you think,
before you go,
that maybe you
could, like, draw
a map of your country
so that we know what
you're talking about
in your letters?
Do we have time, Baschi?
Yes, but quickly.
Hey, Tommy, you got
that blackboard
you used
to use as menus?
TOMMY:
Yeah. It's in the back.
I'll get it.
LATKA:
Baschi?
( speaking native language )
Oh, excuse me,
but I sure do know how
to stink as an artist.
But here goes.
This is the borders...
sort of.
And this is the capital.
And here is
the river Meshmend.
And this is the
Faptosh mountain range.
And where
will you be?
Ah, the rebel stronghold is
at the top of Mount Faptosh.
This is where.
Where are the
government troops?
( speaking native language )
( speaks in
native language )
( speaks in
native language )
( speaking in native language )
Oy.
Uh... excuse me, Baschi...
but where are the rest
of the rebel forces?
Right here.
Uh... wait.
Excuse me again, Baschi,
but let me understand.
This is us?
That's right.
And this is them?
You betcha.
Well, now it's time
for us to go.
No, no. Now is time
for you to kiss my yaktabe.
Latka, Latka,
where are you going?
Where are you going?
I'm going home to watch
the Tonight Show.
* Ibeeda ibee-dorfnish
ibeeda... ibeeda *
* Ibeeda malka-morfnish
ibeeda... ibeeda *
* Ibeeda ibee-dabee...
* I'm a Yankee
Doodle Dandy... *
* ...bilfka-yabe, kerkablik...
* ...Do or die
* A real live nephew
of my Uncle Sam *
* Born on the fourth of July
* I've got a Yankee Doodle
sweetheart *
* She's my Yankee Doodle joy
* Yankee Doodle went to London
just to ride the ponies *
( blows whistle )
* I am that Yankee Doodle boy.
( all cheering )
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
( Walters mutters )