Taxi (1978–1983): Season 2, Episode 10 - Alex's Romance - full transcript

Alex embarks on a romance with a fragile former soap star who is reluctant to get into a long-term relationship.

( theme music playing )

Bobby, I...
really appreciate

you taking the time
to console me.

Oh, that's okay,
that's okay.

Must be a real drag for you.

Now, come on,
you got to look

on the bright side
of things, huh?

Now, look at me.

I was dropped from
the same stupid
soap opera, right?

You don't see me
crying, do you?

What do you see
me doing, huh?



Driving a cab!

( wails )

A beer, please.

Oh, excuse me a second,
Joyce, okay?

Thank you.

Hi, Alex.

Hi, Bob.
How are you?

Okay. Am I glad
to see you.
Yeah?

Listen there's this
girl I-- lady-- you know,

that I think you'd
really like to meet.

I'd like to introduce...

Oh, Bob, thanks,
but no thanks.

The last lady you
introduced me to
kept talking about

how all the world's
problems could be solved



if everybody practiced
nude skydiving.

Thank you very much.

But Alex, I mean,
really, you're going...

you're going to
like Joyce, believe me.

Bob, no, no, no.

Bob, please, will you?

She's really nice.

Oh, Joyce?

Joyce, I'd like you
to meet my friend

and fellow cab
driver Alex Rieger.

Alex, this
is my friend

and coactor
Joyce Rogers.

Hello.

How do you do?

I believe this is yours.

Oh, I'm sorry. What...?

You realize that, in
some primitive cultures,

that would mean
we're married?

( giggles )

( brays )

Well, you two
don't need me

hanging around,
do you?

What are you
talking about?

Bob, what
are you doing?

Alex, Alex, please, listen.

I got to go. I got to go.

( Joyce cries loudly )

( sobbing )

( keens )

So, uh... tell me,
you cry here often?

Believe it or not,
I'm crying like this

because I just got fired.

Oh. That's one good thing
about being a cab driver:

You never have to worry about
getting fired from a good job.

For eight years,
I played Blanche Bain,

the villain,
on For Better, For Worse.

I was voted the most despised
woman on daytime TV

three years in a row.

Hey, hey, hey. Congratulations.

Suddenly they decide
I'm a little too old

to destroy happy homes.

No kidding?

Hey, listen,
if I ever
have a happy home,

you have a standing
invitation

to come and destroy it
anytime you like.

I'll remember that.

( starts to laugh )

Ah...

( bawls again )

Hey, come on, come on.

Joyce...

Joyce, Joyce.

Look, the way I see it,
you have two choices.

I mean, you can stay here
and feel sorry for yourself

or you can look this thing
square in the eye

and say, "I'm not
going to let this
get me down!

"At least not until
I've had dinner

"with that
swashbuckling
ne'er-do-well

Alex Rieger."

Do you often lose
control like that?

No. I guess
I must have meant it.

Well, in that case,
let's have dinner.

What a great idea.

Come on, let's go.

Wait. What's wrong
with this place?

Mario's? No, you don't
want to eat here.

Why not?

You see those framed
documents on the wall?

Well, those are subpoenas
from the Board of Health.

This is my winter home.

Wow. Where's
your summer home?

I open the windows.

Well, Alex,
it's, uh, very nice.

Yes. I'm kind
of proud of it.

I've decorated it myself.

Really?

Yep.

That's
very interesting.

Oh, you like that?
That's my favorite.

The vase is from
the Ming Dynasty.

The Ming dynasty?

Yeah. The Ming Dynasty.

That's a little shop
down on 17th street.

( laughs )

Oh...

Alex, there's something
I got to tell you.

You're a man!

I just don't think you should
get involved with me.

I'm trouble. I'm a basket case.

And I just happen to be

an extraordinarily
stable human being.

Isn't it fortunate
that we should meet?

One like you
and one like me?

I'm serious.

So am I.

Okay, let's make
an agreement right now.

while we both
have clear heads,

that we're not going
to get involved.

I mean, we're
just two people
out on a nice date.

Oh, right. That sounds
like a lot more fun anyway.

( cackles )

So tell me something
about yourself.

I mean, have you
been married or...?

Oh, yes.

How'd it turn out?

So far, terrific.

( loudly: )
Dear, I have company.

Don't come out
for a while.

She stays in there
all the time.

God, you
make me laugh.

Come here
and kiss me.

Kiss you?

You just made me promise
not to get involved.

We didn't shake on it.

Right, and I had my
fingers crossed all the time.

Oh, this is...

( groans )

It'll never work.

This is crazy.

Crazy? Right.

Who'd want to do
a thing like that?

Lips touching lips!

Yuck! What a terrible thought.

Alex, I'm no good for you.

I mean, you're a terrific guy

and I don't want
to hurt you...

Okay, fine. fine.
So what we'll do is

just have a couple of
glasses of wine, and talk.

That's very wise.

That requires a trip
to the wine cellar.

To the wine cellar.

Well, but Alex...
you do kind of sense

some kind of attraction
between us.

No, only a strong
animal one.

This could be very
dangerous, Mr. Rieger.

I think we have
a definite problem here.

Well, the only problem
that I can see

is that you seem to be
running hot and cold,

and I seem to be running
hot and hotter.

Every time you say
something funny

I want to kiss you.

Oh... I wish you
didn't tell me that.

I'm going to be very
self-conscious now

because, every time
I make a joke,

you're going to think
I'm just doing it

to try to get a...

A priest and a rabbi
walked into a bar...

The priest said,
"So, rabbi,

what will you
be drinking now?"

And the rabbi said,
"So what's it to you?"

Do you mind if we just
jump to the punch line?

Hello, everybody.

ALL:
Hi, Alex.

Hey, Jim,
how are you, Jim?

Louie, how's tricks?

Ooh, somebody's
in good spirits today.

Oh, that's the reason
I caught myself

whistling
while shaving.

You wild,
impetuous fool.

Yeah. And, just before that,
I bumped into a chair

and told the chair
I was sorry.

I guess I'm in trouble

when I start talking
to the furniture, right?

No, you're in trouble
when it goes to the door

and scratches to go out.

Well...

I got to go.

See you later.

So long, Jim.

Hey, Alex,
Does the good mood

have anything
to do with Joyce?

No, Tony.
He's just thrilled

about being
a cab driver.

Oh, I get that way
myself sometimes.

Is it Joyce?

Well, we've been
getting along quite well.

Actually, we've been
getting along very well.

Actually, she's one of the most
interesting women I've ever met.

Hey, that's
great, Alex.

These have been the most
interesting two weeks.

I mean, they've been fantastic!

There's always something
interesting about her.

I mean, you know,
when she's happy,

she's the happiest person
in the world.

And, when she's sad,
she could break your heart.

I mean, she goes full out,
you know?

It's like being on
a roller coaster

and hoping the ride never ends,
if you know what I mean.

( men oohing )

LOUIE:
Latka!

What do you think
you're doing?

Listening
to my friend Alex

talking about
his girlfriend.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

Yes.
He's talking about
his girlfriend?

Well, correct me
if I'm wrong,

but aren't you supposed
to be working?

Oh, but this is
where you are wrong.

I'm supposed to be
on the coffee break.

The coffee break.

Oh, okay, all right.

You just go
right ahead there

and you have yourself
a coffee break.

Okay, I will.

All right, you do
what you like.

If you want
to be un-American,

it's up to you.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What do you mean, "un-American"?

Well, Latka,
do you think that,
when George Washington

was crossing
the Delaware,

he said, "Ooh! We got
to stop the boat.

I got to have
a coffee break"?

No.

Well, do you think
that Abraham Lincoln,

when he was
delivering the
Gettysburg address,

he said to the guys,
"Oh! I got to stop.

I got to have
a coffee break"?

No, I guess not.

All right. You think,
when Ike was figuring out

what day is supposed
to be D-Day,

he said to
the other generals,

"Hey, guys, I got to
have a cup of java"?

Hmm? Hmm?

I'm sorry, Louie.

Please forgive me.

I'm sorry, Louie.
You are right.

Good boy.

No more eat,
no more sleep.

You just get in
those cabs and work.

Yeah, all right.

I'm sorry.

You red pinkie!

Alex, hi!

Joyce!

BOBBY:
Hey, Joyce!

Hey, Bobby,
hi.

Joyce, these
are my friends:

Elaine Nardo,
Tony Banta,

Nice to meet you.

You know Bobby.

( clears throat )

I think there's
somebody else here.

You don't want
to meet him.

Hello, there.

Joyce Rogers, this
is Louie De Palma.

JOYCE:
Hi.

Don't let this
go to your head,

but you could have
your way with me.

You're right.

I didn't want
to meet him.

Yeah. So what's up?
What happened?

Well, I came by because
I got some great news.

I called you at home
but I guess you'd already left.

Yeah, yeah, yeah?
What is it? What is it?

I think I might
have a job.

ALEX:
Oh, Joyce,
is it a part?

It's a lead in a TV series.

The problem is the where.
It's in L.A.

And I'd have
to move out there.

Ah. Uh-huh. I see.

Well, it's
a real big decision.

What do you think
I should do?

I don't know.

What do you think
you should do?

Well, I'd prefer
to stay in New York,

but I guess
I don't have any choice.

Hmm.

Well, I got to go pick up
a script at my agent's.

We'll talk about it
later, okay?

Yeah, sure.

Bye.

Nice to meet you.

Bye, Joyce.

Bye, Joyce.

Well...

that's that.

Tough break,
Alex.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I should have
told you this before,

but she's a little flaky,
you know?

ELAINE:
You know, Alex,

I know it hurts

but, um,
in all honesty,

I don't think
you two

were right
for each other.

Yeah, she wasn't
that great anyway, Alex.

Just forget
about her, Alex.

I got a better idea.

I'm going to ask
her to marry me.

Great idea.
What a pro.
Perfect.

Aw...

It's never
going to work.

Hello!

Hi.

Wow. The place
looks great!

Yeah.

What's the occasion?

It's Thursday night.

Ah.

Yeah, Thursdays
have always held

a special magic for me.

Oh, all this is for
my new job, right, Alex?

Oh. So I guess you've decided
to take the job, huh?

I guess so.

I didn't want to make
my final decision

till I talked it
over with you.

Mmm. That's
very good to hear.

Alex, you look
great in a suit.

Well, it's Thursday.

This is
my Thursday suit.

Wouldn't be Thursday
without this suit.

What's all this about?

Thursday.

Joyce?

Hmm?

Uh, we've known each
other for two weeks now

and, uh, I know it's
not a very long time

but, I think,
in those two weeks,

I've gotten to
know you better

than I've known
some people forever.

I've seen all
of your moods.

I love them all.

Joyce, you've brought
life into my life.

You're a little crazy,

but I can live
with that.

In fact, I'd love to.

Oh, God, Alex, you're
not proposing, are you?

Please tell me
you're not proposing.

Proposing?

My heavens, no.

I'm running for governor,

and this is my way
of asking you for your vote.

I hope I don't have
this much trouble

with everybody
in the campaign.

Alex, I thought
we'd gone over all this

the first night.

Oh, yes, Joyce,
you're right.

I don't know what
came over me just now.

It was just
a whim, really.

A whim? You can't tell me
this is a whim.

You've got candles
and flowers and a bell.

A bell?

No, don't! Just
forget that bell.

Alex, believe me,
I would make a terrible wife.

Yes, yes, I know.
We've been all over that.

And I-I-I...I don't
know why I proposed.

I mean, just forget
the proposal, you know?

Maybe it was just
the best two weeks
of my life

that clouded my
thinking there
for a moment.

I was thinking that
we had something
special, that's all.

We have.

No, I mean something
long-lasting.

It's been two weeks.

That long?

Oh, my God.
You're right.

I'm tired of you.

No, I withdraw
the proposal.

Can I pour you
some champagne

before I chug it
all myself?

Alex, what I think
we should do...

What I think
we should do

is just go our
separate ways, right?

Alex, listen to me.

No. There's nothing
more to talk about.

Will you listen to me?
I heard all you have...

Damn it! Will you
listen to me?!

Okay, I will listen,
but you better be quick,

because you're not the only girl
I'm proposing to tonight.

How can you be so glib?

I mean, you're
treating this

like it
means nothing.

All right.

Okay, you're the actress.

Tell me how I'm supposed
to do rejection, please.

Oh...

Okay, Alex...

Okay.

Oh, Alex, what possible reason

could you have
to want to marry me?

I have the audacity to believe
that I'm good for you.

Oh. Oh, right,
I forgot.

You're the stable one.
Forgot about that.

Slipped right out
of my mind.

Well, the fact of
the matter is, Joyce,

I happen to be a
fairly down-to-earth,
rational kind of guy.

Yes. We've known
each other two weeks,

and you want
to get married,

and you're
down-to-earth.

Please don't take
this the wrong way,

but I think you're
crazier than I am.

I mean, we barely
know each other

and you're hearing
wedding bells!

I told you,
not the bell!

( playing "As Time Goes By" )

( jabbering )

They're here
to, uh...

They came to pick
up my violins.

Thanks.
Thanks, fellas.

Do they have to go back
to the shop?

Oh, that's terrible.

I guess they need
a couple of tubes, that's all.

Thank you very much.

No, no, I don't
want a loaner.

No, I don't
need a loaner.

Be better to do without
the violins for a week.

Thanks, guys.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Well, where was I?

Oh, yes, I was telling you

what a rational, down-to-earth
kind of human being I was.

( Alex giggles )

Oh, Alex...

I'm sorry.

I really am so sorry.

You're sorry?

( laughs weakly )

Oh, what the hell.

We're fighting because
we care too much,

and we're breaking up

because we don't
care enough.

When do you have
to go to L.A.?

Three days.

How long will it
take you to pack?

A day.

That means we have
two whole days

to say good-bye.

Starting now.

Would you follow me?

( loud pop )

What was that?

What?

It came from
inside that door.

No, I didn't
hear anything.

Alex...

No. There's nothing
in there.

Open that door.

You don't want...

Open that door.

( whimpers )

Now.

Well, if you insist.

( cries out )

Will you marry me?

No!

Just checking!

( Joyce squeals )

You okay?

Hmm?

Yeah, of course. Why?

I just thought

maybe you'd want
to talk about it.

Talk about what?

The fact that Joyce left today.

Oh, was it today?

My, how time flies.

BOBBY:
Oh...

poor Alex.

I know He shouldn't keep it
all bottled up like that.

I tried to talk
to him, too,

but he just clammed up
on me. Poor Alex.

Let me give it a try.

You?

I am a man of the cloth.

What do you mean?

That "Church of
the Peaceful" stuff?

Hey, hey.
Just because the draft ended

doesn't mean I can't
save a soul now and then.

Hey, Jim,
are you sure

you can handle this
by yourself?

Why don't you take
Bobby with you?

Okay.

Come on, Bobby.

Give me
a hand.

Sure.
What's up?

We got to
help Alex.

Hi, Alex.

Hi, Jim.

Hi, Alex.

Hi, Latka.

Alex... we have
to talk to you.

Oh?

Wait a minute,
Jim.

I think,
if this is personal,

I think we should
talk alone.

No, no, I want
Alex to hear.

I mean the three
of us alone.

Come on, Alex, let's go
into the tool room. Come on.

Tool room?

Yeah.

Okay.

Sit down and, uh...

listen to me.

( clears throat )

Every time you get knocked down,

you got to get
right back up again.

That's right.

Now, don't ask me why.

That's the way it is.

You got to
forget yesterday

and forget tomorrow.

There's only today,
and you got to get

everything out of it
that you can.

He know what
he's talking about.

Life is like...

an ice cream cone.

You got to eat it
when you get it.

That's right.

Got to eat it fast.

Because, if you don't,

it's going to melt all over
your hand and down your arm.

That's no good.

JIM:
Do you want to
go through life

licking your arm?

Uh...

No.

I know I don't.

LATKA:
Me, too.

So live, live, live!

And never let
an empty moment go by.

That's right.
Hallelujah.

You are right, Jim.

You are right.

I am going
to live very good,

and then I'm going
to report back to you.

I'm going to...
to be good,

and live my life
the most I can,

and I'll always
eat my ice cream,

and all
my problems

are solved.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

You should
listen to him.

He knows what
he talking about.

Thank you very much.

I knew I could help him.

Yes, that was very nice

what you did for him, Jim.
Very nice.

Well... Bobby's
had it pretty rough.

Trying to make it
as a boxer,

and raise
the two kids...

By the way,
how are you doing?

Oh, fine, fine, Jim.

In fact, I'm doing better
by the minute, I'm sure.

Things going okay
at the gallery?

Couldn't be better, Jim.

Okeydoke.

( chortling )

WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.

( Walters mutters )