Taxi (1978–1983): Season 1, Episode 2 - One-Punch Banta - full transcript

( theme music playing )

Okay, Luche, you got 212.

Perleman, you got cab 814.

Susman, you got

Nine fifty-one.

And Zelinko, you got
cab 636, and wash it!

Come on. Come on.

Let's get this
garage moving here.

Latka.

It hurts me to see
you not working.

It makes me want to press
a nerve in your neck.



( speaking native language )

Says you.

Did you fix this cab?

( speaking native language )

It's all fixed?

Let me take a look here.

I don't need that.

Everything works?

( speaking native language )

Whistle-clean?

( weak whistle )

So there's nothing more to do.

Ooh!

Now you can
put that back.



And you know why
I did that, Latka?

Because you are
a terrible person.

Yes.

I'm telling you, Tony.

I booked $120.

Never.

Hey, man.
It's the truth.

Now, I was really hot
tonight, and I booked $110.

Now, what can I tell you?

The truth.

You know, I can't
believe it.

I just can't believe
the man's standing here

telling me to my face
that I can't book $100.

I mean, I just
can't believe it.

Oh, man, you always lie
about your bookings.

On whose life?

On whose life
should I swear

that I booked $90, huh?

On whose life?

Hey, Bob,
what'd you book?

Eighty.

LOUIE:
Hey, Rieger!

Haul your sweaty carcass
over here this second.

Did you detect mellowing?

( gravely voice ):
All right, Louie.

I'm coming.

Hey, John, how you doing?

Well, I'm trying
to figure this out...

Look... I'm going
to have to let

your buddy John go.

I thought I'd tell you first,
'cause he's

your boy.

You brought him in,

so I'm giving you the choice.

I can leave a note
in his pay envelope

saying "You're through, loser."

That's the nice way.

Or I could simply...

Look, Louie, Louie.

All I ask is give him
some time.

He'll get his bookings up.

No way.

Come on, Louie. Be fair.

And start a precedent?

All right, look.

You lose him,
you lose me.

Got it?

Whoo! A threat.

I heard a threat.

And I'm your best booker.

Ooh, a threat
with an explanation.

Louie...

he goes, I go.

A threat that worked.

Banta, I got
a phone message for you.

Yeah? What was it?

You know the rules.

Give me a buck.

( mumbling )

Here's a dollar.

Your gym called.

Oh! What'd they say?

That information

will cost you another buck.

Here's another buck.

They didn't say nothing.

Well, if they're
so unhappy with me,

why haven't they
let me go?

John, that possibility
has not been overlooked.

Gee, I didn't know
it was that serious.

Alex, if I lose this job, I'll
have to drop out of school...

All right, come on, come on,
just relax.

Look, you're not that far
from making it.

All you need is a little
street savvy--

I mean, something that only
experience can teach you.

All right, now look, the first
thing you got to know...

Hey, you guys talking dirty?

No.

Oh.

Alex is just teaching
me some taxi tricks

he's learned
over the years.

Yeah, this might be good
for you, too.

Come on, sit down.
Sure.

Now don't feel bad if
you don't know this stuff.

This is ten years
talking to you now.

Okay, now, first,
your airports.

The best day to go to
the airport is Sunday,

because the traffic is light,
and the wait is short.

There are also times

you shouldn't go
to the airport.

Now, not many people
know this...

Hey, hey, hey...
you want a great tip?

Here it is.

Never pick up a cripple.

Louie! That is the rottenest
thing I ever heard.

You know, I'm not even going
to bother to tell you why,

but first of all,
you don't call them "cripples."

You call them
"handicapped persons."

You're right.
I'm embarrassed.

ELAINE:
Okay.

Okay, John,
forget what I said.

The people you should
never pick up

are handicapped persons.

The reason is,
in the time it takes you

to help one of them
in and out of your cab,

you could pick up
maybe ten guys

who could get in and out
all by themselves.

So, no handicapped persons.

Cabs are only for people
who can walk.

You have to forgive Louie.

He's himself today.

Hey, great news!
I just called the gym.

They want me to spar
with Carlos Navarone.

The champ?

Oh, wow!

Imagine, the champ
hitting my face.

Wow, hey, this is real.

I've never seen anything
like this before.

* Down in the valley

* Where the green
grass grows *

* There sat Elaine,
pretty as a... *

Hey, it was just
a joke, you know.

I was just being silly.

Hey, come on.

Haven't you ever
felt like being silly?

Well, good luck
on your career.

( conversing quietly )

I don't know,
I still think

we went a little bit
overboard with the present.

I mean, uh, what's
the big deal here?

It's a big deal to Tony.
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I guess.
I...

Well, at least it was smart
getting him a robe, huh?

He can wear it
when he's fighting

and when he's convalescing.

Hey, here's our man now.
Hey, Tony!
Tony!

Tony!

Hey, Tony!

Gee, it's great
to see you guys.

Uh, listen, Tony,
we got you something

to commemorate
the occasion.

It's from everybody
down at the garage

except for, uh,
Louie, Vince, Charlie, and Ed.

They refused to cough up.

( giggling )

Aw, man.

My name, too!

Oh, it's okay.

You know, I was going to
put, like, "Killer Banta,"

"Tiger Banta..."

No, no, I found it's best
not to wear a robe

that makes
your opponent crazy.

Well, come on, try it on.

Yeah. I'll help you.

Ooh, ooh.

Ooh, turn around.

Beautiful!

Beautiful.

Oh, man.

BOBBY:
Feels good, huh?

You know, I never had a
robe before, of my own.

I'd go in with just a towel
wrapped around my neck.

Once, the announcer said:

"In this corner, Holiday Inn."

I guess what I'm trying
to say is thanks.

Aw, well.

Mr. Banta.

Here. Oh...

Jerry Martin.

Oh, sure, I read about you
in the papers, Mr. Martin.

Hey, this is the
champ's manager and
these are my friends.

Elaine Nardo.
Hi, How do you do?

Jerry Martin.

And Alex Rieger.

Hi.

Jerry Martin.

And Bobby Wheeler.

Jerry Martin.

Hi. How you doing, man?

Look, what's your name, son?

Anthony Mark Banta.

I see.

And, uh, what do
your friends call you, son?

Tony.

What would you like me
to call you, son?

I like "son."

Well, you'll be going next

and today, we're using
the 16-ounce glove.

Let me help you
with those.

You'll be going
three rounds with Carlos

and I'd like you to concentrate,
if you will, on the body.

We're trying to toughen
the midsection.

That's fine, but I think I
better warn you.

I've got a pretty good
left hand.

Do you?

Well, you know, I just didn't
want to surprise him with it.

I'm going to let him know.

I still can't believe it.

Me in the same ring
with Carlos Navarone.

His last fight,

I couldn't get
in the same stadium.

Hey, what about
your headgear?

Hey, man, I'm a pro.

I've fought dozens
of times.

You know, what do
I need to, uh...

We all wear them.

JERRY:
Son!

Son!

He's calling you
over there.

Son!
Oh, yeah, Jerry.

Okay, see you.

Yeah. Go ahead, Tony.

Have a good time, huh?

Now listen, I want to see you
really work on the inside.

Keep banging away
at that midsection.

Remember, we got less
than a week,

so let's really pull
out the stops.

( bell rings )

Hey, Alex, could you
help me with this robe?

Oh, yeah.

Go!

No.

Not yet.

ELAINE:
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Try it
from the gloves.

Try it from... right...
Let me do it!

I told you to get
big sleeves.

All the ones
with big sleeves

had Japanese paintings
on them.

Excuse me, can I try something?

( fabric ripping )

Oh...

This is humiliating.

JERRY:
Okay, get going.

Okay.

( bell rings )

ELAINE:
Come on, Tony.

You look good.

ALEX:
Hit another left.

Come on, Tony!
All right!

Come on, baby.
Come on, baby.
Come on, Tony.

( whooping )

ALEX:
Come on!

Inside! Inside!

Inside! Inside!

No, oh-oh!

( whooping )

He looks pretty
good in there, huh?

Yeah! Almost
not embarrassing.

Hey, you know,
I bet you it's like

who you're in there with,
you know?

I mean, like, like, when I act
with a real pro, I get better.

Yeah, it's the same

with tennis.

When I play with an "A" player,
I get better.

Yeah, it's the same
with sex.

You get better?

They do.

All right, son.

Go for the body.
The body.

ALEX:
Did you see that?

He knocked him down!

Champ, I'm sorry
I hit you so hard.

It's all right, kid.
Forget it.

( whooping )

( singing in native language )

( singing continues )

Latka!

Cheer down.

Louie...

Louie...

What?

Got tell you something.

What?

I in love.

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Louie! Louie!

What?

Meet girl...

then we go out...

then...

Wait.

Dining...

Eh... dancing

Then go my place

then...

Wait.

Word not here.

I get the picture.

And that's not love.

That's lust.

No love?

No love.

Better.

I'm teaching you good.

Always remember,
lust is better than love.

Okay. Thank you very much.

Okay.

Hey, Latka, how's it going?

I in lust.

What else is new?

( clearing throat )

Ooh, Nardo!

You had a good night.

I had you pegged for a washout.

So sorry to disappoint you.

I don't know what's going on.

Women cabbies booking a lot.

A bum fighter gets a fight
with a major contender

just because he gets
in one lucky punch.

The world's gone crazy.

I think it's the spray cans.

Here he is,
ladies and gentlemen:

pound for pound,
the greatest fighter

I know personally--

Tony "One Punch" Banta!

( all cheering )

( all singing Rocky theme )

All right,
All right.

No dancing in the garage.

Hey, how you feel, Tony?

Oh, I feel great.

Man, this is the biggest
week of my life.

( whooping )

You know what
I'm going to do?

What?
Buy a new cup.

You sure know
how to celebrate.

Hey, Tony, this
Frankie Wallace--

I hear he's pretty good.

You know how good he is?
I looked up his record.

And?

He's so good
you can look up his record.

You know, Ring Magazine's
got him eighth in the world.

I'm not even eighth in the gym.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
who got the big fight?

Me.

Who's getting
paid 1,500 bucks?

Me.

Who floored the champ?

Me.
Well?

I got a shot.

( all cheering )

Baloney.

Once a bum,
always a bum.

Oh, yeah? Yeah?

I say Tony's got a good chance.

I know he's got a good chance.
I say he can win.

Want to bet?

Well, uh...

( laughing )

( laughing )

All right, I'll bet.

How much?

Five dollars.

Whoo, Mr. Big Booker bets
five whole dollars

on his friend who
he's sure is going to win.

All right, all right,
a hundred bucks.

Money in the bank.

I hope you're going
to be at the fight, Louie.

I'd like to collect
on the spot.

You're going to give up
a Friday night--

the busiest night of the week--

to go watch
the macaroni pony fight?

Yeah, and you know what?

Everybody from the garage
is going to be there.

You think for friendship
they're going to do that?

Not where the old
pocketbook's involved.

Tomorrow night, I'll be
up to my ears in drivers

as per usual.

All right, Belson,
I know you're hiding.

Come on out, Cohen.

Let's hit the streets.

All right, Beniquez,
in the cab.

Let's go.

Nobody.

I was sure someone would show.

Latka!

Is anybody here?

Is anybody here?

Nobody's here.

Nobody's here.

* From this moment on

* You and I, babe

* We'll be riding high, babe

* Every care is gone

Come on, take it home now!

* From this...

Hip, hip, hip!

* Moment on.

Yeah!

Always wanted to do that.

You know, Alex, I still
can't believe I'm here.

Ever since I'm 14,
not a day goes by

I don't spend three hours
in the gym.

Yeah?

I thought I'd win
the Golden Gloves.

Yeah?
I didn't.

I thought I'd win the Olympics.

I didn't.

I didn't even see the Olympics.
My set blew out.

You ever try to listen
to the Olympics on the radio?

Ah, but it doesn't matter.

It's all okay,
'cause it got me here today.

Hey, how did it happen?

I guess it's destiny, huh?

Well, personally,
I think it's my management.

Boy, this is a bigger fight
than I thought.

The Bee Gees are singing
the National Anthem.

No kidding?

Oh, you son of a gun.

Isn't he something?
You win this fight,

you're never going to have
to drive a cab again.

You're gonna be the first one
to make it out of the garage.

Aw, I can't be
the first one.

Paulie made it.

I'm not sure that shingling
houses with your father-in-law

counts for making it.

Get ready, Banta.

There's a guy in there
bleeding like a pig.

I think they're
going to stop it.

You know, I like
the theater better.

They just say
"five minutes."

Hey, uh... good luck.

Thanks, Bob.

It's okay, Tone.

Hey, Champ, you came.

Yeah, I just wanted
to wish you good luck.

Oh, thanks.
Hey, Mr. Martin, how are you?

How you doing?

CARLOS:
I see you still got
that great robe.

Oh, yeah.

Those are nice vents
you got there.

Hey, hey, and don't
worry about your title.

I won't be ready for
a couple years yet,

but when I am,
look out.

Right, and, uh,
hey, listen, thanks.

For what?

You know, that little
trick in the gym.

What do you mean?

Hey, didn't he know?

I guess it's okay
to tell him now.

It's real simple, kid.

We were taking in less
money than we should

because Carlos is
considered unbeatable.

So having him sit down
when you punched him

during the sparring match
helped us out.

Hey, run that by me again.

You didn't knock
down the champ.

I don't believe you.
I hit you good.

You're just trying
to cover up

with some crummy story

'cause you don't like
being knocked down

by somebody with no record.

Yeah, I think
we made a mistake.

I don't believe it!
I hit you good!

With what?

A left hook to the body.

I'll show you.
Hit me.

If I hit you, you'll go down
like you did in the gym.

Come on, hit me.

You keep it up,
and I will.

You're sure
you don't mind?

( grunting )

Man, what a dirty trick,
building me up like that.

Man, I'm going to teach
this guy a lesson.

You only get one for free.

No, Tony, Tony, Tony.

Now, Mr. Navarone,

you have no idea how
frightened I am right now.

Hey, Tony,
I can't even hold him.

Look, now, why don't you
just laugh this off, huh?

Let him go!

I'll let him go.
Go ahead.

You crazy, Tony?
Yeah!

Okay, Banta,
your turn to fight.

What's wrong with him?

Hey, don't you
know enough

not to interrupt
a man at prayer?

Hey, you all right?

Hey, would you give me
a hand with him?

Sure.

You think you'll be able
to go ahead with the fight?

I think I'll be all right
if I could just

stay away from him for
the first couple of rounds.

Yeah.

Hey, but don't
say anything.

Oh, no, I won't.

Hey, who are you,
anyway?

Your opponent.

Nice to meet you.

What's your name?

Tony Banta.

How many fingers
am I holding up?

Stick to the easy ones.

I came late.

What happened?

I lost.

I know.

I saw every minute.

Here's your
100 bucks, Louie.

Ah, come on,
are you kidding?

I was rooting
for him myself.

Come on, I lost,
I want to pay up.

Come on, are you kidding?

We're from the same garage.

This is the last
time I'm going to offer you.

Gimme.

Well, maybe I won't be
the first guy

to make it out of the garage...

but I'm going to make it.

I'm going to get
a rematch with this guy

and I'm going to be
right back here fighting.

And I'm going to be
right back here managing you.

And I'm going to be here
rooting for you.

And I'm going to be here.

And I'm going to be here.

And I'm going to be here--
making a fortune.

( theme music playing )

WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.

( grunts )