Taxi (1978–1983): Season 1, Episode 1 - Like Father, Like Daughter - full transcript
In this very first episode we get to know Alex, Bobby, Tony, Latka, Elaine and Louie. While Bobby and Tony make calls for free to places all around the world, Alex tells everyone that he has a daughter he once abandoned and hasn't seen for 15 years. The guys convince him to call his daughter and he finally does. Elaine starts her part-time job as a cab driver and gets to know the boys. Latka tries to improve his English, with the help of Alex. John, initially being a costumer of Alex, becomes part of the cab company as a driver.
MAN:
Hey, Belson,
you got cab 2452!
Tony, get out
of cab 2452.
We need it.
Harry! 8622-- Wash it!
It's filthy!
Hey, Tony, you get creamed
in your fight last night?
What's it like
having a cauliflower back?
I didn't get creamed.
I lost on the decision.
I'm impressed.
The referee decided
I was bleeding too much.
Hey, Alex,
want to go for breakfast?
No, I can't.
Hey, Alex.
Hi, Alex.
Hi. Hi, guys.
I'm sorry I didn't have
anything smaller than a $50
but I only had $150
in the bank
and I took it all out
to come to New York,
and they gave me
three 50s...
Yeah.
and so, you see...
Look, I'm sorry I had
to bring you back here
just to get change.
Oh, are you kidding?
This is the New York
kind of thing
I've always dreamed of.
Maybe you want to buy
one of our postcards.
Anybody here got
change for a $50?
Yeah, I got it.
Hey, had a good night,
huh, Alex?
Very funny.
Here you go.
Now, how much
was that again?
$4.85.
There's five, and, uh...
This going to take
much longer?
I'm sorry.
I want to give you a tip.
It's just difficult
to figure out
what 15% of $4.85 is when
somebody's looking at you.
CABBIES:
73 cents!
No, no pennies, thanks.
No pennies.
Uh, may I use the phone?
I have to find
someplace to stay.
Yeah, right there.
Oh.
Uh, do you have...?
Huh? Yeah.
Thank you.
Hey, Alex.
Yeah.
They called me back
for Equus.
Oh, you see?
I told you.
Hey, what's Equus?
Hey, don't give me
a look like that.
I could ask a question.
A lot of people
don't know about that.
It's... a play.
It's a play about a psychiatrist
and a boy who worships horses.
So, before I go in there,
I say straight to them:
"Gentlemen, you're looking at
the man you're gonna hire."
So that gets their interest
up real quick, right?
Oh, yeah. Right, right.
Hey, what part
are you trying for?
Listen, soon as I
finish over there,
I'll come over here
and I'll tell you
everything, okay?
Until then, have
a piece of gum.
Oh, thanks.
Why didn't you tell
him what part?
Because, Alex,
he won't understand.
Try him.
But, Alex, he won't...
Go ahead, try him.
Take a chance.
Okay.
I'm up for
the part of the horse.
Yeah? Which end?
Gee, this phone is terrific.
Yeah? We hoped you'd like it.
No, no, I mean,
this plate's broken, see?
You just put your money in,
and it comes right back.
You can call anywhere
for free. Look.
Okay, behind me.
That's right,
calm yourselves.
I got here first.
Hey, Alex, don't you
want to make a call?
No, I don't have
anybody to call.
There's got to be
somebody somewhere
you want to call.
No, well, no,
not now.
Hello?
Is this the National Theater
of London, England?
Yeah. I'd like to speak
to Sir Laurence Olivier, please.
Yeah, it's Bobby Wheeler
from New York City calling.
No, it's not personal.
I'm an actor, too.
This... is the National Theater
of London.
That is a good call.
Hello?
I can't believe it.
I... I didn't think
I could get you on the phone.
Oh, wow.
Laurence Olivier's secretary.
Listen, uh...
Do you think that I
could talk to him, please?
Oh. Well, uh...
what's he doing?
Oh, wow.
No kidding?
Taking a curtain call?
Well, don't bother him.
Just... just tell him
that a guy...
no... that an actor...
named Bobby Wheeler
just called to say... that...
Yeah. Hey, hey,
thanks for listening.
That is
a great phone, man.
Hey, Alex, you want
to take my turn?
Uh, no, thanks, Tony.
You go ahead.
Well, if you're sure,
I think I'll make
a little one myself.
Operator. Yeah, I'd like
to call Bangkok, Thailand.
Yeah, when I was in Vietnam,
I went R&R in Bangkok.
Met a girl
I just can't get out of my mind.
Just crazy about her.
Classiest lady I ever met.
Yes, operator, I want
the VIP Massage Parlor.
Okay, I'll deposit the money.
( coins clattering )
Excuse me?
Uh, my name's
Elaine Nardo.
They told me
to ask for Louie.
Yes, ma'am.
I'm Louie De Palma.
Oh, hi.
I hope there's no trouble.
If there is,
I'll be glad to help
in any way I can.
Oh, no, no. It's just
that they told me
I'd be starting work today
as a driver.
Here's my hack license.
You're a cab driver?
What do you mean
busting my chops here
making believe
you're a regular person?
Go wait over there.
I'll call your
name and number.
Till then, keep
your mouth shut!
What's wrong?
Don't they feed you in there?
Whoo!
Whoo-whoo!
Hey, witty person.
Fill out this form--
and I hope you fill it out
better than you fill out
your pants.
See, we're all fun here.
Now, you mustn't be too upset
with Louie, miss.
He's really a very nice guy.
He'd give you
the scales off his back.
Well, I don't have to worry
about him.
I'm only going
to be working here part-time.
Oh.
I have
this other job...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I know.
We're all part-time here.
I'm part-time.
I only work
60 hours a week.
No, really--
I really work
as a receptionist
at an art gallery.
Oh, yeah?
No, I'm not really
a taxi driver.
No, no, I understand.
You see that guy over there?
Now, he's an actor.
The guy on the phone,
he's a prizefighter.
This lady over here,
she's a beautician.
The man behind her,
he's a writer.
Me, I'm a cab driver.
I'm the only cab driver
in this place.
Why is everyone here
just a little angry?
Hey, it's ringing.
Excuse me, miss.
You're a very
interesting person,
but I'm not sure
you're as interesting
as a massage parlor in Bangkok.
Well, don't be too sure
till you know me better.
Oh...
No, no, I'm kidding.
I'm not serious.
I'm all talk, really.
Please. I'm all talk.
Oh, well...
back to the massage parlor.
Hello, this is PFC
Tony Banta.
I'm calling from the USA.
I'd like to speak to...
Number 12.
She's not, huh?
Hey, is there any way
I could reach her?
Oh. Well, so long.
Since the war's over,
they only go up to nine.
Hey, was that
a crazy call I made?
I mean, do you think number 12
ever thinks of me?
How many times
you ever see her?
Ten or 20 times.
How long were you
in Bangkok?
A day.
Yeah, I think
she remembers you.
Hey... hey, Alex,
this is fun.
Why don't you
make a call?
No...
Come on.
Actually, I was thinking
there for a second
about calling my, uh, my kid.
Hey, I didn't know
you had a kid!
Oh, well...
Wow! A boy or a girl?
Girl.
Hey, Alex, how come
you never brought her...?
'Cause I haven't
seen her in 15 years.
15 years?!
Yeah, 15 years.
My ex-husband was right.
He's not the worst there is.
Oh, so you made up your mind
about me already, huh?
I'm a heel.
I abandoned my daughter
and now you're going
to shun me, huh?
Well, let's put it this way:
I'd rather be
on a desert island with him.
Don't you wish.
Now, wait a minute...
Now, wait a minute.
Listen,
Miss, uh, Elaine Nardo,
you know, things aren't always
as pat as they seem.
Divorced mothers
taking care of their children
against incredible odds,
while the men are free
to stay out all night,
join a gym,
and take advantage
of girls named Debbie.
Now, look-- my wife,
for example.
She married this gentleman
from South America.
Moved there with the kid,
and told me that if
I really loved my daughter,
I wouldn't contact her
because it would cause
too much confusion.
She told me
that if I really wanted
to be a good father,
I would allow this gentleman...
from South America...
to adopt her.
Show you what a...
how smart I was, I bought it.
I'm sorry about
what I said before.
You're not a heel.
You're a jerk.
I accept your apology.
A giant jerk.
Listen, no matter what
you agreed to before,
it shouldn't stop you from
picking up that phone right now
and calling
your daughter.
Leave the man alone.
If he doesn't give a damn
about his kid
that's his business.
Hey, now, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
All right, I'll call her!
I'll call her tomorrow
when the line
isn't so long.
You are going to feel
so much better,
I promise you.
I feel like we're getting
married at Annapolis.
Yes, operator, Rio De Janeiro.
Yes, I can hold.
I have no idea what I'm going
to say to this kid.
LOUIE:
Latka! Where
you going?!
Latka, I don't want you
hanging around the drivers.
I need you on
the third level
to fix the cabs.
( speaking native language )
That's telling him,
Latka.
Latka, no, this is
a very important phone call.
It's a very bad time for
English lessons right now.
Please.
All right, all right.
While I'm waiting.
What is it?
Eh... Lesson 12.
Mm.
( haltingly: )
Thank you, chambermaid,
for your
excellent service.
I am glad I don't require
medical assistance.
Yeah, listen,
that, uh, that's...
that's very good,
that's very good
but those phrases all have
"chambermaid" every other word.
Why don't you take a look
at the phrases I wrote
in the back of the book?
Here, look:
"Get off my back."
"Give me a minute
while I go to the can."
Study those.
Yes, operator, I'm here.
"Get off my back."
Uh, Latka... later.
Yes, uh, is Mrs., um--
Oh, what the hell's
her name now--
Consuelos there?
Consuelos?
Phyllis Bornstein Consuelos?
Yes, thank you.
( speaking native language )
Yeah, sure.
Bed?
No bed.
No bed?
Thank you very much.
Hello. Hello, Phyllis.
Hello, Phyllis.
Uh...
I'm not sure
I know what to say to you.
Oh, yeah, that would be
a good place to start.
Alex Rieger.
Yeah.
Uh... good.
Uh, listen, Phyllis, I was just
thinking about Kathy, uh...
Can I speak to her?
Oh.
When did she leave?
Why Portugal?
Well, that's no answer.
Why is she going to college
in Portugal?
What's her major, sardines?
Hey, wait a minute!
That means she'll be coming
through New York.
Oh, Miami?
Well, listen, uh...
if you speak to her,
tell her I'm...
sorry I missed her.
Wait a minute.
What time
will she get into Miami?
If I want to meet her in Miami,
I'll meet her in Miami.
Well, what time tomorrow?
Okay.
Well, I don't know.
I'll think about it.
I might!
Okay, what?
Flight 936.
Thank you.
Phyllis, just hold on a second.
Phyllis, did you ever
sort of think about us and...
me neither.
Yeah, okay, right.
So long. Good-bye.
Louie?
Yeah?
I need a cab for the weekend.
I'm going to Miami.
No!
Aw, come on, Louie.
I'm very tight on time.
I got to leave now.
No!
Let's take it.
Hold everything!
Okay, I got to get
tough with you guys.
We don't let cabs
out no more.
Oh, come on, Louie,
it's very important.
What about 1621?
Nobody wants 1621!
No!
Hey, hey, hey,
can I go along?
Yeah, sure.
I don't have anything
else to do.
I'll have it back for you
by the end of the weekend.
Alex, I run this garage,
and no one takes my
cabs for joyrides.
All right.
Come on, let's take it.
Give me a minute
while I go to the can.
( grunts )
Thank you very much.
ALEX:
Wouldn't it be weird,
after all this trouble,
if we got there too late?
TONY:
Don't worry about it.
We'll make it.
I once had to be in Miami
in a hurry for a fight.
I drove it in 23 hours
all by myself.
Wow, what a drive.
I swallowed
a whole handful of uppers.
You know, when
the guy knocked me out,
I couldn't close my eyes.
Could I have your ticket
and passport please?
No, no.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm looking for someone.
She's supposed to be leaving
from this gate--
Kathy Consuelos.
She's here.
Oh, my God!
Would you like me
to page her for you?
No, no, no.
If there's anything to genetics
I should be able
to figure out
which one she is.
JOHN:
Well, Alex, good luck.
Okay. Wait over there.
Don't worry,
we're not going to leave you.
WOMAN ( over P.A. ):
National Airlines flight 409
to San Francisco
now departing from gate 28.
Hmm?
Kathy Consuelos?
Yes?
Son of a...
I beg your pardon?
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
I, uh...
I'm...
I'm sort of your father.
You're Mr. Rieger?
Yes, right.
Rieger. Right. Yes.
( excited gasp )
Well...
Well...
I've been wondering about you.
Yeah, same here.
There's...
so much time to cover.
( stammering )
15 years...
( over P.A. ):
Iberia flight 936 for Lisbon,
now boarding
and will depart in five minutes.
That gives us less
than 30 seconds for each year.
We may have to skip the '60s.
Listen, would you
like to sit down?
Please.
You know, I was always wondering
what you looked like.
Well, I'm much
better-looking than this.
You are very pretty.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, we're getting
along great.
How did you know
I was gonna be here?
Oh, fathers know
these things.
Do you know
anything about me?
I mean, uh... what
have you heard?
Just that you're living
up on a ranch in Montana
and you're thinking of running
for United States Senate.
Oh...
Well, I got
some bad news for you.
I lost the senate race.
No, I think
your mother
is trying to make me
into much more
of an exciting guy
than I am,
but the real story
is almost as good.
I'm a New York cab driver.
Well, why wouldn't she want
to tell me about that?
Well, I guess she didn't want
to impress you.
You know, there's so much
I want to ask you
and I'm very aware of
our time limit here.
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly
what I was thinking.
Well, like father,
like daughter.
Hey, what's wrong?
You really want to know?
Yeah, sure, Kath.
What is it?
You're not going to like it.
Okay. Go ahead.
Well, it's just that
you keep on saying "father."
You're not my father.
Well, I am sorry.
You're not my father.
My father is a man
that has raised me
for as long as I can remember.
Hey, come on.
That's not exactly true.
Sure, it is.
Exactly true.
Wait a minute.
I... I... I raised you
for two years.
I mean that's not long
but at least I got two years.
You must remember
some of that time.
You mean you remember
something from 15 years ago?
Yes, of course.
Like what?
Well, um... like the fact
that when you were born,
the doctor had to turn you
so you could get out
the right way.
Life started right there.
Like the fact that you
used to look annoyed at me
when I gave you
a 2:00 a.m. feeding
and I couldn't figure out
why it was you who was annoyed.
You hardly crawled.
You went right to walking.
You used to sneeze like a cat.
( high-pitched sneezing )
I even remember your favorite
food: strained peas.
Yeah, you used to send it back
if you got chopped peas.
I remember your favorite joke:
Got your nose.
Which is no longer
your favorite joke.
Listen, Kathy...
you can rap me for a lot:
copping out...
telling myself that I was
letting you out of my life
for your good,
when the truth is
I was looking for the
easy way out myself.
So, please, don't tell me
that I don't remember
the experience
of having a daughter
for two years.
I mean, please, don't tell me
that, because I really do.
( voice breaking ):
I remember.
( over P.A. ):
Iberia flight 936 for Lisbon
final boarding at gate 10.
Hey, listen, uh...
when you wear your bag
over your shoulder
always wear it
with the clasp on the inside.
It's safer that way.
All right.
And don't trust guys
who wear scarves over here.
Don't trust guys
who go too far down
with the buttons
on their shirt.
And don't trust guys
who wear too much
religious stuff
around their neck.
I mean, uh,
don't trust guys.
Hey, uh...
Hey, listen,
in case you want to write, uh..
here.
Uh, here's something
with my address on it.
Oh.
But it's
your driver's license.
Oh.
Aw, go ahead.
That way you can have
a picture of me, too.
Well, listen, so long.
I mean, it was nice
talking to you.
Same here.
( laughs )
I think I have
your smile.
Yeah? That's funny.
I just got it
two seconds ago.
Well...
Listen, you better go.
Hey, Alex, your daughter...
she's beautiful.
Yeah, well, thank you.
( crying )
( all groaning )
Well, it was sweet
while it lasted.
Hey, everybody.
Guess what?
I got my hack license.
( laughs )
Oh, boy.
You miss Rona Barrett
one morning,
you lose touch.
Bobby...
I didn't expect
to see you here.
I thought you got
that job on Equus.
No, uh...
they went another way.
Nah, it's cool, you know?
No, really...
it's cool.
It's cool.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, we got a lot of cabs here.
Rieger, 214.
Banta, 8367.
Nardo, 1532.
Wheeler, 999.
Not 999!
Hey, Gravas!
Fix the horn on 816.
Hey, Burns...
Bring your
license here.
All right.
( theme music playing )
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
( grunts )
Hey, Belson,
you got cab 2452!
Tony, get out
of cab 2452.
We need it.
Harry! 8622-- Wash it!
It's filthy!
Hey, Tony, you get creamed
in your fight last night?
What's it like
having a cauliflower back?
I didn't get creamed.
I lost on the decision.
I'm impressed.
The referee decided
I was bleeding too much.
Hey, Alex,
want to go for breakfast?
No, I can't.
Hey, Alex.
Hi, Alex.
Hi. Hi, guys.
I'm sorry I didn't have
anything smaller than a $50
but I only had $150
in the bank
and I took it all out
to come to New York,
and they gave me
three 50s...
Yeah.
and so, you see...
Look, I'm sorry I had
to bring you back here
just to get change.
Oh, are you kidding?
This is the New York
kind of thing
I've always dreamed of.
Maybe you want to buy
one of our postcards.
Anybody here got
change for a $50?
Yeah, I got it.
Hey, had a good night,
huh, Alex?
Very funny.
Here you go.
Now, how much
was that again?
$4.85.
There's five, and, uh...
This going to take
much longer?
I'm sorry.
I want to give you a tip.
It's just difficult
to figure out
what 15% of $4.85 is when
somebody's looking at you.
CABBIES:
73 cents!
No, no pennies, thanks.
No pennies.
Uh, may I use the phone?
I have to find
someplace to stay.
Yeah, right there.
Oh.
Uh, do you have...?
Huh? Yeah.
Thank you.
Hey, Alex.
Yeah.
They called me back
for Equus.
Oh, you see?
I told you.
Hey, what's Equus?
Hey, don't give me
a look like that.
I could ask a question.
A lot of people
don't know about that.
It's... a play.
It's a play about a psychiatrist
and a boy who worships horses.
So, before I go in there,
I say straight to them:
"Gentlemen, you're looking at
the man you're gonna hire."
So that gets their interest
up real quick, right?
Oh, yeah. Right, right.
Hey, what part
are you trying for?
Listen, soon as I
finish over there,
I'll come over here
and I'll tell you
everything, okay?
Until then, have
a piece of gum.
Oh, thanks.
Why didn't you tell
him what part?
Because, Alex,
he won't understand.
Try him.
But, Alex, he won't...
Go ahead, try him.
Take a chance.
Okay.
I'm up for
the part of the horse.
Yeah? Which end?
Gee, this phone is terrific.
Yeah? We hoped you'd like it.
No, no, I mean,
this plate's broken, see?
You just put your money in,
and it comes right back.
You can call anywhere
for free. Look.
Okay, behind me.
That's right,
calm yourselves.
I got here first.
Hey, Alex, don't you
want to make a call?
No, I don't have
anybody to call.
There's got to be
somebody somewhere
you want to call.
No, well, no,
not now.
Hello?
Is this the National Theater
of London, England?
Yeah. I'd like to speak
to Sir Laurence Olivier, please.
Yeah, it's Bobby Wheeler
from New York City calling.
No, it's not personal.
I'm an actor, too.
This... is the National Theater
of London.
That is a good call.
Hello?
I can't believe it.
I... I didn't think
I could get you on the phone.
Oh, wow.
Laurence Olivier's secretary.
Listen, uh...
Do you think that I
could talk to him, please?
Oh. Well, uh...
what's he doing?
Oh, wow.
No kidding?
Taking a curtain call?
Well, don't bother him.
Just... just tell him
that a guy...
no... that an actor...
named Bobby Wheeler
just called to say... that...
Yeah. Hey, hey,
thanks for listening.
That is
a great phone, man.
Hey, Alex, you want
to take my turn?
Uh, no, thanks, Tony.
You go ahead.
Well, if you're sure,
I think I'll make
a little one myself.
Operator. Yeah, I'd like
to call Bangkok, Thailand.
Yeah, when I was in Vietnam,
I went R&R in Bangkok.
Met a girl
I just can't get out of my mind.
Just crazy about her.
Classiest lady I ever met.
Yes, operator, I want
the VIP Massage Parlor.
Okay, I'll deposit the money.
( coins clattering )
Excuse me?
Uh, my name's
Elaine Nardo.
They told me
to ask for Louie.
Yes, ma'am.
I'm Louie De Palma.
Oh, hi.
I hope there's no trouble.
If there is,
I'll be glad to help
in any way I can.
Oh, no, no. It's just
that they told me
I'd be starting work today
as a driver.
Here's my hack license.
You're a cab driver?
What do you mean
busting my chops here
making believe
you're a regular person?
Go wait over there.
I'll call your
name and number.
Till then, keep
your mouth shut!
What's wrong?
Don't they feed you in there?
Whoo!
Whoo-whoo!
Hey, witty person.
Fill out this form--
and I hope you fill it out
better than you fill out
your pants.
See, we're all fun here.
Now, you mustn't be too upset
with Louie, miss.
He's really a very nice guy.
He'd give you
the scales off his back.
Well, I don't have to worry
about him.
I'm only going
to be working here part-time.
Oh.
I have
this other job...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I know.
We're all part-time here.
I'm part-time.
I only work
60 hours a week.
No, really--
I really work
as a receptionist
at an art gallery.
Oh, yeah?
No, I'm not really
a taxi driver.
No, no, I understand.
You see that guy over there?
Now, he's an actor.
The guy on the phone,
he's a prizefighter.
This lady over here,
she's a beautician.
The man behind her,
he's a writer.
Me, I'm a cab driver.
I'm the only cab driver
in this place.
Why is everyone here
just a little angry?
Hey, it's ringing.
Excuse me, miss.
You're a very
interesting person,
but I'm not sure
you're as interesting
as a massage parlor in Bangkok.
Well, don't be too sure
till you know me better.
Oh...
No, no, I'm kidding.
I'm not serious.
I'm all talk, really.
Please. I'm all talk.
Oh, well...
back to the massage parlor.
Hello, this is PFC
Tony Banta.
I'm calling from the USA.
I'd like to speak to...
Number 12.
She's not, huh?
Hey, is there any way
I could reach her?
Oh. Well, so long.
Since the war's over,
they only go up to nine.
Hey, was that
a crazy call I made?
I mean, do you think number 12
ever thinks of me?
How many times
you ever see her?
Ten or 20 times.
How long were you
in Bangkok?
A day.
Yeah, I think
she remembers you.
Hey... hey, Alex,
this is fun.
Why don't you
make a call?
No...
Come on.
Actually, I was thinking
there for a second
about calling my, uh, my kid.
Hey, I didn't know
you had a kid!
Oh, well...
Wow! A boy or a girl?
Girl.
Hey, Alex, how come
you never brought her...?
'Cause I haven't
seen her in 15 years.
15 years?!
Yeah, 15 years.
My ex-husband was right.
He's not the worst there is.
Oh, so you made up your mind
about me already, huh?
I'm a heel.
I abandoned my daughter
and now you're going
to shun me, huh?
Well, let's put it this way:
I'd rather be
on a desert island with him.
Don't you wish.
Now, wait a minute...
Now, wait a minute.
Listen,
Miss, uh, Elaine Nardo,
you know, things aren't always
as pat as they seem.
Divorced mothers
taking care of their children
against incredible odds,
while the men are free
to stay out all night,
join a gym,
and take advantage
of girls named Debbie.
Now, look-- my wife,
for example.
She married this gentleman
from South America.
Moved there with the kid,
and told me that if
I really loved my daughter,
I wouldn't contact her
because it would cause
too much confusion.
She told me
that if I really wanted
to be a good father,
I would allow this gentleman...
from South America...
to adopt her.
Show you what a...
how smart I was, I bought it.
I'm sorry about
what I said before.
You're not a heel.
You're a jerk.
I accept your apology.
A giant jerk.
Listen, no matter what
you agreed to before,
it shouldn't stop you from
picking up that phone right now
and calling
your daughter.
Leave the man alone.
If he doesn't give a damn
about his kid
that's his business.
Hey, now, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
All right, I'll call her!
I'll call her tomorrow
when the line
isn't so long.
You are going to feel
so much better,
I promise you.
I feel like we're getting
married at Annapolis.
Yes, operator, Rio De Janeiro.
Yes, I can hold.
I have no idea what I'm going
to say to this kid.
LOUIE:
Latka! Where
you going?!
Latka, I don't want you
hanging around the drivers.
I need you on
the third level
to fix the cabs.
( speaking native language )
That's telling him,
Latka.
Latka, no, this is
a very important phone call.
It's a very bad time for
English lessons right now.
Please.
All right, all right.
While I'm waiting.
What is it?
Eh... Lesson 12.
Mm.
( haltingly: )
Thank you, chambermaid,
for your
excellent service.
I am glad I don't require
medical assistance.
Yeah, listen,
that, uh, that's...
that's very good,
that's very good
but those phrases all have
"chambermaid" every other word.
Why don't you take a look
at the phrases I wrote
in the back of the book?
Here, look:
"Get off my back."
"Give me a minute
while I go to the can."
Study those.
Yes, operator, I'm here.
"Get off my back."
Uh, Latka... later.
Yes, uh, is Mrs., um--
Oh, what the hell's
her name now--
Consuelos there?
Consuelos?
Phyllis Bornstein Consuelos?
Yes, thank you.
( speaking native language )
Yeah, sure.
Bed?
No bed.
No bed?
Thank you very much.
Hello. Hello, Phyllis.
Hello, Phyllis.
Uh...
I'm not sure
I know what to say to you.
Oh, yeah, that would be
a good place to start.
Alex Rieger.
Yeah.
Uh... good.
Uh, listen, Phyllis, I was just
thinking about Kathy, uh...
Can I speak to her?
Oh.
When did she leave?
Why Portugal?
Well, that's no answer.
Why is she going to college
in Portugal?
What's her major, sardines?
Hey, wait a minute!
That means she'll be coming
through New York.
Oh, Miami?
Well, listen, uh...
if you speak to her,
tell her I'm...
sorry I missed her.
Wait a minute.
What time
will she get into Miami?
If I want to meet her in Miami,
I'll meet her in Miami.
Well, what time tomorrow?
Okay.
Well, I don't know.
I'll think about it.
I might!
Okay, what?
Flight 936.
Thank you.
Phyllis, just hold on a second.
Phyllis, did you ever
sort of think about us and...
me neither.
Yeah, okay, right.
So long. Good-bye.
Louie?
Yeah?
I need a cab for the weekend.
I'm going to Miami.
No!
Aw, come on, Louie.
I'm very tight on time.
I got to leave now.
No!
Let's take it.
Hold everything!
Okay, I got to get
tough with you guys.
We don't let cabs
out no more.
Oh, come on, Louie,
it's very important.
What about 1621?
Nobody wants 1621!
No!
Hey, hey, hey,
can I go along?
Yeah, sure.
I don't have anything
else to do.
I'll have it back for you
by the end of the weekend.
Alex, I run this garage,
and no one takes my
cabs for joyrides.
All right.
Come on, let's take it.
Give me a minute
while I go to the can.
( grunts )
Thank you very much.
ALEX:
Wouldn't it be weird,
after all this trouble,
if we got there too late?
TONY:
Don't worry about it.
We'll make it.
I once had to be in Miami
in a hurry for a fight.
I drove it in 23 hours
all by myself.
Wow, what a drive.
I swallowed
a whole handful of uppers.
You know, when
the guy knocked me out,
I couldn't close my eyes.
Could I have your ticket
and passport please?
No, no.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm looking for someone.
She's supposed to be leaving
from this gate--
Kathy Consuelos.
She's here.
Oh, my God!
Would you like me
to page her for you?
No, no, no.
If there's anything to genetics
I should be able
to figure out
which one she is.
JOHN:
Well, Alex, good luck.
Okay. Wait over there.
Don't worry,
we're not going to leave you.
WOMAN ( over P.A. ):
National Airlines flight 409
to San Francisco
now departing from gate 28.
Hmm?
Kathy Consuelos?
Yes?
Son of a...
I beg your pardon?
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
I, uh...
I'm...
I'm sort of your father.
You're Mr. Rieger?
Yes, right.
Rieger. Right. Yes.
( excited gasp )
Well...
Well...
I've been wondering about you.
Yeah, same here.
There's...
so much time to cover.
( stammering )
15 years...
( over P.A. ):
Iberia flight 936 for Lisbon,
now boarding
and will depart in five minutes.
That gives us less
than 30 seconds for each year.
We may have to skip the '60s.
Listen, would you
like to sit down?
Please.
You know, I was always wondering
what you looked like.
Well, I'm much
better-looking than this.
You are very pretty.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, we're getting
along great.
How did you know
I was gonna be here?
Oh, fathers know
these things.
Do you know
anything about me?
I mean, uh... what
have you heard?
Just that you're living
up on a ranch in Montana
and you're thinking of running
for United States Senate.
Oh...
Well, I got
some bad news for you.
I lost the senate race.
No, I think
your mother
is trying to make me
into much more
of an exciting guy
than I am,
but the real story
is almost as good.
I'm a New York cab driver.
Well, why wouldn't she want
to tell me about that?
Well, I guess she didn't want
to impress you.
You know, there's so much
I want to ask you
and I'm very aware of
our time limit here.
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly
what I was thinking.
Well, like father,
like daughter.
Hey, what's wrong?
You really want to know?
Yeah, sure, Kath.
What is it?
You're not going to like it.
Okay. Go ahead.
Well, it's just that
you keep on saying "father."
You're not my father.
Well, I am sorry.
You're not my father.
My father is a man
that has raised me
for as long as I can remember.
Hey, come on.
That's not exactly true.
Sure, it is.
Exactly true.
Wait a minute.
I... I... I raised you
for two years.
I mean that's not long
but at least I got two years.
You must remember
some of that time.
You mean you remember
something from 15 years ago?
Yes, of course.
Like what?
Well, um... like the fact
that when you were born,
the doctor had to turn you
so you could get out
the right way.
Life started right there.
Like the fact that you
used to look annoyed at me
when I gave you
a 2:00 a.m. feeding
and I couldn't figure out
why it was you who was annoyed.
You hardly crawled.
You went right to walking.
You used to sneeze like a cat.
( high-pitched sneezing )
I even remember your favorite
food: strained peas.
Yeah, you used to send it back
if you got chopped peas.
I remember your favorite joke:
Got your nose.
Which is no longer
your favorite joke.
Listen, Kathy...
you can rap me for a lot:
copping out...
telling myself that I was
letting you out of my life
for your good,
when the truth is
I was looking for the
easy way out myself.
So, please, don't tell me
that I don't remember
the experience
of having a daughter
for two years.
I mean, please, don't tell me
that, because I really do.
( voice breaking ):
I remember.
( over P.A. ):
Iberia flight 936 for Lisbon
final boarding at gate 10.
Hey, listen, uh...
when you wear your bag
over your shoulder
always wear it
with the clasp on the inside.
It's safer that way.
All right.
And don't trust guys
who wear scarves over here.
Don't trust guys
who go too far down
with the buttons
on their shirt.
And don't trust guys
who wear too much
religious stuff
around their neck.
I mean, uh,
don't trust guys.
Hey, uh...
Hey, listen,
in case you want to write, uh..
here.
Uh, here's something
with my address on it.
Oh.
But it's
your driver's license.
Oh.
Aw, go ahead.
That way you can have
a picture of me, too.
Well, listen, so long.
I mean, it was nice
talking to you.
Same here.
( laughs )
I think I have
your smile.
Yeah? That's funny.
I just got it
two seconds ago.
Well...
Listen, you better go.
Hey, Alex, your daughter...
she's beautiful.
Yeah, well, thank you.
( crying )
( all groaning )
Well, it was sweet
while it lasted.
Hey, everybody.
Guess what?
I got my hack license.
( laughs )
Oh, boy.
You miss Rona Barrett
one morning,
you lose touch.
Bobby...
I didn't expect
to see you here.
I thought you got
that job on Equus.
No, uh...
they went another way.
Nah, it's cool, you know?
No, really...
it's cool.
It's cool.
Oh, thanks.
Okay, we got a lot of cabs here.
Rieger, 214.
Banta, 8367.
Nardo, 1532.
Wheeler, 999.
Not 999!
Hey, Gravas!
Fix the horn on 816.
Hey, Burns...
Bring your
license here.
All right.
( theme music playing )
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
( grunts )