Tattoo Nightmares Miami (2014–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Flurry Faux Pas - full transcript
A visit to the shoe store and a tattoo artist with a bad sense of humor landed Bruce his bear of a mistake.
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE,
THERE'S NOTHING WORSE
THAN A BAD TATTOO.
NOW THREE ARTISTS
HAVE COME TOGETHER
TO TAKE ON MIAMI'S MOST
IMPOSSIBLE TATTOO NIGHTMARES.
- MIAMI'S MY HOME.
YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE NOW.
- DON'T LET THIS PRETTY FACE
FOOL YOU.
I'M ALL BUSINESS, BABY.
- LOVE ME OR HATE ME,
THE WORK ALWAYS
SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
THEY'RE GOING UP
AGAINST THE MOST INSANE
ORIGINAL TATTOOS...
- I WANT A TATTOO
IN MY ARMPIT.
- SERIOUSLY, THE ARMPIT?
AND OUTRAGEOUS COVER-UPS.
- WHY THE NIPPLE
OUT OF ALL THE PLACES?
- CALL 911!
- DAMN.
THIS IS
TATTOO NIGHTMARES MIAMI.
*
- OH, OKAY.
- WHY'S THE DOOR UNLOCKED?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- WHO LOCKED UP LAST NIGHT?
- I THINK IT WAS HIGH.
- WELL, WHERE IS HE AT?
IS HE HERE?
- I DON'T KNOW.
AAH!
****!
YOU ****!
YOU SCARED THE ****
OUT OF ME!
- WORKING AS
A COVER-UP ARTIST,
YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE
ON YOUR TOES.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN A SURPRISE
COULD JUST POP UP ON YOU.
- I DON'T KNOW.
I KIND OF LIKE SCARY ****.
MY FRIEND, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,
WAS A--
HER DAD WAS A MORTICIAN,
AND WE'D PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK
IN THE MORGUE
WHERE THE DEAD BODIES WERE.
THE BODIES WOULD BE THERE, AND
THEN THEY'D START MAKING NOISES
'CAUSE THEY'RE PUSHING
ALL THE AIR OUT,
SO IT'S LIKE, "AH,"
AND YOU'RE LIKE...
- UH-UH.
- I SWEAR,
EVERY DAY IS A SURPRISE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET THAT SWEET
LITTLE FACE OF REESE'S FOOL ME.
LET'S BE REAL.
REESE IS CREEPY.
- AMEN.
- AMEN.
- AND THE HOLY WATER.
YOU GUYS ARE FOOLS.
I AM--I'M, LIKE,
THE BIGGEST SWEETHEART.
- I THINK
I'M GONNA BOW OUT.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU? RYAN.
- RYAN.
I'M REESE. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- SO WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU
TODAY?
- WELL, I REALLY WANT TO GET
A TATTOO THAT'S PERSONAL TO ME
BUT ALSO NOT IN EVERYBODY'S FACE
AT WORK.
- SO WHERE ARE YOU THINKING
ABOUT GETTING THIS THING?
- WELL, IT'S GONNA BE
IN A PRETTY WEIRD LOCATION.
MIGHT GET A LITTLE SMELLY,
A LITTLE SWEATY.
- OH.
- YEAH.
- YOU KNOW HOW TO CHARM A GIRL,
RIGHT?
- OH, YEAH, I DO.
- SO HOW ABOUT YOU SHOW ME?
- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
- OH, YEAH, ARMPIT TIME. REALLY?
- OH, YEAH.
A MILLION SHOPS
HAVE TURNED ME AWAY
AND DID NOT WANT TO TOUCH
THIS SWEATY, SMELLY ARMPIT,
BECAUSE THE FACT
IT'S IN A SENSITIVE SPOT,
AND IF I START TO SWEAT
PROFUSELY DURING THIS TATTOO,
IT'D BE A PROBLEM FOR 'EM.
I'M SURE I WANT TO GET
THIS TATTOO,
BUT I'M NOT SURE
HOW IT'S GONNA SMELL.
- I'M GONNA TELL YOU FIRSTHAND,
YOU ARE IN A WORLD OF PAIN.
I GOTTA TELL YOU,
THAT HURT SO BAD.
YOU'RE ALREADY SWEATING, HONEY.
- YEAH.
- I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE IN FOR?
THE ARMPIT IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST
SWEAT GLANDS YOU HAVE
ON YOUR BODY,
SO IF YOU GO TOO DEEP,
YOU COULD BLOW OUT THE INK
IN THE ARMPIT
AND YOU COULD JUST SEE THE INK
JUST SPREAD UNDERNEATH,
WHICH IS HORRIBLE.
IF I'M GONNA BE IN YOUR ARMPIT
AND WE'RE GONNA
GET SWEATY TOGETHER,
YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHY
WE'RE DOING THIS.
- WELL, I'M WANTING TO GET
A SURFER
RIPPING DOWN A BARRELING WAVE.
- NICE.
- I'M FROM NORTH CAROLINA.
I GREW UP IN A SMALL, LITTLE,
COUNTRY, BEACH TOWN.
I WAS A LONER
PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
ONE DAY I SAW, YOU KNOW,
SURFING WAS ON TV.
- RIGHT ON. RIGHT ON.
- I SAW THIS GUY ON THE WATER,
AND HE WAS JUST COMPLETELY
RIPPING IT OUT THERE.
I REALIZED THAT'S
WHO I WANTED TO BE.
BOUGHT A BOARD
AND I TAUGHT MYSELF HOW TO SURF.
IT WAS JUST SUCH A STRUGGLE.
I GOT BEAT DOWN
EVERY SINGLE DAY,
BUT EVENTUALLY, I OVERCAME,
AND I ACTUALLY GOT PRETTY GOOD.
IT'S JUST PERSEVERANCE
THAT GOT ME THROUGH IT,
AND ALSO IT HELPED REMIND ME
THAT I COULD NEVER GIVE UP
ON MYSELF
FOR ANYTHING
I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT.
- AWESOME. THAT IS AWE--I WILL
HIGH-FIVE YOU RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH!
- I'M FROM SAN DIEGO,
SO I LOVE TO SURF.
I GREW UP SURFING.
BUT WHY THE ARMPIT?
- I WANT TO PROVE TO EVERYBODY
THAT TOLD ME I COULDN'T DO IT.
AND IT'S JUST GONNA REMIND ME
THAT I CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING
IN LIFE
I SET MY MIND TO.
- ABSOLUTELY, MAN.
I MEAN, IT'S A PAINFUL AREA.
LET ME SEE WHAT I CAN DRAW UP
AND GETTING YOUR ARMPIT
ALL TATTED.
THE LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY TO
TATTOO AN ARMPIT IS PRETTY HIGH.
YOU HAVE A LOT OF SWEATY THINGS
GOING ON UNDER THERE
THAT ARE JUST NOT GONNA WORK
WITH A STENCIL
AND WITH THE TIMING.
YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR TIME
IN PACKING COLOR,
YET YOU HAVE TO MOVE FAST
IN ORDER TO KEEP THAT STENCIL
ON THERE BEFORE YOU LOSE IT
BECAUSE HE SWEATS IT OFF.
HE BETTER KNOW HOW
TO HANG TEN,
BECAUSE WE GOT
A LONG WAY TO GO.
- THAT'S ONE
OF THE BEST METHODS EVER,
JUST HIT A LOT OF 'EM
AT ONCE.
- I LIVE MY LIFE BY THAT.
HEY, GUYS.
- HI.
- GOOD AFTERNOON.
HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M CLINT.
- SHANNON.
- HEY, SHANNON.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HOW YOU DOING? I'M HIGH NOON.
- HIGH NOON, NICE TO MEET YOU.
I'M SHANNON.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- SO I HAVE AN AWFUL TATTOO,
AND IT'S SO EMBARRASSING.
IT'S FAMOUSLY BAD.
IT WENT VIRAL ON THE INTERNET.
SO NOW I AM KNOWN
FOR HAVING A BAD TATTOO.
- REALLY?
- YEAH, FOR REAL?
- YEAH.
- LET'S--LET'S SEE IT.
WOW! I SEEN THAT BEFORE!
- IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
A "NO REGRETS."
IT'S NOT EVEN SPELLED RIGHT.
- "NO REGRITS."
- "NO REGRITS."
- "NO REGRRTS, NO REGRRTS."
"NO REGRRTS."
- MY TATTOO IS AWFUL
AND ENDED UP VIRAL
FOR THE WORST TATTOOS
IN AMERICA.
I WANT THE WORLD TO FORGET
ABOUT MY "NO REGRITS" TATTOO.
- THAT'S "REGRITTABLE."
- IT'S SUCH A HATEFUL SAYING
AGAINST BREAKFAST.
I MEAN, GRITS ARE AWESOME.
I LOVE GRITS.
I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW YOU WOULD REGRIT A GRIT,
BUT, I MEAN,
IT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.
- I MEAN, NOT ONLY IS
IT SPELLED WRONG,
BUT IT'S, LIKE, TOTALLY
OFF-CENTER, MAN.
- YEAH. OH, YEAH.
- IT'S, LIKE, BLOWN OUT.
- I'M SURE ONE OF US
CAN HELP YOU OUT.
- NOTHING AGAINST YOU,
BUT I WENT THE SPANISH ROUTE
THE FIRST ROUND,
AND I GOT IT SPELLED WRONG.
I'M USING THE AMERICAN.
- OH!
- OH, MAN!
DONE IN BY MY ETHNICITY.
THAT IS SO **** FUNNY.
- DON'T YOU REGRIT
WHERE YOU COME FROM.
- I'M JUST GONNA DISAPPEAR
RIGHT NOW.
- DON'T HAVE ANY REGRITS.
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT--
LET'S GO OVER HERE
AND TELL ME A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT IT.
SHANNON HAS A VERY,
VERY DIFFICULT TATTOO,
'CAUSE IT'S LETTERING,
AND LETTERING'S ALWAYS HARD
TO COVER UP.
BUT IT'S ALSO, LIKE,
EXTREMELY SCARRED.
EVEN IF YOU TATTOO OVER IT,
YOU'RE STILL GONNA BE ABLE
TO SEE SOME OF IT
BECAUSE OF THE SWELLING
THAT'S GONNA PRODUCE
AFTER YOU WORK ON IT.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD IT?
- I'VE HAD IT FOR SIX YEARS.
- SIX YEARS?
- SIX YEARS. YES.
AND IT'S BEEN THE WORST
SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE,
AS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
A TRIBUTE TO MY MOM.
AND NOW IT'S JUST
A LIVING JOKE.
- IS SHE NOT WITH US ANYMORE?
- SHE PASSED AWAY
A FEW YEARS AGO.
- DAMN, THAT SUCKS.
SO WHAT KIND OF IDEAS YOU GOT?
- DEFINITELY WANT TO STICK
WITH A TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER.
- OKAY.
- SHE WAS A VERY STRONG PERSON,
AND ELEPHANTS ARE
SUCH A STRONG ANIMAL...
- YEAH.
- SO I REALLY WANT
AN ADULT ELEPHANT LEADING
A BABY ELEPHANT
JUST TO SHOW HOW TIGHT-KNIT
WE WERE
AND ME FOLLOWING
IN HER FOOTSTEPS.
- TELL YOU WHAT--WHY DON'T
WE GO BACK TO THE STATION?
AND WE'LL JUST SEE
IF WE CAN'T GET THIS GOING.
LET'S GO.
- ALL RIGHTY.
- THAT'S A RARITY THAT YOU HAVE
A TATTOO THAT'S SO BAD
THAT IT'S ACTUALLY FAMOUS
FOR BEING BAD.
SO I WANT TO GIVE HER SOMETHING
THAT'S GONNA BE
BOTH A MEMORIAL TATTOO,
AND AT THE SAME TIME,
I WANT TO GIVE HER
A BRAND-NEW PIECE OF ART
THAT CAN STAND ALONE BY ITSELF.
THIS IS BASICALLY
HOW HIGH I CAN GO,
SO THAT DOESN'T GIVE ME
MUCH ROOM TO PLAY.
EVERYTHING I DO
HAS TO BE DOWN.
HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN?
- HOW'S IT GOING?
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
- I'M BRUCE.
- AWESOME, MY NAME'S HIGH NOON.
YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY?
- YES, AND I JUST HAVE A TATTOO
THAT'S SO INAPPROPRIATE,
AND I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN.
I JUST NEED IT COVERED UP.
- HOW INAPPROPRIATE, LIKE--
- PROBABLY CLOSE TO RATED R.
- OH, MAN, SOMETHING
TELLS ME I'M GONNA REGRET THIS,
BUT LET ME--LET ME SEE
WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH.
- OKAY.
- SUCH A COMEDIAN.
THAT'S A BEAR GRABBING
HIS JUNK, RIGHT?
- ON MY 18TH BIRTHDAY, I GOT A
PRESENT THAT I NEVER ASKED FOR.
I MADE ONE HUGE MISTAKE WHEN
I WENT IN TO BUY A PAIR OF SHOES
AND WALKED OUT WITH THIS BEAR
GRABBING HIS CROTCH.
AND I'VE NEVER BEEN THE SAME
SINCE.
- THAT BEAR IS REALLY
GETTING IN THERE, MAN.
THIS TATTOO DEFINITELY RUBS ME
THE WRONG WAY, MAN.
THIS IS--HOW LONG
HAS THIS BEEN ON YOU?
- 18 YEARS.
- AND IT'S STILL REALLY DARK
AND BOLD, MAN.
- YEAH.
- THAT'S A REAL CHALLENGE
TO GO AHEAD AND CLEAR THAT UP.
LET ME BRING YOU TO MY STATION.
- OKAY.
- OTHER THAN BEING
COMPLETELY OFFENSIVE,
THE FACE OF THE ANIMAL IS LIKE
A DARK MASS OF JUST INK.
THIS TATTOO IS GONNA BE A BEAR
TO COVER UP.
- I'VE ALWAYS DREADED
MY KIDS ACTUALLY SEEING IT
AND HAVING TO EXPLAIN
WHAT THIS BEAR IS DOING.
- OH, YEAH. YOU'RE A FAMILY MAN.
YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT.
YOU KNOW?
- EXACTLY.
- SO WHAT ARE YOU THINKING
ABOUT COVERING IT UP WITH?
- I'M THINKING ABOUT DOING
A PTERODACTYL PROTECTING EGGS.
'CAUSE, LIKE,
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,
I REALLY LIKED DINOSAURS
AND STUFF,
AND THEY'RE VERY PROTECTIVE
OF THEIR YOUNG, SO...
- SOUNDS LIKE
A PRETTY AWESOME IDEA, MAN.
I'M A FATHER,
SO I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE REALLY PROTECTIVE.
LET ME PUT SOMETHING TO PAPER.
- OKAY.
- AND WE'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE.
- SOUNDS GOOD.
- REALISM DOESN'T HAVE
ANY LINE WORK IN IT,
SO I HAVE TO FIND OUT A WAY
TO JUST COVER EVERYTHING UP
WITH SHADING.
IT'S GONNA BE A REAL CHALLENGE
TO COVER THIS ONE UP.
THIS IS A TOUGH ONE, MAN.
THIS BEAR HAS NO RESPECT
FOR ANYBODY.
- OKAY, SO I DREW SOMETHING
FOR YOU
THAT WOULD LOOK AWESOME...
- OKAY.
IN YOUR PIT, OKAY?
- YEAH.
- ARE YOU READY?
- OH, I'M READY.
- YOU WANNA SEE THIS?
- MM-HMM.
- OKAY.
- HOLY ****, DUDE.
THAT'S SICK.
- YOU--YOU STOKED ON IT?
- OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.
I LOVE THAT.
- SINCE THIS TATTOO
ISN'T A COVER-UP,
THE ARTWORK IS THE EASY PART.
THIS TATTOO IS GONNA BE
A RACE AGAINST TIME
BEFORE HE SWEATS OFF
THE ENTIRE STENCIL.
AND WE START.
- ALL RIGHT.
- IT'S ALSO
A REALLY SENSITIVE AREA,
SO I NEED TO FINISH BEFORE
HIS ARMPIT GETS TOO SWOLLEN.
JUST CHILLAX...
- YEAH.
- AND WE'RE GONNA GET
THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.
THIS IS DEFINITELY A NO-JOKE
KIND OF TATTOOING.
OH, MAN, I AM SWIMMING
IN THIS GUY'S ARMPIT SWEAT.
HIS STENCIL IS A MESS, AND HE'S
ALREADY STARTING TO GET SWOLLEN.
I CAN ALREADY TELL THIS IS GONNA
BE ONE LONG, DISGUSTING DAY.
NIGHTMARE FOR ME.
NIGHTMARE FOR YOU.
OH, MAN.
I'M STARTING TO REALLY LOSE
MY STENCIL.
- OH, ****.
- OH, MAN. I'M STARTING
TO REALLY LOSE IT.
THIS IS DEFINITELY A NO-JOKE
KIND OF TATTOOING.
THIS GUY IS SO SWEATY,
I CAN BARELY SEE MY STENCIL.
I KNOW I'M GONNA BE FIGHTING
THIS THING ALL DAY LONG.
YOUR ARMPIT IS SO SWEATY AND
GROSS, IT'S JUST A MESS IN HERE.
ALL THIS AREA THAT
I'VE ALREADY TATTOOED,
I'VE GOTTA GO BACK TO IT,
UNFORTUNATELY, OKAY?
- DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
- WE'RE GONNA GET IT IN TODAY,
BROTHER.
- NO, MANNING UP.
- ARE YOU READY?
- I AM SO READY.
I LOVE IT.
IT IS PERFECT.
I'M JUST REALLY NERVOUS,
BECAUSE EVERY TIME
I LOOK AT MY TATTOO,
IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL
HOW IT SHOULD.
IT SHOULD BE A TRIBUTE
TO MY MOTHER, AND INSTEAD,
IT JUST BRINGS ME BACK
TO A HORRIBLE DRUNKEN NIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT, SHANNON, HOW DID
YOU END UP WITH "NO REGRRTS"
ON YOUR BACK?
- WELL, GROWING UP,
I WAS THE PERFECT KID,
AND MY MOM WAS MY BEST FRIEND.
- YOUNG LADY,
YOU KNOW MY MOTTO.
NO REGRETS!
- SHE TAUGHT ME TO LIVE LIFE
TO THE FULLEST.
WHEN I WAS 18, MY MOM WAS
DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER,
AND IT HIT ME REALLY HARD
WHEN SHE PASSED AWAY.
- I KNOW, MOM,
NO REGRETS.
STILL SUCKS, THOUGH.
- I FIGURED GETTING "NO REGRETS"
TATTOOED ON MY BODY
WOULD HELP ME ALWAYS REMEMBER
MY MOM'S MOTTO.
SO I GRABBED MY FRIEND
AND WENT TO THE FIRST
TATTOO SHOP THAT WE COULD FIND.
AS SOON AS WE GOT TO THE SHOP,
THERE WERE ALL THESE GUYS
SMOKING, DRINKING,
AND PARTYING.
IT WAS JUST OUR KIND OF VIBE
FOR THE NIGHT.
- JUST YOUR KIND OF VIBE?
- THEY STARTED FLIRTING WITH US
THE MOMENT WE WALKED IN.
- WE'RE OPEN ALL NIGHT LONG
FOR YOU, BABY!
- WE ONLY HAD 50 BUCKS,
AND WE BOTH WANTED TATTOOS.
THEY AGREED TO IT
AS LONG AS WE PAID UP FRONT
AND PARTIED WITH THEM.
- YOU'RE GONNA STRETCH
THAT 50 BUCKS.
- YEAH, OH, YEAH.
SO WE GRABBED A DRINK,
STARTED PARTYING,
AND I PICKED OUT MY FONT.
NO REGRETS!
- BY THE TIME MY TATTOO
WAS FINISHED,
THE OTHER ARTIST
RUNS IN THE DOOR.
HE'S SCREAMING.
HE SAYS, "THIS DEAL IS OFF."
- WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR GIRL?
SHE AIN'T DOWN NOW?
- "WE ARE NOT DOING
THIS TATTOO.
SHE WON'T EVEN
HOOK UP WITH ME."
- OBVIOUSLY,
THE $50 WASN'T ENOUGH.
THEY WANTED SOMETHING OUT--
MORE OUT OF IT.
I WAS SO PANICKED,
THE CLOSEST THING I COULD FIND
WAS THE SHOP PHONE.
SO I PICKED IT UP,
THREW IT AT THE ARTIST...
- DUCK! NO REGRETS!
- WHOA!
- YOU HIT THE GUY
WITH HIS OWN PHONE?
- I DID.
- COME ON, LET'S GO!
- WE RAN OUT, GOT INTO OUR CARS,
WENT STRAIGHT HOME,
AND PASSED OUT.
THE NEXT MORNING I REALIZED
I NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT MY TATTOO
WITH ALL THE CHAOS GOING ON.
I HAD A STAGE FOUR MELTDOWN.
- COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.
YOU COULD HAVE WOKE UP
WITH A BABY.
AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
LOOK AT NOON,
"AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT."
I'LL HAVE YOUR BABY, NOON.
- HOW'S IT GOING OVER HERE?
- I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE
MY LANDMARKS EVERYWHERE.
'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY LOST
SOME OF IT,
SO I'M JUST--
- OH, YEAH, HE'S BEEN A BAD BOY
SWEATING ALL OVER THE PLACE,
HUH?
- YEAH, HE'S BEEN SWEATING.
- MAN, THAT STENCIL
IS LOOKING WRECKED.
TRUST ME,
I KNOW FIRSTHAND,
THIS IS WHY ARMPIT TATTOOS
ARE SO RISKY.
I FEEL LIKE REESE IS JUST
FREESTYLING AT THIS POINT.
AND HOW YOU HOLDING UP, MAN?
- OH, MAN,
THIS **** HURTS.
- WELL, THEN LET ME
GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR.
- YEAH, GET OUT OF MY HAIR, MAN.
I'M TRYING TO FINISH THIS.
- I WHIPPED THIS UP,
AND THIS IS THE IMAGE
THAT I CAME UP WITH.
- I REALLY LIKE THAT.
I DEFINITELY LOVE IT.
- AWESOME.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- AWESOME.
- THE TATTOO THAT
HIGH NOON DREW UP FOR ME
IS JUST ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
BUT LAST TIME
I TRUSTED AN ARTIST,
I ENDED UP
WITH A MOLESTING BEAR.
SO I'M REALLY NERVOUS
ABOUT IT.
- ALL RIGHT, MAN, HOW DID YOU
END UP WITH THIS NASTY BEAR?
- WELL, IT WAS
MY 18TH BIRTHDAY,
AND, YOU KNOW, MY FRIENDS AND I
DECIDED WE'D GO OUT
TO DO SOME CLOTHES SHOPPING.
DECIDED WE NEEDED
A NEW PAIR OF SHOES TOO.
SO WE ENDED UP
GOING INTO THIS SHOE STORE.
WE GO IN, AND--AND THERE WAS
JUST A COUPLE EMPTY BOXES.
- LOOKS LIKE WE MISSED
A BIG SALE, HUH?
- IT WAS JUST A BARBER CHAIR
IN ONE CORNER.
- IN A SHOE STORE?
- IN A SHOE STORE.
THEN THIS BIG, BURLY GUY
COMES OUT...
- WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?
- AND WE SAID,
"WE'RE HERE
TO GET SOME SHOES."
HE SAID, "NO, THE SHOE STORE
IS CLOSED," AND...
- WELCOME TO MY TATTOO SHOP!
- OH, OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT, SO WHO'S GONNA BE
MY FIRST CUSTOMER? HUH?
- OH, NO.
- YEAH.
- IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY.
I COULDN'T CHICKEN OUT.
- YOU GOTTA DO IT, MAN.
- OH, I SEE.
IT'S A PEER PRESSURE THING.
OKAY, I'LL DO IT.
- SO I PICKED OUT THIS BEAR
THROWING A PEACE SIGN.
- THAT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE
A PEACE SIGN TO ME.
- AS WE FINISHED UP
WITH THE TATTOO,
THE ARTIST STARTED LAUGHING.
WHAT'S SO--WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
OH!
- INSTEAD OF THE BEAR
THROWING THE PEACE SIGN,
HE'S GOT A BEAR
GRABBING HIMSELF.
HE THOUGHT IT WAS
THE FUNNIEST THING.
- I'M THINKING I'D MAKE HIM
GRABBING HIMSELF.
YOU KNOW, GRABBING
THAT BEAR JUNK!
- LOOK AT THAT.
HE'S REALLY DIGGING IN.
- I WAS HORRIFIED WHEN I SAW
WHAT MY ARM LOOKED LIKE.
AND THE WHOLE TIME, MY FRIENDS,
THEY WERE ALL LAUGHING AT ME.
- I GUESS THAT'S OKAY.
I GUESS.
- SO MY BUDDY,
HE JUST WENT AND PAID,
AND WE JUST HURRIED UP
AND GOT OUT OF THERE.
- AS A FATHER MYSELF,
I KNOW THIS IS NOT AN IMAGE
THAT YOU CAN SHOW YOUR KIDS,
SO I'M GONNA TRY MY BEST, MAN,
TO MAKE THIS BEAR HISTORY, BRO.
- ****.
- THIS IS MIND OVER MATTER.
YOU'RE ALMOST--
- OH, ****.
- YOU OKAY?
- YEAH. THE ARMPIT
IS TENDER NOW, DUDE.
- WITH HIS ARMPIT SO SWOLLEN,
I HAVE TO BE SO CAREFUL
ON HOW THE TISSUE'S REACTING,
SO I DON'T BLOW THIS THING OUT
AND RUIN IT.
- I HAD TO PICK
THE WORST SPOTS EVER.
ABSOLUTELY.
- IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO DEAL WITH THE SWELLING,
I MAY NOT BE ABLE
TO GET THROUGH THIS.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE REALLY SWOLLEN.
- I'M ON FIRE.
AH.
- BREATHE.
BREATHE, BROTHER, BREATHE.
- YOU'RE REALLY SWOLLEN.
- THAT ARMPIT
IS ALMOST DEAD NOW.
- THIS GUY'S ARMPIT
IS SO SWOLLEN,
I GOTTA FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO FIX THIS,
OR WE'RE DEFINITELY
NOT MAKING IT.
WHAT'D YOU GET YOURSELF INTO,
MAN?
- OH, I HATE MY LIFE.
- I AM GOING TO SPRAY A LITTLE
SOMETHING ON YOU REALLY QUICK.
AT THIS POINT, IT'S JUST TOO
HARD TO GO FORWARD WITH THIS.
I GOTTA SPRAY HIM DOWN
WITH ANTI-INFLAMMATORY SOLUTION
AND JUST HOPE THAT
THE SWELLING GOES DOWN.
GET UP FOR ME.
- THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO, HONEY.
MAYBE GETTING SOME BLOOD
BACK IN THERE MIGHT HELP OUT.
- ALL RIGHT, BROTHER,
WE ARE DONE.
- I'M VERY, VERY ANXIOUS
TO SEE THIS TATTOO,
BECAUSE I WANT TO BE
A PROPER ROLE MODEL FOR MY KIDS.
I DON'T WANT THEM
TO THINK LESS OF ME.
- ALL RIGHT,
THEN I WILL STEP ASIDE
AND LET YOU
TAKE A LOOK AT IT, BRO.
- OH, MY GOD.
IT LOOKS SO GOOD.
- THAT DIRTY BEAR
IS GONE FOR GOOD, BRO.
- I AM SO HAPPY.
MY FAVORITE PART
OF THE NEW TATTOO IS
THE DETAIL ON THE NEST
AND THE EGGS, EACH LITTLE STICK.
I DEFINITELY WILL BE ABLE
TO MOVE FORWARD NOW.
I CAN BE A PROPER ROLE MODEL
FOR MY KIDS.
MY KIDS ARE GONNA BE SO EXCITED
TO SEE THIS.
- I HAD TO PLACE THE EYE
OF THE PTERODACTYL
RIGHT SMACK IN THE CENTER.
USED HEAVY, HEAVY SHADING
TO GET RID OF MOST OF THAT BEAR.
WELL, GO SHOW
THAT THING OFF, MAN.
- OKAY. SOUNDS GOOD.
- LET THAT PTERODACTYL FLY.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- YOU CAN'T SEE THAT BEAR
AT ALL, MAN.
I RUBBED THAT BEAR OUT FOR GOOD.
- I JUST GOT MY NEW TATTOO.
- IT'S LOOKING GOOD,
SO THAT'S AWESOME.
ALL RIGHTY, HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT, MAN.
I AM DONE.
OUT OF YOUR ARMPIT.
- THAT'S THE WORST PAIN
I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
- TODAY HAS BEEN A LONG DAY
FOR ALL OF US,
FROM HIS STENCIL MELTING AWAY
TO HIS SWOLLEN ARMPIT.
I JUST HOPE THIS WHOLE THING
WAS WORTH IT
AND HE LOVES HIS TATTOO.
GO AHEAD AND TURN.
- HOLY ****, DUDE!
MAN, THAT'S AWESOME. THANK YOU.
- YEAH.
- I'M DUMBFOUNDED RIGHT NOW.
THE DETAILS IN THE WATER
ARE INSANE.
THE REFLECTION OF THE SURFER
ON THE WATER IS AMAZING.
I'M SPEECHLESS, REALLY.
- YOU'RE LIKE A POP-UP BOOK NOW,
YOU KNOW?
AND SO THAT'S, LIKE,
THE BEST PART.
I HAD TO MAKE SURE THAT
THE PLACEMENT WAS CORRECT.
THE TIDAL WAVE NEEDED TO LAND
DIRECTLY INTO THE ARMPIT
IN ORDER FOR IT TO LOOK RIGHT.
- THIS IS AWESOME. THIS IS THE
BEST TATTOO I'VE EVER GOTTEN.
- OH.
- THE MOST PAINFUL, BUT--
- I BET. I KNOW.
- BUT THIS IS AMAZING.
I'M SHOWING IT TO EVERYBODY.
I'M FLYING THAT THING PROUDLY.
BEING I MADE IT
THROUGH THIS WHOLE TATTOO,
I CAN DO ANYTHING
I SET MY MIND TO NOW.
- ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART,
I THINK WE'RE DONE.
- I HOPE THAT WHEN
I LOOK AT MY NEW TATTOO
I CAN THINK OF MY MOTHER
AND KNOW THAT SHE IS ALWAYS
STILL THERE WATCHING OVER ME
AS MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.
- GIVE IT A GO.
- OH, MY GOD.
I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
IT LOOKS AWESOME.
THE "NO REGRETS"
CAN'T EVEN BE SEEN.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- OH, IT'S GONE, SWEETHEART.
- IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME
AND MY MOM.
I KNOW SHE'D BE SO PROUD
RIGHT NOW.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MY TATTOO.
HAVING THE TWO ELEPHANTS,
WITH THE BABY ELEPHANT
AND THE MOM ELEPHANT,
IT ABSOLUTELY RESEMBLES ME
AND MY MOTHER'S RELATIONSHIP.
IF SHE WAS HERE,
SHE'D BE RIGHT BY MY SIDE.
SHE'S NOT THAT EMBARRASSMENT
ONLINE ANYMORE.
- NO. THE "REGRITS" IS GONE.
- IT IS GONE.
- I JUST REALLY PLAYED WITH
MY LIGHT SOURCES ON THIS PIECE,
AND I MADE SURE THAT I GAVE IT
A LITTLE BIT DARKER SHADOWS
ON THE TOP AND BOTTOM.
THAT KIND OF MASKED THE OLD
TATTOO WITHOUT IT LOOKING LIKE
I JUST TRIED TO THROW STRAIGHT
BLACK OVER THE TOP OF IT.
- I JUST LOVE
THE ENTIRE LAYOUT.
LIKE, FROM AFAR,
IT LOOKS LIKE AN ELEPHANT,
FROM UP CLOSE,
IT LOOKS LIKE THREE.
- I LOVE EVERYTHING
ABOUT MY TATTOO,
BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IS HOW IT ACTUALLY
PAYS TRIBUTE TO MY MOM.
I WILL BE ABLE TO LOOK AT IT
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
AND KNOW THAT SHE'S ALWAYS
WATCHING OVER ME.
THAT'S WHY I WANTED
THIS TATTOO.
- OOH! SHE WAS CUTE.
- HEY, WHEN SHE CHOSE CLINT
OVER ME, MAN, IT WAS, YOU KNOW--
- YEAH, I'M NOT EVEN GETTING
IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT ONE.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, DUDE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, MAN.
- YEAH, HUG IT OUT, GUYS.
HUG IT OUT, GUYS!
- JUST LET IT BE KNOWN,
YOU CAN'T TOUCH
THIS TEXAS SWAG.
THE FIN ALWAYS DOES 'EM IN.
- AND ON THAT NOTE...
- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
- GOOD-BYE.
WHO WANTS TO PLAY
HIDE-AND-SEEK?
- SERIOUSLY, I MEAN,
DEAD BODIES, REALLY?
- OH, I KNOW.
COME ON NOW.
THERE'S NOTHING WORSE
THAN A BAD TATTOO.
NOW THREE ARTISTS
HAVE COME TOGETHER
TO TAKE ON MIAMI'S MOST
IMPOSSIBLE TATTOO NIGHTMARES.
- MIAMI'S MY HOME.
YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE NOW.
- DON'T LET THIS PRETTY FACE
FOOL YOU.
I'M ALL BUSINESS, BABY.
- LOVE ME OR HATE ME,
THE WORK ALWAYS
SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
THEY'RE GOING UP
AGAINST THE MOST INSANE
ORIGINAL TATTOOS...
- I WANT A TATTOO
IN MY ARMPIT.
- SERIOUSLY, THE ARMPIT?
AND OUTRAGEOUS COVER-UPS.
- WHY THE NIPPLE
OUT OF ALL THE PLACES?
- CALL 911!
- DAMN.
THIS IS
TATTOO NIGHTMARES MIAMI.
*
- OH, OKAY.
- WHY'S THE DOOR UNLOCKED?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- WHO LOCKED UP LAST NIGHT?
- I THINK IT WAS HIGH.
- WELL, WHERE IS HE AT?
IS HE HERE?
- I DON'T KNOW.
AAH!
****!
YOU ****!
YOU SCARED THE ****
OUT OF ME!
- WORKING AS
A COVER-UP ARTIST,
YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE
ON YOUR TOES.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN A SURPRISE
COULD JUST POP UP ON YOU.
- I DON'T KNOW.
I KIND OF LIKE SCARY ****.
MY FRIEND, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,
WAS A--
HER DAD WAS A MORTICIAN,
AND WE'D PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK
IN THE MORGUE
WHERE THE DEAD BODIES WERE.
THE BODIES WOULD BE THERE, AND
THEN THEY'D START MAKING NOISES
'CAUSE THEY'RE PUSHING
ALL THE AIR OUT,
SO IT'S LIKE, "AH,"
AND YOU'RE LIKE...
- UH-UH.
- I SWEAR,
EVERY DAY IS A SURPRISE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET THAT SWEET
LITTLE FACE OF REESE'S FOOL ME.
LET'S BE REAL.
REESE IS CREEPY.
- AMEN.
- AMEN.
- AND THE HOLY WATER.
YOU GUYS ARE FOOLS.
I AM--I'M, LIKE,
THE BIGGEST SWEETHEART.
- I THINK
I'M GONNA BOW OUT.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU? RYAN.
- RYAN.
I'M REESE. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- SO WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU
TODAY?
- WELL, I REALLY WANT TO GET
A TATTOO THAT'S PERSONAL TO ME
BUT ALSO NOT IN EVERYBODY'S FACE
AT WORK.
- SO WHERE ARE YOU THINKING
ABOUT GETTING THIS THING?
- WELL, IT'S GONNA BE
IN A PRETTY WEIRD LOCATION.
MIGHT GET A LITTLE SMELLY,
A LITTLE SWEATY.
- OH.
- YEAH.
- YOU KNOW HOW TO CHARM A GIRL,
RIGHT?
- OH, YEAH, I DO.
- SO HOW ABOUT YOU SHOW ME?
- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
- OH, YEAH, ARMPIT TIME. REALLY?
- OH, YEAH.
A MILLION SHOPS
HAVE TURNED ME AWAY
AND DID NOT WANT TO TOUCH
THIS SWEATY, SMELLY ARMPIT,
BECAUSE THE FACT
IT'S IN A SENSITIVE SPOT,
AND IF I START TO SWEAT
PROFUSELY DURING THIS TATTOO,
IT'D BE A PROBLEM FOR 'EM.
I'M SURE I WANT TO GET
THIS TATTOO,
BUT I'M NOT SURE
HOW IT'S GONNA SMELL.
- I'M GONNA TELL YOU FIRSTHAND,
YOU ARE IN A WORLD OF PAIN.
I GOTTA TELL YOU,
THAT HURT SO BAD.
YOU'RE ALREADY SWEATING, HONEY.
- YEAH.
- I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE IN FOR?
THE ARMPIT IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST
SWEAT GLANDS YOU HAVE
ON YOUR BODY,
SO IF YOU GO TOO DEEP,
YOU COULD BLOW OUT THE INK
IN THE ARMPIT
AND YOU COULD JUST SEE THE INK
JUST SPREAD UNDERNEATH,
WHICH IS HORRIBLE.
IF I'M GONNA BE IN YOUR ARMPIT
AND WE'RE GONNA
GET SWEATY TOGETHER,
YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHY
WE'RE DOING THIS.
- WELL, I'M WANTING TO GET
A SURFER
RIPPING DOWN A BARRELING WAVE.
- NICE.
- I'M FROM NORTH CAROLINA.
I GREW UP IN A SMALL, LITTLE,
COUNTRY, BEACH TOWN.
I WAS A LONER
PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
ONE DAY I SAW, YOU KNOW,
SURFING WAS ON TV.
- RIGHT ON. RIGHT ON.
- I SAW THIS GUY ON THE WATER,
AND HE WAS JUST COMPLETELY
RIPPING IT OUT THERE.
I REALIZED THAT'S
WHO I WANTED TO BE.
BOUGHT A BOARD
AND I TAUGHT MYSELF HOW TO SURF.
IT WAS JUST SUCH A STRUGGLE.
I GOT BEAT DOWN
EVERY SINGLE DAY,
BUT EVENTUALLY, I OVERCAME,
AND I ACTUALLY GOT PRETTY GOOD.
IT'S JUST PERSEVERANCE
THAT GOT ME THROUGH IT,
AND ALSO IT HELPED REMIND ME
THAT I COULD NEVER GIVE UP
ON MYSELF
FOR ANYTHING
I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT.
- AWESOME. THAT IS AWE--I WILL
HIGH-FIVE YOU RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH!
- I'M FROM SAN DIEGO,
SO I LOVE TO SURF.
I GREW UP SURFING.
BUT WHY THE ARMPIT?
- I WANT TO PROVE TO EVERYBODY
THAT TOLD ME I COULDN'T DO IT.
AND IT'S JUST GONNA REMIND ME
THAT I CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING
IN LIFE
I SET MY MIND TO.
- ABSOLUTELY, MAN.
I MEAN, IT'S A PAINFUL AREA.
LET ME SEE WHAT I CAN DRAW UP
AND GETTING YOUR ARMPIT
ALL TATTED.
THE LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY TO
TATTOO AN ARMPIT IS PRETTY HIGH.
YOU HAVE A LOT OF SWEATY THINGS
GOING ON UNDER THERE
THAT ARE JUST NOT GONNA WORK
WITH A STENCIL
AND WITH THE TIMING.
YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR TIME
IN PACKING COLOR,
YET YOU HAVE TO MOVE FAST
IN ORDER TO KEEP THAT STENCIL
ON THERE BEFORE YOU LOSE IT
BECAUSE HE SWEATS IT OFF.
HE BETTER KNOW HOW
TO HANG TEN,
BECAUSE WE GOT
A LONG WAY TO GO.
- THAT'S ONE
OF THE BEST METHODS EVER,
JUST HIT A LOT OF 'EM
AT ONCE.
- I LIVE MY LIFE BY THAT.
HEY, GUYS.
- HI.
- GOOD AFTERNOON.
HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M CLINT.
- SHANNON.
- HEY, SHANNON.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HOW YOU DOING? I'M HIGH NOON.
- HIGH NOON, NICE TO MEET YOU.
I'M SHANNON.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- SO I HAVE AN AWFUL TATTOO,
AND IT'S SO EMBARRASSING.
IT'S FAMOUSLY BAD.
IT WENT VIRAL ON THE INTERNET.
SO NOW I AM KNOWN
FOR HAVING A BAD TATTOO.
- REALLY?
- YEAH, FOR REAL?
- YEAH.
- LET'S--LET'S SEE IT.
WOW! I SEEN THAT BEFORE!
- IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
A "NO REGRETS."
IT'S NOT EVEN SPELLED RIGHT.
- "NO REGRITS."
- "NO REGRITS."
- "NO REGRRTS, NO REGRRTS."
"NO REGRRTS."
- MY TATTOO IS AWFUL
AND ENDED UP VIRAL
FOR THE WORST TATTOOS
IN AMERICA.
I WANT THE WORLD TO FORGET
ABOUT MY "NO REGRITS" TATTOO.
- THAT'S "REGRITTABLE."
- IT'S SUCH A HATEFUL SAYING
AGAINST BREAKFAST.
I MEAN, GRITS ARE AWESOME.
I LOVE GRITS.
I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW YOU WOULD REGRIT A GRIT,
BUT, I MEAN,
IT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.
- I MEAN, NOT ONLY IS
IT SPELLED WRONG,
BUT IT'S, LIKE, TOTALLY
OFF-CENTER, MAN.
- YEAH. OH, YEAH.
- IT'S, LIKE, BLOWN OUT.
- I'M SURE ONE OF US
CAN HELP YOU OUT.
- NOTHING AGAINST YOU,
BUT I WENT THE SPANISH ROUTE
THE FIRST ROUND,
AND I GOT IT SPELLED WRONG.
I'M USING THE AMERICAN.
- OH!
- OH, MAN!
DONE IN BY MY ETHNICITY.
THAT IS SO **** FUNNY.
- DON'T YOU REGRIT
WHERE YOU COME FROM.
- I'M JUST GONNA DISAPPEAR
RIGHT NOW.
- DON'T HAVE ANY REGRITS.
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT--
LET'S GO OVER HERE
AND TELL ME A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT IT.
SHANNON HAS A VERY,
VERY DIFFICULT TATTOO,
'CAUSE IT'S LETTERING,
AND LETTERING'S ALWAYS HARD
TO COVER UP.
BUT IT'S ALSO, LIKE,
EXTREMELY SCARRED.
EVEN IF YOU TATTOO OVER IT,
YOU'RE STILL GONNA BE ABLE
TO SEE SOME OF IT
BECAUSE OF THE SWELLING
THAT'S GONNA PRODUCE
AFTER YOU WORK ON IT.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD IT?
- I'VE HAD IT FOR SIX YEARS.
- SIX YEARS?
- SIX YEARS. YES.
AND IT'S BEEN THE WORST
SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE,
AS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
A TRIBUTE TO MY MOM.
AND NOW IT'S JUST
A LIVING JOKE.
- IS SHE NOT WITH US ANYMORE?
- SHE PASSED AWAY
A FEW YEARS AGO.
- DAMN, THAT SUCKS.
SO WHAT KIND OF IDEAS YOU GOT?
- DEFINITELY WANT TO STICK
WITH A TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER.
- OKAY.
- SHE WAS A VERY STRONG PERSON,
AND ELEPHANTS ARE
SUCH A STRONG ANIMAL...
- YEAH.
- SO I REALLY WANT
AN ADULT ELEPHANT LEADING
A BABY ELEPHANT
JUST TO SHOW HOW TIGHT-KNIT
WE WERE
AND ME FOLLOWING
IN HER FOOTSTEPS.
- TELL YOU WHAT--WHY DON'T
WE GO BACK TO THE STATION?
AND WE'LL JUST SEE
IF WE CAN'T GET THIS GOING.
LET'S GO.
- ALL RIGHTY.
- THAT'S A RARITY THAT YOU HAVE
A TATTOO THAT'S SO BAD
THAT IT'S ACTUALLY FAMOUS
FOR BEING BAD.
SO I WANT TO GIVE HER SOMETHING
THAT'S GONNA BE
BOTH A MEMORIAL TATTOO,
AND AT THE SAME TIME,
I WANT TO GIVE HER
A BRAND-NEW PIECE OF ART
THAT CAN STAND ALONE BY ITSELF.
THIS IS BASICALLY
HOW HIGH I CAN GO,
SO THAT DOESN'T GIVE ME
MUCH ROOM TO PLAY.
EVERYTHING I DO
HAS TO BE DOWN.
HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN?
- HOW'S IT GOING?
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
- I'M BRUCE.
- AWESOME, MY NAME'S HIGH NOON.
YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY?
- YES, AND I JUST HAVE A TATTOO
THAT'S SO INAPPROPRIATE,
AND I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN.
I JUST NEED IT COVERED UP.
- HOW INAPPROPRIATE, LIKE--
- PROBABLY CLOSE TO RATED R.
- OH, MAN, SOMETHING
TELLS ME I'M GONNA REGRET THIS,
BUT LET ME--LET ME SEE
WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH.
- OKAY.
- SUCH A COMEDIAN.
THAT'S A BEAR GRABBING
HIS JUNK, RIGHT?
- ON MY 18TH BIRTHDAY, I GOT A
PRESENT THAT I NEVER ASKED FOR.
I MADE ONE HUGE MISTAKE WHEN
I WENT IN TO BUY A PAIR OF SHOES
AND WALKED OUT WITH THIS BEAR
GRABBING HIS CROTCH.
AND I'VE NEVER BEEN THE SAME
SINCE.
- THAT BEAR IS REALLY
GETTING IN THERE, MAN.
THIS TATTOO DEFINITELY RUBS ME
THE WRONG WAY, MAN.
THIS IS--HOW LONG
HAS THIS BEEN ON YOU?
- 18 YEARS.
- AND IT'S STILL REALLY DARK
AND BOLD, MAN.
- YEAH.
- THAT'S A REAL CHALLENGE
TO GO AHEAD AND CLEAR THAT UP.
LET ME BRING YOU TO MY STATION.
- OKAY.
- OTHER THAN BEING
COMPLETELY OFFENSIVE,
THE FACE OF THE ANIMAL IS LIKE
A DARK MASS OF JUST INK.
THIS TATTOO IS GONNA BE A BEAR
TO COVER UP.
- I'VE ALWAYS DREADED
MY KIDS ACTUALLY SEEING IT
AND HAVING TO EXPLAIN
WHAT THIS BEAR IS DOING.
- OH, YEAH. YOU'RE A FAMILY MAN.
YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT.
YOU KNOW?
- EXACTLY.
- SO WHAT ARE YOU THINKING
ABOUT COVERING IT UP WITH?
- I'M THINKING ABOUT DOING
A PTERODACTYL PROTECTING EGGS.
'CAUSE, LIKE,
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,
I REALLY LIKED DINOSAURS
AND STUFF,
AND THEY'RE VERY PROTECTIVE
OF THEIR YOUNG, SO...
- SOUNDS LIKE
A PRETTY AWESOME IDEA, MAN.
I'M A FATHER,
SO I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE REALLY PROTECTIVE.
LET ME PUT SOMETHING TO PAPER.
- OKAY.
- AND WE'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE.
- SOUNDS GOOD.
- REALISM DOESN'T HAVE
ANY LINE WORK IN IT,
SO I HAVE TO FIND OUT A WAY
TO JUST COVER EVERYTHING UP
WITH SHADING.
IT'S GONNA BE A REAL CHALLENGE
TO COVER THIS ONE UP.
THIS IS A TOUGH ONE, MAN.
THIS BEAR HAS NO RESPECT
FOR ANYBODY.
- OKAY, SO I DREW SOMETHING
FOR YOU
THAT WOULD LOOK AWESOME...
- OKAY.
IN YOUR PIT, OKAY?
- YEAH.
- ARE YOU READY?
- OH, I'M READY.
- YOU WANNA SEE THIS?
- MM-HMM.
- OKAY.
- HOLY ****, DUDE.
THAT'S SICK.
- YOU--YOU STOKED ON IT?
- OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.
I LOVE THAT.
- SINCE THIS TATTOO
ISN'T A COVER-UP,
THE ARTWORK IS THE EASY PART.
THIS TATTOO IS GONNA BE
A RACE AGAINST TIME
BEFORE HE SWEATS OFF
THE ENTIRE STENCIL.
AND WE START.
- ALL RIGHT.
- IT'S ALSO
A REALLY SENSITIVE AREA,
SO I NEED TO FINISH BEFORE
HIS ARMPIT GETS TOO SWOLLEN.
JUST CHILLAX...
- YEAH.
- AND WE'RE GONNA GET
THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.
THIS IS DEFINITELY A NO-JOKE
KIND OF TATTOOING.
OH, MAN, I AM SWIMMING
IN THIS GUY'S ARMPIT SWEAT.
HIS STENCIL IS A MESS, AND HE'S
ALREADY STARTING TO GET SWOLLEN.
I CAN ALREADY TELL THIS IS GONNA
BE ONE LONG, DISGUSTING DAY.
NIGHTMARE FOR ME.
NIGHTMARE FOR YOU.
OH, MAN.
I'M STARTING TO REALLY LOSE
MY STENCIL.
- OH, ****.
- OH, MAN. I'M STARTING
TO REALLY LOSE IT.
THIS IS DEFINITELY A NO-JOKE
KIND OF TATTOOING.
THIS GUY IS SO SWEATY,
I CAN BARELY SEE MY STENCIL.
I KNOW I'M GONNA BE FIGHTING
THIS THING ALL DAY LONG.
YOUR ARMPIT IS SO SWEATY AND
GROSS, IT'S JUST A MESS IN HERE.
ALL THIS AREA THAT
I'VE ALREADY TATTOOED,
I'VE GOTTA GO BACK TO IT,
UNFORTUNATELY, OKAY?
- DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
- WE'RE GONNA GET IT IN TODAY,
BROTHER.
- NO, MANNING UP.
- ARE YOU READY?
- I AM SO READY.
I LOVE IT.
IT IS PERFECT.
I'M JUST REALLY NERVOUS,
BECAUSE EVERY TIME
I LOOK AT MY TATTOO,
IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL
HOW IT SHOULD.
IT SHOULD BE A TRIBUTE
TO MY MOTHER, AND INSTEAD,
IT JUST BRINGS ME BACK
TO A HORRIBLE DRUNKEN NIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT, SHANNON, HOW DID
YOU END UP WITH "NO REGRRTS"
ON YOUR BACK?
- WELL, GROWING UP,
I WAS THE PERFECT KID,
AND MY MOM WAS MY BEST FRIEND.
- YOUNG LADY,
YOU KNOW MY MOTTO.
NO REGRETS!
- SHE TAUGHT ME TO LIVE LIFE
TO THE FULLEST.
WHEN I WAS 18, MY MOM WAS
DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER,
AND IT HIT ME REALLY HARD
WHEN SHE PASSED AWAY.
- I KNOW, MOM,
NO REGRETS.
STILL SUCKS, THOUGH.
- I FIGURED GETTING "NO REGRETS"
TATTOOED ON MY BODY
WOULD HELP ME ALWAYS REMEMBER
MY MOM'S MOTTO.
SO I GRABBED MY FRIEND
AND WENT TO THE FIRST
TATTOO SHOP THAT WE COULD FIND.
AS SOON AS WE GOT TO THE SHOP,
THERE WERE ALL THESE GUYS
SMOKING, DRINKING,
AND PARTYING.
IT WAS JUST OUR KIND OF VIBE
FOR THE NIGHT.
- JUST YOUR KIND OF VIBE?
- THEY STARTED FLIRTING WITH US
THE MOMENT WE WALKED IN.
- WE'RE OPEN ALL NIGHT LONG
FOR YOU, BABY!
- WE ONLY HAD 50 BUCKS,
AND WE BOTH WANTED TATTOOS.
THEY AGREED TO IT
AS LONG AS WE PAID UP FRONT
AND PARTIED WITH THEM.
- YOU'RE GONNA STRETCH
THAT 50 BUCKS.
- YEAH, OH, YEAH.
SO WE GRABBED A DRINK,
STARTED PARTYING,
AND I PICKED OUT MY FONT.
NO REGRETS!
- BY THE TIME MY TATTOO
WAS FINISHED,
THE OTHER ARTIST
RUNS IN THE DOOR.
HE'S SCREAMING.
HE SAYS, "THIS DEAL IS OFF."
- WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR GIRL?
SHE AIN'T DOWN NOW?
- "WE ARE NOT DOING
THIS TATTOO.
SHE WON'T EVEN
HOOK UP WITH ME."
- OBVIOUSLY,
THE $50 WASN'T ENOUGH.
THEY WANTED SOMETHING OUT--
MORE OUT OF IT.
I WAS SO PANICKED,
THE CLOSEST THING I COULD FIND
WAS THE SHOP PHONE.
SO I PICKED IT UP,
THREW IT AT THE ARTIST...
- DUCK! NO REGRETS!
- WHOA!
- YOU HIT THE GUY
WITH HIS OWN PHONE?
- I DID.
- COME ON, LET'S GO!
- WE RAN OUT, GOT INTO OUR CARS,
WENT STRAIGHT HOME,
AND PASSED OUT.
THE NEXT MORNING I REALIZED
I NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT MY TATTOO
WITH ALL THE CHAOS GOING ON.
I HAD A STAGE FOUR MELTDOWN.
- COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.
YOU COULD HAVE WOKE UP
WITH A BABY.
AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
LOOK AT NOON,
"AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT."
I'LL HAVE YOUR BABY, NOON.
- HOW'S IT GOING OVER HERE?
- I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE
MY LANDMARKS EVERYWHERE.
'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY LOST
SOME OF IT,
SO I'M JUST--
- OH, YEAH, HE'S BEEN A BAD BOY
SWEATING ALL OVER THE PLACE,
HUH?
- YEAH, HE'S BEEN SWEATING.
- MAN, THAT STENCIL
IS LOOKING WRECKED.
TRUST ME,
I KNOW FIRSTHAND,
THIS IS WHY ARMPIT TATTOOS
ARE SO RISKY.
I FEEL LIKE REESE IS JUST
FREESTYLING AT THIS POINT.
AND HOW YOU HOLDING UP, MAN?
- OH, MAN,
THIS **** HURTS.
- WELL, THEN LET ME
GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR.
- YEAH, GET OUT OF MY HAIR, MAN.
I'M TRYING TO FINISH THIS.
- I WHIPPED THIS UP,
AND THIS IS THE IMAGE
THAT I CAME UP WITH.
- I REALLY LIKE THAT.
I DEFINITELY LOVE IT.
- AWESOME.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- AWESOME.
- THE TATTOO THAT
HIGH NOON DREW UP FOR ME
IS JUST ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
BUT LAST TIME
I TRUSTED AN ARTIST,
I ENDED UP
WITH A MOLESTING BEAR.
SO I'M REALLY NERVOUS
ABOUT IT.
- ALL RIGHT, MAN, HOW DID YOU
END UP WITH THIS NASTY BEAR?
- WELL, IT WAS
MY 18TH BIRTHDAY,
AND, YOU KNOW, MY FRIENDS AND I
DECIDED WE'D GO OUT
TO DO SOME CLOTHES SHOPPING.
DECIDED WE NEEDED
A NEW PAIR OF SHOES TOO.
SO WE ENDED UP
GOING INTO THIS SHOE STORE.
WE GO IN, AND--AND THERE WAS
JUST A COUPLE EMPTY BOXES.
- LOOKS LIKE WE MISSED
A BIG SALE, HUH?
- IT WAS JUST A BARBER CHAIR
IN ONE CORNER.
- IN A SHOE STORE?
- IN A SHOE STORE.
THEN THIS BIG, BURLY GUY
COMES OUT...
- WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?
- AND WE SAID,
"WE'RE HERE
TO GET SOME SHOES."
HE SAID, "NO, THE SHOE STORE
IS CLOSED," AND...
- WELCOME TO MY TATTOO SHOP!
- OH, OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT, SO WHO'S GONNA BE
MY FIRST CUSTOMER? HUH?
- OH, NO.
- YEAH.
- IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY.
I COULDN'T CHICKEN OUT.
- YOU GOTTA DO IT, MAN.
- OH, I SEE.
IT'S A PEER PRESSURE THING.
OKAY, I'LL DO IT.
- SO I PICKED OUT THIS BEAR
THROWING A PEACE SIGN.
- THAT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE
A PEACE SIGN TO ME.
- AS WE FINISHED UP
WITH THE TATTOO,
THE ARTIST STARTED LAUGHING.
WHAT'S SO--WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
OH!
- INSTEAD OF THE BEAR
THROWING THE PEACE SIGN,
HE'S GOT A BEAR
GRABBING HIMSELF.
HE THOUGHT IT WAS
THE FUNNIEST THING.
- I'M THINKING I'D MAKE HIM
GRABBING HIMSELF.
YOU KNOW, GRABBING
THAT BEAR JUNK!
- LOOK AT THAT.
HE'S REALLY DIGGING IN.
- I WAS HORRIFIED WHEN I SAW
WHAT MY ARM LOOKED LIKE.
AND THE WHOLE TIME, MY FRIENDS,
THEY WERE ALL LAUGHING AT ME.
- I GUESS THAT'S OKAY.
I GUESS.
- SO MY BUDDY,
HE JUST WENT AND PAID,
AND WE JUST HURRIED UP
AND GOT OUT OF THERE.
- AS A FATHER MYSELF,
I KNOW THIS IS NOT AN IMAGE
THAT YOU CAN SHOW YOUR KIDS,
SO I'M GONNA TRY MY BEST, MAN,
TO MAKE THIS BEAR HISTORY, BRO.
- ****.
- THIS IS MIND OVER MATTER.
YOU'RE ALMOST--
- OH, ****.
- YOU OKAY?
- YEAH. THE ARMPIT
IS TENDER NOW, DUDE.
- WITH HIS ARMPIT SO SWOLLEN,
I HAVE TO BE SO CAREFUL
ON HOW THE TISSUE'S REACTING,
SO I DON'T BLOW THIS THING OUT
AND RUIN IT.
- I HAD TO PICK
THE WORST SPOTS EVER.
ABSOLUTELY.
- IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO DEAL WITH THE SWELLING,
I MAY NOT BE ABLE
TO GET THROUGH THIS.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE REALLY SWOLLEN.
- I'M ON FIRE.
AH.
- BREATHE.
BREATHE, BROTHER, BREATHE.
- YOU'RE REALLY SWOLLEN.
- THAT ARMPIT
IS ALMOST DEAD NOW.
- THIS GUY'S ARMPIT
IS SO SWOLLEN,
I GOTTA FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO FIX THIS,
OR WE'RE DEFINITELY
NOT MAKING IT.
WHAT'D YOU GET YOURSELF INTO,
MAN?
- OH, I HATE MY LIFE.
- I AM GOING TO SPRAY A LITTLE
SOMETHING ON YOU REALLY QUICK.
AT THIS POINT, IT'S JUST TOO
HARD TO GO FORWARD WITH THIS.
I GOTTA SPRAY HIM DOWN
WITH ANTI-INFLAMMATORY SOLUTION
AND JUST HOPE THAT
THE SWELLING GOES DOWN.
GET UP FOR ME.
- THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO, HONEY.
MAYBE GETTING SOME BLOOD
BACK IN THERE MIGHT HELP OUT.
- ALL RIGHT, BROTHER,
WE ARE DONE.
- I'M VERY, VERY ANXIOUS
TO SEE THIS TATTOO,
BECAUSE I WANT TO BE
A PROPER ROLE MODEL FOR MY KIDS.
I DON'T WANT THEM
TO THINK LESS OF ME.
- ALL RIGHT,
THEN I WILL STEP ASIDE
AND LET YOU
TAKE A LOOK AT IT, BRO.
- OH, MY GOD.
IT LOOKS SO GOOD.
- THAT DIRTY BEAR
IS GONE FOR GOOD, BRO.
- I AM SO HAPPY.
MY FAVORITE PART
OF THE NEW TATTOO IS
THE DETAIL ON THE NEST
AND THE EGGS, EACH LITTLE STICK.
I DEFINITELY WILL BE ABLE
TO MOVE FORWARD NOW.
I CAN BE A PROPER ROLE MODEL
FOR MY KIDS.
MY KIDS ARE GONNA BE SO EXCITED
TO SEE THIS.
- I HAD TO PLACE THE EYE
OF THE PTERODACTYL
RIGHT SMACK IN THE CENTER.
USED HEAVY, HEAVY SHADING
TO GET RID OF MOST OF THAT BEAR.
WELL, GO SHOW
THAT THING OFF, MAN.
- OKAY. SOUNDS GOOD.
- LET THAT PTERODACTYL FLY.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- YOU CAN'T SEE THAT BEAR
AT ALL, MAN.
I RUBBED THAT BEAR OUT FOR GOOD.
- I JUST GOT MY NEW TATTOO.
- IT'S LOOKING GOOD,
SO THAT'S AWESOME.
ALL RIGHTY, HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT, MAN.
I AM DONE.
OUT OF YOUR ARMPIT.
- THAT'S THE WORST PAIN
I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
- TODAY HAS BEEN A LONG DAY
FOR ALL OF US,
FROM HIS STENCIL MELTING AWAY
TO HIS SWOLLEN ARMPIT.
I JUST HOPE THIS WHOLE THING
WAS WORTH IT
AND HE LOVES HIS TATTOO.
GO AHEAD AND TURN.
- HOLY ****, DUDE!
MAN, THAT'S AWESOME. THANK YOU.
- YEAH.
- I'M DUMBFOUNDED RIGHT NOW.
THE DETAILS IN THE WATER
ARE INSANE.
THE REFLECTION OF THE SURFER
ON THE WATER IS AMAZING.
I'M SPEECHLESS, REALLY.
- YOU'RE LIKE A POP-UP BOOK NOW,
YOU KNOW?
AND SO THAT'S, LIKE,
THE BEST PART.
I HAD TO MAKE SURE THAT
THE PLACEMENT WAS CORRECT.
THE TIDAL WAVE NEEDED TO LAND
DIRECTLY INTO THE ARMPIT
IN ORDER FOR IT TO LOOK RIGHT.
- THIS IS AWESOME. THIS IS THE
BEST TATTOO I'VE EVER GOTTEN.
- OH.
- THE MOST PAINFUL, BUT--
- I BET. I KNOW.
- BUT THIS IS AMAZING.
I'M SHOWING IT TO EVERYBODY.
I'M FLYING THAT THING PROUDLY.
BEING I MADE IT
THROUGH THIS WHOLE TATTOO,
I CAN DO ANYTHING
I SET MY MIND TO NOW.
- ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART,
I THINK WE'RE DONE.
- I HOPE THAT WHEN
I LOOK AT MY NEW TATTOO
I CAN THINK OF MY MOTHER
AND KNOW THAT SHE IS ALWAYS
STILL THERE WATCHING OVER ME
AS MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.
- GIVE IT A GO.
- OH, MY GOD.
I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
IT LOOKS AWESOME.
THE "NO REGRETS"
CAN'T EVEN BE SEEN.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- OH, IT'S GONE, SWEETHEART.
- IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME
AND MY MOM.
I KNOW SHE'D BE SO PROUD
RIGHT NOW.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MY TATTOO.
HAVING THE TWO ELEPHANTS,
WITH THE BABY ELEPHANT
AND THE MOM ELEPHANT,
IT ABSOLUTELY RESEMBLES ME
AND MY MOTHER'S RELATIONSHIP.
IF SHE WAS HERE,
SHE'D BE RIGHT BY MY SIDE.
SHE'S NOT THAT EMBARRASSMENT
ONLINE ANYMORE.
- NO. THE "REGRITS" IS GONE.
- IT IS GONE.
- I JUST REALLY PLAYED WITH
MY LIGHT SOURCES ON THIS PIECE,
AND I MADE SURE THAT I GAVE IT
A LITTLE BIT DARKER SHADOWS
ON THE TOP AND BOTTOM.
THAT KIND OF MASKED THE OLD
TATTOO WITHOUT IT LOOKING LIKE
I JUST TRIED TO THROW STRAIGHT
BLACK OVER THE TOP OF IT.
- I JUST LOVE
THE ENTIRE LAYOUT.
LIKE, FROM AFAR,
IT LOOKS LIKE AN ELEPHANT,
FROM UP CLOSE,
IT LOOKS LIKE THREE.
- I LOVE EVERYTHING
ABOUT MY TATTOO,
BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IS HOW IT ACTUALLY
PAYS TRIBUTE TO MY MOM.
I WILL BE ABLE TO LOOK AT IT
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
AND KNOW THAT SHE'S ALWAYS
WATCHING OVER ME.
THAT'S WHY I WANTED
THIS TATTOO.
- OOH! SHE WAS CUTE.
- HEY, WHEN SHE CHOSE CLINT
OVER ME, MAN, IT WAS, YOU KNOW--
- YEAH, I'M NOT EVEN GETTING
IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT ONE.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, DUDE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, MAN.
- YEAH, HUG IT OUT, GUYS.
HUG IT OUT, GUYS!
- JUST LET IT BE KNOWN,
YOU CAN'T TOUCH
THIS TEXAS SWAG.
THE FIN ALWAYS DOES 'EM IN.
- AND ON THAT NOTE...
- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
- GOOD-BYE.
WHO WANTS TO PLAY
HIDE-AND-SEEK?
- SERIOUSLY, I MEAN,
DEAD BODIES, REALLY?
- OH, I KNOW.
COME ON NOW.