Taskmaster (2015–…): Season 8, Episode 7 - This Is Trevor - full transcript

Can the contestants pick the Pink Ladies? Can they do something powerful with their pinkies? The taskmaster intends to find out.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
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HE GASPS

HOOTER GOES OFF

HE YELLS

YELLING AND SHRIEKING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes. Hello.

Thank you and welcome to Taskmaster

and a warm welcome it is, too,
because I am in a very good mood.

There's going to be
some very generous scoring today,

lots of positivity,
no harsh judgements,

loads of extra bonus points.



And what I've just described is
a dream I had last night.

I woke up in a cold sweat
and I've been furious ever since.

I'm so full of hate!

So please welcome and pity
Iain Stirling.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Joe Thomas.

Lou Sanders.

Paul Sinha.

And Sian Gibson.

And here by my side is
a biological enigma

with exactly 30% fewer bones
than the average person.

It's the floppy little Alex Horne.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It's true. That's actually true.

Hi, Greg. Hi. How are you? Fine.
How am I? Yeah - wearing.



I'll tell you what I'm wearing.

I'm wearing a newly modified
assistant's coat

with a rehydration function.

And if you can see in there,
there's a pouch with a little tube

that goes up there, comes out here,

so at any point you can have
a little drink of squash.

You need to keep hydrated
because of your skin. OK.

LAUGHTER
Keep sucking.

Keep sucking.

Good. And now dilute with the water.
Dilute... Fucking hell.

Dilute with the water.

That's it. Yeah.

Fuck.

I mean, you know - eight series, that
is the first funny thing you've done.

Look how pleased he is with himself.

I did a thing and he likes it.
He did a thing.

Right, let's press on.
Price Task. Let's get on with it.

Yes, today it features
my favourite word

because they have to bring in
the best slippery thing.

Want to know my favourite
slippery thing, Greg? No.

So the person that brings in the
best slippery thing gets five points

and at the end of the show
the person with the most points

will take home
all five slippery things -

if they can hold onto them.

OK, Sian - Sian Gibson. What slippery
thing have you brought in?

Slippers. Here they are.
They are memory foam slippers.

They are amazing because I've just
discovery memory foam. Yeah?

It's like walking on little clouds.
Oh, lovely. Mm.

Do you know what the category was?
Something slippery.

'Slip... So, purely,
it's got the words... Slipper.
..slipper in it, has it?

Yeah. Try and justify it
before I put you in last place.

I don't know how more slippery you
can get than a pair of slippers.

In Sian's defence,
I do think they are slip-ons. OK.

All right, so they're more slippery
than I thought.

I've still got a bad feeling
about your ranking.

Sian's opened the batting.
Who's next? Iain?

It's an alien in an egg. Here it is.
The alien in the egg.

From the '90s.

It's good. It's got
like slippery gunky stuff.

And there's a little slippery...
Can we see inside it?

Yes, I can introduce you
to the inside. There we go.

Ah! The bad news for you, Iain, is
that I was a teacher in the '90s,

presumably when you were a child,

and I confiscated
many an alien capsule.

And then kept them
and made your own world.

Never mind what I did with them.

The point is I'm fairly certain
they were sticky, not slippery.

'They're definitely more slippery
than a slipper.
I am in agreement with you on that.

Lou? Can you beat an alien
or a slipper?

Well, have you heard of the phrase
slip-sliding around?

Simon and Garfunkel song? Mm.
More or less.

Add Nasty Nick to that,
a slippery character,

and voila.

It's a... It's a slippy old slide
with Nasty Nick on top of it.

It is slippery and she's used
a double meaning for slippery. Mm.

Nasty Nick was
a very slippery character.

Yes. They said, "He worms his way
into people's confidentiality."

That's the description from
the very first episode. Slippery.

What a slippery character!

Who's next? Paul?
What could be more slippery,

and I spent a lot of money on this,
than a banana skin?

There it is.

Legendarily slippy.
Old school slippy.

Most slippery food product
you will ever eat.

And then I thought,
you've heard of banoffee pie,

the portmanteau
of banana and toffee.

So I've gone for ban-jelly pie.

OK. Here's ban-jelly pie.
Ban-jelly pie!

He's not finished yet, Greg.

I mean, I'm already slipping
all over the place.

To make it even more slippery...
Yeah?

..I've added a pair of slippers.

What?!
APPLAUSE

He's a Chaser. Duality of meaning.

Slippery can mean slippy
and can mean "like slippers".

Why are you only just piping up now?
Why didn't you say this before?

He's upped the game.
He's taken your slippers

and raised it a jelly
and a banana skin. I know!

It's looking good for Paul Sinha.

Er, Joe... Really? Yeah.
Yeah, really, yeah.

Hi, Joe. Hello.

Soap.

Five points.

There is the soap.

There's no way that...

It's classic.
It's classically slippery.

Yeah, I certainly think of soap
as being slippery

but if we can just eke this chat out
for a few more seconds... Yeah.

Er... Soap, soap, soapy, soapy,
soap, soap.

If you like soap so much,
Nasty Nick is a soap character,

so it works on three levels.

AUDIENCE: Ah!
Thank... Thank you.

Thank you. She's got a point.
She's a got a point.

Yeah.

You've seen all five
slippery things. Yes, please.

Do you want to judge? Yes, please.

I'm going to give Sian's slippers
two points,

just because there was only one level
of slipperiness

and that's her feet slipping in
to her non-sticky slippers. OK.

Erm, just because it gave me
happy memories of the '90s

and confiscating toys off children,
I'll give Iain three points.

OK. Three to Iain.

And you're not going to believe
this but I am going to do it.

I am going to give four points
to the banana king.

'But soap is such a slippery
substance, I'm going to give them
four points, Joe and Paul.

Which means that Lou gets
either one or five. That's right.

And I thought I'd leave that
as an exciting... Mm.

Drum roll at the end.

'So many levels of slippy -
five points. Five points to Lou!
CHEERING

OK. Task Time. It is.

And it's a puzzling one with fruit
and bowls and things. Here we go.

Hello, mate. Hello.

Oh, you sneaky sausage.

Do you want me to...? Yes, please.

Ah. OK.

I wouldn't. No? Oh.

Oh, I'm going to love this.

"Find the pink ladies."

"If you touch or move a bowl,
you must turn it over."

So I can't touch or move one.

Oh, but I can look underneath.

"If you find the green egg
you are disqualified."

No, no, no, no.
The task is on the bench.

Oh, the task is on...

Remember the task?
I remember about the task, yeah.

Erm...

Most pink ladies wins.
You have ten minutes.

Your time starts now.
I don't understand.

If you touch or move a bowl
you must turn it over.

So I just turn all the bowls over?

"Find the pink ladies."
APPLAUSE

So there's not much to say.
Pretty straightforward.

My only observations are, Sian saw
some upturned bowls on some benches

and said,
"Oh, I am going to love this."

And, I mean, I've...

I can't imagine why.

It's party time.

# Boop! #

Erm... And secondly, the phrase
sneaky sausage - simply unacceptable.

OK, we're going to let Iain and Joe
have a go first.

It's the Needy Guys.

You can't... Whoa!

I nearly feel and hurt myself then.

It feels a bit pervy,
looking up at the bowl.

I mean, I don't know
if that's what you're meant to do.

I mean, I don't know -
I'm just going to do this.

'Oh, I see. The pink...
Right, OK. Well, that's one.

'They're apples. Of course.

Oh! Is pink ladies an apple?

Oh-ho! Sussed it, son!

'That is actually...
That's working quite well, actually.

Huh!

That is a pink lady!

That one, I can't see it. For what
it's worth, I think that's...

The oranges are just...
That's just a non-event? OK.

Well, I mean, is it...? Well.

OK, yeah, right, fine.
I'm telling you.

'It's a pink lady.

'Oh, no! You have to turn that one
over.

'No. You have to. You touched it.

If that's a green egg...

Pink lady!

Yeah. That's three.

Pink lady.

'On that one it says,
"Look at the cow." Right.

What cow? Look at the cow?

Which word is he struggling with?
Well, I suppose it's cow.

"Look at the back of the clipboard."

Is this looking at the cow?

Is it your clipboard?

Oh, my God.

"Look on the other side of the cow."

For fuck's sake!

"There are five pink ladies."
That's not any use to me!

Oh!

I've got them.
There are five pink ladies.

I've got five,
so I think I'm finished.

WHISTLE BLOWS
Thank you, Joe. Thanks a lot.

'Do you want to showboat
by opening the other two?
I really want to showboat.

Ah, OK. Interesting.

What have you found?
I've found a little grid here.

There's a diagram. I think that's
another satsuma in the middle.

And that's the green egg.

Oh, no!

Oh!

Right.

I want to showboat.
I'm doing it, I'm doing it.

What did I say? That one?

Fuck it.

Arrgh!

Damn it! Yeah, it's a shame.

Honestly, I had to.

Once the idea was there,
you have to do it.

'What happened?
I was convinced I was going
to come across as like a genius.

Sadly, not to be.

Yeah, I'm afraid he is disqualified
from the task. Ah!

Get in!
LAUGHTER

Joe, you seem to feel guilty
about perving on an apple. Yeah.

And I would say,
despite the dithering,

he found all five pink ladies
and succeeded.

And later on he found the pattern
as well

but by then he'd succeeded
in completing the task.

Well, maybe he's my Hugh Grant-esque
strategy expert? Yes.

Hello. It is the end of part one.

Iain's off to a terrible start.
Can he claw it back from here?

Will anyone else find the green egg?
Find out in part two!

CHEERING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.

I like what you've all done
with your hair.

Now, what was happening
before the break, Alex?

Well, that's one great question,
Greg. Spot on. Cheers, mate.

Well, the current task involves them
trying to find five pink lady apples

underneath nine bowls.

But if they find the green egg,
it's game over.

'Next it's Paul Sinha
and the pink lady herself,
Lou Sanders.

How many pink ladies are there?
Good question.

Eight? OK. Are there?

Huh! I can't tell you that. Right.

'One pink lady.

You see the temptation is
to stick at one.

The temptation is to assume

that others will go hell for leather

trying to accumulate
as many pink ladies as possible

and eventually have the green egg.

I can't see that one.
Eight and nine is 72...

Eight and nine and seven... 56.

What is a pink lady?

It is an apple.

A pink lady's an apple, Alex.

It's not a pink lady.

It's not a green egg.
This changes the odds.

That's an apple, babe.

'It's an apple!

'That's another pink lady.

'There you go.

"Look at the cow."

336.

Nine times eight times seven is 336.
Over 504.

That's 65% chance of being right
three times in a row.

'And I'm sticking.
"There are five pink ladies."

'How many apples are there
altogether? Five.

How many more have you got to find?
Two. Good.

OK. Is there a formation?

Oh! This one, this one, this one.

Ten seconds.

'There's more, there's more.

'There's more indicators.

WHISTLE BLOWS
Well, Lou, you found the pattern.

Well done, Lou. Four.
Not bad, actually.

Oh, there it is as well!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Oh, yes.

Another incredible contrast, I think,
between two styles of approach.

Paul's, some master chess player,

after the initial wild grab,
of course.

That's what I'm famous for.
Yeah. The old Sinha wild grab.

But then he started calculating odds.

Contrast that with Lou shouting,
"That's an apple, babe!"

Paul didn't fail the test,
like Iain. He got two.

Lou did better than him, right? Yes.
She got twice as many apples.

Running around like a child,
she got twice as many.

She also spotted the grid. Spotted
the grid - spotted it too late.

Yes, spotted it too late. Yeah.
Yup. Good.

One left.
Yes, there is Sian Gibson left.

Ready? Yes.

Erm...

I'm just going to turn one over.

'I found a pink lady!

'OK. So I'm just going to randomly
guess which are pink ladies?

Is that your method, is it? Yeah.

'Oh, my God! I'm good at this.

Oh - tangerine.

'I'm Derren Brown-ing it.

Satsuma.

What's going on?

I don't trust it.

AUDIENCE GROAN

That's... Oh, I've got
to open it now, haven't I?

That's the egg. You have touched it,
I'm afraid. That's the egg. Is it?

Yeah.

AUDIENCE GROAN

Is that it? Game over?

APPLAUSE

'Did you think that the task was,
"Randomly guess
where some apples are?"

Do you know how much work
he has to put into these tasks?

If he came to me with that and said,
"This is called Random Apple Guess,"

I'd physically attack him. Again.

I once went to see a clairvoyant
and he said I had a gift.

LOU GASPS

LAUGHTER

And I really thought that I was
just channelling pink ladies.

Yeah. And you knew when you touched
the bowl that the egg was in...

I knew it was in. You knew it was
the egg. Ah! Nil points. Oh!

Paul gets three points,
Lou four points, Joe five points!

Hooray!
CHEERING

I think we'll get a little scoreboard
update, please.

OK, well, I'm afraid Sian has got
minimal points - two points so far.

But Joe and Lou are in the lead
with nine points! Hooray!

Bring me another task, please.
I will bring you another task.

And you've guessed it -
I've been modelling again.

LAUGHTER

CROW CAWS

Hmm.

Come in. Hi, Alex.

Who is it? It's Joe Thomas.

From The Inbetweeners?
Er, yeah.

How are you? Good. How are you?

Yeah. Yes.

Littlehornes 2019 Catalogue.
That's me.

Sexy. Mm. Dream boy.

"Choose an outfit
that the contestant

"whose first name comes after yours
alphabetically must wear

"throughout a future task."

L-M. We're looking for an M.

It doesn't have to be directly after
yours in the alphabet.

So L, M, N, O, P.
Paul Sinha, for example.

Erm... Lou, no. Joe, no.

Iain, no. Well, it is Iain
because there's no-one after you.

Oh! You could have just said that.
I could have.

"You have two minutes
to make your choice."

"Your time starts now."

J. Yeah, there's a contestant
called Joe.

Oh, yeah! It's Lou, then.
Yeah, it's Lou Sanders. OK. Yeah.

Do you know who you're choosing for?

I believe
it's the lovely Sian Gibson.

Plenty of time. I like this because
he's not got a top on in that one.

And you'd like to see Joe's chest?
I'd like to see his chest. OK.

So, boxer, Santa...
I think maybe the chef

but I specify
that she must wear the mitts.

Does he have to have the hook on
at all times?

I'm not going to be sadistic
and make her struggle with the task

because she's wearing
a pirate's hook.

A sexy pirate. Or, no, a convict.

'Is they're anything
you're hoping to avoid
if the same thing happens to you?

The boxing gloves
and the pirate outfit.

And that's my final answer.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Lovely. So presumably they based
their choice of costume

on their knowledge of the person
they were picking for. Yes.

Paul said he wasn't going to be
sadistic, which was lovely.

I couldn't do it. Very nice.
That's really sweet. Thanks.

Whereas Iain said,
"I want to see his chest."

So were you attempting to hamper
Lou's progress with the mitts?

Well, a little bit, yeah.
I mean, I sort of...

What a nasty little snake.

I er... Yeah.

Can we have a look? We can see
what they're all wearing now.

This is how they turned out
for a future task.

Hello. How do you feel
about the outfit? I love it.

Arrr!

Me hearties. Lovely.

Hello. Oh, there you are.
Yes, here I am.

Are you happy with the choice
they've made for you?

Erm... I wanted boxer.

Why did you want boxer? I think I'd
be better at hitting than cooking.

Hi, Joe. You all right?

Can I have a...? Yes. Yeah? Yeah.

Oh, hello, Paul.
Heston Blumenthal, actually.

I put the buckle on back to front.
Oh.

"I".

For Iain. For Iain - see?

IMITATES A DEEP SANTA VOICE
Have you been a good boy? Always.

You're on my nice list.

Can you open the task, please, Joe?
Mm-hm.

'"Correctly, wearing
your complete outfit, identify
the flavours of these clisps."

Is it worth you reading the word
"crisps" correctly?

Crisps. What did I say?
I think you put an L in it.

Clisps. Clisps. Clisps.

"Closest guesses wins.
You have ten minutes."

"And your time starts now."

So my big theory that I'd be allowed
to take the oven gloves off

is now in smithereens.

Some reactions to your costumes.

For Iain - lovely.

'Personalised it and you were
absolutely delighted to be dressed
as a lovely pirate, weren't you?

Oh, I was made up. Yeah.

Sian, I would definitely keep
my children away from that Santa.

Something about you with a deep voice
is not right at all.

DEEP VOICE
Hello.

Northern Santa.

I'm Welsh.
You're more northern than me.

Oh. Yeah.

Joe, I find it fascinating that you
seemingly took absolutely no joy

in being dressed as a boxer.
No, I wasn't. But I did.

Your face just said,
"Yeah, yeah, so I'm a boxer.

"Now I'm going to have to get
this open, clearly.

"With these gloves." Yeah.

'Right. We'll find out
how well they do identifying
the Taskmaster crisp flavours

right after this invigorating
commercial break.

CHEERING

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Hello! Hello and welcome back.

To Taskmaster, fancy dress
and crisps. Am I right?

CHEERING

It's very wet now.
It's very wet now.

Here's... Here's Joe and Iain.

Oh!

Can you eat them?

It tastes a bit like
sort of old potpourri.

'Mm. Can you say purple?
As a flavour? Yeah, is that...?

Just because of the colour,
like, maybe beetroot. It's not that.

'AUDIENCE GROAN
Huh?

'Fucking hell.

'Right. I don't know what that is.

'Minty.

I'd honestly say that tastes like
toothpaste. I mean, I don't...

'That tastes like charcoal.

'Burnt. Burnt? Burnt.

'OK. So we've got purple, mint
and burnt.

'That tastes like burnt toast.

'Bread! Burnt bread.

HE RETCHES

'That's burnt again.

'Is it not the...?

'Oh, it's claggy.

'Oh, wow!

Would you like a glass of water?
Yep.

Ugh! That's bad.

'Cocoa powder.

'Like the husk, like the bit
of a peanut that you throw away.

'Ha!

'Just vinegar.
It's sort of fishy, though.

That's sweet
but in a really weird way,

like, erm, I don't know.

'Almost a... Almost a honey but...

Fishy vinegar.
WHISTLE BLOWS

Iain.

Iain just seems totally at home
in that.

If he just turned up as standard
in that costume I'd just buy it.

I don't like who I become
in that costume.

You look more at home as a pirate
than our boxing friend does.

I won't be winning many belts,
I don't think.

The pirate ate a lot of the crisps.

He licked them all thoroughly,
for some reason. Of course.

He couldn't wait to get them
in his mouth.

He didn't do bad. He got, I'd say,
half a point for getting mint. Yeah.

Half a point for burnt bread.
So close.

And half a point for cocoa powder.
OK.

I've only just thought about
that burnt bread thing now.

That is toast, yeah.
That is... That is...

That's just hit home. Wow!

And Joe? Joe did, I would say,
slightly better.

He got burnt toast exactly.
He got toothpaste.

So it's two whole correct answers.

You want to see the other three?
Yes, please. Well, it's the triple C.

The chef, the chef
and the Christmas.

Here we go.

Might take longer than ten minutes.

'Not something commercially
successful, I don't think.

'These aren't from the shop.

'Tastes like potpourri.

'That tastes of something I know.

'Spearmint.

'Toothpaste?

'It's not sweet and it's not savoury.

'You could use it in Asian cooking.

'Whoo! That's blue.

'Blueberry beef.
Sorry - blueberry beef? Mm.

'Actually, can I put blue seaweed?
I might get a point for blue.

'Ugh! They are vile!

That's the flavour of burnt.

Cigarette ash?

I can't eat that.
That absolutely stinks

of, like, a manky house.

Oh, God, they're just getting
worse and worse.

I think we'll leave it there.

'Soap, toothpaste, no idea,

'cigarette ash and no idea.

WHISTLE BLOWS
I'll see you on Christmas Eve.

Bye-bye. Goodbye. Thank you.

Whose manky house were you thinking
of? Anyone in particular?

Paul's. Paul's?

No, it's not Paul's. It's all the
curry that I cook with toothpaste.

We'll be able to work out
which crisps you tried, Paul,

because most of them
were round your face afterwards.

He got one point for toothpaste.
Yeah.

Sian got spearmint. I'll give her
half a point for that.

Yeah. That feels right, doesn't it?
Yeah.

Maybe half for Lou
for "taste of burnt"?

Taste of burnt? Sadly, no bonus point
for just saying the colour blue. Mm.

It wasn't saying
what colour things are. No.

'Good. Let's award some points.
Sian and Lou get two points
in joint fourth. Yes, please.

Three points to Paul, four to Iain

but the best taste buds were
with Joe - five points. Hooray!

Yes!

Another one? Why not? OK, I'm just
going to press this with this.

HE GASPS

Hello. Oh, hello.

Funny thing, isn't it?

Oh. Oh! Silly me.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh. Sorry about that.

"Do the most powerful thing
with your little finger."

"Most powerful thing done
with your little finger wins."

"You have 30 minutes.
Your time starts now."

"Do the most powerful thing
with your little finger."

OK. What's powerful?

Dance.

I kind of want some electricity
out of it.

Creating life.
I could take some sperm...

Are you going to finish
that sentence?

I'm just going to open the door
with my little finger. Wow.

Does that count?

No. OK.

APPLAUSE

I thought no-one was ever going to
beat Josh Widdicombe from series one

for commitment to this show by having
my name tattooed on his foot.

And yet... If you were
to impregnate yourself...

Good. I think... I think we should
really quickly see some stuff.

OK, for the first two we've clumped
together are Iain and Paul

and I say clumped
and I mean clumped. Here we go.

I've got an idea. Oh, yeah?
I could donate to a charity.

Oh, yeah? Pretty powerful.

Changes lives.

'The most powerful thing I could do
with my little finger is
just confirm a financial deal.

I've got a relatively new computer.
Congratulations.

'I'm thinking about
maybe doing something online
that's symbolically powerful

or could do a lot of good.

This is going to be pretty powerful.

I donate to Mind quite a lot.

Mind's a good charity.
What do Mind do?

It's for better mental health. Oh!

I think I've found a really worthy
cause, which is Oli and Henna.

Oli and Henna want to go
on honeymoon.

You can't get a better cause
than that - the path of true love.

This is what they've said.

"America holds many special memories
for us from our holidays past."

So they've been before. "We're
hoping to travel from Los Angeles

"to San Francisco,

"walk on the Hollywood stars..."
Bit dull.

Sorry - do you know Oli and Henna?
No. I literally...

All I know about them is
what I can see on the screen here.

Will you be anonymous
or will they know it was you?

Oh, no - they'll know it was me.

I'm not going to donate to a cause
and have them not know it was me.

That's absolutely outrageous.

"Is this the first time
you've donated to Mind?"

No.

'And also, this is coming out
of my current account,
not my business account,

even though charitable donations are
tax deductible.

Well, that makes it
even more powerful.

HE LAUGHS

Only I, right, only I can donate
to charity and make it look dickish.

Here goes, Oli and Henna.

Are you going to reveal to us
how much you're donating?

Yes. It's 100 British pounds.

You know what I'll do?
A monthly donation.

A monthly donation of how much?

Erm, let's say £8.

£8. A monthly donation.
Plus Gift Aid.

Finish.

PHONE TINGS
It's been accepted.

And if that's not powerful enough,

I'm going to karate chop
a bit of shortbread.

Ha-jah!

APPLAUSE
Thank you, Iain.

I've got to refer to the relevance
of how new your computer is.

'No, I just trusted it
to do the transaction
within 30 minutes, that's all.

Because it was relatively new? Mm.

'Cos we all know
that confirming a financial deal is
the most powerful thing.

I mean, Iain's is
a very worthy thing to do. Yeah.

Is £8 a month powerful?

Still every month I get
a little "ping".

So we presume you're going to live
for the next 50 years. Is that right?

Scottish - 30.
LAUGHTER

We're probably looking
at about three grand.

Powerful? Three grand to charity?

I could donate to a charity,
like Iain did,

and it would be a mere drop
in the ocean

or I could make some actual,
positive influence.

I thought if they go to
the West Coast of America,

my donation could give them a good
night out in a top steak restaurant.

Well, of course!
A top steak restaurant!

Of course you could buy them a lovely
night out in a top steak restaurant

but why are we paying
for their honeymoon?

There's no we about it - it's me.
I tell you who it is.

According to his quote,
"I'm the Sinnerman from The Chase

"and I'm a legend when it comes
to inexplicable generosity."

LAUGHTER
That's what he wrote.

Who's next? Next to prove
her pinkie power, it's Lou.

And that's me ready to go.

OK, this is a powerful piece
of theatre

and it's called Sea Change.

And that's the thing with pollution.
You have to expect the unexpected.

APPLAUSE

I reckon...
SIAN LAUGHS

The intention was really good.
Really good. It was very noble.

Mm. Yeah.

If... Without explanation,
if you saw...

If you just saw
the final finished performance,

I'm not sure how powerful a statement
it is.

It's theatre. Do you go
to the theatre? Yeah, yeah.

But if I paid to go to the theatre

and I saw a woman push a brick off
a barrel into a bowl full of ducks...

And babies, and babies. And babies.

I'm not sure perhaps I'd have picked
up on your powerful message.

It was very creative.

Uh-oh. Break time.
Good luck. Bye-bye.

CHEERING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. Welcome back
to the last part of today's show.

Yes, welcome back to Taskmaster,
where today's secret colour is pink.

We've had pink ladies, pink crisps
and pinkies.

Well done if you spotted that.
It was definitely deliberate.

Next to power up his pinkie
it's Joe Thomas,

which is also a euphemism
for a pinkie.

APPLAUSE

Now, that is how
to get an issue across.

I mean, that was more powerful
than bricks on the ducks.

Pleased with that?
You've got to be pleased with that.

You've got to be pleased with that.
Yeah.

And your walk away was...

quite the sashay.

It was a striking message,
wasn't it?

Oh, boy.
GROANING

Oh, that's... He was doing well.
Oh, dear, oh, dear. That's a shame.

Erm... That is a shame.

Let's have a look at Sian's. OK, yes.

It's the person with the smallest
pinkie here, Sian Gibson.

Got your little fingers?

Ready? I'm ready.

OK.

This is Trevor.

Hmm.

OK. Shhh.

LAUGHTER

Wow. That's powerful.

Changed colour, as well.

It's the heat.

OK, my friend? Are you going stay
with Uncle Alex?

Yes, you are.
OK, well, thank you, Sian.

And don't touch him for a while.

Still hot? Still hot.

Bye.

Taking on all the big issues, aren't
we... Oh, we are. ..in this round?

Creating life. Yeah.

But I'm surprised you chose
a guinea pig,

given that the word was "powerful".

I thought you'd go for
a more powerful animal, no?

What's more powerful
than a guinea pig?

I mean, a dog? Yes. A horse?
Horse. Horse.

I couldn't fit it in that tray.

Yeah, it was tray first.
Oh! Tray first, idea next.

That's it, yeah.
Classic Gibson.

Ready? Who are you giving points to?

I'm giving two points to Lou.
Shut up!

Yeah, you shut up.
You shut up.

Honestly, that's a mistake. OK.

Let's go with it, though.

LAUGHTER

Iain, it's a worthy thing he did.
Yes.

'Even if he was a bit mean,
so I'm going to give him
three points. Three to Iain.

And I'm going to give Paul
three points.

'You're full of horse shit.
Sorry, sorry. Lou's just saying
you're full of horse shit. OK.

If she says one more thing I'm going
to take a point off her. Oh!

Oh, God. The guinea pig,
the guinea pig.

RSPCA. I don't know
if it's shit or good.

I don't know if it's shit or good.

Did you think it was powerful?

No.

No, I didn't.

I'm going to give it two points.

SHE SQUEAKS
What?!

Yeah. Ooh! I know.
I just felt it deep in my gut.

Bad, innit? Tell you what, though.
Joe's was amazing.

I'm giving him five points
and that's an end to it all.

Joe gets five points.
I'm not clapping that.

I'm not clapping.

Greg, would you like to hear how
that's affected the series scores?

Please. OK, well,
Paul has got to 87 points.

CHEERING
Yes! Oh!

Everyone else now in triple figures.

Sian and Iain, joint on 101.

Joe on 110.

Lou on 120 - ten points ahead.

CHEERING

OK. Then can you please all
make your way to the stage

for the final task of the show!

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Who's going to read it out, then?
Joe Thomas is going to read it out.

Do not release the green egg.

Each team will be asked a question
in turn.

If you pull the string
with the correct answer

you will not release the green egg.

A different member of your team
must answer each time.

You must pull a string
within 30 seconds.

The team that doesn't release
the green egg wins.

'Do you just want to clarify that?
If you get the question right,
you won't release the green egg.

That's all I can tell you. First
question for the team of three.

How many G's are there
in the Taskmaster's full name?

Have you got a middle name, babe?
What is it? Daniel. Two, two.

Yes, go. That's correct. OK.

From now on can I ask you
to pull it slightly more gently?

LAUGHTER

Citizens On Patrol is
which number Police Academy film?

It's not 1, it's not 2.

Citizens... It's a... I reckon,
let's go... Please pull a number.

Let's go for five.
Hurry up, Joe. OK.

Green!
Ooh!

How many points
did Shirley Bassey's pop socks get

in episode two of this series?

Was it five?
It was five but five's gone.

Five's gone.
Can we go for five again?

No, you must pull a new number
each time.

Go for four. Or three? Or three?
Go for four. Are you sure?

LAUGHTER

What is 100 minus 19 divided by 27?

Three. The answer's three.
Is it? Yeah.

Oh, it's a pink lady.

How many months of the year
have more than eight letters?

One - September. Is it?
I think it's more likely to be...

CHEERING

Right. A bit tenuous, this.

What's left behind
after a vomit party?

Oh, it's sick. Lots of "sicks".
Yes, it's six. Six.

It's you, it's you. OK, right.

CHEERING

Droopy drawers minus triple dozen.

Droopy drawers. 44.

The answer's eight. Minus 11?

Minus 36. It's eight.
Oh - eight.

He-shah!

CHEERING

Just a little pull.
Santa's German helper.

It's 11. German for 11 is elf.

OK. I trust you.

LOU: Clever boy.

CHEERING

Whoo! How many S's are in
the following phrase?

"Assessing the assassin wasn't easy."

Six. "Assessing the assassin
wasn't easy."

Six. Six has already been opened.

Oh. One - one.
One has already been opened.

Seven, nine or 10.

One? Which one, which one?
Seven, nine or 10.

Use the crystals, use the angels.

Nothing there, nothing there.
There's nothing there.

GROANING

APPLAUSE

Lou just did a bit of theatre
about the environment.

Come down and we'll add those
to the final scores.

CHEERING

All good? Absolutely.
What a game of Release The Egg

or Don't Release The Egg,
as it is called.

Team Sian and Joe
got the five points

and the leader board -
with an incredible score of 24,

one point off full marks,

Joe Thomas is the winner.

Wow!
CHEERING

Look at that. Joe's first victory.

Joe wins. Please go and celebrate
with your slippery thing.

CHEERING

'So, what have we learnt today?
We've learnt that once Joe Thomas
has made a powerful statement,

he knows exactly how to make an exit.

And he also knows how to win a show.

Congratulations once again
to tonight's champion, Joe Thomas!

CHEERING

Thank you, everyone.
Thank you again and goodnight.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media