Taskmaster (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - There's Strength in Arches - full transcript

Home stretch of season 2. 1st a stream to overcome during a grocery store task. 2nd some videography. 3rd, there must be a bridge. 4th Katherine issues a tampon challenge then they put on gloves and clap. There can be only one.

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TASKMASTER SERIES 2 EP 5
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Hello! I'm Greg Davies
and this is Taskmaster.

It's the last episode of the series,

which means that by the end of this
show, we will have found
an overall winner.

The person who has accumulated the
most points across the whole run

will lift this trophy!

This majestic golden head,

as the champion of Taskmaster.

Let's meet our five potential
victors.

They are Doc Brown...



Joe Wilkinson...

Jon Richardson...

Katherine Ryan

and Richard Osman!

And here, my rock of administration
throughout the whole experience,

it's Alex Horne. You are my rock
of administration!

Really?

That's... I genuinely have so much
respect for you.

I was wondering, while we're here,
if I could ask you a question.

If you'd do me the honour -
legally - of becoming my godfather.

Is that alright?

It is a proper document. Would you
mind? Yeah. I haven't got one.

I know what that entails. I can get
you to do what I like if I sign
this, right?

Well, it's more gifts,
that's what I thought.



You can bring me gifts. Thank you.

It's the last show of the series,
Greg. Yeah, I know.

There are two people, surprisingly,
in first and second.

They are Katherine Ryan and Jon
Richardson. There are four points
separating them.

The rest aren't that far behind.

So it literally is anyone's game?
No. Apart from Joe's!

I've had a lovely day!

Time for the prize task. What's
the category to end the series?

Well, it's quite an emotional one.
We've asked them to bring in their
best piece of memorabilia.

Whoever brings the best piece of
memorabilia will win the first task.

And whoever wins the whole episode
will go home with a lot of
memorabilia. OK? Yeah. Yeah.

Memorabilia, keepsakes,
souvenirs, tat. Jon?

I've brought something I've had
for about 20 years.

It's one of my favourite things
and it's a Roman coin

that I found when I was doing some
gardening.

And I just think every time I touch
it, I get genuinely excited

that that was used in Roman times,
which is when they used most of
the Roman currency...

..to buy God knows what!

A gourd? Yeah. Or some courgettes.

It looks like
a shitty milk bottle top!

Currently, you can get 20 for eight
pounds on eBay. OK. Fifth place.

Joe, what piece of memorabilia have
your brought?

I have gone a bit classic,
a bit sort of "go to".

I have brought my map
of the Grand Union Canal.

Right.

It's signed by one of the
lock-keepers.

Did you meet the lock-keeper?
Yeah, yeah. What was his name?

Clive Hutt.

If you were to describe Clive Hutt
in three words, what would you say?

Asthmatic.

To fulfil the three words, it would
be asthmatic Clive Hutt.

Yeah. Asthmatic Clive Hutt.
Richard, what did you bring in?

I met one of my great sporting
heroes and pretty much everybody's
sporting hero.

It's one of the few people ever
I got the autograph of.

He's an absolute giant of his sport,

and it's Jocky Wilson.

Well, for those of us who've played
at Lakeside,

that, my friend, has almost
definitely secured you the top slot!

Oh, that's very kind of you.

He was a gentleman, as well,
as you would imagine.

Alex has a fact about Jocky Wilson.
I like Jocky Wilson.

He was a constant sweet-eater.
He refused to brush his teeth.

He lost his last tooth
by the age of 28!

Oh, no!

All three of which one could have
guessed.

Katherine, what did you bring?

Well, being a woman in comedy,

I get asked many questions.

I'll bet. They ask me, "Katherine,
what's it like being part of
a revolution?!

And so I humble myself by looking at
the following coin from the legit
suffrage.

You see that? A lady from Dagenham
gave it to me

and it's one of the many ways they
got votes for women, et cetera,
through their rebellion.

Wow!
APPLAUSE

I guess it's gonna reflect pretty
badly on me if Jocky Wilson
beats that!

Doc? I was gonna start off by saying
that in 2003, I really wanted to
have relations with Myleene Klass.

I randomly got to meet her

and she asked me to write a rap song
for her.

Which I did. She was gonna rap it?!

Yeah! Oh, wow!

So I got to spend like a week,
just me and Myleene.

Nothing came of it,
and it is what it is.

However...

a couple of weeks later,

she gave me the rap that I'd written
for her -

you know she's a classical pianist -
Yeah.

and she'd laid it out in meter and
then framed it and gave it to me

with a little message at the bottom
and a little kiss!

Saying, "You weren't invited
to my house."

Yeah, it was very much like
a really, really nice gift,

but also a way of saying, "Please
don't ever contact me again!"

Yeah. But I treasure it.
A framed-up warning!

I treasure it. Just say,
"Myleene Klass - two teeth left."

It's a fact.

Really? Doing better than Jocky,
then! Yeah.

Right. You've got to make a
decision. You've heard all five.
Alright, then. Great.

In fifth place - and this is gonna
come as a bit of a shock
to some of you-

I'm putting Joe's canal!

Fourth place I'm gonna put
Myleene Klass's rap.

In third place I'm putting Jon's
Roman coin.

Just cos they're worth fuck all.

In second place, incredible though
it may seem,

I'm putting the incredibly worthy
Suffragette coin.

Which means crashing in at number
one is the signed Jocky Wilson
poster!

If you think that women are more
important than Jocky Wilson,

you fucking come to me!
That's alright.

I tried it with words.
Next will be actions. OK!

Hit me. OK. We're gonna do the first
proper big task now. Ready?

I really want a proper big task.

OK. Here it is, Greg.

A box.

A trolley.

Just in case it's a "Your time
starts now" task,

I might have a little look at
what we have first.

"Get all this shopping into the
shopping trolley."

"Fastest wins. Your time starts
now."

Oh, no. OK, that's the challenge.

So what should I do? Shall I pump up
the boat before I even open up
the thing?

I could do that.

I'm gonna look such an idiot
when I open up this task!

Richard has been the most cerebral,
it's fair to say, throughout...

That's not cerebral at all! I pop up
the bed before I know what to do?

Do you go out each night with
a condom on, like just in case...

I wear two!

What I was about to say was,

it doesn't say anywhere that you
need to use the airbed

and it's an airbed, not a boat!

So that's fine. Who shall we start
with?

Shall we start with Katherine?
Yeah. Uh-oh. Start with Katherine.

Oh, you bastards!

Thank you, Katherine. Thank you!

Literally, as it has been across the
series, no messing with Katherine
Ryan.

"Bam! I get the job done as quickly
as possible,

"even when some prick takes the
wheels off the shopping trolley!"

Incredible performance. Thank you.
"Votes for women" as Jocky Wilson
once said.

Because the wheels fell off, which
was so unlucky(!)

Katherine managed to complete the
task in two minutes 44 seconds,

under three minutes.
Under four minutes, in fact.

Who's next? He won't like it,

but we're gonna have a look at Doc
and a look at Jon.
The Chuckle Brothers!

That bridge. I'd say that's a... OK.

Not bad.

I feel like Steve Backley!

See you in a bit.

Oh! There's a fucking bridge there!

Shit!

Oh, God! This chicken's come out of
the bag!

There's a bridge there, as well!

Will it seem totally spontaneous

without you informing us you hadn't
seen two bridges?

I always thought I was cool
under pressure until this series.

I think if you watch me closely
throughout... As I have been!

..then you know that I make rash
and awful decisions

that I feel the need to stick by
forever!

Like, I'll never go back, even
though the decision was terrible.

Doc did get the job done.
He finished in four minutes,
24 seconds.

Which is almost twice as long
as Katherine.

Dude, how did I not see the bridges?
That's what freaks me out!

You called me "dude"! No-one has
ever called me dude!

I'm deeply troubled by the clip.
Sometimes you don't see bridges.

At least you thought to put all the
things in one bag to throw them
across, rather than...

Thanks, man. It's like a focus
group. I really appreciate you guys
doing this.

Jon was also slower than Katherine.
Jon was Pi time, 3.14. Yeah?

Pi time!

Is that because he didn't use
the bags?

He scampered round instead of
scampering across.

There's a danger if I'm too close
to the water.

People will think I'm a vole
and have me destroyed!

And not humanely!

However... No! As I think Jon
probably remembers... No!
As Jon probably... No!

Hang on! There was a slight...
Hey! Bip-bip! There was a slight
problem... No! Bip-bip!

There was one little bit at the end
when Jon walked away we couldn't
help noticing. Bip!

Thanks, Jon. Absolute pleasure.

Pockets full of sponges. He didn't
put everything in the trolley.

Ah! No, I put your sponges
in the trolley and I always carry
two sponges with me.

Does that mean Jon is null and void?
Yes. And Doc is suddenly not so bad.

Not so bad, even though
you can't see bridges!

Although I did one thing. When Doc
had finished, we had a closer look
at the river.

Oh, no! Did I drop something?
Oh, no! Oh...

Oh, God!

At least I took my litter with me!

What does that mean?
Both shafted, I guess?

That is exactly your decision
to make.

Both shafted!

Ooh!

Right. Richard and Joe's trolley
dash is to come after the break.
See you then.

Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.

We have four comedians and
TV personality, Richard Osman...

..competing not just for a couple of
dirty old coins,

but for the Taskmaster trophy.

Alex? Trolleys, right?
Right, Greg. Trolleys.

Despite the simplicity of the task,
both Jon and Doc failed to get all
their items into thetrolley,

which means Katherine, the series
leader, is leading this task
as well.

She completed it in 2:44.
It's just Joe and Richard to see.

Ready? YES!

Good. Here they are.

I could just walk across that
bridge, but this will be quicker.

The fastest time starts now!

Shit!

It's got no wheels!

Fuck!

My feet are really heavy!

How did I do? Is it all
in the trolley? Yeah.

I'm glad I blew the thing up!

Speaking as an overly-tall
gentleman,

we're often expected to be gentle
and kind. Yeah.

So it's so nice to see one of us
really letting loose, man(!)

It was fun! It wasn't one of the
modern trolleys. Boy, it was heavy.

It was amazing. Cos a lot of people
were saying, "There's Richard
Osman!"

Throwing the trolley in!
"What has happened?!"

Let's talk about Joe. He was speedy.

It was the most action we've seen
him partake in.

Yes. Rivers don't worry me.

What worries you, Joe?
Horses and darkness.

I think this must be Joe's most
exciting performance so far,
isn't it?

Well, it has been. It's very tight.
So, Richard took 1:59.

What?! 1:59.

And that's including ten seconds
of rolling his trousers up.

Which is interesting,
because Joe took 1:52.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Did I win? You won.

Let me know what the scores are.
OK. It's...

It's exciting. There's five people
competing, but one in the lead.

Mr Richard Osman is in first place!

Yes.

Give us another task, then, Alex.
Right.

OK. This one is a team task.

A potato! A potato.

Here we go.

I'll open it and you read it.
That's a nice idea.

"Make the best stop-motion film,
starring this potato."

"You have one hour.
Your time starts now."

Should we change the potato to have
like a face,

or should we use the potato
to make different little guys
to be in the film?

The options are endless, but I don't
know anything about animation.

Do you have much experience
of the stop-motion film industry?

No. That's where you take
two pictures. Yeah.

And that's stop motion.
And that's the film.

Just the two? We're not gonna need
an hour for this!

We're looking for about 800
pictures. 800? 800?!

Have you lost your mind? That'll
make a 30-second film. In an hour?!

Animation's really hard. It is.

I think a pun title of a scary film.
OK, yeah. What do you reckon?

Hateful Potato?
Night of the Living Spud.

Mash in the Attic.

Let's have a mouth
that we can stick on. Yeah!

Loads of different mouths.

No, it just goes like that,
doesn't it?

Shall we give it eyes or something?
Yeah.

That looks clearly like a potato
masher, doesn't it?

Yeah. Oh, a potato masher. I see.

But it's like an evil one.
Yeah. That's why he's wearing
a white suit.

Now move him back where you were.
And again.

And again.

It's a lot easier than I imagined.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS RAPIDLY

Yeah, leave it at that.

First, the potato is happy.
Then he needs to be a bit confused.

And then he needs to be like,
"Waghhh!"

Done. It's a wrap. Congratulations.
Well done.

Relax. That's a wrap, guys!

We still need a title.

I don't think you'll get better than
Mash in the Attic!

Let's just clear up for stupid
people what stop-motion is, Alex.

Stop-motion is things like Morph,
Wallace and Gromit,

a lot of Poirot, that sort of thing!

It's that genre.

Let's have a look at this nonsense.

Want to start with the boy and his
dad, Richard and Richardson?

Yes, I do. Here they are.

CRACK OF THUNDER

MENACING MUSIC

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

BANGING ON DOOR

SCARY MUSIC

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

If I'm not mistaken, a mutant potato
who's living underground

sensed that a human was harming one
of his kind,

approached the house,

successfully managed to wrestle the
potato peeler out of the human's
hand,

murdered him, and then in a chilling
climax,

we see the children of the mutant
potato coming out to exact their
revenge on all of mankind.

Pretty much exactly that,

other than I don't know if the
intentions were quite so awful.

What happened was the potato was
trying to make friends with us

but the first human it saw was Alex
who was killing a potato.

And so Alex, unfortunately,
essentially triggered
the end of the world.

He's very, very good to work with.

We told him, when he opened the
door, to look left and right.

And he did up of his own accord.

Just threw that in for free.
Just threw it in.

You're a clever little godson,
aren't you?

I'm gonna give him a little tickle.

We have Joe, Doc and Katherine's
stop-motion film to see.

Worth returning for? Probably.
See you after the break.

Hello. Welcome back to
the Taskmaster series finale,

with a canal map and a poster of
Jocky Wilson awaiting the winner!

Emotions are running pretty high.

What were we doing, Alex? Well,
Greg, dear,

before the break, we were enjoying
some stop-motion animation.

Richard and Jon's 28 Days Tater
genuinely went down pretty well.
It did.

Better than we thought when we wrote
this!

Way better!

We are yet to see Joe, Katherine
and Doc's short film. Here it is.

LAUGHTER

Who's on the phone?

# La-la-la-la-la-la-la

# Walking down the corridor #

Look at the state of the skirtings.

RUSSIAN ACCENT: Ah, Mr Spud.

You're a knob, mate.

As always, you're in the right place
at the right time, Mr Spud.

Huh?

I know you don't require one of
these Martinis I have here.

Uh, yeah, if you like.

Because you are already smashed!

Oh, Lord. Very good.

MANIC LAUGHTER

CAT: Ha-ha! Smashed!

That was a pun, wasn't it?
Yes, it's a pun.

Oh, piss off!

Never mind. I got him.

Pretty sweet Bond parody,

up until the point that James Bond,
the potato, said,

"You're a knob, mate."

That was all improvised.

What?!

What?!

A fact, they did take pretty much
800 pictures.

Jon and Richard took 1,463 pictures.

Wow. That's why it was a much longer
work.

Theirs was so jerky, though!

The movement of our potato
is crazy smooth, man!

You don't see, like, one tiny hand
and one massive hand constantly
appearing! Know whatI mean?

Oh, man, that potato movement
was crazy smooth!

I think that might have won you it!

Hang on a minute. I just want to see
good cinema.

For me, it's not about slagging off
other people's work.

I did wonder about the narrative of
the potato who for no reason gets
trod on by a highheel.

What was that about? James Bond
films are often characterised
by a preposterous ending.

Yeah, but that just didn't make
any sense.

There was no narrative arc
whatsoever. A feminist arc.

I will be the first female potato
James Bond.

The feminist "ark" is, of course,
what Noah's wife... That's what
she built.

Bond should die with all the sexual
harassment he does.

I don't disagree with that.
But it's just not in the...

Not in the spirit of the film.

I thought both of the films were
superb,

but I think 28 Days Tater
had the edge.

Three points for all the team
members in that group.

Two points for all the team members
in the Bond group. Done!

OK. It's time for the last
pre-recorded task in the entire
series.

Make it a good one.
I will. I really will.

We're going to take you
to the bridge.

Hey!

Nice!

Hello, there!

Hi, Jon. Hello, there.
This is lovely!

Aw!

I hope I don't have to make
anything. I'm rubbish at making
things.

"Make a bridge over the river, using
only items on this table."

"Highest self-supporting bridge
wins." Highest.

"The bridge alone must support the
potato."

"The bridge alone must support
the pony."

Does it definitely say "pony"?

No. "Potato."

You'd think it would be pony,
wouldn't you?

"You must not touch the Taskmaster's
house!"

"You have 20 minutes. Your time
starts now." Not a lot of time.

All I can use is what's on this
table? Anything on this table, Doc.

OK.

That's real water. That's cool,
isn't it?

Self-support the potato.
It's quite weighty.

That is the laziest bit of reading
I've seen all series!

You got to the "P-O and
thought, "Fuck it. Pony," right?

Well, most people would have guessed
pony. You don't have to guess!

You've got a sort of in-built broken
predictive text!

I have to admit I jumped ahead.

Let's start with the hipsters.
Katherine, Jon and Doc, here we go.

Do you know what that means,
"Debajo de la mesa"?

Yes, I do. Good.

OK. Self-supporting bridge over the
river.

Don't touch the house. Potato.

How many straws does it take
to support a potato?

That age-old question!

That's quite a light potato.
He says now!

I know that the strongest shape
is a triangle.

What's the strongest shape?
It's an arch, isn't it?

Strong.

What does this do?

A pointless feature.

It's much weightier than I first
gave it credit for.

I think I might chew these to make
them sticky.

It's gross. I don't like chewing gum
when it comes out of people's
mouths.

Interesting to see who goes for
the chewing gum!

Ooh, very minty. Too minty.

It's so intense, my eyes are
watering!

Yeah. That's gonna be fine. OK.

Just speed it up, maybe.

I don't think people know that
I'm this smart, you know?

That is disgusting! Sorry, guys.

Ooh, I don't like touching it,
even though it's my mouth.

Such a shit idea!

Lovely.

Now, how do I make that bigger?

That's so precarious!

There's some interbreeding
going on here!

SIGHS DEEPLY

Oh, God! I just don't understand!

I'll measure it from the distance
from the grass, first.

I'm persevering on this.

I'm using his hooves as a forming
angle.

That'll do!

I'm happy with that.

They couldn't have done it better
than that. No.

Thanks, Katherine. Great triangles!
See you later!

In all great engineering meetings
around the world,

if the task is bridge, the first
building material that the engineers
suggest - rubber.

Well, I don't know if you know about
this,

but I have an education in urban
and city planning. Oh.

And I learned about triangles!

You got bad A levels, too, right?

Yeah! I just feel like... You know
where you lost that task, Katherine?

You lost it in that moment where you
said,

"People aren't ready for how smart
I really am."

Well, I just didn't have enough
triangles.

They looked great. They did.

It did look lovely. Let's have
a look at the bridge.

I mean, the materials were not there
unless you want to use
defenceless mammals!

Yeah.

But give me a load of straws and I
will blow your mind with triangles.

I'm very frustrated to have asked if
you knew what "Debajo de la mesa"
means.

Have you worked it out, yet? Yeah.
Not followed through on that.

What does it mean? I think
it means "under the table".

ALL GASP

Yeah. And you also pressed a button.
I did and said, "What a pointless
button."

You are kidding! Do you want to see
what the button does? Not now!
I would have at thetime!

Let's have a look and see
what the button does.

What does this do?

A pointless feature!

How many minutes?
You've got three minutes, 15.

There's no reason why I'm
disrespecting animals by doing this.

Do you know what that means,
"Debajo de la mesa"?

Yes, I do. Good.

LAUGHTER

The tools that you have given me

are so helpful(!) Great(!)

I'm happy with that. Thank you, Doc.
Ta-ta.

What the fuck, man?

You know my eyesight is affected
around bridges! You can't...

That's outrageous!

We thought straws and rubber bands
are useless, so we put some wood
there.

What was written on the task? Didn't
it say you could only use what's on
the table?

It did say what's on the table.
We predicted this question.

But it's underneath. Also we did
get in touch with Susie Dent.

And we know from previous episodes
of this series

how much you respect her opinion(!)

"On" means "to be in physical
contact, to make contact with",
according to Dent.

That's the first meaning of "on".
Joe's been very quiet.

That's cos I absolutely nailed it.

The only skill I had coming into
this

was that I can speak a bit of
Spanish.

I translated it in my head, and
thought, "It's just a boat called
'Under the table'."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I mean, you were so close to looking
under the table. I pushed the...

You were very nearly under the table
anyway!

You still did get a high bridge.

Do you want it in metric
or in fruit pastilles?

In kilometres! His ended up as
11.4 fp's. Fruit pastilles.

They're the same as centimetres.
Whereas Doc's was exactly ten fp's.

So Jon, you are in the lead.

Katherine's was one millimetre,
the width of a rubber band!

Right. We're going to leave Joe and
Richard's bridge-building till after
the break.

Join us then for the final part
of the show where there'll be one
last live task

plus the crowning of our overall
series winner.

Exciting, isn't it? See you then.

Hello. Welcome back to the final
part of the final episode of this
series of Taskmaster.

Myleene Klass has signed a bit of
paper and these guys can't wait
to win it.

Who will go home tonight as series
champion? We'll find out soon.

But first, back to business. Alex?

Yes, Greg. We've been watching
people build a bridge for a potato.

And for once, Jon Richardson is
tallest with a height of 11.4
centimetres.

But we haven't seen Joe or Richard's
yet

and we haven't seen if either of
them used any of the equipment we
hid around the room. Let's see.

OK. This is engineering, really.

This is the sort of thing where you
have to be good at science
at school.

We didn't do engineering at my
school.

We did a lot of woodwork.

Would you like some wood? Yeah.

I don't know what to do!
I do not know what to do.

I assume some clever people would
build a house of cards or something.

Ah! Ah! Holy shit! Right, we're off.

OK. Now we'll build some structures.
These are the future.

I'm really confident.

Just show-homing now.

I can move the canal boat, right?
Yes.

Choo-choo-choo. Oh, I'm so slow!

This is gonna take me for ever!

Do the noise thing. Brmmmm!

OK. There's a flaw.

I've lost confidence again!

I'm really bombed. I'm stressed.
Really stressed.

I can't help thinking there's
a clever way of doing this.

This is really difficult if you're
quite thick.

Which, with respect, I am.

I don't know... I don't know how
engineers do it.

This is almost impossible.

How do you do that arch...

LAUGHTER

I'm all excited!

There's something in this.

There's strength in it, now.

There's strength in it.
How do we use that?

There's strength in arches.

There is strength in arches!

There is strength in arches.

Am I missing anything here on this
table

that can be taken up or taken off?

Uh, uh, uh.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

I'm properly looking forward to
seeing how people have done this.

Good luck, everybody. Thank you,
Richard. Thanks, everyone!

Wow. Some big shocks...

Some very big shocks, there.

Richard Osman, the master of logic,
normally,

"There's got to be a clever way
round this. Just chuck it all
in the river!"

If there's one thing we all know
about spaghetti is that
it's stronger wet!

Richard did end up with an alright
bridge.

It's symmetrical. It's eight
centimetres high.

Yeah, that's all good.
But let's talk about
"There's strength in arches".

I think you're destined to release
a fragrance called that!

Yeah. Just whisper,
"There's strength in arches
down that camera."

(There's strength in arches.)

Really beautiful, isn't it? Yeah.

I thought it was subtle, patient,
beautiful. How tall was it, though?

Richard's was eight centimetres.

Doc's ten. Jon's 11.

Don't let mine be shit.
Joe's was nine.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Unbelievable.

I just think your face, though,
when you said that.

I would have adopted you
at that moment!

We all wanted to hold you, then.

It was like being one of those kids
at school that did exams
and all that.

Alex, can you tell me the score
update?

Katherine came last in that one.
Came last by a long way.

Then it was Richard, Joe and Doc
and Jon won that task.

Congratulations.

What's that done to our scoreboard?

Katherine, series leader, has
slipped back into second last place.

Richard is in first place
in this episode so far.

We'll soon find out not only
who's won the show

but also who'll go home
with the Taskmaster trophy.

AUDIENCE: Woo!

But to get those results,
we all need one more tussle.

Will you all please make your way
to the stage one last time

for the final task of the series!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Richard, at last it's your turn.
Will you read out tonight's final
task. Lovely!

Hello, Richard. Hello, Alex.
Alright, dude?

That's the first time I've ever...

"Put on a pair of food-handling
gloves.

"Eat a whole banana.
Correctly put on a tie

"and clap as many times as possible.

"All tasks must be completed
within 100 seconds.

"Most claps wins."

I sense an objection coming from
Katherine.

What the fuck?

Thank you. Crap reading.

No, I didn't listen to the last bit

because this is an example of
the type of top-down misogyny

that keeps people like me losing!

I don't know how to react to that.

Shut up!

You don't know how to put a tie on?
Is that it? No!

Let's all put on a tampon
and then we'll see...

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

I'll put your tie on
if you'll eat my banana!

LAUGHTER

I'm married now, so that's where
it ends.

That's a court case I'm prepared
to witness for.

Katherine might have a point.
I'm just thinking if there's
something...

Tell you what. I'm gonna read all
the words here.

I'm gonna move one comma and we'll
see if we can sort this out. OK.

Put on a pair of food-handling
gloves,

eat a whole banana correctly.

Put on a tie and clap as many times
as possible. Done!

Surely! I just feel now that I've
ruined the task.

Oh, no, no.

Not at all(!)

Now we see the trouble that coin
has got us into, don't we?

OK. You've got 100 seconds.
Your time starts...

AUDIENCE CHEER THEM ON

One glove on! One glove on.
Two gloves on!

Two gloves on!

Go on, Joe!

That's it.

Now it's the tie bit.

Doesn't matter what order you do it.
You've only got to put the tie on!

No-one has clapped yet.
No-one's started clapping.

He's off! He's off! He's off!

Are they on? Are these on?

Keep clapping! Come on!

Clap! Clap! Clap!

Faster!

Ten seconds left! Ten seconds!
Come on!

AUDIENCE COUNT DOWN

WHISTLE

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

An incredible performance all round.

Let's bring them down and find out
how that's affected the final score,
Alex.

Well done, everybody!

A nail-biting conclusion.
Alex, who clapped the least?

Ah. Great question. Um...

Despite clapping nearly twice
every second, with 192 claps,

Jon Richardson clapped the least.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

Surprising. I just didn't think
you'd count the claps!

We had five people with clickers.
One focusing on each of you.

Cool. Really? I stopped at one point
to do my tie up properly!

I know not everyone wears a tie,

but I think it's important that
those who do, do it with some...

You didn't have to wear it
correctly. You just had to eat
the banana correctly.

I'm afraid that means that the hero
of this episode,

so nearly winning his first episode,

was disqualified cos he didn't eat
his banana correctly - he didn't eat
his banana.

He is allergic to bananas, though.

We're doing it for that large body
of people

who believe that people with food
allergies are just making it up.

Of which I count myself
a proud member!

Right. I'll eat a banana and you
check my stool tomorrow!

He didn't clap the most. He didn't
clap the most anyway.

Well, fuck it, then!

He clapped the second most.

So it was Jon with 192,

and then it was Katherine Ryan
with 221.

Joe Wilkinson 234.

Doc Brown clapped 237 times.

And Richard Osman, 249 claps! Whoa!

Let's find out who's going home
with the canal map.

The winner's obviously
Mr Richard Osman!

There it is.

Richard Osman is the winner.

Richard, go and enjoy your prizes!

Thank you!

Before we find out the series
winner, what have we learnt today?

Well, folks, what we've learnt is,

no matter what you've done,
how long you've lived,

or who you know, sometimes,
you just can't see bridges.

Let's hear it once more for
tonight's winner, Mr Richard Osman!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

I'm afraid we're not done here yet.

There's one incredibly important
thing left to do.

Alex has added up everyone's points
throughout the series

and so finally the time has come to
reveal who is the overall winner

and to present them with this

beautiful Taskmaster trophy!

AUDIENCE: Woo!

Alex, over to you, please.

The winner of Taskmaster Series Two
was...

Katherine Ryan!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Katherine Ryan!

Well done again to Katherine.

See you next series. Thank you,
folks, and good night!

Subtitles by Ericsson