Taskmaster (2015–…): Season 15, Episode 7 - Schrödinger's Egg - full transcript

The comedians are perplexed by some heavy machinery, eat some sweets, and do some funny walks.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
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Brace, brace! I'm bracing!

This programme contains
strong language and adult humour.

Hmph!

No, no, no, no!

No!

Ahh!

What?!

Hello, everybody,
and welcome to Taskmaster.

The road to Taskmaster victory
is long,

there are many hurdles,
physically and psychologically.

Different individuals
respond in different ways



and sometimes on camera

there are those that seem
not to care at all how well they do.

But do not be fooled.

One of them came to my
dressing room last night,

hot tears streaming down their face,

"I want this more than
I've ever wanted anything before.

"I want to make my family proud.
Please, Greg.

"Please don't take this from me,
please."

Now, I would never reveal
that person's identity,

but I'll say this -

chin up, you're doing fine,

and don't be silly,

of course you'll be able to show
your face in Scotland again.

Let's meet them all now.



Please give an enormous round
of applause to Frankie Boyle...

..Ivo Graham...

..Jenny Eclair...

..Kiell Smith-Bynoe...

..and Mae Martin.

And next to me,
a man who smells his own farts

using what he describes
as his guff-and-cup system.

It's...

..little Alex Horne!

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello. Good evening. How are you?

I am great... Wow.

..for once, and I want to take
an opportunity, if you wouldn't mind,

an opportunity to thank this man,

because you get a lot
of stick from people

for being mean to me.

But you're very nice. Four months
ago, Greg gave me a watch.

He said "I want to give you this,"

and he gave me that,
and it's really nice.

- So nice guy.
- Aww.

I mean, I don't know what to do
with this, cos this is just true.

Nice guy. I haven't got you anything,
but you may do what you may with me.

Payback for my lovely present.

Put your tongue out.

I don't want to.

OK.

Come on, then.
Yes, Greg, it's prize task time

and this week the category is,

"The most brilliant thing
that pops up."

You'll give five points
to the top of the pops

and then one of them will be
really happy at the end of the show

when they win five brilliant things
that pop up.

Back to you, Pops. Right.

Obviously, anyone
who's brought a toaster in,

get ready for no points.

Ivo, hello. Hello, Greg.

What's the most brilliant thing
that you've brought in that pops up?

It's, of course,
the game of Whac-A-Mole

with a bespoke Taskmaster twist.

Here it is. He's done this.

There we are!

Oh, God. Come on!

I like it more than
I ever imagined I would.

Yes!

Not too proud not
to put myself in the Whac-A-Mole,

I suffer, as we all shall,
at the hands of the bat.

Well, it's nice.

You made the effort
to make it Taskmaster-centric

and I enjoy that.

It feels mid-range at this stage.

The Japanese format of
Whac-A-Mole, Mogura Tataki,

Mole Smash, is popular worldwide,
and now it's got our faces on it.

Five points, please.

Do you want me to enter five points?
I do not.

Hello, Mae.

You remember what you said
about toasters?

But...bear with me. OK.

Er, I've brought a Pop-Tart...

Mm. But no, wait.

Yeah, this is Mae's
most brilliant thing that pops up.

On the Pop-Tart is the most
brilliant mind of our time.

My man, Professor Brian Cox.

Look at his hair, and...

Hey, Whac-A-Mole's looking
more attractive.

Are you a fan of
Professor Brian Cox?

I think he's fit, yeah.

No, I respect his mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All you're
going to see is my burning face.

How have you never had
an impressions show?

Jenny. Oh, no.

You must be feeling
a little bit encouraged

by Professor Brian Pop-Tart. No.

Do you like David Bowie? Do I?
Yeah. I don't mind him.

Right, David Bowie would never
have had those big balloon trousers

had it not been for this bloke
called Oskar Schlemmer, right?

And he designed the Bauhaus Ballet,
so I have brought for you

a Bauhaus Ballet pop-up book.

Here is the book. Yeah.

Here it comes.

Pop!

- Ooh.
- Oooh...

Did you hear that noise?
The audience loved it.

Greg, come on!

I don't mind it.

It's interesting, cos the lineage
from Oskar Schlemmer to Bowie

is all in the Bauhaus movement.

Yeah, that's why these people
came here, Jenny. Yes, indeed.

They're gagging for Schlemmer!
That's all they want!

They're Schlemmer crazy,
these people.

Kiell.

The most brilliant thing
that pops up

is obviously one's self.

And what better thing to pop up on
than a pogo stick?

Ooh!

We've found our level.

Yes. Kiell has popped in
this pogo stick.

I had a bit of fun.

My parents genuinely got me
a pogo stick for Christmas.

I'm 35 years old. I was like,
"Oh, what should I do with it?"

And they were like,
"Bounce around with your friends."

You might avoid being bottom
because I used to have a pogo stick

and I quite liked it,
and that's the only reason.

I really like the image of you
on a pogo stick.

I was quite good.

Got into a nasty accident with Mark.

Landed on his foot, poor lad.

Was he one of your students?

Hi, Frankie.

You must be feeling
pretty confident here.

I have brought something
that pops up regularly in my house.

I've tried to throw it out of my
house, I think, on three occasions,

and it always returns

and I've ended up just hanging it
on the wall in my living room.

And it is
this very sinister painting.

Here it is.

It is awful, but I sort of love it.

Who's putting it up?

The children deny...

..but they're not trustworthy.

What is the least brilliant thing
that pops up, Greg?

Well, what do you think?
I feel like it might be the
Pop-Tart.

It is. It just annoyed me.

It's out. One point.
One point to Mae.

Pogo stick, two points. Aw!

Book, lazy, three points. Right.

Unbelievably, a Whac-A-Mole
that he cut some faces out...

I don't know why
it's got four points.

Mae, you're right,
it's inconsistent. That's fine.

Four to Ivo. And that painting
doesn't deserve any praise,

but weirdly it's getting
five points. There. That's it.

One, two, three, four,
five points for Frankie.

Let's get tasking.

Hmm, well, more like,
"Let's get pulping."

Hello, Alex. Hi, Jenny.
Please stand on the little circle.

OK.

What do you think this is?

Frying pan.

A Victorian satellite.

I think this is a...
like a World War II bomb.

Be careful.
I'll put the safety gloves on.

Of course, if it's a bomb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK.

"Rotate the pulper wheel
without pulping the egg."

"You must not move
from this spot at any point.

"If you pulp the egg,
you are disqualified."

"Most rotations wins."

"You have a maximum of ten minutes."

Pulper wheel...

Obviously.

Then what's a pulper?

I see no egg.

This is a pulper. Right.

And the egg's in it.

Where? Wait, hang on,
what's a pulper?

Obviously it's very tempting to go,

"Ha-ha, he's lived his whole life
in cotton wool,

"he's never used a pulper wheel."

But even much more practical
contestants than me,

this is their first time
doing this, I think.

Can I say I don't know
what a pulper is?

Have you said,
"Your time starts now," yet?

No. I wouldn't dream of it. Mm.

You're going to have to say,
"Your time starts now".

"Your time starts now."

Over this series, we're building up
a very clear picture

of what you were like as a child.

I've met that boy so many times.

Shall we start? Yes, let's start.

We purchased a pulper,
and this is what's going to happen.

First up, we're going to see
Kiell and Frankie

starring in a little film
I've called Pulp Friction.

The egg, you said,
is, what, inside?

In the mouth of the pulper.

Where's that?
I can't tell you any more.

But I want to see.
You can't see it.

How do I know it's there?
You'll have to take my word for it.

Tried that before.

So it's just a kind of
blind Schrodinger's egg?

Exactly what it is.

So what's the process? That?

This?

The pulper machine... Yes.
..has a knuckled rotating drum

that, as it rotates,
presses the cherries

across an iron faceplate...

It might be a different one.

The pulper drives the impeller
to rotate through the motor

and the slurry in the tank
is sucked out.

What's a slurry?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I hear the egg.

Quarter of a turn.

You reckon that was the egg?

Does it sound like an egg? Mm.

Or a calculator.

That's one rotation.

I mean, it can't be pulped
if it's making that much noise.

I mean, that's another way
of looking at it.

I don't think that was the egg.

Right, that's half a rotation.

I wonder, if it goes faster,
it's less likely to break?

Yeah, I think the lack of speed
is the problem.

Oh, yeah.

I know what that was.

Plastic chair.

A plastic chair, OK.

You're on 8½ rotations.

Stopping there?

Yeah, I think that's pretty good.

Nothing there.

It's gone.

Are you stopping there?
Yeah, it's gone.

2¾ rotations.

This is the first time they've seen
the interior of the pulper.

So they were blind, obviously,
and the...the more you spun it,

the higher the egg got
towards danger.

That's how it worked.

Ah. Oh.

8½ turns, then, is quite an
impressive bit of pre-pulp spinning.

Brinkmanship.

The egg survived for both of them.

We've got a score of 8½ versus 2¾,
but they're both still in play.

I put it to you, Kiell, that,

throughout the task
and indeed when you left,

you didn't know what was going on.

I still don't know
what a pulper is.

We wanna show more? Yeah.

OK. Next up to the pulper

are Jenny and Mae.

Right, so the egg is in the machine.

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna go very gently.

That's the egg.

I haven't even done
a single rotation yet, have I?

No.

Oh, fuck it, pulp the egg!

I just want to pulp it,
pulp the stupid egg!

Yeah, get the egg pulped.
I'm not gonna win anyway.

There's no way that egg
is not pulped.

That's one rotation.

I'm gonna pulp this egg,
get it pulped!

I want it smashed to smithereens.

You've still got nine minutes.

What? I can't keep this up
for another nine.

In the olden days,
is this what the pulpers did?

Pulpers would come home
to their wives.

The wives would be like,
"Did you pulp the egg?"

And they'd be like,
"I did eight rotations."

Alex, I want ten.

You want ten? OK. Ten rotations.

It's smashed, isn't it?
The egg's smashed.

That's 11.

I think an egg could survive this.

It's not the egg.

13. I'll stop on 13.

That's 13. OK. Yeah? Yeah.

Thanks, Jenny.

How long?

You've got just 30 seconds.

I will just kick myself if

I hadn't pulped it
and I stopped turning.

I'm intrigued by the characters
that you created during that,

Mr and Mrs Egg Pulper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where are they from, that couple?

Wherever Nancy from Oliver Twist
is from.

Ah. They're all... Yeah.

"Oh!"
Like that.

I mean, I really enjoyed that.

They did very well
but also very badly,

which means Kiell
is still in second place.

And sometimes it doesn't matter if
you don't understand the task.

Right, Part One is about
to have it on its toes.

Open the back door to the van

and we'll bundle Part Two
in shortly. Bye.

Oh, yes. Hello, we're back.
It's the second part of the show

and there's a really noisy task
in motion

to test the bravery
of our quivering quintet.

Yes, they're proactive pulpers,
that's for sure.

None of them knew what was happening
inside the machine

but they knew they needed to
keep their eggs intact as all costs.

So far, there have been
two successful

and two unsuccessful attempts,

so here's Ivo Graham
to upset the balance.

I haven't been very good
at lateral thinking tasks

and I haven't been very good
at egg tasks.

But I'm gonna find the egg.

Can I move this spot?

All of the information
is on the task. Well, yeah, but...

Are you now better informed?

No, I wish I hadn't
seen all this, really.

Ooh!

You've got five minutes left. Yep.

Let's get pulping.

You've got three minutes left.

30. 30?

31. 33.

Ten seconds. The last pulp.

I felt some weird level of pride

watching the Ivo frog
bounce his way round.

I think there was immense dignity
watching my body spasm

with a gloved egg in my mouth.

So it wasn't cheating?

You just had to stay on the spot
at all times.

Oh, shit!
Why didn't I think of that?

Well, he clearly rotated it
more than anyone else.

56 times. Congratulations, Ivo.

So Jenny and Mae don't get
any points, apologies.

Three points to Kiell,
four to Frankie,

but, of course, five to Ivo Graham!

Let's have the scoreboard, nice boy.

OK, it means that those two,
Frankie and Ivo,

are in the joint leading spots -
nine points each. Mm!

I think it's about time
we had another team task.

Ooh, I do too, Greg.
It feels so right.

So here's a pretty sweet one
just for you.

Hiya.

Frankie.

Hello, Ivo. Hello.

Oh, my goodness.
This has gone a bit S&M-y.

OK.

Hello. Ooh!

It's you first.

Me? Mm-hm.

Do we have a safe word?

You've done this before?

Yeah, I'm really at home.

Right. Jenny?

Well, I've been arrested, obviously,

but I haven't done sex games
with these.

Couple more things.

Jelly babies?

Are they jelly babies? Yeah.

They're numbered - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

"Completely free yourselves
and have a team hug."

"Fastest team hug wins."

"Your times starts...now."

OK, OK. So there's a 1 on here

and is there another number
on this one?

This is 2.

Hmm.

Well, Jenny Eclair is the chirpiest
S&M-er I've ever met.

Fun! Listen,
let's focus on the task.

OK, right. I'm looking forward
to seeing them free themselves.

OK, let's see the handcuffed
threesome of Mae, Jenny and Kiell.

There's a key here.

Kiell, can you reach the key?
Let's try.

Stretch, come on.

That's definitely impossible.

So let's think for a minute.
I'm gonna count my 2s.

I've got 15 in here.

One...

Hey, what's that? Menu.

Oh, OK, so these are different
flavoured jelly babies.

OK, well, I'm gonna bite the head
off one, see if I got a flavour.

Four...

Oh, Jesus Christ,
that's the most disgusting thing

I've ever eaten in my life. Six.

I think it might be chicken feet.

Urgh!

Would you like to have
the bottom half? No.

15 in here too.
I'm gonna eat one of these.

Wait, but what is the point?
Because you want to or what?

Is there a plan behind it?

This is a five-digit code
and there's five glasses.

But then what does it prove?

We're gonna have to figure
out what flavour all these are

and then we're gonna have to use
those. But those aren't numbered.

But that will correspond
with the periodic table somehow.

I love your brain. Before I bite
anything, I need to know...

Urgh! Yeah, that's
what I'm trying to avoid.

This is wasabi... Wasabi. OK.

Wait, but what do you mean OK?
Like OK, and then what?

That's gonna correspond with that.
Like, maybe the initials of it?

What's W?

74.

Urgh! Is it awful?

It's mint and gravy.
I'm going mint and gravy.

It's mint and gravy. Urgh!

So you had wasabi?

I think I'm going to be sick.

Mint and gravy,
which is Mg, which is Magnesium.

And what number? 12. OK.

So you think that I should have 12
and then go to the...the 74?

Yes, so 1-2-7-4.

I'm going to keep eating them.

Number three is green.

You can do it.

Hold on. Mae, if I do it one by one,
it's gonna give us a clue

to what it might be, cos at some
point... Oh, that's really clever.

Oh! Ha! Yes. What was it?

0. It was 0, OK.
So what starts with a zero?

What starts with a zero?

Er, so it can be bacon and kale,
it could be broccoli.

Is that the green one?
Could it be broccoli?

That's a B. Er, 0-5.

So we'll start with 5 on
the next lot. We're on to... OK.

It's very bad. It's really weird.

This is definitely
pepper and beetroot.

Oh, that's definitely beetroot.

Lead. 82.

And then the next one was...

..seaweed. Urgh!

Oh, seaweed! I've got it.
I've just got it.

A real hit. Yes, it's seaweed.

Er, 16.

Wahey!

There you go. Well done, well done.

Team hug. Oh, team hug!

Is it fair to say that Jenny and Mae

were the most active members
of the escape committee?

What-what I will say is that
that has been edited... Yeah.

..very, very nicely in my favour,

because I was a monster
in that room.

I'm so glad they cut it out,
cos it was really tense.

I...I wasn't putting fucking
broccoli jelly babies in my mouth.

I mean, that much
quickly became apparent.

It was a very difficult task.

Er, they took the same amount of time

you could listen to All That I Want
Is Another Baby five times -

17 minutes 50.

OK, time for a break.

Just time for those couples watching

who let the family dog
sleep in the same bed as them

to reflect on the day

you threw the towel
in on your love life. Bye!

Hello, and a warm welcome back
to Part Three. Tell me stuff, Alex.

Sure, Greg. Well, jelly babies,
the periodic table, handcuffs

and the ultimate goal of a hug.

That's a typical day for me.
Coincidentally, they're also

the main ingredients of
the current team task,

but how quickly will the intelligent
team of Frankie and Ivo

work out the conundrum,
release themselves from the cuffs

and embrace victorious?

Let's find out.

Right. Shall we both have a 5?

Sure, OK.

Hmm, that's quite unpleasant,
isn't it?

Green...

Might be broccoli.

In fact, it is broccoli, I think.
OK.

Number four is hot.
See what you think.

Urgh! Really fucking unpleasant.

Could be cumin and radish?
Cumin and radish.

There must be a Cr.

So maybe broccoli was B.

So if we took that as five...

Yeah, Cr, Chromium - 24.

But how does that help us?
Cos that gives us two digits?

Unless we add them together.

Why don't we add two and four
together to make six?

Let's see what number three is.

This doesn't have a lot of taste
to it. Mint and gravy?

Yep.

Magnesium, which is 12.
Mint and gravy.

So we add those together,
that would be three.

No. I reckon if you just laid out
the ten numbers,

the first five would be padlock one

and the second five
would be padlock two.

Well, that's complicated things.

I think both the padlocks
will be the same.

You know what I mean?

Close your eyes.

Pepper and beetroot, maybe?

Pb.

82 would give us 10,
which is a two-digit number,

which is no use
in this five-digit debacle.

You love adding
those numbers together.

It... You know, it does seem

a waste of, you know,
all these-two digit elements.

Well, OK, that's the strategy.

I've got so much respect for you,
Frankie,

but I don't think
it's adding the numbers together.

I've never thought that.

Your system or mine?

Well, let's go with yours, man.

OK so 1-2-7-4.

Broccoli, B,
so the last number is 0.

Yes! Yes!

And now... I was so wrong.

Er, start with a 5. 8-2.

Great ready to hug, Frankie.

There's the 1.

Here comes the 6.

Er, you're not completely freed.

Oh, oh, right.

Where might the key be?

There's no key here.

Oh, in a jelly baby thing?

It's not fair that you should

make a task feel
so like it's finally finished

and then it just be getting started.

It's right there above
the periodic table!

This has turned into quite
a begrudging hug, I'm afraid.

Not for me, baby.

Both hugs for me - adorable.

The handcuffed hug particularly.

You felt reticent
to point out to Frankie

that his system was incorrect?

Well, obviously,
there was a period where

there was a very strong chance that
Frankie's system might be correct.

It's co-pilot syndrome, isn't it?

You know, a lot
of plane crashes happen

because the co-pilot is too scared
to say to the brash pilot,

"Look we're gonna hit
the fucking ground here, mate."

And I was that guy.

"Neeeeyow!"

And during it,

I asked Alex to isolate
a picture of the co-pilot's face

when he knew that he had the answer

but wasn't sure
he should say anything.

This is the face. Yep.

Let's talk about points.

OK, the team of three took

17 minutes and 50 seconds.

The team of two took 42 minutes
and...

I'm guessing five points
for the team of three.

Of course it is.

The team of two did achieve
the task eventually.

Oh, yeah, there's points.
What do they get?

I can't give them any more
than two points for that.

All right, five points
to the team of three,

two to the team of two! Very nice.

Can we fit one more task in, please?

Definitely, Greg,
and this one begins with them

making some very important decisions.

This gold pen reminds me of school.

Like, one boy in the year
would have a gold pen.

I'd have it by the end of the year,
though.

Oh.

"Write down a number
between 0 and 100."

"A length of time
between 1 minute and 20 minutes."

"Five ingredients."

"A country, a noun."

"And an adjective."

This seems too simple.

"You have three minutes."

"Your time starts now."

Why does that seem so easy?

Well, then what
do I have to do with it?

Presumably there's some trick
involved.

Number between 0-100, 50.

80.

42. Meaning of life.

75.

7? Lovely.

A length of time between
1 minute and 20 minutes.

Two minutes.

15 minutes.

19 minutes.

4 minutes, 20 seconds.

Also meaning of life.

21 seconds.

1 minute and 21 seconds.

Five ingredients.

These ingredients are gonna
bounce back and hit me in the face.

Chilli. Cherries.

Sausage, ketchup, bun,
mustard, grilled onions.

You know what that means?

Er, no?

Hot dog. Ah.

Basil. Cumin.

Garlic. Salt.

And...

..cannellini beans.

A country? Scotland. France.

Guatemala.

Kenya. Germany.
I used to live there.

A noun. Duck.

Duck. Shoe.

Dog.

Bench.

Large.

Splendid.

Feisty.

12 seconds. Oh. Cowering.

Gold.

Is this a trick?

Hmm...

See you later, then. All right.

Now, the adjectives are more
interesting than the nouns.

Duck, duck, shoe, dog, bench
is what they've gone for.

But two of them went for duck -
the first noun that came. Yeah.

There were a lot of ducks
around the house, though -

that may be something to do with it.

There were? Like li...?

No, not real ducks. Oh, OK!

Shall we start with
the double duckers? Double duckers.

Yes, well they both choose duck
as their go-to noun,

so let's see Ivo and Mae together.

Hello. Hi.

If it isn't
my dream five ingredients.

"Make a splendid Guatemalan duck."

"Make a feisty French duck."

"You must use all these ingredients
and you must also clap 80 times."

"And you must also clap 42 times.

"You have four minutes
and 20 seconds."

"You have 19 minutes.
Your time starts now."

I could have picked any noun
and I picked duck, so...

Which is a food.

..8, 9, 80.

That would be good news
if any of this was duck.

Smells good.

Does it? Yeah, sweetcorn.

Sure I saw a duck.

What I need is to make
a mould of a duck.

Christ! The time!

That's a duck.

Good, really good.

No, no, not so good.

Why didn't I just ask for more time
when I designed my own task?

Oh, it's burning. It's burning.

French duck.

Oh...

Um...so what else is...er...?

I think this is all
about confidence.

Um, I think I've just got to
do it all on the duck, to be honest.

Good evening.

Good evening, Mae.

I've made for you
a splendid Guatemalan duck.

Bonjour, Alex. Bonjour, Ivo.

You have been busy.

Too late to pop a little beret on?

Do you see the beak?

Do I see the wings?

Er, they were removed.

It's Guatemalan
because of this sauce, is it?

And corn comes from
Central America. Mm-hm.

Splendid.

Why is he French?

Well, the garlic is obviously
doing some pretty heavy lifting.

It's too heavy to hang around
the neck, unfortunately.

He's got a beret on,

but I did forget
to do all my claps.

Yeah, it's good. Really?

Yeah. I like it.

Thank you!

Mae, I put it to you that
your duck mould was no more useful

than just chucking two piles
of sweetcorn onto a plate.

Yeah. Did you think the end result
was splendid?

Actually, Alex, like,
went back for a second bite.

Like, it was not that bad, was it?

He'll eat anything, though.
All of that is true.

You won't eat ANYTHING will you,
though, Alex?

I didn't see you sort
of tucking in to my...

All I could do, surely,
was lick your duck.

Niftily moving that spot around the
pulper feels a long time ago now.

It does make me feel
quite sorry for you sometimes,

when you grip your head...
Yeah. Yeah.

..like a chimpanzee
whose habitat is under threat.

Oh, dear.
Right, there's just one part left,

and in it, someone will win
today's competition

and scream, "Yes! At last, I've won
a Professor Brian Cox Pop-Tart

"and a pogo stick! Whoo!"

Hello again!

Welcome back to the final instalment
of today's show.

Alex, can you please sum up
your break for me in one word?

Plop.

Rather than go into detail,
let's get the current task finished.

The comics wrote down
some numbers, some ingredients,

a country, a noun, and an adjective,

all to give them the chance
to make the next part of the task

nice and easy for them.

Here's Frankie making a dog,

Jenny making a shoe,
and Kiell making a bench.

So these are the things
I mentioned earlier. It was a trick.

"Make a large Scottish dog."

"Make a cowering Kenyan bench."

"Make a Gold German shoe."

"You must use
all these ingredients."

"And you must also
clap seven times."

"50 times."

"75 times.

"You have 15 minutes.
Most accurate creation wins."

"1 minute and 21 seconds."

Two minutes?

Yeah, that's what you wanted.

Oh, God.

"Your time starts...now."

You've got just over a minute left.

Oh, what?

I'm gonna cook that fucking potato
cos it's got to be edible.

We've got an eye.

Oh, man.

There is a gold shoe outside.

Mein gelb Schuh, bitte. Jawohl.

I was hoping
that would look like a tail

but it just looks like
he's sort of shat everywhere.

You have 30 seconds.

That goes in there like that.

Hello, Frankie. Hi.

What have you made me?
I've made you a large Scottish dog.

Look, there's
the St Andrew's flag there.

Oh, to show that it's Scottish?

Yeah, but what's showing
that it's a dog?

Um...

Das Dinner ist here.

It's a slightly undercooked
chilli con carne. Oh.

I'd eat with caution and milk.

I normally do.

It's a cowering Kenyan bench.

Please can you show me
the Kenyan aspect?

It's difficult to see
with the human eye

but on every part
of those grilled onions,

it says, "Nairobi."

Oh, does it? And cowering?

It's hiding from this guy.

It's not really a sort of
eating situation, is it?

Very nice. Is it?

This might be my perfect meal.

Taste of Africa?

It's delicious.

Well, I suppose the obvious question
is to Frankie, and it's, um...

..have you ever seen a dog before?

The big red eyes of a Scottish dog.

A singular, big, red eye
of the floury Scottish dog.

And in what way is chilli con carne
stuck in a shoe German?

Other than you kept speaking like

a cast member of 'Allo 'Allo,
of course.

I just was trying my best.

I know that you're going to tell me
something that's so awful.

I don't think I clapped,
I don't think I fucking clapped.

I don't think I clapped.
Did I clap? I didn't clap.

Jenny, not only did you not clap,

you finished with one minute to go
and sat down.

Kiell, I have to say,
it was pretty impressive

that he managed to create that,

and I did understand the imagery
as well.

I mean, I maybe questioned
whether he'd had time

to engrave Nairobi onto the onions.

It's hard to see.

I genuinely was quite impressed.

Was Jenny's chilli nice?

The task wasn't really about
whether it tasted nice.

I didn't have to eat them.

No, I was just making conversation,
you bellend. Oh, right.

Go on, let's get on, if you like.

Here are all five.

Pay close attention to Frankie's,
top left.

Also, he didn't clap,

so it's not that relevant.

Well, they're all so wonderful,

I feel a bit mean giving zero.

I would give the people
who didn't clap one charity point.

So, the top row - Frankie, Ivo,
and Jenny - all one point.

And the other two... I'm sure I'll
be judged very harshly for this,

but I am more impressed
by the bench. I am.

It took only a minute.

Kiell gets five points!

I need a scoreboard update, please.

In this episode, Greg,

two people who've not won a show yet
could do.

Kiell's in the lead on 15.

Frankie's in joint second on 12.

Right, then. You know the drill.

Please vacate those seats
for the final task of the show!

Hello, young man.

My tongue is still sore.

Who will read the task out?

Mae Martin, please.

Say the word given to you
by the Taskmaster

in the accent
on the card you choose.

The Taskmaster will guess
what accent you're doing.

Highest score
after three rounds wins.

I hope Brian Cox
is one of the options.

Are you ready for the first word?

Yes. They've all been given
a country.

We're going to start with Mae,
and go from right to left.

What's the first word, Greg?

Taskmaster.

Taskmaster.

Where is Mae from?

Scotland.

Let's see on the card.

- Oh!
- Ha-ha-ha!

My whole family are from Wales,
Mae.

Next up, it's Kiell.

Kiell, good luck.

Tiskmester.

South Africa.

What's the country, Kiell?

New Zealand.

Oh!

Jenny's turn.

Tashkmashter.

Norwegian.

Sweden.

It's so close.

It is so close. Very close.

Ivo's turn.

Taskmaster.

Is Disney a country?

Generic American in there. America?

Sorry, Mae.

Canada. Oh, close.

It sort of is generic America,
isn't it?

No, Alex.

Frankie, you all right? Could get
the first point in Round One.

Taskmaster!

He's from Ireland.

It is from the Republic of Ireland.

Oh, well done.

So now I'm going to give you a city.

What do they have
to say this time, Greg?

They have to say my full name,
Mr Gregory Daniel Davies.

Good luck, Mae.

Gregory Daniel Davies.

Good.

Glasgow.

It is...

..Glasgow!

Kiell.

Mr Gregory Daniel Davies.

Los Angeles. Yes.

Let's see.

Good luck, Jenny.

Mr...

..Gregory...

..Daniel Davies?

It's the only one I can't do.

I don't think the squat is relevant.

I don't know. I mean, Moscow?

Twinned with...

I apologise to Newcastle,
a city I love.

Oh, wow. That's sensational.

Ivo.

Mistah Gregory Daniel Davies.

I think that's Ivo trying
to sound like

a street-tough New Yorker.

I'm sticking with it. New York.

I'm always trying to be
street-tough.

It's New York!

Frankie.

Mr Gregory Daniel Davies.

Absolutely easy. Belfast.

He's the impressionist!

Man of a thousand voice...
Two. Two voices!

So Round Three's a little different.

This time, it's walking.

On these cards we've got
all your names and our names.

They are in there several times,

so you might have
the same ones twice.

Greg's gonna try to spot
the person by the walk.

Mae's going to start, right? Yes.

OK. Good luck.

Whilst I personally
don't think this is accurate...

..Jenny Eclair.

Are we correct? Yeah.

Kiell.

Well, I presume it's a repeat.

It is possible that it's a repeat.

OK, I'll roll the dice.

That was poor Jenny again.

She has become Poor Jenny.
He's correct.

You know when laughing and tears
are really, really close?

Good luck. I'd love it if it's you.

I know that subservient gait.

Alex Horne.

Yes! It was Alex Horne!

Jenny's off the mark. Now, Ivo.

It was the, in my opinion,
very graceful...

..Jenny Eclair.

When does this cross into bullying?

I've already lost the episode,
I just wanted to have a go at it.

Oh, lovely. One left.

Frankie, with an unblemished
score sheet...

Frankie, roll the Jenny Eclair dice.

I think Frankie was doing Kiell.

Mae Martin.

And there we are.

We'll add all that to the final
scores and see where we get to.

Come on down and join me.

One of your bestest tasks. Good boy.

Thanks, mate.
Oh, can I call you mate?

"Thanks, mate"? No. No.

Yes, well, Kiell, Mae,
and Frankie came joint first -

they each got two out of the three,

so they get five points each.
Well done them.

Unfortunately,
thanks to Ivo throwing a go

and Jenny's Newcastle abomination,
they come joint fourth,

so get two points each.
There we go.

They still did very well.

We have a new winner.
Never guess who it is.

With 20 points,

it's Kiell Smith-Bynoe! Oh!

Kiell Smith-Bynoe wins!

Please pop up
to collect your pop-up prizes.

See you again soon,

but, please, let's hear it once more
for tonight's winner,

Kiell Smith-Bynoe!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media