Taskmaster (2015–…): Season 13, Episode 9 - Episode #13.9 - full transcript

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This programme contains
strong language and adult humour

Ha-ha!

No way!

Uh... Gosh.

Where's the hole?

Eurgh! Oh!

Uh... Are you having a laugh?

Oh!

- Oh!
- Oh!

Hello. And a big old welcome to Taskmaster.

The bad news is this is
the penultimate episode.



The good news is none of

the tasks involve our
contestants' tongues

or the horrific rivers of flob
you witnessed last week.

Four of the contestants have won
two episodes each,

and one of them has won no episodes.

But that's the joy of Taskmaster.

Someone can leave without
a single win to their name,

become a national embarrassment,

letting down their family
and their friends,

and still have fun.

It doesn't even matter who that
person is.

Please welcome Ardal O'Hanlon,
Bridget Christie,

Chris Ramsey, Judi Love,

and Sophie Duker.



And next to me,

a man who told me in
a private moment that having

a woman pilot an aeroplane is
like putting a squirrel in charge of

the peanut farm.

It's little Alex Horne.

I've completed this month's list.

Would you like to hear this
month's list? Yes, please.

This month's list is five
reasons why

I love doing this show.

Number one, it's a great laugh.

Number two,
I really like the floor manager.

He's got a great sense of style.

Number three,
I get free Wi-Fi during the show,

slash there's a great
atmosphere sometimes.

Number four,

isn't it fun
to see how different people

try to attempt the tasks?

And number five, it provides me with
an alibi in case I get accused of

a crime I didn't commit on
the night of the recording.

Those are the five reasons why
I love doing this show.

And now we can start it.

Right. Come on, then.
What's the prize task category?

Well, Greg, today you and you alone
have asked them to bring in

the best object with a handle.

Ooh!

That's right,
but it is episode nine,

so I think it's sort of fair enough.

The best objects with
a handle will mean five points for

the person who brought it in, and
the winner of this very episode

will stride home proudly clutching
five objects by their handles.

What I'm looking for is
a bit of imagination.

That's all. That's all I ask.

Judi. Yeah. What's your prize?

Well, as you said about imagination...

Let it run. Let it run free.
I just let the creativity, you know,

come from within,
and I brought a small bike.

Yes, here's her bike
that she's brought in.

There we go.
Best object with a handle.

It's got a handle on it,
that's what... The handlebar.

You've got two handles.
Two handles.

You might be a one-handler.

I was a no-handler back in
the day.

Oh, bad boy. Bad boy. Yeah.

But what I'm saying is,

imagine me on that bike.

Who can handle that?
Do you understand?

Incredible. Is it?

You have just brought in
a kids bike, and yet,

you've talked it into something
truly poetic.

And yet, still no wins.

Sophie,
can you beat a child's bike?

I've brought you
a wheel of fortune. Oh.

Ooh.

Here it is. Ooh, look at that.
What does it do?

I don't understand what it does.
So, you see the triangles? Yeah.

We're really bad at
making decisions. Yeah.

You stick the decision you want...
It's like a Rubik's cube, but flat.

You spin the wheel with the handle.

Are you proposing that we write
things in the blank spaces?

You can put whatever you want.

I put it
to you that that'll land at

the same place every time,
cos that handle will weigh it down.

I didn't really...

I didn't really expect my fortune
to be combated with science. Um...

And the other problem is
there's only, like, ten possible

things that can happen
to you for the rest of your life.

Yeah, that's more than you
were expecting.

We have got to be realistic
at our age, Ardal.

I'd set... They're all good things.

I'd settle for eight.

I don't know what
the hell she's brought in.

I still don't know.
It's got a handle.

The only thing I want to write on
any of those triangles is one point.

Chris, can you do worse than that?

I've brought a kettle.

Here it is.
And I'll tell you why.

You'd better make it good.

It's a giant jug and,
if you want, it can make it hot.

And when you're using it as a jug,

you can go all the way past
the max fill line.

All the way to the top.
Doesn't matter.

No wonder Ramsey went after

the black and white spinny thing
so hard.

It was very much
a defence mechanism.

Ardal, can you beat a kettle?

I brought a chess piece queen. Ooh.

Yes, here is the chess piece queen.
Has it got a handle?

It hasn't got a handle.
Where's the handle?

It has a handle. Where?

Here.

What does the king look like?

The king looks... a little bit
like her.

Slightly different handle.

They're...
Ardal, you've done very well.

Thank you.

Bridget.

I have brought in a door.

Here is Bridget's door.

Oh, dear. Well, I would like
to see how you got on in your house

with no doors.

People would be coming in,
taking all your stuff.

A door is also metaphorical.

As one door opens,
another closes, and vice versa.

That's not always true.
A door to...

He's right, that isn't always true.
Pardon?

Well, like when I shut my
garage door, I always wait,

but nothing opens.

That's not my fault.

OK, well, you've seen all five.
The last one was a door.

I'm going to do a speed scoring.
You ready? Ooh, I love this. Yes.

So it's one point to..? Kettle.

Chris. Good. Door.

Bridget, two points.

Weird spinny thing.

That's Sophie, three.

Little bike.

Judi, four points.
Chess piece.

Gets five points,
that's Ardal O'Hanlon.

There it is!

Give me a task proper, immediately.

Right. Here we go.
Ding-dong.

Ardal. Hi, Alex.
Are you ready for the task?

I think so.

Sophie, let's do it.

OK.

Where is it? It's coming.

Oh!

Oh, wow. Wow.

Oh. Now
that's made me very happy.

This is very Mary Poppins.
I really like it.

Where do you want the umbrella
to go? Up?

OK.

Wahey!

Ooh!

Oh, thank you.

£50 note.

It's like the best birthday ever.

Get the most surprising thing...

..delivered to the Taskmaster house.

You have... six hours!

Your time starts now.

What, I could just order anything?
Something surprising, please, Judi.

See, in the north-east,

I could surprise yous all for how
much 50 quid will get you. A house?

Yeah, a house, yeah.
Get a couple of houses.

I'm going to order me a man! Ha-ha!

How about a burrito for lunch?

So you're thinking of that?

I'm thinking of keeping the money.

Do I just..?
You have to say the magic word.

Bye.

Ha! I've got 50 quid to spend.

Watching your delight at

a small umbrella being lowered on
some fishing wire

made me feel
fatherly towards all of you.

Yes. And then, when you further went
on to be so excited by

the £50 that you had to spend,

I felt like you were
all my weird children.

Aww, Daddy.

It's called Stockholm Syndrome.
Yeah. We're conditioned.

Well, for me too, Ardal.

But I did, I found it really delightful,

and I thought, "Oh, my God,
all my cynicism's left me."

How am I going to...
Aww... judge them harshly?

Then your suggestions started
to come in.

As far as I can work out,
it was a burrito,

two northern houses,
and a male prostitute.

So, unusually, they had six hours to
get the surprising thing delivered.

Shall we start? Yeah. OK, well,

a wise man once said Love
always delivers.

So here she is. Good luck, Judi.

Alex?

Oh, good,
I didn't have to call you twice.

Hello, Judi.

Delivery!

Go and have a little poke around,
see what's in there.

You want to see if it's real.

I don't like it.

Well, you wanted something weird.

Surprising.
OK, well thank you, Judi.

What do I do with it?

Cook it. Eat it.

Cook it and eat it. Yeah. OK.

I'll leave it to you, babes.
Thank you, babes.

You can't bring it in here though.

I was quite surprised. Exactly.

I was surprised at how much
I looked like the damn fish.

Yeah, well, I mean, you know,
she fulfilled the brief, didn't she?

It's very out of character. Normally...

None of us saw
a load of awful fish heads... Yeah.

..on top of a skateboard.

Never expected that,
did you, Alex?

And it skateboarded down to us. Mm.

I mean, come on. So you spent
a fiver on a load of fish guts,

put them on someone else's
skateboard, and the 45 went to...?

Nando's.

Yeah. That is...

Very good. Very good.

Very strong opener. Who's next?
It's a strong opener.

Just to let you know,
Ben from the team

did make a fish stew with it and ate
it, and apparently it's delicious.

Good that it didn't go to waste.
What's next?

OK, here is the surprising thing
that Ardal had delivered.

Perfect.

What... what is it?
It's an owl.

Well, it's not a real owl.
It's a scarecrow owl.

Wind-operated.

At least I think it's wind.
Might be wind.

There's nothing to wind...

It's wind-operated.

I think a bird would recognise
this as a predator.

And would be very frightened.
Birds are a menace.

OK, thank you, Ardal.

You're welcome.

If we had a little draft in here,

I think it would be
more effective.

Now that we've all got
to know each other a bit, Ardal,

I have to confess that

you bringing in
a plastic scarecrow owl,

it was not a great shock to me.

Was that the first thing
you thought?

Like, "Oh, he'll probably bring
in a scarecrow owl?"

No, but it would've been in my top
five guesses.

I mean, I'd say, like Judi's,
it did look a bit like him,

don't you think? What?

You think Ardal looks like
a scarecrow owl?

A little bit. Can we have a look
at it? See if it looks like Ardal?

Yeah, it's the yellow eyes
that give it away, isn't it?

It's the baffled look.

And the flat face, yeah.

Now that's the most surprising thing
of this section. Yeah.

Good. Who's next?

Next up, we're going to have
a delivery

straight from Ramsey Street. Ooh.

Ah. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Here we are.

Easy-peasy.

Not bad. Fair play to you.
I wasn't expecting two things.

I wasn't expecting you to use
an actual human baby,

and I wasn't expecting to have
the confusing feelings

I had when you were beautifully shot
walking across

the courtyard holding it.
Double surprise.

I feel a bit disturbed. Why?

He bought a baby online.

Oh, sorry, should it...

Would you have felt better if it was
sent down the drive on a skateboard?

Yeah. Possibly. I mean,
you bought a baby online.

Listen, I didn't buy a baby online.
That's ridiculous. I've got a guy.

That's the end of part one.

Hello. Thank you.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.

Are we delivering tonight, Alex?

Well, you are, Greg, and the
competitors are delivering too,

or at least they're trying to get

the most surprising thing
delivered to

the Taskmaster house
within six hours.

Now it's time for Duker's delivery.

Boop-boop.

Thank you. Alex?
I got you something.

Just a present.

They're moving. Yeah.

There are loads and loads
and loads of them.

That one's little little Alex.
Thank you.

That one's little little
little Alex.

I really like them.

I thought you could relate
to them, in a way.

They're, like, very busy.
They have no spine.

Lovely. All right, well, I'll...
I'll deal with these.

Uh, bye-bye. Bye.
Thanks for my delivery.

You are dark, man!

Sorry.

Slam. Yeah.
Sophie slammed you.

She implied I'm an invertebrate.

She said you're a spineless worm.
Oh, was that what you m...?

Oh, I see. Uh, no. No.
There's no... Just loosey-goosey.

It was an absolutely revolting
juxtaposition between

the pretty basket and the worms.

I was surprised,
but I wasn't SURPRISED.

Little little Alex.

Little little points.

Just so you know, the worms were
liberated in the Taskmaster garden

and they're all happily crawling
around out there.

Right. Who's next?

There's only one more.

Yes, it's a BRIDGEt too far.
Here she is.

Ooh.

You've got 40 minutes left.

All right, give us a sec, then.

Oh, blimey.

Is that what you've had delivered?

Yes.

Do I take what he's offering me?
Yeah, yeah.

He looks like a Welsh king.

You can speak to him.

Hello, hello. Are you a Welsh king?

He's written,
"I am King Owain Gwynedd.

"Word has reached
the castle that you claim to be

"a direct descendant of me.

"You are not.
Who do you think you are?"

He got in touch with me,

because he was very annoyed that

Greg was going around saying that
he was a direct descendent.

Why is he holding Hit Me With Your
Rhythm Stick

by Ian Dury and The Blockheads?

Because that's the first record that
Greg ever bought. Is it?

Yeah.

And why's he wearing a kaftan?

Because Greg wears them on holiday.

Why's the king wearing
a tiny swimming hat?

Because Greg swam
for his county when he was 12.

So I just said,
"If you're here anyway,

"I've got these other things that
I know about him.

"Do you want to do that, as well?"

Thank you so much.

Do you want to get off? OK.

Thank you. OK.

OK. Bye-bye.
OK, see you soon. Bye.

It's very hard to find out anything
about you at all. You are very...

Well, you did a pretty good job,
Bridget. I read every interview.

And those are the four facts
you found out?

There's nothing about you anywhere.

Also, do you know what?

None of your family or friends would
talk about you.

So are you telling me,
in that six hours,

you researched him

and tried to call his family
and friends? I did, yeah.

Yeah, who did you ring? I...

My mum will tell you anything
for a fiver. No.

I wanted to find something out from
your childhood

that even you might not
have remembered.

Oh, you need a therapist
for that, babes.

Yeah, she did try and contact your
GP amongst other people.

Yeah. Yeah, they didn't talk.
Mm-hm, yeah.

No-one would talk to me.
No-one would talk, weirdly.

I am related to Owain Gwynedd
the First, Prince of Wales. I am.

You were trying to make out
I wasn't. I am.

Well, you... There's conflicting...

There's no conflicting thing.
I am of direct royal lineage.

This is exactly what it said,

that you were very quite sensitive
about it, and get quite...

I lie about Hit Me With Your
Rhythm Stick being my first single,

cos I think it's much cooler
than the truth,

which is
Roger Whittaker's song about

a dragon called Google Eye.

It was very thorough, very creepy.
Let's make some judgements.

Right. I'm really going to mess
with your system a little bit. OK.

I'm going to give two points
to two people. OK, I can... OK?

I can cope with that.

So, to Ardal,
I'm going to give two points,

and to Sophie's worm basket,
I'm giving two points.

OK. Two to Ardal. OK?
Two to Sophie. Got it.

Then we jump up to four points.
Oh, do we now?

Cos I really started
to get surprised. Right.

No-one could've predicted that

Judi Love would've sent some
fish heads on a skateboard

down that drive.
I'm going to give her four points.

Well done, Judi.
And another four points... Right.

..also goes to the lady who put in
so much research in such

a short time into my life,
Bridget Christie.

OK. But I was most genuinely
surprised to see a man bring

a human baby through the gate.

Yes, and that is what is wrong
with society.

Nevertheless, five points to Chris
Ramsey. Five points to Chris Ramsey.

What are the scores, Alex?

Sophie's at the bottom with five.

Judi, who's not won an episode,
is in the lead with eight points.

- Oh!
- Ooh. APPLAUSE

It's time for the next task.

The task starts outside a lovely old
barn with a lovely old blanket

and our lovely old contestants.
Off we go. Lovely.

Hi, Alex.
Hello, Judi. Hi, Sophie.

Hey. Is there, like,
a big hole underneath?

Did you think that was a trap?
Maybe a hole or something.

Careful.

Why's it got eyes?

So it can see.
Is it a snake?

"Make the longest cup snake

"and lie down next to it
outside this building."

On the floor?
I've got to lie on the floor?

You can lie on that nice little
picnic blanket.

You may only leave
the building twice.

You have ten minutes,
your time starts now.

What's a cup snake?

Is that a cup snake?

It's not a very long one.

Your time starts now.

It's like one of them horror films,

and the black person always get
killed first.

I don't want to go in there.

Oh, my God!

It's literally filled with cups.

The horror that you all felt when
you opened the door

to reveal some cups on
the table fascinated me.

"Oh, God!"

Like it was the most sickening thing
you'd ever seen.

The last thing I expected to see.

And there was a lot of cups.
It was intimidating.

It was terrifying. Yeah.
It was really weird.

Right, let's crack on.
OK, well,

we're going to see three cup snakes
first of all,

and the boa constructors -
thank you -

are Ardal, Chris, and Sophie.
Woo!

How many do you think there
are, Chris? About 1,000.

About 1,000?

500 or 1,000, depending on my maths.

OK, well, the clock is ticking.

And I can only leave twice.
Uh-huh.

And I'm in now. Yes.

What's a cup snake?

Less haste. More speed.
Less speed. More haste.

What's the difference between
haste and speed?

Haste is bad. Speed is good.

Speeding up now, Alex.

Oh, OK. Why's that, then?
Cos there's a time limit.

Is it quite a short limit?

I would imagine so.

What's the world record for
the largest cup snake ever?

Do you want me to look it up?
Yeah, please. OK.

Some of them have measured up
to 175 metres long.

A cup snake? Uh-huh.

Some people have got too much time
on their hands, man.

You making lots of little snakes?

Yeah. And then they're
going to fuse together to become

a big daddy snake.

Well, fortune favours the brave.
I've heard that.

Come on, my beauties.

Are you quite pleased
with your technique?

I'll tell you when I'm done.

Would you mind lying down next
to your snake?

I think I deserve
a good rest after that.

Ah.

Thank you, Ardal.
You're welcome, Alex.

How much time?
You've got 30 seconds.

I was sort of thinking you might lie
on the tablecloth. Yeah.

Thought it was a trick.

You still think there's a hole
underneath it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Quite a bendy one.

Apparently that's a good thing.

Impressive all round, I thought.
I thought good systems, consistent.

Just so you know,
there were exactly 1,000 cups,

so Chris's maths were remarkable.

He went in, went,
"There's either 1,000 or 500,"

pretty much straight away.
I did say 1,000, yeah.

Sometimes, not often,

but sometimes they're not bad
at things. Yeah.

Ardal's is 856.

Ooh. Interesting that we're all
going ooh,

when we've got no
context whatsoever, isn't it?

856 is... I've given you context. Ooh.

It's a green anaconda, whereas Chris
is like a green anaconda

with an eagle in its mouth.

Ooh.
9.66 metres.

Ooh!
And back down for Sophie.

Remember we've got 856, 966.

Sophie - 8...

..77. Second place at the moment.
We need a break.

Just time for you to run upstairs

and wake up your kids by standing
outside their bedroom doors

and shouting a list of
the sacrifices you made

to have them.

We'll see you in a bit.

Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
Alex, recap, please.

Before the break,
the contestants were trying to make

the longest cup snake. They can only
leave the building twice

and so far, we've had three fine
examples from cup snake newbies

Ardal, Chris, and Sophie.
Two to go, it's Bridget and Judi.

Oh, my God. There's so many cups.

Uh-huh.

There doesn't seem to be anything to
put them together with.

Ooh.

Aw.

I literally put one foot... OK.

What's your plan?

My plan is to stack them
up as tall as I can,

and then, I mean, this is going to
take up the ten minutes.

It's a fair old puzzle. I've already
gone out accidentally once...

Yeah... so I've kind of stuffed
myself a little bit.

Yes.

Alex, can you help me stack them?

Maybe.

Cos it doesn't say on
the task that I can't.

I mean, that's taken me forever.

You want me to get on
with this table?

Yeah. All of them. All of them.

I think this,
nothing to do with it.

And she's gone.

I'll go and find
a stick or something.

Oh, Alex, you are.

Yeah, I got a big one.

Should we get this little one here?

OK.

Mm.

What are you...? Bridget?

Are you all right?

Don't make me laugh, please.

You've two and a half minutes.

Ooh, this is going to be
a big long snake, isn't it?

Yeah, is it going to be
a cup snake?

Yeah, cos the head is a cup.

Right. Where we going?

Just there, isn't it?
Oh, right.

You can drop your end.

I'm going to. I'm going to count. one...

No, but you can drop your end.

Will it be better this way?

Have you got any glue or anything?

Have I got...? No.

20 seconds.

There.

I see, so that's turning it into
a cup snake, is it?

That's a cup snake.

That's your time up, Bridget.

Oh.

Wow.

Cup queen.

I mean, Judi,
you were incredibly efficient.

Cos I move like a snake.

I mean, it,
it was just genuinely impressive.

Um, Bridget, a more...

A more unique approach.

It was very creative, you know,

and, well, I stepped out of the
barn and fucked myself, so.

A lit... A little more honest in
terms of the analysis, yeah.

Well, look, Bridget's cup, she did
reach back in and grab some cups,

so decorated her log with cups.
Are we happy with the cup snake?

Yes, I, I am allowing it as a,
as a cup snake.

Lovely. It was the shortest.

Exactly five metres,
a Burmese python.

So Bridget gets one point
for her five metre snake,

then it's Ardal with two
points, 8.5,

Sophie 8.7, three points,

Chris 9.6, gets four points.

Judi, as long as a green anaconda

clinging onto the back of a Yamaha
motorbike with its teeth.

It's 11.21 metres, so it's five
points for Judi Love.

She takes it.
Let's have another one.

OK, it's time for us all to
have a lovely waggle in the shower.

Off we go.

Ooh.

Have I got to find a task in here?

God.

Oh. Hello.

There's a little
Narnian adventure there.

"Poke a part of your body out of
the shower curtain

"and waggle it about
for ten seconds."

So you'll be within the circle,
with the shower curtain closed.

Yes. Something will emerge.

That's part of my body.

Waggling.

The Taskmaster will guess what part
of the body it is.

The biggest part of the body that

the Taskmaster incorrectly
identifies wins.

"You must poke your body part out of
the shower curtain

"and waggle it about within
the next 15 minutes."

OK.

It's got to poke a bit out.

Poke a bit out, exactly.

I'm thinking how could I disguise my
arse as a head? Is that possible?

I've only got a limited number
of body parts,

so, I mean, uh,
I'll pick one of them.

I should be able to do that in
the next few minutes. OK.

OK.

Anything I can get you?
Could I have a wooden spoon, please?

On its way.

With some yoghurt on it.

No, no, no, yoghurt.
Hold the yoghurt. OK.

And Sellotape.

You all right, Judi?

Yeah. Have you got a plan?

Yeah.

This is a very bad idea. Ah.

My body is here,

so I don't know why I'm
going to get something.

To hide the part of the body.

I've changed my plans.

OK. I have a wooden spoon,
Sellotape, and a marker.

And I don't need any of them.

OK.

I've got my trousers on my head,
so I'm not OK.

Um, Ardal, I am sort of intrigued by
the wooden spoon

and the yoghurt.
Will that become apparent?

I imagine the thinking at

the time was that I if I could maybe
beat some part of my body

with the wooden spoon,
it might swell into a...

I imagine that would be it.

..into an unlikely shape.
I don't know.

I, I feel stupid for asking.

And, and the yoghurt was
to calm it down afterwards?

Absolutely. Exactly.

Are you ready to look at
something waggly

and try to work out what it is?
I am. OK, well, good luck.

First up, Greg, what part of
Judi Love is this?

It's been my policy throughout this

to think of you as doing
the least possible activity.

I always put the effort in, Greg.

I'm going to stand by my theory.

I'm going to say
that that's your foot.

That's what I'm going to say.

You have poor old Ardal's
covered himself in yoghurt

and whacking himself with a stick...

..and I think you just put your
foot out.

OK, well,

are you ready to see what part
of Judi that is...

Yeah... within the shoe?
OK, here we go.

Let's see what it is.

Ooh. Nice work.

Thank you, Judi. Thank you.

Well, there we go.
We have a point on the board.

Wow. Yeah. Serves me right.

Can I be honest with you?

Yeah.

My process of thinking was so
lazy that I forgot that

I'd done that.
I thought it was my foot.

We're going to see another one now.

We're going to see
Chris Ramsey next,

so can he also deceive you, Greg?

Have a look at this.

Well, it can only be his
hand or his foot.

It's uncharacteristic for Chris
to be lazy,

that's why I'm not going
straight for arm.

Or am I double-bluffing you?
Or are you double-bluffing me?

Let's say it is a double bluff
and say it's his arm.

OK. Let's have a look.
Is it Chris Ramsey's arm?

Ooh.

He's on the cow.

And I think we all know
a foot is bigger than a hand.

It was a foot and a bit of shin.

God. OK, well, it's Ardal next.

This is going to be difficult
because whatever body part it is,

it's going to be beaten out
of shape.

Have a look at this and
do your best.

He was in there for 15 minutes.

It's hard to believe that a wooden
spoon could do that much damage.

What is that, Greg?

It's Ardal's arm, obviously.

Let's have a look.

You, you can come out now, Ardal.

Thank you.

Ooh... Ooh.

Do you want to go back into
the nice balloon place? OK.

Oh, why aren't you
wearing trousers?

You didn't
need to not wear trousers.

I don't know. I r...
I just d... I don't know.

What were you doing in there?

I don't know, Greg.

He was hoping that you would
think it was his neck.

So that was his plan.

What the?
What are you talking about?

Oh, my God. I'm going to die.

I was sure you would think
it was my neck.

I mean, there was a,
a, like a, like my the face.

Oh, the face? Yes. Right.

Just one part to go until someone
curses Bridget Christie while
dragging a door home.

See you in a bit.

Hello, and welcome back for
the final time today.

Before the break, I was having to
work very hard, wasn't I, Alex?

Oh, you were.
And I always think you do,

despite what you might read in
my secret diary.

The current task sees
the comedians poke

a body part through a shower
curtain and waggle it about.

The biggest body part incorrectly

identified by Greg wins.

Ready, Greg?

Mm-hm. Next, it's time
to get soapy in the sh...

Uh, Sophie in the shower.
Here we go.

I knew you would commit to this.

And my instinct is you've
dislocated something.

I genuinely haven't got
a clue what that is.

Aw.

It's not your leg.
So it can only be your arm?

Greg, you need to give me
an answer.

I'm going to, I'm going to say it's
her weird limp arm then.

So let's see what part
of Sophie that is.

Oh, she's a genius.

Oh. Hey.

Hi, Sophie. Hey.

Yeah. Comfortable?

Not at all. Not at all.

All right. OK.

Thanks, Sophie.

That was brilliant. Thank you.

Well, look, the last person
to see is Bridget Christie,

so what part of her is this?

That's actually terrifying.

It's one of two things.

You've put your hat on top
of your foot,

thus, and you're nodding.

Or you've just stuck
a sheet over your head.

Bridget's just stuck her
head under a sheet

and then put her hat on top of it.

Well, let's see.

Right, well, let's find out what
part of the body this is.

There you are. Hi.

It was your head?
It, it was, yes.

You're hiding in plain sight.
Mm-hm.

Thank you, Bridget. Thanks.

There we go.

Aww. Very good.

Well. Three people have fooled you.

Definitely got a foot, we've
definitely got a hand, a lower limb,

and then we had the hair.
So it's whether the hair counts.

And, does it? Scientifically, a body
part is defined as any part of

an organism such as
an organ or extremity.

Hair is an accessory organ of
the skin, scientifically.

I think it's a fair judgment. I'm
going to give them five points each.

OK. So Judi also fooled you.
How many points does she get?

She gets four points. So it's four
to Judi, five to Chris,

and five to Sophie. Right.
And that's it.

Quick look at the scores, then.

Yes, well, she's still in the lead.

Judi could win the episode.

She's currently in the lead with 17 points.

Whoa.

OK, everybody,

please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the show.

Hello, my sweet.

Hi, mate.

Who will read this task for us?

Bridget Christie's
going to read this one.

"Write down how many tin cans
you think can fit in your bag.

"The highest predicted number
fitted in a zipped-up bag

"within one minute wins.

"If you don't zip up your bag or fit
your predicted number

"of tin cans in your bag,
you will be disqualified.

"After Alex blows his whistle,

"you will have ten seconds
to write down your number."

Ten second to write down one number.

Your ten second starts on
the whistle.

Oh, God.

OK, Ardal, please tell me your
number and then hang your number off

the front little nail on your table.

I'm going to go for 35.

Lovely.

Wow. Well, that is bold.

OK, Bridget,
your turn to reveal your number.

54.

54, and, Greg, at this point, I will
reveal how many cans there are.

Yeah.

55.

Wow.

Chris Ramsey now.

Yes, I've gone for 30. Judi.

I was going to say 20,
and then my hand slipped, and 30.

So it's 30?

In Jamaica, that's a two.

Finally, Sophie Duker,
how many cans? 29.

One lower than mine,
and you lot went, "Oh!"

So if you all succeed,

Bridget will win
and Sophie will get one point.

Obviously there's
a chance no-one will succeed.

We're going to find out in
a second. Your time starts...

Oh, my God. There's a trick,
there it is.

What's the trick, Judi?
Some of them are stuck together.

Some of them are stuck
together, Greg.

It's good they're wearing boots.

Chris is unpacking.

Ooh.

No, no, no, it came out of there.
Came out of there. Here we go.

It must be fully zipped up.

Yes. We have a zipped up bag.
We have a zipped up bag,

that's a relief.

Problems... Problems for Bridget.

Your bag must be fully zipped.

Oh, fuck off.

My zip is broken.

It wasn't broken before.
Please step back. Please step back.

Right, now in a very orderly way,
uh, Alex is going to count the cans.

Yes. Hello, Ardal.

Hi, Alex. Let the count commence.

He started with a big three,
that's three there.

Four.

14.

20.

31.

34.

35.

It's an empty bag.

Well done.

His trousers are still on.

That is an incredible opener.

Let's start the count
for bag two. Alex.

Or, will we?

Aw!

I'm afraid we won't. No.

Bridget is disqualified.
Alex, move on, please.

Yeah, OK.

Two, four, six.

Loud.

27.

28.

29.

Yeah, he's done it, hasn't he?

30. Ah.

It's an empty bag.

Right, we've got a second place.
Or, have we?

Judi.

I'm pissed off.

Why?

I got panicky and stopped counting.

I went out like a black woman on
a Saturday at a market.

I was just packing
everything in there.

We we've all been there.

There's yam, banana, there's
plantain. There's everything.

I'm going to count her cans.

Just to confirm,
if there's not 30 cans,

Judi's disqualified.

Let the count commence.

Three. That's good.

Six. Good start.

26.

27.

28.

29.

30.

32.

Judi.

So close.

Don't touch me.

That is absolutely heart-breaking.

Let's move on.

There goes my chance of winning.

Hello, Sophie. You predicted 29.

Hi. Yeah.

Ready?

Yeah.

Two, five.

Quiet, quiet, sh.

24.

26.

27.

28.

- It's an empty bag. 28 cans.
- Aw!

Hey, come on down

and let's see how that's affected
the final scores.

Pretty exciting.

It really was. I mean, Ardal.
It really was.

Ardal did really well putting
all his... I was great.

Yes. You were a great guy in
the task.

So he does get the five points,
and Chris, uh, got four points.

He was the only other person who
completed the task.

Means a few different things.

The first and most awful thing is it
means that if Judi had written

the number one and then put
one can in a bag

and zipped it up,
she would've won the episode.

Aw!

Hey. I have to say, that does feel
like quite a cruel statistic.

In fact, if she'd written zero
and just zipped it up,

she would've won the episode.

I'm really sorry, Judi.

I'm sorry. It also
means, series-wise,

it's tighter than it's been
for some time.

Judi's on 129, Ardal, 138,
Bridget, 139,

Chris, 149,
Sophie in the lead with 151.

Two points in it, one episode to go.

Blimey.

Exac... I was going to use that word.

And? Mummy wouldn't let me.

So in this particular episode,

Judi is in second place with 17,
but in the lead,

and the winner with 19,
it's Chris Ramsey.

Oh.

Wow!

Chris Ramsey wins.

Please head up to handle
your handles.

So what have we learnt today?

We've learnt a lot.

We've learnt that Judi Love thinks
she looks like a fish.

We've learnt that Chris Ramsey can
tell you how many cups there are in

a room with just one glance.

But what we haven't learnt,
and what we might never learn,

is what Ardal O'Hanlon was doing
with a wooden spoon

and some yoghurt in a shower
for 15 minutes.

Just one show left,

and one big round of applause left
for tonight's winner, Chris Ramsey.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media