Taskmaster (2015–…): Season 13, Episode 7 - Episode #13.7 - full transcript

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No way!

Er... Gosh!

Where's the hole?!

Ah! Ahh!

Are you having a laugh?

Hello!

Hello, everybody.

I'm Greg Davies,
welcome to Taskmaster.

It's episode seven, and it's at
this point in the competition

when the mood shifts
and the real battle begins.

Tactics start to come into play,



and contestants become ruthless
warriors intent on victory.

And I wouldn't reveal what
I've heard backstage,

cos I don't want to change your
perception of any one person.

But as an example, yesterday,

I overheard an unnamed
individual say,

"I won't return to Ireland until
I've destroyed them all."

Let's get on with it,

and welcome our titans
of task once more!

They are Ardal O'Hanlon...

Bridget Christie...

Chris Ramsey...

judi Love...

and Sophie Duker!

And next to me,
the answer to the question,



"Who's Greg throwing chicken at?"
It's...

"little Alex Horne!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Hello.

What's the prize task, you fool?

Yes, this one has universal appeal,

because they've been
asked to bring in

the nicest thing
to put your finger in.

This is a Bafta-winning show.

The owner of the thing the
Taskmaster thinks is the nicest

thing to put his finger in
will be awarded five points.

And, at the end of the episode,
the winner will take home

five finger-worthy things.

Yes, it's a really glove-ly prize.

I know. I know.

Ardal O'Hanlon, what would I
like to pop my finger in?

Uh, I've brought in a finger puppet.

Ah. Well, not just
any finger puppet.

I brought in Dr Jerry.

Erm... Dr Jerry Flynn, er, he's...

I should point out
he's not a real doctor.

He's more of a life coach.

Can you just give me one example of
the advice Dr Jerry might give you?

I asked him,
"Should I come on Taskmaster?"

And I should've taken his advice.

It's a strong opener. OK.

Chris, can you beat
an insane finger puppet?

I have brought in
not a finger puppet...

a finger monster. Ooh. Oh.

Watch out for the scary monster,
Greg, here it comes.

Here it is! Eh? Ohh.

I remember those.

Are they soft? Are they soft?

Yeah, soft, rubbery, really feels
lovely to put your finger in.

Hm.

They were a big feature
of my youth, these.

I'm surprised they've lasted
into your generation.

I thought they were...

No, they started in the '50s,
and they are still around.

He's really tapped into my youth,
back in the '50s,

when I was down the doo-wop.

Erm, Bridget,
what have you brought in?

Fa rt putty!

Oh, fart putty, good.

It's really cold,
and really feels so good.

But also goes...

We do actually have a video
of it doing that noise.

Here we go!

It sounds better than that normally.

Does it? When I had my daughter,
she was induced,

and the doctor had
to break my waters.

They used, like, a little hook...

But he was really nervous
and kept doing it wrong.

So, he kept going in and out,
and it was like...

Anyway, so when I had to try
and make him feel more relaxed,

I was like, "Oh, weren't you wearing
a watch a minute ago?"

And he was, like, in and out,
and I was like,

"Ah, this is like that fart putty."

Ah. Whoa'.

It's funny, innit?

I'm sort of surprised that we've
arrived at this destination

when we got on at
Silly Putty Station.

Judi.

I've brought in warm custard.

It's gotta be a bigger bowl, though.
It's gotta be a bigger bowl.

Oh, you put your whole head in?

Well, you know, sometimes once
you put the fingers in,

you do want to put your face in.

Sophie, what have you brought in?

I know that you, as the Taskmaster,
you like to control us like we're

your own tiny little puppets.

I do.

I've brought the closest thing
to me that I could bring

to this competition. Oh, my God.

I've brought Jane.

I found her in a charity shop.

She was wearing a different
outfit then, obviously.

I put her in my Taskmaster outfit.

What's she called again?
Jane Norman.

Why have they got second names?

So, is she a puppet-puppet?
She's a puppet-puppet.

But the key finger goes
in her brain.

The index finger is powering Jane's,
basically, sense of being.

So, she doesn't talk,
she just sits with her mouth agawp?

What she doesn't talk?
She does talk. Ha!

Here's the thing,

the monsters, they remind me so
powerfully of my youth that...

Same...| can't separate them
from putting my finger in

a bowl of warm custard.

And I still think farts
are hilarious, now that I've

disassociated it from
Bridget's womb.

So, I'm going to give three points
to you three.

I'm going to give four points
to Jane Norman, because clearly,

Ardal really needs Dr Jerry Flynn.

And I'll give him
five points for that.

There you go, Ardal O'Hanlon
gets five points!

Alex Horne, you will play me
a sweet, sweet video.

I will, but first, watch me do this.

Judi Love. Hi, babes.

Hiya. Hi, Sophie.

Bridget. What?

I hope more people call me that
from now on. What, babes? Yeah.

See what I'm going to call you
after I read this.

"Show off.

"Biggest show-off wins."

"You have 20 minutes."

"Your time starts now."

Show off? Yeah.

I don't know how to show off, babes.

I can't wait to see
these guys show off.

Yes, it's a tough task. Tough.

They had to boastfully display
their abilities or accomplishments.

And first up, forget about
the silly Citizens Advice Bureau,

we've got a much better CAB...

It's Chris, Ardal, and Bridget.

Oh, God where do I start?

Start by, I suppose,
juggling bricks.

OK.

OK.

I have an idea. I'll be back.

Have you got a gun?

No.

I'm going to do one thing that
my dad taught us that I think

I might be able to do.

So, no guns, no?

No.

Have you got an axe?

No.

I'm going to see how many balls
I can get in there.

Great.

Oh.

Oh.

Come on. Oh!

Ooh.

Are you trying to knock it off,
or get it in it? Get it in. Ah.

I might pop it just down
here for now.

That would've been much better
with some sort of gun.

Right, I should try the yellow one.

I think it's cos the, er...
buckets aren't heavy enough.

Moment of truth.

I might've been a bit too ambitious,
with what I can do here.

Thanks, Chris.

You were inside
for 14 minutes, Ardal.

Well, I think you'll see
the time was not wasted.

I'm going to balance
this wooden spoon on my chin.

You see? Oh. Yeah.

OK, thanks, then. Thanks, Bridget.
Yeah, bye, then. I enjoyed that.

Yeah, thanks.

I can do this, as well.

I can do it for ages.

Doesn't hurt.

Hurts a little bit now.

OK.

Oh, all so enjoyable for
such different reasons.

Bridget and I'm not normally
this direct, erm,

what's wrong with you?

I thought, "Don't try and
do something else.

"Stay with the balls.
Don't give up."

Believe in yourself.
Believe in yourself.

You've got to back yourself —
If you won't back yourself,

who'll back you, right? Nobody.

Dr Jeffy-

I'm telling you this —
I'm fascinated by what went on in

the 14 minutes of absence.

14 minutes... Yeah... of absence.

And you came back, I think,
with glitter in your hair. Yes.

Er, and you conclusively proved that

you're incapable of balancing
a spoon on your chin.

I am fundamentally incapable
of showing off.

I come from a place where
showing off is, like,

the worst thing you can do.

People in my town won't wear
high-vis jackets, because...

It's true!

Erm, Chris, look at the reaction
your dad gained you.

It was... |—| thought...
..fever pitch in here.

Honestly, that's better than
some gigs I've done, that.

What's his name, your dad? Er, Bill.

Well played, Bill!

And if that display of talent hasn't
done enough to guarantee your return

after the break,
that is 100% fair enough.

No hard feelings,
look after yourselves. Bye!

Welcome back, and hurry up!
We've already started.

Yes, we've already nearly finished.

It's now time to head to the stage

for the final task of the show!

Not really, I'm just having
a bit of a laugh with everyone.

His face... Before the break,
Ardal and Bridget proved that they

aren't really show-offs in a task
where the biggest show-off wins.

Next up, here's how
Sophie and Judi got on.

That is so cringey.

Going to have to tell jokes.

You'll have to come to my show
and see that — my sold-out show.

Erm, I'm a Loose Woman, as well.

Do you know what I mean?

Won an award.

"But soft, what light through
yonder windows breaks?

"It is the east,
and Juliet is the sun."

I've met some famous people.

Blige,

Kevin Hart, H-Town, jodeci.

"Arise, fair sun, and kill the
envious moon, who is already sick

"and pale with grief that thou,
her maid,

"art far more fair than she."

I feel like I'm in
the popular mums' WhatsApp group.

"Be not her maid,
since she is envious.

"Her best delivery is
but sick and green, and numb,

"but fools do wear it.

"Cast it off."

I go to my most favourite
local West Indian shop,

always get a little
discount in there.

Lidl's have sent me free
stuff before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh! To all the mums out there —
I had two kids.

Had no stitches, no stitches.

I mean, clench-clench.

I mean, I can touch my toes.

Both of them at the same time.

Like, good with the kids.

Got close train station.

I've got loads of lovely,
luscious parks around me.

I mean, honestly,
Mumma didn't raise no fool.

I can fry evenly four fish fingers,

four, all at the same time.

All come out golden-y.

Ooh!

Done? I think so. Yeah? Yeah.

5Y9“ bye. Bye,

That was really cringey
and uncomfortable.

We had to force it out of you.

Quite the contrast.

To the extent that I don't
really know where to start.

I suppose the most marked contrast
was when Sophie was underwater,

having performed Shakespeare,

and judi was bragging about how good
she is at frying fish fingers.

To me, it's like a national dish.

When you can fry four of them
at the same time evenly,

and they come out golden —
Hello, I'm that bitch. Hello.

She was handcuffed and underwater!

I think it was really good. Yeah.

But I would just argue that,
that could've been footage

of Judi in any task.

At any time.

I've got some great favourites.

She gets a lot of emails.
That's not bad.

The fourth-last one was,
"I have borrowed a dog."

That was, that was... Hello?

That's the kind of life that I live,
that I can borrow a dog when I want.

"I can borrow a dog
whenever I want?"

I've got a picture of it!
I believe you can do it.

No, we believe you!

Judi, Sophie was
performing Shakespeare.

I gave you culture.

Literature.

Water.

Here's how I'm going to score it.

Oh, good. And I feel a bit mean,
because actually, Bridget.

Oh, not aga...

LAUGHTER What is wrong with you?

So, worse than Ardal? What?

I can't believe it!

Sometimes absence is
more powerful than presence.

And then, there was the glitter!

I'm going to give him
an extra point than you.

Fine. Go on, then.

I hope you can sleep tonight.

I'll be fine.

OK, so it's two points
to Ardal O'Hanlon.

Yeah, and judi — I felt like
there was a drop-off in quality.

'Course. She started big,
and she went to Lidl.

No of fence, Lidl. No of fence, Lidl.

We had a classic bit of clowning,

and then, we had one of the
strangest sections of showing off

I've ever seen by combining
escapology with Shakespeare...

And having a bath.
..and having a bath.

I'll change my mind slightly.

I'll pop them at the top of
the pile with five points each.

I'm going to bring judi up to four.

OK. I'm going to bring Ardal
up to three...

Uh-uh... and I'm going to
give you two points now.

Yeah, that's cheered her up.

There we go so, it's five points
to Chris and Sophie!

There it is.

Let's have a scoreboard, please,
little Alex Horne. 'Course.

Bridget's on five at the bottom.

Sophie's at the top with
nine points!

What's next?!

Team drinks!

Gentlemen. There we go.

Hello. Oh, hello, Ardal.

Hiya.

Hi, team.

Oh, hi.

Well, you look really cool.

But please, could you now
put on your hats?

Oh, God.

And if one of you could
pick up the task.

Oh, I'm not able to.
Oh, I must try again.

Oh, couldn't do it, then.
Er, I'll help you.

Shall I get it?
It doesn't say, I mean...

Yeah, you get it babes.

"Deliver a cocktail to Greg."

"Deliver a cocktail to Greg."

Who's Greg?

"Your cocktail must have
the following ingredients.

"Every ingredient must
pass through a head pipe before

"entering the Taskmaster's glass."

"Fastest wins."

"Your time starts now, and ends
when you have garnished

"your cocktail with the umbrella."

So, we're looking for
fruits and liquids.

Oh, I cannae see a glass either.

I don't like this at all.

This must be what
an anteater feels like. OK.

Did I hearjudi say,
"Who's Greg"?

No, I said — I thought
you said "Heg". Heg.

LAUGHTER Oh, good.

And congratulations to Bridget,
as well, for being the only person

of all five of them
to work out that knees bend.

Thank you.

OK, here we go.

OK, I see some juice
over there. Yeah, OK, right.

Chris! What?

I have some liquids. And
some fruit. Ooh!

How many cocktails?

All the information's
on the task, Judi.

Er...

Ah!

Where's the glass?

Oh, it's in here,
it's in here, it's in here!

Here, babes,
just put this in your hole.

Going to put this in your hole.

You need to put your
pipe over there,

so I can put this down your hole.

Guys, I've got quite
a heavy bucket of ice.

Where? Here. Ah!

Girl, you're strong.

Ah!

Ah! Ahh!

Oh, my God.

Shall we swap?
I'll do that. Yeah.

That's one liquid.
Just a tiny segment is all we need.

This. Got it stuck. Oh!

Put too much in.

OK, well, let me just put it
through yours, then.

That's it, hold still,
hold still.

This feels really demeaning.

Have you got the banana in?
It's slipping out, hold on.

Can you not use your hand?

Hey. Hey, there's orange in there!

The orange is in there.

Nice, right, we need to
leave room for the ice now. OK.

There's quite a bit of ice.
Right, so start layering the ice in.

Plop, plop. plop-

Oh.

I'll stir it, now.

I'm getting another liquid.

Quite a bit of ice.

That's me shaking it.

We just need one more liquid, then
we've done it.

It needs to be shaken and stirred,
so we might need a cocktail shaker.

Right.

Yeah, why don't we make it out of
this bucket?

I'll go and get a lid.

I've got a lid.

That's the sexiest thing I've ever
seen.

And we need to stir as well. There
we go.

Shit. Is this a full one?

Argh! Oh!

Go forward.

I've stopped the clock. Great
teamwork, everyone.

Go on.

Perfect.

I think Taskmaster will really love
this.

If this goes through the pipe, like,
we just can't be beaten.

Did it go in? No.

No?

Ice time.

Come on, fire it in. Thanks, mate.

Faster, faster!

Remember Tom Cruise in Cocktail.

OK, swap over. You go... you go down
and I'll do the ice. Yeah, yeah.

Nice.

Give us a bit of fruit.

Yeah, fruit! You ready?

We should stoop down low, when we're
giving it to him. Yeah.

That's your classic NeGREG|.

Well, interesting team dynamic.

Sophie's job seemed to be screaming
and breaking things.

Judi seemed to be eating half a
banana,

and then, repeatedly threatening to
put a banana down someone's hole.

And Bridget did the rest of the
stuff

and exercised some common sense.

That's the way I see it. Yes.

It's a rare moment in the series,

where Bridget is the voice of
reason.

I mean, the obvious highlight is
Ardal's arse lid that he created.

Like Tom Cruise, isn't it? It's like
Tom Cruise. just like Tom Cruise.

Well, unlike the girls, we actually
used a cocktail shaker.

I mean... They should've used a
traditional cocktail shaker

just like you did, Ardal. Yes.

Yes. Were the boys faster than the
girls?

Oh, it took three times as long as
the girls.

No way! Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh,
dean

So, 13:27 minutes versus 4:30
minutes.

So, the girls 100% five points.

But the boys have to be rewarded in
some way.

They did complete the task.

I'm going to give them two points
each. I think that's fair.

Oh, three, come on. Are you trying
to question Greg's authority?

You didn't know who I fucking was a
minute ago!

Right, time for a power nap. Three,
two, one, sleep.

Hello! Hello, again.

You join us in the middle of a messy
work outing.

We've had some drinks, so now we've
got the munchies.

Hi, Bridget.

Oh, I haven't seen one of these
for years!

Am I about to reveal the budget?

I hope so.

Sculpt the most beautiful sculpture.

Your sculpture must weigh exactly
150g and be entirely edible.

That means that you can eat it.

You have five minutes to order your
ingredients.

Then, 20 minutes to sculpt your
sculpture.

Do you mind reading the rest
of it out loud?

No, no, cos I need time to think.
Right.

Your time starts, now.

Can I have flour?

500g of butter.

For your 150g... Can I get
200g of butter, please? Yeah.

Can I find that 150g before I say
the last line?

Do you want me to go and get
you a scale? Yes, please. OK.

Um... I suppose tofu...

although it's not... it's not
edible.

All I'm thinking of is cheese.
All I can think of is cheese.

Look can I have steak?

But it has to be cooked. No!

Urghg

Some scales there.

Oh, half a mug.

Half a mug?

And it's got to be the most
beautiful sculpture

you've ever seen.

You don't have to make it out of the
mug.

You can make it out of something
lighter than a mug.

Flour, eggs, milk, butter, a rolling
pin...

Get some Dairylea triangles.

Have you read out the rest of the
task, yet? No. No, right.

Can I get bananas?

Spaghetti!

Bread?

Your time starts, now.

Well, I'm very keen to get on and
see the creative process.

Course, you are.

First, we're going to see Chris'
out-of-this-world sculpture.

Lovely.

Oh, shit. That's 65 already.

I'm stress eating.

Oh, that is nice. Oh, I do like a
bit of cheese.

144. I think that's OK.

You think that's 150?

It has to be 150, not less than?

Oh, no.

I'll just make the cheese ball
bigger.

That's too big.

Not nice, that.

150.

Great.

OK.

Right, so, that just stands up on
there.

Ta-da!

Do you know what it is?

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars,
Jupiter — big gassy ball,

Saturn — got rings, two fried eggs.

Pluto — declassified, mate. Not a
planet. Don't worry about it.

Thank you very much, Chris.

Thank you. Be very careful with
that.

Will do. Sorry, before you go...

Yeah... one more.

Oh, God.

F...

Completely consume your beautiful
sculpture.

Fastest wins. Your time starts, now.

God, I hate you.

I hate you so much.

This is terrible.

There goes Jupiter.

Wish it was all gas. It's not, it's
cheese.

It's so dry!

Urghg

I haven't ate raw spaghetti, since I
was a kid. I can't do it.

Stop the clock.

Well, I mean, it's a magical
sculpture, first of all.

Lovely little detail at the end with
the blueberry as well.

The declassified. Yeah, it was
wonderful.

Wonderful. Really nice.

And you are going to judge this on
the beauty of the sculpture,

and then, the speed of the
consuming,

so it's two tasks, really.

Well, let's be honest, he didn't
complete the consuming.

13g was unconsumed cos he said he's
not a child any more,

so he's not going to eat uncooked
spaghetti.

Did you used to... did you used to
eat uncooked spaghetti as a child?

I did used to eat uncooked
spaghetti.

I did as well, and sometimes, alone.

Well, I mean, it's not a group
activity.

Who's next?

Next up, it's the unsuspecting Ardal
and Judi.

Check that these are real.

I'm going to strain the bread.

I mean, this is not sticking, is it?

I'm just going to leave that to set.

Are you making anything in
particular, Judi?

This is a tower of love.

I'm going to craft something
beautiful.

I think it's going to be a
ballerina.

A ballerina?

We're up to 98g.

God, these little strawberries are
heavy, aren't they?

How much does your ballerina weigh?

She weighs 158.

So, maybe I'll take off the arm.

Oh, I mean, honestly, look at that
shit.

Hasn't quite set, yet.

No.

I just want to make her tutu a
slightly different colour.

So, you're rubbing jelly on it?

1509-

OK.

Well, congratulations.

Congratulations!

Oh, my God.

And that is for you.

Well done.

I mean, honestly.

What does it say, Judi?

I don't even want to talk.

Do you want me to read it out?

Yeah.

Completely consume your beautiful
sculpture.

Your time starts, now.

Going for the arm next.

The remaining arm.

Bit more hair...

It's not fair because the chewy
sweets...

are really chewy.

OK, I'm going for it.

Egg shell?

No.

I feel I could've done better.

Judi, I put it to you,

you just made a big pile of things
you'd like to eat.

Yeah. Do you want to see it? We've
got a picture of it. There it is.

Oh, look at that!

If someone sent that you as a
pudding... You'd like that.

I mean, I'd argue that perhaps Ardal
was a little braver

with his creation.

Yeah, ambitious. Anastasia is what
you called it.

Anastasia, yeah. Here's Anastasia.

She's a former ballerina, obviously.
Of course.

And to get the rosy face of a dancer
in her prime,

why not rub a bit of jelly on some
tofu? Why not?

Right, we have to stop now

because Alex needs to have a wee
every 15 minutes. Sorry!

Hello, welcome back to part four of
four.

Yes, and this summary is especially
for one lucky viewer.

It's for Peter from Guildford. Hi,
Pete.

So, Peter, before the break,

the cast were each making a 150g
food sculpture.

It was then revealed they also had
to eat it.

Mm, it seems pretty obvious now,
doesn't it, Pete?

Finally, two more people, who wish
they'd seen it coming...

It's the hindsight duo of Bridget
and Sophie.

Big up the Guildford massive, Pete.
Here we go.

This is... Wow.

Butter.

Hmm...

I've got to get a baby and a breast
and a nipple out of all of that.

Let's pop it in there.

I've got nothing to do, now.

What have you begun to sculpt,
Sophie?

It's like a still life...

of the human body.

I thought it'd be quite stressful,
this job,

but it's really relaxing, isn't it?

Just one?

How many do you have?

Does that look like a baby?

Oh.

The nipples have browned, which is
quite sweet.

Oh, sort of on a sea of milk.

A baby and two breasts, yeah. Yeah.

Have you heard of like a piece of
art called L'Origine Du Monde?

No. OK.

This is the clitoris, the grape.

The bananas are the clitoral
wings... Lovely.

And this is the vagina.

Thank you, Sophie. Thank you so
much.

Oh, Sophie. Mm-hm.

Sorry, there's one more, before...

Oh.

Oh, no. I ca...

No, I can't.

This is entirely my own fault.

It's delicious.

Is it edible?

Hmm...

Don't make me eat it.

It's a lot of butter.

I have made a huge mistake.

It's literally all on the roof of my
mouth.

I feel if I can't eat this,

then I will, like, send out quite a
negative message about...

Like, I want to destigmatise this
kind of thing.

Yeah, but equally, that's about 100g
of butter you're eating.

It's really dry.

I can't swallow it.

Do you want me to get you a little
bag?

Please.

I think it's the flour...

cos it hasn't cooked.

You're not speaking very clearly.

I've stopped the clock.

Is there anything...?

Shall I stop the clock? Yes, please.
Yes.

It was so hard.

So hard.

Let me start with you, Bridget. The
miracle of childbirth.

Do you feel you successfully
celebrated it via your sculpture?

I do. The fact that our bodies
produce milk,

that then, nourishes a child is one
of the most amazing things

that humans, mammals do. I agree.

Um... What better way to represent
it than with...

a disembodied baby's head and two
floating bread boobs?

Milk. And the milk.

It's nice to see the female genitals
celebrated in quite so much detail.

Thank you. It really does feel like
an evolution from

us childishly drawing cock and balls
on windows,

as I've done, I'm ashamed to say, so
many times.

I mean, I just thought of the most
beautiful thing

that I could imagine and I wanted it
to be educational like Chris.

Yeah. What's the broccoli at the
bottom?

That's the bum hole. Come on!

Is it? Yeah, of course.

You've got the vagina, you've got a
broccoli bum hole. Move on.

Shall we deal with the eating first?
Yeah.

Bridget ate the least.

Out of 150g, she ate 8.

Ardal's next. He ate 40g in
3 minutes 10 seconds.

Chris ate all but 13g in
4:26 minutes.

Sophie did eat all of hers.

Some came out afterwards. I don't
know how much.

I mean, she did consume it all in
3 minutes.

This should be a big surprise

as to ate the most of their
delicious pudding. Yes.

Judi ate her dinner in 1:50 minutes,
so well done, Judi.

Five points. Five points to Judi.

Now, you've got to separate them in
terms of beauty. So, all five...

Now, this is going to be a
minefield. Yes.

All five here. Let's go.

I can't see how that's
difficult.

An ageing ballerina with only one
arm.

Oh, if I place your tofu ballerina
above a vagina,

I am finished.

I cannot separate the beauty of the
solar system,

a woman nurturing a child and a
vagina.

And I want you to quote me on that.

So, I'm going to give all three of
those beautiful things five points.

Oh, right. Come on!

So, five points to Bridget, Chris
and Sophie.

And now, I must acknowledge...

if I was in a restaurant, I'd
think that was beautiful. OK.

But I can't, in good conscience,

give it any more marks than a
one-armed ballerina.

Four points each. And we're done.

There we go, we're done.

Five, five, five, four, four.

What are the scores?

Well, Ardal and Bridget have both
got 16,

but at the top of the leader board,

we've got Judi on 21, and then,
Sophie on 23.

Uh'.!

OK, everyone, time for you to head
to the stage

for the final task of the show!

All right, my love?

Who's going to read it out?

I'm going to ask Sophie Duker to
read it out.

Build the tallest tower of toilet
rolls in front of your spot.

You have 100 seconds.

After 100 seconds, you will throw
both of your shoes at the towers

one at a time from the throwing
spot.

Down there, on the stage.

Whoever builds the tallest tower
will throw first.

The tallest toilet roll tower after
all shoes are thrown wins.

So, there's a bit of tactics here.

The person, who's got the highest
tower, has to throw first.

So, if you've got the smallest
tower,

maybe yours will still be standing,
when you get to throw.

Oh, God, it's like chess.

OK, your 100 seconds starts...

Different styles already, Greg.

Who's...?

I think Chris is giving the thrower
a thin target.

The audience are enjoying it, Greg.

Oh, yeah.

YES!

I mean, Chris' is beautiful.

Ramsey's going to stick this on his
chin, afterwards.

20 seconds left.

Uh'.!

Five, four, three, two, one.

Step away, step away.

Step back.

That is incredible.

That's going down. Wow.

It is incredible but it's a
high-risk strategy.

Oh, course, it is.

Yeah, I... Yeah, I'm not even
bothered I enjoyed doing that.

The tallest tower is clearly Chris
Ramsey,

so, please, make your way down
to the throwing spot, Chris Ramsey.

So, yeah, if you do feel worried
about your safety,

you can step back if you want.

Chris, whose... whose tower...

Whose tower are you going to...? Who
are you most threatened by, Chris?

I think Sophie's a force to be
reckoned with,

so I'm going to aim for Sophie's.

OK, well, good luck. She's the only
one, who hasn't stepped back.

I want to go down with my tower.

Yeah.

If you want to throw a shoe...

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

I'll be gutted, if I hit you with
a shoe. Please?

I'll be that guy, who hit that girl
with that shoe.

Oh, my God.

Ready? Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Have you got magic powers?!

OK.

0h!

Oh!

That is top plac e Psy
h some ology_ Oh, my

So, the second tallest tower is
Sophie Duker.

Please, come down to the throwing
spot.

I wonder who she'll aim for.

She's going to shatter my tower.

These are boots. Boots now, Greg.

I don't give a shit.

Good luck, Sophie. Whose tower are
you aiming at?

The boys'.

Oh, dear me.

Watch your feet.

Sophie!

No!

Wm'- Oh. my God'.!

I'm so sorry! Oh, my God!

Ardal, avert your eyes. She's an
animal.

The trouble is, Sophie, you are now
the tallest tower.

If you'd left that up, other people
wouldn't be aiming for you.

It's like chess.

Arghg

Oh, now, you fuck up!

Greg, it's time for Ardal O'Hanlon.

Ardal, currently the second highest
tower. Sophie's the highest.

Look at this. Ardal, Ardal! This is
a man, who's throw shoes before.

Well, you know what? Cos I love
everyone equally,

I'm going to just throw it at
random.

Ooh! No!

No, I'm not. Hah!

I'm going to throw it at Sophie.
No, no!

Arghg

You've got a force field!

Same again or...?

You're going to target me twice?

Take your time. Decimate it, come
on.

No, no!

Ooh!

Underarm.

Uh'.!

Oh!

What a system!

What a system!

Sophie, an incredible performance,
so far.

She is winning the episode,
remember. She is.

Judi has never won an episode.

The only contestant not to have won
one.

Still left to throw, it's Bridget
Christie's turn.

Any thoughts on your technique,
before you let rip?

No.

Ooh! That was close.

Closer than me.

Please, come back to the stage,
Bridget.

Judi, please, head down to the
throwing spot.

Can I just say, my shoes have no
leverage whatsoever?

Well, look, Judi, this is huge for
you.

If you can strike that tower,

you've got every chance of winning
the show.

Did you hear that? You could win
this episode.

I'll give you my shoes, Judi.

But how am I supposed to kill you
with your own shoes?

Is it because you don't want to
touch shoes without gloves?

Yes.

Shall we get you a glove? Yes.

I just don't like touching the
bottom of shoes.

OK. Now, whoa, whoa! Think about
this, Judi.

Who...? Where are you aiming at?

No, Judi, Judi, Judi. You've got to
hit that one,

if you want to win the show. Take
your time. Sophie, I'm so sorry.

I'm worried she's going to hit her
own tower.

Ooh!

Sophie's tower.

You can't win, if you kill me.

What happened? Sophie's is the
tallest.

Sophie's is the tallest. Yeah, that
was the practice, wasn't it, yeah?

That's an end to it.

We'll work out how that's affected
the final scores.

Please, come and join me down here.

What a show. High drama up there.

High drama.

Well, Chris, you were destroyed
instantly by the boot of Sophie.

So, one point for the lowest tower.

Judi and Bridget, you were the joint
third highest towers.

You get three points each.

Ardal remained unscathed — second
highest tower and four points.

But Sophie's performance was
immaculate

and she obviously gets the full five
points. Sophie Duker!

And so...?

And so, this was Judi's closest
chance so far to win an episode,

and with 24 points, she comes
second.

Sophie Duker gets 28 points and
comes first.

There it is.

Sorry. Sophie Duker is triumphant.

Please, pace up to the stage and
poke your precious prizes.

I'm destroyed.

So, what have we learnt today?

Well, today, has been a true
celebration of womankind.

We've admired the miracle of
bringing life into the world.

We've marvelled at the female form
and we'll never forget

that some women can borrow a dog
whenever they want.

Please, clap your hands with all
your might

for tonight's winner, Sophie Duker!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media