Tales of the Walking Dead (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Heist - full transcript
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Murray catches a screen pass...
Murray catches a screen pass...
and slides through
the Wolverine defense
for 34 yards... and slides through
the Wolverine defense
for 34 yards.
Again?
Why you always gotta take a leak
on this weak-ass defense?
Man.
We're a go to pee.
You know, Gilligan, some things
are still nice, huh?
Go. Here we go.
Touchdown! Yeah!
Yes! Yes!
That's how we do it!
I know. Crazy.
Gotta keep the old noggin sharp.
The hell?
Gilly.
There's nothing wrong
with getting older.
Come on.
Let's finish this outside.
I hear 'em, Gilly.
Easy, Gilly.
We don't want more coming.
No! No!
Aah!
"Hey, USHLDBSCRD.
What'll happen first:
the world ends
or I pay off my shelter?"
"DotTheEye,
my hubs would leave me
if he knew I upgraded
to a platinum bunker."
"My sister thinks
I'm too depressed."
"Let me tell ya,
she's the one who's
not seeing things clearly.
You and I,
we're just getting ready.
My husband, Tom,
he passed last month.
I'm alone now."
"I'm so sorry.
But you got me.
Digitally, at least."
"You're the only one
who gets me.
Let's meet IRL."
"I feel the same.
But meeting?"
"Are you afraid?"
Goddamn coward.
"I'm surrounded
by Wolverine fans.
Lots of factory boys here."
You made it.
When everybody else didn't.
The hell you doing?
Should've gone underground.
Shit!
Oh!
May your next life be blessed.
Hey.
You're ringing a dinner bell
for the toe-tags.
Alright, you got a blade?
Tell me. I'm not looking
to open up an artery here.
Yours or mine.
Oh.
A switchblade. Quaint.
Couldn't reach it, huh?
Too much time on weights
instead of core?
My core is fine.
It's your tight-ass net.
What the hell is this thing?
Well, put these on,
and I'll let you down.
And if I don't?
I can leave. Your choice.
Cuffed and sheltered,
or human piñata?
This couldn't have
happened at a better time.
The weather's still good,
and honestly,
you answered my prayers.
Now, I don't want you to feel
that, when I leave,
that you got a raw deal.
This place is end-times-ready.
There's a greenhouse
on a greywater system,
with lots of organic vegetables.
Although, I know everything's
organic now, right?
But, you know, we were
organic before that.
We also have a ton
of weed plants.
Natch.
It's one of my hobbies.
Look, I don't want to be
too Pollyanna,
but if there was ever
an ideal situation
to have your bike stolen,
I mean, this is it.
Good luck driving it.
Oh, you think because I have
two X chromosomes,
I can't handle a hog?
I've had worse between my legs.
It's got a kill switch.
Designed by moi.
And now I know,
so I'll figure it out, Monsieur.
But you won't.
Well, then you just became
my involuntary chauffeur.
Once you get me to wherever
I need to go, you can take off.
Besides...
it's not a request.
That doesn't seem like
a vegan's kind of gun.
Well, I haven't gone vegan yet.
Why do you want
to leave here anyway?
Why did you leave yourplace?
How do you know I had one?
Because you're clean.
And your bike has
some pretty impressive mods,
which would have been hard to do
after the world went down.
Am I warm?
Which is why
I'm still here kickin'
and most everyone else isn't.
No one believed
this could happen.
No one ever thinks
bad things will happen.
But I was prepared,
and I made sure
I stayed far enough away
so nobody who wasn't
couldn't come crying to me.
Happy story, Mr. Sunshine.
You just holed up
with your protein powder?
Alright.
Ready to go.
What's your name?
I don't think you want me
to come up with one.
The nickname "P.P." is the only
thing coming to mind right now,
so...
Joe.
Joe.
Joe. Well...
This is a gift for you.
Come here. Okay.
What the hell is this?
Well, I'm hoping it dispels
some of your bad vibes. Yeah.
I-I find that negative energy
has a tendency
to draw negative energy,
so just, like...
New age hippy bullshit. Oh, dear.
Well, I didn't want to judge
a prepper by its cover, but...
I'll say this,
you do a decent clove hitch.
You got a father
in the military?
Oh, you mean the net?
No.
I just took a macramé intensive
in Big Sur once.
I actually can't believe
it worked.
You were so tight in there.
Alright, we got a big drive
tomorrow. Rest up.
Okay. In half a mile,
you'll want to take
a small unmarked road
to your left.
I'm not deviating from my route.
Well, then you'll be driving
straight into another trap.
More than half the roads here
are either blown out or flooded.
I know which ones.
I mean, truth is,
you're lucky I'm here.
So, what,
I'm supposed to be grateful?
Hey.
Jesus.
There's a sun glare,
trigger finger.
Keep your hands on the steering.
Hey, you're a Doberman guy?
Indeed.
I used to work
at an animal shelter once.
Super cool dogs,
and sharp, loyal.
So dope.
Yeah.
Why are you stopping?
Mother nature calls.
Are you serious?
Sorry.
You'll have to make do.
Thank you.
I used to love driving.
I had a convertible Saab
my aunt gave me.
I lived with the top down.
Do you mind?
I need to concentrate.
Okay, so, in six miles,
you're gonna want to...
You're gonna nick the blade up
doing it like that.
You need to do it
in one smooth motion.
I've had no problems
killing toe-tags yet.
You know, you wouldn't
have to do everything alone
if you exercised a little trust.
I worked construction.
I know things.
I'd like to, Joe,
but what do I know about you?
You worked construction.
Allegedly.
You can pimp out a bike?
Maybe.
You will butcher a Charlie Pride
song? Definitely.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What the hell are you doing?
Seeing who you are.
Very prepared.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop it.
Stop it.
You want me to trust you.
People only carry
important things now.
Put that away, you nosy bitch.
Why? What am I
gonna find in here?
Do you have friends
waiting for me along the route?
Worse?
"We see eye to eye on so much.
We don't think the world
is going to shit.
We're not crazy.
We're just prepared
because we're survivors.
I wish we lived closer.
But hope is the thing
with feathers."
Puppies and poetry?
Who are you?
None of your business.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
You know, if it makes you feel
any better,
I'm on the road for love, too.
In a way.
See, Joe?
Just when I think
there's nothing left,
the world reminds me
there's still magic.
There's no magic.
You're holding a Glock on me,
and we just saw two dead people
stumbling around
with maggots on their faces.
I'm sorry.
Some things arestill nice.
You got to let me fight.
Evie, listen to that.
It's coming from all sides.
Take off the cuffs.
Joe!
Damn.
You study martial arts?
Capoeira.
Sounds like a drink.
It's Brazilian.
Someone took its heart out.
I hope it happened
after they turned.
May your next lives be blessed.
I love you in bracelets, but...
Should we hit the road?
You in the mood to drive?
Ooh!
Hit the lotto.
Thank you to the worker
with a weak spot
for the bourbon.
Oh. Enjoy.
I don't drink.
Just weed.
Mm.
You like orange juice?
From what I remember.
Well, I don't have
the real stuff.
I have the powder in my bag.
Here.
Have at.
So...
where exactly am I taking you?
Mount Pleasant.
No kidding.
That's less than 10 miles
from where I'm headed.
I mean, seriously,
what are the odds?
The fact that we came
into each other's lives.
That's the universe
showing us more magic.
"The Universe"?
You really think "The Universe"
gives a shit about us?
Why do you waste your time
on that crap?
You've got great
survivor skills,
and you are an equipped woman
prepared to handle this shit.
The Universe made me into this.
I mean, I didn't
have it together before.
I mean, everybody around me...
Family, friends, my husband...
All of them, in their own way,
told me that I was lost.
You got a husband?
Mm. Sort of.
We separated just before...
We actually met
at an inner-discovery retreat.
It's like yoga, water therapy,
animal therapy,
art therapy.
We came away with each other.
But he also came away
with something that helped him
get rid of his energy vampires,
a way to flush out his demons
with pastels and brushstrokes.
Wait, what?
It's, uh, hatin' paintin'.
Yeah, so, he would paint
people who pissed him off
or betrayed him
or disappointed him somehow.
You should've got him a crystal.
Oh, I did.
I did a lot for him.
You know, I loved him.
I think.
So, if he put me on a canvas,
then that would kind of hurt.
You think he painted you?
We said a lot of mean things
to each other
the last time we talked.
My friend was starting
that organic farm,
and I wanted to help.
He said if I left,
then he would, too.
Move to his family's cabin
and do a series on me.
It's been more than a year
since the end.
Are you sure Steven is still
where you think he is?
I don't know.
But I gotta give it a try,
right?
I'd been waiting for a miracle
to take me there.
And then you came.
Maybe since you know the area,
you could help me find
exactly where she is.
It gets a little personal,
but...
I guess I trust you.
We're ready!
Wait! Come here a sec!
Joe! You gotta
check this out!
Come here!
What do you want? She
says, "Tired of hipsters
waiting on line by my house.
A gluten-free donut place
opened up on the corner."
"A"... it's inline.
"B"... she doesn't know
what she's missing,
'cause, "C"... I think she's
talking about Idyll Fonuts.
And I think I know where it is.
Are you serious? Yeah.
I got a photo of her house
right here.
I helped her decide on a new
wagon when she was looking.
You seem perfect for each other.
Well, if the weather holds,
and we get a little lucky
with the toe-tags,
we should be able to be there
in less than 12 hours.
Wow.
You know, uh,
this is the most time
I've spent with anyone
in years, I mean,
other than Gilligan.
Um...
it's been nice.
I mean, not how it started,
but now.
What the hell?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Where did you come from?
"Thanks for the bike"?
You poor thing.
Are you hungry?
No! No, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no!
He took my helmet.
Everything was in the bike!
Yeah.
So was my sloth.
Well, now you have a lamb.
Happy?
What about the "unbeatable"
kill switch designed by toi?
It's not on when it's running.
Why did you leave it running?
Because you...
You... You!
1980.
Ohio State.
Tim Spencer, ranked fourth
with 5.3 yards.
We're walking targets out here
because you won't listen.
Well, least we have dinner.
That's not even funny.
No, look at her face.
Look.
Look at her face.
Sheep are a lot smarter
than we think, don't you know?
They have cognitive skills
and form deep bonds.
No, they stick up
for each other and grieve.
They could be man's
second best friend
if we just opened
our minds a little.
Plus, cheese.
You people.
You always think you're saving
the goddamn world.
What now?
You're a catastrophe.
Everything I needed
was in there.
Look.
I'm sorry.
But you should've known
that the gun wasn't loaded.
Why the hell would I?
Because obviously I hate guns.
I should've ditched you before,
you and your delusional mission.
What does that mean?
You are risking your life
to see a goddamn asshole
and his painting.
Maybe you really do believe
he knew you better
than you knew yourself.
And if that's true,
and he painted you,
then maybe
he was right about you!
You're too naive!
And you wanna know my opinion?
I'm on Team Steve here.
What the hell do you understand
about relationships anyways?
You want to be a truth teller?
Then be honest with yourself.
We both know that even if you
thought the gun was loaded,
there were a lot
of opportunities
for you to get away,
but you didn't want to
because you're lonely, Joe.
Keep telling yourself that...
You're the pathetic one.
The world may be toast,
but at least I have happy
memories to keep me going.
What the fuck do you have?
Rations?
A septic system?
You were so busy trying
to survive the end of the world,
yours never got started.
Fuck you.
May your next life be blessed.
USHLDBSCRD.
Hey.
What...
Oh, come on.
Come on!
What...
USHLDBSCRD!
It's me! DotTheEye!
You know me!
I came to see if you're okay!
I lost everything to get here!
Yo! Yo!
Yeah... Oh.
Whoa!
DotTheEye?
No.
Figured out
you weren't in Alaska.
I-I guess you can call me
Sandra now.
I'm Joe.
Holy shit, it's really you.
You never know what
you might find in person...
but the apocalypse
has done you well.
No.
No. Oh...
I'm all sweaty and gross.
I was on the elliptical
and then the squats and...
It's leg day. I...
I don't know why
I'm telling you all this.
I promised you a proper
sweet Buckeye if we ever met.
Forgive me for not bringing one.
I forgive you.
Shit!
Oh, I got you.
I got you.
Steven?
Hated.
Hated.
Definitely hated.
Loved.
I hope you made it.
This is gonna help me?
It's not Betty Crocker's.
Oh, you must've had
such a long journey.
Are you starving?
I am just so happy to see you.
Mm. You really like
this song, huh?
I can flip to the B-side.
No.
It's... calming.
You know, I thought
about you this last year.
A lot.
More than a lot.
I knew you were a survivor,
that you'd make it.
But I didn't think
you'd actually look for me.
Not in a million years.
Neither did I.
But, uh...
my best friend, Gilligan...
Your dog, right?
You remember.
Well, he, uh... I lost him.
So I was alone,
and I got to thinking,
it's hard to find people
you connect with, you know?
And, uh...
Sorry you lost Gilly.
But I'm thankful
that it led you here.
It's getting late.
Are you spending the night?
I think the closest Best Western
is booked solid.
Hold on.
I, uh... I have to freshen up.
I wasn't expecting you,
obviously.
Okay.
This is some strong stuff.
Let yourself go.
See, that's the problem.
I let myself go,
and I see some dark things.
People I forgot.
Or who forgot me.
Jesus.
This has a punch.
Think of something happy.
Think of Gilly.
Think of football.
Sandra?
I'm here, darlin'.
Can I have some water?
I wish I had met you
when you were still
who you actually were.
We coulda been happy.
Ooh! Wha...
W-What's this for?
For a game.
You'll like it.
Oh, okay.
Why are you here?
Can you loosen these, please?
Hey.
Hey! Aah.
Why are you here, Joe?
To find you!
Why?
You want my place, don't you?
What?! No!
I want you!
I don't believe you!!
Ow!
The first few months
down here were tough.
Not the staying alive part.
That was easy.
Obviously, I was prepared.
Ignoring all the screams?
That was the hard part.
You did what you had to do.
People, they would find me here.
They would bang on my door,
they'd plead.
So I started listening
to the music.
The music saved me.
One night, um,
a man, he, uh...
He got in.
Do you think he was friendly?
Neighborly? Hell no.
Do you think
that he would kill me
and steal all that I had built?
Hell yes.
I didn't have a choice.
Who could blame you?
He had a nice watch.
I liked the way it glimmered,
so I kept it.
But one is never enough.
I still hear the screams.
I already hear yours.
No!
What the fuck?
I'll scream for you
if I have to.
You didn't come alone.
I did.
Bullshit!
Liar!
This was your plan.
To snake me out
and take all of it
for you and your whore.
Joe!
Joe!
Ma'am?
USHLDBSCRD?
Is that a question or a warning?
Both.
Then yes and yes.
A storm of dead-eyes
are gonna be hitting here soon.
You should come with me.
Hungry?
Oh.
Thanks.
That's really good.
It's homemade.
Uh, so how far
did you travel on foot?
15 miles.
Kick your boots off.
It's alright.
So, how...
How did you know my handle?
Did we chat?
No, um...
You know my friend Joe.
Joe?
It doesn't ring a bell.
Uh, he's a grump.
Um, he likes the football.
Iowa or something.
Huh?
Rings a bell.
Um, it was Ohio, I think.
So you doknow him?
Uh, I think I remember.
He came all this way for me?
Um...
Well, he didn't, though.
I don... I don't mean
to be callous, but
maybe he...
Maybe he didn't make it.
No, he had to.
He...
He just had to.
He's a survivor.
He is, yes.
Yes, isn't he?
How are you feeling?
Relaxed?
Should I be?
Have some more.
You know, it's shady
to give someone an edible
without telling them.
Edible? What?
I'm a connoisseur.
And you've been lying
this whole time.
Ohh!
Oh. Oh, my God.
Oh.
Can we get outta here?
Please.
Look.
Oh.
Did you eat her brownies?
No rush!
You're light as a feather.
Come on.
God, this bitch won't quit!
Come on. Come on.
Aah!
And you thought
Steven was a dick?
So, you find him?
No.
But that's okay.
Why am I so hungry?
W-What is happening?
That was fuckin' dramatic.
Joe?
Joe?
I thought you left.
Mother nature.
Why'd you think I left?
Maybe you remembered
you were a loner
or maybe...
I don't know.
I never thanked you
for coming back.
You don't have to.
Thank you.
Stupid...
My life...
It never got started.
I had something precious,
and I did everything to make
sure no one could touch it.
I made it worthless
that way, Evie.
The hell I do?
So start now.
What?
It's not over.
You have a person
standing right in front of you.
I mean, maybe there's more
out there, too.
I mean, look around.
You are a part of this
screwed-up, beautiful place.
Beautiful?
Well, like... Well, not here.
Out there.
She got a name?
Not yet.
Any ideas?
Skipper?
I heard people who
are attacking people...
Scratching, biting.
People need to chill.
Everybody's fine.
What?!
You're fired.
People are going crazy.
Have you ever had
a really bad déjà vu?
Go to hell!
We're already there!
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Murray catches a screen pass...
Murray catches a screen pass...
and slides through
the Wolverine defense
for 34 yards... and slides through
the Wolverine defense
for 34 yards.
Again?
Why you always gotta take a leak
on this weak-ass defense?
Man.
We're a go to pee.
You know, Gilligan, some things
are still nice, huh?
Go. Here we go.
Touchdown! Yeah!
Yes! Yes!
That's how we do it!
I know. Crazy.
Gotta keep the old noggin sharp.
The hell?
Gilly.
There's nothing wrong
with getting older.
Come on.
Let's finish this outside.
I hear 'em, Gilly.
Easy, Gilly.
We don't want more coming.
No! No!
Aah!
"Hey, USHLDBSCRD.
What'll happen first:
the world ends
or I pay off my shelter?"
"DotTheEye,
my hubs would leave me
if he knew I upgraded
to a platinum bunker."
"My sister thinks
I'm too depressed."
"Let me tell ya,
she's the one who's
not seeing things clearly.
You and I,
we're just getting ready.
My husband, Tom,
he passed last month.
I'm alone now."
"I'm so sorry.
But you got me.
Digitally, at least."
"You're the only one
who gets me.
Let's meet IRL."
"I feel the same.
But meeting?"
"Are you afraid?"
Goddamn coward.
"I'm surrounded
by Wolverine fans.
Lots of factory boys here."
You made it.
When everybody else didn't.
The hell you doing?
Should've gone underground.
Shit!
Oh!
May your next life be blessed.
Hey.
You're ringing a dinner bell
for the toe-tags.
Alright, you got a blade?
Tell me. I'm not looking
to open up an artery here.
Yours or mine.
Oh.
A switchblade. Quaint.
Couldn't reach it, huh?
Too much time on weights
instead of core?
My core is fine.
It's your tight-ass net.
What the hell is this thing?
Well, put these on,
and I'll let you down.
And if I don't?
I can leave. Your choice.
Cuffed and sheltered,
or human piñata?
This couldn't have
happened at a better time.
The weather's still good,
and honestly,
you answered my prayers.
Now, I don't want you to feel
that, when I leave,
that you got a raw deal.
This place is end-times-ready.
There's a greenhouse
on a greywater system,
with lots of organic vegetables.
Although, I know everything's
organic now, right?
But, you know, we were
organic before that.
We also have a ton
of weed plants.
Natch.
It's one of my hobbies.
Look, I don't want to be
too Pollyanna,
but if there was ever
an ideal situation
to have your bike stolen,
I mean, this is it.
Good luck driving it.
Oh, you think because I have
two X chromosomes,
I can't handle a hog?
I've had worse between my legs.
It's got a kill switch.
Designed by moi.
And now I know,
so I'll figure it out, Monsieur.
But you won't.
Well, then you just became
my involuntary chauffeur.
Once you get me to wherever
I need to go, you can take off.
Besides...
it's not a request.
That doesn't seem like
a vegan's kind of gun.
Well, I haven't gone vegan yet.
Why do you want
to leave here anyway?
Why did you leave yourplace?
How do you know I had one?
Because you're clean.
And your bike has
some pretty impressive mods,
which would have been hard to do
after the world went down.
Am I warm?
Which is why
I'm still here kickin'
and most everyone else isn't.
No one believed
this could happen.
No one ever thinks
bad things will happen.
But I was prepared,
and I made sure
I stayed far enough away
so nobody who wasn't
couldn't come crying to me.
Happy story, Mr. Sunshine.
You just holed up
with your protein powder?
Alright.
Ready to go.
What's your name?
I don't think you want me
to come up with one.
The nickname "P.P." is the only
thing coming to mind right now,
so...
Joe.
Joe.
Joe. Well...
This is a gift for you.
Come here. Okay.
What the hell is this?
Well, I'm hoping it dispels
some of your bad vibes. Yeah.
I-I find that negative energy
has a tendency
to draw negative energy,
so just, like...
New age hippy bullshit. Oh, dear.
Well, I didn't want to judge
a prepper by its cover, but...
I'll say this,
you do a decent clove hitch.
You got a father
in the military?
Oh, you mean the net?
No.
I just took a macramé intensive
in Big Sur once.
I actually can't believe
it worked.
You were so tight in there.
Alright, we got a big drive
tomorrow. Rest up.
Okay. In half a mile,
you'll want to take
a small unmarked road
to your left.
I'm not deviating from my route.
Well, then you'll be driving
straight into another trap.
More than half the roads here
are either blown out or flooded.
I know which ones.
I mean, truth is,
you're lucky I'm here.
So, what,
I'm supposed to be grateful?
Hey.
Jesus.
There's a sun glare,
trigger finger.
Keep your hands on the steering.
Hey, you're a Doberman guy?
Indeed.
I used to work
at an animal shelter once.
Super cool dogs,
and sharp, loyal.
So dope.
Yeah.
Why are you stopping?
Mother nature calls.
Are you serious?
Sorry.
You'll have to make do.
Thank you.
I used to love driving.
I had a convertible Saab
my aunt gave me.
I lived with the top down.
Do you mind?
I need to concentrate.
Okay, so, in six miles,
you're gonna want to...
You're gonna nick the blade up
doing it like that.
You need to do it
in one smooth motion.
I've had no problems
killing toe-tags yet.
You know, you wouldn't
have to do everything alone
if you exercised a little trust.
I worked construction.
I know things.
I'd like to, Joe,
but what do I know about you?
You worked construction.
Allegedly.
You can pimp out a bike?
Maybe.
You will butcher a Charlie Pride
song? Definitely.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What the hell are you doing?
Seeing who you are.
Very prepared.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop it.
Stop it.
You want me to trust you.
People only carry
important things now.
Put that away, you nosy bitch.
Why? What am I
gonna find in here?
Do you have friends
waiting for me along the route?
Worse?
"We see eye to eye on so much.
We don't think the world
is going to shit.
We're not crazy.
We're just prepared
because we're survivors.
I wish we lived closer.
But hope is the thing
with feathers."
Puppies and poetry?
Who are you?
None of your business.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
You know, if it makes you feel
any better,
I'm on the road for love, too.
In a way.
See, Joe?
Just when I think
there's nothing left,
the world reminds me
there's still magic.
There's no magic.
You're holding a Glock on me,
and we just saw two dead people
stumbling around
with maggots on their faces.
I'm sorry.
Some things arestill nice.
You got to let me fight.
Evie, listen to that.
It's coming from all sides.
Take off the cuffs.
Joe!
Damn.
You study martial arts?
Capoeira.
Sounds like a drink.
It's Brazilian.
Someone took its heart out.
I hope it happened
after they turned.
May your next lives be blessed.
I love you in bracelets, but...
Should we hit the road?
You in the mood to drive?
Ooh!
Hit the lotto.
Thank you to the worker
with a weak spot
for the bourbon.
Oh. Enjoy.
I don't drink.
Just weed.
Mm.
You like orange juice?
From what I remember.
Well, I don't have
the real stuff.
I have the powder in my bag.
Here.
Have at.
So...
where exactly am I taking you?
Mount Pleasant.
No kidding.
That's less than 10 miles
from where I'm headed.
I mean, seriously,
what are the odds?
The fact that we came
into each other's lives.
That's the universe
showing us more magic.
"The Universe"?
You really think "The Universe"
gives a shit about us?
Why do you waste your time
on that crap?
You've got great
survivor skills,
and you are an equipped woman
prepared to handle this shit.
The Universe made me into this.
I mean, I didn't
have it together before.
I mean, everybody around me...
Family, friends, my husband...
All of them, in their own way,
told me that I was lost.
You got a husband?
Mm. Sort of.
We separated just before...
We actually met
at an inner-discovery retreat.
It's like yoga, water therapy,
animal therapy,
art therapy.
We came away with each other.
But he also came away
with something that helped him
get rid of his energy vampires,
a way to flush out his demons
with pastels and brushstrokes.
Wait, what?
It's, uh, hatin' paintin'.
Yeah, so, he would paint
people who pissed him off
or betrayed him
or disappointed him somehow.
You should've got him a crystal.
Oh, I did.
I did a lot for him.
You know, I loved him.
I think.
So, if he put me on a canvas,
then that would kind of hurt.
You think he painted you?
We said a lot of mean things
to each other
the last time we talked.
My friend was starting
that organic farm,
and I wanted to help.
He said if I left,
then he would, too.
Move to his family's cabin
and do a series on me.
It's been more than a year
since the end.
Are you sure Steven is still
where you think he is?
I don't know.
But I gotta give it a try,
right?
I'd been waiting for a miracle
to take me there.
And then you came.
Maybe since you know the area,
you could help me find
exactly where she is.
It gets a little personal,
but...
I guess I trust you.
We're ready!
Wait! Come here a sec!
Joe! You gotta
check this out!
Come here!
What do you want? She
says, "Tired of hipsters
waiting on line by my house.
A gluten-free donut place
opened up on the corner."
"A"... it's inline.
"B"... she doesn't know
what she's missing,
'cause, "C"... I think she's
talking about Idyll Fonuts.
And I think I know where it is.
Are you serious? Yeah.
I got a photo of her house
right here.
I helped her decide on a new
wagon when she was looking.
You seem perfect for each other.
Well, if the weather holds,
and we get a little lucky
with the toe-tags,
we should be able to be there
in less than 12 hours.
Wow.
You know, uh,
this is the most time
I've spent with anyone
in years, I mean,
other than Gilligan.
Um...
it's been nice.
I mean, not how it started,
but now.
What the hell?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Where did you come from?
"Thanks for the bike"?
You poor thing.
Are you hungry?
No! No, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no!
He took my helmet.
Everything was in the bike!
Yeah.
So was my sloth.
Well, now you have a lamb.
Happy?
What about the "unbeatable"
kill switch designed by toi?
It's not on when it's running.
Why did you leave it running?
Because you...
You... You!
1980.
Ohio State.
Tim Spencer, ranked fourth
with 5.3 yards.
We're walking targets out here
because you won't listen.
Well, least we have dinner.
That's not even funny.
No, look at her face.
Look.
Look at her face.
Sheep are a lot smarter
than we think, don't you know?
They have cognitive skills
and form deep bonds.
No, they stick up
for each other and grieve.
They could be man's
second best friend
if we just opened
our minds a little.
Plus, cheese.
You people.
You always think you're saving
the goddamn world.
What now?
You're a catastrophe.
Everything I needed
was in there.
Look.
I'm sorry.
But you should've known
that the gun wasn't loaded.
Why the hell would I?
Because obviously I hate guns.
I should've ditched you before,
you and your delusional mission.
What does that mean?
You are risking your life
to see a goddamn asshole
and his painting.
Maybe you really do believe
he knew you better
than you knew yourself.
And if that's true,
and he painted you,
then maybe
he was right about you!
You're too naive!
And you wanna know my opinion?
I'm on Team Steve here.
What the hell do you understand
about relationships anyways?
You want to be a truth teller?
Then be honest with yourself.
We both know that even if you
thought the gun was loaded,
there were a lot
of opportunities
for you to get away,
but you didn't want to
because you're lonely, Joe.
Keep telling yourself that...
You're the pathetic one.
The world may be toast,
but at least I have happy
memories to keep me going.
What the fuck do you have?
Rations?
A septic system?
You were so busy trying
to survive the end of the world,
yours never got started.
Fuck you.
May your next life be blessed.
USHLDBSCRD.
Hey.
What...
Oh, come on.
Come on!
What...
USHLDBSCRD!
It's me! DotTheEye!
You know me!
I came to see if you're okay!
I lost everything to get here!
Yo! Yo!
Yeah... Oh.
Whoa!
DotTheEye?
No.
Figured out
you weren't in Alaska.
I-I guess you can call me
Sandra now.
I'm Joe.
Holy shit, it's really you.
You never know what
you might find in person...
but the apocalypse
has done you well.
No.
No. Oh...
I'm all sweaty and gross.
I was on the elliptical
and then the squats and...
It's leg day. I...
I don't know why
I'm telling you all this.
I promised you a proper
sweet Buckeye if we ever met.
Forgive me for not bringing one.
I forgive you.
Shit!
Oh, I got you.
I got you.
Steven?
Hated.
Hated.
Definitely hated.
Loved.
I hope you made it.
This is gonna help me?
It's not Betty Crocker's.
Oh, you must've had
such a long journey.
Are you starving?
I am just so happy to see you.
Mm. You really like
this song, huh?
I can flip to the B-side.
No.
It's... calming.
You know, I thought
about you this last year.
A lot.
More than a lot.
I knew you were a survivor,
that you'd make it.
But I didn't think
you'd actually look for me.
Not in a million years.
Neither did I.
But, uh...
my best friend, Gilligan...
Your dog, right?
You remember.
Well, he, uh... I lost him.
So I was alone,
and I got to thinking,
it's hard to find people
you connect with, you know?
And, uh...
Sorry you lost Gilly.
But I'm thankful
that it led you here.
It's getting late.
Are you spending the night?
I think the closest Best Western
is booked solid.
Hold on.
I, uh... I have to freshen up.
I wasn't expecting you,
obviously.
Okay.
This is some strong stuff.
Let yourself go.
See, that's the problem.
I let myself go,
and I see some dark things.
People I forgot.
Or who forgot me.
Jesus.
This has a punch.
Think of something happy.
Think of Gilly.
Think of football.
Sandra?
I'm here, darlin'.
Can I have some water?
I wish I had met you
when you were still
who you actually were.
We coulda been happy.
Ooh! Wha...
W-What's this for?
For a game.
You'll like it.
Oh, okay.
Why are you here?
Can you loosen these, please?
Hey.
Hey! Aah.
Why are you here, Joe?
To find you!
Why?
You want my place, don't you?
What?! No!
I want you!
I don't believe you!!
Ow!
The first few months
down here were tough.
Not the staying alive part.
That was easy.
Obviously, I was prepared.
Ignoring all the screams?
That was the hard part.
You did what you had to do.
People, they would find me here.
They would bang on my door,
they'd plead.
So I started listening
to the music.
The music saved me.
One night, um,
a man, he, uh...
He got in.
Do you think he was friendly?
Neighborly? Hell no.
Do you think
that he would kill me
and steal all that I had built?
Hell yes.
I didn't have a choice.
Who could blame you?
He had a nice watch.
I liked the way it glimmered,
so I kept it.
But one is never enough.
I still hear the screams.
I already hear yours.
No!
What the fuck?
I'll scream for you
if I have to.
You didn't come alone.
I did.
Bullshit!
Liar!
This was your plan.
To snake me out
and take all of it
for you and your whore.
Joe!
Joe!
Ma'am?
USHLDBSCRD?
Is that a question or a warning?
Both.
Then yes and yes.
A storm of dead-eyes
are gonna be hitting here soon.
You should come with me.
Hungry?
Oh.
Thanks.
That's really good.
It's homemade.
Uh, so how far
did you travel on foot?
15 miles.
Kick your boots off.
It's alright.
So, how...
How did you know my handle?
Did we chat?
No, um...
You know my friend Joe.
Joe?
It doesn't ring a bell.
Uh, he's a grump.
Um, he likes the football.
Iowa or something.
Huh?
Rings a bell.
Um, it was Ohio, I think.
So you doknow him?
Uh, I think I remember.
He came all this way for me?
Um...
Well, he didn't, though.
I don... I don't mean
to be callous, but
maybe he...
Maybe he didn't make it.
No, he had to.
He...
He just had to.
He's a survivor.
He is, yes.
Yes, isn't he?
How are you feeling?
Relaxed?
Should I be?
Have some more.
You know, it's shady
to give someone an edible
without telling them.
Edible? What?
I'm a connoisseur.
And you've been lying
this whole time.
Ohh!
Oh. Oh, my God.
Oh.
Can we get outta here?
Please.
Look.
Oh.
Did you eat her brownies?
No rush!
You're light as a feather.
Come on.
God, this bitch won't quit!
Come on. Come on.
Aah!
And you thought
Steven was a dick?
So, you find him?
No.
But that's okay.
Why am I so hungry?
W-What is happening?
That was fuckin' dramatic.
Joe?
Joe?
I thought you left.
Mother nature.
Why'd you think I left?
Maybe you remembered
you were a loner
or maybe...
I don't know.
I never thanked you
for coming back.
You don't have to.
Thank you.
Stupid...
My life...
It never got started.
I had something precious,
and I did everything to make
sure no one could touch it.
I made it worthless
that way, Evie.
The hell I do?
So start now.
What?
It's not over.
You have a person
standing right in front of you.
I mean, maybe there's more
out there, too.
I mean, look around.
You are a part of this
screwed-up, beautiful place.
Beautiful?
Well, like... Well, not here.
Out there.
She got a name?
Not yet.
Any ideas?
Skipper?
I heard people who
are attacking people...
Scratching, biting.
People need to chill.
Everybody's fine.
What?!
You're fired.
People are going crazy.
Have you ever had
a really bad déjà vu?
Go to hell!
We're already there!
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.