Tales of the City (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - She Messy - full transcript

Jesus.

You're not gonna give him anything?

Why not?

I like his sign.

He misspelled "attorney."

Have a nice day.

Easy for you to say.

People here are insane.

I find them charming.

I bet you do.

What's that supposed to mean?



Nothing.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's Safeway!

That's where I met Mouse.

Connie took me there one night. She said
it was a great place to meet men, and...

She wasn't wrong,
now that I think about it.

You tried to pick up Michael?

Actually, I tried to pick up
his boyfriend.

I was fearless then.

Robert.

Could... Could you...
Could you stop, up here, please?

What are you doing?

Robert...

- I think I need to...
- What? Stay?



I won't be gone long.
Just... Just a couple of days.

Unbelievable.

You're running away again.
Just like you always do.

Actually, I think I'm running towards
this time.

That's why I prefer turtles.

Dad.

Oh! Good! You're alive.

You didn't text last night,
so I wasn't sure.

Don't worry, I got it.

I'll just keep doing your job for you
while you guilt me.

Morning, sunshine.
You want some coffee?

Is it shade-grown?

I can let it cool down in the shade,
if that'll help.

- You're funny.
- I know.

- Did you get any sleep?
- Sure did, yeah.

Yeah? No feelings you wanna discuss?

Mm-mm. Zero feelings.
You know what I can't figure out?

How you got such a cool, hip, smart dad?

- How you guys ever made sense together.
- Who?

- You and Mary Ann.
- That was a long time ago.

I was in love, okay?

I was stupid. And someday,
you might be stupid, too.

That's unlikely.

- You know what cures love?
- Death.

Dates. Lots of dates
with lots of other people.

I set up that app that you showed me,
and I have already messaged

with a couple of ladies,
for your information.

Look at you.
Have you gone out with any?

Dad, an actual date is the goal.

Come on, give me your phone
and I'll find someone good for you.

You know, some of us just move slow,
Shawna. There's no shame...

- Why do all these women look the same?
- Excuse me?

Dad, they look just like her.

Like who?

Oh, my God.

- Who was that on the phone?
- Mary Ann.

You won't believe what is going on.

Can we get a temporary moratorium
on discussing the big M,

at least for the rest of brunch?

- But there's one thing that...
- That woman is a hurricane with legs.

I invited her to brunch.

- Invited who?
- Michael!

Hi!

No.

Sorry. Pardon me.

I... I though you said
she was getting on the plane.

She was. She changed her mind.

- Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.
- Ouch!

Pardon me, excuse me. Thank you.

I'm from Connecticut.

Just be nice, okay? Please?

Hello.

- Hi... Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
- Excuse me.

Oh, my God.

- Is that real pad thai?
- Uh-huh.

- Um, hi.
- Oh, hi!

- Yeah, hi!
- Hi!

- Hi.
- Hi.

It was like a sign from the universe.

The Safeway telling me to get my ass
out of that cab.

It's what brought us together
all those years ago,

and now here we are,
right back at it again.

This is delicious.
Anyway, I couldn't believe it.

- Can you believe it?
- I can believe it.

So, um... how long do you think
you'll stay in town for?

Long enough to straighten out
this mess you all made.

Excuse you?

No, I'm sorry, but it's true.

I couldn't get on that plane

or... or... let alone sleep ever again
without Shawna knowing...

knowing the truth.

I mean, I didn't want to get into this
at brunch, but...

I cannot for the life of me understand

how you could all let her think
that I'm her biological mother.

Michael Tolliver,
I expected more from you, of all people.

So you're...
you're gonna tell her the truth?

That's why you didn't leave?

Absolutely.

But...

She deserves to know who she is.

Don't you think? I mean,
she deserves to know everything.

I mean, of course she hates me,
based on the story she's been told.

But don't I deserve to tell her
my version?

I bet she doesn't know
I wanted to take them with me.

That's not true, Mary Ann.

How do you know? Were you there?

Yes!

Well, maybe I... I...

Maybe I left that out, or...
or maybe you forgot.

Anyway, look, I know everyone judges me

for choosing a career
over raising a family.

Men do it all the time.

But when a woman does it,
she's selfish, she's power-hungry,

- she's an unfeeling bitch.
- Sssh!

And I think...

I think I'm setting
a good example for Shawna

to be able to talk about all of this.

- You gonna... gonna finish that?
- No.

So, did you come here to ask my advice,

or should I just tell you
exactly what you wanna hear?

Wow.

I don't know.

Depends on the advice.

She doesn't remember you, babycakes.

She only remembers
that her mother was there one day

and gone the next.

As much as I would like to say otherwise,
the... the truth is

you don't get to excuse yourself
because of a technicality.

No, you're not her biological mother,
but maybe that's not the point.

- I didn't do anything wrong.
- Sh!

What if it's not
about being right or wrong?

What if it's about doing what's right?

And maybe that's leaving her alone
for now.

Jee...

I'm sorry, that is very loud.

Do you mind just maybe
doing that over there?

Um, I think that means
that we have to leave.

Have a good day.

You smell good.

What do I smell like?

I don't know, just...

you.

What are you doing?

What do you mean?

You're staring at me
like you're never gonna see me again.

Like you're trying to memorize my face
or something.

You know that thing,

the way men look at women, but...

only in epic dramas like Romeo and Juliet
or Titanic or something.

Are you saying I remind you
of Leonardo DiCaprio?

- I gotta shower, Leo.
- Wait.

I need to talk to you.

What's going on?

I think I might be into guys.

I had a feeling.

The other day at the coffee place,

those super hot guys walked in
holding hands.

You couldn't take your eyes off of them.

Oh.

At Body Politic a couple days ago,

on the street, at the park.

You're always distracted by men.

At first, I thought you were
studying them,

like you were just curious
about their genders or something.

It was that,

at first.

Right.

And then I realized it wasn't.

Maybe it's just a phase.

Maybe.

What do you want?

I don't know, honestly.

Yes, you do.

I don't wanna fuck this up.

Okay.

But...

what if I, like, explored a little?

Just to see how it feels?

Because maybe I'll hate it, you know?

And then we'll know for sure.

Explore, like...

What? Like, you wanna

kiss a guy?

Yeah. Basically, yeah.

And, I mean, you could explore, too.

Like, we could be...

Open?

I don't need to be open, Jake.

Contrary to everyone else
in the 21st century, I like monogamy.

Don't make this about me.

Okay, then...

it's about me.

Kiss boys if you need to kiss boys,
just...

don't shut me out.

Hello?

Hey, old lady.

Shawna!

You all right?

Birthday girl.

You really should knock, dear.

Knock? Here? That's like blasphemy.

Wait a second.

Is this you?

Oh.

That. Uh, yes.

From when I first moved to the city.

Damn. You were hot.

- I bet you used to turn heads.
- I still do.

- Mm-hmm. Who are those other people?
- Oh...

Just some old friends.

You pick the most annoying times
to be tight-lipped, do you know that?

Prudence is a virtue,

as long as you know when to employ it.

I thought I banned you from sounding
like a fortune cookie when I'm around.

And I thought we had a talk
about you being a smart-ass.

But here we are.

Yeah.

Can I have this?

Sure, my dear.

I gotta run.

Love you.

And I you.

Huh.

Oh, pardon me.

My, my, those steps really are something,
aren't they?

Do... Do you know where I might find
an Anna Madrigal?

Yeah, she's in the bottom apartment there.
Can I help you with anything?

No, no, no, thank you.
Salutations and Godspeed.

Bonjour and arrivederci to you, good sir.

Oh.

Can I help you?

I hope you'll forgive the surprise.

My name is Samuel Garland,

and the Rainbow Readers sent me over.

They told me to expect
someone named Beverly.

I'm afraid

Beverly passed on the day before last.

Oh.

I do apologize for being the messenger
of such terrible news.

Goodness, where are my manners?

I'm sure you could use
a glass of iced tea.

Iced tea would be wonderful.

Come in, please.

Sorry.

Be still, my heart!

- After all these years. Oh!
- Oh! Oh!

DeDe, thank God you answered
when I called.

And I'm so sorry to intrude
at the last minute, I just...

I needed a friend.

Come in.

We'll drink.

It's been three years now, I suppose.

My, you hate to be a cliché,

but the time really does go fast,
doesn't it?

And you enjoy it?

Reading to others? Very much. I...

I enjoy the company.
And no one should be without books.

I agree. It's...

been quite difficult to have my eyes go.

Well, I'm glad you reached out
to the Readers. We're a good lot.

Your home is stunning, Anna.

Thank you.

I hope you won't think me too nosy, but...

isn't it awfully large
for you to manage at your age?

Oh, uh...

I have lots of help.

Well, I... I don't want to impose on you
for too long.

You can give the volunteer coordinator
a call whenever you decide.

Is that Tennyson?

Ah, yes.

"The Lady of Shalott" is, dare I say,
my favorite poem ever published.

And do you prefer the 1833 version?

Certainly not.
The 1842 version is the definitive one.

Sam,

would you do me the pleasure of staying
and reading to me?

I'd love nothing more.

You're damned if you do
and damned if you don't.

That's what it means to be
a modern-day career woman.

Screw the bastards.

You made the right decision,
Mary Ann Singleton.

You got out, you got free.

- Did I?
- Absolutely.

Look at your life, your chic blouse,

your career.

What was the alternative, staying here
wearing faux-hippie floral skirts,

pretending Brian was an equal?

You'd be bored out of your mind.

Trust me. I am.

Maybe you're right.

I know I am.

If I were you,

I'd march over to Barbary Lane,

look Shawna in her eyes,

and tell her the truth.

I'd say, "Shawna, I'm not your mother.

I wish I could be, but I'm not."

Really?

- What, it's that simple?
- Yes.

With children, fast and easy is the best.
It's like ripping off a Band-Aid.

It hurts for a second,
they scream, curse you,

but after about a week,
they start speaking to you again.

That is a real relief. Thank you, DeDe.

Speaking of children, how are the kids?

Hell if I know.

They're not speaking to me
at the moment.

Oh.

I really... I don't know what I would
have done without you today. I feel...

resolved.

It's probably the wine.

It's $600 a bottle.

Mm!

I handled it okay, right?

I'm worried I was too harsh.

Please. Look, everybody needs
a "come to Jesus" every now and then.

Especially Mary Ann.

Welcome to Plant Parenthood.

Hey, man. Okay, this'll sound weird,
but maybe you can help me with something.

- Flaco.
- Yeah.

Ben!

- You know each other?
- Yo!

- Oh, I...
- Yeah.

Michael, this is Flaco, from work.

And Flaco, this is Michael.

Flaco Ramirez?
Ben talks about you all the time.

Yeah, likewise, bro.
Shit, maybe now you can both help me.

Yeah, what are you in the market for?

My best girl just dumped
her cheating-ass boyfriend,

and I kind of wanna get her something
that says, "I'm sorry,"

but also, "Fuck him!"

Also, "You're gangsta," but...
flowers didn't seem appropriate.

How's this?

Ha-haaa!

Oh, my God.

He's good.

- Yeah, he's an expert.
- Ah.

It's good to run into you, man.

I never see you
now that you're in love and shit.

You see me at the office, like,
five days a week.

I love how you try to up-play
our work time

so you can downplay
how you keep bailing on trivia night.

Trivia night?
You never told me about trivia night.

There's a game tonight
if you wanna come.

- We could use more players.
- Yeah, we'd love that.

- Wouldn't we?
- We're "we" people now, huh?

Invite others if you want, too.
The more the merrier.

This is gonna be dope!

Thanks for the "Fuck you" cactus.

Trivia night, huh?

"Up and down the people go,

Gazing where the lilies blow

Round an island there below,

The island of Shalott."

Well.

Oh.

Oh, my, I drifted off.

Quite all right.

Happens all the time.

Oh.

Forgive me. I...

I do get tired these days.

Not at all.

Why don't we schedule another appointment?

All right.

How about tomorrow?

I just think it's weird
that you kept trivia night from me.

Plus, I've only met, like,
two of your friends.

It's like you have
this whole other life that...

You're not ashamed of me, are you?

What? Michael, stop.
I'm not ashamed of you.

It's just...

this group is intense.

You think I'm scared
of a bunch of trivia nerds?

Okay, look who's being judgmental.

I'm not being judgmental. I love nerds.

You're a nerd.

- A sexy, brilliant, lovable...
- Oh!

Okay, I know what you're imagining.

A laid-back night out at a bar,

answering some fun questions,
laughing when everybody gets it wrong.

- And it ain't that.
- So, tell me what it is.

They're crazy competitive.

Like... Like, if we don't win,
I will not hear the end of it.

I've seen friendships end.

- Over a game?
- I just... I don't want you to get hurt.

- You don't think I'm good enough to play.
- I did not say that.

For the record, I am very good at trivia.

I watch Jeopardy!

A lot.

Great.

- I'm sure you're gonna kill it.
- Oh, no.

I am going to murder it.

Hey, I gotta check on Anna.
I'll be up in a second.

Okay, Alex Trebek.

I need a favor.

I have to go to a trivia thing tonight
with Ben's friends.

Cool. Thanks for the update.
It's like Twitter, but in real life.

I suck at trivia.

I'm not even good at charades.
I need your help.

Okay, sorry, I missed the part

that explains
why you're talking about trivia

with the urgency
of a top-secret CIA mission?

Sh! Not so loud.

Seriously, why are you being
such a weirdo?

Because I told Ben that I'm good,

and I'm... I'm hoping he won't notice
how bad I am if you come.

Wow. That is not healthy behavior,
Michael.

That man has been at Anna's, like,
most of the day.

What do you think they were doing?

Talking?

Getting high? Sharing memories
about the Great Depression? I don't know.

You don't think they were...

Shawna!

- What? Don't be ageist.
- Uh...

I'm sure they're friends.
He's probably just doing her a favor,

which is what friends do.

Especially ones you consider family.

Okay. I will think about it. Yeah?

- You're an angel.
- Mm, I know.

You're lucky, 'cause I'm real smart.

I'm dead serious.
Yoga with baby goats is a real thing.

Fuck, no! Who's calling safe on that?

If you're blind, please be retired
in Montana and get the fuck off my field.

Brian, you have not lived life

unless you've been
in a downward dog with...

baby goats just bouncing on your booty.

It's... nirvana. Just pure, unhygienic...

Double play!

Yeah, we back in the game, baby! Come on!

- Hey, Hawkins.
- Hm?

Why do I feel like
I'm watching the game solo today?

Do all these women look the same to you?

Oh.

Are you on a quest to find
Mary Ann's less evil twin?

According to you and Shawna, yeah.

Ohhh.

That's why you're slumped over
like a rag doll with no insides.

'Cause your kid found
the shrine to your ex-wife

in that dusty dating app
you never get dates on.

I get dates.

Never have I ever seen you
chat anyone up on that dating app,

Mary Ann doppelganger or not.

My thumbs get tired.

Oh, look, here.
She looks nothing like Mary Ann.

Wow, okay.

What you need right now, boo?

You need a fair-weather bro
with a beer and a cheer,

or the wise, "been through all kinds
of shit" neighbor with sage advice?

Beer, and then the sage neighbor.

Mm-hmm. That's what I thought.

Well...

here it is.

She messy.

What?

Mary Ann. She messy as fuck, okay?

- That's your... That's your sage advice?
- Yes!

And you are as simple and see-through
as they come,

and I don't mean that in a bad way,
I mean that in a good way.

See, you think you're still into her.

- What's really happening...
- I am not still into...

Excuse me, the wise one is talking.

You think you're still into her,
but you're not.

Your kid just moved out,

your just ex showed up, and you're having,
like, a "Aaah! What do I do?" moment.

And that's fine. Have that moment.

Just be cool about it, you know?

Take your fetish out on a date.
See how you fare.

Seriously, get your game on.

Get some clarity, is all I'm sayin'.

Fetish?

Yeah, fetish.
You know what, give me your phone.

- Why?
- Just give me your phone.

It's, like, weird how you're hugging it.

Oh, God.

Oh!

Her.

Yeah, this one.
Take her on a date tonight.

I mean, she has two names,
which is kind of pretentious.

Maybe she's just indecisive,
but her sweater's hella cute.

Take her to a nice restaurant.

Ask her about her day.

Listen to her.
Look her in the eye when she talks.

Then go Dutch on the meal.

You welcome.

You think it's not too late in the day
to invite her to dinner tonight?

Oh, my God, Brian, the modern woman
knows what she wants.

She gave you her number.
She's interested. Now reach out.

Okay.

- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm doing what you just told me to do.

I said reach out. That's text.

I mean, this is the 21st century.

Who's calling someone,
you damn psychopath?

Text her!

Jesus!

- Oh! All right?
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, Yeah.
- Okay?

Have courage, darling.

Don't forget to be short and sweet
with Shawna.

Yes. No worries.

- Do you want me to keep your luggage?
- No, no...

You're a great broad,

DeDe Halcyon.

They made the mold when they broke you.

Shouldn't I at least call you an Uber?

No! No, no, no... No.

A walk will be good for me. It'll...

Just gonna clear my head.

Learning to save people's lives
and make the world a better place?

What'd you say?

Studying?

Oh. Yeah. Right. Uh...

How to remove a catheter.
Groundbreaking stuff.

You're a really bad liar.

Night, kiddo.

Oh, hi.

I'm here to see Shawna.

- Is she here?
- You just missed her.

Shoot.

- Do you know when she'll be back?
- I don't.

- Do you know her number?
- She's on a digital cleanse.

A what?

She's abstaining from anything digital
for a while.

Oh.

She'll be home eventually.
You could just wait for her.

Thanks.

You're missing a wheel.

Are you gonna sit out there
all night with the bugs,

or burn the rest of this joint
in here with me?

More grass?

No.

No more for me. Thanks.

I've just sobered up from drinking wine.

Oh, come on.

Being drunk is not the same as being high.

One makes you stupid.

The other makes you interesting.

- I love all your figurines.
- Mm.

I got that one in Barcelona.

I had a torrid affair with a bullfighter.

Long story.

What a life you've had.

Oh, my God.

How did you end up with this?

Who knows how I end up with anything?

I'm sure she was playing with it
a million years ago,

and it got left behind
when Brian came to pick her up after work.

She loved it so much.

Yeah, she did.

Now, come. Take a load off, dear.

Want to tell me why you're still here?

I'm here to see Shawna.

I see.

Because she deserves to know the truth.

Aah.

That's it?

Oh...

That's all I have.

- Well, that's infuriating.
- Mm.

Why?

Because at... at the very least,

I thought you might apologize
for going along with all of this.

At the risk of sounding
like a fortune cookie,

which I recently have been accused of...

you are her mother, Mary Ann.

Now, you can certainly sit here
and continue to blame Brian.

Blame all of us.

You can keep trying to outrun
the hurt and the fear

and the guilt, by burying it
with other people's opinions of you,

or...

you can try to find some stillness,

so that you can begin
to reckon with yourself.

There she goes.

I need to do something.

Hmm.

You want ice?

No, I'm good.

I made these a little strong, but...

if you don't like it,
I can add more juice.

- My bad, let me add more juice.
- No, no, I can handle it.

You sure?

- You play?
- Yeah, what you got?

Forza 7, baby.

Oh, you're about to get your ass
handed to you.

Oh, you're quick.

- It's all in the thumbs, man.
- Oh!

Oh.

Sure, I'm on your ass.

Not for long.

Aaah! Motherfucker!

Suck it.

Now, watch this. Go, go, go...

- Yeah, baby!
- Oh!

This okay?

Wait.

What? What'd I do?

Nothing. It's just, um... fast.

Oh.

Cool, you want me to go slower?

Tell me what you want.

I'm trans.

Okay.

I know I should have told you,
but I didn't expect things to go this far.

This is all new to me.
I don't even understand the app.

Got it.

Shit. I feel so stupid.

It's like being in middle school again
or something.

- I should probably go.
- Don't.

I mean, you can stay...

if you want.

I'm into you.

We can... do whatever.

♪ Morning terrors and my nights of dread ♪

♪ Morning terrors, nights of dread ♪

Hey.

Why, I never.

Been watching Steel Magnolias again,
I take it?

On a loop, girl.

♪ It's weighing down on me ♪

Yes!

♪ I lock my head between my knees ♪

- Hey, Shawna.
- Hey.

♪ Pacing round the ashes on my floor ♪

♪ Sometimes I wish I could fly
Out of the window ♪

♪ Weighing down on me ♪

I miss the way we were, you know?

Before his transition,
which is fucked up to say, but...

it's how I feel.

Why is that fucked up?

Your feelings are valid.
You're just being human.

Yeah, but am I being open-minded?

Since when does being open-minded mean
you have to be in an open relationship?

Maybe you're giving too much.

I miss being a lesbian.

I always dreamed I'd have a wife and kids.

We'd take road trips to Carmel.

Get a pug from a little rescue.

I didn't exactly love the idea
of Jake transitioning,

but ultimately it didn't matter
because I love Jake

and I love being with Jake.

But you're a lesbian.

Yeah.

It's very '90s of you.

Thanks.

Do you want my honest opinion?

I only talk to you when I want
your honest opinion.

That's, like, what you do.

The situation's your fault.

Wait, what?

If you didn't want Jake to fuck dudes,
why'd you give him permission?

I didn't exactly give him permission
to fuck anyone.

He said he just wanted to explore.

Right. And when have you gone
in an ice cream parlor

and only ordered toppings?

Jake's not like that.

Everybody's like that,

and why are you so eager to put
his needs in front of your own?

He's going through a phase, Shawna.

Oh, fuck that. He's not the fucking moon.

What about your phases?

When do you get to explore
with other people?

Oh, my God. What is wrong with you people?

I don't actually want to fuck
everything that moves.

I want to fuck one specific person,
and that person was...

is Jake.

Are you even satisfied anymore?

I don't know.

I think you might still be a lesbian.

Jake says we're queer now.

Well, Jake can be queer.

But you get to figure out what you are
for yourself.

He did.

So I told him, I said,

"Okay, Henry, fine.
You can live in my garage,

but no, you cannot use the bathroom,

and absolutely don't you dare touch
my lavender shower gel."

- You put your foot down.
- It's so petty, I know. He just...

He gets to me in that very special spot

where I become a human that wants
to murder somebody because of shower gel.

Then he leaves and I feel horrible.

And the cycle continues.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to go on
about my ex-husband.

- No, no, no...
- I'm not that good at this.

It's just been so long.

No, no, you're great. You're great.
I was just thinking.

My ex-wife was the same way.

She can turn me into a crazy person
just by breathing in the same space.

And it drives me nuts that she still has
this power to piss me off so much.

Oh, I didn't realize you
were recently divorced, too.

You know, it's not that recent.
It's... I...

I'm just a little sensitive about it
at the moment.

Well, how long has it been
since your divorce?

Twenty-three years.

- Oh.
- No, I know, I know, I know, it's...

It's so long ago. It's ju...

She just got back into town, and...
and my kid pointed out

that all my Tinder dates
look exactly like her.

Uh, my ex, I mean. And...

And then my friend is like, "Stop whining
about Mary Ann. Go on a date already."

How long has it been for you?

Uh, um...

Seven...

months.

- I think I'm gonna go.
- Yep.

Bon appétit.

Final round of Mission Trivia Bowl.
Let's hear it for our two final teams.

I haven't answered a single question.

Who cares? We're winning.

You're winning.
Ben's coworkers must think I'm mute.

- Yeah, then answer more.
- But I'll be wrong, and we'll lose.

I don't wanna lose.

I don't wanna be
the Susan Lucci of trivia night.

- Who's Susan Lucci?
- And this question goes

to E=MC Hammer.

In the opening credits
of Gilligan's Island,

why is the flag at half mast?

Uh, JFK was assassinated
while they made the pilot.

- You are correct!
- Woo-hoo!

Reality is a Construct, this is for you.

What singer-actor gave Marilyn Monroe
a white poodle named Mafia?

Frank Sinatra.

That is right!

All right. E=MC Hammer, back to you.

Billie Holiday, the famed jazz singer,

was the babysitter
for what future Oscar host?

Oh, okay.
Uh, I'm black, but I'm not that black.

Time is up.

Same question goes
to Reality is a Construct for the steal.

It's Billy Crystal.

No.

You are right!

Get the fuck out of here.

- That's a lot of Billies.
- Focus!

Reality is a Construct, still your game.

What author wrote the following quote...

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent
a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Mark Twain,
which is actually his pseudonym.

It's Samuel Clemens, in case
you're looking for his real name.

Wow, that bordered on obnoxious,

but you are nonetheless correct.

Come on, baby, help us.

And there's the bell,
which means this is our final question.

Team Reality is a Construct,

you need to get this right to win.

If you don't,

team E=MC Hammer
will have the chance to steal.

Is everyone ready?

What singer's real name

is Reginald Kenneth Dwight?

I don't know. I got nothing.

Yikes, that's time.

It's Elton John! It's Elton John!

It's Elton John.

You were supposed to wait for me.

But yes, you are right!

Team E=MC Hammer, you are the winners!

♪ Do me a favor ♪

♪ Pick me up, take me out later ♪

Oh, my God!

♪ Don't worry about no paper ♪

♪ 'Cause I got much stacked up
For nights like this ♪

♪ My life can get crazy ♪

♪ I deal with shit on the daily ♪

♪ But baby I'm thinking maybe ♪

♪ We could agree
To work it out like this... ♪

Jameson, neat.

♪ I need you ♪

That was a fun game.

Thanks.

You guys were hard to beat.

Well, in... in fact,

you did not beat us.

We were undefeated until now.

I'd really like to say I'm sorry
about that, but it would be a lie.

You make a great foe.

I bet you say that to all the girls.

God knows I do.

I see we're making friends
with the enemy now.

Honey. Uh, this is...

- Shawna.
- Inka.

It was a hell of a game.

I'm his wife.

Oh.

- Been making eyes at my husband all night.
- Sorry.

I... I didn't realize...

It's not a problem.

I was just a little jealous.

She prefers team sports,

as you just witnessed.

It's possible I'm misreading
the signals here...

You're not.

Well, you wanna finish these
and get out of here, then?

Your place or ours?

♪ I need you ♪

♪ To give me your time ♪

Yours.

♪ I need you ♪

You comin'?

♪ To not wanna be mine ♪

Hey.

How was work?

Okay.

Made some pretty decent tips.

Go on your date?

Yeah.

How was it?

Do you really wanna know?

No, I don't.

That's the shitty part, you know?

I want to know
everything about you,

about your day,
what you're worried about, school.

But this...

Jake, I...

I don't think I can do this.

I'm sorry.

I wanted to be cool and open-minded.

I want you to be happy.

I am happy.

Not with me.

Are you serious? I'm so happy with you.

Jake, come on.
We need to be honest with ourselves.

I'm not letting you go, Margot.
Fuck that, I'm not.

I was a wreck all day
thinking about you with someone else.

I felt like shit. It was a shitty day.

I'm sorry.

I know, I should have never put you
in this position.

Was it good?

I mean...

did you like it?

No, I didn't.

Really?

Yeah, it sucked.

I missed you.

I wanna make things right.

How do I make things right between us?

I missed you, too.

Oh, my God.

This lobster is so good.

I'm having, like, an out-of-body
experience right now.

I need to send you on more failed dates.

You were right.

Can you say that louder, please?

You were right.

She looked exactly like Mary Ann.

Even her accent was like Mary Ann.

What is wrong with me?

All right. We gotta switch it up.

I'm just saying.

Give me your hand.

- ♪ Starin' at the ceilin' ♪
- Mm-hmm.

- ♪ Hearts and records spinning ♪
- Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm!

You know, it's fine.

No, it's fine. It's just...

She's only here
for a couple of days,

and she's probably gone already.

I'll just get back into my groove,
and I won't ever date another blonde.

Don't beat yourself up, Hawkins.
I mean, we all have our fetishes.

Hm? What are yours?

Mine?

Oh, honey, I contain multitudes.

♪ You can be shy with me ♪

If I do ever date another blonde...

Shut the fuck up about blondes
before I hit you upside the head, okay?

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

And now I'm gonna twirl you.

Okay, don't tell me, just do it.

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ I just wanna see you ♪

- I told you I was good at trivia.
- Aah!

Please stop talking about trivia night

and let me fuck you.

I'm coming!

She announces it.

What are you doing here?

Hello.

How's it going?

Well, pretty good until now.

I had a threesome tonight. That was fun.

Oh.

Oh, my.

Now, I'd like to go to sleep.

Um...

Well, um...

I need to talk to you.

No, thanks.

It won't take long. One minute. I promise.

Okay. One minute.

Okay.

This... it's probably stupid.
I mean, it's... it's definitely stupid.

You're...

way too cool to like musicals now, but...

You loved this when you were little.

We used to play it every night

before you went to bed,

and we would dance around your room.

And when we got to "I've Gotta Crow,"

you used to make
this adorable little noise,

and, uh... Brian...

your... your dad...

and I, we would laugh

because you sounded more like a...

a dying cow than a crow.

It's one of my favorite memories of you.

I wanted you to have this.

I know I haven't been a mother to you,
but I was.

During those two years.

I was.

Anyway, thanks for listening.