Switched at Birth (2011–2017): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Tempest - full transcript

Bay enlists Regina's aid as she tries to improve relations with Emmett's mother. Meanwhile Daphne befriends Simone and considers joining the Buckner basketball team over the disapproval of her father. Toby gets drawn into the fake ID business with Wilke. Kathryn Kennish is worried when a journalist approaches her about a book on the Kennish Family story.

Woman:
PREVIOUSLY ON
"SWITCHED AT BIRTH"...

SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

HERE.

- ALL YOURS.
- OKAY, HERE WE GO.

ONE MORE TIME, LADIES.
LET'S GO.

HI, TINA CHOI.
"KANSAS CITY HERALD."

KATHRYN, DID YOU
READ THIS ARTICLE?

WE SOUND TOTALLY FINE ABOUT
MISSING OUT ON RAISING
OUR OWN DAUGHTERS.

SIMONE IS ONE OF BAY'S
GOOD FRIENDS.

WELL, USED TO BE
GOOD FRIEND--

OR ACTUALLY
I DON'T KNOW.



- CAN I SEE YOUR HEARING AIDS?
- IT DOESN'T TURN OFF MY BRAIN.

ONLY MY EARS.

( gasps )
GET IN HERE NOW!

( pop music playing )

* SHE DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE WANTS TO BE *

* ALL THE PICTURES
IN THE MAGAZINES *

* HOLDING HANDS
WHEN SHE'S MAD AT ME *

* 'CAUSE SHE DON'T WANT TO GO,
DON'T WANT TO GO *

- * I MET HER AT...
- EXCUSE ME.

ARE YOU OKAY?

OH, JUST FINE.
THANKS.

CAN WE HURRY UP, PLEASE?

* SINGING "OH OH"

* WON'T YOU HELP ME
SING THIS SONG? *



* SINGING THE EEE EEE

* SHE DON'T EVER WANT
TO GO TO SLEEP *

* SINGING HEY, MAMA,
DON'T LET ME DRIVE OFF *

* JUST A KISS
BEFORE I LEAVE *

* HEY, LADY,
DON'T SAY MAYBE *

* YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT I CAN BELIEVE *

* HEY, MAMA,
HEY HEY, MAMA *

* COME ON, OH

* UH-OH
UH-OH OH OH *

* UH-OH UH-OH
OH OH... *

I DON'T THINK
WE CAN USE THAT ONE.

BECAUSE IT'S STAGED.
WE TOLD THOSE GUYS

TO ACT LIKE
WE WEREN'T THERE.

SO TO REALLY BE PLANKING,

YOU CAN'T STAGE
OR PHOTOSHOP ANYTHING.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

AHA HA HA-- FUNNY.

I'M JUST SAYING TRUE ART,
IT NEEDS TO BE

AUTHENTIC.

PEOPLE CAN SENSE
WHEN SOMETHING IS PHONY.

- ( camera clicks )
- OKAY, STOP!

STOP THAT.

( grunts )
OH, HE-- HELLO.

HI.

SOMETHING
WITHOUT SOMETHING?

I CAN'T TALK...

YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE I SHOULD GO.

OKAY, BYE.

OH, HEELS AND AN APRON--
HOW "MAD MEN" OF YOU, MOM.

- I HAVE A MEETING TODAY.
- YOWZA, NICE OUTFIT.

YOU SHOULD BRING THIS
NEXT TIME WE GO SOMEWHERE.

- EW.
- EW.

- ( laughs )
- WHO ARE YOU MEETING?

OH, TINA CHOI.

THE REPORTER FROM
THE "KANSAS CITY HERALD."

- OH YEAH.
- YEAH, SHE CALLED YOUR MOTHER.

SHE WANTS TO CHECK IN
AND SEE HOW WE'RE DOING.

I TOLD WILKE I'D MEET HIM EARLY.
SO I'M GONNA HEAD OUT.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
I'M GONNA LET HER KNOW

HOW WE FELT ABOUT HER
SHE DOESN'T DO IT AGAIN.RE

IT MIGHT BE
WITHOUT THE APRON.

OR JUST ADD
A WOODEN SPOON MAYBE.

HA HA, VERY VERY FUNNY.

YEAH, THEY GET THAT
FROM ME.

WHAT'S UP WITH
THE FANCY BREAKFAST?

WHAT? THERE HAS
TO BE A REASON?

UH, YEAH.

WELL, WE HAVEN'T HAD
MUCH TIME TO TALK

SINCE YOU WENT
TO THAT MUSIC FESTIVAL.

THERE WASN'T MUCH
TO TALK ABOUT.

WHAT ABOUT
BAY AND EMMETT?

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

THEY'RE DATING.
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME.

I DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS IMPORTANT.

IT'S NOT LIKE EMMETT
AND I ARE DATING.

NO, BUT--

YOU TWO SPENT
A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER.

EMMETT AND I WILL
STILL SEE EACH OTHER.

WE HAVE LIKE
FOUR CLASSES TOGETHER.

I JUST...
I WISH THAT YOU TWO

HADN'T BEEN SO EXCLUSIVE,
THAT'S ALL.

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE
OF TIME BY YOURSELF,T

NOW THAT HE AND BAY
ARE TOGETHER.

I'M FINE, MOM.

OKAY.

WHAT THE HELL IS A "CAPIBRA"
AND WHY DO WE NEED TO SPEND
$400 TO BUY ONE?

CAPYBARA.
IT'S A 200lb RODENT.

AND WE AREN'T BUYING,
WE'RE RENTING-- YOU NEED
PERMITS TO BUY ONE.

I DON'T WANT TO RENT
OR BUY A CAPYBARA.

I WANT TO MAKE A VIDEO
THAT SHOWCASES OUR MUSIC,
NOT A GIANT RODENT.

AND IT WILL! BUT YOU'VE GOTTA
HAVE A HOOK TO GET THEM
TO LOOK AT YOU,

THEN YOU DELIVER
THE GOODS. BAM!

OKAY, I GET IT--
WE NEED TO MAKE
A FLASHY MUSIC VIDEO.

BUT HOW ARE WE GONNA PAY FOR IT?
OUR PARENTS AREN'T GOING
TO GIVE US THE MONEY.

I KNOW.
HOW UNFAIR IS THAT?

YOU RUN UP
A FEW GAMBLING DEBTS,
STEAL ONE TEST,

AND SUDDENLY THEY
TREAT YOU LIKE A CRIMINAL.

I DO KNOW ONE WAY
WE CAN MAKE SOME MONEY.

HOW DO I JUST KNOW
THIS IS GONNA SUCK?

I WASN'T EXPECTING

TO SEE YOU UNTIL LATER.

I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL.
AND YOU TOO--

I HAVE COOKING
CLASS TODAY.

YEAH, WHAT WAS
THAT ABOUT?

I CAN'T FOLLOW YOU
WHEN YOU'RE TALKING
WITH HER.

YOU DID?

THAT'S GREAT!

BUT WHY WAS SHE MAD?

I MEAN, SHE TALKS,
DAPHNE TALKS.

SHE MUST HAVE A REASON
FOR NOT WANTING YOU
TO TAKE IT.

SHE THINKS
THAT I MADE YOU?

AND IF I DID
ASK YOU TO?

BUT I DO.

EMMETT, SHE IS NOT
JUST YOUR MOM.

SHE'S MY MOM'S
BEST FRIEND.

SHE COACHES DAPHNE'S TEAM
WITH MY DAD.

I CAN'T HAVE HER
HATE ME.

OH, SHE DOES.
SHE HATES ME.

EMMETT, I--

( sighs )

* IF I DIDN'T KNOW YOU

* I'D TURN A BLIND EYE...

THE REF DIDN'T EVEN
BELIEVE SHE HIT ME

UNTIL THE DOCTOR LOOKED
AT MY ELBOW AFTER THE GAME.

- NO FOUL?
- NOPE.

BUT WE GOT OUR REVENGE.
SCORED 12 MORE POINTS

- ON OF HER BY
THE END OF THE QUARTER.
- OH, THAT'S AWESOME!

I MEAN, I'M SORRY
YOU GOT HURT, BUT IT MUST BE
SO FUN TO PLAY THAT HARD.

OH YEAH.

- HEY.
- HEY.

- DO YOU KNOW SIMONE?
- UH, YEAH, SINCE LIKE
KINDERGARTEN.

HOW'S THAT MR. WAFFLES?
CUTEST DOG EVER.

HE DIED LAST SUMMER.

OH.

YOU GUYS ARE IN
COOKING CLASS TOGETHER.

YEAH, DAPHNE PULLED MY BACON
OUT OF THE FIRE TODAY.

- ( laughter )
- ALWAYS LOOKING
TO SAVE THAT PIG.

SHE'S A VEGETARIAN,
SO SHE--

YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S COOL. FORGET IT.

HEY, THANKS
FOR STICKING ME
WITH THE CLEANUP.

OH, BUT IT'S SO MUCH FUN
WATCHING YOU

- TRY TO FIGURE OUT
HOW SOAP WORKS.
- AHA.

- ( bell rings )
- FIRST BELL. LATER.

HEY, WE SHOULD PLAY
HOOPS TOGETHER SOMETIME.

THERE'S ACTUALLY
A PICK-UP GAME
THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU SHOULD
TOTALLY COME BY.

WE WANT TO START RIGHT
AT THE BEGINNING.

BEFORE YOU EVEN HAD THE BABIES--
THE HOPES YOU AND JOHN HAD FOR
YOUR LITTLE GOLDEN GIRL,

THE TREPIDATION REGINA
MUST HAVE HAD,

BEING A SINGLE MOTHER

WITH AN UNRELIABLE BOYFRIEND
AND A DRINKING PROBLEM.

WAIT. H-HOW DO YOU
KNOW ALL OF THIS?

I'M A REPORTER.
( laughs )

AND-- AND HOW COULD YOU
POSSIBLY GET ALL THAT HAPPENED

INTO ONE FOLLOW-UP ARTICLE?

- ARTICLE?
- YEAH.

NO, WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT A BOOK.

WE'VE NEVER HAD
AS MUCH RESPONSE
TO AN ARTICLE

AS WE HAVE TO THAT PIECE
I DID ON YOUR FAMILY.

WE'RE STILL GETTING EMAILS
FROM PEOPLE WANTING TO KNOW

HOW YOU ARE,
HOW IT REALLY HAPPENED.

- WOW.
- YEAH, IT'S A NATURAL.

PEOPLE LOVE THIS KIND OF
TRUE-LIFE-HORROR-STORY-
WITH-A-HAPPY-ENDING.

LIKE THAT LITTLE GIRL
THAT WAS KIDNAPPED

AND HELD CAPTIVE
FOR 18 YEARS
AND FOUND ALIVE.

OKAY, WE ARE NOT A HORROR STORY
AND HAVE NO INTENTION OF
BEING TURNED INTO ONE.

KATHRYN, HOWEVER
YOU CHARACTERIZE IT,
IT IS A GREAT STORY,

SOMEONE IS GOING TO TELL IT--
AUTHORIZED OR NOT.

NOT THAT I WOULD TELL IT
UNAUTHORIZED, OF COURSE.

- OF COURSE NOT.
- YOU DON'T WANT
TO WAIT ON THIS.

YOU WANT TO GET
OUT IN FRONT OF IT--
AND WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST.

SOMEONE WHO SHARES
YOUR MIDWESTERN VALUES.

LIKE YOU?

ABSOLUTELY.

OKAY, THE CARS ROLL OUT,
YOU WIPE THEM DOWN,

YOU MAKE SURE THE TIRES ARE
CLEAN, THEN YOU FLAP YOUR
TOWEL FOR THE CUSTOMER.

DON'T LEAVE
RAGS ON THE CAR.

AND YOU WILL BE
WEARING THESE.

NO OFFENSE, MR. KENNISH,

BUT WE DON'T WANNA
HOLSTER THE GUNS.

THAT'S HOW WE'RE GONNA
GET THE BIG TIPS.

HEH!
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

ALL RIGHT.

* I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL

* Control control control

* I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL...

- CHECK IT.
- SO WHAT'S THE SIGN
FOR "YOU'RE GOING DOWN"?

- YOU'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
- TIED GAME, LAST BASKET WINS.

* THEY CAN'T
FIGURE ME OUT *

- * AND WHILE I RUN AWAY...
- SHOOT IT.

* I GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.

NICE.

- HEY, SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- I'M NOT!

WAY TO LET OUT LET
THOSE KILLER INSTINCTS.

HEY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT
HITTING UP CROSSROADS
FOR FIRST FRIDAYS.

THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THIS
AMAZING THAI FOOD TRUCK.
YOU INTERESTED?

I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I'M
ACTUALLY GOING TO JOEY'S

- WITH SOME OF THESE GUYS.
- OH.

THAT'S OKAY.
NEXT TIME.

NO, THIS TIME.
YOU SHOULD COME WITH US.

- WHO'S JOEY?
- NO NO, JOEY'S IS THIS CLUB
NEAR U.M.K.C.

LOTS OF CUTE COLLEGE GUYS.

IT'S OVER-21 THOUGH.
YOU NEED A FAKE.

THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

COOL, I'LL TEXT YOU
THE INFO THEN.

SWEET.

HEY, COACH.

I'M COACH MEDLOCK.
DO YOU HAVE A SECOND?

OH-- UH, AHHH.

I-- I DIDN'T SEE YOU.

THERE.

OH, UH, YEAH.

UH...

SOMETIMES I LIKE TO--

TO SEE HOW THE COLORS ARE

WORKING IN THE NATURAL

LIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
NEVER MIND.

IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

ARE-- ARE YOU HERE
TO SEE REGINA?

UH-- OH, WAIT.

I JUST--
I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT SPEECH THERAPY

WAS EMMETT'S IDEA.

I DIDN'T ASK HIM
TO TAKE IT.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.

- HEY.
- HEY HEY, SWEETIE,
PERFECT TIMING!

LISTEN, I'M THINKING ABOUT
CHANGING THE STARTING LINE UP.

I'M THINKING ABOUT
MOVING JENNIFER TO FORWARD

AND PULLING EMILY BACK
FOR DEFENSE.

- I THINK--
- UH, COACH MEDLOCK WANTS ME
TO PLAY FOR BUCKNER.

OF COURSE HE DOES.
HE HAS AN EXCELLENT EYE
FOR TALENT.

YEAH, HE SAW ME
PLAYING A PICK-UP GAME
AT BUCKNER TODAY,

AND HE KNOWS THAT
I PLAY FOR CARLTON,

AND SO HE ASKED ME
TO JOIN THE TEAM!

EXCEPT YOU'RE ALREADY
ON ANOTHER TEAM.

THIS IS BUCKNER.
THEY'RE LIKE A MILLION
TIMES BETTER.

SWEETIE,

I KNOW THIS IS
INCREDIBLY FLATTERING

AND WE CAN REVISIT THIS
AT THE END OF THE YEAR.

OR EVEN AT THE END
OF THE SEASON.

BUT YOU DON'T
QUIT YOUR TEAM.

- OKAY?
- RIGHT.

RIGHT, OKAY.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF JENNIFER AT FORWARD?

- THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?
- YEAH SURE.

WE PUT HER AT
THE THREE POSITION

AND EMILY IS GONNA BE
MUCH MORE HELPFUL WITH YOU
ON DEFENSE.

WHEN YOU GUYS ARE PRESSING,
WE HAVE SOMEONE THERE
WHO CAN ACTUALLY MOVE.

RIGHT?

OKAY, WAIT, YOU, ME,
YOUR MOM-- WAIT.

WHAT-- OKAY.

WHAT? NO!

NO!
NO NO NO NO NO!

WE WILL AVOID HER.

YES. NO!

OH OH,
THAT LOOKS WEIRD.

- NOW I HAVE TO GO.
- HEY, UM,

I JUST WANTED TO SAY
THAT YOU GUYS

MAKE A REALLY CUTE COUPLE.

UH, REGINA?

YEAH?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TOMORROW NIGHT?

WILKE!

- HEY.
- YOU'RE HERE AND THERE'S
NO COOKING CLASS TODAY.

I KNEW YOU WERE
STALKING ME!

WELL, I ACTUALLY HAD
A QUESTION FOR YOU.

I FIGURED IT WOULD BE BEST
TO ASK IN PERSON.

OH, GOOD COVER.

I... I NEED A FAKE I.D.

THE GUY I KNEW AT CARLTON
THAT DID 'EM GRADUATED
LAST YEAR.

SO I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
KNOW SOMEBODY.

THAT COULD COST YOU
A FEW BUCKS.

THAT'S OKAY.
IT'S IMPORTANT.

AND...
I'LL BET THERE ARE A LOT
OF OTHER KIDS AT CARLTON

WHO ALSO MIGHT
BE IN THE MARKET
FOR A FAKE I.D.

YEAH, PROBABLY.
SO--

DO YOU KNOW SOMEBODY OR--?

ACTUALLY, I DO.

AS IT HAPPENS,
I AM THE GUY
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

- REALLY? THAT'S GREAT.
- NOW WHY DON'T YOU AND I
GO HAVE SOME COFFEE,

DISCUSS THE PARTICULARS
OF YOUR I.D.

AND HOW WE MIGHT
MARKET MY SERVICES
TO YOUR CLASSMATES

- ( bell rings )
- I ACTUALLY GOT TO GET
BACK TO CARLTON.

WE'VE GOT A GAME TODAY.
BUT TEXT ME, OKAY?
THANK YOU.

- HUH.
- HEY, WHAT WAS DAPHNE
DOING HERE?

HELPING US BUY
A CAPYBARA.

( rock music playing )

* WAKEY WAKEY

* NO MISTAKEY

* YOU'RE THE SMARTEST GUY
IN ANY ROOM FOR SURE *

* WITTY WITTY,
SUCH A PITY *

* YOUR FINALE'S JUST
AN ENDLESS OVERTURE *

* LORDY LORDY,
ALL ABOARDY *

* ON THE TRACK THAT CIRCLES
ROUND AND ROUND AGAIN *

* 30, 30,
WATCH THE BIRDIE *

* IN A FLASH, LIFE WILL
PASS AROUND THE BEND. *

( giggles )

THIS IS A WHOLE
VIDEO TUTORIAL ON HOW
TO MAKE FAKE IDENTITY CARDS.

HEY, DO YOU MIND?
I STILL CAN'T FIND MINE.

- YEAH, GO AHEAD.
- LOOKS LIKE THE HOT TIP IS
TO MAKE IT FROM ANOTHER STATE.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

STARTING OUR OWN
SMALL BUSINESS.
FAKE I.D.s.

WANT TO GET BACK IN THE POOL?
GIVE YOU THE FAMILY RATE.

- YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
- WHAT?

YOU GET CAUGHT NOW NO ONE
CAN HAVE A FAKE I.D.?

UH, HAVING ONE
AND SELLING THEM ARE
TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS.

I GET CAUGHT, I GET
COMMUNITY SERVICE.

YOU GET CAUGHT,
YOU GET A CELL AND
A ROOMMATE AT LEAVENWORTH.

SHE DOES HAVE A POINT.

MAYBE THIS ISN'T
THE BEST IDEA.

IT'S ON THE INTERNET, DUDE.
IT'S JUST--

"A UNIQUE PARTY FAVOR TO SHARE
WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS."

WHAT PEOPLE DO WITH THEM
AFTER THEY GET THEM,

WE HAVE NO CONTROL
OVER THAT.

WOW, WAY TO RATIONALIZE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF

AFTER THE WHOLE
STEALING-THE-TEST THING.

OKAY, FINE.
LET'S JUST ASK YOUR DAD

FOR A COUPLE EXTRA SHIFTS
AT THE CAR WASH.

AT THREE BUCKS A CAR
PLUS MINIMUM WAGE,

WE SHOULD BE ABLE
TO FUND OUR VIDEO

ABOUT THE TIME "GUITAR FACE"
IS READY FOR A REUNION TOUR.

- YEAH, WE SHOULD GET
SOME MORE CARD STOCK.
- AND INK CARTRIDGES.

MM-HMM,
DEFINITELY.

HEY, MOM--

WHAT IS
WITH THE BOOKS?

OH, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE HOMEWORK.

- WHAT'S UP?
- I... I NEED SOME ADVICE.

WAIT, FROM ME?

DON'T LOOK
SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.
THAT JUST MAKES IT HARDER.

SORRY.
I'M SORRY.

I THINK EMMETT'S MOM
HATES ME.

MELODY?
OKAY, WHY WOULD
SHE HATE YOU?

EM-EMMETT AND I
HAVE KIND OF--

- WE'VE BEEN HANGING OUT.
- YOU AND EMMETT?

- I THOUGHT IT WAS
HE AND DAPHNE--
- NO.

- HE AND I ARE TOGETHER.
- WAIT, TOGETHER TOGETHER?

ARE YOU TWO--
ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YEAH, MOM,

IT'S KIND OF SERIOUS.

- HUH.
- WOW, REALLY?!

- IT'S THAT HARD
TO BELIEVE WE'RE A COUPLE?
- NO NO, OF COURSE NOT.

IT'S JUST THAT,
WELL, THERE WAS LIAM

- THEN THERE'S TY
AND NOW THERE'S--
- WOW.

YOU AND MELODY SHOULD
GET TOGETHER AND DISCUSS WHY
I AM SO HORRIBLE FOR EMMETT.

SHE THINKS HE'S FLUNKING OUT
BECAUSE OF ME AND YOU THINK
I'M SOME SORT OF BOY JUNKIE.

I'M JUST TRYING
TO UNDERSTAND, HONEY.

HE AND I HAVE
WAY MORE IN COMMON
THAN LIAM AND I EVER DID.

AND HE'S AGE APPROPRIATE
WHICH I THOUGHT YOU
WOULD APPRECIATE.

AND, MOM, HE GETS ME
AND I GET HIM.

WELL, THEN MELODY SHOULD
CONSIDER HERSELF LUCKY

THAT HER SON IS DATING
SOMEONE AS SMART
AND CARING

AND CREATIVE AS YOU.
AND IF SHE DOESN'T,

WELL THEN, IT'S HER LOSS.

MMM, NO, IT'S MY LOSS
BECAUSE ONCE THE MOM
DISAPPROVES

OF THE GIRLFRIEND,
IT'S JUST A MATTER
OF TIME.

OH WAIT, WE DO NOT HAVE
AS MUCH POWER AS YOU
THINK WE DO.

- REALLY?
- REALLY.

WAS DATING MELISSA
REMEMBER WHEN TOBY
MM-HMM, DO YOU

- THE HIPPIE CHICK?
- I NEVER SAID A WORD!

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO!
WHICH IS WHY I HAVE
TO GET MELODY TO LIKE ME.

SO REGINA AND I ARE GOING
TO GO OVER THERE AND...

THE PLAN IS TO TRY
AND CONVINCE HER THAT
I'M NOT THE ANTICHRIST.

EXCEPT I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DO THAT.

I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO MAKE HER LIKE ME.

HONEY, JUST BE YOURSELF.

YEAH, THAT'S EASY
FOR YOU TO SAY.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
THEY DO NOT LIKE ME.

SO I DON'T WANT
TO BE MYSELF TONIGHT.
I WANT--

TO BE YOU.

HONEY, YOU'RE--

YOU COULD LIGHTEN UP
A LITTLE ON THE SARCASM.

- MM-HMM.
- AND BRING ARTICHOKE DIP.

OH, I LOVE
YOUR ARTICHOKE DIP.

EVERYBODY DOES.
IT SOUNDS LIKE A VEGETABLE

AND IT'S FULL OF MAYO
AND CHEESE.

THERE IS NO WAY MELODY
CAN RESIST THAT.

THANK YOU.

YOU'LL WIN HER OVER.

I HOPE SO.

( knocks )

CAN I COME IN?

YEAH SURE. I'M JUST
TAKING A LITTLE BREAK.

SO YOU IN BUSINESS
WITH WILKE?

YEAH, IT TURNS OUT

HE'S IN SALES

AND I'M IN MANUFACTURING?

HE SELLS. I MAKE.

YOU KNOW, NOW THAT
I'M LEARNING TO SIGN,

I AM FINDING THAT
WE HEARING PEOPLE

- USE FAR TOO MANY WORDS.
- ( laughs )

WELL, I JUST HOPE YOU
DON'T GET IN TROUBLE
ON MY ACCOUNT.

AHHH.

OKAY.

I NEED SOME ADVICE.

I WANT TO QUIT
THE CARLTON BASKETBALL TEAM
AND JOIN BUCKNER'S.

( mournful tune )

DOES DAD KNOW?

THAT'S THE ADVICE I NEED.

YOU QUIT BASEBALL.
OKAY, SO HOW DID
YOU DO IT?

I DON'T KNOW, I JUST

TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT
TO PLAY ANYMORE,

THAT SPORTS WAS HIS THING
AND MUSIC WAS MY THING.

- AND HE WAS OKAY WITH THAT?
- OH, HELL NO.

- BUT Y'KNOW, HE HAD BAY.
- BAY PLAYED BASEBALL?

SOCCER.
FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES

UNTIL WE ALL DECIDED THAT
THAT WAS A VERY BAD IDEA.

BUT IT GAVE HIM A PLACE
TO PUT ALL THAT COACHING-SPORTS
CONNECTION STUFF

- WHEN I QUIT.
- SO WHAT'D HE DO WITH IT AFTER
BAY STOPPED PLAYING SOCCER?

I DUNNO. I GUESS
IT JUST KIND OF WENT AWAY.

UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP.

AND YOU'RE NOT A MUSICIAN,

AND YOU'RE
NOT AN ARTIST...

I'M AN ATHLETE,
LIKE HIM.

THE MINI-ME DAD NEVER HAD.
AND HE LOVES COACHING YOU.

SO YOU'RE TELLING ME
TO STAY?

YOU ASKED FOR MY ADVICE.

Regina:
YOU CAN STILL DO
WHAT YOU WANT.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO LISTEN TO JOHN.

BUT HE'S MY DAD.

HE'S THE WHOLE REASON
I CAN EVEN PLAY BASKETBALL.

I MEAN
GENETICALLY SPEAKING.

( scoffs )
WELL, THAT DOESN'T
GIVE HIM VETO POWER

- OVER WHERE YOU CAN PLAY.
- I JUST WANT TO PLAY
FOR A GOOD TEAM.

I WANT TO WIN!
IT'S THE KENNISH IN ME.
I GET THAT FROM HIM TOO.

WELL, SO DO IT.

HE STARTED COACHING
AT CARLTON FOR ME.

I MEAN, HE'S DOING
EVERYTHING HE CAN TO--

YOU KNOW,
DO THE DAD THING.

SO DON'T DO IT.
CARLTON COULD
GET BETTER, RIGHT?

NO.

HMPH.

UM, OKAY, NOW IN THE LOUSY
TIMING DEPARTMENT,

I NEED TO TELL YOU
THAT BAY AND I

ARE GOING OVER TO MELODY
AND EMMETT'S HOUSE
TOMORROW.

OH.

- OKAY.
- BAY FEELS LIKE MELODY
DOESN'T LIKE HER.

SO I THOUGHT MAYBE
THEY SHOULD GET TO KNOW
EACH OTHER BETTER.

OKAY.

OKAY?
THAT'S IT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
I HATE MY BASKETBALL TEAM.

I MISS EMMETT.
ANGELO'S BACK.

AND I DON'T LIKE
SHARING YOU WITH BAY.

BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.

NO, I BELIEVE YOU,
IT JUST FEELS WRONG.

ALL RIGHT. YES.

- OKAY.
- ( beeps )

- THAT WAS OUR LAWYER--
AMANDA.
- AND?

SHE SAYS
TINA CHOI IS RIGHT.

IF SHE OR ANYONE ELSE
WANTS TO USE PUBLIC RECORD

AND GOSSIP TO WRITE A BOOK
ABOUT US, THEY CAN.

SHE HAD NO OTHER
SUGGESTIONS?

TO COLLABORATE WITH HER,

TRY TO INFLUENCE
WHAT SHE WRITES.

IS THAT SUCH A BAD IDEA?

TINA CHOI WANTS TO MAKE US
SOUND LIKE FREAKS!

REGINA IS THE SINGLE
ALCOHOLIC MOTHER

WITH THE SWEET
HANDICAPPED CHILD.

WE'RE THE MIDWESTERN
ROYALTY

SADDLED WITH RAISING
THE RAVEN-HAIRED
HELL RAISER.

SHE SAID THAT?

IN SO MANY WORDS.
IF I SIGN ON TO
COLLABORATE WITH HER,

SHE'S NOT GOING TO LISTEN
TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY

SHE'S GONNA USE MY NAME
TO LEGITIMIZE

WHATEVER SALACIOUS SLANT
SHE THINKS IS GONNA
SELL BOOKS.

I'LL CALL AMANDA.

WHY? YOU THINK SHE'S
GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
DIFFERENT THAN SHE TOLD ME?

I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE.

- I'LL GIVE HER A PUSH.
- I PUSHED.

THAT'S HER ANSWER.

I CAN HANDLE IT.

OKAY.

SO WHAT'S YOUR
ZODIAC SIGN?

- LIBRA.
- ( mimics buzzer )

MY BIRTHDAY
IS OCTOBER 22nd.

NO, YOUR BIRTHDAY
IS JUNE 24th--

- IT'S CANCER.
- RIGHT.

SORRY.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

HEY, UH, MOM MADE SOME
EXTRA ARTICHOKE DIP.

IT'S TOBY'S FAVORITE.
WHERE IS HE?

- HE'S GETTING INK CARTRIDGES.
- LOTS OF CARLTON KIDS

IN NEED
OF NOVELTY I.D.s.

MMM, THIS STUFF
IS AMAZING.

- YOU HAVE A FAKE I.D.?
- YEP.

DAPHNE RABINSKY
FROM PLEASANTVILLE,
NEW YORK.

I'M GOING TO JOEY'S TONIGHT
WITH SIMONE

AND SOME OTHER GIRLS
FROM THE BUCKNER
BASKETBALL TEAM.

- THANKS, WILKE.
- MM-HMM.

EXCELLENT.
TOBY WOULD'VE LOVED IT.

- HEY.
- YEAH?

I JUST WANTED
TO TELL YOU TO, UH UH--

BE CAREFUL WITH SIMONE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- SIMONE CAN BE KIND OF...

WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
NEVER MIND.

WOW!

YOU GOT EMMETT.
YOU DATED TY.

YOU DIDN'T WANT ME
TO BE WITH LIAM

AND NOW YOU'RE WARNING
ME OFF OF SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT
EVEN FRIENDS WITH ANYMORE?

YOU'RE RIGHT. MY BAD.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.

I WILL.

( clicks )

( door opens )

HI.

OH, UM, ARTICHOKE DIP.

NO, IT WAS ME AND MY MOM.

MY OTHER MOM.

DON'T INTERPRET FOR ME.
I WANT MELODY TO SEE
THAT I'M TRYING.

OKAY.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

( rock music playing )

- NOW WHAT?
- THE BOUNCER BARELY EVEN
LOOKED AT YOUR I.D.

- WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?
- WILKE.

I AM SO
TALKING TO HIM TOMORROW.
OR MAYBE TONIGHT.

WILKE, YOU'RE TOO EARLY.
I DON'T HAVE MY BEER
GOGGLES ON YET.

OH!
USUALLY BY 9:00 THAT'S ALL
YOU WERE WEARING.

WAIT WAIT--
WERE YOU GUYS TOGETHER?

- BRIEFLY.
- AND THEN I RELEASED HIM
INTO THE WILD.

HEY, WE'VE GOT
A TABLE.

COME ON, YOU CAN BRING
YOUR FRIEND HERE,
AS LONG AS

HE PROMISES TO DO
EVERYTHING WE SAY.

- I'M IN.
- WILKE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- YOU INVITED ME.

WELL, YOU TOLD ME WHERE
YOU'D BE, WHO YOU'D BE WITH.

IN SOME CULTURES THAT'D BE
CONSIDERED A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.

- I'M SERIOUS.
- AND I MAKE YOU LAUGH, THAT'S
WHY WE'RE SO GOOD TOGETHER.

WE'RE NOT TOGETHER.
WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

SO I COMPLETELY MISREAD
THE MAKING OUT IN THE CAR,

THE HEART-TO-HEART
CONVERSATION ON THE DOCK--

I MIGHT HAVE SENT
SOME MIXED SIGNALS.

BUT IT DOESN'T
CHANGE HOW I FEEL.

I LOVE TALKING
TO YOU, WILKE--

BUT YOU'RE JUST NOT
MY TYPE.

SO WHAT'S YOUR TYPE?
DEAF AND INTO BAY?

- THIS IS NOT ABOUT EMMETT.
- REALLY?

- IT'S NOT!
- OKAY.

WELL, MESSAGE RECEIVED.

YOU WANT THAT?

PARK PLACE IS
A GOOD PROPERTY.

( laughs )

I'M SORRY.
I MISSED A LOT OF THAT.

I LIKE TO WIN TOO.

- AHEM, DAPHNE'S THE ONLY--
- I GOT IT.

IT'S FINE.

I KNOW THAT YOU GUYS
HANG OUT A LOT.

( muffled laugh )

WHAT DID I DO?

YOU SIGNED
"HANG OUT" WRONG.

YOU SAID "I KNOW YOU GUYS
GET CIRCUMCISED A LOT."

YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME.

MELODY, STOP.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS OBVIOUSLY--

THANK YOU FOR
THE LOVELY EVENING.

I'LL JUST--
I'LL TEXT YOU.

I'LL DRIVE YOU.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

BAY IS MY DAUGHTER
AND YOUR SON'S GIRLFRIEND.

YOU OWE HER AN APOLOGY.

- ( pop music playing )
- ( laughing )

- ( groans )
- NO WAY!

* YOU'RE STILL A STRANGER

* YOU'VE GOT NO SHAME

* I'LL WATCH YOU WALKING...

OH, ALL TEETH.
AND I'M BETTING HE HAD
SALAMI FOR DINNER.

All: EWW!

WHAT DID YOU
SAY TO HIM?

- "WANNA MAKE OUT?"
- SUBTLE.

OKAY, DAPHNE,
YOUR TURN.

NO NO NO, DAPHNE'S NOT
A PART OF THE TEAM YET,

SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE
TO TAKE THE DARE.

I'M SORRY,
IT'S KINDA DARK IN HERE.
WHAT'D YOU SAY?

- YOU DON'T HAVE
TO TAKE THE DARE.
- PFFFT!

YOU THINK I CAN'T DO IT?
PICK THE GUY.

HERE'S TO
THE COMPETITIVE SPIRIT.

OKAY, UM, LET'S SEE...

HIM.

- "DO YOU WANNA MAKE OUT"?
- IT WORKS EVERY TIME.

- HI.
- HI.

( mimics
howl )

DON'T LOOK NOW,
BUT MY FRIENDS OVER THERE

DARED ME TO COME
OVER HERE AND KISS YOU.

DO YOU MIND?

- NOT A BIT.
- I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES THEN.

- ( girls cheering, howling )
- * I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY

- * IT'S SUCH A SHAME...
- GIRL, YEAH!

* YOU WEAR THE SNAKESKIN...

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?

- OH, UH-OH.
- Guy: SHE CAME ON TO ME!

- IT WAS A DARE.
- DO I LOOK STUPID TO YOU?

EXCUSE ME, BUT MY FRIEND'S
COLOSTOMY BAG IS ABOUT
TO EXPLODE.

- ( laughing )
- HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?

- COME ON.
- I GO TO THE BATHROOM...

- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- DID YOU JUST SAY I HAVE
A COLOSTOMY BAG?

- LET'S GO.
- HEY, WE NEED TO PAY.

OH, UM, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
I'LL MEET YOU GUYS OUT FRONT.

- OKAY, COOL.
- HEY, UM, I AM SO SORRY
ABOUT THAT.

WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THAT WAS REALLY FUN!

OKAY, GOOD.

- I'LL SEE YOU IN A SECOND.
- OKAY.

* ALL INTO SHAPES

* AND INTO SHARDS

* WE SMASH LIKE GLASS

* WE FALL LIKE STARS

* LEAVE IT ALONE.

SNOOKI POLIZZI WROTE A BOOK.

VALERIE BERTINELLI,
SHE WROTE A BOOK.

KENDRA WILKINSON--
SHE WROTE TWO.

- WHO'S KENDRA WILKINSON?
- ONE OF HUGH HEFNER'S
EX-GIRLFRIENDS.

AND KEITH RICHARDS?
HE PICKLED HIS BRAIN

ON HEROIN AND METH
FOR 20 YEARS AND EVEN
HE WROTE A BOOK.

ACTUALLY I THINK KEITH
WROTE THIS WITH SOMEBODY.

WHATEVER. THE POINT IS
IF ALL OF THESE PEOPLE CAN
WRITE BOOKS ABOUT THEIR LIVES,

WHY CAN'T I?
NO ONE KNOWS MY STORY
BETTER THAN I DO.

AND I GOT STRAIGHT "A"s
IN ENGLISH ALL THROUGH
COLLEGE--

INCLUDING TWO UPPER-DIVISION
CREATIVE WRITING CLASSES.

AND IF I GET STUCK,
I CAN ALWAYS GET SOMEONE
TO HELP ME.

LIKE KENDRA?

HONEY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK IT IS
AN OUTSTANDING IDEA.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY?
- HMM?

I SAY TINA CHOI
CAN GO POUND SAND.

- AH AH AHH AH!
- BUT--

- SHE IS A TOTAL BITCH.
- HONESTLY, I'VE NEVER
SEEN HER LIKE THAT--

SO IT'S ME. I BRING OUT
THE WORST IN HER?

- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
- IT CAN'T BE BECAUSE
I'M HEARING.

YOU'RE HEARING
AND SHE LOVES YOU.

I DON'T THINK EMMETT'S
EVER BEEN THIS SERIOUS
ABOUT SOMEONE BEFORE.

I THINK IT'S PROBABLY JUST
SCARY FOR HER TO THINK
ABOUT LOSING HIM.

OKAY, SO
THE MAMA BEAR SYNDROME?
THAT MAKES IT ALL RIGHT?

- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
- YOU ARE TOTALLY DEFENDING HER.

SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
SHE'S BEEN THERE FOR ME
AND I OWE HER A LOT.

- THAT'S RIGHT, I FORGOT--
AND YOU DON'T OWE ME ANYTHING.
- BAY.

DO YOU EVER NOTICE
THAT THERE IS ALWAYS
SOMEONE BETWEEN US?

- ( door shuts )
- HEY, FORGET YOUR KEY?

NO. I SAW YOU
THROUGH THE WINDOW.

I NEEDED TO TALK TO YOU.

SURE.
WHAT'S UP?

I DECIDED TO TAKE
COACH MEDLOCK'S OFFER.

I'M GOING TO JOIN
THE BUCKNER TEAM.

I THOUGHT
WE DISCUSSED THIS.

NO, I FLOATED THE IDEA
AND YOU SHOT IT DOWN.

I SHOT-- I DIDN'T
SHOOT ANYTHING DOWN.

I SIMPLY REMINDED YOU
THAT YOU HAPPEN TO BE
COMMITTED TO ANOTHER TEAM.

IT'S NOT EVEN A TEAM!
NO ONE CARES IF WE WIN
EXCEPT ME AND YOU!

DAPHNE, I KNOW
THIS IS FRUSTRATING,

BUT WE'RE BUILDING.
THESE THINGS TAKE TIME.

YOU ARE ALWAYS TELLING US
TO TAKE THE SHOT WHEN
WE GET THE CHANCE

BECAUSE WE MIGHT NOT
GET ANOTHER ONE. WELL,
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.

WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE
OF A SEASON.

OKAY, SWEETIE, YOU CANNOT
QUIT YOUR TEAM.

- DO NOT QUIT YOUR TEAM.
- I KNOW YOU DON'T
CARE ABOUT THIS,

- BUT THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS
IN MY LIFE THAT I DON'T LIKE--
- I DO CARE ABOUT THIS.

--AND CAN'T CHANGE.
I CAN CHANGE.HING

I'M SORRY.
I KNOW YOU'RE MAD,

BUT I'M DOING IT.

GOOD NIGHT.

( silent )