Survivor's Remorse (2014–2017): Season 2, Episode 2 - A Time to Punch - full transcript
Cam and M-Chuck have always fought like brothers. But media fallout and scrutiny from a DA making a point about domestic abuse takes them by surprise. Uncle Julius battles with a neighbor whose dog does his business on the Calloway driveway.
Your mother, she was on the red
carpet bragging about whupping you.
- Oh, were you a doting mother?
- Oh, I whupped him good.
I'm marketing a family-friendly franchise.
I can't defend barbaric acts like
hitting kids with extension cords.
I like the words "I made a mistake."
I want you to escort Cam and
his mother to a press conference
at 2:00 today to say those words.
Da Chen Bao... that's
like the Nike of China.
At Nike, you'll be one of many.
But at Da Chen Bao, you will be
our only American basketball player,
the centerpiece of our brand.
- Welcome aboard, Todd.
- Appreciate the job, sir.
- Ah, please, call me Reggie.
- I prefer sir.
Role as house manager
is service and respect.
Listen, uh, you know, my
cousin, he just needs assurances
that the security system works.
- Most assuredly, sir.
- Coke is courting us.
Let this be known... only
Coke comes in the house.
Sir, I have a bit of a personal problem
involving my mother.
Mom was at the airport hailing a taxi.
Bags were on the luggage cart,
had her back to the luggage cart,
cart rolls off the curb, knocks Mom over,
breaks her leg in three spots.
Kind of stupid that those luggage
carts don't have hand brakes.
She's got two plates and nine
70-millimeter screws in her fibula.
She's in searing pain.
I'm sorry to hear, Todd.
They have good pharmaceuticals nowadays.
- They can be relied upon.
- I will say a prayer.
I'm not a believer, but thank you.
What would be of great help, sir,
would be a... a small loan.
- We just hired you, Todd.
- I'm aware.
And I love this job and
it grieves me to ask.
However, there are certain burdens
that insurance won't address.
To wit, chiropraction, and
enhanced hospital meal plan.
Mm-hmm. Also, Mom doesn't have
the upper body strength for crutches.
Her only means of locomotion
is a medical knee scooter.
How much we talking about here, Todd?
Approximately $11,000.
That's a quarter of your salary.
- I wish I made more.
- Got to be another option.
- You got a sibling?
- My half-sister Beth.
Beth got any money?
Beth drowned in 2007.
Water's tough.
Water's one of the tough ones.
Look, I, uh... I'm sorry,
but I can advance you three K.
I don't feel comfortable
with anything else.
Understood. Thank you.
I'm embarrassed I turned a personal
matter into a professional one.
No, no. Yeah, no, it's okay.
Look, I'm sorry, you know,
about your mom. Sorry about Beth.
Sorry all I can give you is three K.
- I won't make mention again.
- Okay.
- My apologies.
- Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
My name is Julius. I
just moved in right here.
Harlan Morgan, next-door neighbor.
Yeah, well, thanks for
the housewarming gift.
The other neighbors done gave us
fruit baskets. What the fuck is this?
- You don't like dogs?
- No, I don't like shit.
Now, you gonna police the rest
of that residue up off the ground?
- The what?
- The base layer.
It's all in the stone. The
logs is the easiest part.
Then, well, how would I do that?
Buy a power washer,
hook it up to your house.
No. Well, it's... it's
barely even a shadow.
Well, it don't take nothing but a
little bit of shit to start a plague.
Moving forward,
stop letting this dog shit
all over the neighborhood.
Now you understand that we're neighbors?
Yeah, do you understand
that you got a big bag
of shit in my face right now
and this is a gated community?
We trying to keep the shit out of here
and not locked in here.
You understand that?
Well, it was really
nice to meet you, Julius.
Yeah, take your dog up there
and shit in your driveway.
Black Mister Rogers-looking motherfucker.
Machine's empty. What the
fuck does Todd do all day?
Not empty. You just got
to put in 50 cents now.
Coke charging us for free Coke?
No, I am. Giving the money to charity.
Write a check, cheapskate.
It ain't about the money. Do you
know how many half-filled cans
I've found just laying around
here since that thing's been here?
People take two sips and forget about it.
Again, what the fuck does Todd do all day?
It's not the mess, either.
It's that it's a symptom.
Of what? People drinking things?
Of us losing respect
for how good we got it.
It's free. It comes here on a truck.
It's greed without gratitude.
Okay? It's offensive. The sin of waste.
How about the sin of being an asshole?
- I'm sorry, what'd you just call me?
- You heard me.
Eh, why we yelling? Why we yelling?
My brother has turned the kitchen
into the break room at Stop & Shop.
- I priced it below average retail.
- Oh, the Coke machine.
Reggie, please tell me this was your
idea so I can understand the douchiness.
No, I admire the spirit,
but I do agree, it is
a pain in the ass, man.
Well, maybe if we couldn't just
push a button, we'd be more mindful.
Little brother, you ain't the Buddha.
It ain't your job to make me more mindful
or to mold my character.
It's to play basketball so you
can make a fuckload of money
so I don't have to pay 50 cents
for a soda you got for free.
This is Atlanta, Mary Charles,
not the last days of Rome.
It's a can of soda, not an orgy.
If it were an orgy machine,
I would pay the 50 cents.
Do you remember when
we didn't have 50 cents?
We always had 50 cents. Don't
make our shit worse than it was.
Great, then you got 50 cents now.
It's 2000-whatever.
Nobody has 50 cents now.
I got 50 cent.
Okay, that is a lot of change.
Lets 'em know I'm coming.
Plus it's fireproof.
- I got 20 K upstairs.
- In quarters?
Susan Bs, nickels, dimes,
- quarters, pennies.
- You ever hear of a bank?
- You ever heard of Patty Hearst?
- No.
Huh, 'cause if you had, your
money'd be upstairs, too.
But live and let live.
- This doesn't piss you off?
- I can afford it.
Cuz, your girl crazy.
Guess I'm alone, then,
huh? Okay, no problem.
Here's what I think of your mindfulness.
Oh, shit! What the fuck?
It was unfortunate that one was open.
What the fuck is all this cursing
about? I'm trying to relax.
That's your daughter.
She's mad at soda tax.
- Yeah, your mindful... mind that!
- Oh, shit!
- Yo, those are custom cabinets.
- Ma, I am sorry,
but I am sick and tired
of his arrogant bullshit.
- Well, you throw like a girl.
- And you duck like a bitch.
- Oh!
- She throw pretty good. She almost picked you off.
Look, I ain't looking for a
daddy, so stop acting like one,
you high-hat, smug fuckie.
- I'm sorry, you gonna do something?
- Oh, I'll do something.
- Oh, please do something.
- Do you want me to do something?
I'm saying don't sit here and
talk about doing something.
- Step the fuck up and do...
- Oh, my God!
What the fuck?! Oh, my God, my baby!
Let's get him up. Lean him up. Lean him up.
- Oh, baby, are you okay?
- Um, no.
How many fingers am I holding up?
- Three, Ma.
- Baby, your eyes are closed.
Ma, you always hold up three fingers.
Okay, how many fingers am I holding up now?
Ma, please.
Who the fuck exercises
wearing a big-ass ring?
- Mafioso.
- I am sorry.
- You punched the money.
- Oh, thanks, Ma.
Baby, I'm sorry. You know what I mean.
Man, we got to get Cam to the hospital.
Last time I seen a eye like
that, it was in my hand.
Okay, no hospitals. We got to
keep this as private as possible.
- Like Mafioso.
- I'ma call the team doctor.
You two best get your story straight.
- Oh, my God.
- Here you go, ma'am.
Thank you. It's gonna be okay, baby.
What you thinking, Doctor?
I think his eye is fucked up.
- Is there a prognosis?
- He's very lucky.
Why people always say that
when bad things happen?
If he was lucky, it'd be your eye.
Stupid people are all lucky
- all day long.
- Shut up.
He's out 10 days, maybe two weeks.
And goggles from now on.
Goggles?
You like your cornea or you don't?
10 days, that's six games.
I'm so sorry, Mr. Flaherty.
I'm over here. How did it happen?
I slipped and fell.
- On what?
- My eye.
- No, what did you slip on?
- On the floor.
- There was Coke on the floor.
- Which was my bad.
You don't slip on Coke. Coke is sticky.
Well, after a while it's sticky.
But at first you slip on it.
And it's marble. Everything's
slippery on marble.
Yeah, yeah, I don't know
how Italians stay upright.
Uh-huh. I really want this to be true
because I think not telling
the truth is a mistake
foolish people make. So are you?
- What, foolish?
- Telling the truth.
Look, I slipped and fell
onto my eye in a pile of Coke.
Let's keep the phrase "a
pile of Coke" out of this.
I fell onto my eye.
Are you sure that's what you're saying?
Because you're gonna be saying it a lot.
Yeah, that's what I'm telling people.
Hey, okay.
What do I know? I mean, maybe
sometimes lying is correct.
There's probably all kinds
of shit we never hear about.
Besides, you're not a man who
enjoys being told what to do.
Am I right? You can deal
with the press in the morning.
You see how white people treat you?
- Uncle Julius.
- Shut the fuck up, man.
There's still one in the room.
I've had it with this shit.
And I didn't see the Coke on the marble.
I didn't grow up with marble floors, man.
Our floors were made of linoleum.
They were covered in grime.
But you spilled anything,
the grime just sucked it up.
Anyways, my feet flew out and
unfortunately I landed on my eye.
Coke is incredibly slippery on floors.
Marble floors, bamboo floors.
If you're gonna spill
Coke, you got to go outside
and do it in the dirt.
Listen, I see you're going with
the old-school Kareem goggles.
Yeah, man. Kareem was a legend, you know?
I'm just trying to be like him.
Here we are, 2-0, tied for first place,
and, you know, I'm just sad I'm not
gonna be out there with my teammates
trying to stay undefeated because
of some crazy freak accident.
I, uh...
I may be misremembering a little bit.
How much they pay you, Todd, you fuck?
I hope it was a lot of money because
nobody has ever been more fired.
Does your mother like her scooter?
I hope she scoots off a fucking cliff.
A really, really steep cliff
and she's on fire and it's a long way down.
Hey, Reg, I kind of
need you over here, man.
One sec, Cam. Then you can spend
the rest of your nonbelieving life knowing
that she's an old fucking
rotten broke-leg corpse
that will never, ever see the face of God
that you don't believe in.
Karen.
Excuse me, which of one of these
dog repellents is most persuasive?
You looking for a temporary
or a permanent solution?
I'm looking for a final solution.
Don't get any on your skin.
Just be quiet.
- Oh, good. You brought your mother.
- That's right.
When you fuck with my kids,
you're fucking with me.
Fantastic. Everyone, this is Clay Beckwith.
He specializes in defending rich
athletes and their felonious relatives.
I'm blessed to have a vibrant practice.
Honestly, Mr. Beckwith, we're
all amazed it's come to this.
Yeah, see, we thought we could
do whatever stupid shit we wanted.
- She apologized.
- 15 times.
And he accepted those apologies because
he knew he had a ass-kicking coming.
You missed his ass by
a considerable distance.
You take what's available.
It's an inexact science.
Would you three little
shits shut the fuck up?
We're here because of a legal situation.
That's why we're paying this fuck nut.
- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
Look, folks, I think we all
understand what's happened here.
What we've got here is a politician
trying to make a name for herself.
There is no more sanctimonious
force on the face of this Earth.
- What's sanctimonious mean?
- White.
- So what do I say to her?
- Absolutely nothing.
Nobody speaks for our side but me.
My job is to keep you all out of jail.
Because being a lesbian is
much less fun when you have to.
You lied to my fucking face.
You want to lose that ring?
And clean up them goggles.
Reg, let me get your pocket square.
Use your pocket square.
No, mine's for decoration.
Mine's for decoration, too.
Look, I'm trying to make a good impression.
- It's too late.
- Your goggles are fine, gentlemen.
Un-fucking-believable.
We make it out of the hood
and now somebody's going to jail?
This is all on you, you know?
How the fuck you figure that?
You couldn't throw a bone to the guy
we had watching over
everything in the house.
Hey, my letter of resignation is
in your in-box whenever you want it.
Don't always be playing that card,
because one day I'm gonna call that bluff.
Hey, you remember when you didn't
need somebody to watch over your shit?
- Yeah, it was April.
- Yeah, so shut the fuck up, April money.
I am the one in trouble, so how
about you two shut the fuck up
before I beat the fucking shit
out of both you little cunts?
Dear God, nobody speak in there.
Mr. Flaherty, sorry I lied.
No, you'll know for next
time, which shouldn't be long.
Just look away.
- It's a pleasure to see you, Mr. Beckwith.
- Sandra.
Ma'am, can I just say right out
I am not gonna press charges.
This is not up to you, Mr.
Calloway. This is a criminal matter.
It's nobody's business what
happens between me and my brother.
The people will decide
what their business is.
Can't we just move forward?
This is not the time to move forward.
This is the time to sit still
and steep in regret and shame.
Domestic violence...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Domestic violence?
This wasn't domestic violence.
It was just people punching in the house.
Yeah, it wasn't even her
fault. I provoked her.
- With physical force?
- No, with the tone of my voice.
What I said. I was very
angry, like, vocally.
- He was asking for it.
- Yeah, I was asking for it.
- He did ask for it.
- There is no asking for it.
- We do not blame the victim.
- I am not a victim.
He's my brother. Siblings fight.
You're adults. Physical violence
is not an acceptable form
of conflict resolution.
My father was 74 years of age
and he beat the shit out of my
Uncle Jerome with his own walker.
Are you really gonna
go door-to-door looking
for every sister who
ever punched her brother?
You'd be a tired motherfucker.
Jesus Christ, what did we
just say not 11 seconds ago?
Just shut the fuck up and let
the lawyer and the DA talk.
You ever see Law & Order?
This is the order part.
What disturbs me most is that
neither of you seems to grasp
what took place, and that's far too common.
Domestic violence
committed by women upon men
is a quieter problem, but it's
a problem that needs a voice.
We must judge everyone on the same plane.
Hold everyone to the same
standard of civilized behavior.
We can't have half the
population hide behind
the cloak of supposed physical inferiority
or force the other half of the population
to suffer under the
yoke of machismo clich?.
This issue has been in
the shadows long enough.
It's the people's job to bring the light.
And we could not agree more.
And given Mr. Calloway's high profile,
we see this as an opportunity
to start the conversation.
Which is why I asked you here
as opposed to just sending
the sheriff to arrest Miss Calloway,
which given her prior record...
I didn't steal that bike. I borrowed it.
Which given her prior record
would not have gone well for her
since she's ineligible
for a diversion program.
But I gave it back.
After all, the most important thing
is to start the conversation.
Well, if the people will forgo prosecution,
Cameron and Mary Charles
will start the conversation.
I'd insist on therapy and
community service for Mary Charles
even if they did start the conversation.
Starting the conversation would not
preclude therapy or community service.
Shall we say 50 hours of therapy
and 500 of community service
and they start the conversation?
How about 70 and 1,000 and
they start the conversation?
60 and 800 assuming there's some
goodwill that comes out of all this
and they start the conversation.
They can tell their story.
I will watch, listen, and decide.
But the people are making no promises.
Who the fuck are the people?
- I mean, she's the only one there.
- Shh.
- We the people.
- I'll tell you later.
Yeah.
Julius.
Harlan. Where's Oscar?
Well...
Oscar passed away.
No.
Did they say what cause?
Excessive exposure to dog repellent.
What's dog repellent?
It's for people who don't like dogs.
Oh.
Oh, my God. They sell that?
In stores?
Yeah.
Yeah, he was my north, my south,
my east, my west.
My working week and my Sunday rest.
Yeah, he was a good dog. Real regular.
It... oh.
You know, people are awful, Julius.
I will agree. People suck.
Get a cat next time.
They got nine lives.
Hello, Georgia Public Radio listeners.
I'm Savannah Couronis and
this is The Daily Peach.
We are speaking with basketball star
and domestic violence victim Cam Calloway
and his sister and assailant Mary Charles.
Now, a warning to our listeners.
Some of the language in this
segment might be a bit graphic.
Cam, some in the media
are calling you a P word
that rhymes with wussy and I
believe means the same thing.
A big P word that rhymes with wussy.
Here's a quote from Charles Barkley.
"Cam Calloway is the league's
biggest P word that rhymes with wussy."
How do you respond?
I thank God for Charles Barkley.
You know, I don't know where
we would be as a society
if we didn't have great minds like Charles
helping us figure stuff out.
One of the great things about this country
is that the most qualified
people have the loudest voices.
Journalists have a job to do
and they're doing it very well.
They're not judging us, which
would be so easy for them to do.
They're not invading our
privacy or elbowing each other
out of the way to say the
same simple, obvious thing
over and over again until,
you know, you want to throw up.
Or turning our lives into scandal porn
in order to feed some sick national hunger
for other people's dirt.
They're better than that.
And with that being said, Savannah,
I'm not a P word that rhymes with wussy.
You know, I'm a good person who has value.
Hmm, every beaten man needs to be
able to say that, don't they, Cam?
Men need to find their voice.
You are very brave.
Mary Charles, are you a monster?
Savannah, the person who threw
that punch, that's not who I am.
It's the I I was, not the I I am
or the I I will be. I've moved forward.
Well, just some cynics might think
that you haven't learned much.
I've learned so much.
What is that much?
I've learned that this is
something God is in charge of.
How so?
You know, I don't know.
It's a mystery. I just
let go and let God...
and let Him use me how...
the way He intended.
If God intends for me to be someone
who endures turmoil and shame
in order to bring awareness
to domestic violence,
then so be it. I got no quibbles with God.
- Yeah, we're big fans of God.
- Hmm.
So God told you to punch your brother?
Oh, I don't say what
God does or doesn't say.
I just keep moving forward.
I'm a work in progress, you know?
What does... what does that mean?
God knows, I don't.
Take a guess.
Time will tell.
I don't follow.
That is the mystery.
It's hard to follow. You just...
you just trust.
You forgive yourself. You move on.
And I look to God
and just hope that
awareness is being raised.
Hmm.
Cam Calloway and his
assaultive sister Mary Charles.
Next up, Fresh Air with Terry Gross
and her guest, homosexual David Sedaris.
He's talking about his new
gender-neutral version of The Mikado.
- That's up next.
- Clear.
Come here, you smug piece of shit!
You want to chew on my carcass?
Let me get you a toothpick.
You think you're the first
girl who ever came at me?
- He was charging me for Coke!
- You have serious issues.
And if I weren't journalist
enough to avoid ever making
myself the story, I would
press my own charges.
How does that feel, Savannah?
It's a headset, you fucking idiot.
I will be back to punch
you in your fucking P word.
Get out, get out.
Any word from that DA?
Mm-mmm. Lawyer thinks she wants more time.
I thought she was sanctimonious and white.
Well, turns out she was
sanctimonious and black.
- There's got to be a word for that.
- Yeah, reverend.
Gonna take a whole lot
to make that bitch happy.
Nobody's happy until they just suck
out every ounce of your self-respect.
I don't give a shit about self-respect.
I will run through Centennial Park naked
with a banana stuck up my ass
to keep from going to jail.
- Pass the soy sauce.
- What?
- The China gravy.
- Oh.
What's wrong with you?
I killed the neighbor's dog.
Oh, come on, who is that now?
Could be anybody. Could be the DA's office,
the sheriff's office, the
Michael Vick Foundation.
This guy.
- Hello?
- Are you out of your mind?
- Chen?
- You are the face and voice of my company.
You cannot tell the world
you were beaten by a woman.
There are no high heels on my sneakers.
We have a word for you in China.
It means man with womanly characteristics.
You came all the way from Shanghai
just to have this conversation?
No, I was in Orlando.
We're canceling Cam's deal.
Maybe he can sell ballet slippers.
Okay, I've heard enough.
Julius, shut the cameras off.
I shut 'em off. Ain't no more
security cameras in this house.
- Who's the new talent?
- That's my mother.
Not possible. Did you
have him when you were 11?
- Ooh, shit!
- Oh.
I meant it as a compliment.
You called my son a pussy.
Why, 'cause he got hit?
Well, I just hit you.
Does that make you a pussy?
No, it makes me someone
in need of cocoa butter.
You have such power in your arms,
which are sinuous yet feminine.
You generate such leverage,
like a much more attractive Manny Pacquiao.
- Hit me again.
- What?
She don't need none of
your compliments, all right?
No, don't... don't kick
away my compliments.
Look, he just compared
you to Manny Pacquiao.
- Sit down.
- Okay, look, what she needs...
actually, what we all need is your help.
Da Chen Bao, madam.
Very much completely at your service.
Not for nothing.
What?
Oh, shit, it's on.
Last year, 385,000 men
were reasonably seriously injured
by the women who beat them.
That's 770,000 every two years.
That's a million every three years.
- A million.
- And then another million.
And then another million.
- And then another million.
- And then another million.
Just more women beating more and more men.
And it has to stop.
Stop saying, "We're smaller,
so how could we possibly hurt you?"
Stop saying, "Take it like a man."
Stop saying, "Walk it off."
Stop women-splainin'.
Stop demonizing men.
Stop saying, "You provoked me."
Stop saying, "That mouth of yours
is gonna get you into trouble."
Stop saying, "He's just
gonna have to tough it out."
Our heart break when faced with sadness.
Our tears are wet like yours.
Domestic violence isn't funny.
Stop saying, "Boys don't cry."
'Cause we do.
I know the stats don't
really compare, but...
But just because they beat
way more women than we do men
don't mean that the men we beat don't hurt.
Domestic violence is nothing to joke about.
Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Knock it off.
Did you have a say in this?
We are long past the point of having a say.
We just do what we're told to do
and keep our heads down
till the moment passes.
When people use a false equivalency
to make light of domestic
violence against women,
it makes me want to punch
someone in their fucking face.
I think I'm gonna go for a run.
carpet bragging about whupping you.
- Oh, were you a doting mother?
- Oh, I whupped him good.
I'm marketing a family-friendly franchise.
I can't defend barbaric acts like
hitting kids with extension cords.
I like the words "I made a mistake."
I want you to escort Cam and
his mother to a press conference
at 2:00 today to say those words.
Da Chen Bao... that's
like the Nike of China.
At Nike, you'll be one of many.
But at Da Chen Bao, you will be
our only American basketball player,
the centerpiece of our brand.
- Welcome aboard, Todd.
- Appreciate the job, sir.
- Ah, please, call me Reggie.
- I prefer sir.
Role as house manager
is service and respect.
Listen, uh, you know, my
cousin, he just needs assurances
that the security system works.
- Most assuredly, sir.
- Coke is courting us.
Let this be known... only
Coke comes in the house.
Sir, I have a bit of a personal problem
involving my mother.
Mom was at the airport hailing a taxi.
Bags were on the luggage cart,
had her back to the luggage cart,
cart rolls off the curb, knocks Mom over,
breaks her leg in three spots.
Kind of stupid that those luggage
carts don't have hand brakes.
She's got two plates and nine
70-millimeter screws in her fibula.
She's in searing pain.
I'm sorry to hear, Todd.
They have good pharmaceuticals nowadays.
- They can be relied upon.
- I will say a prayer.
I'm not a believer, but thank you.
What would be of great help, sir,
would be a... a small loan.
- We just hired you, Todd.
- I'm aware.
And I love this job and
it grieves me to ask.
However, there are certain burdens
that insurance won't address.
To wit, chiropraction, and
enhanced hospital meal plan.
Mm-hmm. Also, Mom doesn't have
the upper body strength for crutches.
Her only means of locomotion
is a medical knee scooter.
How much we talking about here, Todd?
Approximately $11,000.
That's a quarter of your salary.
- I wish I made more.
- Got to be another option.
- You got a sibling?
- My half-sister Beth.
Beth got any money?
Beth drowned in 2007.
Water's tough.
Water's one of the tough ones.
Look, I, uh... I'm sorry,
but I can advance you three K.
I don't feel comfortable
with anything else.
Understood. Thank you.
I'm embarrassed I turned a personal
matter into a professional one.
No, no. Yeah, no, it's okay.
Look, I'm sorry, you know,
about your mom. Sorry about Beth.
Sorry all I can give you is three K.
- I won't make mention again.
- Okay.
- My apologies.
- Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
My name is Julius. I
just moved in right here.
Harlan Morgan, next-door neighbor.
Yeah, well, thanks for
the housewarming gift.
The other neighbors done gave us
fruit baskets. What the fuck is this?
- You don't like dogs?
- No, I don't like shit.
Now, you gonna police the rest
of that residue up off the ground?
- The what?
- The base layer.
It's all in the stone. The
logs is the easiest part.
Then, well, how would I do that?
Buy a power washer,
hook it up to your house.
No. Well, it's... it's
barely even a shadow.
Well, it don't take nothing but a
little bit of shit to start a plague.
Moving forward,
stop letting this dog shit
all over the neighborhood.
Now you understand that we're neighbors?
Yeah, do you understand
that you got a big bag
of shit in my face right now
and this is a gated community?
We trying to keep the shit out of here
and not locked in here.
You understand that?
Well, it was really
nice to meet you, Julius.
Yeah, take your dog up there
and shit in your driveway.
Black Mister Rogers-looking motherfucker.
Machine's empty. What the
fuck does Todd do all day?
Not empty. You just got
to put in 50 cents now.
Coke charging us for free Coke?
No, I am. Giving the money to charity.
Write a check, cheapskate.
It ain't about the money. Do you
know how many half-filled cans
I've found just laying around
here since that thing's been here?
People take two sips and forget about it.
Again, what the fuck does Todd do all day?
It's not the mess, either.
It's that it's a symptom.
Of what? People drinking things?
Of us losing respect
for how good we got it.
It's free. It comes here on a truck.
It's greed without gratitude.
Okay? It's offensive. The sin of waste.
How about the sin of being an asshole?
- I'm sorry, what'd you just call me?
- You heard me.
Eh, why we yelling? Why we yelling?
My brother has turned the kitchen
into the break room at Stop & Shop.
- I priced it below average retail.
- Oh, the Coke machine.
Reggie, please tell me this was your
idea so I can understand the douchiness.
No, I admire the spirit,
but I do agree, it is
a pain in the ass, man.
Well, maybe if we couldn't just
push a button, we'd be more mindful.
Little brother, you ain't the Buddha.
It ain't your job to make me more mindful
or to mold my character.
It's to play basketball so you
can make a fuckload of money
so I don't have to pay 50 cents
for a soda you got for free.
This is Atlanta, Mary Charles,
not the last days of Rome.
It's a can of soda, not an orgy.
If it were an orgy machine,
I would pay the 50 cents.
Do you remember when
we didn't have 50 cents?
We always had 50 cents. Don't
make our shit worse than it was.
Great, then you got 50 cents now.
It's 2000-whatever.
Nobody has 50 cents now.
I got 50 cent.
Okay, that is a lot of change.
Lets 'em know I'm coming.
Plus it's fireproof.
- I got 20 K upstairs.
- In quarters?
Susan Bs, nickels, dimes,
- quarters, pennies.
- You ever hear of a bank?
- You ever heard of Patty Hearst?
- No.
Huh, 'cause if you had, your
money'd be upstairs, too.
But live and let live.
- This doesn't piss you off?
- I can afford it.
Cuz, your girl crazy.
Guess I'm alone, then,
huh? Okay, no problem.
Here's what I think of your mindfulness.
Oh, shit! What the fuck?
It was unfortunate that one was open.
What the fuck is all this cursing
about? I'm trying to relax.
That's your daughter.
She's mad at soda tax.
- Yeah, your mindful... mind that!
- Oh, shit!
- Yo, those are custom cabinets.
- Ma, I am sorry,
but I am sick and tired
of his arrogant bullshit.
- Well, you throw like a girl.
- And you duck like a bitch.
- Oh!
- She throw pretty good. She almost picked you off.
Look, I ain't looking for a
daddy, so stop acting like one,
you high-hat, smug fuckie.
- I'm sorry, you gonna do something?
- Oh, I'll do something.
- Oh, please do something.
- Do you want me to do something?
I'm saying don't sit here and
talk about doing something.
- Step the fuck up and do...
- Oh, my God!
What the fuck?! Oh, my God, my baby!
Let's get him up. Lean him up. Lean him up.
- Oh, baby, are you okay?
- Um, no.
How many fingers am I holding up?
- Three, Ma.
- Baby, your eyes are closed.
Ma, you always hold up three fingers.
Okay, how many fingers am I holding up now?
Ma, please.
Who the fuck exercises
wearing a big-ass ring?
- Mafioso.
- I am sorry.
- You punched the money.
- Oh, thanks, Ma.
Baby, I'm sorry. You know what I mean.
Man, we got to get Cam to the hospital.
Last time I seen a eye like
that, it was in my hand.
Okay, no hospitals. We got to
keep this as private as possible.
- Like Mafioso.
- I'ma call the team doctor.
You two best get your story straight.
- Oh, my God.
- Here you go, ma'am.
Thank you. It's gonna be okay, baby.
What you thinking, Doctor?
I think his eye is fucked up.
- Is there a prognosis?
- He's very lucky.
Why people always say that
when bad things happen?
If he was lucky, it'd be your eye.
Stupid people are all lucky
- all day long.
- Shut up.
He's out 10 days, maybe two weeks.
And goggles from now on.
Goggles?
You like your cornea or you don't?
10 days, that's six games.
I'm so sorry, Mr. Flaherty.
I'm over here. How did it happen?
I slipped and fell.
- On what?
- My eye.
- No, what did you slip on?
- On the floor.
- There was Coke on the floor.
- Which was my bad.
You don't slip on Coke. Coke is sticky.
Well, after a while it's sticky.
But at first you slip on it.
And it's marble. Everything's
slippery on marble.
Yeah, yeah, I don't know
how Italians stay upright.
Uh-huh. I really want this to be true
because I think not telling
the truth is a mistake
foolish people make. So are you?
- What, foolish?
- Telling the truth.
Look, I slipped and fell
onto my eye in a pile of Coke.
Let's keep the phrase "a
pile of Coke" out of this.
I fell onto my eye.
Are you sure that's what you're saying?
Because you're gonna be saying it a lot.
Yeah, that's what I'm telling people.
Hey, okay.
What do I know? I mean, maybe
sometimes lying is correct.
There's probably all kinds
of shit we never hear about.
Besides, you're not a man who
enjoys being told what to do.
Am I right? You can deal
with the press in the morning.
You see how white people treat you?
- Uncle Julius.
- Shut the fuck up, man.
There's still one in the room.
I've had it with this shit.
And I didn't see the Coke on the marble.
I didn't grow up with marble floors, man.
Our floors were made of linoleum.
They were covered in grime.
But you spilled anything,
the grime just sucked it up.
Anyways, my feet flew out and
unfortunately I landed on my eye.
Coke is incredibly slippery on floors.
Marble floors, bamboo floors.
If you're gonna spill
Coke, you got to go outside
and do it in the dirt.
Listen, I see you're going with
the old-school Kareem goggles.
Yeah, man. Kareem was a legend, you know?
I'm just trying to be like him.
Here we are, 2-0, tied for first place,
and, you know, I'm just sad I'm not
gonna be out there with my teammates
trying to stay undefeated because
of some crazy freak accident.
I, uh...
I may be misremembering a little bit.
How much they pay you, Todd, you fuck?
I hope it was a lot of money because
nobody has ever been more fired.
Does your mother like her scooter?
I hope she scoots off a fucking cliff.
A really, really steep cliff
and she's on fire and it's a long way down.
Hey, Reg, I kind of
need you over here, man.
One sec, Cam. Then you can spend
the rest of your nonbelieving life knowing
that she's an old fucking
rotten broke-leg corpse
that will never, ever see the face of God
that you don't believe in.
Karen.
Excuse me, which of one of these
dog repellents is most persuasive?
You looking for a temporary
or a permanent solution?
I'm looking for a final solution.
Don't get any on your skin.
Just be quiet.
- Oh, good. You brought your mother.
- That's right.
When you fuck with my kids,
you're fucking with me.
Fantastic. Everyone, this is Clay Beckwith.
He specializes in defending rich
athletes and their felonious relatives.
I'm blessed to have a vibrant practice.
Honestly, Mr. Beckwith, we're
all amazed it's come to this.
Yeah, see, we thought we could
do whatever stupid shit we wanted.
- She apologized.
- 15 times.
And he accepted those apologies because
he knew he had a ass-kicking coming.
You missed his ass by
a considerable distance.
You take what's available.
It's an inexact science.
Would you three little
shits shut the fuck up?
We're here because of a legal situation.
That's why we're paying this fuck nut.
- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
Look, folks, I think we all
understand what's happened here.
What we've got here is a politician
trying to make a name for herself.
There is no more sanctimonious
force on the face of this Earth.
- What's sanctimonious mean?
- White.
- So what do I say to her?
- Absolutely nothing.
Nobody speaks for our side but me.
My job is to keep you all out of jail.
Because being a lesbian is
much less fun when you have to.
You lied to my fucking face.
You want to lose that ring?
And clean up them goggles.
Reg, let me get your pocket square.
Use your pocket square.
No, mine's for decoration.
Mine's for decoration, too.
Look, I'm trying to make a good impression.
- It's too late.
- Your goggles are fine, gentlemen.
Un-fucking-believable.
We make it out of the hood
and now somebody's going to jail?
This is all on you, you know?
How the fuck you figure that?
You couldn't throw a bone to the guy
we had watching over
everything in the house.
Hey, my letter of resignation is
in your in-box whenever you want it.
Don't always be playing that card,
because one day I'm gonna call that bluff.
Hey, you remember when you didn't
need somebody to watch over your shit?
- Yeah, it was April.
- Yeah, so shut the fuck up, April money.
I am the one in trouble, so how
about you two shut the fuck up
before I beat the fucking shit
out of both you little cunts?
Dear God, nobody speak in there.
Mr. Flaherty, sorry I lied.
No, you'll know for next
time, which shouldn't be long.
Just look away.
- It's a pleasure to see you, Mr. Beckwith.
- Sandra.
Ma'am, can I just say right out
I am not gonna press charges.
This is not up to you, Mr.
Calloway. This is a criminal matter.
It's nobody's business what
happens between me and my brother.
The people will decide
what their business is.
Can't we just move forward?
This is not the time to move forward.
This is the time to sit still
and steep in regret and shame.
Domestic violence...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Domestic violence?
This wasn't domestic violence.
It was just people punching in the house.
Yeah, it wasn't even her
fault. I provoked her.
- With physical force?
- No, with the tone of my voice.
What I said. I was very
angry, like, vocally.
- He was asking for it.
- Yeah, I was asking for it.
- He did ask for it.
- There is no asking for it.
- We do not blame the victim.
- I am not a victim.
He's my brother. Siblings fight.
You're adults. Physical violence
is not an acceptable form
of conflict resolution.
My father was 74 years of age
and he beat the shit out of my
Uncle Jerome with his own walker.
Are you really gonna
go door-to-door looking
for every sister who
ever punched her brother?
You'd be a tired motherfucker.
Jesus Christ, what did we
just say not 11 seconds ago?
Just shut the fuck up and let
the lawyer and the DA talk.
You ever see Law & Order?
This is the order part.
What disturbs me most is that
neither of you seems to grasp
what took place, and that's far too common.
Domestic violence
committed by women upon men
is a quieter problem, but it's
a problem that needs a voice.
We must judge everyone on the same plane.
Hold everyone to the same
standard of civilized behavior.
We can't have half the
population hide behind
the cloak of supposed physical inferiority
or force the other half of the population
to suffer under the
yoke of machismo clich?.
This issue has been in
the shadows long enough.
It's the people's job to bring the light.
And we could not agree more.
And given Mr. Calloway's high profile,
we see this as an opportunity
to start the conversation.
Which is why I asked you here
as opposed to just sending
the sheriff to arrest Miss Calloway,
which given her prior record...
I didn't steal that bike. I borrowed it.
Which given her prior record
would not have gone well for her
since she's ineligible
for a diversion program.
But I gave it back.
After all, the most important thing
is to start the conversation.
Well, if the people will forgo prosecution,
Cameron and Mary Charles
will start the conversation.
I'd insist on therapy and
community service for Mary Charles
even if they did start the conversation.
Starting the conversation would not
preclude therapy or community service.
Shall we say 50 hours of therapy
and 500 of community service
and they start the conversation?
How about 70 and 1,000 and
they start the conversation?
60 and 800 assuming there's some
goodwill that comes out of all this
and they start the conversation.
They can tell their story.
I will watch, listen, and decide.
But the people are making no promises.
Who the fuck are the people?
- I mean, she's the only one there.
- Shh.
- We the people.
- I'll tell you later.
Yeah.
Julius.
Harlan. Where's Oscar?
Well...
Oscar passed away.
No.
Did they say what cause?
Excessive exposure to dog repellent.
What's dog repellent?
It's for people who don't like dogs.
Oh.
Oh, my God. They sell that?
In stores?
Yeah.
Yeah, he was my north, my south,
my east, my west.
My working week and my Sunday rest.
Yeah, he was a good dog. Real regular.
It... oh.
You know, people are awful, Julius.
I will agree. People suck.
Get a cat next time.
They got nine lives.
Hello, Georgia Public Radio listeners.
I'm Savannah Couronis and
this is The Daily Peach.
We are speaking with basketball star
and domestic violence victim Cam Calloway
and his sister and assailant Mary Charles.
Now, a warning to our listeners.
Some of the language in this
segment might be a bit graphic.
Cam, some in the media
are calling you a P word
that rhymes with wussy and I
believe means the same thing.
A big P word that rhymes with wussy.
Here's a quote from Charles Barkley.
"Cam Calloway is the league's
biggest P word that rhymes with wussy."
How do you respond?
I thank God for Charles Barkley.
You know, I don't know where
we would be as a society
if we didn't have great minds like Charles
helping us figure stuff out.
One of the great things about this country
is that the most qualified
people have the loudest voices.
Journalists have a job to do
and they're doing it very well.
They're not judging us, which
would be so easy for them to do.
They're not invading our
privacy or elbowing each other
out of the way to say the
same simple, obvious thing
over and over again until,
you know, you want to throw up.
Or turning our lives into scandal porn
in order to feed some sick national hunger
for other people's dirt.
They're better than that.
And with that being said, Savannah,
I'm not a P word that rhymes with wussy.
You know, I'm a good person who has value.
Hmm, every beaten man needs to be
able to say that, don't they, Cam?
Men need to find their voice.
You are very brave.
Mary Charles, are you a monster?
Savannah, the person who threw
that punch, that's not who I am.
It's the I I was, not the I I am
or the I I will be. I've moved forward.
Well, just some cynics might think
that you haven't learned much.
I've learned so much.
What is that much?
I've learned that this is
something God is in charge of.
How so?
You know, I don't know.
It's a mystery. I just
let go and let God...
and let Him use me how...
the way He intended.
If God intends for me to be someone
who endures turmoil and shame
in order to bring awareness
to domestic violence,
then so be it. I got no quibbles with God.
- Yeah, we're big fans of God.
- Hmm.
So God told you to punch your brother?
Oh, I don't say what
God does or doesn't say.
I just keep moving forward.
I'm a work in progress, you know?
What does... what does that mean?
God knows, I don't.
Take a guess.
Time will tell.
I don't follow.
That is the mystery.
It's hard to follow. You just...
you just trust.
You forgive yourself. You move on.
And I look to God
and just hope that
awareness is being raised.
Hmm.
Cam Calloway and his
assaultive sister Mary Charles.
Next up, Fresh Air with Terry Gross
and her guest, homosexual David Sedaris.
He's talking about his new
gender-neutral version of The Mikado.
- That's up next.
- Clear.
Come here, you smug piece of shit!
You want to chew on my carcass?
Let me get you a toothpick.
You think you're the first
girl who ever came at me?
- He was charging me for Coke!
- You have serious issues.
And if I weren't journalist
enough to avoid ever making
myself the story, I would
press my own charges.
How does that feel, Savannah?
It's a headset, you fucking idiot.
I will be back to punch
you in your fucking P word.
Get out, get out.
Any word from that DA?
Mm-mmm. Lawyer thinks she wants more time.
I thought she was sanctimonious and white.
Well, turns out she was
sanctimonious and black.
- There's got to be a word for that.
- Yeah, reverend.
Gonna take a whole lot
to make that bitch happy.
Nobody's happy until they just suck
out every ounce of your self-respect.
I don't give a shit about self-respect.
I will run through Centennial Park naked
with a banana stuck up my ass
to keep from going to jail.
- Pass the soy sauce.
- What?
- The China gravy.
- Oh.
What's wrong with you?
I killed the neighbor's dog.
Oh, come on, who is that now?
Could be anybody. Could be the DA's office,
the sheriff's office, the
Michael Vick Foundation.
This guy.
- Hello?
- Are you out of your mind?
- Chen?
- You are the face and voice of my company.
You cannot tell the world
you were beaten by a woman.
There are no high heels on my sneakers.
We have a word for you in China.
It means man with womanly characteristics.
You came all the way from Shanghai
just to have this conversation?
No, I was in Orlando.
We're canceling Cam's deal.
Maybe he can sell ballet slippers.
Okay, I've heard enough.
Julius, shut the cameras off.
I shut 'em off. Ain't no more
security cameras in this house.
- Who's the new talent?
- That's my mother.
Not possible. Did you
have him when you were 11?
- Ooh, shit!
- Oh.
I meant it as a compliment.
You called my son a pussy.
Why, 'cause he got hit?
Well, I just hit you.
Does that make you a pussy?
No, it makes me someone
in need of cocoa butter.
You have such power in your arms,
which are sinuous yet feminine.
You generate such leverage,
like a much more attractive Manny Pacquiao.
- Hit me again.
- What?
She don't need none of
your compliments, all right?
No, don't... don't kick
away my compliments.
Look, he just compared
you to Manny Pacquiao.
- Sit down.
- Okay, look, what she needs...
actually, what we all need is your help.
Da Chen Bao, madam.
Very much completely at your service.
Not for nothing.
What?
Oh, shit, it's on.
Last year, 385,000 men
were reasonably seriously injured
by the women who beat them.
That's 770,000 every two years.
That's a million every three years.
- A million.
- And then another million.
And then another million.
- And then another million.
- And then another million.
Just more women beating more and more men.
And it has to stop.
Stop saying, "We're smaller,
so how could we possibly hurt you?"
Stop saying, "Take it like a man."
Stop saying, "Walk it off."
Stop women-splainin'.
Stop demonizing men.
Stop saying, "You provoked me."
Stop saying, "That mouth of yours
is gonna get you into trouble."
Stop saying, "He's just
gonna have to tough it out."
Our heart break when faced with sadness.
Our tears are wet like yours.
Domestic violence isn't funny.
Stop saying, "Boys don't cry."
'Cause we do.
I know the stats don't
really compare, but...
But just because they beat
way more women than we do men
don't mean that the men we beat don't hurt.
Domestic violence is nothing to joke about.
Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Knock it off.
Did you have a say in this?
We are long past the point of having a say.
We just do what we're told to do
and keep our heads down
till the moment passes.
When people use a false equivalency
to make light of domestic
violence against women,
it makes me want to punch
someone in their fucking face.
I think I'm gonna go for a run.