Survivor's Remorse (2014–2017): Season 2, Episode 1 - Grown-Ass Man - full transcript
The Calloway's new mansion makes Cam's old penthouse look like a one-bedroom apartment. Cam's max deal comes with some serious strings attached... to team owner Jimmy Flaherty, who wants as much of Cam's time as is contractually allowed.
Ladies and gentlemen, Cam Calloway!
I just want to thank Mr. Jimmy Flaherty
for bringing me to Atlanta!
There's four people
that I and they were
worthy of a big-time dream.
Those people that believed in me are my family.
[cheering]
You got big new money now, Cam.
It is not your fault that
the world is the way it is
or that where we left ain't paradise.
- I'm just a basketball player.
- Not anymore.
Right now, we new money.
Going with Da Chen Bao sets this family up
so that one day we will have old money.
Bottom line, you got to give back.
CAM: How does it feel kicking
the world's ass like that?
Oh, the world had it coming.
[laughing]
♪
♪ ... you think of it? ♪
♪ Been on this long road
accumulating luggage ♪
♪ As time proceeds,
preoccupied with everything ♪
Home, sweet home.
Look at it. Calloway Castle.
♪ Been on this long road
accumulating luggage ♪
Yes, yes, yes.
♪ As time proceeds,
preoccupied with everything ♪
♪ It's 'bout time that
I sing of nothing ♪
♪ Yo ♪
♪
♪ You better sing that shit, now ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ This how you start
the motherfuckin' show ♪
♪ My fourth joint in a row ♪
♪ The moon's in the
motherfuckin' sky, all right ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Lord, my all, what
would you think of it? ♪
♪ We been on this long
road accumulatin' luggage ♪
♪ As time proceeds,
preoccupied with everything ♪
♪ I think it's about time
that we sing of nothing ♪
♪ So ♪
♪
♪ Been on this long road
accumulating luggage ♪
♪ As time proceeds,
preoccupied with everything ♪
♪ I think it's about time
that I sing of nothing ♪
[laughs] Them haters said I'd fail.
What haters? Plenty of
folks believed in you.
- Not just these fools.
- Yeah, true.
You know, that just what
it seems like I'd say
if this were a movie or something.
'Cause right now it kind of
feels like we live in a movie.
No, no, no, no. If this was a movie,
right about now one of
us would be getting shot.
[laughing] Right? You know
I'm telling the truth, too.
[gunshots]
What the hell?
[laughing] Oh, my God.
Julius shot a moose.
Hey, he was charging us.
It was not. He murdered it.
It ain't murder if you eat it.
I ain't eating no damn moose meat.
That ain't no moose, Ma. That's a deer.
Even worse. I ain't eating Bambi.
Well, we can mount it and make a rug.
Where the hell you get a gun, Uncle Julius?
Bass Pro Shop.
What on earth for?
They have low prices guaranteed.
Look, this is Buckhead.
This ain't the forest.
Why you think they call it Buckhead?
'Cause you shooting bucks in the head.
I think you got this one in the abdomen.
- You can't shoot out here.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm not catching Lame's disease.
It's Lyme's disease.
He's still breathing.
[screams]
[laughing] He keeps doing it.
Does this house have a grill?
- Oh, my God.
- Give me the gun.
- You ain't got no license.
- Come on. Come on.
♪ Whoo ♪
I can't believe you shot Bambi.
Yeah, we in the dirty South. We
got to do what dirty Southerns do.
Cam, just think. If I hadn't
accidentally launched that lawn chair
off your roof deck, your condo
association would have never kicked us out
and we would have never
moved here to Calloway Castle.
You need to think on how lucky you are
nobody was barbecuing 30 floors below
and your home is here, not
the Georgia damn State Pen.
- You're right, Ma.
- Family, take it in.
These are the good days
that we dreamt about.
This is where we supposed to be together.
- Yeah.
- Together, but enough square footage to isolate.
And never have to share a shitter.
Thems that shit apart stick together.
Well, my shit smell like fresh bread
and I know y'all gonna miss it.
[laughs] Well, you fools
fight over bathrooms.
I'm going home to change.
Cam, Flaherty's Bowl-A-Thon
starts at 5:00. Let's go.
Bowling? That's that shit I don't like.
I like any game where the black things
knock down the white things
and we get points for it.
Racist, yet honest.
Why don't you go for me, Uncle J?
Cam, you're going, okay?
It's Flaherty's party
for the luxury box owners.
Well, I'm a player, not a box
owner, man. Get me out of it, Reg.
I will. 48 minutes after you show.
Bowling's fun for everyone.
Sorry, I tried.
It's a mandatory team event.
You don't go, you get fined. You know this.
Work your magic, Reg.
[chuckles] Abraca-fucking-dabra.
I just kept 50K in your bank account.
Flaherty fines Cam 50K
for not bowling with some
douchebags? [Chuckles]
Luxury box-owning douchebags.
Those douchebags help pay these bills.
Look at Missy riffing on douchebags.
I'm not immune to osmosis.
Oh, come on, baby. Be grateful and go.
Ma, I ooze gratitude.
But the season's about to start.
I had a massive preseason. Why?
Rest and focus. Bowling is neither.
It hurts your back. The
scoring is confusing as shit.
Just tell Flaherty I'm sick.
We don't lie anymore, remember?
That's in our mission statement.
See, baby steps. You know
I'm proud of both of you.
Can't we put a few stock lies back on
the table, make life a little easier?
Tell Flaherty you got AIDS.
- What?
- Yeah, he ain't risking AIDS.
Bowl-A-Thon, not Fuck-A-Thon, Uncle J.
How's Flaherty catching AIDS from Cam?
HIV is the thing you catch.
Maybe Flaherty got AIDS and he's
trying to find a fuck companion.
Yeah, he needs a partner.
Don't you be drinking no
drinks with Jimmy Flaherty.
Every event that we attend, we
build favor equity with Flaherty.
His reach is far beyond basketball.
We want to tap into that reach.
As the head of your public
relations, the man is right.
Just go and relate to the public.
Give Flaherty his reach-around
and then you can leave.
Cam, you mind if I get
rid of this lawn decoration
that the previous owners left behind?
Uh-uh, that might be worth some money.
Ooh! Shit.
Even the more reason to smash it.
You can't be throwing shit
around. Missy, you are gangster.
I wanna do it.
[laughing] Yo.
Reg, you know, the more
that I'm around her,
the more that I like her.
And not to be inappropriate,
but I'll bet she wears you out. Mm-mm-mm.
Okay, the mm-mm-mm,
that's pushing it.
Okay, I did too much on that.
You did. Here we go. Baby, we got to go.
Okay, y'all get that shit on in the house.
Come on, get somebody. Get moving.
Missy gotta clean this shit up.
♪ I'm feelin' all right ♪
♪ You're lookin' so fine ♪
♪ I'm feelin' all right ♪
- Jeff Heisner. I own Heisner Paper.
- Hi.
Look, I just spent way too much
on a couple of luxury boxes,
so you don't suck this year, huh?
[chuckles] That's the plan, not sucking.
Yeah, good, good.
♪ Girl, you shake my thing ♪
♪ Come on, you're my everything ♪
Hey, Reggie. Talk to me, pal.
- Oh, Jimmy, your hugs break ribs.
- [Grunts]
Imagine if we were fucking.
Oh, not a day goes by.
[laughs] Thanks for being here.
I know this is kind of corny.
Nah, I mean, it's bowling, you know.
It's a lot of shit, but it's fun, yeah.
Well, this is how we
start winning the heart.
- It's our year, pal.
- From your lips to God's ears, huh?
God has done you, Cam, and me pretty good.
What we do with the rest is up to us.
Hey, I want you to meet someone.
Mickey!
♪ High ♪
♪ You know it's all right ♪
♪ It's all right, all right, all right ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
Excuse me. Do you mind
taking a picture with my kids?
- Absolutely, man.
- Can you lift this one up?
Not too fast. He's been throwing up.
All right.
Noah, put your arm on the man.
Buddy, if you get sick,
just swallow it, yeah?
All right, one, two...
[laughs] Thank you, Malcolm.
My sister Barbara loves you.
Will you tell her to stop doing heroin?
Um, hey, Barbara.
Babs. And it's a message.
♪ As much fun as you
can possibly have ♪
♪ With your pants on ♪
What's that shirt made out of?
Mm, what are you made out of?
[chuckles nervously]
I got a massage business.
♪ Work it and play it,
baby, out here to lose ♪
♪ So show me on the dance floor ♪
Yeah, win, lose, it's all
bread and circuses, right?
Doesn't matter in the big scheme.
- You know what does matter?
- Family.
Numbing the pain of existence.
Stay strong, Babs. You can do it.
I mean, do not do... don't do heroin.
I left my pain back in Boston.
Hell, you give Atlanta time,
it'll disappoint you in
ways you can't even imagine.
You're loved.
[chuckles] Bottoms up.
Your sister loves you.
Heroin has ruined your life.
Thanks, but I got practice.
I don't want to pass judgment.
- Her teeth are really fucked up.
- [Scoffs]
Work on your free throws.
- Hey, 48 minutes?
- Look, I'm sorry, okay?
Look, I got through
talking to the head of Coke.
Man, I'm just trying to
expand your empire, okay?
Yo, stop chatting and start expanding
this force field around me.
I'm like a donkey at a petting zoo, man.
Hey, hey, look around,
okay? Look around, man.
Your presence is bringing people joy, Cam.
All right? This is part of
the dream. Just breathe it in.
I'm breathing it in. It
smells like drunk white people.
Man, bullshit. White people
only smell when they're wet.
You're supposed to be
here so that I can be here
without actually being here.
And when you're not
here, everybody else here
is here right next to me asking
me to do a bunch of things
that a grown-ass man
should not be asked to do.
- All right.
- Give me a ride to the potty.
Will you get this hobbit off me
before I bowl her for a strike?
All right, listen, ma'am,
Cam don't want to start the
season with back problems.
- Are you calling me fat?
- I'm not calling you fat.
Are you a fat shamer?
You know how many season
tickets my daddy buys?
- Eat me.
- Okay, now, now. There's no need...
I've been overserved. But seriously though,
I loved your first press conference.
It was very articulate.
Look at Flaherty summoning me.
No, man, he's just having
fun hosting. One second.
- I'm out of here.
- No, no, no, no. Cam, Cam, Cam.
I'm gonna put a carrot in
each one of these daiquiris
so I can boost my vision so
I know what I'm walking into.
Hey, you bring us a gift bag?
Yeah, this gigantic gift house.
Yeah, you must have ate some shrimp.
You know that shrimp makes him grumpy.
Flaherty is texting me...
"Is everything okay with Cam?"
Oh, it is now 'cause
I'm here and not there.
- He fucked me.
- Flaherty roofied you for real?
- What?
- You don't remember?
Don't wash your underwear.
The DNA is in there.
No, he only fucked with my time.
I did my clown act for two hours.
I got two words for you.
Contractual obligation.
I got three words for you. Grown-ass man.
That's two words, baby.
Grown-ass is hyphenated.
- Bad form to blow off your owner.
- Amen.
He called me over with two fingers
like I was that lawn
darkie that Missy smashed.
Jockey, not darkie.
He's not my owner.
Dogs have owners, okay? He owns a team.
And your contract which requires you
to appear at 25 events per
calendar year. This we agreed to.
Because I agreed to something
doesn't mean that he can make me
do other things at those things.
My contract does not say stay to the end.
- I appeared and then I disappeared.
- No, you snubbed him.
If you'd just disappeared, that
would have been kind of cool.
Yeah, it would have been a dope Vine.
I really like that Houdini shit.
Old Cam was running
away from the plantation.
It's Nat Turner time.
Ease up on the rum, Julius.
Hey, our ancestors was bartered for rum.
I thought you say you don't eat nothing
- our ancestors were bartered for.
- Drinking ain't eating.
CAM: Flaherty's a man same as me.
If he expects me to do
all this extra stuff,
then he best learn to start
treating me like a grown-ass man.
Uncle J, you unpack that Xbox?
Who loves you the most? Follow he.
Texting Flaherty you got the runs.
Wouldn't that lie shit in the
face of your new mission statement?
Actually, text Flaherty
that he disrespected me.
Let's get out of the
past, okay? Get some rest.
You got a ball signing
after practice tomorrow.
- Course I do.
- Ball signing?
What's Friday, shaft stroking?
- Nelson Mandela Night.
- Man, fuck Nelson Mandela.
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Yo! What's wrong with you?
Man, you done lost your rabid-ass mind.
No, I said it. I'm owning it.
My job is playing hoop.
And if Flaherty wants
me focused on that job,
remind him the season starts next week.
Let's roll, Unc.
Let's build that beach house on Minecraft.
Charles, your new salon is on fleet.
It's fleek, Ma, with a K.
Well, that's not how I say it.
Anybody want a hit of this peach schnapps?
- I just had a Valium. I'm good.
- Missy?
Better to be buzzed before that
creamy crack hits your scalp.
I'll suffer through it like
I've done my whole life.
One of these days I'll get the courage
to just chop it all off and start fresh.
It sounds courageous, looks stupid.
Plenty of sisters are transitioning.
Yeah, they go from looking like
a woman to looking like a man.
I mean, it's the 21st
century. Fuck the Afro.
Every bitch cuts her hair, thinks
she's gonna look like Lupita.
Most of them end up looking like
Laurence Fishburne with tits.
Chenika transitioned. She doesn't
look like Laurence Fishburne.
The exception, not the rule.
- Aw, thanks, boo.
- Thank you.
You know what seems stupid... no offense...
is sitting in a salon year after year
forcing our hair into something
that goes against who we are.
You saying I don't make a good blonde?
I'm saying that I wouldn't mind
looking like Chenika here.
An amazing, proud, natural woman.
Look at that hair. It's stunning.
- Oh, stop. No, keep going.
- [All laugh]
Chenika, how long you been rocking
Mother Nature's bush up there?
Buzzed it last Christmas
and never looked back.
- How long before you looked in the mirror?
- A week.
And how many nights have
you cried yourself to sleep?
- 42.
- CASSIE: Mm-hmm.
Shit, that's Jackie Robinson's number.
Missy, Jackie is speaking to you.
He is telling you to be a barrier breaker.
To throw out that creamy
crack and start fresh.
Cry yourself to sleep for 42 nights.
You got wig money.
Mm, I'm burning.
- Charles, wash me out!
- [Laughing]
CASSIE: It ain't funny.
Charles, hurry up!
Welcome aboard, Todd.
Appreciate the job, sir.
- Ah, please, call me Reggie.
- I prefer sir.
Role as house manager
is service and respect.
Yeah, but "sir," it just
sounds kind of sarcastic.
Unintentionally. The use of the address sir
reminds me that I'm not in
your family nor a friend.
I'm in your employ and
the employ of your cousin.
My job, alleviate your pressures
and ensure the property runs smoothly.
My ideal profile, low.
Quietly in the background where I belong.
- [chuckles]
- All right, all right.
Well, listen, you know, my cousin,
he just, he needs assurances
that the security system works,
the cars are taken care of,
the lawn don't grow, and that
the housekeeper keeps the house.
So on and so forth so he can
just focus on playing basketball.
- I'm at your service, sir.
- All right.
Coke is courting us.
Let this be the only
Coke comes in the house.
Nothing?
Okay.
[snoring]
- Unc, wake up, man. It's time to go.
- What?
Uh, Mr. Calloway. [Chuckles]
We have another table of balls.
Just 25 more, we'll release you.
Release me? You the prison warden?
We give these to charities.
Can you just sign a few
more, please? I'm so sorry.
I'll sign one more.
I've got a big day. Lots of things to do.
Lots of game-related stuff
to do that if I don't do well
won't make anyone want a ball signed by me.
You got a lid for this?
[whimpering]
[door opens]
[crying]
Baby, what happened?
Who did this to you?
Did you call the police?
No one did it to me.
I went to the salon
and I had it all cut off.
What?
Why?
I'm sick of forcing myself to
accept another ethnicity's ideal.
Did M-Chuck make you do this?
I just wanted to start fresh.
Be the me I'm supposed to be.
[sobbing]
How bad does it look?
Well, you're crying, so
you know the answer.
It'll grow back, right?
[softly] Yes. Yes, baby.
[sighs]
Wow.
- I can see your scalp.
- [Crying]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I said that. I'm sorry.
[revs, cuts engine]
Yo, this is my parking spot.
Appears to now be a handicapped spot.
Yesterday it was not.
It is autumn. Change is everywhere.
There's handicapped spots right there.
Yes, filled with a car.
Every day the world makes more cripples.
Garages must keep pace.
But how does my spot turn handi spot?
They take blue paint and paint it.
Okay, I got practice.
I'm gonna park here in what
was just my spot yesterday.
Yes, sir, no problem, but do
you have a handicapped placard?
Uh, no, not yet. But I will.
And whoever made this a
handicapped spot, they will, too.
Ah, then this new spot
is probably in anticipation
of that very moment.
[sighs] You know what,
let's reboot. I'm Cam.
Yes, each day you walk by
without removing your headphones. I'm Abeo.
- Cool accent, Abeo. Where you from?
- Nigeria.
Where one follows the
rules or life gets very sad.
Well, here in America, when random
rules are changed without warning,
we ignore them with a
thing called a protest.
Parking here is my protest. Excuse me.
I admire your activism.
In Nigeria, I would now
be ordered to shoot you.
But we're in America, so have a nice day.
[phone beeps] Call Reggie.
[tires squeal]
[cuts engine]
[knocks]
[doorbell rings]
[knocks]
Flaherty changed my parking spot.
Okay, surprise visit. How was practice?
Shitty! You got to get in Flaherty's face.
Okay, some things are house
calls, some things are phone calls.
I called you before I went into
practice. You never called me back.
- No, I texted you.
- Yeah, you say, "Hit me back."
I'm hitting you back in
person. I need some water.
Okay, look, how you doing
today, man? You good?
Look, Flaherty knows that this
is gonna fucking piss me off.
And, you know, he's wanting
me to do something stupid
like skip practice just
so he can fucking fine me.
Okay, dude, come on now.
You dreamed to be a star.
You're the star with all the
shit thereto appertaining.
Focus on that. Don't sweat
Flaherty doing Flaherty shit.
- That's what they do. That's owners.
- Reg! Reg!
- What?
- You know me. He doesn't know me.
He does not know how hard that I work.
Okay, we're on the move again.
And you know what? Now I'm worked up.
Now you're the guy who once
we signed this big contract,
you compared us to survivors of a shipwreck
obligated to help everybody we know
to pay back the universe for
all of our hard-earned blessings.
You remember that? Now I'm trying
to reconcile that guy with this guy.
- That is not this.
- That is this.
And this is that. And you
got to choose your battles.
Only a moron marches into
war over a parking spot.
- Oh, you calling me a moron?
- No,
I'm saying you're making
nothing into something.
Reg, I'm here at this point in my life
because I made nothing into something.
- Oh, Cam, come the fuck on.
- I'm here because I threaded the needle.
I am 6'2", 175 pounds, playing pro ball.
That doesn't happen without hard work
and the force of my will.
I got to work harder than others.
Okay, look, just... just sleep
on it. Let me get into it.
No, man, I don't want
to fucking sleep on it!
I'd rather just sleep.
Get some good night rest
like I've been trying to do
to get up to work out, to work hard,
do shit that motherfuckers
like me don't do.
Fucking yoga and Pilates.
So I can lift weights, watch
film, work on my free throws.
Shit that's gonna make
me better for the season.
Flaherty knows all of that.
Flaherty thinks every hour is his hour.
It's not. I've got to fill
my hours with real work.
Hard work is the only thing that keeping
me from fucking this whole thing up
and going back to being a nobody.
Cam, you make too much money
now to ever be a nobody again.
No, money doesn't make you somebody.
Being somebody makes you somebody.
Set his ass straight.
Okay. That's it?
Great to see you. Safe home.
♪
Players say there's a dead spot right here.
Will you look into that for me, please?
And do something about this.
We're selling basketball,
not Brawny paper towels.
You changed his parking spot?
Oh, I got your cousin's attention.
Couldn't get it the other night.
Couldn't get it yesterday when he
signed this "indentured servant."
Okay, Jimmy, Cam's focus
is winning on the court.
Okay? Taking your team to that next level.
That's his main obligation.
Your cousin has other obligations.
Obligations outlined in
the contract you negotiated.
The truth? They were left a little vague.
He's embarrassing himself.
But worse, he's embarrassing me.
Does he even know what
an indentured servant is?
Oh, he crushed his verbal SAT.
Well, then let's conjure up the spirits
of some indentured servants who
worked for squat for seven to 10 years
to repay the cost of a disease-ridden
transatlantic boat ride.
The Irish brethren of my forebearers.
Oh, you don't want to
compare disease-ridden
transatlantic boat rides with me.
Only seven to 10 before freedom? [Chuckles]
Sounds like your Irish bros got
off better than my African ones.
Mine got... oh, right, zero till lynched.
Not all of them got lynched.
Plenty got shot for no reason.
Diane.
Reggie, this is Diane, my new assistant.
Diane, Reggie's cousin
is the indentured servant
who parked his Aston Martin
in your handicapped spot.
- I apologize for my cousin.
- Common occurrence.
Diane, get on Amazon Prime
and order me a Ouija board.
Reggie and I are gonna conjure up the
ghosts of some indentured servants.
- Right away.
- Get one of those drones to fly it down here today.
Listen, any conjuring
of ghosts will only serve
to freak me the fuck
out. I don't like ghosts.
Yet your cousin seems
to be impersonating one
every time he's got an
off-court obligation.
I'm now showing you both
a shit ton of respect
because I retain the hope that
all those smiley, happy things
we said to each other when Cam
signed here are still possible.
He brought me his problem.
I'm bringing it to you. Let's fix it.
I'm fixing it by telling you
to get your cousin set straight.
Stop making your problems my problems.
You guys are showing me right now
you're not the kind of
men I thought you were.
I thought you were givers.
Seems to me you're just takers.
You should have called me before
you changed his parking spot.
You shouldn't tell me
how to run my business
when I'm paying Cam a fuck ton.
That's right, I used shit ton and fuck ton
within 30 seconds of each other.
I'm like that. Unpredictable when provoked.
Maybe you should go into law enforcement.
Friday is Nelson Mandela Night.
I expect Cam to be there
representing the team
and paying respects to Nelson Mandela.
I can't make any promises.
Hey, Reggie,
Cam doesn't want to get in
a pissing contest with me.
I'm the most hydrated man you know.
♪
You know, no offense,
but that look like a bag
of Skittles on your head.
Not helping. Dude, come on.
You can't blow off Mandela Night.
I'm not blowing it off.
I'm choosing to honor
Mr. Mandela in a way of my
own at a time of my choosing.
Yeah, it's like when Prince decided
not to sing on "We Are the World."
He's gonna stomp out hunger
in his high-heeled boots,
not pimping next to Bob Seger.
- Bruce Springsteen.
- Same difference, Ma.
Folks, transportation has arrived.
I like having butlers.
I don't. You know, white people steal, too.
Cam, you don't want to get in a
pissing contest with Jimmy Flaherty.
How's he supposed to know how to respect me
if I don't show him how it's done?
You get copies of your
bank statements, right?
It ain't always about the money.
It's always about the money.
No, you got to show people
that you can't be messed with
so that they won't mess with you.
Y'all can go ahead, man. I'm good.
This is a bad idea.
[singing in foreign language]
Missy, looking great.
Yeah, she done went and got all Winnied up.
Pre-murder and fraud charges.
- Looking dapper, Jimmy.
- No, I'm not.
I, like most men, should not
veer off fashion's main boulevard.
But thank you for saying so. Where's Cam?
He stayed home.
Not feeling right.
Sorry to hear that.
Well, thank you all for being here.
I must mingle.
Cheers.
He is pissed. Call Cam.
What, make him happy that Flaherty's mad?
Mm-mm, no. I'm gonna have a drink,
dance with my beautiful wife,
and be glad that the contract
Cam signed is guaranteed.
I got to shit.
Why do you have to announce that?
It's like he wants people to go with him.
- Just go do it, Uncle Julius.
- Just go.
[video game crowd cheering]
GAME ANNOUNCER: And this over
celebration is embarrassing.
Put the ball in the goal
and act like it's...
Sir, a Mr. Flaherty to see you.
Flaherty: I told you, he knows who I am.
Blowing off Mandela Night is dumb.
Mandela preached passive
resistance. I'm following his lead.
Nelson Mandela was unjustly
imprisoned for 27 years.
What point you making?
That you're an ungrateful
prick upset about stupid shit?
My time is stupid shit?
I'm trying to build your
franchise and bring you a title.
[whistle blows]
Here's one of the ways that works.
We make people think that the sport
you're playing is worth them parting
with a portion of their paycheck.
We do it through advertising and promotion
and charitable activities.
But one of the most
effective ways we do that
is we show up, we shake
hands, and we say thank you.
What I care about is the
season. Success on the floor.
Okay, I'm not an indentured servant,
but I'm also not an errand boy
or a mascot in parking lot G.
- I'm a grown-ass man.
- Is that in dispute?
You going bald on a nut sack or something?
At the Bowl-A-Thon you called
me over with two fingers.
You might as well whistled like
I'm a dog. And I'm not having it.
Cam, look at me. I'm wearing a dashiki.
Why? Because it's Nelson Mandela Night.
I look ridiculous. There's a fucking hat
that goes with it, too,
but I left that in the car.
But the Mandela organization
asked me to wear it,
and so here I am wearing it.
Sometimes grown-ass men got to
do things they don't want to do.
You called me over like this.
Where I come from that's how you
get a person to come near you.
You wave them over with the part
of your body made for waving.
You're treating me like a boy.
Are you shitting me?
Where does this idea come from
that one man calling
another man across the room
miniaturizes one of
those people into a boy?
This means I've got some
good shit for you to hear.
This is where the good shit starts.
No, not from where I'm standing.
I wanted to introduce you
to a season ticket holder
who beat cancer by sticking
to your workout regimen
that he read about in "Sports Illustrated."
For fuck's sake. The music was blaring.
Bowling pins are getting
knocked down left and right.
That room was a shit show of
sound with a bunch of drunks.
But there were a lot of people
there I wanted you to meet.
People who can expand your
business off the court.
I know what you aspire to.
I believe in you.
I believe in your talent.
I'm paying you like I do.
But if you're gonna treat me
like I'm just some asshole owner
out to inconvenience you,
I'll find you another team.
You need some more
security at these events.
Those people were all over me.
One night a year, the folks who
buy the tickets that pay your salary
have a right to be all over you.
See, do you see what
you're doing right there?
You're trying to teach me.
You're trying to school me.
Talk to me, not at me.
I'm a grown-ass man.
[sighs]
I will consider your personal time.
But if we're gonna make
this a worthy experience,
titles or not, you got to do two things.
One, drastically limit what annoys you.
And two, stop saying things
like "I'm a grown-ass man."
All it does is tell people you're not.
Tonight the team is honoring a great man
and raising awareness for causes
that help people in Africa.
Apparently there's still
some problems over there.
I would like my star player in attendance.
If you choose to stay home,
so be it.
[choir singing]
♪ We've only just begun ♪
♪ To live ♪
♪ White lace and promises... ♪
Mandela liked the Carpenters?
Hell, everybody like the carpenters.
Who you think built your house?
Kids sound great.
Sorry about the song choice.
The chorus choice.
And the Mandela painting.
I've been trying not to micromanage.
Now you see why I have to.
You can leave any time.
After the chorus.
♪ We've only just... ♪
[sighs]
♪ We've only just begun ♪
♪ Ooh, to live ♪
♪ White lace and promises ♪
♪ A kiss for luck then
we're on our way ♪
- ♪ Before the risin' sun ♪
- _
- ♪ Ooh, we fly ♪
- _
♪ There's so many roads to choose ♪
♪ We'll start out walkin'
and learn to run ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, we've just begun, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, we've just begun, baby ♪
♪ Oh, they said that we ♪
♪ That we'd stay together ♪
♪ We can take this thing all
through kinds of weather ♪
♪ Oh, we gonna make it, baby ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
I just want to thank Mr. Jimmy Flaherty
for bringing me to Atlanta!
There's four people
that I and they were
worthy of a big-time dream.
Those people that believed in me are my family.
[cheering]
You got big new money now, Cam.
It is not your fault that
the world is the way it is
or that where we left ain't paradise.
- I'm just a basketball player.
- Not anymore.
Right now, we new money.
Going with Da Chen Bao sets this family up
so that one day we will have old money.
Bottom line, you got to give back.
CAM: How does it feel kicking
the world's ass like that?
Oh, the world had it coming.
[laughing]
♪
♪ ... you think of it? ♪
♪ Been on this long road
accumulating luggage ♪
♪ As time proceeds,
preoccupied with everything ♪
Home, sweet home.
Look at it. Calloway Castle.
♪ Been on this long road
accumulating luggage ♪
Yes, yes, yes.
♪ As time proceeds,
preoccupied with everything ♪
♪ It's 'bout time that
I sing of nothing ♪
♪ Yo ♪
♪
♪ You better sing that shit, now ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ This how you start
the motherfuckin' show ♪
♪ My fourth joint in a row ♪
♪ The moon's in the
motherfuckin' sky, all right ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Lord, my all, what
would you think of it? ♪
♪ We been on this long
road accumulatin' luggage ♪
♪ As time proceeds,
preoccupied with everything ♪
♪ I think it's about time
that we sing of nothing ♪
♪ So ♪
♪
♪ Been on this long road
accumulating luggage ♪
♪ As time proceeds,
preoccupied with everything ♪
♪ I think it's about time
that I sing of nothing ♪
[laughs] Them haters said I'd fail.
What haters? Plenty of
folks believed in you.
- Not just these fools.
- Yeah, true.
You know, that just what
it seems like I'd say
if this were a movie or something.
'Cause right now it kind of
feels like we live in a movie.
No, no, no, no. If this was a movie,
right about now one of
us would be getting shot.
[laughing] Right? You know
I'm telling the truth, too.
[gunshots]
What the hell?
[laughing] Oh, my God.
Julius shot a moose.
Hey, he was charging us.
It was not. He murdered it.
It ain't murder if you eat it.
I ain't eating no damn moose meat.
That ain't no moose, Ma. That's a deer.
Even worse. I ain't eating Bambi.
Well, we can mount it and make a rug.
Where the hell you get a gun, Uncle Julius?
Bass Pro Shop.
What on earth for?
They have low prices guaranteed.
Look, this is Buckhead.
This ain't the forest.
Why you think they call it Buckhead?
'Cause you shooting bucks in the head.
I think you got this one in the abdomen.
- You can't shoot out here.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm not catching Lame's disease.
It's Lyme's disease.
He's still breathing.
[screams]
[laughing] He keeps doing it.
Does this house have a grill?
- Oh, my God.
- Give me the gun.
- You ain't got no license.
- Come on. Come on.
♪ Whoo ♪
I can't believe you shot Bambi.
Yeah, we in the dirty South. We
got to do what dirty Southerns do.
Cam, just think. If I hadn't
accidentally launched that lawn chair
off your roof deck, your condo
association would have never kicked us out
and we would have never
moved here to Calloway Castle.
You need to think on how lucky you are
nobody was barbecuing 30 floors below
and your home is here, not
the Georgia damn State Pen.
- You're right, Ma.
- Family, take it in.
These are the good days
that we dreamt about.
This is where we supposed to be together.
- Yeah.
- Together, but enough square footage to isolate.
And never have to share a shitter.
Thems that shit apart stick together.
Well, my shit smell like fresh bread
and I know y'all gonna miss it.
[laughs] Well, you fools
fight over bathrooms.
I'm going home to change.
Cam, Flaherty's Bowl-A-Thon
starts at 5:00. Let's go.
Bowling? That's that shit I don't like.
I like any game where the black things
knock down the white things
and we get points for it.
Racist, yet honest.
Why don't you go for me, Uncle J?
Cam, you're going, okay?
It's Flaherty's party
for the luxury box owners.
Well, I'm a player, not a box
owner, man. Get me out of it, Reg.
I will. 48 minutes after you show.
Bowling's fun for everyone.
Sorry, I tried.
It's a mandatory team event.
You don't go, you get fined. You know this.
Work your magic, Reg.
[chuckles] Abraca-fucking-dabra.
I just kept 50K in your bank account.
Flaherty fines Cam 50K
for not bowling with some
douchebags? [Chuckles]
Luxury box-owning douchebags.
Those douchebags help pay these bills.
Look at Missy riffing on douchebags.
I'm not immune to osmosis.
Oh, come on, baby. Be grateful and go.
Ma, I ooze gratitude.
But the season's about to start.
I had a massive preseason. Why?
Rest and focus. Bowling is neither.
It hurts your back. The
scoring is confusing as shit.
Just tell Flaherty I'm sick.
We don't lie anymore, remember?
That's in our mission statement.
See, baby steps. You know
I'm proud of both of you.
Can't we put a few stock lies back on
the table, make life a little easier?
Tell Flaherty you got AIDS.
- What?
- Yeah, he ain't risking AIDS.
Bowl-A-Thon, not Fuck-A-Thon, Uncle J.
How's Flaherty catching AIDS from Cam?
HIV is the thing you catch.
Maybe Flaherty got AIDS and he's
trying to find a fuck companion.
Yeah, he needs a partner.
Don't you be drinking no
drinks with Jimmy Flaherty.
Every event that we attend, we
build favor equity with Flaherty.
His reach is far beyond basketball.
We want to tap into that reach.
As the head of your public
relations, the man is right.
Just go and relate to the public.
Give Flaherty his reach-around
and then you can leave.
Cam, you mind if I get
rid of this lawn decoration
that the previous owners left behind?
Uh-uh, that might be worth some money.
Ooh! Shit.
Even the more reason to smash it.
You can't be throwing shit
around. Missy, you are gangster.
I wanna do it.
[laughing] Yo.
Reg, you know, the more
that I'm around her,
the more that I like her.
And not to be inappropriate,
but I'll bet she wears you out. Mm-mm-mm.
Okay, the mm-mm-mm,
that's pushing it.
Okay, I did too much on that.
You did. Here we go. Baby, we got to go.
Okay, y'all get that shit on in the house.
Come on, get somebody. Get moving.
Missy gotta clean this shit up.
♪ I'm feelin' all right ♪
♪ You're lookin' so fine ♪
♪ I'm feelin' all right ♪
- Jeff Heisner. I own Heisner Paper.
- Hi.
Look, I just spent way too much
on a couple of luxury boxes,
so you don't suck this year, huh?
[chuckles] That's the plan, not sucking.
Yeah, good, good.
♪ Girl, you shake my thing ♪
♪ Come on, you're my everything ♪
Hey, Reggie. Talk to me, pal.
- Oh, Jimmy, your hugs break ribs.
- [Grunts]
Imagine if we were fucking.
Oh, not a day goes by.
[laughs] Thanks for being here.
I know this is kind of corny.
Nah, I mean, it's bowling, you know.
It's a lot of shit, but it's fun, yeah.
Well, this is how we
start winning the heart.
- It's our year, pal.
- From your lips to God's ears, huh?
God has done you, Cam, and me pretty good.
What we do with the rest is up to us.
Hey, I want you to meet someone.
Mickey!
♪ High ♪
♪ You know it's all right ♪
♪ It's all right, all right, all right ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
Excuse me. Do you mind
taking a picture with my kids?
- Absolutely, man.
- Can you lift this one up?
Not too fast. He's been throwing up.
All right.
Noah, put your arm on the man.
Buddy, if you get sick,
just swallow it, yeah?
All right, one, two...
[laughs] Thank you, Malcolm.
My sister Barbara loves you.
Will you tell her to stop doing heroin?
Um, hey, Barbara.
Babs. And it's a message.
♪ As much fun as you
can possibly have ♪
♪ With your pants on ♪
What's that shirt made out of?
Mm, what are you made out of?
[chuckles nervously]
I got a massage business.
♪ Work it and play it,
baby, out here to lose ♪
♪ So show me on the dance floor ♪
Yeah, win, lose, it's all
bread and circuses, right?
Doesn't matter in the big scheme.
- You know what does matter?
- Family.
Numbing the pain of existence.
Stay strong, Babs. You can do it.
I mean, do not do... don't do heroin.
I left my pain back in Boston.
Hell, you give Atlanta time,
it'll disappoint you in
ways you can't even imagine.
You're loved.
[chuckles] Bottoms up.
Your sister loves you.
Heroin has ruined your life.
Thanks, but I got practice.
I don't want to pass judgment.
- Her teeth are really fucked up.
- [Scoffs]
Work on your free throws.
- Hey, 48 minutes?
- Look, I'm sorry, okay?
Look, I got through
talking to the head of Coke.
Man, I'm just trying to
expand your empire, okay?
Yo, stop chatting and start expanding
this force field around me.
I'm like a donkey at a petting zoo, man.
Hey, hey, look around,
okay? Look around, man.
Your presence is bringing people joy, Cam.
All right? This is part of
the dream. Just breathe it in.
I'm breathing it in. It
smells like drunk white people.
Man, bullshit. White people
only smell when they're wet.
You're supposed to be
here so that I can be here
without actually being here.
And when you're not
here, everybody else here
is here right next to me asking
me to do a bunch of things
that a grown-ass man
should not be asked to do.
- All right.
- Give me a ride to the potty.
Will you get this hobbit off me
before I bowl her for a strike?
All right, listen, ma'am,
Cam don't want to start the
season with back problems.
- Are you calling me fat?
- I'm not calling you fat.
Are you a fat shamer?
You know how many season
tickets my daddy buys?
- Eat me.
- Okay, now, now. There's no need...
I've been overserved. But seriously though,
I loved your first press conference.
It was very articulate.
Look at Flaherty summoning me.
No, man, he's just having
fun hosting. One second.
- I'm out of here.
- No, no, no, no. Cam, Cam, Cam.
I'm gonna put a carrot in
each one of these daiquiris
so I can boost my vision so
I know what I'm walking into.
Hey, you bring us a gift bag?
Yeah, this gigantic gift house.
Yeah, you must have ate some shrimp.
You know that shrimp makes him grumpy.
Flaherty is texting me...
"Is everything okay with Cam?"
Oh, it is now 'cause
I'm here and not there.
- He fucked me.
- Flaherty roofied you for real?
- What?
- You don't remember?
Don't wash your underwear.
The DNA is in there.
No, he only fucked with my time.
I did my clown act for two hours.
I got two words for you.
Contractual obligation.
I got three words for you. Grown-ass man.
That's two words, baby.
Grown-ass is hyphenated.
- Bad form to blow off your owner.
- Amen.
He called me over with two fingers
like I was that lawn
darkie that Missy smashed.
Jockey, not darkie.
He's not my owner.
Dogs have owners, okay? He owns a team.
And your contract which requires you
to appear at 25 events per
calendar year. This we agreed to.
Because I agreed to something
doesn't mean that he can make me
do other things at those things.
My contract does not say stay to the end.
- I appeared and then I disappeared.
- No, you snubbed him.
If you'd just disappeared, that
would have been kind of cool.
Yeah, it would have been a dope Vine.
I really like that Houdini shit.
Old Cam was running
away from the plantation.
It's Nat Turner time.
Ease up on the rum, Julius.
Hey, our ancestors was bartered for rum.
I thought you say you don't eat nothing
- our ancestors were bartered for.
- Drinking ain't eating.
CAM: Flaherty's a man same as me.
If he expects me to do
all this extra stuff,
then he best learn to start
treating me like a grown-ass man.
Uncle J, you unpack that Xbox?
Who loves you the most? Follow he.
Texting Flaherty you got the runs.
Wouldn't that lie shit in the
face of your new mission statement?
Actually, text Flaherty
that he disrespected me.
Let's get out of the
past, okay? Get some rest.
You got a ball signing
after practice tomorrow.
- Course I do.
- Ball signing?
What's Friday, shaft stroking?
- Nelson Mandela Night.
- Man, fuck Nelson Mandela.
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Yo! What's wrong with you?
Man, you done lost your rabid-ass mind.
No, I said it. I'm owning it.
My job is playing hoop.
And if Flaherty wants
me focused on that job,
remind him the season starts next week.
Let's roll, Unc.
Let's build that beach house on Minecraft.
Charles, your new salon is on fleet.
It's fleek, Ma, with a K.
Well, that's not how I say it.
Anybody want a hit of this peach schnapps?
- I just had a Valium. I'm good.
- Missy?
Better to be buzzed before that
creamy crack hits your scalp.
I'll suffer through it like
I've done my whole life.
One of these days I'll get the courage
to just chop it all off and start fresh.
It sounds courageous, looks stupid.
Plenty of sisters are transitioning.
Yeah, they go from looking like
a woman to looking like a man.
I mean, it's the 21st
century. Fuck the Afro.
Every bitch cuts her hair, thinks
she's gonna look like Lupita.
Most of them end up looking like
Laurence Fishburne with tits.
Chenika transitioned. She doesn't
look like Laurence Fishburne.
The exception, not the rule.
- Aw, thanks, boo.
- Thank you.
You know what seems stupid... no offense...
is sitting in a salon year after year
forcing our hair into something
that goes against who we are.
You saying I don't make a good blonde?
I'm saying that I wouldn't mind
looking like Chenika here.
An amazing, proud, natural woman.
Look at that hair. It's stunning.
- Oh, stop. No, keep going.
- [All laugh]
Chenika, how long you been rocking
Mother Nature's bush up there?
Buzzed it last Christmas
and never looked back.
- How long before you looked in the mirror?
- A week.
And how many nights have
you cried yourself to sleep?
- 42.
- CASSIE: Mm-hmm.
Shit, that's Jackie Robinson's number.
Missy, Jackie is speaking to you.
He is telling you to be a barrier breaker.
To throw out that creamy
crack and start fresh.
Cry yourself to sleep for 42 nights.
You got wig money.
Mm, I'm burning.
- Charles, wash me out!
- [Laughing]
CASSIE: It ain't funny.
Charles, hurry up!
Welcome aboard, Todd.
Appreciate the job, sir.
- Ah, please, call me Reggie.
- I prefer sir.
Role as house manager
is service and respect.
Yeah, but "sir," it just
sounds kind of sarcastic.
Unintentionally. The use of the address sir
reminds me that I'm not in
your family nor a friend.
I'm in your employ and
the employ of your cousin.
My job, alleviate your pressures
and ensure the property runs smoothly.
My ideal profile, low.
Quietly in the background where I belong.
- [chuckles]
- All right, all right.
Well, listen, you know, my cousin,
he just, he needs assurances
that the security system works,
the cars are taken care of,
the lawn don't grow, and that
the housekeeper keeps the house.
So on and so forth so he can
just focus on playing basketball.
- I'm at your service, sir.
- All right.
Coke is courting us.
Let this be the only
Coke comes in the house.
Nothing?
Okay.
[snoring]
- Unc, wake up, man. It's time to go.
- What?
Uh, Mr. Calloway. [Chuckles]
We have another table of balls.
Just 25 more, we'll release you.
Release me? You the prison warden?
We give these to charities.
Can you just sign a few
more, please? I'm so sorry.
I'll sign one more.
I've got a big day. Lots of things to do.
Lots of game-related stuff
to do that if I don't do well
won't make anyone want a ball signed by me.
You got a lid for this?
[whimpering]
[door opens]
[crying]
Baby, what happened?
Who did this to you?
Did you call the police?
No one did it to me.
I went to the salon
and I had it all cut off.
What?
Why?
I'm sick of forcing myself to
accept another ethnicity's ideal.
Did M-Chuck make you do this?
I just wanted to start fresh.
Be the me I'm supposed to be.
[sobbing]
How bad does it look?
Well, you're crying, so
you know the answer.
It'll grow back, right?
[softly] Yes. Yes, baby.
[sighs]
Wow.
- I can see your scalp.
- [Crying]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I said that. I'm sorry.
[revs, cuts engine]
Yo, this is my parking spot.
Appears to now be a handicapped spot.
Yesterday it was not.
It is autumn. Change is everywhere.
There's handicapped spots right there.
Yes, filled with a car.
Every day the world makes more cripples.
Garages must keep pace.
But how does my spot turn handi spot?
They take blue paint and paint it.
Okay, I got practice.
I'm gonna park here in what
was just my spot yesterday.
Yes, sir, no problem, but do
you have a handicapped placard?
Uh, no, not yet. But I will.
And whoever made this a
handicapped spot, they will, too.
Ah, then this new spot
is probably in anticipation
of that very moment.
[sighs] You know what,
let's reboot. I'm Cam.
Yes, each day you walk by
without removing your headphones. I'm Abeo.
- Cool accent, Abeo. Where you from?
- Nigeria.
Where one follows the
rules or life gets very sad.
Well, here in America, when random
rules are changed without warning,
we ignore them with a
thing called a protest.
Parking here is my protest. Excuse me.
I admire your activism.
In Nigeria, I would now
be ordered to shoot you.
But we're in America, so have a nice day.
[phone beeps] Call Reggie.
[tires squeal]
[cuts engine]
[knocks]
[doorbell rings]
[knocks]
Flaherty changed my parking spot.
Okay, surprise visit. How was practice?
Shitty! You got to get in Flaherty's face.
Okay, some things are house
calls, some things are phone calls.
I called you before I went into
practice. You never called me back.
- No, I texted you.
- Yeah, you say, "Hit me back."
I'm hitting you back in
person. I need some water.
Okay, look, how you doing
today, man? You good?
Look, Flaherty knows that this
is gonna fucking piss me off.
And, you know, he's wanting
me to do something stupid
like skip practice just
so he can fucking fine me.
Okay, dude, come on now.
You dreamed to be a star.
You're the star with all the
shit thereto appertaining.
Focus on that. Don't sweat
Flaherty doing Flaherty shit.
- That's what they do. That's owners.
- Reg! Reg!
- What?
- You know me. He doesn't know me.
He does not know how hard that I work.
Okay, we're on the move again.
And you know what? Now I'm worked up.
Now you're the guy who once
we signed this big contract,
you compared us to survivors of a shipwreck
obligated to help everybody we know
to pay back the universe for
all of our hard-earned blessings.
You remember that? Now I'm trying
to reconcile that guy with this guy.
- That is not this.
- That is this.
And this is that. And you
got to choose your battles.
Only a moron marches into
war over a parking spot.
- Oh, you calling me a moron?
- No,
I'm saying you're making
nothing into something.
Reg, I'm here at this point in my life
because I made nothing into something.
- Oh, Cam, come the fuck on.
- I'm here because I threaded the needle.
I am 6'2", 175 pounds, playing pro ball.
That doesn't happen without hard work
and the force of my will.
I got to work harder than others.
Okay, look, just... just sleep
on it. Let me get into it.
No, man, I don't want
to fucking sleep on it!
I'd rather just sleep.
Get some good night rest
like I've been trying to do
to get up to work out, to work hard,
do shit that motherfuckers
like me don't do.
Fucking yoga and Pilates.
So I can lift weights, watch
film, work on my free throws.
Shit that's gonna make
me better for the season.
Flaherty knows all of that.
Flaherty thinks every hour is his hour.
It's not. I've got to fill
my hours with real work.
Hard work is the only thing that keeping
me from fucking this whole thing up
and going back to being a nobody.
Cam, you make too much money
now to ever be a nobody again.
No, money doesn't make you somebody.
Being somebody makes you somebody.
Set his ass straight.
Okay. That's it?
Great to see you. Safe home.
♪
Players say there's a dead spot right here.
Will you look into that for me, please?
And do something about this.
We're selling basketball,
not Brawny paper towels.
You changed his parking spot?
Oh, I got your cousin's attention.
Couldn't get it the other night.
Couldn't get it yesterday when he
signed this "indentured servant."
Okay, Jimmy, Cam's focus
is winning on the court.
Okay? Taking your team to that next level.
That's his main obligation.
Your cousin has other obligations.
Obligations outlined in
the contract you negotiated.
The truth? They were left a little vague.
He's embarrassing himself.
But worse, he's embarrassing me.
Does he even know what
an indentured servant is?
Oh, he crushed his verbal SAT.
Well, then let's conjure up the spirits
of some indentured servants who
worked for squat for seven to 10 years
to repay the cost of a disease-ridden
transatlantic boat ride.
The Irish brethren of my forebearers.
Oh, you don't want to
compare disease-ridden
transatlantic boat rides with me.
Only seven to 10 before freedom? [Chuckles]
Sounds like your Irish bros got
off better than my African ones.
Mine got... oh, right, zero till lynched.
Not all of them got lynched.
Plenty got shot for no reason.
Diane.
Reggie, this is Diane, my new assistant.
Diane, Reggie's cousin
is the indentured servant
who parked his Aston Martin
in your handicapped spot.
- I apologize for my cousin.
- Common occurrence.
Diane, get on Amazon Prime
and order me a Ouija board.
Reggie and I are gonna conjure up the
ghosts of some indentured servants.
- Right away.
- Get one of those drones to fly it down here today.
Listen, any conjuring
of ghosts will only serve
to freak me the fuck
out. I don't like ghosts.
Yet your cousin seems
to be impersonating one
every time he's got an
off-court obligation.
I'm now showing you both
a shit ton of respect
because I retain the hope that
all those smiley, happy things
we said to each other when Cam
signed here are still possible.
He brought me his problem.
I'm bringing it to you. Let's fix it.
I'm fixing it by telling you
to get your cousin set straight.
Stop making your problems my problems.
You guys are showing me right now
you're not the kind of
men I thought you were.
I thought you were givers.
Seems to me you're just takers.
You should have called me before
you changed his parking spot.
You shouldn't tell me
how to run my business
when I'm paying Cam a fuck ton.
That's right, I used shit ton and fuck ton
within 30 seconds of each other.
I'm like that. Unpredictable when provoked.
Maybe you should go into law enforcement.
Friday is Nelson Mandela Night.
I expect Cam to be there
representing the team
and paying respects to Nelson Mandela.
I can't make any promises.
Hey, Reggie,
Cam doesn't want to get in
a pissing contest with me.
I'm the most hydrated man you know.
♪
You know, no offense,
but that look like a bag
of Skittles on your head.
Not helping. Dude, come on.
You can't blow off Mandela Night.
I'm not blowing it off.
I'm choosing to honor
Mr. Mandela in a way of my
own at a time of my choosing.
Yeah, it's like when Prince decided
not to sing on "We Are the World."
He's gonna stomp out hunger
in his high-heeled boots,
not pimping next to Bob Seger.
- Bruce Springsteen.
- Same difference, Ma.
Folks, transportation has arrived.
I like having butlers.
I don't. You know, white people steal, too.
Cam, you don't want to get in a
pissing contest with Jimmy Flaherty.
How's he supposed to know how to respect me
if I don't show him how it's done?
You get copies of your
bank statements, right?
It ain't always about the money.
It's always about the money.
No, you got to show people
that you can't be messed with
so that they won't mess with you.
Y'all can go ahead, man. I'm good.
This is a bad idea.
[singing in foreign language]
Missy, looking great.
Yeah, she done went and got all Winnied up.
Pre-murder and fraud charges.
- Looking dapper, Jimmy.
- No, I'm not.
I, like most men, should not
veer off fashion's main boulevard.
But thank you for saying so. Where's Cam?
He stayed home.
Not feeling right.
Sorry to hear that.
Well, thank you all for being here.
I must mingle.
Cheers.
He is pissed. Call Cam.
What, make him happy that Flaherty's mad?
Mm-mm, no. I'm gonna have a drink,
dance with my beautiful wife,
and be glad that the contract
Cam signed is guaranteed.
I got to shit.
Why do you have to announce that?
It's like he wants people to go with him.
- Just go do it, Uncle Julius.
- Just go.
[video game crowd cheering]
GAME ANNOUNCER: And this over
celebration is embarrassing.
Put the ball in the goal
and act like it's...
Sir, a Mr. Flaherty to see you.
Flaherty: I told you, he knows who I am.
Blowing off Mandela Night is dumb.
Mandela preached passive
resistance. I'm following his lead.
Nelson Mandela was unjustly
imprisoned for 27 years.
What point you making?
That you're an ungrateful
prick upset about stupid shit?
My time is stupid shit?
I'm trying to build your
franchise and bring you a title.
[whistle blows]
Here's one of the ways that works.
We make people think that the sport
you're playing is worth them parting
with a portion of their paycheck.
We do it through advertising and promotion
and charitable activities.
But one of the most
effective ways we do that
is we show up, we shake
hands, and we say thank you.
What I care about is the
season. Success on the floor.
Okay, I'm not an indentured servant,
but I'm also not an errand boy
or a mascot in parking lot G.
- I'm a grown-ass man.
- Is that in dispute?
You going bald on a nut sack or something?
At the Bowl-A-Thon you called
me over with two fingers.
You might as well whistled like
I'm a dog. And I'm not having it.
Cam, look at me. I'm wearing a dashiki.
Why? Because it's Nelson Mandela Night.
I look ridiculous. There's a fucking hat
that goes with it, too,
but I left that in the car.
But the Mandela organization
asked me to wear it,
and so here I am wearing it.
Sometimes grown-ass men got to
do things they don't want to do.
You called me over like this.
Where I come from that's how you
get a person to come near you.
You wave them over with the part
of your body made for waving.
You're treating me like a boy.
Are you shitting me?
Where does this idea come from
that one man calling
another man across the room
miniaturizes one of
those people into a boy?
This means I've got some
good shit for you to hear.
This is where the good shit starts.
No, not from where I'm standing.
I wanted to introduce you
to a season ticket holder
who beat cancer by sticking
to your workout regimen
that he read about in "Sports Illustrated."
For fuck's sake. The music was blaring.
Bowling pins are getting
knocked down left and right.
That room was a shit show of
sound with a bunch of drunks.
But there were a lot of people
there I wanted you to meet.
People who can expand your
business off the court.
I know what you aspire to.
I believe in you.
I believe in your talent.
I'm paying you like I do.
But if you're gonna treat me
like I'm just some asshole owner
out to inconvenience you,
I'll find you another team.
You need some more
security at these events.
Those people were all over me.
One night a year, the folks who
buy the tickets that pay your salary
have a right to be all over you.
See, do you see what
you're doing right there?
You're trying to teach me.
You're trying to school me.
Talk to me, not at me.
I'm a grown-ass man.
[sighs]
I will consider your personal time.
But if we're gonna make
this a worthy experience,
titles or not, you got to do two things.
One, drastically limit what annoys you.
And two, stop saying things
like "I'm a grown-ass man."
All it does is tell people you're not.
Tonight the team is honoring a great man
and raising awareness for causes
that help people in Africa.
Apparently there's still
some problems over there.
I would like my star player in attendance.
If you choose to stay home,
so be it.
[choir singing]
♪ We've only just begun ♪
♪ To live ♪
♪ White lace and promises... ♪
Mandela liked the Carpenters?
Hell, everybody like the carpenters.
Who you think built your house?
Kids sound great.
Sorry about the song choice.
The chorus choice.
And the Mandela painting.
I've been trying not to micromanage.
Now you see why I have to.
You can leave any time.
After the chorus.
♪ We've only just... ♪
[sighs]
♪ We've only just begun ♪
♪ Ooh, to live ♪
♪ White lace and promises ♪
♪ A kiss for luck then
we're on our way ♪
- ♪ Before the risin' sun ♪
- _
- ♪ Ooh, we fly ♪
- _
♪ There's so many roads to choose ♪
♪ We'll start out walkin'
and learn to run ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, we've just begun, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, we've just begun, baby ♪
♪ Oh, they said that we ♪
♪ That we'd stay together ♪
♪ We can take this thing all
through kinds of weather ♪
♪ Oh, we gonna make it, baby ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪