Survivor's Remorse (2014–2017): Season 1, Episode 1 - In the Offing - full transcript
A sitcom about a young pro-basketball star and his opportunistic family entourage begins with the player arriving in Atlanta, where he deals with a new city, a new team and the same old relatives who take advantage of him and his generosity.
The price is firm unless, of course,
you make an all-cash offer.
I want it.
Really, you don't have to decide today.
No, we just seen 20 apartments, man. Look!
Will you let her tell you
how much they're asking first?
I can afford it, can I not?
Yes, you can, my cousin. Yes, you can.
The lamp goes in a yard sale pile.
The cheetah goes to "take to Atlanta" pile.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Wait, I'm watching that.
No, no, TV goes last.
I got an important viewing coming up.
The reason why I'm moving
to Atlanta is coming up.
Patience, virtue. And
your current instructions.
Thank you.
- We're moments away...
- Oh, here we go.
That's my boy that's moving me to Atlanta.
Calloway, the Boston
native who entered the pros
as an undrafted free agent, has only earned
the league minimum since
his debut in Memphis.
- That was then. Tell me about now.
- Calloway exploded in Memphis,
landing him a massive new deal in Atlanta.
And he deserves every massive penny.
Pundits believe Calloway makes
Atlanta an instant contender.
That's right. Pundits know their shit.
Ladies and gentlemen, Cam Calloway.
Yes. Yes, thank you.
I just want to thank Mr. and Mrs. Flaherty
for bringing me to Atlanta.
You know, I stand here a lucky guy,
which is unusual for a
man with my background.
Growing up, my family often wondered
how we would eat, where we would sleep.
Dreams were basically don't get shot.
And drug dealing
wasn't a road to ruin,
but a reasonable way out
of this gang-infested place
where no kid should have to come of age.
I wrote that.
- No wonder it sounds written.
- Fuck you.
No, but there's four people
who forced me to believe
that I and they were
worthy of a big-time dream.
Like, a good thing.
Those four people that
believed in me are my family.
So, Ma, I know you watching from home.
I just got one thing to say.
Thank you for not aborting me.
That would have sucked.
Not just for me, for y'all.
I love you, Ma.
Mary Charles, my sister, my idol.
Thank you for mercilessly hacking me
in our every game of one-on-one.
I'm the shooter I am now
because driving on you
paralyzed the young me. Still does.
Uncle Julius.
Thank you for teaching me
the values of uncommon sense.
You know, I'm the one that
stopped that abortion, too,
that your momma was gonna have.
Reggie Vaughn.
My cousin.
Dude, you took that word cousin
and just blew it up
to include all these
other amazing human words
like advocate,
cornerman,
confidant,
loyalist.
Yo, you my best friend, man.
All I got is because of you.
He's gonna blubber like
a little bitch. Watch.
So thank you, Atlanta.
Yo, we here now, baby. We home.
- Well said, Cam.
- Thank you, Mrs. Flaherty.
My plane's waiting to take you to LA.
Try not to cry on it, okay?
Calloway's initiation
to the ranks of the elite
continues with a trip
on Jimmy Flaherty's jet
to Los Angeles for the ESPYs tonight.
Then back to what will be his new home
for some time, Atlanta.
Busy. Fuck off.
Yo, Marcus, it's Dirty.
How about you open the door,
I'll fuck you up and then I'll fuck off?
No, I'm good. Thanks.
- That was supposed to blow the lock off,
- Come here.
but it's a resilient motherfucker.
So open the door.
That gunshot got me concerned.
Yo, if I wanted to shoot you,
I'd go shoot your super, steal his keys.
open your door, then shoot you.
It's too much effort.
Dealer Joe wants us to talk face-to-face.
Just be cool.
All right?
This ain't cool!
We literally just talked about...
Look, you owe us 2,000 American dollars.
Find them, steal them,
or borrow them from somebody not named Joe.
Do one of the three
quick, or you're gonna be
making it up to us in ways you don't wanna.
Of course, I'll feel like leaning in
and saying something all
boss like, "Understand?"
But I know you do.
So I won't.
Hey, Ma, just checking in to
see how the packing is going.
Got my ESPY.
Land in Atlanta around 4:00.
Can't wait to have you with me.
Did you just call your mother?
Uh, yeah.
She's having her first yard sale.
Does the way I fuck remind you of your mom?
Because that would really bum me out.
No. No, no, no.
You're doing fine.
So, you're a multimillionaire
and your mom still has yard sales?
She never had a yard till this year.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Ah. Hey, baby.
Hurry back home. I am not
made for cleaning pools
and I may not be made for
life in Atlanta at all.
You got the palace of your dreams.
My dreams never involved Atlanta.
A city our ancestors came to
in chains and lived like mules.
And plus, it's hot as shit, Reggie.
I can't wait to get
home and go down on you.
I'll still be in Atlanta.
How can I get you to love Atlanta?
Burn it down like Sherman did.
Wait, what did Richard Sherman do now?
General William Tecumseh Sherman.
Civil War general. One of the good guys.
Oh, the Civil War. Baby,
look, I've moved on.
You should have made Cam
sign in New York or LA.
Somewhere the Underground
Railroad actually went to
instead of away from.
- I love you.
- Get home.
Hello, everybody. My
name is Cassie Calloway.
I know y'all remember me from this hood.
Hey. Hey, how you doing?
My son Cam Calloway
would like for me to give
you these things on the truck.
I was gonna have a yard
sale, but you know what?
It's better to give than receive, right?
All right. So I want
y'all to enjoy this stuff.
- Help me down here. Thank you.
- Watch your step.
We ain't gonna be but 15 minutes, okay?
Hey, y'all got anything good?
Ghetto "Storage Wars" ain't my thing, mijo.
You need to watch what you calling ghetto.
And who you calling mijo? I
ain't no little boy, homie.
Got a mini trampoline for you.
Say thank you, mija.
What is going on?
Jesus, you try to do something
nice. It's ridiculous.
Forget y'all!
Hey, did you wire that money to Aunt Mim?
She needs another surgery.
She needs to quit relying on lap
bands and buy some mouth bands.
Hey, I decided, man.
I'm going Ashton Martin.
I will look so good driving this
when you're playing road games.
Especially when I throw
them new rims on it.
Oh, no. You're Cam Calloway.
You don't need to prove how rich you are
by making expensive
shit seem more expensive.
Look, you don't put
aftermarket stones in a Rolex
and you don't rim up an Aston.
Rims are not a part of the plan.
I'm amending the plan to
include rims for my Ashton.
It's Aston. It's not "Ashton."
Why you got to be like that?
This is my job, all right? This is my role.
You don't like me in
this role, I got a wife.
A wife that's ready to start a family.
And right now, I could
actually be on my wife,
but instead, I'm on a private jet with you.
And do you know what?
Because we followed the plan.
Why do I got to hide from wanting
an Aston since I was a kid?
Motherfucker, you didn't even
know what a Big Wheel was.
Rims are like Big Wheels.
They're toys for children, not men.
What is the point of
forgetting all that you wanted
when you first wanted it now
that you can finally afford it?
We're just recalibrating.
We're not forgetting, okay?
We're progressing. We're evolving.
We're still gonna save money, man.
The investments, the stuff, man.
You set up this whole plan.
At least you said you set up the plan.
I just trusted you set this shit up.
Gargle my ball bag, asshole.
Wow, yeah, very evolving.
Get your rims. And get your
big iced-out Jesus piece.
- Johnny Dang is waiting.
- You know, I will.
- Spend your money, Hammer.
- Hey, I'm on it.
- You ain't got to tell me.
- Do it, boy. I'm gonna be on my wife.
- You go ahead and be on your wife.
- Absolutely.
When "30 For 30" calls, I will
gladly grant them an interview.
Get the fuck off my plane, then.
It's not your fucking plane.
It's Jimmy Flaherty's plane.
Yo! Yo! Shut the fuck up!
Calm down!
You ain't the Fresh Prince
and you ain't Carlton.
Yes, he is.
Snacks?
Oh, I didn't know Jimmy Flaherty
liked Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
Well, actually, he doesn't,
but he knows that you do.
Oh, okay. This ain't no $15
bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos?
- No, sir.
- These are free?
Yes, sir. These are
courtesy of Mr. Flaherty.
I don't want my nephew to get billed
for no rip-off price later.
- Not at all, sir.
- Okay, well...
two of 'em.
Can I get you anything?
How about a peek at your panties?
We'll be landing shortly.
Look, don't be trolling up here.
She works for Jimmy Flaherty.
We got an appearance to keep up.
Why don't you do your thing
and let me do my thing?
Yeah, doing my thing is flying private now.
Don't mess that up.
This is Reggie.
This is Marcus Pierce
from the neighborhood.
- Long time.
- Not that long, fucky.
How can I help you, fucky?
Hey, smug fucky, don't get abrupt.
Remember where you came from.
Don't tell me what to forget or remember.
Look, I got no access to Celtics tickets.
I don't want Celtics
tickets. They unwatchable.
I got some shit that
your cousin might like.
His old days stuff. Souvenirs.
Cool. I'll text you an address.
It'll be about 3K to ship.
How about I ship you my
foot to put up your ass?
It's personal stuff. I
got jerseys, memorabilia.
Cam's mom gave away a bunch of
stuff that she shouldn't have.
Now it's mine. And for
3K it could be yours.
Believe me, Cam wants what I got.
HPV? No, thanks. If
you're gonna shake me down,
you got to shake a little
harder than that, fucky.
And a truck will be delivered tomorrow.
Yes. Well, you did right by me.
All right, Coach.
Yeah, text me a photo.
Okay. All love to Mrs. Healey.
All right. Peace.
I just bought Coach Healey a truck.
You get a good price?
I don't care. Look, I called the dealer.
I said give me the best truck
y'all got for a 50-year-old man
and I put it on my credit card.
Mmm. That's top-notch negotiating, Cousin.
No more dad talk. No more dad talk.
Hey, I'm being a friend. I'm
being a cousin. A manager.
Look, you got big new money now, Cam.
It's smart, it's fair
to lock down new rules
so the money lasts, man.
You know, make a budget.
Monitor what we give
away and what we invest.
- I want to spend some.
- You're spending plenty.
You got apartments. You got Astons.
You got new trucks for high school coaches.
You got fat fuck surgeries
for a fat fuck aunt.
She's fat. Maybe she
is just meant to be fat.
Don't judge, just accept.
I'm rimming up the Aston.
- I know you are.
- All right.
But I'm telling you,
there are so many people
ready to suckle at your teat.
So many fuckies just
crawling out from everywhere.
People you know, people
you forgot you knew,
all ready to spend your money.
And we got to be careful.
We got to be smart.
We help until we can't.
We're lucky.
No, we made our own luck.
Not always. It's like
we fell from the Titanic
and landed in a lifeboat and survived.
And yet, I mean, I feel...
shit, what's the word?
- Happy?
- Hell, no. The opposite.
Man, I feel guilty that I'm surviving
and there's people that I can still help
that are back home drowning.
It is not your fault that
the world is the way it is
or that where we left ain't paradise.
Schindler had his list, man.
It was people he knew. It
was people he didn't know.
"Schindler's List"? "Schindler's"...
what, did you spend the day
watching a bunch of depressing movies?
Shit, let's watch "Amistad" next.
"Sounder." "Roots."
We can watch the whole box collection, man.
Let's multiply the laughs.
I identify with Schindler, all right?
- Helping people.
- Fuck "Schindler's List."
Fuck "Schindler's List"?
Fuck your version of "Schindler's List"
because it does not apply.
Schindler was trying to
save people from Hitler.
Some tweak in Dorchester does
not deserve a spot on your generosity list
just because he grew up two doors down.
I'm not so sure about that, Reg.
And the Titanic? Really?
The Titanic was a boat for
rich white people. Fuck 'em.
Fuck 'em. They could all freeze
the fuck to death and
drown. I could give a shit.
Now, if they had any good
sense to invite a black man
down to those docks in England,
that black man would have told them
what getting on a boat to America means.
Nothing good.
Giving a shit makes us unique.
But you give too much.
And then you just become a cautionary tale.
One that will not be told about you
as long as I'm in your life.
We will not be the same sad story, dude.
You're the Titanic, baby.
Yes, you are the Titanic.
A massive talent
with a bunch of self-serving
icebergs just lying in wait,
ready to crash into you and sink you.
Man, fuck. We talking about the
Titanic and "Schindler's List"?
We need some more comedies.
I don't know, fucking "SpongeBob."
Fucking "Martin" reruns. Just...
Yo, we good, man?
- Huh?
- Yeah.
Little man. Look.
Posted Cam's stuff up online.
We gonna sell it, pay our debts.
Got a lot of cool movies in here.
Calloway's bootleg everything.
Got "Lion King," "Home
Alone," "Pulp Fiction."
All right, let's do a "Lion King," okay?
All right, we gonna watch "Lion King."
Watch the movie with Daddy?
We gonna get expelled
for taking this camera.
This thing is ancient, bro.
Yo, I don't give a fuck.
I am Cam Calloway. I'm
gonna take over the world.
And the first thing I'm gonna do
is teach these motherfucking Chinese
how to cook Chinese food.
This stuff is shat.
I mean, shit. Fuck them Chinks.
Yo, that sounds like a rap.
Give me a beat. Give me a beat. I got this.
Reggie's been all over me,
but I still think I should
set up a charitable foundation.
Chuck, you could run that for me.
- Sure, I'll run that shit.
- In the ground.
Probably.
Bottom line, got to give back.
Fuck this give-back shit.
You want to give, then give. That's fine.
But what you got you earned.
You ain't got to give that back.
Uncle J is feeling that weed.
This is common sense buried deep.
Yeah, the weed just dug it up.
"Cam Calloway's treasure trove"?
Best Vegas buffet, Treasure Island.
Best Vegas pussy, Circus Circus.
Yeah, another piece of
information I cannot use.
This is somebody claiming
to have some of your
old jerseys and trophies.
- He's selling them online.
- What?
This is my shit. Yo, how'd he get my shit?
Uncle Julius, you selling my shit?
No.
I'm on it.
So let this be a lesson to everyone.
Everything you say, everything you write,
everything is in play
when you become famous.
Atlanta owner Jimmy
Flaherty, he can't be happy.
Yeah, this is earth-shattering
that a 14-year-old
has an active imagination?
Tell it to little Kiomi Holloran
about what he wanted to
do down at the Hatch Shell.
So everything you did at 14 was saintly?
I was a good Catholic boy.
Be nice.
Yo, call Ma. She thinks you're mad.
I am mad. I want my shit back.
You are the one who
told her to give it away
instead of having a yard sale.
Her being in that neighborhood
is your fault, you know.
Hey, real quick. I wondered
if I could get some cash
to take Flaherty's flight
attendant out to dinner.
I thought she was straight.
No girl sends you that many smiley faces
unless she wants you sitting on hers.
Reggie thinks we need a budget.
Like to monitor the in and out, you know?
Reg should monitor his own business.
His business is protecting
and transitioning us
towards new ground rules of accountability.
Shut up and give me some money.
We just want to make sure you
and Uncle Julius and
Mom are on a set salary.
Like, I want to be a brother
to you, not an enabler.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I know there are sounds
coming out of your mouth
and I know the look on your
face when you're saying it,
but I don't know when you
decided I was being enabled.
No, I'm just saying, like,
we need to actually find a specific job.
I thought I was gonna be in charge
of your bullshit made-up charity.
You asked me to move here
after you asked me to move to Memphis.
And now that I've moved
to Shitlanta for you,
you want to keep a tally
of what the fuck I'm doing?
No, it's not a problem. I get it.
But from now on, I'm gonna
bill you for prior services.
Like what?
Like teaching you how to walk.
How to talk. Eat. Shit
somewhere other than your pants.
Teaching you how to read and tell time.
- You know, like a good sister does.
- Calm down.
No, I'm gonna back-bill
you for every ass I kicked
defending your little pussy ass
every day you went to school.
You don't even hear what I'm saying.
You are not remembering
all there is to remember.
Like that night I saved
you from Mr. Chambers
going all Sandusky on you.
I'm talking about a budget.
I walked in in the nick of time
and I tackled that fuck good.
Then a cop gave us a coupon
to go to Baskin-Robbins
and you ordered... you ordered Berry Blast.
And I got vanilla with sprinkles.
You know what?
Cut a check. We'll be square.
Fuck.
Staying trim.
I quit eating cereal.
How much is this gonna take?
What do you think? Getting
a lot of bids online.
I was talking to Joe.
Yeah, I can still hear you over here.
I can't talk right now, Missy.
Three club chairs arrived. Why?
It's for my man cave.
Caves are where bears sleep,
bats shit, and men rape women.
Not if they got nice club chairs.
I'm returning the chairs. Enjoy Boston.
Missy. Missy.
Yo, man cave, off the phone, man.
Where's the box of Cam's
shit? I want it all.
Five grand, that's my final offer.
- You don't start with final offer.
- I just did.
Yo, you ain't getting
that tape for less than 50.
What tape?
Fucky don't know about the tape?
I wanted to see his reaction up close.
Think he the shit 'cause his
cousin Cam is a baller now.
Think he the baller. Think he king rat.
Play the shit.
Yo.
So you remember the
video camera that we stole
when we were in junior high school?
* Fuck them Chinks, fuck them Chinks *
* Fuck them Chinks, yeah,
their fucking food stinks *
* Fuck them Chinks, fuck them Chinks *
* Yo, I'm gonna say it again,
their fucking food stinks. *
That song was your idea.
Hey, I was high. And it don't matter.
Hoop stars can't call people Chinks.
- It's racist.
- We were kids.
Kids ain't allowed to be
racist anymore either, Cam.
World's fucked, but that's the way it is.
Dude, my owner's wife is a Chink.
No, she's not. She's Chinese, okay?
Look, there's no more Chinks.
There's no more saying the word Chinks.
No more saying the word Chinks.
It's just you getting on a
plane with a bag of fucking cash
from the safe to pay these fuckies off.
Hey, man, let's just let the tape out.
We'll tell people we was just playing.
A billion Chinese won't
see it that way, Cam.
This tape gets out, you
know what you're gonna
be to a billion Chinese?
A young black Donald Sterling.
Fuck!
If you don't want to be
known as a young black
Chinese-hating Donald Sterling,
get your ass to Boston.
I got a car picking you up, okay?
Flaherty is letting us use his jet.
I lied. I told him Aunt Mim was sick.
- Aunt Mim is sick?
- No. I mean, yes.
She's 400 pounds. She's in
a constant state of sickness.
Get to the airport.
* Cool just like I run this city *
* This all fried chicken
is so damn shitty. *
Still going by Dealer Joe,
huh? It's not very low profile.
I don't like the way you
called this place gang-infested.
I come here out of respect.
No, you here 'cause you're scared
we're gonna show the world the real you.
Not the fake you. Not the TV you.
No, I'm here because my
mom has a generous side,
so fuck you for taking advantage.
Who took advantage of who?
Oh, here we go.
Yeah, here we go down memory lane.
Y'all brought me to that
card game and I trusted you.
But I was there as the
mark, not the friend.
I put up the cash that
I was saving for years
for Robert Parish's basketball camp
and y'all rolled me good.
Gambling is gambling.
And friends ain't friends.
Not when your friend pulled a
ton of cash out of his pocket
and he ain't never heard of a stacked deck.
Marcus, if it makes you feel any better,
we were rolling you because Tammy Laplante
said she would strip for us
if we paid her. We paid her.
And then her brother
beat the shit out of us.
Yo, before she even got her shirt off.
He rolled us for what
we was rolling you for.
Yeah? I feel so much better now.
Yo, Tammy Laplante was fine.
Still fine. And all classy now.
You know she work at T.J.
Maxx up in Quincy, right?
Yo, they got some good shit over there.
Marcus, I was an idiot much of my life.
I mean, you got evidence of that and more.
I'm sorry. You deserved better.
Hey, man, fuck Robert Parish.
He should have let all of
us go to his camp for free.
I mean, I could shoot
threes like Ray Allen.
- I could have went to Gonzaga.
- Fuck Gonzaga.
- I need my money.
- All right.
That's the 2K Marcus owes you plus 10.
That's five for you, Dirty.
Marcus... whoa, hey, hey.
I put your shit on the Internet
'cause I had a debt.
That debt paid. I don't
need no more money from you.
- Dirty, you give him a gun?
- No.
I didn't make a copy
of your stupid-ass video
'cause that ain't me.
I ain't trying to ruin a man.
Look, man, just take the money, fool.
You call me fool again
and I'm gonna shoot you.
I'm not gonna kill you,
but I'm gonna maim you.
I'm gonna shoot you somewhere
you gonna remember me.
Marcus, we do remember you.
Man, we messed up back then.
Shit, man, we're sorry.
Truly.
If I send y'all some tickets,
would you come down to Atlanta?
Floor seats?
Now would be a good time for y'all to go.
I'll text you some dates that work.
It wasn't cool what we did to Marcus.
We just made up for it.
This place didn't teach us
a lot of good things very well, did it?
It taught us to stand
still when a gun gets drawn.
Wish it would have taught
us to put some diapers on
when it looked like a
gun was gonna get drawn.
I almost fucking shit all over myself.
I would have shit myself, too,
but the shit was too scared to come out.
Thanks for inviting all
those fools to Atlanta.
They're staying at your place. I'm serious.
I need a drink.
It's 2:00 A.M. Missed last call.
You'd think a city as
constantly drunk as Boston
would serve drinks after 2:00.
Oh, shit, you know where they serve
after-hours alcohol in Boston?
- Nowhere.
- Not true.
They pour beer after
hours in one part of town.
You just got to order tea.
You got to ask for it cold.
Cold tea, I forgot about that.
Cold tea equals cold beer in Chinatown.
- Let's go to Chinatown, cousin.
- I love them Chinks.
No! No more Chinks.
- I'm just playing.
- No more playing.
No more joking about any ethnic group.
Okay.
you make an all-cash offer.
I want it.
Really, you don't have to decide today.
No, we just seen 20 apartments, man. Look!
Will you let her tell you
how much they're asking first?
I can afford it, can I not?
Yes, you can, my cousin. Yes, you can.
The lamp goes in a yard sale pile.
The cheetah goes to "take to Atlanta" pile.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Wait, I'm watching that.
No, no, TV goes last.
I got an important viewing coming up.
The reason why I'm moving
to Atlanta is coming up.
Patience, virtue. And
your current instructions.
Thank you.
- We're moments away...
- Oh, here we go.
That's my boy that's moving me to Atlanta.
Calloway, the Boston
native who entered the pros
as an undrafted free agent, has only earned
the league minimum since
his debut in Memphis.
- That was then. Tell me about now.
- Calloway exploded in Memphis,
landing him a massive new deal in Atlanta.
And he deserves every massive penny.
Pundits believe Calloway makes
Atlanta an instant contender.
That's right. Pundits know their shit.
Ladies and gentlemen, Cam Calloway.
Yes. Yes, thank you.
I just want to thank Mr. and Mrs. Flaherty
for bringing me to Atlanta.
You know, I stand here a lucky guy,
which is unusual for a
man with my background.
Growing up, my family often wondered
how we would eat, where we would sleep.
Dreams were basically don't get shot.
And drug dealing
wasn't a road to ruin,
but a reasonable way out
of this gang-infested place
where no kid should have to come of age.
I wrote that.
- No wonder it sounds written.
- Fuck you.
No, but there's four people
who forced me to believe
that I and they were
worthy of a big-time dream.
Like, a good thing.
Those four people that
believed in me are my family.
So, Ma, I know you watching from home.
I just got one thing to say.
Thank you for not aborting me.
That would have sucked.
Not just for me, for y'all.
I love you, Ma.
Mary Charles, my sister, my idol.
Thank you for mercilessly hacking me
in our every game of one-on-one.
I'm the shooter I am now
because driving on you
paralyzed the young me. Still does.
Uncle Julius.
Thank you for teaching me
the values of uncommon sense.
You know, I'm the one that
stopped that abortion, too,
that your momma was gonna have.
Reggie Vaughn.
My cousin.
Dude, you took that word cousin
and just blew it up
to include all these
other amazing human words
like advocate,
cornerman,
confidant,
loyalist.
Yo, you my best friend, man.
All I got is because of you.
He's gonna blubber like
a little bitch. Watch.
So thank you, Atlanta.
Yo, we here now, baby. We home.
- Well said, Cam.
- Thank you, Mrs. Flaherty.
My plane's waiting to take you to LA.
Try not to cry on it, okay?
Calloway's initiation
to the ranks of the elite
continues with a trip
on Jimmy Flaherty's jet
to Los Angeles for the ESPYs tonight.
Then back to what will be his new home
for some time, Atlanta.
Busy. Fuck off.
Yo, Marcus, it's Dirty.
How about you open the door,
I'll fuck you up and then I'll fuck off?
No, I'm good. Thanks.
- That was supposed to blow the lock off,
- Come here.
but it's a resilient motherfucker.
So open the door.
That gunshot got me concerned.
Yo, if I wanted to shoot you,
I'd go shoot your super, steal his keys.
open your door, then shoot you.
It's too much effort.
Dealer Joe wants us to talk face-to-face.
Just be cool.
All right?
This ain't cool!
We literally just talked about...
Look, you owe us 2,000 American dollars.
Find them, steal them,
or borrow them from somebody not named Joe.
Do one of the three
quick, or you're gonna be
making it up to us in ways you don't wanna.
Of course, I'll feel like leaning in
and saying something all
boss like, "Understand?"
But I know you do.
So I won't.
Hey, Ma, just checking in to
see how the packing is going.
Got my ESPY.
Land in Atlanta around 4:00.
Can't wait to have you with me.
Did you just call your mother?
Uh, yeah.
She's having her first yard sale.
Does the way I fuck remind you of your mom?
Because that would really bum me out.
No. No, no, no.
You're doing fine.
So, you're a multimillionaire
and your mom still has yard sales?
She never had a yard till this year.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Ah. Hey, baby.
Hurry back home. I am not
made for cleaning pools
and I may not be made for
life in Atlanta at all.
You got the palace of your dreams.
My dreams never involved Atlanta.
A city our ancestors came to
in chains and lived like mules.
And plus, it's hot as shit, Reggie.
I can't wait to get
home and go down on you.
I'll still be in Atlanta.
How can I get you to love Atlanta?
Burn it down like Sherman did.
Wait, what did Richard Sherman do now?
General William Tecumseh Sherman.
Civil War general. One of the good guys.
Oh, the Civil War. Baby,
look, I've moved on.
You should have made Cam
sign in New York or LA.
Somewhere the Underground
Railroad actually went to
instead of away from.
- I love you.
- Get home.
Hello, everybody. My
name is Cassie Calloway.
I know y'all remember me from this hood.
Hey. Hey, how you doing?
My son Cam Calloway
would like for me to give
you these things on the truck.
I was gonna have a yard
sale, but you know what?
It's better to give than receive, right?
All right. So I want
y'all to enjoy this stuff.
- Help me down here. Thank you.
- Watch your step.
We ain't gonna be but 15 minutes, okay?
Hey, y'all got anything good?
Ghetto "Storage Wars" ain't my thing, mijo.
You need to watch what you calling ghetto.
And who you calling mijo? I
ain't no little boy, homie.
Got a mini trampoline for you.
Say thank you, mija.
What is going on?
Jesus, you try to do something
nice. It's ridiculous.
Forget y'all!
Hey, did you wire that money to Aunt Mim?
She needs another surgery.
She needs to quit relying on lap
bands and buy some mouth bands.
Hey, I decided, man.
I'm going Ashton Martin.
I will look so good driving this
when you're playing road games.
Especially when I throw
them new rims on it.
Oh, no. You're Cam Calloway.
You don't need to prove how rich you are
by making expensive
shit seem more expensive.
Look, you don't put
aftermarket stones in a Rolex
and you don't rim up an Aston.
Rims are not a part of the plan.
I'm amending the plan to
include rims for my Ashton.
It's Aston. It's not "Ashton."
Why you got to be like that?
This is my job, all right? This is my role.
You don't like me in
this role, I got a wife.
A wife that's ready to start a family.
And right now, I could
actually be on my wife,
but instead, I'm on a private jet with you.
And do you know what?
Because we followed the plan.
Why do I got to hide from wanting
an Aston since I was a kid?
Motherfucker, you didn't even
know what a Big Wheel was.
Rims are like Big Wheels.
They're toys for children, not men.
What is the point of
forgetting all that you wanted
when you first wanted it now
that you can finally afford it?
We're just recalibrating.
We're not forgetting, okay?
We're progressing. We're evolving.
We're still gonna save money, man.
The investments, the stuff, man.
You set up this whole plan.
At least you said you set up the plan.
I just trusted you set this shit up.
Gargle my ball bag, asshole.
Wow, yeah, very evolving.
Get your rims. And get your
big iced-out Jesus piece.
- Johnny Dang is waiting.
- You know, I will.
- Spend your money, Hammer.
- Hey, I'm on it.
- You ain't got to tell me.
- Do it, boy. I'm gonna be on my wife.
- You go ahead and be on your wife.
- Absolutely.
When "30 For 30" calls, I will
gladly grant them an interview.
Get the fuck off my plane, then.
It's not your fucking plane.
It's Jimmy Flaherty's plane.
Yo! Yo! Shut the fuck up!
Calm down!
You ain't the Fresh Prince
and you ain't Carlton.
Yes, he is.
Snacks?
Oh, I didn't know Jimmy Flaherty
liked Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
Well, actually, he doesn't,
but he knows that you do.
Oh, okay. This ain't no $15
bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos?
- No, sir.
- These are free?
Yes, sir. These are
courtesy of Mr. Flaherty.
I don't want my nephew to get billed
for no rip-off price later.
- Not at all, sir.
- Okay, well...
two of 'em.
Can I get you anything?
How about a peek at your panties?
We'll be landing shortly.
Look, don't be trolling up here.
She works for Jimmy Flaherty.
We got an appearance to keep up.
Why don't you do your thing
and let me do my thing?
Yeah, doing my thing is flying private now.
Don't mess that up.
This is Reggie.
This is Marcus Pierce
from the neighborhood.
- Long time.
- Not that long, fucky.
How can I help you, fucky?
Hey, smug fucky, don't get abrupt.
Remember where you came from.
Don't tell me what to forget or remember.
Look, I got no access to Celtics tickets.
I don't want Celtics
tickets. They unwatchable.
I got some shit that
your cousin might like.
His old days stuff. Souvenirs.
Cool. I'll text you an address.
It'll be about 3K to ship.
How about I ship you my
foot to put up your ass?
It's personal stuff. I
got jerseys, memorabilia.
Cam's mom gave away a bunch of
stuff that she shouldn't have.
Now it's mine. And for
3K it could be yours.
Believe me, Cam wants what I got.
HPV? No, thanks. If
you're gonna shake me down,
you got to shake a little
harder than that, fucky.
And a truck will be delivered tomorrow.
Yes. Well, you did right by me.
All right, Coach.
Yeah, text me a photo.
Okay. All love to Mrs. Healey.
All right. Peace.
I just bought Coach Healey a truck.
You get a good price?
I don't care. Look, I called the dealer.
I said give me the best truck
y'all got for a 50-year-old man
and I put it on my credit card.
Mmm. That's top-notch negotiating, Cousin.
No more dad talk. No more dad talk.
Hey, I'm being a friend. I'm
being a cousin. A manager.
Look, you got big new money now, Cam.
It's smart, it's fair
to lock down new rules
so the money lasts, man.
You know, make a budget.
Monitor what we give
away and what we invest.
- I want to spend some.
- You're spending plenty.
You got apartments. You got Astons.
You got new trucks for high school coaches.
You got fat fuck surgeries
for a fat fuck aunt.
She's fat. Maybe she
is just meant to be fat.
Don't judge, just accept.
I'm rimming up the Aston.
- I know you are.
- All right.
But I'm telling you,
there are so many people
ready to suckle at your teat.
So many fuckies just
crawling out from everywhere.
People you know, people
you forgot you knew,
all ready to spend your money.
And we got to be careful.
We got to be smart.
We help until we can't.
We're lucky.
No, we made our own luck.
Not always. It's like
we fell from the Titanic
and landed in a lifeboat and survived.
And yet, I mean, I feel...
shit, what's the word?
- Happy?
- Hell, no. The opposite.
Man, I feel guilty that I'm surviving
and there's people that I can still help
that are back home drowning.
It is not your fault that
the world is the way it is
or that where we left ain't paradise.
Schindler had his list, man.
It was people he knew. It
was people he didn't know.
"Schindler's List"? "Schindler's"...
what, did you spend the day
watching a bunch of depressing movies?
Shit, let's watch "Amistad" next.
"Sounder." "Roots."
We can watch the whole box collection, man.
Let's multiply the laughs.
I identify with Schindler, all right?
- Helping people.
- Fuck "Schindler's List."
Fuck "Schindler's List"?
Fuck your version of "Schindler's List"
because it does not apply.
Schindler was trying to
save people from Hitler.
Some tweak in Dorchester does
not deserve a spot on your generosity list
just because he grew up two doors down.
I'm not so sure about that, Reg.
And the Titanic? Really?
The Titanic was a boat for
rich white people. Fuck 'em.
Fuck 'em. They could all freeze
the fuck to death and
drown. I could give a shit.
Now, if they had any good
sense to invite a black man
down to those docks in England,
that black man would have told them
what getting on a boat to America means.
Nothing good.
Giving a shit makes us unique.
But you give too much.
And then you just become a cautionary tale.
One that will not be told about you
as long as I'm in your life.
We will not be the same sad story, dude.
You're the Titanic, baby.
Yes, you are the Titanic.
A massive talent
with a bunch of self-serving
icebergs just lying in wait,
ready to crash into you and sink you.
Man, fuck. We talking about the
Titanic and "Schindler's List"?
We need some more comedies.
I don't know, fucking "SpongeBob."
Fucking "Martin" reruns. Just...
Yo, we good, man?
- Huh?
- Yeah.
Little man. Look.
Posted Cam's stuff up online.
We gonna sell it, pay our debts.
Got a lot of cool movies in here.
Calloway's bootleg everything.
Got "Lion King," "Home
Alone," "Pulp Fiction."
All right, let's do a "Lion King," okay?
All right, we gonna watch "Lion King."
Watch the movie with Daddy?
We gonna get expelled
for taking this camera.
This thing is ancient, bro.
Yo, I don't give a fuck.
I am Cam Calloway. I'm
gonna take over the world.
And the first thing I'm gonna do
is teach these motherfucking Chinese
how to cook Chinese food.
This stuff is shat.
I mean, shit. Fuck them Chinks.
Yo, that sounds like a rap.
Give me a beat. Give me a beat. I got this.
Reggie's been all over me,
but I still think I should
set up a charitable foundation.
Chuck, you could run that for me.
- Sure, I'll run that shit.
- In the ground.
Probably.
Bottom line, got to give back.
Fuck this give-back shit.
You want to give, then give. That's fine.
But what you got you earned.
You ain't got to give that back.
Uncle J is feeling that weed.
This is common sense buried deep.
Yeah, the weed just dug it up.
"Cam Calloway's treasure trove"?
Best Vegas buffet, Treasure Island.
Best Vegas pussy, Circus Circus.
Yeah, another piece of
information I cannot use.
This is somebody claiming
to have some of your
old jerseys and trophies.
- He's selling them online.
- What?
This is my shit. Yo, how'd he get my shit?
Uncle Julius, you selling my shit?
No.
I'm on it.
So let this be a lesson to everyone.
Everything you say, everything you write,
everything is in play
when you become famous.
Atlanta owner Jimmy
Flaherty, he can't be happy.
Yeah, this is earth-shattering
that a 14-year-old
has an active imagination?
Tell it to little Kiomi Holloran
about what he wanted to
do down at the Hatch Shell.
So everything you did at 14 was saintly?
I was a good Catholic boy.
Be nice.
Yo, call Ma. She thinks you're mad.
I am mad. I want my shit back.
You are the one who
told her to give it away
instead of having a yard sale.
Her being in that neighborhood
is your fault, you know.
Hey, real quick. I wondered
if I could get some cash
to take Flaherty's flight
attendant out to dinner.
I thought she was straight.
No girl sends you that many smiley faces
unless she wants you sitting on hers.
Reggie thinks we need a budget.
Like to monitor the in and out, you know?
Reg should monitor his own business.
His business is protecting
and transitioning us
towards new ground rules of accountability.
Shut up and give me some money.
We just want to make sure you
and Uncle Julius and
Mom are on a set salary.
Like, I want to be a brother
to you, not an enabler.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I know there are sounds
coming out of your mouth
and I know the look on your
face when you're saying it,
but I don't know when you
decided I was being enabled.
No, I'm just saying, like,
we need to actually find a specific job.
I thought I was gonna be in charge
of your bullshit made-up charity.
You asked me to move here
after you asked me to move to Memphis.
And now that I've moved
to Shitlanta for you,
you want to keep a tally
of what the fuck I'm doing?
No, it's not a problem. I get it.
But from now on, I'm gonna
bill you for prior services.
Like what?
Like teaching you how to walk.
How to talk. Eat. Shit
somewhere other than your pants.
Teaching you how to read and tell time.
- You know, like a good sister does.
- Calm down.
No, I'm gonna back-bill
you for every ass I kicked
defending your little pussy ass
every day you went to school.
You don't even hear what I'm saying.
You are not remembering
all there is to remember.
Like that night I saved
you from Mr. Chambers
going all Sandusky on you.
I'm talking about a budget.
I walked in in the nick of time
and I tackled that fuck good.
Then a cop gave us a coupon
to go to Baskin-Robbins
and you ordered... you ordered Berry Blast.
And I got vanilla with sprinkles.
You know what?
Cut a check. We'll be square.
Fuck.
Staying trim.
I quit eating cereal.
How much is this gonna take?
What do you think? Getting
a lot of bids online.
I was talking to Joe.
Yeah, I can still hear you over here.
I can't talk right now, Missy.
Three club chairs arrived. Why?
It's for my man cave.
Caves are where bears sleep,
bats shit, and men rape women.
Not if they got nice club chairs.
I'm returning the chairs. Enjoy Boston.
Missy. Missy.
Yo, man cave, off the phone, man.
Where's the box of Cam's
shit? I want it all.
Five grand, that's my final offer.
- You don't start with final offer.
- I just did.
Yo, you ain't getting
that tape for less than 50.
What tape?
Fucky don't know about the tape?
I wanted to see his reaction up close.
Think he the shit 'cause his
cousin Cam is a baller now.
Think he the baller. Think he king rat.
Play the shit.
Yo.
So you remember the
video camera that we stole
when we were in junior high school?
* Fuck them Chinks, fuck them Chinks *
* Fuck them Chinks, yeah,
their fucking food stinks *
* Fuck them Chinks, fuck them Chinks *
* Yo, I'm gonna say it again,
their fucking food stinks. *
That song was your idea.
Hey, I was high. And it don't matter.
Hoop stars can't call people Chinks.
- It's racist.
- We were kids.
Kids ain't allowed to be
racist anymore either, Cam.
World's fucked, but that's the way it is.
Dude, my owner's wife is a Chink.
No, she's not. She's Chinese, okay?
Look, there's no more Chinks.
There's no more saying the word Chinks.
No more saying the word Chinks.
It's just you getting on a
plane with a bag of fucking cash
from the safe to pay these fuckies off.
Hey, man, let's just let the tape out.
We'll tell people we was just playing.
A billion Chinese won't
see it that way, Cam.
This tape gets out, you
know what you're gonna
be to a billion Chinese?
A young black Donald Sterling.
Fuck!
If you don't want to be
known as a young black
Chinese-hating Donald Sterling,
get your ass to Boston.
I got a car picking you up, okay?
Flaherty is letting us use his jet.
I lied. I told him Aunt Mim was sick.
- Aunt Mim is sick?
- No. I mean, yes.
She's 400 pounds. She's in
a constant state of sickness.
Get to the airport.
* Cool just like I run this city *
* This all fried chicken
is so damn shitty. *
Still going by Dealer Joe,
huh? It's not very low profile.
I don't like the way you
called this place gang-infested.
I come here out of respect.
No, you here 'cause you're scared
we're gonna show the world the real you.
Not the fake you. Not the TV you.
No, I'm here because my
mom has a generous side,
so fuck you for taking advantage.
Who took advantage of who?
Oh, here we go.
Yeah, here we go down memory lane.
Y'all brought me to that
card game and I trusted you.
But I was there as the
mark, not the friend.
I put up the cash that
I was saving for years
for Robert Parish's basketball camp
and y'all rolled me good.
Gambling is gambling.
And friends ain't friends.
Not when your friend pulled a
ton of cash out of his pocket
and he ain't never heard of a stacked deck.
Marcus, if it makes you feel any better,
we were rolling you because Tammy Laplante
said she would strip for us
if we paid her. We paid her.
And then her brother
beat the shit out of us.
Yo, before she even got her shirt off.
He rolled us for what
we was rolling you for.
Yeah? I feel so much better now.
Yo, Tammy Laplante was fine.
Still fine. And all classy now.
You know she work at T.J.
Maxx up in Quincy, right?
Yo, they got some good shit over there.
Marcus, I was an idiot much of my life.
I mean, you got evidence of that and more.
I'm sorry. You deserved better.
Hey, man, fuck Robert Parish.
He should have let all of
us go to his camp for free.
I mean, I could shoot
threes like Ray Allen.
- I could have went to Gonzaga.
- Fuck Gonzaga.
- I need my money.
- All right.
That's the 2K Marcus owes you plus 10.
That's five for you, Dirty.
Marcus... whoa, hey, hey.
I put your shit on the Internet
'cause I had a debt.
That debt paid. I don't
need no more money from you.
- Dirty, you give him a gun?
- No.
I didn't make a copy
of your stupid-ass video
'cause that ain't me.
I ain't trying to ruin a man.
Look, man, just take the money, fool.
You call me fool again
and I'm gonna shoot you.
I'm not gonna kill you,
but I'm gonna maim you.
I'm gonna shoot you somewhere
you gonna remember me.
Marcus, we do remember you.
Man, we messed up back then.
Shit, man, we're sorry.
Truly.
If I send y'all some tickets,
would you come down to Atlanta?
Floor seats?
Now would be a good time for y'all to go.
I'll text you some dates that work.
It wasn't cool what we did to Marcus.
We just made up for it.
This place didn't teach us
a lot of good things very well, did it?
It taught us to stand
still when a gun gets drawn.
Wish it would have taught
us to put some diapers on
when it looked like a
gun was gonna get drawn.
I almost fucking shit all over myself.
I would have shit myself, too,
but the shit was too scared to come out.
Thanks for inviting all
those fools to Atlanta.
They're staying at your place. I'm serious.
I need a drink.
It's 2:00 A.M. Missed last call.
You'd think a city as
constantly drunk as Boston
would serve drinks after 2:00.
Oh, shit, you know where they serve
after-hours alcohol in Boston?
- Nowhere.
- Not true.
They pour beer after
hours in one part of town.
You just got to order tea.
You got to ask for it cold.
Cold tea, I forgot about that.
Cold tea equals cold beer in Chinatown.
- Let's go to Chinatown, cousin.
- I love them Chinks.
No! No more Chinks.
- I'm just playing.
- No more playing.
No more joking about any ethnic group.
Okay.