Survivors (1975–1977): Season 2, Episode 10 - Parasites - full transcript
MAN: Come on, come on.
Come on.
Here you are, then. Go on!
Hello!
-Before you ask, I'm well. And you?
-Me, too.
Oh, thank God for that.
I need someone to talk to.
It's a great old horse
but a rotten conversationalist.
-It looks hard work.
-It gets you fit.
-And the horse.
-She was fit already.
Is it a boy or a girl?
What's all that?
Well, there's dandelions,
beech leaves...
-What do you use them for?
-Well, to eat.
-You're kidding?
-No.
They're like cabbage, but softer.
-May I?
-Well, have a dandelion leaf.
Not bad.
You can make a very drinkable liqueur
out of them as well.
And that one's brooklime,
a sort of watercress.
Cure the gout with a sprig of mint,
sleep with your feet facing north.
-You one of those?
-A real old crank in other words!
I never said anything about old.
Hello, beauty! Work you hard, does he?
There you are, you see?
She doesn't even answer.
MINA: Mushroom omelette
cooked in beech nut oil.
A little watercress and wild spinach,
some dandelion coffee,
and a glass of beech noyau.
Now what do you say to that?
Well, first I'd say where,
then I'd say when?
(MINA LAUGHS)
-Do you know Whitecross?
-I've heard of it.
-Well, it's about four miles down river.
-Down canal.
-That's three locks.
-As you say.
-Well, do you mind if I look around?
-No. Help yourself.
Don't close any hatches
or windows, will you?
Why? Can't you get enough fresh air?
-Methyl alcohol.
-Where?
Oh, in some barrels. Lets off
a heavy vapour. It's highly inflammable.
And you don't fancy blowing yourself up.
No, not really.
We've got our own still,
but we're not so posh.
We call it wood alcohol.
Oh, really? We call it CHCOH,
as a matter of fact.
What else have you got
in this travelling shop?
Oh, this and that. Grain, spuds,
ironmongery, Wellington boots.
Where on earth did you get them from?
Well, we found this old house, see.
A vicarage it was, with a whacking
great rubber tree planted in the hall!
-No?
-Sorry!
Well, how about an abandoned lorry
in a lay-by off what was once the A40
loaded with boxes and boxes
of brand-new boots?
-Oh, yes, I'd buy that.
-That's the truth.
(SIGHS)
The A40.
-I love that hat!
-Yes, so do I. Keep your fingers off it.
By rights it should
be covered in fishhooks.
Are you a big fisherman?
I couldn't pull a packet of fish fingers
out of a deep freeze, let alone a canal.
How about letting us have
some of your wellies?
-Ah-ah. They are going to Woodkirk.
-How many pairs have you got?
-Thirty or 40.
-Oh, they'd never miss half a dozen.
Would they?
-Well...
-Oh, go on. Be a devil.
Would you throw in one of your dinners
like you described?
-For you? Any time.
-Okay, you're on.
Who knows, you might like it so much,
you decide to stay.
-Who knows?
-What do your people need?
Oh, couple of male goats, sugar beet,
some fruit trees, among other things.
Well, we might be able to help.
We have lots of dry bracken
for bedding cattle on.
Who hasn't?
Meet me tomorrow, then.
-Who's me?
-Oh! John, John Millen.
The pigeon is called Powter
and the horse is called Horse.
I'm Mina with an I, M-I-N-A.
-How do you do, Mina?
-How do you do?
Did your husband survive?
-No.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-Were you married?
-No, no.
Have you been a canal man all your life?
Oh, good Lord, no! No,
I used to work at Birmingham airport.
Marshaller. You know, the bloke with
the ear muffs and the ping-pong bats.
Two years ago, I was as deaf as a post.
Couldn't hear a 747, let alone a thrush.
Can you let me off here?
Yes, sure. Chuck us that rope, will you?
That's right.
Now shove the helm away from you.
-Right.
-The tiller away from you, that's it.
That's the way. Hello!
Oh, lummy, I haven't stopped the horse.
Horse, whoa! Whoa!
-I must be home before it gets dark.
-Well, it was nice meeting you, Mina.
-See you tomorrow, John.
-Yeah.
Four miles, you say?
It'll probably be after lunch. Some of
those locks are in a terrible state.
-Oh, that's all right.
-Well, I look forward to seeing you.
Me, too.
Hi!
Painful?
-And then some.
-Would you like some milk?
Oh, please.
-Feeling lonely?
-Very. Thank you.
I bet you wish you went
with the others now on the salt detail.
Mmm.
"For whatsoever a man soweth,
so also shall he reap."
Well, one thing's for sure.
We shouldn't go short of cabbages.
No, not if we get some rain.
(CARRIAGE APPROACHING)
Whoa!
Mina, homeward plodding her weary way.
Ha! Very weary.
And I warned you before,
it's dangerous hitching lifts.
-I got news, important news.
-Well, come on. Tell me all about it.
I was four or five miles down the canal
and I met a man with a barge.
-A waterbus I suppose you'd call it.
-Well, what fuel was he using?
You see? You stopped me
before I've even started.
But that's the sort of thing
I need to know.
-Horse power.
-What?
-The sort you lead on a rein.
-Mmm.
Look, the point is he had 30 or 40
pairs of boots. Wellington boots.
-Boots?
-Yes.
-We could do with some of those.
-That's what I told him.
-And what did he say?
-He's meeting us tomorrow.
-Trade?
-Yes.
Clever girl.
Where did he manage
to get hold of all these boots?
A lorry in a lay-by.
-Well, it's true.
-That's a bit of luck.
As long as they're not all
left feet for four-year-old midgets.
No.
Where does he come from,
this boatman of yours?
Oh, good Lord.
Do you know, I never asked?
-Doesn't sound like you.
-No, it's true.
-Mina, you know something?
-Mmm-hmm.
That is the most suspicious thing
I've heard in weeks.
You're not frightened?
-No.
-So why is your lip trembling?
I'm only teasing.
Where did you get it?
Off that new fence, the one Jack put up
before they went away.
Right, let's have a look.
Ouch!
-Sting?
-Yes.
Good. It's supposed to.
-Wood alcohol?
-You're not just pretty face.
Relax. Let your hand go loose.
Where's my boyfriend?
-John?
-Who else?
-Reading.
-Water-Babies?
No, he finished that.
-Ouch!
-Voil?.
Ugh.
Oh, you can be glad
it wasn't down your thumbnail.
There we are, miss.
A week's rest and you'll be able
to play the violin again.
I can't play the violin.
Exactly my point, Greg.
The mill, the methane gas project,
all these things can only happen
when we've got size.
-More people, bigger division of labour.
-Exactly.
It's the old industrial argument.
Only the big companies
could afford research.
If you don't research,
you don't get big.
Well, that's all fine and dandy just
as long as staying put and becoming big
don't become ends in themselves.
-Oh, is that likely?
-Well, it's possible.
Something you got to guard against.
The more fixed you become,
the more reactionary you're gonna...
-Geriatric and unlimited?
-Yeah.
No. There'll be kids here soon, Greg.
Another generation,
the Johns, the Lizzies.
Yeah, and they'll all be moving on
just as fast as they can,
like Philip and Judy, unless we make it
as attractive as possible.
By we, you mean me, don't you, eh?
-How are your hands?
-My blisters have got blisters.
Don't get sidetracked.
You're pulling back, Greg.
Is that what you're trying to say?
Charles, this whole thing
from the holocaust onwards, it's...
Well, it's all been a new lease
of life for you.
So?
Well, one day, this settlement of yours
is gonna need a new leader.
-Someone younger.
-You?
No, no, someone younger,
a different generation entirely.
I mean, someone for whom,
well, this is the reality.
Not like you and me, rear-mirror
drivers forever looking backwards.
So?
So you gotta make this place
attractive to young people.
'Cause if you don't, it's gonna end up
like one of those South Coast resorts.
Just a bunch of pension books.
-One splinter removed.
-Thanks, Ruth.
Have you told Charles
about the Wellington boots?
Yeah, we'll stick a reception committee
down by the canal tomorrow morning.
Now, not so strong, John.
You'll throw yourself in.
It's more of a whip action.
Use your wrists more.
-Did women fish, Greg?
-Only for compliments.
Well, some did,
but it was mainly a man's sport.
Mina says there wouldn't have been
any fish in here at all.
-Not in the old days.
-She's wrong.
There'd have been
what they call coarse fish,
bass, perch, bream, carp, even pike.
Mina showed us a picture of a pike
eating a swan.
Oh, did she? That was nice of her.
It was horrid. The pike got hold
of the swan by its head.
Yes. Lovely, lovely.
It was nice of you to tell me that.
Did you know that well-hedged land
can support a thousand pairs of birds
on every thousand acres?
-Don't you ever stop talking?
-Should I?
-Well, fish have got ears, you know.
-Haven't got eyelids.
Well, the way you go yakking on,
you'll never catch one to find out.
Look!
That's it.
All right, you two. You know what to do.
-Can't we stay and watch?
-No, you can't.
Now, go on.
There's a prize for the first one home.
-Only a first prize?
-Yes, only a first prize.
-What is the prize?
-Go on, run.
JOHN: It's here.
-What is?
-The boat.
Right. I'll be right with you.
-Is Greg there?
-Yes.
-Mina, the barge is here.
-Already? But he said after lunch.
Well, it's here. I've seen it.
-Aren't you coming?
-No.
I must get some watercress.
Now you run along.
-Welcome to Whitecross.
-Well, thank you, uncle.
I'm Jeff Kane,
and my number two is Les Grice.
Nice to meet you.
-Looks like we was expected.
-You were.
-Can we look after your horse for you?
-Oh, my pleasure.
He don't like me and I don't like him.
-Well, maybe it's because it's a she.
-Maybe it is.
Well, can we offer you some hospitality?
Sounds like a good idea, eh, Les?
Bring on the dancing girls.
You don't mind
if the kids look around, do you?
They've never seen
anything like this before.
Be my guest.
Relax.
The settlement's about
half a mile from here.
Well, like the publican said,
what's another half?
-You're going to Woodkirk, I hear.
-Oh, what big ears you've got, uncle.
It's not often a barge drops in on us.
What do you call it?
A barge, a waterbus?
Skylark.
(SNIFFING)
-Smells good.
-Any ideas?
It's not bad, that.
Gale beer.
-It's not safe to keep in a bottle.
-What, you mean it might blow up?
Right.
Gale beer,
where have you been all my life?
You can drink it a month after brewing.
Tastes even better
after the first frost.
Like brussel sprouts, eh?
You say gale.
Now, what sort of gale is that?
Sweet gale, it's a sort of shrub.
Was used in brewing long before hops.
-Oh, you're a little font of knowledge.
-Not really. This is Mina's province.
-Who's Mina?
-You met her yesterday.
Oh, did we?
Yeah. Well, I'll tell you,
it's been a hectic couple of days.
-Well, would you like to eat now?
-Yeah, now.
Well, no time like the present.
(CLEARS THROAT) Right. Well...
Help yourself to some more beer.
I'll be back in a minute.
Gale beer.
-Can we eat?
-Yes, it's all ready.
You know, it's a funny thing, Charlie.
I've seen one of those men before.
-Which one?
-The one with the hat.
-Remember where?
-No, I can't place him.
-Who the hell is Mina?
-Mina! You remember Mina.
# The story of Mina
began in the springtime #
-Easy, Jeff. Don't push your luck.
-Spoken like a true screw.
A bit of bother coming up
on C wing, is there, Mr Grice?
All those nasty maximum security men.
(TSKING)
Oh, it's a good number, this.
Pigs, cows, hens, geese.
Sheds full of equipment. Soap.
-Some sort of gas, I reckon.
-You've got eyes like X-ray machines.
Habit. You clock
anything that's nickable.
Yeah, I like the welcome party.
I had another one of those once.
-Welcome home, Jeff Kane.
-Where had you been?
Borstal.
Right, come on, you two.
Behaving like a couple of pirates.
Oh!
Stick 'em up.
Now, John, just take your finger
off that trigger
and point the gun away.
-It's not loaded.
-Never mind that.
Now take your finger off the trigger
and point the gun away.
-That's better.
-It's not loaded.
(GUN FIRES)
It's all right, John. It's all right.
Never mind.
At least you did what you were told,
it's all right.
I didn't think anyone else
had any more bullets.
(BELCHES)
Oops! Pardon me.
You done well here, uncle.
Very well.
I haven't even begun.
I haven't even scratched the surface.
"Acres are the best substitute for
ancestry." I don't know who said that.
I think it was you, actually, Charles.
Was it? One of my purple moments?
Well, gents, I don't like to rush you,
but when do we talk business?
-Have we any business to talk?
-I hope so.
Yeah. Well, like I said,
you're well-briefed.
You are going on to Woodkirk,
aren't you?
So you tell me.
Mrs McGregor, Southey Farm, she'll drive
a lot harder bargain than we will.
And we drive
the hardest bargain of the lot.
Well, obviously, I don't want
to interfere with anybody else's...
Oh, obviously not. All white kosher
gentlemen here, aren't we?
Old school tie
on the square and all that.
Jeff.
The voice of my conscience.
Perhaps you should
listen to it more often.
That sounded less than friendly, uncle.
-What would you say, Les?
-Skip it.
Oh, easy-going old Les, famous for it.
Look, why don't we see
if we can come to a deal, hmm?
Sounds all right by me.
Yeah, but it's me that
it has to sound all right by.
Well, I understand you want
some goats, male goats.
-What would we want them for?
-Breeding.
No. Not that desperate yet, are we, Les?
-Well, obviously we've been misinformed.
-Obviously.
Sugar beet?
Never touch the stuff.
Now, gale beer, that'd be different.
Well, it's no problem.
And you wouldn't have a box of cigars
lying around anywhere, would you?
No, I'm sorry. Look, have you got
a shortlist of the stuff that you need?
Oh, surely. Any spare blankets?
Well, we'll have a look for you.
-Binoculars?
-No.
-What have we got that you want?
-Well, obviously it's not the alcohol,
we've solved that problem
for ourselves, but...
Well, the Wellington boots, we could
do with about 10 pairs of those.
Oh, I think we could manage that,
don't you?
-Depends.
-Well, if not 10 pairs, then eight, six.
KANE: Yeah, maybe.
Here, can you put us up for the night?
Yes, yes, of course.
-In the tree house?
-Yeah, why not?
Yeah, then we can, you know,
take a walk round, see who takes our...
What takes our fancy.
-Well, I think we ought to push off.
-Relax.
-They'll be expecting...
-Oh, a real worry-guts.
-I'll be down by the canal later on.
-Yeah, well, help yourself. Ten pair.
Thanks. Just a point of interest.
How is it you've still got
shotgun ammunition?
Point of interest. How did you know?
A little boy fired a shot.
Well, that should have
taught him something.
(HUMMING)
-They'll expect to hear from him.
-What? A quick 30 seconds after 6:00?
You know what I mean. A bloke sails off
with a boatload of goods,
couple of days, they're bound
to start worrying about him.
Wouldn't take you two days, would it?
What you've got to think about
is the months of hard labour,
-the graft, sweat, capital.
-Well, we were lucky, weren't we?
John!
Oh.
Oh, sorry. I thought you were
John Millen. Where is he?
-John?
-Oh, you didn't come with the waterbus?
Yeah, we did. Um...
Well, John, see, he had to go back.
-Back?
-Yeah, to the settlement.
Oh, that was sudden.
-Very.
-Yeah, we took over from him.
-Why?
-Why what?
Well, why did he have to go back?
-Domestic.
-What does that mean?
Well, his woman, see, she was took sick.
GRICE: Yeah, colitis.
Oh, I see.
-You know him, do you?
-Yes.
-He's a good man, John, eh, Les?
-One of the best.
Did he send any message?
-That depends on who you are, love.
-Mina.
Well, didn't he say anything?
Yeah, he did. He said...
What was it he said, Les?
Uh, he told you, didn't he?
Yeah. He said...
Not to worry and he'd see you next time.
-Next time?
-Yeah, that's right.
-Well, nothing else?
-Sorry.
Well, like you said,
it was all so sudden.
What's wrong?
Why are you wearing his hat?
You got more questions
than a dog got fleas.
Why?
GRICE: Oh, they done a swap.
Yeah, that's right.
Exchange is no robbery.
He took my poncho,
I took his hat. Satisfied?
You know, this is like kitting out
a foot fetishist's parlour.
-Sorry.
-It's all right.
You know, I used to drink this stuff.
Oh, which? The beer or the wood alcohol?
The beer.
Tweeds, a pipe,
a couple of glasses of bitter,
and hope they wouldn't notice
the dog collar.
-Did it work?
-No, it takes time.
It was like having a horn
in the middle of my forehead
and trying to pretend it wasn't there.
Yeah, I'll bet it was.
No, you drink that other stuff,
you'd be lucky to survive.
-As strong as that?
-Mmm.
Blinds you then kills you.
-I'll stick to milk.
-Much safer.
I'll try, but I don't think
I'm gonna like little Mina.
-So, it was John, eh?
-Yeah. Some say good old John.
And some say nothing at all.
What's that mean?
-It means I think we should go.
-Go!
(LAUGHING) Pongs, don't it?
Yeah, as it rots
it gives off a kind of gas.
Hey, could you use it as a sort of fuel?
Don't see why not.
Power from that pump, soap, gas and...
-This.
-Oh, where'd you get that?
Still waters, huh?
-Come in.
-You all right?
-Hmm.
-Thank you for the watercress.
-Welcome.
-What's wrong?
Nothing.
-That waterbus.
-What about it?
When I met it yesterday,
there was one man with it, John.
And now there are two.
Two different men.
-Is that all?
-Yes.
Well, there could be
scores of explanations.
Why don't you ask them?
-I did.
-What did they say?
That John's wife,
his woman, was taken ill.
-And they replaced him?
-Yes.
-Sounds credible enough.
-No, he doesn't have a wife.
-He told me.
-Maybe he didn't want you to know.
-Why?
-I don't know.
Have you fallen for him?
(SCOFFS) Fall! You make it sound
like True Confessions.
I... I liked him.
-Don't read too much into it, love.
-Hmm, perhaps not.
One of them was wearing his hat.
Last Tuesday and Wednesday
I wore your oilskin.
No, that was different.
That was because of the storm.
Doesn't alter the fact.
(MEN TALKING)
CHARLES: You see that valley there,
there's the canal.
Whoa!
Did those men object to your going
aboard the boat on your own?
-Well, if they did, they didn't say so.
-Did you look around?
Well, there's not that much
to look round.
Well, could there be
someone else on board?
Well, to be honest,
I didn't look that closely,
but I wouldn't have said so, no.
Like I told you, I met just the one man.
And neither of those two is him?
Well, whoever they are, they've got
a miniature arsenal on board.
Come on.
-Wide open.
-Hmm.
Begging to be done like those
desirable bijou residences
with everyone sitting, goggling,
with the bedroom window on the latch,
or the back door open for Tiddles.
Hey, was that how you started? Creeping?
It was never this easy.
-Do you ever get a regular job?
-No, what for?
I never had no time
for the nine-to-five brigade.
You see them all streaming home
in their HP jam jars,
with a nodding dog in the back window
and the paper snot rags in the front.
Peasants. And now they're all here,
pretending
it's some jolly Outward Bound camp.
The Duke of Edinburgh will be popping in
with a few of his awards.
At least villains had something
to rabbit on about.
Life had a bit of taste to it,
a bit of colour, tempo and excitement.
Was your old man bent?
So straight you could rule lines
by him, poor sucker.
All he ever really got out of it
was poverty.
Oh, everyone was
stealing themselves blind, not him.
There were two straight guys
on the patch, my dad and the vicar.
First job I ever done
was the church silver.
I've just been talking
to Ruth about Mina.
-And our visitors.
-You know?
-Yeah, she told me.
-Well, what do you think?
Wouldn't put it past Mina to get hold
of the wrong end of the stick, you know.
Well, I can't say I'm exactly
bowled over by them.
Me neither. Uncle!
Pet swears she's seen
one of them before.
-Whereabouts?
-Can't remember.
Point is, we want those boots, and
secondly, is it any of our business?
Yeah, and thirdly,
is there any truth in it?
Well, let them find something they want,
agree to terms and get shot of them.
I just hope it's all as simple as that.
-Negotiate from strength.
-What strength?
We've already got the boots.
(SIGHING) It's enough to put you off
mutton for the rest of your life.
And washing.
-Ah, another pair of hands.
-Those two men.
-Kane and Grice?
-Kane! That's his name.
-What about him?
-I told you his face was familiar.
-Have you met him before?
-Not met him, no.
Come across him is
a better way of putting it.
Oh, come on. Don't keep us in suspense.
My father was on jury service, it would
be about three years ago now, I suppose.
Turned out to be a big trial,
Crown Court and all that.
It was armed robbery
for platinum and scrap gold.
-So?
-A security guard was killed.
-Kane was one of the accused.
-Are you sure?
We followed the trial every day at home
in the newspaper.
All the photos were in the papers.
Kane got a life sentence.
-What are we to do?
-Get shot of them.
-Where's Ruth gone, then?
-PET: To see the baby.
-Has she got a kid?
-GREG: The baby's mine.
-Oh, good for you, uncle.
-Its mother is away at the moment.
Oh, that's nice.
Some of us go away to get salt
from time to time.
There's a place about 120 miles north
of here. We get through a lot of it.
Put it on birds' tails, do you?
-Careful, I might shrink.
-I found him.
-Who?
-John Millen.
-Oh, did you? How is the old boy?
-He's dead.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
That was sticking in his back!
Ugly!
I noticed that the sheath
on your belt is empty.
I never saw that knife
before in my life.
Perhaps you'd like to see if it fits.
-I lost my knife months ago, right, Les?
-Right.
See if it fits.
-Most of these knives are the same size.
-Try it.
-Not at the moment, thank you, Duchess.
-You killed him.
You want to be more careful,
going around accusing people,
-it's not nice.
-And after that you stole the waterbus.
Thank you all for your hospitality.
Good night.
CHARLES: Greg!
PET: Mina!
If you can't look after her...
Well, I will.
-He's a murderer!
-Just take it easy, Mina.
Let's talk it over.
Talk?
(SOBBING)
What is there to talk about?
Here, pull that ladder up.
I don't fancy waking with me throat cut.
-There's no pulling that off, is there?
-Only one way.
-Look, why don't we just go?
-Now? It's starting to rain.
When it stops.
-Look, I'm no good without my shuteye.
-Oh, come on.
No, I need a good solid eight hours.
Here, warm your gut.
No one tells me when to go,
when to come, when to slop out, nobody.
Now, that's finished.
-Why can't we just get shot of them?
-Offload them onto someone else?
Can't do that. We owe it
to the other settlements.
But what happens to the people here,
the children,
if anything happens to you and Greg?
What happens if we're a soft touch
for every thug
with a hatchet or a shotgun?
I don't know.
But I do know that violence breeds
violence, it never solved anything.
Well, you just give us an alternative.
I don't care how you do it,
but get them out of there.
-It's Paul's house.
-Those two men have guns.
-CHARLES: So have we.
-But no ammunition.
They don't know that.
What's wrong with going down to the
canal tonight and taking all of theirs?
(RATTLING)
-What's up?
-Shh, I heard something.
-Rain.
-Sounded more like horse and cart.
-Where are you going?
-To get some insurance.
-What do you mean, insurance?
-Shut up and come on.
LEWIS: Wait!
-CHARLES: What's wrong?
-Let me do this.
-Do what?
-This is something that I should do.
Let's try the peaceful approach.
Let me be the mediator.
What is there to lose?
I'm no great shakes with the hoe,
I'm not an engineer
and I can't take an appendix out.
Maybe they'll trust me.
All right.
Well, anything's better than a gunfight.
-Sometimes.
-What can I tell them?
Tell them they can go on their way,
but without the waterbus.
You can tell them that there'll
be no lynch mobs or anything like it.
-I never thought there would be.
-Yeah, but they might.
Good point.
You can also tell them they can make
a start by throwing out their guns.
-'Cause we've got all their ammunition.
-Right.
Shouldn't you have
a white flag or something?
Won't this do?
-Good luck.
-Thank you.
KANE: That's close enough.
Well, my old friend the chaplain,
known to one and all as Holy Joe.
What is it, then?
Bit of communal hymn singing?
-I want you to throw down your guns.
-Oh, the man of peace.
"Who's for Jesus?"
That's what we used to say.
When you've done that,
you can go in peace.
Cut it out, will you?
-I can help you.
-Help?
All my life people have been helping me.
Schoolteachers, social workers,
magistrates, psycho-analogists,
probation officers, prison officers,
every sort of officer. You're a pain!
The whole lot of you, a pain!
Please, no harm will come to you.
I give you my word.
No, I'll tell you what you'll give me.
Two saddled horses
at the foot of this ladder, 10 minutes.
-No, I'm sorry.
-If not, the girl dies.
-Ten minutes. The boy, too.
-What girl? What boy?
-Lizzie and John.
-You're bluffing.
That leaves you nine minutes.
Do you want more proof?
Only a few seconds to spare, uncle.
Now go back.
Now, any tricks, you got
two dead kids on your hands.
Just do as they say, kids.
GRICE: Come on, come on.
Come on now. Come on.
Carry on.
Go on, get moving.
Come on, that's a boy.
What are they up to?
Grice is either bone tired or drunk.
-What about the kids?
-There's no sign of them.
Cover him up. We'll move him later.
What's that?
Wood alcohol.
I only hope they drank it.
-Les! Les!
-What?
-Are you all right?
-What do you mean?
How do you feel?
What do you think I mean?
-Now you ask, I feel lousy.
-Just describe it.
Oh, I don't know.
Like when I had sunstroke once.
Pull us into the side.
-Huh?
-Pull us in!
Whoa, whoa.
Les, look, I can't focus.
It's like a fog. I can't see you.
-You've banged your nut?
-I can't see, I'm going blind.
Take it easy.
(SLURRING) Get some water
on the back of your head.
All the nerve centres are
at the back of the head.
Any better?
Oh, oh, my God!
-Les, don't leave me!
-Damn kids.
No, never mind. Get me inside.
I'll feel better if I lie down.
-Come on.
-And get me some light!
-What happened?
-One man's sick.
-He says he's going blind.
-Blind?
-Have they been drinking?
-Yes.
-Out of a bottle?
-Yes.
Wood alcohol.
What happened?
How? What caused it?
Good old wood alcohol.
MINA: White berries. See?
And this unusual stem, with its roots
under the bark of another tree,
so it seems sort of hanging.
Now, does anybody know what it is?
Yes, John.
-It's mistletoe.
-Good boy.
The mistletoe seeds are carried
by a bird's beak.
When it cleans the beak,
the seeds get lodged inside the bark,
usually an apple or a poplar tree.
The mistletoe is
what we call a parasite.
What's a parasite?
A parasite is something or somebody
that lives off or preys on
-somebody or something else.
-JOHN: Is it poisonous?
-I beg your pardon?
-I said, was it poisonous?
Yes. It's poisonous.
Oh, well. Shall we stop now?
And later we can have a quiz
on all the other poisonous berries
and fruits. All right?
I love that hat.
JOHN: Should really be covered
in fishhooks.
Come on.
Here you are, then. Go on!
Hello!
-Before you ask, I'm well. And you?
-Me, too.
Oh, thank God for that.
I need someone to talk to.
It's a great old horse
but a rotten conversationalist.
-It looks hard work.
-It gets you fit.
-And the horse.
-She was fit already.
Is it a boy or a girl?
What's all that?
Well, there's dandelions,
beech leaves...
-What do you use them for?
-Well, to eat.
-You're kidding?
-No.
They're like cabbage, but softer.
-May I?
-Well, have a dandelion leaf.
Not bad.
You can make a very drinkable liqueur
out of them as well.
And that one's brooklime,
a sort of watercress.
Cure the gout with a sprig of mint,
sleep with your feet facing north.
-You one of those?
-A real old crank in other words!
I never said anything about old.
Hello, beauty! Work you hard, does he?
There you are, you see?
She doesn't even answer.
MINA: Mushroom omelette
cooked in beech nut oil.
A little watercress and wild spinach,
some dandelion coffee,
and a glass of beech noyau.
Now what do you say to that?
Well, first I'd say where,
then I'd say when?
(MINA LAUGHS)
-Do you know Whitecross?
-I've heard of it.
-Well, it's about four miles down river.
-Down canal.
-That's three locks.
-As you say.
-Well, do you mind if I look around?
-No. Help yourself.
Don't close any hatches
or windows, will you?
Why? Can't you get enough fresh air?
-Methyl alcohol.
-Where?
Oh, in some barrels. Lets off
a heavy vapour. It's highly inflammable.
And you don't fancy blowing yourself up.
No, not really.
We've got our own still,
but we're not so posh.
We call it wood alcohol.
Oh, really? We call it CHCOH,
as a matter of fact.
What else have you got
in this travelling shop?
Oh, this and that. Grain, spuds,
ironmongery, Wellington boots.
Where on earth did you get them from?
Well, we found this old house, see.
A vicarage it was, with a whacking
great rubber tree planted in the hall!
-No?
-Sorry!
Well, how about an abandoned lorry
in a lay-by off what was once the A40
loaded with boxes and boxes
of brand-new boots?
-Oh, yes, I'd buy that.
-That's the truth.
(SIGHS)
The A40.
-I love that hat!
-Yes, so do I. Keep your fingers off it.
By rights it should
be covered in fishhooks.
Are you a big fisherman?
I couldn't pull a packet of fish fingers
out of a deep freeze, let alone a canal.
How about letting us have
some of your wellies?
-Ah-ah. They are going to Woodkirk.
-How many pairs have you got?
-Thirty or 40.
-Oh, they'd never miss half a dozen.
Would they?
-Well...
-Oh, go on. Be a devil.
Would you throw in one of your dinners
like you described?
-For you? Any time.
-Okay, you're on.
Who knows, you might like it so much,
you decide to stay.
-Who knows?
-What do your people need?
Oh, couple of male goats, sugar beet,
some fruit trees, among other things.
Well, we might be able to help.
We have lots of dry bracken
for bedding cattle on.
Who hasn't?
Meet me tomorrow, then.
-Who's me?
-Oh! John, John Millen.
The pigeon is called Powter
and the horse is called Horse.
I'm Mina with an I, M-I-N-A.
-How do you do, Mina?
-How do you do?
Did your husband survive?
-No.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-Were you married?
-No, no.
Have you been a canal man all your life?
Oh, good Lord, no! No,
I used to work at Birmingham airport.
Marshaller. You know, the bloke with
the ear muffs and the ping-pong bats.
Two years ago, I was as deaf as a post.
Couldn't hear a 747, let alone a thrush.
Can you let me off here?
Yes, sure. Chuck us that rope, will you?
That's right.
Now shove the helm away from you.
-Right.
-The tiller away from you, that's it.
That's the way. Hello!
Oh, lummy, I haven't stopped the horse.
Horse, whoa! Whoa!
-I must be home before it gets dark.
-Well, it was nice meeting you, Mina.
-See you tomorrow, John.
-Yeah.
Four miles, you say?
It'll probably be after lunch. Some of
those locks are in a terrible state.
-Oh, that's all right.
-Well, I look forward to seeing you.
Me, too.
Hi!
Painful?
-And then some.
-Would you like some milk?
Oh, please.
-Feeling lonely?
-Very. Thank you.
I bet you wish you went
with the others now on the salt detail.
Mmm.
"For whatsoever a man soweth,
so also shall he reap."
Well, one thing's for sure.
We shouldn't go short of cabbages.
No, not if we get some rain.
(CARRIAGE APPROACHING)
Whoa!
Mina, homeward plodding her weary way.
Ha! Very weary.
And I warned you before,
it's dangerous hitching lifts.
-I got news, important news.
-Well, come on. Tell me all about it.
I was four or five miles down the canal
and I met a man with a barge.
-A waterbus I suppose you'd call it.
-Well, what fuel was he using?
You see? You stopped me
before I've even started.
But that's the sort of thing
I need to know.
-Horse power.
-What?
-The sort you lead on a rein.
-Mmm.
Look, the point is he had 30 or 40
pairs of boots. Wellington boots.
-Boots?
-Yes.
-We could do with some of those.
-That's what I told him.
-And what did he say?
-He's meeting us tomorrow.
-Trade?
-Yes.
Clever girl.
Where did he manage
to get hold of all these boots?
A lorry in a lay-by.
-Well, it's true.
-That's a bit of luck.
As long as they're not all
left feet for four-year-old midgets.
No.
Where does he come from,
this boatman of yours?
Oh, good Lord.
Do you know, I never asked?
-Doesn't sound like you.
-No, it's true.
-Mina, you know something?
-Mmm-hmm.
That is the most suspicious thing
I've heard in weeks.
You're not frightened?
-No.
-So why is your lip trembling?
I'm only teasing.
Where did you get it?
Off that new fence, the one Jack put up
before they went away.
Right, let's have a look.
Ouch!
-Sting?
-Yes.
Good. It's supposed to.
-Wood alcohol?
-You're not just pretty face.
Relax. Let your hand go loose.
Where's my boyfriend?
-John?
-Who else?
-Reading.
-Water-Babies?
No, he finished that.
-Ouch!
-Voil?.
Ugh.
Oh, you can be glad
it wasn't down your thumbnail.
There we are, miss.
A week's rest and you'll be able
to play the violin again.
I can't play the violin.
Exactly my point, Greg.
The mill, the methane gas project,
all these things can only happen
when we've got size.
-More people, bigger division of labour.
-Exactly.
It's the old industrial argument.
Only the big companies
could afford research.
If you don't research,
you don't get big.
Well, that's all fine and dandy just
as long as staying put and becoming big
don't become ends in themselves.
-Oh, is that likely?
-Well, it's possible.
Something you got to guard against.
The more fixed you become,
the more reactionary you're gonna...
-Geriatric and unlimited?
-Yeah.
No. There'll be kids here soon, Greg.
Another generation,
the Johns, the Lizzies.
Yeah, and they'll all be moving on
just as fast as they can,
like Philip and Judy, unless we make it
as attractive as possible.
By we, you mean me, don't you, eh?
-How are your hands?
-My blisters have got blisters.
Don't get sidetracked.
You're pulling back, Greg.
Is that what you're trying to say?
Charles, this whole thing
from the holocaust onwards, it's...
Well, it's all been a new lease
of life for you.
So?
Well, one day, this settlement of yours
is gonna need a new leader.
-Someone younger.
-You?
No, no, someone younger,
a different generation entirely.
I mean, someone for whom,
well, this is the reality.
Not like you and me, rear-mirror
drivers forever looking backwards.
So?
So you gotta make this place
attractive to young people.
'Cause if you don't, it's gonna end up
like one of those South Coast resorts.
Just a bunch of pension books.
-One splinter removed.
-Thanks, Ruth.
Have you told Charles
about the Wellington boots?
Yeah, we'll stick a reception committee
down by the canal tomorrow morning.
Now, not so strong, John.
You'll throw yourself in.
It's more of a whip action.
Use your wrists more.
-Did women fish, Greg?
-Only for compliments.
Well, some did,
but it was mainly a man's sport.
Mina says there wouldn't have been
any fish in here at all.
-Not in the old days.
-She's wrong.
There'd have been
what they call coarse fish,
bass, perch, bream, carp, even pike.
Mina showed us a picture of a pike
eating a swan.
Oh, did she? That was nice of her.
It was horrid. The pike got hold
of the swan by its head.
Yes. Lovely, lovely.
It was nice of you to tell me that.
Did you know that well-hedged land
can support a thousand pairs of birds
on every thousand acres?
-Don't you ever stop talking?
-Should I?
-Well, fish have got ears, you know.
-Haven't got eyelids.
Well, the way you go yakking on,
you'll never catch one to find out.
Look!
That's it.
All right, you two. You know what to do.
-Can't we stay and watch?
-No, you can't.
Now, go on.
There's a prize for the first one home.
-Only a first prize?
-Yes, only a first prize.
-What is the prize?
-Go on, run.
JOHN: It's here.
-What is?
-The boat.
Right. I'll be right with you.
-Is Greg there?
-Yes.
-Mina, the barge is here.
-Already? But he said after lunch.
Well, it's here. I've seen it.
-Aren't you coming?
-No.
I must get some watercress.
Now you run along.
-Welcome to Whitecross.
-Well, thank you, uncle.
I'm Jeff Kane,
and my number two is Les Grice.
Nice to meet you.
-Looks like we was expected.
-You were.
-Can we look after your horse for you?
-Oh, my pleasure.
He don't like me and I don't like him.
-Well, maybe it's because it's a she.
-Maybe it is.
Well, can we offer you some hospitality?
Sounds like a good idea, eh, Les?
Bring on the dancing girls.
You don't mind
if the kids look around, do you?
They've never seen
anything like this before.
Be my guest.
Relax.
The settlement's about
half a mile from here.
Well, like the publican said,
what's another half?
-You're going to Woodkirk, I hear.
-Oh, what big ears you've got, uncle.
It's not often a barge drops in on us.
What do you call it?
A barge, a waterbus?
Skylark.
(SNIFFING)
-Smells good.
-Any ideas?
It's not bad, that.
Gale beer.
-It's not safe to keep in a bottle.
-What, you mean it might blow up?
Right.
Gale beer,
where have you been all my life?
You can drink it a month after brewing.
Tastes even better
after the first frost.
Like brussel sprouts, eh?
You say gale.
Now, what sort of gale is that?
Sweet gale, it's a sort of shrub.
Was used in brewing long before hops.
-Oh, you're a little font of knowledge.
-Not really. This is Mina's province.
-Who's Mina?
-You met her yesterday.
Oh, did we?
Yeah. Well, I'll tell you,
it's been a hectic couple of days.
-Well, would you like to eat now?
-Yeah, now.
Well, no time like the present.
(CLEARS THROAT) Right. Well...
Help yourself to some more beer.
I'll be back in a minute.
Gale beer.
-Can we eat?
-Yes, it's all ready.
You know, it's a funny thing, Charlie.
I've seen one of those men before.
-Which one?
-The one with the hat.
-Remember where?
-No, I can't place him.
-Who the hell is Mina?
-Mina! You remember Mina.
# The story of Mina
began in the springtime #
-Easy, Jeff. Don't push your luck.
-Spoken like a true screw.
A bit of bother coming up
on C wing, is there, Mr Grice?
All those nasty maximum security men.
(TSKING)
Oh, it's a good number, this.
Pigs, cows, hens, geese.
Sheds full of equipment. Soap.
-Some sort of gas, I reckon.
-You've got eyes like X-ray machines.
Habit. You clock
anything that's nickable.
Yeah, I like the welcome party.
I had another one of those once.
-Welcome home, Jeff Kane.
-Where had you been?
Borstal.
Right, come on, you two.
Behaving like a couple of pirates.
Oh!
Stick 'em up.
Now, John, just take your finger
off that trigger
and point the gun away.
-It's not loaded.
-Never mind that.
Now take your finger off the trigger
and point the gun away.
-That's better.
-It's not loaded.
(GUN FIRES)
It's all right, John. It's all right.
Never mind.
At least you did what you were told,
it's all right.
I didn't think anyone else
had any more bullets.
(BELCHES)
Oops! Pardon me.
You done well here, uncle.
Very well.
I haven't even begun.
I haven't even scratched the surface.
"Acres are the best substitute for
ancestry." I don't know who said that.
I think it was you, actually, Charles.
Was it? One of my purple moments?
Well, gents, I don't like to rush you,
but when do we talk business?
-Have we any business to talk?
-I hope so.
Yeah. Well, like I said,
you're well-briefed.
You are going on to Woodkirk,
aren't you?
So you tell me.
Mrs McGregor, Southey Farm, she'll drive
a lot harder bargain than we will.
And we drive
the hardest bargain of the lot.
Well, obviously, I don't want
to interfere with anybody else's...
Oh, obviously not. All white kosher
gentlemen here, aren't we?
Old school tie
on the square and all that.
Jeff.
The voice of my conscience.
Perhaps you should
listen to it more often.
That sounded less than friendly, uncle.
-What would you say, Les?
-Skip it.
Oh, easy-going old Les, famous for it.
Look, why don't we see
if we can come to a deal, hmm?
Sounds all right by me.
Yeah, but it's me that
it has to sound all right by.
Well, I understand you want
some goats, male goats.
-What would we want them for?
-Breeding.
No. Not that desperate yet, are we, Les?
-Well, obviously we've been misinformed.
-Obviously.
Sugar beet?
Never touch the stuff.
Now, gale beer, that'd be different.
Well, it's no problem.
And you wouldn't have a box of cigars
lying around anywhere, would you?
No, I'm sorry. Look, have you got
a shortlist of the stuff that you need?
Oh, surely. Any spare blankets?
Well, we'll have a look for you.
-Binoculars?
-No.
-What have we got that you want?
-Well, obviously it's not the alcohol,
we've solved that problem
for ourselves, but...
Well, the Wellington boots, we could
do with about 10 pairs of those.
Oh, I think we could manage that,
don't you?
-Depends.
-Well, if not 10 pairs, then eight, six.
KANE: Yeah, maybe.
Here, can you put us up for the night?
Yes, yes, of course.
-In the tree house?
-Yeah, why not?
Yeah, then we can, you know,
take a walk round, see who takes our...
What takes our fancy.
-Well, I think we ought to push off.
-Relax.
-They'll be expecting...
-Oh, a real worry-guts.
-I'll be down by the canal later on.
-Yeah, well, help yourself. Ten pair.
Thanks. Just a point of interest.
How is it you've still got
shotgun ammunition?
Point of interest. How did you know?
A little boy fired a shot.
Well, that should have
taught him something.
(HUMMING)
-They'll expect to hear from him.
-What? A quick 30 seconds after 6:00?
You know what I mean. A bloke sails off
with a boatload of goods,
couple of days, they're bound
to start worrying about him.
Wouldn't take you two days, would it?
What you've got to think about
is the months of hard labour,
-the graft, sweat, capital.
-Well, we were lucky, weren't we?
John!
Oh.
Oh, sorry. I thought you were
John Millen. Where is he?
-John?
-Oh, you didn't come with the waterbus?
Yeah, we did. Um...
Well, John, see, he had to go back.
-Back?
-Yeah, to the settlement.
Oh, that was sudden.
-Very.
-Yeah, we took over from him.
-Why?
-Why what?
Well, why did he have to go back?
-Domestic.
-What does that mean?
Well, his woman, see, she was took sick.
GRICE: Yeah, colitis.
Oh, I see.
-You know him, do you?
-Yes.
-He's a good man, John, eh, Les?
-One of the best.
Did he send any message?
-That depends on who you are, love.
-Mina.
Well, didn't he say anything?
Yeah, he did. He said...
What was it he said, Les?
Uh, he told you, didn't he?
Yeah. He said...
Not to worry and he'd see you next time.
-Next time?
-Yeah, that's right.
-Well, nothing else?
-Sorry.
Well, like you said,
it was all so sudden.
What's wrong?
Why are you wearing his hat?
You got more questions
than a dog got fleas.
Why?
GRICE: Oh, they done a swap.
Yeah, that's right.
Exchange is no robbery.
He took my poncho,
I took his hat. Satisfied?
You know, this is like kitting out
a foot fetishist's parlour.
-Sorry.
-It's all right.
You know, I used to drink this stuff.
Oh, which? The beer or the wood alcohol?
The beer.
Tweeds, a pipe,
a couple of glasses of bitter,
and hope they wouldn't notice
the dog collar.
-Did it work?
-No, it takes time.
It was like having a horn
in the middle of my forehead
and trying to pretend it wasn't there.
Yeah, I'll bet it was.
No, you drink that other stuff,
you'd be lucky to survive.
-As strong as that?
-Mmm.
Blinds you then kills you.
-I'll stick to milk.
-Much safer.
I'll try, but I don't think
I'm gonna like little Mina.
-So, it was John, eh?
-Yeah. Some say good old John.
And some say nothing at all.
What's that mean?
-It means I think we should go.
-Go!
(LAUGHING) Pongs, don't it?
Yeah, as it rots
it gives off a kind of gas.
Hey, could you use it as a sort of fuel?
Don't see why not.
Power from that pump, soap, gas and...
-This.
-Oh, where'd you get that?
Still waters, huh?
-Come in.
-You all right?
-Hmm.
-Thank you for the watercress.
-Welcome.
-What's wrong?
Nothing.
-That waterbus.
-What about it?
When I met it yesterday,
there was one man with it, John.
And now there are two.
Two different men.
-Is that all?
-Yes.
Well, there could be
scores of explanations.
Why don't you ask them?
-I did.
-What did they say?
That John's wife,
his woman, was taken ill.
-And they replaced him?
-Yes.
-Sounds credible enough.
-No, he doesn't have a wife.
-He told me.
-Maybe he didn't want you to know.
-Why?
-I don't know.
Have you fallen for him?
(SCOFFS) Fall! You make it sound
like True Confessions.
I... I liked him.
-Don't read too much into it, love.
-Hmm, perhaps not.
One of them was wearing his hat.
Last Tuesday and Wednesday
I wore your oilskin.
No, that was different.
That was because of the storm.
Doesn't alter the fact.
(MEN TALKING)
CHARLES: You see that valley there,
there's the canal.
Whoa!
Did those men object to your going
aboard the boat on your own?
-Well, if they did, they didn't say so.
-Did you look around?
Well, there's not that much
to look round.
Well, could there be
someone else on board?
Well, to be honest,
I didn't look that closely,
but I wouldn't have said so, no.
Like I told you, I met just the one man.
And neither of those two is him?
Well, whoever they are, they've got
a miniature arsenal on board.
Come on.
-Wide open.
-Hmm.
Begging to be done like those
desirable bijou residences
with everyone sitting, goggling,
with the bedroom window on the latch,
or the back door open for Tiddles.
Hey, was that how you started? Creeping?
It was never this easy.
-Do you ever get a regular job?
-No, what for?
I never had no time
for the nine-to-five brigade.
You see them all streaming home
in their HP jam jars,
with a nodding dog in the back window
and the paper snot rags in the front.
Peasants. And now they're all here,
pretending
it's some jolly Outward Bound camp.
The Duke of Edinburgh will be popping in
with a few of his awards.
At least villains had something
to rabbit on about.
Life had a bit of taste to it,
a bit of colour, tempo and excitement.
Was your old man bent?
So straight you could rule lines
by him, poor sucker.
All he ever really got out of it
was poverty.
Oh, everyone was
stealing themselves blind, not him.
There were two straight guys
on the patch, my dad and the vicar.
First job I ever done
was the church silver.
I've just been talking
to Ruth about Mina.
-And our visitors.
-You know?
-Yeah, she told me.
-Well, what do you think?
Wouldn't put it past Mina to get hold
of the wrong end of the stick, you know.
Well, I can't say I'm exactly
bowled over by them.
Me neither. Uncle!
Pet swears she's seen
one of them before.
-Whereabouts?
-Can't remember.
Point is, we want those boots, and
secondly, is it any of our business?
Yeah, and thirdly,
is there any truth in it?
Well, let them find something they want,
agree to terms and get shot of them.
I just hope it's all as simple as that.
-Negotiate from strength.
-What strength?
We've already got the boots.
(SIGHING) It's enough to put you off
mutton for the rest of your life.
And washing.
-Ah, another pair of hands.
-Those two men.
-Kane and Grice?
-Kane! That's his name.
-What about him?
-I told you his face was familiar.
-Have you met him before?
-Not met him, no.
Come across him is
a better way of putting it.
Oh, come on. Don't keep us in suspense.
My father was on jury service, it would
be about three years ago now, I suppose.
Turned out to be a big trial,
Crown Court and all that.
It was armed robbery
for platinum and scrap gold.
-So?
-A security guard was killed.
-Kane was one of the accused.
-Are you sure?
We followed the trial every day at home
in the newspaper.
All the photos were in the papers.
Kane got a life sentence.
-What are we to do?
-Get shot of them.
-Where's Ruth gone, then?
-PET: To see the baby.
-Has she got a kid?
-GREG: The baby's mine.
-Oh, good for you, uncle.
-Its mother is away at the moment.
Oh, that's nice.
Some of us go away to get salt
from time to time.
There's a place about 120 miles north
of here. We get through a lot of it.
Put it on birds' tails, do you?
-Careful, I might shrink.
-I found him.
-Who?
-John Millen.
-Oh, did you? How is the old boy?
-He's dead.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
That was sticking in his back!
Ugly!
I noticed that the sheath
on your belt is empty.
I never saw that knife
before in my life.
Perhaps you'd like to see if it fits.
-I lost my knife months ago, right, Les?
-Right.
See if it fits.
-Most of these knives are the same size.
-Try it.
-Not at the moment, thank you, Duchess.
-You killed him.
You want to be more careful,
going around accusing people,
-it's not nice.
-And after that you stole the waterbus.
Thank you all for your hospitality.
Good night.
CHARLES: Greg!
PET: Mina!
If you can't look after her...
Well, I will.
-He's a murderer!
-Just take it easy, Mina.
Let's talk it over.
Talk?
(SOBBING)
What is there to talk about?
Here, pull that ladder up.
I don't fancy waking with me throat cut.
-There's no pulling that off, is there?
-Only one way.
-Look, why don't we just go?
-Now? It's starting to rain.
When it stops.
-Look, I'm no good without my shuteye.
-Oh, come on.
No, I need a good solid eight hours.
Here, warm your gut.
No one tells me when to go,
when to come, when to slop out, nobody.
Now, that's finished.
-Why can't we just get shot of them?
-Offload them onto someone else?
Can't do that. We owe it
to the other settlements.
But what happens to the people here,
the children,
if anything happens to you and Greg?
What happens if we're a soft touch
for every thug
with a hatchet or a shotgun?
I don't know.
But I do know that violence breeds
violence, it never solved anything.
Well, you just give us an alternative.
I don't care how you do it,
but get them out of there.
-It's Paul's house.
-Those two men have guns.
-CHARLES: So have we.
-But no ammunition.
They don't know that.
What's wrong with going down to the
canal tonight and taking all of theirs?
(RATTLING)
-What's up?
-Shh, I heard something.
-Rain.
-Sounded more like horse and cart.
-Where are you going?
-To get some insurance.
-What do you mean, insurance?
-Shut up and come on.
LEWIS: Wait!
-CHARLES: What's wrong?
-Let me do this.
-Do what?
-This is something that I should do.
Let's try the peaceful approach.
Let me be the mediator.
What is there to lose?
I'm no great shakes with the hoe,
I'm not an engineer
and I can't take an appendix out.
Maybe they'll trust me.
All right.
Well, anything's better than a gunfight.
-Sometimes.
-What can I tell them?
Tell them they can go on their way,
but without the waterbus.
You can tell them that there'll
be no lynch mobs or anything like it.
-I never thought there would be.
-Yeah, but they might.
Good point.
You can also tell them they can make
a start by throwing out their guns.
-'Cause we've got all their ammunition.
-Right.
Shouldn't you have
a white flag or something?
Won't this do?
-Good luck.
-Thank you.
KANE: That's close enough.
Well, my old friend the chaplain,
known to one and all as Holy Joe.
What is it, then?
Bit of communal hymn singing?
-I want you to throw down your guns.
-Oh, the man of peace.
"Who's for Jesus?"
That's what we used to say.
When you've done that,
you can go in peace.
Cut it out, will you?
-I can help you.
-Help?
All my life people have been helping me.
Schoolteachers, social workers,
magistrates, psycho-analogists,
probation officers, prison officers,
every sort of officer. You're a pain!
The whole lot of you, a pain!
Please, no harm will come to you.
I give you my word.
No, I'll tell you what you'll give me.
Two saddled horses
at the foot of this ladder, 10 minutes.
-No, I'm sorry.
-If not, the girl dies.
-Ten minutes. The boy, too.
-What girl? What boy?
-Lizzie and John.
-You're bluffing.
That leaves you nine minutes.
Do you want more proof?
Only a few seconds to spare, uncle.
Now go back.
Now, any tricks, you got
two dead kids on your hands.
Just do as they say, kids.
GRICE: Come on, come on.
Come on now. Come on.
Carry on.
Go on, get moving.
Come on, that's a boy.
What are they up to?
Grice is either bone tired or drunk.
-What about the kids?
-There's no sign of them.
Cover him up. We'll move him later.
What's that?
Wood alcohol.
I only hope they drank it.
-Les! Les!
-What?
-Are you all right?
-What do you mean?
How do you feel?
What do you think I mean?
-Now you ask, I feel lousy.
-Just describe it.
Oh, I don't know.
Like when I had sunstroke once.
Pull us into the side.
-Huh?
-Pull us in!
Whoa, whoa.
Les, look, I can't focus.
It's like a fog. I can't see you.
-You've banged your nut?
-I can't see, I'm going blind.
Take it easy.
(SLURRING) Get some water
on the back of your head.
All the nerve centres are
at the back of the head.
Any better?
Oh, oh, my God!
-Les, don't leave me!
-Damn kids.
No, never mind. Get me inside.
I'll feel better if I lie down.
-Come on.
-And get me some light!
-What happened?
-One man's sick.
-He says he's going blind.
-Blind?
-Have they been drinking?
-Yes.
-Out of a bottle?
-Yes.
Wood alcohol.
What happened?
How? What caused it?
Good old wood alcohol.
MINA: White berries. See?
And this unusual stem, with its roots
under the bark of another tree,
so it seems sort of hanging.
Now, does anybody know what it is?
Yes, John.
-It's mistletoe.
-Good boy.
The mistletoe seeds are carried
by a bird's beak.
When it cleans the beak,
the seeds get lodged inside the bark,
usually an apple or a poplar tree.
The mistletoe is
what we call a parasite.
What's a parasite?
A parasite is something or somebody
that lives off or preys on
-somebody or something else.
-JOHN: Is it poisonous?
-I beg your pardon?
-I said, was it poisonous?
Yes. It's poisonous.
Oh, well. Shall we stop now?
And later we can have a quiz
on all the other poisonous berries
and fruits. All right?
I love that hat.
JOHN: Should really be covered
in fishhooks.