Superstore (2015–…): Season 6, Episode 5 - Hair Care Products - full transcript
After Cloud 9 changes their policy of locking up Black beauty products, the employees are forced to reckon with systemic racism in the store, with Garrett leading the charge; Glenn desperately tries to right the store's wrongs.
So Glenn's still on self-quarantine
for another week,
but he wanted me to relay
that he misses you all
and he sends everyone
his biggest, warmest hug.
If anyone wants to
report that for harassment,
I encourage you to do so.
I'm assuming we're in health and beauty
because the raccoons
finally claimed the warehouse.
I like it here. It smells
like confident women.
We are here to right an injustice.
Effective immediately,
Cloud 9 will no longer
keep Black haircare
products in locked cases.
Wait, why are those locked up?
Can you huff them, or is it
more like a butt thing?
Oh, a butt thing?
No, I think it's because
they think Black people
are gonna steal them.
Yeah, we have to ask for the key.
It's like a walk of shame
every time you need argon oil.
Wait, seriously? That was store policy?
That you had to humiliate
yourself just to get
the... al... al... almond?
- The...
- What was it called?
The almond oil.
- Almond.
- That's so messed up.
Yup, that was pretty cool
of corporate to fix it.
Oh, yeah, it takes a lot of courage
to make a gesture this small
this late in the game.
Look, the important
thing is it ends today.
You know, I thought my
legacy as acting manager
was gonna be the new
forklift pallet clamp,
but turns out it's racial justice.
So... okay, Ken,
do you wanna do the honors?
Oh! Six-foot bubble, everybody.
And watch your fingers.
I just had these sharpened.
Ken, on the count of three,
you're gonna bolt cut us
into the 21st century.
Two, three.
Or, you know, since
we put the lock there,
maybe we have the key.
Less ceremonial, but fine.
Oh, that's my house key.
This one's Gram Gram's skate rink.
This is my Orangetheory locker.
Ah, yeah, key to the racist lock.
Whoo-hoo!
Wow, so this is what
equality feels like.
♪ Amazing ♪
- ♪ Grace ♪
- Okay.
- Mm-mm, no.
- ♪ How sweet ♪
Come on, everybody!
Pretty big day, huh?
Justice, one. Racism, zero.
I'm not sure that's the score.
You do realize the hair products thing
isn't the end of racism.
It's not even the end
of racism in the store.
Oh, is this because
Karen started here last week?
Because she's willing to go by Jill.
What... no. Don't you
think it's messed up
that we've never had
a Black district manager?
Or that the employee
handbook limits our hair length
to three inches... in diameter?
That basically means no afros.
I guess I just never thought
about any of this stuff.
I mean, you've never
brought it up before.
It's not my job to call out
every racist thing
I come up against.
It's my job to announce sales
and pretend not to notice when
people return used swimsuits.
Yeah, you know,
this is actually exactly
what we're talking about
in my anti-racism book club.
We have the luxury of not
having to think about racism
because it doesn't
directly affect our lives.
I would love to never hear
about that book club again,
but he's right.
Well, let's do something about it.
You're gonna hold a meeting,
and you're gonna compile a list
of all the racist stuff that
corporate needs to talk about.
- I'm gonna hold a meeting?
- Oh, right, sorry.
I forgot you don't like to lead.
You prefer to sit to the side
and make snarky comments
- like a balcony Muppet.
- Well, I could do it.
- No, no, no, I can do it.
- Yeah, no, of course.
You should. You totally...
That's a great idea.
I was just trying to help.
I... I promise I wasn't trying
to, like, lead or anything.
I should decenter myself
and start listening.
- You're still talking.
- Yeah, yeah, decentering, yup.
Okay, so I'll borrow
Eric's movie projector.
And we already have,
like, 10 camping chairs,
so that should be enough for everybody.
Ooh, this is gonna be so fun!
The last time I saw an outdoor movie,
I was on shrooms, and it turned out
to just be a Steak 'n Shake menu.
- Oh, my God.
- Hey, guys.
What's up?
Nothing.
Uh, we were just...
talk... talking about Europe
and how crazy it is
over there right now.
Politics.
- Well...
- Should we feel bad
for not inviting her?
Yeah, I guess?
I bet she just sits at home all day
running to the window
whenever she hears a car.
So... should we invite her?
Aw, that would be so nice of us.
- She'll probably cry.
- Totally.
It'll be like Christmas for her.
Hey.
Hey, Garrett. It's me, Glenn.
Yeah, I can see you.
So I heard about the
Black hair care products,
and I feel horrible.
I guess I just never paid
attention to those products
because most of
my Black friends are bald.
By most, do you mean me?
No, I have six others.
I don't know if they're drawn to me
or me to them, but...
Anyway, the point is I'm just so sorry.
And I wish there
was something I could do
to make it up to the Black employees.
Any ideas?
Uh, for how to apologize
to Black people?
- Mm-hmm.
- Glenn, look, I'm really busy.
- I got this meeting coming up...
- I just feel terrible!
You gotta help me make this right.
Oh, and for the record,
I am willing to take a knee anywhere.
- Thanks, Garrett.
- Yeah, bye.
Hey, Sandra. Guess what?
I don't like to guess anymore.
- My mind's too dirty.
- Oh!
Okay, we're hosting
an outdoor movie night
and we want you to come.
It's this Friday at 7:00.
Bring a camping chair and a blanket.
But not Jerry. We're
not running a charity.
Oh, um, thanks for the invite,
but I don't feel comfortable going.
Aw, because you're not used
to being invited to places?
No, it's just... I noticed
you guys are pretty caszh
with your COVID safety.
- What, us?
- What?
In your Instagram post,
you're not wearing your masks.
You just have the bandana
tied around your necks.
Yeah, so people can see our smiles.
They need them now more than ever.
Right, I just think
I'd be too anxious if I went,
but thanks for the invite.
- Is she saying we're not clean?
- I think so.
Should we start a rumor
that she has hepatitis?
No.
Not yet.
Uh, I think it's good
that the store has unlocked
the Black hair products,
but I thought we'd make a list
of the other issues
corporate needs to address.
You mean like how
we still sell products
with racist mascots?
Ooh, yes, that's a good one!
Write that one down.
Okay, that's a weird
energy to bring to this,
but okay.
How about some new options
in our vending machines?
There are three rows of
sour cream and onion chips,
and no jalapeño.
Okay, guys, so this list is
to come up with issues
that are affecting Black
customers and employees.
Well, that one affects me, my brother,
because I hate sour cream and onion.
Yeah, but that's more of a you thing,
not a Black thing.
I'm pretty sure that's a Black thing.
Uh, raise your hand if you are Black
and you like sour cream and onion?
- I like sour cream.
- That's not the question.
It has to be sour cream and onion.
Devil's combo.
Show of hands? Hands up?
Mm-hmm, yup.
- Prosecution rests.
- Okay, that doesn't prove...
Look, I don't know who's right on this,
but I think it might be easier
if you just wrote it down.
So we have two ideas
to send to corporate
a list of snacks
that the Black people
in this room don't like.
Every room, Garrett.
Okay, does anybody have
anything actually useful?
Uh, I... I think
it might be helpful if... oh, sorry.
Nia, did you want to say something?
- No?
- Are you sure?
Because I don't want
to make this about me
if you've got something.
I don't want to make it
about you either,
but I don't have anything.
Okay, uh... okay, so look.
I think it's great that we're trying
to fight these racist policies,
but I also think that
we should be pitching
actively anti-racist policies as well.
Yeah, like asking corporate to sell
more products from
Black-owned businesses.
I was just gonna say that!
Cool, let's all give credit
to Jonah for Janet's idea.
No, no. That's...
That's going on the list, Janet.
I think a lot of us wanna help,
but we just have blind spots
when it comes to this stuff.
I mean, when I was growing up,
we were told the goal
was to not see race.
Okay, see, I don't know who
started telling white people that.
I'm assuming it was other white people,
but you shouldn't ignore race.
You should be aware of how being Black
affects our daily lives.
Wait, you're Black?
I thought you were Dominican.
What? No.
You're not even a little Dominican?
- Like Puerto Rican?
- That's... not how it works.
But Garrett's right.
We're dealing with
micro aggressions all the time.
Yeah, like certain employees
always asking to touch my hair.
I'm not naming names, but if I were,
they'd be Isaac.
I'm sorry. Your hair looks fun.
- What?
- Dude.
- Really?
- Okay, fine.
Janet, your hair doesn't look fun.
Is that better?
It looks like a bad time.
No, her hair looks amazing.
How about Justine
trying to sound Blacker
when she talks to Black people?
Oh, that's how you gon' do me?
Uh, I've experienced
a ton of anti-Asian racism
since corona started.
Yeah, customers have said
some really terrible stuff to us.
I've been getting that too,
and I'm Hawaiian.
Well, you look Asian to white people,
so don't go thinking
you're cleaner than us.
Yeah, we're the cleanest people here.
I'm sick of everybody acting like
all Black people have it
worse than white people.
Like, look at Will Smith.
His life is way better than mine,
and our debut albums
came out the same year.
Isaac, I guarantee,
all things being equal,
racism is harder for Black
people than it is for you.
Go on, tell them about
how your life is harder
because you're Black.
Wait till you hear this.
I think it's gonna be pretty bad.
Wow, really? Um...
Uh, okay.
So a couple weeks ago,
I bought a Nintendo Switch.
A white dude follows me
through the parking lot
and goes, "You got a receipt for that?"
White dudes.
So this is the kind
of stuff we're working
to address with this list.
Uh-uh, forget the list.
We can get back to the list.
The personal stories
are breaking through.
Give us another one.
So you just want me
to tell more stories about
messed up stuff that happened
to me 'cause I'm Black?
Exactly. Hit us with a big one!
Fine, okay.
Racist story time.
Gather around, everybody.
Oh, whoa! No, no, no!
Don't actually scoot in.
Man, I just wanted to change
a couple racist policies.
I didn't sign up to teach a
bunch of grown ass white people
- about racism.
- Seriously.
It's like, come on, folks.
We're living in a
golden age of podcasts.
Hey, you left the list
in the warehouse.
Oh, okay. Yeah, thanks.
But, uh, I'm not doing this anymore.
Oh. Okay.
Look, it's pointless, all right?
You're new here, so you don't get it,
but to change anything
around here is a lost cause.
I mean, just look at Jonah.
He tried to start a union.
He ended up throwing away
a whole year of his life.
Well, I did learn some things.
But, uh, yeah...
no, yeah, it's... it was...
- I wasted that year.
- I don't know.
I mean, it seems like things
are actually gaining some momentum.
Might as well try to change
some of that stuff, right?
Be my guest.
Okay, so once again,
Black women are the ones
everybody expects
to drive social change.
So true.
Okay, fine. I will do
the rest of the list.
Cool.
Did you have to snap?
In the moment,
it felt wrong not to snap.
Have a heavenly day.
For your information, Sandra,
Cheyenne and I are very clean.
Yeah, I shower after every poo.
And this movie night is gonna
be just as hygienic as we are.
All the chairs are
gonna be six feet apart
and we're gonna have
a bunch of hand sanitizer.
Cool. Well, let me know how it goes.
And, uh, we are going to be
checking people's temperatures
every 10 minutes.
Mm-hmm, and we're
gonna be digging a hole
for everyone to sit in
so the germs don't get out.
What do you say?
Should we save you a... a hole?
Look, it's nothing personal.
People just have
different comfort levels
around this stuff,
but you guys have fun.
Rude.
I know. She's the worst.
She's coming to this [bleep] movie.
And how can we pull out all sorts of
decorations for Saint Patrick's Day,
and we don't do anything
for Juneteenth?
Leprechauns were never slaves.
Mm-hmm, except to their own greed.
Yo, we gotta put MC
Cool Cloud on the list, right?
I mean, that's clearly appropriation.
I don't know.
I don't think he's trying to act Black.
I just think he is Black.
- But it's a white cloud.
- So what?
White clouds can't be Black?
Black people can't be clouds?
Dude, he was created
by a group of white executives
who are clearly
obsessed with LL Cool J.
I'm sick of looking at it.
It's going on the list.
Hey, sorry.
Uh, Glenn wants to talk to you.
Hey, Garrett!
You weren't picking up your phone,
so Jonah helped Demetrius
and me track you down.
I'm Demetrius. I'd shake your hand,
but there's a virus going around.
Yeah, I heard about that.
What's going on?
Well, you never got back to me
with your apology ideas,
so I decided to buy pizzas
for all the Black employees.
Did you know that
this was what this was about?
In my heart, I feel like I might have.
So... as reparations
for the hair care products,
you got us pizza?
Mm-hmm.
Hey, pizza's better than nothing.
- Mm-hmm.
- What?
And Garrett, you're pizza deputy,
so make sure that every Black employee
gets some pizza.
And if there are any borderline calls,
well, you get final say.
Uh, Glenn, I can't do this.
Look, you're having pizza. I insist.
So start rounding up the Black people.
Oh, I mean... uh, just send them a text!
What's good, y'all?
It's your boy, Kenan Bravo.
I'm just over here
having a little work pizza.
Make that free work pizza!
And here's the guy we have to thank.
The MLK of the PZA.
No, no, not thanks to me.
I don't want any part of this.
Don't want any pizza.
Okayzzles, more pizza for me, then.
Hashtag "boom."
Hashtag "pizza for life."
Hashtag "in crust, we trust."
Forced pizza party. Going on the list.
I don't know, even
with the word "forced,"
pizza party only ever sounds awesome.
- I know.
- Hey, Garrett.
Me and, um, some of the others
were wondering
if we could get in on this pizza party.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
- It's, uh...
- I know.
It's a Black thing.
But you don't know what's
it like for guys like me.
Like when I'm mowing my own lawn,
people think I'm the gardener.
I mean, they don't say,
"Hey, gardener,"
but I know they're thinking it.
You know what? Go ahead.
- Go ahead.
- Thank you.
- Sarah, you're up.
- Sarah?
So when I was eight,
all the white kids came up with a chant
that went, "Sarah,
Sarah, you're so brown..."
Okay, okay, I don't wanna be
the racism pizza judge.
Just go ahead. Have some pizza.
- What about me?
- Oh, yeah.
You're good. You're good.
I hear the pizza's from Polini's.
Oh, man, that place is legit.
That where my parents took me
to tell me about their divorce.
Oh, hey, guys. Sorry.
The pizza's actually just
for our employees of color.
The break room is kind of a safe space
- for historically marginalized...
- No whites allowed!
Beat it!
So unfair.
I wonder if that was
the best way to say that.
I think I nailed it.
I just don't understand
why she wouldn't even, like...
I know.
I know. What... oh.
Oh!
Just keeping everything sterile!
I'm, like, so OCD about this stuff.
Oh, is that bug spray?
Yes!
It is.
A virus is a bug, Sandra.
Just cleaning my hands. Like always.
Guys, I know what
you're doing, but it's okay.
- I'm not judging you...
- Okay, let's cut the crap.
Are you not coming because of Cheyenne?
- What?
- You think she's dirty
because she's married to Bo and
they live in that filthy house?
You know, Bo's not dirty.
Ringworm runs in his family!
Well, then it's a dirty family!
It's a genetic condition.
A condition called
not washing his body.
Oh, my God, you clearly don't
know anything about ringworm.
Ignorant... ow!
Where do you think ringworm comes from?
I got sanitizer in my eye.
It burns!
I love how pizza is, like, the bread.
And then, the sauce.
And then, like, the cheese
puts it all together.
Yeah, mmm.
Is this your first time having pizza?
Shh, there's girls here.
There they are!
Thanks, Demetrius!
Yo, Jonah stopped
answering his phone too.
So Garrett.
How are those pizzas?
Are you enjoying them
and feeling appreciated?
People seem to like them,
but I think we're good on pizza, Glenn.
Yeah, well, it just...
Some of the white employees were upset
that they didn't get any
pizza, and, you know,
the point of all this was
to make everyone happy, so...
I thought the point of
this was to apologize
to the Black employees.
Either they're
reparations, or they're not.
Okay, well, can't you
think of it like this?
Like, for you, the pizzas
are reparations for racism.
And for the white employees,
they're reparations
for not getting pizza.
Okay, so it's an all
lives matter pizza party?
Fine, great. Okay, that's perfect.
Attention, all Cloud 9
employees in all departments.
Please report to the
break room for pizza
because apparently,
now everyone gets pizza.
Never mind that the basic
infrastructure of this country
makes it so that one group of people
gets way more pizza than others!
Or that some of us spent over 400 years
forcibly making pizza for white people!
This isn't about pizza, is it?
No, I don't think so.
Yes! I love pizza.
I am so sorry. I biffed up hard.
But I just really need you to know
that I'm not a racist.
Look, Glenn, I don't think
you're racist, okay?
You're just really horrible
at this kind of stuff.
You're right. And I...
The user is out of minutes.
He doesn't know.
Look, I'm sorry about him, okay?
Just save all this pizza stuff
for your next racist story time.
There's not gonna be
another racist story time.
There shouldn't have been a first one.
You're just as bad as Glenn.
I pointed out a few problems
I had with the store,
and you have me making a whole
list and doing a TED Talk?
I mean, hell, Jonah's been
weird and annoying all day,
but at least he's tried to help out
without putting the burden on me.
Oh, wow. Yeah... thanks.
Decentering takes a little practice,
but I think I'm getting better at it.
You know, I just have a tendency to...
make things about myself.
Look, don't bother with the list, okay?
- I'll take care of it.
- I already did it.
Oh, well, I'll send this
to the DM as soon as possible.
Then, hopefully she'll send it on
to the regional manager
for him to review.
And then, he'll send it
to the diversity liaison.
And then, she's gonna have
to send it on to her VP.
All told, we should get
an answer in, you know...
- three to five weeks.
- Weeks?
Look, I know it sucks.
I built a canoe in less time.
But it's a step in the right direction.
I guess.
Oh, good.
- She's still here.
- Okay.
Here! In your face!
Our corona tests came back negative.
And they said that's a good thing.
When did you guys take these?
We called out early and drove
to the rapid test center in Illinois.
Wow, well, congrats on your
clean bill of health, guys.
Ah-ah-ah.
So we will see you
at movie night, right?
Oh, well, you guys are safe,
but won't there be other people there?
Yeah, but, I mean,
we can uninvite them.
It can just be us.
What movie were you gonna see?
"Hereditary."
Ooh, that's too scary for me.
We can watch something else!
Your choice.
Well, I've been meaning to see if
"Herbie: Fully Loaded"
lives up to the hype.
Done. We'll see you there.
Sure!
Oh, yes! I knew we'd get her.
Nice, so it's just gonna be
me, you, Sandra
outside your apartment watching
"Herbie: Fully Loaded."
Yeah.
Oh, shoot! I forgot.
I have something on Friday.
Cheyenne.
Cheyenne!
Maybe you could give me a list of slang
- that's off-limits.
- All of it.
Hey, man. We heard your announcement.
You seemed pretty beefed.
And you had every right to be.
I mean, from one pizza slut
to another, I totally get it.
We got you these.
Ten pizzas.
Well, there aren't enough
pizzas in the whole world
to show you how sorry we are.
Hey!
Why was this in the box crusher?
'Cause it's racist and
I was tired of looking at it.
And I wasn't gonna wait
three to five weeks
for someone else to come fix it.
Got it.
Nope. Wrong.
Yeah, Garrett!
Sí, se puede.
Not Dominican, man.
He didn't even take the pizzas.
You know what?
You guys just don't get it, okay?
Today was a perfect example
of the kind of racism
that people of color
have to deal with on a daily basis
and how we need to stop pretending
that white privilege
doesn't benefit us.
Today was never about the pizzas.
It...
Okay, so it's still
not about the pizzas,
but he would like me
to grab the pizzas, so...
If you could just... under my chin.
Yeah, yeah. All right, okay.
Seriously! Do the work!
for another week,
but he wanted me to relay
that he misses you all
and he sends everyone
his biggest, warmest hug.
If anyone wants to
report that for harassment,
I encourage you to do so.
I'm assuming we're in health and beauty
because the raccoons
finally claimed the warehouse.
I like it here. It smells
like confident women.
We are here to right an injustice.
Effective immediately,
Cloud 9 will no longer
keep Black haircare
products in locked cases.
Wait, why are those locked up?
Can you huff them, or is it
more like a butt thing?
Oh, a butt thing?
No, I think it's because
they think Black people
are gonna steal them.
Yeah, we have to ask for the key.
It's like a walk of shame
every time you need argon oil.
Wait, seriously? That was store policy?
That you had to humiliate
yourself just to get
the... al... al... almond?
- The...
- What was it called?
The almond oil.
- Almond.
- That's so messed up.
Yup, that was pretty cool
of corporate to fix it.
Oh, yeah, it takes a lot of courage
to make a gesture this small
this late in the game.
Look, the important
thing is it ends today.
You know, I thought my
legacy as acting manager
was gonna be the new
forklift pallet clamp,
but turns out it's racial justice.
So... okay, Ken,
do you wanna do the honors?
Oh! Six-foot bubble, everybody.
And watch your fingers.
I just had these sharpened.
Ken, on the count of three,
you're gonna bolt cut us
into the 21st century.
Two, three.
Or, you know, since
we put the lock there,
maybe we have the key.
Less ceremonial, but fine.
Oh, that's my house key.
This one's Gram Gram's skate rink.
This is my Orangetheory locker.
Ah, yeah, key to the racist lock.
Whoo-hoo!
Wow, so this is what
equality feels like.
♪ Amazing ♪
- ♪ Grace ♪
- Okay.
- Mm-mm, no.
- ♪ How sweet ♪
Come on, everybody!
Pretty big day, huh?
Justice, one. Racism, zero.
I'm not sure that's the score.
You do realize the hair products thing
isn't the end of racism.
It's not even the end
of racism in the store.
Oh, is this because
Karen started here last week?
Because she's willing to go by Jill.
What... no. Don't you
think it's messed up
that we've never had
a Black district manager?
Or that the employee
handbook limits our hair length
to three inches... in diameter?
That basically means no afros.
I guess I just never thought
about any of this stuff.
I mean, you've never
brought it up before.
It's not my job to call out
every racist thing
I come up against.
It's my job to announce sales
and pretend not to notice when
people return used swimsuits.
Yeah, you know,
this is actually exactly
what we're talking about
in my anti-racism book club.
We have the luxury of not
having to think about racism
because it doesn't
directly affect our lives.
I would love to never hear
about that book club again,
but he's right.
Well, let's do something about it.
You're gonna hold a meeting,
and you're gonna compile a list
of all the racist stuff that
corporate needs to talk about.
- I'm gonna hold a meeting?
- Oh, right, sorry.
I forgot you don't like to lead.
You prefer to sit to the side
and make snarky comments
- like a balcony Muppet.
- Well, I could do it.
- No, no, no, I can do it.
- Yeah, no, of course.
You should. You totally...
That's a great idea.
I was just trying to help.
I... I promise I wasn't trying
to, like, lead or anything.
I should decenter myself
and start listening.
- You're still talking.
- Yeah, yeah, decentering, yup.
Okay, so I'll borrow
Eric's movie projector.
And we already have,
like, 10 camping chairs,
so that should be enough for everybody.
Ooh, this is gonna be so fun!
The last time I saw an outdoor movie,
I was on shrooms, and it turned out
to just be a Steak 'n Shake menu.
- Oh, my God.
- Hey, guys.
What's up?
Nothing.
Uh, we were just...
talk... talking about Europe
and how crazy it is
over there right now.
Politics.
- Well...
- Should we feel bad
for not inviting her?
Yeah, I guess?
I bet she just sits at home all day
running to the window
whenever she hears a car.
So... should we invite her?
Aw, that would be so nice of us.
- She'll probably cry.
- Totally.
It'll be like Christmas for her.
Hey.
Hey, Garrett. It's me, Glenn.
Yeah, I can see you.
So I heard about the
Black hair care products,
and I feel horrible.
I guess I just never paid
attention to those products
because most of
my Black friends are bald.
By most, do you mean me?
No, I have six others.
I don't know if they're drawn to me
or me to them, but...
Anyway, the point is I'm just so sorry.
And I wish there
was something I could do
to make it up to the Black employees.
Any ideas?
Uh, for how to apologize
to Black people?
- Mm-hmm.
- Glenn, look, I'm really busy.
- I got this meeting coming up...
- I just feel terrible!
You gotta help me make this right.
Oh, and for the record,
I am willing to take a knee anywhere.
- Thanks, Garrett.
- Yeah, bye.
Hey, Sandra. Guess what?
I don't like to guess anymore.
- My mind's too dirty.
- Oh!
Okay, we're hosting
an outdoor movie night
and we want you to come.
It's this Friday at 7:00.
Bring a camping chair and a blanket.
But not Jerry. We're
not running a charity.
Oh, um, thanks for the invite,
but I don't feel comfortable going.
Aw, because you're not used
to being invited to places?
No, it's just... I noticed
you guys are pretty caszh
with your COVID safety.
- What, us?
- What?
In your Instagram post,
you're not wearing your masks.
You just have the bandana
tied around your necks.
Yeah, so people can see our smiles.
They need them now more than ever.
Right, I just think
I'd be too anxious if I went,
but thanks for the invite.
- Is she saying we're not clean?
- I think so.
Should we start a rumor
that she has hepatitis?
No.
Not yet.
Uh, I think it's good
that the store has unlocked
the Black hair products,
but I thought we'd make a list
of the other issues
corporate needs to address.
You mean like how
we still sell products
with racist mascots?
Ooh, yes, that's a good one!
Write that one down.
Okay, that's a weird
energy to bring to this,
but okay.
How about some new options
in our vending machines?
There are three rows of
sour cream and onion chips,
and no jalapeño.
Okay, guys, so this list is
to come up with issues
that are affecting Black
customers and employees.
Well, that one affects me, my brother,
because I hate sour cream and onion.
Yeah, but that's more of a you thing,
not a Black thing.
I'm pretty sure that's a Black thing.
Uh, raise your hand if you are Black
and you like sour cream and onion?
- I like sour cream.
- That's not the question.
It has to be sour cream and onion.
Devil's combo.
Show of hands? Hands up?
Mm-hmm, yup.
- Prosecution rests.
- Okay, that doesn't prove...
Look, I don't know who's right on this,
but I think it might be easier
if you just wrote it down.
So we have two ideas
to send to corporate
a list of snacks
that the Black people
in this room don't like.
Every room, Garrett.
Okay, does anybody have
anything actually useful?
Uh, I... I think
it might be helpful if... oh, sorry.
Nia, did you want to say something?
- No?
- Are you sure?
Because I don't want
to make this about me
if you've got something.
I don't want to make it
about you either,
but I don't have anything.
Okay, uh... okay, so look.
I think it's great that we're trying
to fight these racist policies,
but I also think that
we should be pitching
actively anti-racist policies as well.
Yeah, like asking corporate to sell
more products from
Black-owned businesses.
I was just gonna say that!
Cool, let's all give credit
to Jonah for Janet's idea.
No, no. That's...
That's going on the list, Janet.
I think a lot of us wanna help,
but we just have blind spots
when it comes to this stuff.
I mean, when I was growing up,
we were told the goal
was to not see race.
Okay, see, I don't know who
started telling white people that.
I'm assuming it was other white people,
but you shouldn't ignore race.
You should be aware of how being Black
affects our daily lives.
Wait, you're Black?
I thought you were Dominican.
What? No.
You're not even a little Dominican?
- Like Puerto Rican?
- That's... not how it works.
But Garrett's right.
We're dealing with
micro aggressions all the time.
Yeah, like certain employees
always asking to touch my hair.
I'm not naming names, but if I were,
they'd be Isaac.
I'm sorry. Your hair looks fun.
- What?
- Dude.
- Really?
- Okay, fine.
Janet, your hair doesn't look fun.
Is that better?
It looks like a bad time.
No, her hair looks amazing.
How about Justine
trying to sound Blacker
when she talks to Black people?
Oh, that's how you gon' do me?
Uh, I've experienced
a ton of anti-Asian racism
since corona started.
Yeah, customers have said
some really terrible stuff to us.
I've been getting that too,
and I'm Hawaiian.
Well, you look Asian to white people,
so don't go thinking
you're cleaner than us.
Yeah, we're the cleanest people here.
I'm sick of everybody acting like
all Black people have it
worse than white people.
Like, look at Will Smith.
His life is way better than mine,
and our debut albums
came out the same year.
Isaac, I guarantee,
all things being equal,
racism is harder for Black
people than it is for you.
Go on, tell them about
how your life is harder
because you're Black.
Wait till you hear this.
I think it's gonna be pretty bad.
Wow, really? Um...
Uh, okay.
So a couple weeks ago,
I bought a Nintendo Switch.
A white dude follows me
through the parking lot
and goes, "You got a receipt for that?"
White dudes.
So this is the kind
of stuff we're working
to address with this list.
Uh-uh, forget the list.
We can get back to the list.
The personal stories
are breaking through.
Give us another one.
So you just want me
to tell more stories about
messed up stuff that happened
to me 'cause I'm Black?
Exactly. Hit us with a big one!
Fine, okay.
Racist story time.
Gather around, everybody.
Oh, whoa! No, no, no!
Don't actually scoot in.
Man, I just wanted to change
a couple racist policies.
I didn't sign up to teach a
bunch of grown ass white people
- about racism.
- Seriously.
It's like, come on, folks.
We're living in a
golden age of podcasts.
Hey, you left the list
in the warehouse.
Oh, okay. Yeah, thanks.
But, uh, I'm not doing this anymore.
Oh. Okay.
Look, it's pointless, all right?
You're new here, so you don't get it,
but to change anything
around here is a lost cause.
I mean, just look at Jonah.
He tried to start a union.
He ended up throwing away
a whole year of his life.
Well, I did learn some things.
But, uh, yeah...
no, yeah, it's... it was...
- I wasted that year.
- I don't know.
I mean, it seems like things
are actually gaining some momentum.
Might as well try to change
some of that stuff, right?
Be my guest.
Okay, so once again,
Black women are the ones
everybody expects
to drive social change.
So true.
Okay, fine. I will do
the rest of the list.
Cool.
Did you have to snap?
In the moment,
it felt wrong not to snap.
Have a heavenly day.
For your information, Sandra,
Cheyenne and I are very clean.
Yeah, I shower after every poo.
And this movie night is gonna
be just as hygienic as we are.
All the chairs are
gonna be six feet apart
and we're gonna have
a bunch of hand sanitizer.
Cool. Well, let me know how it goes.
And, uh, we are going to be
checking people's temperatures
every 10 minutes.
Mm-hmm, and we're
gonna be digging a hole
for everyone to sit in
so the germs don't get out.
What do you say?
Should we save you a... a hole?
Look, it's nothing personal.
People just have
different comfort levels
around this stuff,
but you guys have fun.
Rude.
I know. She's the worst.
She's coming to this [bleep] movie.
And how can we pull out all sorts of
decorations for Saint Patrick's Day,
and we don't do anything
for Juneteenth?
Leprechauns were never slaves.
Mm-hmm, except to their own greed.
Yo, we gotta put MC
Cool Cloud on the list, right?
I mean, that's clearly appropriation.
I don't know.
I don't think he's trying to act Black.
I just think he is Black.
- But it's a white cloud.
- So what?
White clouds can't be Black?
Black people can't be clouds?
Dude, he was created
by a group of white executives
who are clearly
obsessed with LL Cool J.
I'm sick of looking at it.
It's going on the list.
Hey, sorry.
Uh, Glenn wants to talk to you.
Hey, Garrett!
You weren't picking up your phone,
so Jonah helped Demetrius
and me track you down.
I'm Demetrius. I'd shake your hand,
but there's a virus going around.
Yeah, I heard about that.
What's going on?
Well, you never got back to me
with your apology ideas,
so I decided to buy pizzas
for all the Black employees.
Did you know that
this was what this was about?
In my heart, I feel like I might have.
So... as reparations
for the hair care products,
you got us pizza?
Mm-hmm.
Hey, pizza's better than nothing.
- Mm-hmm.
- What?
And Garrett, you're pizza deputy,
so make sure that every Black employee
gets some pizza.
And if there are any borderline calls,
well, you get final say.
Uh, Glenn, I can't do this.
Look, you're having pizza. I insist.
So start rounding up the Black people.
Oh, I mean... uh, just send them a text!
What's good, y'all?
It's your boy, Kenan Bravo.
I'm just over here
having a little work pizza.
Make that free work pizza!
And here's the guy we have to thank.
The MLK of the PZA.
No, no, not thanks to me.
I don't want any part of this.
Don't want any pizza.
Okayzzles, more pizza for me, then.
Hashtag "boom."
Hashtag "pizza for life."
Hashtag "in crust, we trust."
Forced pizza party. Going on the list.
I don't know, even
with the word "forced,"
pizza party only ever sounds awesome.
- I know.
- Hey, Garrett.
Me and, um, some of the others
were wondering
if we could get in on this pizza party.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
- It's, uh...
- I know.
It's a Black thing.
But you don't know what's
it like for guys like me.
Like when I'm mowing my own lawn,
people think I'm the gardener.
I mean, they don't say,
"Hey, gardener,"
but I know they're thinking it.
You know what? Go ahead.
- Go ahead.
- Thank you.
- Sarah, you're up.
- Sarah?
So when I was eight,
all the white kids came up with a chant
that went, "Sarah,
Sarah, you're so brown..."
Okay, okay, I don't wanna be
the racism pizza judge.
Just go ahead. Have some pizza.
- What about me?
- Oh, yeah.
You're good. You're good.
I hear the pizza's from Polini's.
Oh, man, that place is legit.
That where my parents took me
to tell me about their divorce.
Oh, hey, guys. Sorry.
The pizza's actually just
for our employees of color.
The break room is kind of a safe space
- for historically marginalized...
- No whites allowed!
Beat it!
So unfair.
I wonder if that was
the best way to say that.
I think I nailed it.
I just don't understand
why she wouldn't even, like...
I know.
I know. What... oh.
Oh!
Just keeping everything sterile!
I'm, like, so OCD about this stuff.
Oh, is that bug spray?
Yes!
It is.
A virus is a bug, Sandra.
Just cleaning my hands. Like always.
Guys, I know what
you're doing, but it's okay.
- I'm not judging you...
- Okay, let's cut the crap.
Are you not coming because of Cheyenne?
- What?
- You think she's dirty
because she's married to Bo and
they live in that filthy house?
You know, Bo's not dirty.
Ringworm runs in his family!
Well, then it's a dirty family!
It's a genetic condition.
A condition called
not washing his body.
Oh, my God, you clearly don't
know anything about ringworm.
Ignorant... ow!
Where do you think ringworm comes from?
I got sanitizer in my eye.
It burns!
I love how pizza is, like, the bread.
And then, the sauce.
And then, like, the cheese
puts it all together.
Yeah, mmm.
Is this your first time having pizza?
Shh, there's girls here.
There they are!
Thanks, Demetrius!
Yo, Jonah stopped
answering his phone too.
So Garrett.
How are those pizzas?
Are you enjoying them
and feeling appreciated?
People seem to like them,
but I think we're good on pizza, Glenn.
Yeah, well, it just...
Some of the white employees were upset
that they didn't get any
pizza, and, you know,
the point of all this was
to make everyone happy, so...
I thought the point of
this was to apologize
to the Black employees.
Either they're
reparations, or they're not.
Okay, well, can't you
think of it like this?
Like, for you, the pizzas
are reparations for racism.
And for the white employees,
they're reparations
for not getting pizza.
Okay, so it's an all
lives matter pizza party?
Fine, great. Okay, that's perfect.
Attention, all Cloud 9
employees in all departments.
Please report to the
break room for pizza
because apparently,
now everyone gets pizza.
Never mind that the basic
infrastructure of this country
makes it so that one group of people
gets way more pizza than others!
Or that some of us spent over 400 years
forcibly making pizza for white people!
This isn't about pizza, is it?
No, I don't think so.
Yes! I love pizza.
I am so sorry. I biffed up hard.
But I just really need you to know
that I'm not a racist.
Look, Glenn, I don't think
you're racist, okay?
You're just really horrible
at this kind of stuff.
You're right. And I...
The user is out of minutes.
He doesn't know.
Look, I'm sorry about him, okay?
Just save all this pizza stuff
for your next racist story time.
There's not gonna be
another racist story time.
There shouldn't have been a first one.
You're just as bad as Glenn.
I pointed out a few problems
I had with the store,
and you have me making a whole
list and doing a TED Talk?
I mean, hell, Jonah's been
weird and annoying all day,
but at least he's tried to help out
without putting the burden on me.
Oh, wow. Yeah... thanks.
Decentering takes a little practice,
but I think I'm getting better at it.
You know, I just have a tendency to...
make things about myself.
Look, don't bother with the list, okay?
- I'll take care of it.
- I already did it.
Oh, well, I'll send this
to the DM as soon as possible.
Then, hopefully she'll send it on
to the regional manager
for him to review.
And then, he'll send it
to the diversity liaison.
And then, she's gonna have
to send it on to her VP.
All told, we should get
an answer in, you know...
- three to five weeks.
- Weeks?
Look, I know it sucks.
I built a canoe in less time.
But it's a step in the right direction.
I guess.
Oh, good.
- She's still here.
- Okay.
Here! In your face!
Our corona tests came back negative.
And they said that's a good thing.
When did you guys take these?
We called out early and drove
to the rapid test center in Illinois.
Wow, well, congrats on your
clean bill of health, guys.
Ah-ah-ah.
So we will see you
at movie night, right?
Oh, well, you guys are safe,
but won't there be other people there?
Yeah, but, I mean,
we can uninvite them.
It can just be us.
What movie were you gonna see?
"Hereditary."
Ooh, that's too scary for me.
We can watch something else!
Your choice.
Well, I've been meaning to see if
"Herbie: Fully Loaded"
lives up to the hype.
Done. We'll see you there.
Sure!
Oh, yes! I knew we'd get her.
Nice, so it's just gonna be
me, you, Sandra
outside your apartment watching
"Herbie: Fully Loaded."
Yeah.
Oh, shoot! I forgot.
I have something on Friday.
Cheyenne.
Cheyenne!
Maybe you could give me a list of slang
- that's off-limits.
- All of it.
Hey, man. We heard your announcement.
You seemed pretty beefed.
And you had every right to be.
I mean, from one pizza slut
to another, I totally get it.
We got you these.
Ten pizzas.
Well, there aren't enough
pizzas in the whole world
to show you how sorry we are.
Hey!
Why was this in the box crusher?
'Cause it's racist and
I was tired of looking at it.
And I wasn't gonna wait
three to five weeks
for someone else to come fix it.
Got it.
Nope. Wrong.
Yeah, Garrett!
Sí, se puede.
Not Dominican, man.
He didn't even take the pizzas.
You know what?
You guys just don't get it, okay?
Today was a perfect example
of the kind of racism
that people of color
have to deal with on a daily basis
and how we need to stop pretending
that white privilege
doesn't benefit us.
Today was never about the pizzas.
It...
Okay, so it's still
not about the pizzas,
but he would like me
to grab the pizzas, so...
If you could just... under my chin.
Yeah, yeah. All right, okay.
Seriously! Do the work!