Superstore (2015–…): Season 6, Episode 4 - Prize Wheel - full transcript

‐ Okay, Glenn texted that he's
"rubbing a little latte,"

which is either
an autocorrect issue

or a new fetish
I don't wanna know about,

so let's just dive in.

In‐person shopping has taken
a real kick in the nuts

because of COVID, so Cloud 9
is trying to lure customers

back in here by doing something

they're calling
the In‐store‐vaganza

Wait, did I‐‐
did I read that right?

‐ Yeah, you did.
It's just terrible.

‐ So Cloud 9 just thinks
that that pandemic is over?



Because I'm pretty sure
nobody told the pandemic that.

‐ You gotta look at it
from corporate's perspective.

They love money,
and they don't care if we die.

‐ Ah, yeah, that makes sense.

‐ Okay, this event
is pretty straightforward.

With every purchase,
they spin the wheel

and win a prize.

You'll notice there's a slot
listed as "fun."

I think you're supposed
to provide the customer

with fun at your own discretion.

Just, you know,
keep it above the belt.

‐ What happens if they land
on the MC Cool Cloud?

‐ This waking nightmare happens.

‐ An MC Cool Cloud
collectable bobbling figure.



Legally, we can't
call it a bobblehead

as his entire body
does the bobbling.

‐ I always thought
the cloud was his head

and he had no body.

‐ No, he's all body.

‐ So he has eyes
in the middle of his chest.

‐ That's better than arms

growing out of the sides
of his head.

‐ Oh, like hell it is.

‐ Hey, guys, sorry I'm late,
but to kick things off,

I brought donuts.
‐ Mmm.

‐ You know, help us get into
the in‐store‐vajanza spirit.

‐ Oh, please, Glenn, hard G.

‐ Gosh, it's just so nice
to be doing something positive

with all the bad news
out there in the world.

Like this morning, I found out

that Bev from my church
has COVID.

‐ Oh, no.
‐ Oh.

‐ She seemed fine
at choir practice last night.

I mean, she coughed
a couple of times,

but I thought that
was from the high note.

‐ No, Glenn, Glenn,
you need to leave now

and isolate
until you can get tested.

‐ But I'll miss the event.

‐ Glenn, I got this.
You gotta go.

‐ Are you sure?
‐ Yes, we're sure. Go!

‐ Glenn.
‐ [sighs]

Okay, let me just spin it
one time before‐‐

all: No!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

‐ I've scheduled everyone
an hour on the wheel‐‐

well, half an hour
for the real uggos.

We're trying to bring people
into the store.

‐ Why are we walking so fast?
‐ I'm literally winded.

‐ Cheyenne, you're still
gonna have to stay

on top of deliveries.
Produce comes at 11:00.

Bananas sit on that truck
five minutes too long,

you're taking a trip
to bruise town.

‐ You mean the bananas or me?
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Dina, you have Justine and me
at the same register,

but lady is on
my last nerve today.

Can you please
switch me anywhere?

‐ Here's what we're gonna do.

You're gonna go back
and work on that register

with Justine, and you're not
gonna complain about it,

because that's
what you were hired to do.

I mean, unless‐‐
were you hired to complain?

Is that your job?
‐ No.

‐ Didn't think so.
Have fun.

‐ [chuckles] ‐ What?

‐ Me?
Nothing.

I think Cheyenne thought
you were being too harsh, but‐‐

‐ I did, but don't say that.

‐ I'm not being harsh.
I'm being firm.

Look, I get that Glenn
likes to coddle everyone,

but it is my store today,
so while I have the chance,

I am going to do
everything the right way.

‐ Mm, yeah, pressure's
kind of on, huh?

‐ What's that supposed to mean?

‐ Just, like, you know,
after all the smack

you've talked about Glenn,
people kind of expect you

to kill it right out the gate.

‐ Not a problem for me.

I'm gonna turn this place
into the most efficient machine

you have ever seen.

Yes, even more efficient

than United Alloy's
aluminum extrusion press.

[chuckles]
God.

‐ Oh, we've done
10,000 steps already.

‐ Oh, my God, what's the max?

‐ There's no‐‐
you just keep on walking.

‐ Like, unlimited?

[phone ringing]

‐ Glenn?

‐ Yeah, hey, Sandra,
to your left!

Hi, yeah, I can't go home yet

'cause Jerusha's
still setting up the garage

for me to quarantine in.

She's gonna put me
between the paint cans

and the blow‐up angels.

‐ Oh, okay, that's nice.

‐ Yeah, so listen, you've got
to tell me about the wheel.

Did it do that thing
where it looks as though

it's gonna land
on a really good prize,

but then it lands on,
like, a less good prize?

Did it do that?

‐ I haven't seen it personally,

but I've heard
that has happened.

‐ Really?
What a rush.

Hey, what if you
kept me on the phone?

That way I could hear how
the event was going firsthand,

and besides, you know,
the more I talk,

the less likely I am
to dig into these 72 donuts.

‐ Oh, sure, Glenn.
I'll stay on.

‐ Oh, great.

Sandra, it's actually
71 1/2 donuts.

I'm sorry.

‐ All right,
go claim your prize,

and I will disinfect this again.

Oh, hey, Cheyenne,
is it cool if I take off

for a few minutes around 3:00?

‐ Uh, yeah, sure.
Why are you asking me?

‐ Because you're
floor supervisor now.

‐ Oh, yeah, duh, I forgot.
Yeah, that's fine.

‐ Great, awesome, thanks.

My dad keeps pushing me

to interview
with this friend of his.

He's got, like, an opening at
a roofing company or whatever.

‐ Oh, I might have to get
the name from you.

We need some work on our roof.

Bo tried to cut out
our own skylight,

and it is messed.

‐ Wait, you're looking
for a new job?

‐ No, no, no, no, no.

It's not like I'm, like,
dying to work in roofing.

I just gotta
get my dad off my back.

He keeps telling me
I have to move on.

He also keeps telling me
I have to watch

the show "Yellowstone,"
but it looks really violent.

‐ Jonah, Garrett, some customers

have been complaining
about a weird smell.

‐ Oh, yeah, it's, like,
our worst smell yet.

It's like two moldy sponges
puked on each other.

‐ Wow, that's‐‐
that's exactly what it is.

‐ Okay, I'm manager today,
so if they smelt it,

it's as though I dealt it.

I need you two to locate this
and eliminate it.

‐ So just to be clear,
this is cooler than roofing?

‐ Hmm.

[Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me
Round (Like a Record)"]

‐ ♪ All I know is that to me ♪

♪ You look like
you're lots of fun ♪

♪ Open up your lovin' arms ♪

♪ I want some‐‐ ♪

‐ Marcus, why is this here?

The prize bin is supposed to be
overflowing to pull people in.

That's, like, carnie 101.

‐ Sorry, I've just been feeling
a little down lately.

‐ Yeah, you know
what makes me feel down?

People who don't do their jobs.

‐ For me,
it's more the virus stuff.

You know,
I just became an uncle,

and I haven't even been able
to meet my fat baby nephew yet.

I mean, look at those rolls.

You could lose
a ChapStick in there.

You know, if I could get
an extra five at lunch today,

he should be up from his nap,
and I could FaceTime him‐‐

‐ Yeah, wouldn't it be great
if we could just

all FaceTime our fat friends
anytime we wanted?

What a world that would be.
‐ But Dina, I‐‐

‐ No, if I make an exception
for you, pretty soon

Preeti's gonna be wearing
her sandals on the floor,

and Jay's gonna be
listening to his iPod,

and this place is gonna
turn into Woodstock.

‐ There she is.

Dina, you have to take me
off of Sayid's register.

‐ She calls everyone "Mama."

Hey, there, Mama.
Paper or plastic, Mama?

They're not your mama.
Your mother lives in Sarasota.

‐ You just can't handle women
lifting up other women.

‐ Hey, hey, hey, hey,
I can fix this, okay?

Just calm down.
Everybody close your eyes.

Now take a deep breath.

[all breathe deeply]

Okay, now shut the [bleep] up
and go back to work.

Unbelievable.

‐ The smell's gotta
be coming from toys.

The stuff I've seen kids do

to these things
should be illegal.

Aha!

Completely encrusted.
Ugh, look at yourself.

‐ Go ahead.
Smell that little bastard.

‐ [sniffs]

Nah, it's not our guy.

‐ Jonah, I looked up
that company,

and they don't do roof repair.

They do solar panels.

I guess we could cover
our hole with one,

but probably cheaper

to just stick
with the mattress we found.

‐ Whoa, this is a total
solar energy company.

Why didn't my dad say that?

They do hydronic heating too?

I wonder if they mess
with geothermal.

‐ We're all wondering that.

‐ Oh, have you heard
of that company, though,

that can turn anything
in your house into a fish tank?

You should see
if your dad knows that guy.

‐ Yeah.

‐ Yeah, that guy is pretty dope.

I heard he gives you
a free fish.

‐ Okay, wheel's spinning.

Still spinning.

Customer looks like
she's hoping it'll land

on something good, I think.

‐ Oh, my gosh,
I feel like I'm there.

You're so good at this.

Sandra, you could do golf.

[stomach gurgles]

Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?

[stomach gurgles]

Go on.

‐ Hey, did you leave these
on my desk to fax to corporate?

‐ Yeah, I'm writing up
Justine, Marcus, and Sayid.

‐ A little extreme,
but where it says offense,

you have to check a box.

You can't just write
"actively worthless."

‐ But they were being
actively worthless.

‐ Whoa, you okay there?

‐ [sighs]

Cheyenne had a point.

I have been criticizing Glenn
for years passionately.

I like to think
I've made something

of an art form out of it.

But now that it's my turn,
I kind of have to be perfect,

so I just‐‐I can't deal

with anyone's
emotional nonsense today.

‐ I know, but the thing is,

employees here are people.

They're gonna have conflicts.

They're gonna want to complain
about their lives.

It's just part of work.

‐ Not today, it's not.

[phone beeps]

Attention Cloud 9 employees,
this is your manager.

New policy.

Starting now, there will be

absolutely no personal talk
on the floor.

Work talk only.
Zero tolerance.

Also, this policy is
retroactive to 20 minutes ago,

so, Elias,
please see me in my office.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

‐ Hey, how's your day going?

‐ I‐‐I'm not allowed
to tell you.

‐ And this company puts
a major focus on education.

They pay for each
of their employees

to become lead certified
green associates.

‐ Okay, well, you wanna
start mopping here

before this thing
becomes sentient

and starts to fight back?
‐ Ooh.

‐ Oh, hey, we found something.
Something liquified.

I think there
might be teeth in it.

‐ Mm, nah, that's not the smell
you're looking for.

This smells more like someone
farted in a Tupperware

and left it on a hot driveway.

‐ You are alarmingly good
at that.

‐ Yeah, sorry, guys.
Keep looking.

‐ Actually, Cheyenne,
would it be all right

if I took my break
a little bit early?

I just kind of want
to have some time

to prep for my interview.

‐ I thought you didn't care
about that job.

‐ Yeah, but you know,
these people

are actually
making a difference.

Plus, I've been here
for five years,

and I'm clearly not moving up,

so I might as well
look at other options.

‐ Yeah, do what you gotta do.
‐ Awesome, thank you.

Don't let that
touch your bare skin.

‐ Mm.

‐ You're just gonna
let him ditch?

‐ I mean, I feel
kind of bad for him.

Like, this year's
been tough enough,

and then he had
the big breakup on top of it.

I caught him listening
to this music in his car‐‐

it didn't even have a beat.

It was just, like,
a guitar and a man.

Like, what?

‐ No way.
‐ I'm telling you.

Look at her from the side,
and you can see it.

‐ Okay, you heard Dina's rule.

I'm guessing this gossip
isn't exactly work related.

But for my files, I'll need
to know what the rumor was.

It was about Sarah's nose job,
wasn't it?

Because she totally
got one, right?

‐ Well, according to Nicki‐‐

‐ Save it, Janet!

I'm trying to work,
and you should be too.

‐ Final warning, Janet.

‐ Ugh, anyway, you were saying?

‐ Does this come
in any other colors?

‐ No idea.

I'm just trying
to picture my fat nephew

squeeze into this bad boy.

Keep it between us, though.

My boss doesn't want me
talking about him.

Hey, any chance
you could FaceTime him

while I secretly watch?

‐ Uh, I‐‐I'm not gonna do that.

‐ Please, I need this.
He's so fat.

‐ Dang, another empty one.
Just more moldy cheese.

‐ Cheer up, we'll find
a dead rat in the next one.

‐ Whoa, once you're away
from it and you come back,

the smell really hits you.

‐ Yeah, hits you pretty hard

when you're here
the whole time too.

‐ Yeah, I'm so glad you're back.

I need to tag out.

‐ Oh, actually,
I was kind of hoping

to prep for my interview
a little bit more.

It's kind of
my deep, dark secret,

but I've never stayed awake

through "An Inconvenient Truth,"

so I gotta go watch that.

‐ It's just, I've been
covering for you for a while,

and I have to go
do other stuff too.

‐ Yeah, totally, but I already
changed shirts, you know,

so I was kind of hoping
to be fully off smell‐hunting.

‐ Okay, fine.
‐ Yeah, sure.

I mean, you know,
buttons are permanent,

and once you have a shirt on,
there's no way to change it.

‐ What is with you?
‐ It's uncool, man.

You're ditching us.

‐ Oh, is that what
this is all about?

Buddy, we can still hang out
even when I go to my new job.

‐ I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about
you bailing on work.

‐ You bail on work all the time.

‐ I don't bail on work.
I half‐ass it.

There's a difference.
‐ Okay, you're not getting it.

I have an opportunity

that I'm actually psyched about,

and I'm sorry, but that's
a little more important to me

than finding out what smells.

‐ Well, good luck
with your interview, buddy.

‐ Thank you.

‐ I was being sarcastic,
and it came off supportive.

‐ Yeah, it's okay.
‐ I know.

‐ Okay, we're ready for you,
Mama.

[register beeps]

What, you got something to say?

‐ No, I'm not allowed.

‐ Cash or credit, Mama?

‐ [groans]

[thud]

‐ Oh, God, I'm so sorry!

That might have been
a COVID donut, sir.

‐ I don't understand what the‐‐

[phone ringing]

Ugh.

Glenn.
‐ Dina.

How's it going in there?

Oh, my first week as manager,

I was so stressed,
all of my leg hair fell off.

You know, I thought
about getting into swimming

'cause, you know,
it's supposed to be‐‐

‐ I'm not stressed at all.

It's going great.

I've kind of adopted
a North Korean model,

and I think people
are really responding to that.

‐ Oh, cool.

‐ Hey, uh, we just need you
inside real quick.

‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Is she your mother?

Is she?
‐ Leave me alone!

‐ Stop saying "mama"!

‐ Nope.

‐ I didn't say anything vulgar.
‐ Sayid, seriously?

‐ I told you
I couldn't work with her!

‐ Are you the manager?

'Cause your employee's
harassing me.

‐ Dude, if it's too awkward,

just FaceTime your own baby,
and I'll watch.

‐ Also, I don't know
if you've noticed,

but there is a really gross
smell here today.

‐ I noticed!

‐ I can't believe people refuse
to follow one simple rule.

‐ Yeah, maybe because that rule
was really insane?

This job is hard enough.

People need to talk,
to vent, to feel heard.

It's like they're
emotionally constipated,

and some of them are very
physically bloated as well.

‐ What, so because I'm manager,
I have to help people

poop their emotions
all over the place?

‐ You know what?

Glenn's still
in the parking lot,

and honestly,
he lives for this stuff.

Maybe people can go out there
and, you know,

he can handle that part
of the job.

‐ Uh‐uh, no way.
I don't need Glenn's help.

If listening is part
of the job description,

then I'm gonna be like...

‐ Like what?
‐ Like that.

I was listening.

‐ Oh... okay.

‐ Glenn, I'm sorry,
but I'm in electronics,

so I can't see the wheel.

Plus, I'm not supposed
to be talking.

‐ Real quick.

I just had a few ideas

for when the wheel
lands on "fun."

Okay, can you just FaceTime me?

'Cause it's kind of
more of a dance.

‐ Meeting, break room, now.

[skeleton screeches]

‐ Sandra,
what is going on in there?

I hear screaming.

‐ I will slaughter you all!

‐ Sandra, be careful.
That lady sounds like bad news!

‐ Okay, gang,

it's been brought
to my attention

that my no‐talking policy

may have been a little extreme.

Okay, I heard that.
You were all heard.

So new rule:

talking about our feelings
is now encouraged.

Your manager is listening.

[people murmuring]

Come on, talk!

Marcus,
I know you have something.

What was it?
Your nephew's dead?

‐ Fat.
[sighs]

I'm afraid he's gonna grow

into those juicy thighs
any day now,

and I'm gonna miss it all.
‐ Okay.

Thank you, Marcus.

Let's all come together
for Marcus.

If you have fat baby photos,
send 'em his way.

‐ Skateboard fail videos
help too.

They're hilarious.

‐ Okay, love this.

Seems great, but maybe we
should set some ground rules.

‐ Yeah, like won't it
get really awkward

if we all say how we really
feel about Corey's new hat?

‐ I watched a tutorial
on how to cut my own hair.

I need a week.
‐ Okay, I got this.

Look, what I'm hearing
is Corey's hat is a bummer.

[people murmuring]

But Corey's new haircut

might be an even bigger bummer,
yeah?

‐ Mm.
‐ That's true.

‐ Who's next?
‐ I'll go.

‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ I also hate Corey's hat.

‐ Yeah, okay, we've
already explored the hat.

‐ I feel as though my language
is being policed.

Like, I should be able to call
people mama or girlfriend

or "my bad biatch."
‐ Should you?

‐ I keep putting
my funny bumper stickers

on Sandra's locker,
and she keeps peeling 'em off,

and it hurts.
‐ Okay.

‐ They say,
"I heart musty balls,"

and it just doesn't really
reflect my opinions.

‐ Sandra, Earl's in pain.

This is not about
defending yourself.

We are here to listen.
‐ Wait.

People aren't allowed
to defend themselves?

Then I have a ton of stuff.

‐ Okay, maybe we wrap this up.

‐ As long as we're
airing things out,

has anyone noticed
anything different

about Sarah's face?

‐ This I think
we should hear out.

‐ Oh, my gosh,
I didn't get a nose job.

I got new glasses
and a freakin' haircut.

‐ Girl, obviously.
[chuckles]

[whispers]
No way, it's a thing.

‐ They're a huge water drain,

and they're already designed
to get sun,

so I say turn every golf course
into a solar farm.

And I realize that killing golf

is a risky suggestion to make
in the business world, but‐‐

‐ I'd be all for that.
I hate golf.

‐ Awesome, yeah.

You know, I'm sorry.

I don't even know why
I started talking about that.

‐ No worries.

My best ideas come
when my mind wanders.

‐ Yeah, right, right?

Just try and stop
this mind from wandering.

[chuckles]

But not in, like, an attention
deficit disorder situation.

Although there really
shouldn't be a stigma‐‐

um, what is your timeline
for making this decision?

‐ Decision?

‐ Uh, for the job
that I'm interviewing for.

‐ Oh, I'm sorry, Jonah.

I was under the impression
this would just be

a "pick my brain" type thing.

Your dad said
it might be helpful,

get you motivated?

‐ Oh, you were doing it
for my dad.

Uh, well, I mean,
as long as we're here,

you know, any chance
you're hiring?

‐ I mean, we are, but you spent
the last five years

working in retail.

You don't have
any corporate experience.

In this hiring market,
it'd be tough

to justify bringing you on.

‐ Oh, I see, right.

Well, but I did‐‐
I did go to business school.

‐ Oh, really?
I didn't see that on here.

When did you graduate?

‐ I, uh, didn't.

‐ Okay, it was nice
meeting you, Jonah.

Stay safe.

‐ But I absorbed
a lot of concepts.

[laptop beeps]

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

‐ Okay, you know what?

Garrett totally stole my look,
and no one is talking about it.

‐ How is this your look?

‐ Not the look I have now.
The look I was gonna go for.

‐ Okay, guys,
the goal is not to fight.

‐ I think Jerry should have
ended up with Carol!

[all gasp]
‐ How dare you!

‐ Okay, okay, okay,
whoa, whoa, whoa!

All right, that's our time!
This was good.

Is everybody good?
We're good?

‐ Are you kidding?
You made everything worse.

‐ Yeah, and now I have to go
back out and work

next to someone who thinks I
ate a curly fry off the ground.

‐ I saw what I saw.

‐ Okay, all right, new rule:
no one can be mad

about whatever was said
in this room, okay?

You just have to all
go out there and act normal.

So, uh... break!

‐ Ugh, this whole day sucks.

‐ Yeah, Dina,
I'm sorry, no offense,

but I've never seen anyone
worse at this job.

[people murmuring]

‐ Yeah, when's Glenn
coming back?

[people murmuring]

‐ Don't let 'em
get you down, Mama.

‐ Jesus, Justine, take a note!

♪ ♪

‐ Okay, so now that we got it,
what do we do with it?

‐ I think we just drive,
like, 30 miles out of town

and dump it.

‐ Oh, hey, you solved
the smell, huh?

‐ Uh, yeah, but you don't want
to get any closer.

Protect the shirt at all costs.

‐ The shirt actually
ended up not mattering.

I am apparently not
a qualified candidate,

but you know, don't worry.

They said they wouldn't
keep me in mind.

Uh, I'm sorry, guys.

I got ahead of myself, I think,
and I guess I was just excited

to be excited about something.

‐ Yeah, whatever.
Solar's just a fad anyways.

It's gonna be all about
the moon before you know it.

‐ Look, I get it.

I've been rejected from
GameStop, like, four times.

Think I just want it too bad.

But hey,
we get to keep you here,

and next mystery scent
is all yours.

‐ Thanks, that's comforting.

Uh, so what was it?

‐ We don't know.

It looked kind of like
an inside‐out otter.

‐ Yeah, we should probably
donate it to science,

but we're just gonna toss it.

‐ Look, today
was a little bumpy,

but hey, sales are up.

We gave out a ton
of those bobbleheads.

God forgive us.

‐ We basically had
a mutiny on our hands.

People wanted Glenn back.

I even lost Cheyenne,
and she'd follow a balloon

with a smiley face on it...

which is basically
what Glenn is.

Man, I just thought
I'd be so good at this.

‐ I'm sorry.

Do you wanna talk about it?

‐ I just did.

Oh, you mean more?

God, no.

Look, I don't understand
why everybody wants

to talk everything to death.

Like, whatever happened
to just taking a baseball bat

to your neighbor's trash can?

‐ Okay.
[scoffs]

Well, do you wanna, like,
go smash something?

‐ Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

[all cheering]

How do you feel, Justine?
‐ Amazing.

I have been wanting
to hit something with a bat

since the "Lemonade" video.

‐ Hit it!
[people cheering]

[rock and roll music]

‐ Bring back "Vampire Diaries"!

‐ The hat was a gift!

♪ ♪

‐ Oh, we're doing this
because we‐‐

‐ No, don't need to know.

‐ ♪ Today is ♪

♪ Today is ♪

all: Oh!

‐ Okay, man!

♪ ♪

‐ Yeah!

[all cheering]

‐ No, honey, just put
two weeks' worth of ham

in the garage,
and then I can‐‐what?

Why?

[people cheering]