Superstore (2015–…): Season 5, Episode 19 - Carol's Back - full transcript

So, uh, welcome back, Carol.

We are all so thrilled to see
how well you're doing.

Thanks. I am so ready for a fresh start.

Me too. Me too.

But just asking,

corporate knows what
she did at my wedding?

Yep, they offered her a store transfer,

but lucky for us, she declined.

Like I'm gonna leave this store.

You guys are like family to me.

Yeah, so... sweet.



Um, Carol, before we can
get you out on the floor again,

I've just been asked
to get a quick apology.

Okay, great.

Oh, you think I should apologize?

Well, I mean, you almost
made me kill your cat.

I did that?

You stole Jerry from me.

You rubbed your wedding
in my face for months.

And then you asked me to be
your Maid of Honor.

I mean, that was just cruel.

You told me I had to.

I don't know, Amy.

It seems like she's not ready
to take responsibility.

You know, Carol,
some people might think,



actually, that, um

you are the one who should apologize.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Um, the thing is,

when I spoke with C.J. DiBono at H.R.,

he said that my manager
should be impartial.

And C.J. DiBono would know.
I mean, he's...

he's C.J. DiBono.

He said I should call
if there were any hiccups or...

Yeah. No, no, I don't...

I don't think we need
to call C.J. DiBono.

We can handle this internally.

I just need a... a quick apology.

- Sorry.
- I heard an apology.

Great. Let's get back to work.

Sandra apologized to Carol?

I know. It's crazy.

She has some sort of, like, dark power.

I almost apologized to her.

Anyway, how's it going?
Have you raised the wage yet?

Well, I just got here,

but it seems like
a pretty good turnout.

I can still go to other
Gateway Subs, right?

Just not that one?

Amy, they exploit their workers.

But they cure their own salami.

Amy, what the hell?

- Carol's back?
- I gotta go.

Dina's reacting. Yes.

I sent around a memo saying
that she'd be back to work today.

- I thought that was a joke.
- How is that a joke?

I don't know.
You're not great at jokes.

It's hard to tell sometimes.

Yeah, you've dropped
some real stinkers lately.

Remember you said that joke

about how Bill Cosby was framed?

Uh, no, that definitely wasn't me.

- Oh.
- And this isn't a joke.

She finished her therapy,

and she got cleared
to come back to work.

So after everything she's done,

she can just waltz back in here
and wear the blue vest?

The only vest she should be wearing

is one with black and white stripes.

Like a referee?

No, like a jail vest,
like a... vest you wear in jail.

Look, it doesn't really matter.

My hands are tied.

This is what corporate wants,

and we're not gonna
make waves right now.

Carol already threatened
to call C.J. DiBono on us.

- Oh, C.J. DiBono.
- Oh, you don't want that.

- No thank you.
- Mm-mm.

So you guys know who that is?

- No. But sounds important... scary.
- No.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

All right, all right,

we're doing it, everybody,
getting it done.

Ha-ha, let's do it.

Whoo.

Cheyenne?

What... what are you doing here?

You sent out that email
trying to get everyone to come.

Plus, it would be cool
to make some more money.

Bo's still out of work,

and Harmonica keeps
needing new clothes.

Ugh, I just wish she'd
stop growing already.

Yeah, well, she's four, but, um, great.

You're going to love it here.

These people are so cool.

They're... they're passionate.
they're progressive.

I've learned about four new bookstores

just from the tote bags alone.

Guys, come on. You can't be here.

I don't want to call the cops.

Hey, we've got our permits,
and we're not blocking traffic.

So go ahead, call the cops.

Yeah. Yeah, call the cops.

Yeah, that's right.

You tell 'em. You tell 'em, Tommy.

That's Tommy.

He's lead organizer, total badass.

Got, like, a fight the power,
Malcolm X kind of vibe.

Not... not because he's... you know,

just the... vibe-wise.

All right, my man, good work.

All right.

Oh, man, this is gonna take all day.

It's funny how the cleaning
robot is causing the most mess.

It always goes after
the Bluetooth speakers.

I think they're in a feud.

Might the start of the robot wars.

Oh, I so do not have time for this.

I need to be on my phone,

Celine Dion tickets go on sale today.

Well, why don't you just
hire somebody on BusyBee?

It's a pretty cool app.

I got a guy to wait in line
to get my Air Jordan 3 Unites,

which you haven't said
anything about, no big deal.

Or I could wait for the tickets

and hire somebody do the
actual, you know, work part.

Your job?

Hire somebody to do our jobs?

Yeah.

That's a great idea. I'm in.

I'll split it with you.

So why do you need everyone's number?

Oh, I'm, uh, getting a group text going.

Got this sweet "Norma Rae" GIF
that I've been wanting to use.

I don't watch "Real Housewives."

Wait, where's Tommy's number?

Oh, he didn't want to put it on there.

He thinks that you're a spy
from Gateway Subs,

like you're a narc or something.

Me? Why?

Yeah, he's just starting to wonder,

'cause sometimes
companies send people in

to spy on groups like this,

and you showed up right when they were

starting to organizing this protest.

Plus, you've got that corporate haircut.

Honestly, your whole look
and vibe is very classic narc.

Okay, did you tell him
that you know me?

No, I don't want him to think
I'm friends with a narc.

Look, if it were up to me,

she wouldn't be working here at all.

Most of you wouldn't be.

What's going on? Is everything okay?

Sayid doesn't want to
work in Housewares.

Carol's there.

I just don't feel comfortable
working near a crazy person.

Okay, you know what?

Let's not use the word "crazy."

- It's... it's demeaning.
- Mm.

And it's debilitating

and some other word that corporate used

that I can't remember, but fine,

I'll move her into
Seasonals with Justine.

Uh, no thank you.

I don't need the drama.

I'm a no-drama mama.

I even have a T-shirt that says that.

Okay, um, oh, yeah, Nicki.

- How's your first day going, girl?
- It's fine.

I've got a really fun
assignment for you.

I know all about Carol. No, thank you.

How do you already know about her?

From, like, six people.
Sounds like a real maniac.

Also not a word we should be using.

Amy, I think everyone's
just trying to be safe.

People who hurt animals

eventually start hurting people.

It's true.

My uncle accidentally
ran over a mongoose,

and then he punched
out a guy at Foodland.

Okay, can we just stop
talking about this?

The fact is, Carol has to work
somewhere in the store,

so she's gonna be
in somebody's department.

Well, it's obviously
not gonna be Sandra.

I heard Carol freaked her out so much

she crapped her wedding dress.

- Oh.
- Oh, um, that didn't happen.

You don't have to be embarrassed.

It's totally natural.

It happens to lots of
brides at their wedding.

That's childbirth.

I didn't crap myself.

Amy, tell him.

Sandra, she said she didn't
want to talk about

what happened that night;
the rumor stands.

Oh, man.

Glenn, you're all about second chances.

How about Carol works with you?

Mm-hmm, mm, but as a floor supervisor,

I'm also sort of a lone wolf,
so... you know.

All right, well, since you're
all a bunch of babies,

I'll just have Carol work
with me for today.

See, Amy and I are the only two people

willing to give Carol a second chance.

See, look at my dress. It's spotless.

Sure, from the front.

Where's the back?

We need to see the back.

I mean, I don't have too many
wedding photos of my back.

That's convenient.

Okay, uh, let's see.

Here, what's that right there?

It's nothing.

Oh, my God.
Is that [bleep] on your screen?

No, it's just the...

Oh, my God. Don't touch it.

Sandra, don't touch it.

Oh, my God.

So, girl, how is your day going?

So good. It's like coming home.

The therapy really helped.

The old me would have been
taping a picture of Sandra to,

like, a sausage and hammering
it over and over and over.

Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Wow, then I guess that's progress.

- Mm-hmm.
- Anyway, um,

I just needed some help with,
uh, paperwork, you know,

collating, uncollating.

You can, um, start by, uh,
highlighting these.

Oh, uh, what do you
want me to highlight?

Whatever seems important, you know.

The verbs.

Uh, gotta know where
the action is right?

Sure, it'll be fun working with you.

So tell me how you've been.

Are you still in that cute little place

where you had your Golden Globes party?

Yeah, yeah, I am.

Were you at that party?

No, I wasn't invited.

I was actually pretty upset about it.

I stewed outside for hours.

I could have wrung your neck.

Heh-heh-heh.

Well, I'm glad you didn't.

Um, you know,

this is actually a lot more
work than I, uh, anticipated.

- Yeah.
- So I think we're gonna need

an extra pair of hands.

Wow, look at me back of house.

Yean, um, you know,
some of these files are...

are classified, so they just require

a higher level of security.

For sure.

Uh, is this where you guys
keep the cups?

I'm always seeing people
walking around with cups.

Um, sorry, I'm a little confused.

Do I work for Cloud 9?

Oh, no, no, no,
you don't work for Cloud 9,

unless someone asks,
then you do work for Cloud 9,

but you've never heard of us.

- Yeah.
- Right, so I don't,

but I do. Well, I don't...

Oh, my God. Do you want the job or not?

I want it. I need it.

I need it.

I haven't worked in three months.

My alimony is late.

My ex-wife's lawyers
are getting very threatening.

I'm gonna stop you right there.

You say you want the job,

but, you know,
I'm seeing this huge mess.

It still needs to be dealt with.

You're right.
There's a lot work to be done.

I'll get right on it. Sorry, boss.

Boss?

There's something
about that that I like.

- Probably the power.
- Yeah, I think it's the power.

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, boss,

I'm gonna go get some Takis.

Sounds good, boss.

I'm gonna get on queue
and start Googling seat views.

With Celine you don't want
to be too far away...

or too close.

- Oh, yeah, Dina, what...
- Shh.

Carol left her purse on the table.

Wait, no, no, no,

you cannot go through people's...

I'm just giving it
a quick once over to make sure

there's nothing with sharp
edges or too pointy.

Oh, come on, you really think
Carol would bring a weapon

into the store?

I mean, she's been to therapy.

She's not dangerous anymore.

She's back to being boring.

Oh, yeah? Then how do you explain this?

What are those?

Well, they're... they're headphones.

But she could easily use these
to strangle somebody.

You think?

Yeah, I do think.

Aha, how about these?

Bobby pins, dozens of them.

You can hide one in your mouth,
then when you're Frenching someone,

just slip it in, and boom,
oh, the old poke-and-choke.

Oh, no.

Is this a picture of Janet's son?

Oh, my God, Sandra's cat
was just the beginning.

This is sick.

Oh, my God.

Kirkwood Youth Soccer League schedule?

She's stalking Janet's kid.

She even had a Janet
driver's license made.

What is her endgame here?

What the hell are you doing in my purse?

- Oh.
- Oh, it's... it's her purse.

- Yeah, makes sense.
- Yeah.

This is... this is all her stuff. Yes.

J-just... just so you know,
I'm... I'm not an...

a corporate spy.

Oh, you heard.

Yeah, I didn't really think you were.

Oh, good, cool, good, good,
same page, cool.

Yeah, it's... it's just that...

that's kind of what you would say

if you did think that I was.

And "I'm not a spy" is what
you'd say if you were a spy.

Right, yeah, right, but in this...

in this instance, I'm saying I'm...

I'm not a spy, because I'm...
I'm really not spy.

Hey, Tommy, some guy with no
pants just joined the protest.

Should I give him a sign or...

Oh, no, no, I'll handle it.

- Nice talking to you.
- Yeah.

All right, I'll see you back out there.

Yeah, I just made up the no pants guy,

'cause you were biffing it so hard.

I know. I figured. Thank you.

Really cutting up
a storm there, huh, Ken?

Did I... did I ask you to do that?

Nope, saw the paper, saw the scissors.

Don't have to draw me a map.

Hey, Amy, uh, Janet is gonna say

that we invaded her privacy.

But in my defense, I had no idea

what Carol's purse looks like.

Yeah... oh, hey, Carol.

Why were you looking for my purse?

I don't know. Just because everyone's
terrified since you're crazy.

Dina, we talked about that word.

Fine.

Carol, I wanted to go
through your purse,

because you're so silly,

I'm worried you're gonna stab somebody.

Oh, come on,
all because of Sandra's cat?

Wait, she's the cat killer?

You made me work
next to the cat killer.

Ken, just calm down, okay?

So that's why you had Ken come in here,

because you're scared of me.

I can't believe this.

I should call C.J. DiBono.

No, no, no, no.

You don't need to do that.

You know what? Why don't you

take your lunch break on me?

Fine. It's the least you can do.

And... and don't worry.
When you get back,

everything is gonna feel much better.

And, you know, get what you want.

Go crazy.

I mean, have fun.

You're buying Carol lunch?

So she gets rewarded
for traumatizing Sandra?

So that's how it works?

Hey, Sandra, I'm gonna slice
you open while you sleep.

I'll take a smoothie, please.

Guys, I sent Carol to lunch
so that we could talk about

how we're gonna work with her
moving forward.

I've got an idea. Fire her ass.

I can't.

You can't fire someone
for mental health issues.

Well, good, because
I have a lot of issues.

For one, I'm addicted to sex.

- You wish.
- Yeah, I do.

People call anything
"mental illness" these days.

Like, sometimes I'll
lie in bed all weekend,

because I no longer take pleasure

in things I used to enjoy.

Does that make me "depressed"?

Yes. It does. Yeah.

- What?
- It seems like it.

- Yeah.
- Ahh.

Wait, these are different
from the last one?

Yeah, those are fuego.

The other ones were nitro.

They're night and day.

Oh, wait, shh.

This is the best part.

- Ooh, she can get up there, huh?
- Right?

I can't believe you've
never heard Celine before.

Hey, you guys mind if I take a quick ten

to get some body wipes?

I'm starting to reek.

I mean, it's only been,
like, a couple hours.

Well, it's a lot of work.

The job post said "move some boxes."

Yeah, no, I mean, it's cool.

If it's not the kind of work
you want to do,

we'll just find somebody else
on BusyBee.

Yeah, I mean, I've got
Ashleigh C, Taylor M...

- Boom.
- Jurgen I.

Ooh, he looks cute.

No, no, Jurgen steals all my jobs,

and he just takes good pictures.

Look, I can handle it.

I'll make sure to get
the rest of those boxes.

Ahh, I'm so glad we finally
got some downtime.

Just really gives us a chance to reset.

Yeah.

Ooh, okay, white Whitney.

Look, we don't need an H.R. rep

hanging around here auditing us,

writing everyone up
for all the little things

I let slide, like visible tattoos

and the pictures you put
in your lockers,

and unbuttoning your pants at lunch.

To let air in so the
mold doesn't come back.

- It's called hygiene.
- Ohh.

Okay, I can't deal with that right now.

The point is that all of that ends

the second Carol calls C.J. DiBono.

Is... is that, like, a restaurant?

No, it's... like,
it's... it's the H.R. person.

And it doesn't matter what his name is.

We just don't want him around.

Yeah, we do not want C.J. DiBono here.

- Oh, God no.
- Mm-mm.

Okay, so then when Carol
comes back from lunch,

we're all gonna be very friendly,

and we're gonna treat her
like she's a valued

and trusted coworker, yes?

Yeah. Yes. Yep.

- Hey, Carol. Welcome back.
- Oh.

Hey, Carol. I just wanted
to apologize for earlier.

We were all really out of line.

Yeah, what was everybody afraid of,

that you would kill everybody?

You wouldn't do that.

And even if you did, I'm sure
you'd have a good reason.

Hey, I know I punched you
in the gut at Sandra's wedding,

so I wanted to offer you
a shot to make us even.

No, Dina, we're a work.

- Oh!
- Oh, wow.

That does feel better.

Nice form.

Good hip rotation.

Glad we did that.

Hey, Carol, I got you these
muffins as a welcome back gift.

Oh, thanks, Sandra,
but I'm stuffed from lunch.

So where should I work?

I am putting you

with the cleaning robot.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

The robot's been acting up
and needs a hard reset.

Kind of like you, so you get it, girl.

Oh, uh, you want me to fix the robot?

I don't know much about technology.

Come on. You'll figure it out.

It's idiot-proof.

Not that you're an idiot.
You're the opposite of that.

Well, I do have an Android.

We know. You make the group text green.

Which I love, favorite color.

One, two, three, four.

No one should be working poor.

One, two, three, four.

I... I don't know how
to convince him to trust me.

Maybe you need to show him.

Like, what if you went and
blocked the door or something?

Well, we can't, because the permit says

you can't cross the street.

See, like that. Only a narc
would care about a permit?

You're right.

You're right. I'm gonna...

I'm gonna show him.

Oh, wait. Actually, Jonah,

can you get me a salami sandwich?

- Oh.
- What's he doing over there?

We're not supposed to cross the street.

Right?

Yeah, he has, like,
no respect for the permit.

Hi. Hi. Did you know

that the average Gateway Subs employee

lives right at the poverty line

while last year the CEO
made $47 million?

Wow, good for him.

No, no, no, no, it's just... uh, um...

Look, uh, if you eat your lunch
somewhere else,

I will give you $10.

Okay.

All right.

Talked him out of it.

Narc wouldn't do that.

Non-narc in the house.

"Reset button."

Oh.

What the?

The Wi-Fi is out.

The Wi-Fi is out. I... I can't refresh.

Oh, come back.

Celine!

Carol, honey, I found
a clump of your hair.

I'm gonna put it in your pocket.

And again, Carol, I am so sorry,

but you are gonna be fine.

People get electrocuted all the time.

It's, like, good for you.

It's a cleanse.
You're gonna feel great.

What happened?

Amy electrocuted her.

Not on purpose,
and she's gonna be fine.

Oh, no.

What if she's not, though?

Look, I only have a 20 left,
but if you have Venmo, I can...

Hey, I can see what you're doing.
You can't do that.

And you can't underpay your workers.

You need to get off of this property.

Hey, man, you can't talk
to one of my people like that.

Ooh, one of his people.

I know. I'm trying not
to focus on that right now.

This guy's driving away all
my business, and you know how?

- He's paying people...
- Ahh!

Fair pay now!

What the hell?

- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
- That's my car.

We raised the wage!

I can't believe I lost my place.

Now I'm 613th in line.

I'm gonna be stuck in the upper
balcony with all the heteros.

- No offense.
- Oh, no, none taken.

- That sounds horrible.
- Ohh!

What now?

I think I tweaked my back.

Do you guys have one of those
back support belts?

Oh, of course.

One will be here any minute, sir,

along with your palm fronds
and your bowl of grapes.

So entitled.

Why don't we just do our job for you?

We should have gone with Jurgen.

Mm-hmm.

You know what?

You guys are a little bit
being like dicks right now.

You're taking advantage of me,
because you know I need the money.

And yeah, I'm scrounging
around for odd jobs,

and I'm staying on my kid's
flute teacher's couch,

but I'm still a human being.

I mean, we'll leave him a big tip.

Oh, yeah, huge, assuming
the app lets you tip.

Right, right.

- We're fine.
- Mm-hmm.

Shh.

Oh, no.

Carol, don't go for the screwdriver.

And... bzz.

Night-night.

It was great, and next Monday

Raise the Wage is doing another protest,

and Tommy said he wants me there.

Oh, wow, so soon? Already?

Yeah, he said, "I need the trashman."

That's me. I'm the trashman.

It's a compliment.

Yeah, you know,
it sounds like a compliment.

- Yeah.
- Whoo.

Today was a doozie.

Tonight was definately a sweat box.

- Okay.
- See ya.

Who the [bleep] was that?