Superstore (2015–…): Season 5, Episode 12 - Myrtle - full transcript

[mellow music]

I can't believe
Myrtle's gone.

Yeah, she was so sweet,
and lived through so much.

Her e‐mail address
was from Yahoo.

When I first hired
Myrtle to be my assistant,

she used to leave loose
hot dogs on my desk every day.

I think she thought
I'd asked for that,

but she just really cared.

She did.

And she was really getting

a lot less racist
towards the end.



All: Yeah.

She still called me
Moana sometimes,

but at least she saw the movie.

Representation matters.

All right, Glenn,
I got it all cued up.

Oh, good.

We still have the projection
from Myrtle's virtual greeter,

so I thought it'd be nice
to see her again.

Oh, like when Tupac
played Coachella.

Welcome to Cloud 9.

All: Aww.

Check out our great deals
on batteries.

Check out our great deals
on sporting goods.

[chuckles]



Check out our great deals
on paper products.

How many of these
do we have to watch

so we're not bad people?

I'm gonna say ten.
Avocados.

[upbeat music]
*SUPERSTORE*

[♪♪] *SUPERSTORE*
Season 05 Episode 12

*SUPERSTORE*
Episode Title: "Myrtle"

Synchronized by srjanapala

Feels kind of weird
just going back to work, huh?

Yeah.
Should we just call it?

No, we can just think
about Myrtle while we work.

Great, now I gotta
do two things.

Hey, guys,
Myrtle's nephew just came in

and dropped off this envelope
they found in her stuff,

and it's addressed
to "Sweet Prince Jonah"

- from Cloud 9.
- Wow.

And she meant me?

I mean, I played a prince

in "Into the Woods"
in high school,

but there's no way
she could've...

I don't know why this...

There's 1,000 bucks in it.
I already opened it.

- Oh, my God.
- What?

For Jonah?
Were you guys even close?

She never mentioned that when
I made her tea every morning,

or when I took her
to her doctor's appointments.

I mean, I was nice to her,
but, you know,

like a regular amount of nice.

And she fell
right into your trap.

There was no trap.

It's the way of the world.
The rich get richer.

Who's rich?

How many cruises
did you go on as a kid?

That's not the point.

Sure, I grew up comfortable,

but now I have tons student
loan and credit card debts.

Look, guys, I have no idea
why she gave me the money,

and I'm just saying
I'm not the spoiled wealthy guy

you all see me as.

I mean, you did start
working in retail on a whim.

Can you back me up here,
please?

Why?
You're doing great.

♪ Tell me who to be ♪

♪ Who died ♪

♪ And made you
king of anything? ♪

Hey, Dina.

Are you... mad at something
far way?

Just thinking about Myrtle.

I always meant to tell her how
much I admired her work ethic.

I mean, she didn't know
what she was doing,

but, man, could she randomly
move things around.

Yeah.
I miss her, too.

We used to go to the same water
aerobics class at the gym.

I don't want to picture
your hair wet.

- We wear swim caps.
- Sandra, please.

It's just, when someone dies,
it...

brings up a whole lot
of regrets, you know?

Makes you think about
all the things you wish

you could've done differently.

It's really been making me
think about my dad.

Aww. Yeah, maybe you should
reconnect before it's too late.

Oh, God, no.

I want him to feel
this kind of regret.

I wanna cause him the pain
that he caused me.

I started smiling
before I heard what you said.

Hey, Glenn,
how you holding up?

[sighs]
Not great.

I found a snail
in my car this morning,

and I didn't even name him.

I didn't have it in me.

Yeah, that's... that's rough.

Hey, you know, I was watching

the weather this morning,
and it was so crazy.

The guy was talking about
a cold front

off the coast of Myrtle Beach.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yeah, he said Myrtle,
like, five times, you know?

Who knows?
Maybe...

maybe it's a sign, you know,
that she's, um...

she'll always be here with us.

Yeah.

Or maybe she's trying
to communicate with us.

Yeah, or that was just
the whole message.

[gasps]

- What's...
- Jonah.

- Ketchup packets.
- Uh...

Myrtle loved to eat
ketchup packets.

Is love the right word
for what that was?

This could be a sign.

[sighs]
I don't think...

My eyes are open, Myrtle!

This lipstick
is stay all day,

all organic, and only $13.

Cash only.

Just put the money
on the counter,

and then I'll shake your hand
with the lipstick in my palm.

Um, I really just popped in
for chunk salmon and water.

Okay.

You're selling
bootleg makeup.

Shh.

Corona turned me on
to her little side hustle

selling this makeup,
and she's been making bank.

She keeps Instagramming herself
rolling around in money.

Ew. Money is filthy.

Yeah, she got
a staph infection from it,

but she can afford
mad antibiotics now.

Lucy May?
[scoffs]

Cheyenne,
I've heard about this.

This is a pyramid scheme.

No, no, no, it's called
multi‐level marketing.

The different levels get smaller
and smaller as you go up.

It's kind of shaped
like a triangle.

Trust me.
It's a scam.

It'll just make
your money problems worse.

But it's so easy.

I just recruit people,
and then I get a cut.

It's like I'm a makeup pimp.
[hums]

Oh, Garrett, do you want
to try some hand lotion?

Nah, not really
a hand lotion guy.

[chuckles]
Yeah, obviously.

Okay, well, if you're
gonna be rude, come on.

Oh, all right.

Now just watch
the money roll in.

I can't be the guy
that keeps this money, right?

I don't even know why
I have it.

'Cause you're
the sweet prince.

[sighs] I'm just gonna
give it back to the family.

Then they'll have the money
and everyone here will know

that I'm just like
a regular man of the people.

The people would never
turn down $1,000.

Everybody here would keep
that money.

Some would try to steal
more of it.

Okay, well,
then what if I gave it to you?

I mean,
I'm living in your house.

It's the least I can do.

Yeah, you know, I haven't
wanted to say anything,

but you do owe me,
like, 19 grand,

but I'd prefer
you pay me back in sex.

Mm, that's a lot of sex.

Okay, well, how about
we just share it, then?

We could spend it
on something nice, like a trip.

Ooh, I have always wanted
to go to Florida.

Like the Florida
from the news?

Well, if you ignore
all the people,

it's basically Hawaii.

So I was able to get my dad's
phone number from his Facebook.

Luckily, old people
still trust the internet.

Cool.
And I'm here for support.

No.
You're gonna call him.

Look, my dad...
scum of the earth,

human equivalent
of a Band‐Aid in a salad...

left me 23 years ago.

He deserves to suffer.

So you're gonna call him

and tell him you're my friend
Sandra Johnson from work.

Sandra Johnson?

Kaluiokalani sounds made‐up.
Anyway, just tell him I'm dead.

[line trilling]
What?

Hello?

Uh, this is Sandra Johnson.

I work with your daughter Dina
at Cloud 9,

and I just wanted to tell you
that Dina...

passed away.

What?

Yeah, I'm sorry.
She's dead.

Oh, God.
[crying]

Actually, she's not dead.

- What?
- Nope.

She's dying.

[whispers] Dead.
Fully dead.

The doctor said
she stabilized

and she might pull through.

But I think they were just
trying to be nice.

They seemed like liars.

I'm sorry, what are you...

Damn it, Sandra.

If you can't even
convince my dad I'm dead,

what the hell can you do?

Right there.
Great.

Hi, Sandra?

Sandra Johnson?

Yes?

Yeah, we talked earlier
on the phone.

I'm Dina's dad, Howard.

I... I called the number back and
they gave me the store address.

The app said it was
a 47‐minute drive.

- I made it in 40 flat.
- Congrats.

Our conversation left me with
more than a few questions.

I mean, she's dead?
She's dying...

Sir, the truth is,
Dina's fine.

She wanted me to fake her death
to make you feel bad.

Well, I guess, uh,

can't say
I don't deserve it.

I'm no golden jackal
when it comes to parenting.

They're incredible fathers.
Is Dina in the store?

Yes, but small heads‐up.
She's very angry.

If she goes for a choke hold,

it's best to just pretend
you've passed out, okay?

Dad?

Now that everything's
out in the open,

my name isn't actually
Sandra Johnson.

It's Sandra Kaluiokalani.

Yeah, sure it is.

"Florida man cuts nose off
with samurai sword."

We're going
to the other coast.

Jonah, look.

I was just in softlines,
and then suddenly,

out of nowhere, boom.

This bottle
of Mr. Clean appeared.

Myrtle always said
that Mr. Clean

was her celebrity crush.

She called him,
"My big white genie."

Oh, yeah.
That sounds familiar, I think.

Look, I know she means well
leaving all these signs

to let me know
she's still around,

but... it just makes me
miss her more.

You shouldn't outlive
your employees.

It's not right.
It's not natural.

You know what, Glenn?
You should take the money.

What?
Really?

Yeah, you were so close

with Myrtle and and
and you-you deserve it.

She wrote my name
on the envelope,

but who knows who she
could've meant, you know?

Could've been you.

Oh, my God.
Thank you.

You know, I think
you giving me this money

is another sign from Myrtle.

Or maybe it's just a nice
thing that I'm doing but enjoy.

It's yours.

The colors are packaged
so you know they go together.

It takes out
all the think work.

I could use
a little less think work.

I'll take one.

Thank you, baby.
Mm‐hmm.

Wait, you made
all that money today?

Uh‐huh, and this may push me
to Lucy May diamond level.

Once you hit diamond,
they send you a sweet hoodie.

Well, it's a hoodie.

Hey, Cheyenne,
that stuff you gave me,

- the lotion or whatever?
- Isn't it the best?

And it makes your hands

smell like you just washed them
with Hawaiian Punch.

You know, I-I could just, like,

buy a bottle
if it'll help you out.

Really, Garrett?
You're buying Lucy May?

Yeah, to help Cheyenne.

Plus, feel my hands.
They're soft like puppy fur.

I've never
touched you before.

It's weird.

It's been a while since
I've been in a store like this.

I just get everything from Jed.
He's my neighbor and a hoarder.

- Convenient.
- Yeah.

Look,

for what it's worth,
when I left you that day,

I was a different man
than I am now.

I was young and stupid,

and I had this dream
of selling belt buckle knives.

And I made that dream
come true.

Wait, that was in there
this whole time?

Wow.

Fast as lightning,
but sharper.

But I can't forgive myself
for leaving you for it.

I watched this belt buckle go
from prototype to market ready,

but I didn't see you go from
pre‐teen to tall lady,

and, uh,

well, that's not okay.

Well, I think
it's water under the bridge.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Okay, I think I should show
you around 'cause this store

is kind of like my own
personal belt buckle knife,

though not nearly
as surprising or cool.

Look, I know why you did it.

It's just that we talked about
maybe sharing the money.

No, you're right.
You're right.

I just hope that
you don't go around

giving away chunks of our money
for the rest of our lives.

- Rest of our lives, huh?
- What?

No, I meant, like,
for the rest of, like,

however long this is.

No, I get it.

Yeah, however long this is,
which if you have your way,

will be 1 million years.

- Oh, shut up.
- Jonah,

Amy, I just got off
the phone with Pastor Craig,

and we've decided what I'm
gonna do with Myrtle's money.

Oh,
you and Pastor Craig decided?

Yeah, he said
that all the signs

that Myrtle has been
leaving me

means that she hasn't
ascended into heaven yet.

But luckily for us,
Pastor Craig can get her in.

Wow, that is lucky.

Yeah, it turns out
that the amount of money

that Myrtle left
is the exact same amount

that she needs
to get into heaven.

I mean, tell me
that's not a miracle.

[mellow music]

Ugh.
What a waste of money.

We would spend it
so much better.

I still love the idea
of a vacation.

Wow, you're really stuck
on this vacation thing.

If there's something
you're planning

- on asking me...
- I hate this.

- You can do it right here in town.
- Please stop!

[door slams]

♪ Just once ♪

♪ Can't we figure out
what we keep doing wrong? ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Why the good times nev... ♪

Dina, have you seen Glenn?

Not for a while.
I've been lucky.

Thanks.
[gasps]

The staff bathroom's cool,
right, Dad?

I use it all the time.
No big deal.

Oh, Dad, this is my boss, Amy.
Show her your belt buckle.

Oh, my God.
This is... oh, Jesus.

Fast as lightning,
but sharper.

[both laugh]

Amy, why don't you
tell my dad about

how I'm doing
as assistant manager?

Um... oh, yeah, she is great.

She's hard‐working
and dedicated

and, um, uh, very...
very serious about security.

She tackled a guy.

- Really?
- Uh‐huh.

Yeah, I think
broke his nose or...

His jaw.
Yeah, it's all part of the job.

I mean, you can be
super proud if you want,

but that's your call.

Thanks, Amy.

Okay, I want in.

You're obviously
making a lot of money,

and you know
I can make you even more.

Plus, I'm dating
the manager's brother,

so I'm basically
the first lady of the store.

Wouldn't Jonah be
the first lady of the store...

Okay, it doesn't matter.

The vision center sucks,
and I need money.

I'm running out of options,
so please put me on the team.

Okay, you're in.

I'll get you some product
to get you started.

Yes!
Chateo back in business.

[giggles]

- What?
- Chateo.

It's the business
that we were gonna start.

Oh, I don't remember
a lot of things we talk about.

Hey, buddy.

Oh, hey, Amy.

Is it okay if I step out
to do a wire transfer?

Pastor Craig's
on Lake Como time.

Uh‐huh, maybe.
Look, Glenn, I was thinking.

When was the last time
that you got Jerusha

something really nice?

Oh, I bought her a bone‐in
parma ham last Monday.

As far as she's concerned,
that's as good as it gets.

Uh, because we just thought
it's-it's kind of a lot of money

to be giving to Pastor Craig.

I thought so too at first,

but then Pastor Craig
told me about all the extras.

- Extras?
- Yeah.

Like for $600,
Myrtle can get into heaven,

but it's, you know,
regular heaven, economy class.

But for the thousand,

she can get into
first‐class heaven.

I mean, I bet that's where
the saints hang out.

Okay, Glenn,
we're not saying that...

- it's just that...
- You can't have the money.

What?

Dad, this is Garrett.

Dad?

Oh, wow, okay.
Nice to meet you.

- Yeah.
- Garrett killed all my birds.

Oh, well...
Then he had sex with me.

Okay.
Wow. Busy guy.

[sniffs]
Smell like Hawaiian Punch here?

- [both sniffing]
- Oh, yeah.

- What is that?
- [mumbles]

We heard about you two...

about how you don't want Myrtle
to have a good afterlife.

What?
No.

We... we want her to have
the best afterlife.

Oh, I see.

So you want Myrtle
to get into heaven.

You just don't want
to pay for it.

It's how rich guys stay rich.

They just hold on
to their money.

- No helping nice old ladies get to heaven.
- Mm‐hmm.

No taking their best friend
out for sushi on his birthday,

even when I made
the reservation.

You can't assume someone's
taking you out to dinner.

Yeah, well,
I learned that one the hard way.

Look, buying your way
into heaven, that's...

that's just not how it works,
and what is that fruity smell?

I smell it, too.

Definitely coming from
this area.

We're getting off track here.

Stop complaining about
some random good smell.

Okay, do you honestly
think that paying

to get Myrtle into heaven
is the best use of this money?

Yeah.
If that's what Myrtle wants.

Okay, well,
if that's how everybody feels,

why don't we all chip in?

You know what?
Great idea, Amy.

I'll start.
Here's 5 bucks, kay?

I'm onto you.

Hey, I'd love to chip in,
but I'm still paying off

that sushi dinner
I had to buy myself.

Okay, all right,
Marcus is a pass.

Justine?
I've just got big bills on me.

Oh, come on, everybody.
This is a good cause.

Yeah, well, so far,
we only have...

wait, where's my five?
Who took my five?

I don't care what you say.

I'm giving this money
to Pastor Craig.

- You should.
- Good for you, Glenn.

I'm sorry.
Now I'm smelling the fruit.

Is it coming from over there?

This is a joke.
We all know who it is.

What we don't know is why.

Watch this, Dad.
Right in the pocket.

That's my girl.
[forklift beeping]

[laughs] Wow!
Sure know how to lift that fork.

- Take after your old man.
- You want to try it?

I won't tell
the assistant manager.

I hear she can be
a bit of a hard‐ass.

[chuckles]
You know something, Dina?

I am really proud
of the woman you've become.

Thanks, Dad.

Yeah, I mean,
seeing you today,

I'm starting to think

maybe it was a good thing
that I left.

Otherwise, you wouldn't be
the strong woman you are today.

Yeah.
[laughs]

I hadn't thought about it
that way.

All right,
let me try this, all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah!
- [engine turns over]

Hey, Dina,
your dad's looking for you.

Uh‐huh.

Uh, so what should I tell him?

I don't know.

I can't hang out
with my dad all day.

I mean, I have a job.

I have responsibilities
I can't just walk away from

because I feel like it,
you know?

I still have to go through
all the security footage

form this morning, so...

Oh, come on.
Damn it.

I'll... I'll tell him
you're on a call.

[keyboard banging]

Don't worry.
I'm in heaven now.

Don't worry.
I'm in heaven now.

Guys, what is this?

It just started doing that
a little while ago,

and hasn't stopped.

Did I hear her say,
"I'm in heaven"?

Yeah.
Wow, Glenn.

You were totally right
about this signs thing.

I mean...
[laughs] What a relief.

Guys, I'm not the chicken
that forgot his hat, okay?

I know you faked this.
What are you talking about?

I mean, come on.
The editing is so choppy.

Okay, my bad.

In the future, I'll be better
at faking miracles.

Still, it's true.

A nice lady like Myrtle...
I mean, there's no way

she's not getting
into heaven, right?

- Definitely.
- Yes, exactly.

I mean, it only makes sense.

But I'm still gonna give
the money to Pastor Craig

just to be safe.

[hums]

Hey, you're still here.
That's a change of pace for you.

[chuckles]
That's a fair joke.

So I was thinking maybe
we could have dinner tonight?

Celebrate our reunion.
You like meatball subs, right?

I'm a vegan now,
but don't beat yourself up.

It's impossible to know stuff
you weren't around for.

So we have some
catching up to do.

No, Dad.

It's too late.
You missed everything.

When I was 13,
I broke my arm so bad,

they gave me my own booth
at the county fair.

I attended multiple
father‐daughter dances alone,

and when I was 16,
everyone made fun of me

'cause my dad didn't
buy me my first gun.

Our neighbor Mr. Gianetti did.

Terry Gianetti
was a stand up guy.

I had to navigate
all of that without you.

And that may be why
I am so strong,

but I am not gonna let you
take credit for that, okay?

So I think you should leave.

Oh, come on, Dina.

I mean,
I can't take back what I did.

But I'm here now.

What more do you want me
to do?

Do what I did.

Figure it out.

I was on fire.

God, it felt so good
to be out there hustling.

Oh, and we sell a sunscreen
with glitter in it.

Corona cashes in
at music festivals.

Two words.
Gay pride.

Well, pride will be here
before you know it,

so let's stock you back up.

- That's a lot of boxes.
- Yeah.

I had to borrow my stepdad's van
to fit the rest.

The rest?

Yeah,
so half of this is yours now,

and once we sell all this,

I'll break even
and start making bank.

Wait, so all that cash
is not profit?

Cheyenne,
it's gonna be ten years

before we make money off this.

What?
Ten years?

What am I supposed to do
with money in my 30s?

[mellow music]

You know, it's funny
we're putting

Myrtle's picture up there.

Do you know that
in 33 years of working here,

Myrtle was never once
employee of the month?

But when heaven picks
its angel of the month,

I know whose picture
they're gonna hang.

Do you think
they'll use that picture,

or would it be her as,
like, a baby?

Or, like,
her in a Halloween costume.

Anyway,
she will be missed.

- To Myrtle.
[All]: To Myrtle.

[all groaning]
[coughs]

What is this?

This is Myrtle's
favorite drink.

It's called the Rusty Spaniard.

I didn't realize we had
gazpacho and Everclear.

[overlapping chatter]

Well, it was really nice
to have that money,

even for a short while.

Yeah, don't worry.

I don't need, like,
a fancy ring.

Ugh, I want you
out of the house by tomorrow.

[♪♪]
Synchronized by srjanapala