Superstore (2015–…): Season 5, Episode 1 - Cloud 9.0 - full transcript

Last season on "Superstore."

Hey, so, random...

I was going through some old
security footage.

Well, I came across the time
you let all my birds escape.

I will never forgive you.

- Do you want to get married?
- Okay.

We've authorized ICE to do
a worksite enforcement.

- Hey, guys.
- Oh, my God.

Okay, you guys need
to keep going straight

through Bath and Beauty,

then we're gonna try to make it
all the way to the end



- of the garden section.
- Hey!

Guys, it's over.

Wow, this is so awesome.

So many people came out
to support Mateo.

Yeah, yeah, and on such
short notice, too.

Only three hours to put it together.

I think we even beat his family here.

Are you seriously bragging
about how well you organized

a vigil for your friend

who was just detained by ICE today?

No.

All right, I got burgers.

Does anyone have buns,
matches, or charcoal?

Yeah, no, because this isn't
a tailgate party.



It's a candlelight vigil.

Oh, then what are we
supposed to be doing?

Um, you know,
we're... we're doing the...

We're... the vigil.
The... Jonah, you wanna...

I don't want to step on your toes.

Oh, I was primarily focused
on the group E-mail.

Why don't we ask those people?

They said that they've been vigil-ing

for their uncle for five months.

- Five months?
- Yeah.

Um, I know this might be a weird time,

but since we're all together,
I have some exciting news.

You know, when my church does a vigil,

we always sing songs.

Yes! Let's do that.

Okay, well, we start with
"O Living Bread from Heaven,"

and then go straight into
"Alas did my Savior Bleed."

Ah, so mostly just Top 40 stuff?

I think we can find a song

that's a little bit more Mateo-y.

Yeah, I think he likes,
uh, Taylor Swift.

No, he's back to hating her again.

Do people know "Yalla Tnam Rima?"

No, but I wish I did.
It sounds gorgeous.

Guys, let's pick a song
that we all know

in a language we all know.

Got it.

♪ Pizza in the morning ♪
all: ♪ Pizza in the evening ♪

- ♪ Pizza at supper time ♪
- Guys, are you guys...

♪ When pizza's on a bagel ♪

♪ You can eat pizza anytime ♪

Never had any training.

I know we got other things on our mind

with, uh, Mateo and everything,

but why does MC Cool Cloud
have a jetpack?

He's a cloud.
They're already in the sky.

Also, Cloud 9.0?

Does corporate think ".0"
just means high tech?

No, it means cool, like "Tosh.0."

Great, guys, we could tear
this apart all day.

The point is Cloud 9
just wants to communicate

that it's modern and forward-thinking.

Anyway, we'll be rolling out
Cloud 9.0 technology

like a digital map of the store...
a Smartphone app.

Guess they finally heard about those.

Oh, are we gonna get paid in Bitcoin?

Um, no.

Aww, man, I really want
to find out what Bitcoin is.

So this is what they think
will save them

from online retailers?
A confusing ad and a free app?

Oh, it's not free. It's 2.99.

Well, I think all this is great.

I mean, come on.

Let people know that the
brick-and-mortar stores

are keeping up with the times.
The future is now!

And also in the future.

Good attitude, Glenn.

Also as part of Cloud 9.0,

they've sent us a new
high-tech floor cleaner.

Check it out, people. We got a robot.

It was nice of corporate
to wait an entire week

before they reminded us

we're just as replaceable as Mateo.

Hey, nobody can replace Mateo.

Aren't you living in his apartment?

Yes, I'm keeping an eye on his stuff.

Look, this robot is not here
to replace anybody.

Why does this high-tech robot
have tape on it?

- Oh, this is the best part.
- Um, that's just the design...

No, we decided we were gonna
keep the tape on...

Hey, he asked, okay?

So, um, I just wanna say that
I think corporate wanted

to make the robot seem not so
intimidating to customers,

so they gave it a name tag.

- It's a perfectly random name.
- Okay.

It's just a random name.

Look at that, Glenn. Same name.

It's not the same at all.

I mean, look, it's spelled with one N.

Like a serial killer.

So corporate's not replacing us,

but they sent us a robot to do
our jobs and its name is Glen?

Meeting adjourned!

Actually, I have an announcement.

I haven't been able to find
the right moment, but...

Damn it, Sandra. Meeting adjourned!

Okay? We can't re-journ!

So they're still debugging the app,

but just tell Android users
it'll be available soon.

Switching gears,
any union chatter over there?

'Cause we can always send someone in.

Nope, no need.

You know, it's funny.

All the talk about unionizing
just sort of went away

after the ICE raid last week.

Weird, almost like that had
something to do with it.

Oh, gosh, wasn't that so tragic?

Just a shame.

Okay, bye.

Dick.

Pretending like corporate
didn't send ICE in here.

Yeah, but well played
with the anti-union stuff.

You're like a double agent.
My own Elizabeth Jennings.

Is that from "The Americans?"

Yeah, it's so good. You should just...

- I'm not gonna watch it.
- Just...

But I do think we need
to cool it a little

with the union stuff.

Corporate's is checking in every day.

They are super paranoid.
We need them to calm down.

We can impress them with
the Cloud 9.0 rollout

and then when they least expect it,

hit them with the union.

Yeah, okay, makes sense.

Which is why I need you
to watch the robot today.

Just program its route.

Wait, what?

You want me to... you want me
to train the thing

that's here to replace us?

Jonah, come on.
You're the only one I trust.

Fine, I'll babysit
the robot for one day.

It's nice to hear
that you trust me so much.

Don't make such a big deal out of it.

Okay, it just feels good.

Man, come on, Dina.

Did you throw away my lunch again?

Did you really think writing
Elias on it would work?

I know your handwriting.

Okay, well when are you gonna
stop punishing me?

Mm, maybe when my birds
stop being dead.

How's then sound?

Now, pipe down. We're busy.

Oh, yeah, I can see that.

You guys are two busy little
builders over here.

This is the detention center.

We're hatching a plan
to bust out Mateo.

Now, the key is to go at night

when the guards are fast asleep.

Wow, that's a great plan.
You know what you could do?

You could hang a poster of
the moon up outside the window

That way they'll think it's night time.

You can go in whenever you want.

- I'm writing this down.
- He's mocking us, Marcus.

He only likes letting birds
out of cages, not people.

Mm, okay, so you're seriously
gonna do this plan?

Well, I have to try something.

I mean, I'm the one that
let Mateo get detained.

What? No, you didn't...

I was on the monitors.

I should have been able
to find him an escape route.

But don't worry.
No one expects you to help.

Okay, some people are helpers.
Some are destroyers.

Some people donate blood.

Some steal blood and sell it
for video game money.

I don't... nobody does that.

My cousin Rick does.

So, wait, are you saying
if I don't help you

break Mateo out of a heavily-guarded

detention facility, I'm a bad person?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

- Okay, I'll help.
- Awesome.

Welcome aboard.

Now, some of this is
from an old west set,

so the doors at the detention
center might not swing open

as easy as the saloon's.

Uh, no, we don't actually
sell jetpacks.

Uh, hey, Chey,
can I talk to you for a second?

Sorry I was late this morning.

Harmonica was being so difficult.

I couldn't get her to finish
her breakfast soda.

Right. Um, no, not that.

Actually, uh, I went to
visit Mateo again yesterday,

and he mentioned that
you hadn't been yet,

and he told me he'd love to see you.

It's just been hard to find a time.

Bo's doing motocross now,
and he needs me to be

at all the races in case he dies.

Okay, uh, well, you know,

if you ever want to go during work,

- I could find someone to cover...
- Oh, thanks,

but no, don't worry.

It's not like I've forgotten about him.

I'm keeping notes on all the gossip

and I've been taking photos
of all the bad outfits

for him for when he gets back.

Okay, well, uh, I just... I told him

I'd relay the message so...

Was that... did you just...

Okay, I should get back to work.

So we're totally out of jetpacks?

No, there were never jetpacks.

Ma'am, I'm sorry,
but I'm gonna have to ask you

to put that back.

Wait, does the Fenton store
have jetpacks?

Hey, Cheyenne, uh, how's it going?

Looks like this lovely lady
here would like to get

some hair regrowth treatment.

It's for me. I'm not embarrassed.

Yeah, no, you... you shouldn't be.

- So why don't w...
- Wait, no leave it!

Okay, you're ruining the display!

Cheyenne...

God, no one cares
about anything around here!

Female pattern baldness
runs in my family.

- I'm not embarrassed.
- Mm. Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry for freaking out
at the bald lady.

- I had low blood sugar.
- Yeah.

You know, actually, I went back
and checked the schedule,

and it turns out that Mateo
set up that endcap

on the day that he got
taken away by ICE.

Cool.

You know what?

Actually, um, the other day,
I got so mad at Emma

for wearing my pearl earrings,

and I was like, "Amy, what's going on?"

"They're just earrings."
But then I realized that those earrings

had been given to me by
somebody I loved dearly.

My grandma, who died.

Uh, she fell off of an escalator,

and... and cancer

It doesn't really matter how she died.

That's not the point of the story.

Got it.
Emma's dressing like an old lady,

And you want me to give her a makeover.

I think it's time.

No, I'm saying you miss Mateo

and that it might not
just be good for him

if you went and visited him.
It might be good for you, too.

Oh, wow, Amy. That's really smart,

and so wise.

Thanks for being such a good friend.

Aww.

Thank you.

Thanks for always looking out for me.

Thanks.

Wait, are you gonna go see Mateo?

♪ Curtains for my muumuu
curtains for my ball of yarn ♪

Hey! Excuse me!

- Someone is up here!
- Sorry.

- Jonah, make it stop!
- Sorry.

I thought he had the hang of it.

- Make it stop!
- I know, I'm on it...

Where is it taking me? Jonah!

Okay, none of us are in the FBI,

so claiming jurisdiction is a no go.

Garrett, where are we
with your connection

inside the detention
center's infirmary?

Exactly where we were when we started.

I don't have one.

Ooh, do these bridal
magazines belong to anyone?

'Cause I might want to take a look.

Oh, my God, Sandra,
do you ever stop talking?

- I...
- Answer me!

I don't know how to...

Just go.

Sorry about that, guys.

Oh, oh, okay.

Guys, this is kind of just
a big Roomba, all right?

Hey, I was gonna clean that spill.

- Oh, well, yeah.
- I need a spill.

Oh, no, Glenn, you don't
need to prove yourself.

- Refills are 49 cents.
- No, Gle...

Okay, here we go.

If you think that robot
is good at cleaning,

you should see Glenn the man.

Okay, Glenn the man, there's no reason

- to be threatened by this thing.
- Really?

'Cause first it took my name,
and then it pushed me out

of the way while I was working,
and now it took my spill.

I mean, maybe it should be
raising my child

and sleeping with Jerusha.

Hey, get away from that!

I said get away!

Oh, my God! Cheyenne!

Are you okay?

Do you feel like Cheyenne's
been acting weird lately?

Get him, Cheyenne! He's after my wife!

Probably asking the wrong person.

So, good news.
The robot is working fine,

and there's no need
to involve corporate,

so I'm not gonna write you up.

Okay, thanks, but you should
know that robot's a dumb-ass.

Everyone's been saying it.

Uh, Amy, there was a mix-up

and our vendor dropped all
of our frozen seafood

at the Bel-Ridge store,
but it's closed down now,

so it's, like, 40 pounds of
shrimp just sitting in the sun.

I mean, I'd go get a truck
and pick it up myself,

but I lost the feeling
in the bottom of my right foot

from a medically critical
case of athlete's foot.

Oh. Oh, no.

Well, um, I mean, I can drive a truck,

but I'm gonna need somebody
to help me load it.

Um, Cheyenne, why... why don't
you come with me?

Yeah, I guess, but I call
dibs on any loose shrimp.

- Deal.
- I'll come, too.

Girl's trip!

Um, this is more of a two-gal
shrimp job, you know?

Well, if Justine can go,

I should probably stay
and finish this endcap.

No, no, no.

The... the endcap can wait.

I really need you, Cheyenne.

I need you with me

'cause you are...

Screw it! Sandra, plan B!

Hey!

- I'm taking you to see Mateo.
- Sandra!

- Is this entirely necessary?
- Yes.

They can't stop four Mateos
from getting out of there.

- But they can stop some of us?
- Ideally, no.

Best case scenario, Mateo gets out.

Second best scenario, we all get out

but they keep Mateo.

Third best scenario,
they keep one of us

but Mateo gets out.
Fourth best scenario...

You can't have four best scenarios!

Glenn, you have to drop this

stupid vendetta against the robot.

I hate that thing too.
It stole from me.

I dropped my lotto scratcher
and it sucked it right up.

I was rushing to the men's
room 'cause I had to pee

and it was blocking the way.

I made it, but a few drops came out.

Jonah, I'm just shocked.

I mean, you of all people,
Mr. Labor Union,

taking that thing's side!

There are no sides, guys, okay?

Amy asked me as a favor
to watch the robot, and I am.

Believe me, I... I don't like
this... this automation stuff

any more than you guys do.
I... I get it, you know?

How can we compete with a machine

that doesn't get tired
or ask for health care

or... or a raise?

I mean, uh, we can't compete.

- No...
- It's the perfect employee.

That thing needs to go.

Yeah.

Well, it's still charging so
it can't go anywhere.

Jonah, step away from the robot.

Wait, Glenn, what's the end game here?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Stop.

Oh. Oh, that smells horrible.

What is that?

We're sneaking Mateo out to the sewer

so we needed to get used
to being in sewage.

And because the amount of actual sewage

we could get our hands on
was disappointing,

we had to come up with a substitute.

Lucky for us,
there was a dog food recall.

And the Manhattan Clam Chowder

in the cafe didn't sell.

Probably because it smells like this.

All right, surf's up.

Oh, wow. Oh, yeah.

It's chunkier than I thought. Ooh.

Oh, oh!

Dina, you are not seriously
gonna get in there.

Mm-hmm, I am.

Yep, that's just what we need
to do to free Mateo.

Come on in. The water's fine.

Oh... oh, God.

Okay, you know what?
That's it, I'm out.

Okay, here he goes.

He's gonna take a big dump
on our sewer.

Hey, no, I'm not gonna go
bathing in your rotten food.

I understand that you feel guilty,

but breaking Mateo
out of detention is insane.

Call me a bad guy. I don't care.

I'm done.

So what?
Now we'd only have three Mateos?

Two Mateos. I'm out, too.

Huh, two Mateos.

Now, that could work.

You know, I feel bad
showing up empty handed.

Oh, Mateo loves the baked ziti
from Tony Rotundo's.

Oh, but they're closed right
now for renovation,

- so I might have to...
- Cheyenne...

- Wait until next month.
- Let's just go see Mateo.

Amy, I can't go in there, okay?

I'm just gonna make things worse.

It's gonna be exactly like when
I would visit my mom in jail.

I would always just break down crying.

I'm sure you didn't
make things worse for her.

No, I did.

She would say, "Stop crying.
You're making things worse."

Oh, Cheyenne, your mom... wow.

Look, this is different.
Mateo wants to see you.

He's... he doesn't care if you're
happy or sad or whatever.

This is gonna be different. I promise.

But what if it's not?

- It will be.
- Yeah, okay.

Thanks, Amy.

- But what if it's not?
- We're going inside now!

Hey. How are you?

Good. I'm good.

Okay, cool. Well, bye.

No, Cheyenne.

So, um, do you wanna hear
about all the bad outfits

from the last week?

I was taking photos
on my phone for you,

but they wouldn't let me
bring my phone in.

Oh, my God. Yes, please.

Well, um, Justine wore her
Rosé All Day T-shirt

- twice in a row.
- Jesus.

And I'm the one who's locked up?

Oh, God.

So, um...

How are things, like, really?

Girl, it's bad in here.

It's cold and there aren't
enough blankets.

I mean, it is flat out disgusting.

And apparently this is one
of the nicer places.

The guards think all
undocumented people are Latinos

so they just keep yelling
at me in Spanish

and I don't understand
what they're saying.

I just... I just want to go home.

I know. I'm so sorry.

Hey, Dina, I know I kinda

went off on you
a little bit back there,

but before that, I was helping you

and Marcus out a lot,
so I was thinking maybe

I could get off the hook
and maybe eat my lunch again.

Get back into my sandals?

Uh-huh.

Is that Mateo?

Are you watching footage
from the ICE raid?

Yeah.

I was just thinking maybe
if I'd had him cut left

he could have doubled back
through appliances

- and hid in a dryer.
- Oh, stop.

Jesus. Dina, listen to me.

There's nothing you could
have done about that.

Maybe you're right.

Oh, I just hadn't felt
like myself in a long time.

Ever since you assassinated my birds.

Well, now, hold on a second.

Come to think of it,

I was way off my game that day.

There's no way I could have
found him an escape route.

It wasn't my fault.

It was your fault.

There we go.

Yeah, this is completely on you.

Oh, I feel so much better
having discovered this.

I got it.

Better turn my cameras live again

in case there's a
missing kid or something.

Oh, but this one has a timer.
That's useful.

Do you think that's more important

than the self-cleaning feature?

Yeah, I don't know,
but I'm engaged to Jerry,

and we're getting married,

and I'm gonna wear
a gorgeous white gown,

because I'm Jerry's bride
and I'm so happy,

and I just needed to tell someone.

Oh, this one makes it
right in a travel mug?

Uh, yes, please.

O... okay. Yeah.

Congratulations.

Um, Carol, I didn't know
that you were working today.

I just came to pick up my check.

You know, now that I think about it,

Jerry's proposal was probably a joke.

You know his sick sense of humor.

No.

Even when Jerry was with me,
his heart was with you.

- I'm happy for you.
- Really?

Yep. The best woman won.

No, no, no, no. Guys, come on.

Guy... no, absolutely not. No.

No robot is accidentally
going in the compactor.

- It's not happening.
- Jonah's right.

The robot is not going
in the compactor.

Okay, so nobody saw this happen.

Somehow the robot got
onto the service elevator

and made it to the roof.

I don't normally condone the
destruction of company property,

but I'd like to keep
the singularity from happening

for as long as possible, so have at it.

So this whole thing about you
not wanting to make any waves...

Yeah, I don't really care

what corporate thinks right now.

Works for me. Let's kill this thing.

About time. Kill Glen.

Kill Glen! Kill Glen!

The robot, not the man!

The robot, not the man!

Cheyenne, want to do the honors?

- Hell yeah.
- Yeah!

Yeah!

Bye-bye, "Westworld."

Yeah.

- Ooh.
- Bye-bye.

Take that, you hunk of junk!

Hey, hey, guys, guys, guys.

Huh?

Holy [bleep].

Sorry, Glen! It was an accident!