Superstore (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 18 - Glenn's Kids - full transcript

Okay, so,

everyone wash their hands,

not just for cacas, but
also for wee-wees.

And if you need help wiping,

well, just come see me, okay?

Obviously, that part is
just for the children.

I was gonna say, "Wee-wees too?"

Who washes their hand
after a wee-wee?

Can we take Marcus off
of produce, please?

Absolutely.

Glenn, I don't want to
tell you how to parent,



but one of your kids is drawing
on the back of Mateo's head.

What?

Leo, you put that down, mister.

This is why you can't
bring your kids to work.

It's just for a few hours.

I'm surprising Jerusha

with a photo of all the
kids we've ever fostered.

Obviously, we'll... we'll
Photoshop in the prison ones.

What... what is it?
What did he draw?

Mm, uhh, I don't think

I can say it in
front of the kids.

But... you have one,

but I don't.

But we both like them.



And sometimes they're curved...

Cheyenne, this is more
disturbing than the word.

How old's this one?

Uh, I'm 25. And I can talk.

Cool.

I'm around.

Uh, I'm just gonna ask.

What's going on with
little homey over here?

Uh, this is attachment
therapy for Timur's

displacement/rage issues.

Uh, it's going really
great so far, yeah.

Glenn, this one is
eating my breakfast.

T'Oliver, no!

You had two breakfast
pizzas on the way here.

Stop... stop it.

Stop eating his food!

Stop!

Stop it!

Stop! Stop eating.

I don't think he can hear you.

Hey, Mateo, what's...
what's going on, bud?

You know, just

making the most out
of a post-Jeff world.

Aww.

You can't eat the merchandise.

I'm gonna pay for it.

I'll make sure you do.

Okay, you know what

could help get your
mind off the breakup?

Is if you threw
yourself into the work.

Yeah.

That's easy for you to say.

Everything around here
reminds me of him.

Oh, my God!

Did everyone become bald
overnight or something?

Hey.

I know this is tough for you,

but just know that

Jeff wasn't attractive at all.

I don't know what was going
on from the waist down,

but this...

was a mess.

You're welcome.

You thought Jeff was hot, right?

And for my final trick,

I will put this straw

into my brain... oh, oh.

Whoa!

- Cool!
- Awesome!

It got stuck, yeah.

I knew I recognized
you from somewhere.

Oh, yeah?

You performed in
Vegas, didn't you?

Oh, yeah, but, uh, then I quit

to pursue my true passion,

marking down Martin
Lawrence DVDs.

Well, just don't let my
dad see you doing magic.

Ah.

He's not a fan of the dark arts.

Oh, no, yeah, that's
the devil's work.

Mm.

I have to know what it was like

having Glenn as a dad.

It was great, you know.
He's sweet, understanding.

He did try to start a
family band three times.

Oh, I'm gonna have to see
video of that immediately.

- Immediately?
- Immediately, yeah.

Whoa-ho! The greatest
magic trick of all.

Yeah, we went to a lot
of tent revivals.

No way.

Before you started here,

our photo studio had
tons of backdrops.

Like waterfalls, jungles,

the living room from
"Seinfeld," you name it.

But who would pay to
have their photo taken?

Mostly families.

Oh, and lonely women with dogs.

Oh! Oh-whoa... wait, sweetie.

No, wait, no. Thanks.

Bobbie Sue, you
need to stay close.

Papa's got his hands full.

Oh, you know, I could watch her

while you finish setting up.

You think you can handle it?

Glenn, I'm a mom.

Okay then, that would be great.

Oh, just one tip.

Don't let her put
marbles in her mouth.

Uh, don't let
anything fall on her.

Okay.

And also, don't let her get wet.

And don't feed her
after midnight.

Just kidding, that's
from "Gremlins."

- If you played for my team...
- Yeah?

Like, you would totally
be into Jeff, right?

N... he wouldn't even be in
the top five, to be honest.

Not...

Oh, check this out.
Kids love me.

Hey there, kiddos.

Do you guys like Batman?

'Cause I think I saw him
over in Housewares.

You know,

Batman.

From... from the movies.

"I'm Batman!"

Really?

All right, never mind,
these kids are duds.

Move. Excuse me.

Do you always work so slow?

Yeah, I bet I could
do that faster.

What? No way, okay?

I could totally...

Actually.

I bet there's no way you
can do this entire display

by 2:00.

- Oh, yeah?
- I'ma show you right now.

- We can.
- Good.

You guys keep doing that,

and I'll keep on checking
Jeff's Instagram.

Oh, wow.

Look who's training
for a 5K now.

♪

Thanks, Timur.

Another one.

Oh, Amy, Amy.

Amy.

What do you make of that?

Oh.

The woman drinking red
wine out of her purse?

Yeah, I think she's
an alcoholic.

No-no-no-no, past her.
Kristen and Jonah.

Oh.

Wait, do you think
they're flirting?

Um.

Yeah, I... maybe. Maybe.

Well, that's just...

a disaster!

Why? You... you love Jonah.

Yeah, I do,

but Kristen's had it tough.

You know, and now she's
finally on a good path.

And I don't want anything
to get in her way.

Well, I mean, isn't
she in law school?

Uh, she's got a good
head on her shoulders.

Yeah, until, you
know, she falls for

"Mr. B-School
Dropout" over there.

Next thing you know,
she's ditching classes

so she can get all bortched
up and lie on her back,

watching airplanes land.

Uh, well, look,
Glenn, who knows.

Maybe Jonah's gonna say
something like, "joie de vivre"

and she won't even want
to go out with him.

Oh, come on.

You're talking about Jonah.

Who doesn't fall in with Jonah?

So gorgeous.

Okay.

Ah.

Look, Bobbie Sue, you're
puking a rainbow.

It's funny, huh?

Okay, so like I was saying,

in "Step Up 5," they're all in,

but then in "Step Up 6,"

they're all out.

Damn.

You'd think at least one
of them would be in.

No.

Hey, Bobbie Sue...

Bobbie Sue?

Bobbie Sue?

Bobbie Sue!

Bobbie Sue?

- Bobbie Sue.
- Bobbie Sue!

Bobbie Sue.

I don't see her anywhere.

She's got to be somewhere.

- What are you doing in here?
Both: Oh, uh...

- Scavenger hunt.
- Making out.

Yeah, I'm not buying it.

Either fess up or get out,
because I was about to

take off my pants
and eat my lunch.

How... is... why?

I lost one of Glenn's
foster kids.

We're looking on the security
cameras, but we can't find her.

There's a missing child?

It's finally happening.

Al, we've got a code periwinkle,
we need to lock down access

both in and out of every
entrance and exit...

This... Marcus.

Out today.

Okay, Marcus, you're gonna need to hold
down the button when you talk, buddy.

Over.

No, Marcus, you need to hold
down the button when you talk,

not when you're listening.

Excuse me, ma'am, do you know
how to work one of these?

Forget it. Okay. Here's
how this is gonna go.

We are gonna go out
onto the floor,

fan out and search every
inch of this store.

We will find this child.

Thanks, Dina.

Unless she's already dead.

Statistically speaking, there's a
30% chance we're already too late.

Beep, beep, beep.

Yes, beep, beep, beep.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Hey, so, you probably met

some of Glenn's
kids before, right?

Like, um, like that,
like, Kristen

or one of the other ones?

Yeah, mm-hmm, he brings
them by from time to time.

And once, a couple of them
hung out in the break room

for a whole week while
Jerusha got her legs done.

I don't know what that means.

Yeah, we were too afraid to ask.

But, um, but, yeah,

that... that, uh, Kristen,

she... she seems...
she seems cool.

Right, I mean, like,

you know, like, cool, like, like

"it wouldn't even be weird if I
asked her out" kind of cool.

I don't know, I mean,

she is the boss' daughter.

Yeah, I know, I... that's...

uh, that's... that's...
I know that.

I just sort of kind of felt like

we had a connection, you know?

Yeah, but you're always

"having connections"
with people.

It's one of the many, many
annoying things about you.

So it's not that you're

super jealous and
in love with me

and want me all to yourself?

Uh, okay.

First of all,

ew.

Second of all, this
is strictly about

Kristen being your
boss' daughter.

And third of all, which
is gonna sound similar

to the first of all, ew.

What was the first one again?

Ew.

Bobbie Sue?

Give me a Bobbie Sue, come on.
Come on.

Bobbie Sue?

Bobbie Sue!

Attention Cloud 9 shoppers.

Please ignore the
following announcement.

Bobbie Sue, where are you?

Clear!

Clear!

♪

Oh, have you seen a little girl?

Really cute hair?

Bobbie Sue?

Come to the front of the
store for free candy.

The man with wheels has free...

hey, what's up?

Free candy.

Hey!

Oh, grow up, that's nothing
I haven't seen before.

Bobbie Sue. Come on.

Bobbie Sue?

Where are you?

See, it says right here,
"Bobby Suh," that's me.

I was talking about a
different Bobbie Sue.

It doesn't matter. You
said Bobby Suh gets candy.

I'm Bobby Suh.

I understand that, phonetically,
your name is Bobby Suh,

but I was looking
for someone else.

No sign of her.

I checked the freezer,
the trash compactor,

the biowaste bin in Pharmacy.

Oh, my God! What
are we gonna do?

Don't worry, we're
gonna find her.

I also checked the
ovens in Cafe.

She's either not in there or
she's been in there too long.

♪ Rock ♪

♪

Hey, Glenn.

What's up, big guy?

So, Glenn, um, I was talking
to Kristen earlier.

Mm-hmm?

And... if it's okay with you...

I was thinking about
maybe asking her out.

You and my little girl?

I love it!

Really?

B... because some
people thought it

might actually be a bad idea.

You know, Glenn,

it's totally appropriate

to say no if you want to.

"No"? Are you kidding me?

In fact, if you don't go
and ask her out right now,

I am gonna kill myself.

And I know exactly how
many aspirin to take.

Uh...

awesome, great. Okay, cool.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna go
find her then, all right?

And no need for anyone to die.

Okay, will you stop
gabbling and go already?

All right. I'll catch
you later, brother.

Not brother brother...
you know what I meant.

All right.

This is a disaster.

Why didn't you just say no?

I can't be the bad guy.

The last time I meddled
in Kristen's love life,

she didn't talk
to me for a week.

Can you talk to her?

What...

Come on, you are so good
at being the bad guy.

What? I'm not the bad guy.

I'm the fun good guy.

Okay.

Yeah, all right, I'll
see what I can do.

Hey, Kristen.

Mm... mm.

Pretzel.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry, it's really dry.

Okay, I'll just start.

Um, so, uh, uh,

you and Jonah.

Seems like you guys are
really hitting it off.

Yeah, we are.

Yeah, I... I don't... I
don't know about that.

Wait, why?

He seems nice.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, sure, but, uh,

trust me, there is...
there is baggage there.

Like, um,

he talks way too
much about cheese.

And you don't want that.

The last guy I dated
stole all my jewelry.

Yeah.

Uh, well, it's not...
it's not just cheese.

He's got other stuff.

Like... like... he...
like he has this

list of French films that
he says he's gonna watch,

and he never will.

You know, honestly, I mean, none
of that seems that bad to me.

Great. Cool.

Well, I just... I just
wanted to make sure

that you were aware of the...

the cheese and the... the films.

And the meth.

Wait, the meth?

Yeah.

Crystal meth, he
smokes a ton of it.

Is that... is that
a deal-breaker?

Kinda.

Oh.

Darn.

Probably should
have led with that.

Does anyone even
like black licorice?

Yeah, other than that,
this is a foolproof plan.

Thanks.

Now, who does the
best toddler calls?

Attention baby shoppers.

There is free candy
in toy department.

Come on, little babies.

Come get the candy.

- Stop, stop, man...
- What?

It's not working.

What you... you try it.

Hey, baby.

Come get this candy.

Come on.

♪ And you've gone too far ♪

♪ 'Cause you know it
don't matter anyway ♪

♪ Rich girl ♪

♪ You can rely on the old... ♪

Ah, your tiny arms are
perfect for cleaning.

I'm jealous.

I mean, not really.

I would look so dumb
with arms like yours.

What's this?

Oh, my God, my key chain.

I was looking for these.

Jeff gave this to me
on Valentine's Day

'cause I'm always
losing my keys.

And then we DTR'd...

defined the relationship.

Who's Jeff?

Nobody. It's none
of your business.

But if you must
know, he's my ex.

He's also a district manager,
so he's kind of a big deal.

And you guys aren't
friends anymore?

Oh, honey...

Let me tell you a story
about a man named Jeff

and why you shouldn't
date white guys.

Hey.

I'm supposed to be in Pharmacy,
but I need to switch.

Why?

Well, with my raging
drug addiction,

I probably shouldn't
be near cough syrup.

Okay, um, let me start by saying

I did not want to get involved.

Really? Because
you got involved.

In a real weird way.

Yes. I did.

But the truth is, is that Glenn

does not want you
dating Kristen.

He said he was fine with it.

Yes. He said that.

And then as soon as
you walked away,

he said he wasn't.

Jonah, why would you
go down this road?

There are plenty of other women.

Not here, but...

you know what I mean.

♪ Kyrie Eleison down the
road that I must travel ♪

♪ Kyrie Eleison through
the darkness of the... ♪

Hey, uh, can I, uh,

can I talk to you for a second?

Me or Timur?

Uh, we're actually... we're both
pretty slammed right now, so maybe...

Glenn, if... if you don't

want me to date Kristen...

- Glenn?
- Mm-hmm?

Can... can you... can
you turn off the...

I can't hear you!

The... the drill? Could
you turn off the drill?

- Huh?
- The drill, right here?

Amy told me the truth.

Yeah? Well, I...

I wouldn't necessarily
believe everything Amy says,

if you know what I mean.

No, I have no idea
what you mean.

Why would she make that up?

Maybe she has a crush on
you and she's jealous.

I mean, it's obvious, right?

Amy?

Are we talking about
the same Amy?

I don't know.

I'm sorry, I gotta
get these squirrels.

I got so many squirrels, Jonah.

Let...

Okay. Thank you.

Don't look at me like that.

I know what I did.

♪ I'm free to do what I want ♪

♪ Any old time ♪

Okay, everybody is saying
something different,

so none of us are
gonna leave here

until we figure out what
the hell is going on.

Dad, did you tell Amy to stop
me from going out with Jonah?

What? No.

Amy, is that true?

Uh-huh.

Then w... why did
you say he did?

I...

I...

I don't have a good
answer for that.

Because Glenn said
it was because

you're jealous and you
have a crush on me.

I don't... Glenn.

Well, that's what you
told me, remember?

You said you were
in love with Jonah.

You couldn't stop saying it.

I did not say that.

I would never say that.

He's lying.

She's lying.

She's a sassy little liar.

Yeah, blonde hair? Yeah right.

Her whole head's a lie.

Glenn, everyone knows
I dyed my hair...

Okay, enough, enough, enough!
Dad.

Look, just tell me the truth.

Are you really meddling again?

It's like your doing everything
you can to push me away.

Well, I g...

honey, I love you so much...

Glenn had nothing to do with it.

Really?

I made up all of that
stuff about Jonah

because...

I am jealous.

But Papa Glenn said...

Timur, shut your cake hole!
You're being rude.

I have a little crush on Jonah

so I made up all of those lies.

Glenn is right; I am a sassy
little liar, and I am very sorry.

You think you know people, huh?

It's like you can want
something so badly, but,

you know, sometimes
love just isn't enough.

Sorry.

I forget you're children.

Your simple minds can't
imagine what it's like

to have everything
you care about

just taken away from you.

One time my mom got
a new boyfriend

and they left me at PetSmart.

Okay.

Only Leo knows what
I'm going through.

There are four
Jeffs in my class.

Okay, dummy.

There are a lot of Jeffs.

But... you're right.

There are other Jeffs out there.

Out of the mouths of babes.

I think we already
looked down this aisle.

She could be literally anywhere.

You really think she
can fit in there?

No, I'm thinking about
buying a new canteen.

I lost my old one.

I can't believe I
lost Glenn's child.

Everyone told me I was
too young to have a kid

and this proves it.

Will all Sturgis children

please make their way to Music?

It's family photo time.

What am I gonna do?

Do... do I give him Harmonica?

She is younger.

That's kind of a
better deal actually.

Oh, my God!

Bobbie Sue!

♪

Oh! I knew... I
knew we'd find you!

Yes, oh!

Well, technically, I found her.

It was my trap.

Just let her have this one.

It was my trap, though.

Nine, ten... get your stuff.

Uh, ten, 11, 12...

Here's Bobbie Sue.

- Hey.
- I definitely didn't lose her.

Okay, bye.

Oh... okay.

Has everyone got their stuff?
Okay. All right.

So is Jerusha a big "Lord
of the Rings" fan?

Uh, no, this is "Willow."

What's "Lord of the Rings"?

Okay, guys, on three.

One...

I should tell you, I'm giving
Myrtle a ride home later.

I just... I don't want
you to fight her.

I know you hate seeing
me with other women.

I didn't press the button.
Hold on.

I know you were
covering for Glenn.

Thank God.

I mean, no offense, but ew.

Uhh, nope. That wasn't good.

I got half of you in the frame,

and the other half are...
are out.

So that... that's my fault.

Hey, Jonah, why don't
you come in for one?

You know, just in case you
wind up joining the family.

Um, sure.

Seems wildly premature,
but why not?

- Okay.
- Come here.

Wow, good thing you
already look like an elf.

So Jonah and Glenn's
daughter, huh?

Yeah.

What, what are you laughing at?

Don't tell her.

♪

Okay, guys, on three,
say "Jerusha."

One.

Two.

If you hurt her,

I will murder you in real
life until you're dead.

Three!

All: Jerusha!

- Ah, no.
- No?

Mm-mm. That's on me.