Superstore (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 14 - Super Hot Store - full transcript

Attention Cloud 9 shoppers.

We do apologise for the
heat in the store today.

The temperature is
controlled by corporate,

and we are working on it.

And though I am thankful

for all of you who have
taken the time to tell me

that it is hot in here,

the next person who does,

I'ma have to murder.

That is all.

How about you cool it
with the attitude?



- Not today, Dina.
- What, you think you're

the only person
that's uncomfortable?

My pelvic area is like the
Gulf Coast right now.

Seriously, I could steam
shellfish in these khakis.

- Good God.
- If you can't

be professional, stay
off the airwaves.

Whoa, keep your hands off
Thor's hammer. Come on.

No, it's... no, absolutely not.

- It's mine now.
- Oh, yeah?

- How about it?
- Boom.

What about that? Round two.

Is that your own
personal microphone?

Yeah. I carry this one with me.

Guys. Guys, come on.



I know it's hot in here,
but let's breathe.

Let's have some patience
for one another.

Yeah, you know, the
heat makes us all

act irrationally,
you know, I mean...

If your face stays where it
is, it's gonna get punched.

- I was just saying...
- Punched.

♪

God, the heat really brings
out your age, doesn't it?

Dina, I am trying to keep a
positive attitude today,

so help me out, okay?

Yeah, sure. Sorry.

So did you eat a lot of
French onion soup last night,

or is that just the natural
scent your body secretes?

You just have a
very unique musk.

It's thick. It's, like, swampy.

- Okay.
- It's like a swampy musk.

- I'm walking away. Bye.
- It's not bad.

What? No offense.

Yeah, so anyway,

the heat's really
blasting away over here,

and since you guys set
the temperatures,

I was hoping you
could turn it off.

No problem. I can
help you with that.

- Thank you.
- And my computer says

you're at 66 degrees,
so that's perfect.

Well... well, no.

Maybe your computer's
not working,

'cause I can assure you it is
extremely warm in the store.

Mm-hmm, yeah. In my experience,

computers don't
make the mistakes.

People do.

I'm just gonna put
a note on here

that says "manager error."

It is not an error.

I know what hot is,

and I am very, very hot.

I'm sure you are. Please hold.

What...

Marcus, what do you
know about this pallet?

Are you asking 'cause I'm in
charge of the warehouse now?

'Cause you heard I'm in charge
of the warehouse now, right?

I did. Yeah.

A promotion with no raise.
Well done.

Thank you. It just goes to show

you keep your head
down, you do the work,

get your thumb cut off,
and agree not to sue,

anything can happen.

Okay. So you can clean this up?

I got a lot on my
plate right now,

uh, but sure, yeah,
I'll take care of it.

You know what they say:

heavy is the head
that wears the pants.

Okay.

It's Shakespeare.

Maybe pick up a book
once in a while.

Hey, Glenn, I just wanted
to check on the ETA of...

Ooh, it is pleasant
as hell in here.

Well, yeah, I had to
turn on the AC...

in February!

Can you believe that?

I'm trying to get
them to fix it,

but, my God, these people!

So while everybody's out
there boiling in the heat,

you just sitting in here
in your ivory ice tower?

I'm doing everything I can.

Are you?

'Cause your people
are counting on you.

So maybe this isn't
about asking for help.

Maybe this is about...

11:35?

- Keep guessing.
- It's about...

time I fixed the heat myself?

Okay, I can work with that.
Yes, Glenn.

Get out there and fix that
heating system or whatever.

Yeah, I can. I... I'm
gonna fix it myself.

Yeah. That's what I'm doing.

- Okay.
- Doing that right now.

Yeah, go fix it. And
take your time!

It's about the journey!

Ooh, max cool.

That's what I'm all about.

Ugh, can you stay on your side?

You're getting your gross
guy heat all over me.

Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better?
Is this helping?

- No!
- You like that?

It's worse! It's grosser!

Oh, my God, you are
such a drama queen.

You're disgusting.

I am really sorry.

I just thought leather
pants would look cool.

I didn't realize they'd
stick to sweaty legs.

It's fine. It's not
real leather anyway.

It's made out of
recycled soda bottles.

I'm going to this mixer
for single IT guys.

Yeah? You gonna meet some women?

No. Just other IT guys.

Well, they're gonna
love these pants.

Uh, hey, Amy?

This woman slipped on some
yogurt in Grocery, and, uh...

No! No... Marcus was su...

Okay, um, I'll be right back.

Just wait here, ma'am.

Here you are.

I'm in IT.

Ooh! Ahhh!

Oh, shut the door. You're
letting the air out.

Are you Glenn?

'Cause this is Glenn's office,
but you don't look like Glenn.

Unless Glenn completely changed

everything about
the way he looks,

or Glenn's actually always
looked like Garrett

but has just been wearing
a mask all these years.

I'll get to the point. I
know you're not Glenn.

Wow. Well, you figured
that one out.

Look, I'm just taking a
break from the heat.

Yeah, it is a lot
cooler in here.

I mean, a gal could dry her pants out
all the way in a place like this.

Marcus, a customer just
slipped on the spill.

Yeah, sorry, Ames.
We'll get to it.

We're all just pretty
hot back here.

Yeah, no, I get it.
It's hot everywhere.

But you said you'd clean it up.

Okay. Relax.

There's no need
to get emotional.

Emotional? Am I... am
I getting emotional?

Kind of?

Okay, you know what?
It's not a big deal.

Just needs to get cleaned up.
I'll have one of my guys do it.

Much apreesh.

Oh, and hey, Ames, smile.

You'll live longer.

Did you just tell me to smile?

Yeah, you little sourpuss.

Attention, employees.

Do not clean up the
yogurt spill in Grocery.

This is a warehouse problem,

and it will be cleaned up
when they clean it up.

Go to hell, Marcus.

Excuse me. It's a
little hot in here.

We are aware of it!

Okay.

Have a heavenly day.

♪

I cannot believe he
told me to smile.

Yeah. That's so out of line.

I completely agree.

Would it help if I
just cleaned it up?

'Cause I really, really
want to clean it up.

Like, really.

Do not touch this spill.

Okay, leaving it to fester.

You know what? Maybe let's just
let this one go, you know?

Because the... the heat.

And also, maybe the heat is
causing, like, a number of us

to act in ways that seem
a little, I don't know,

uh, overboard.

So what are you saying?

We should let Marcus off
the hook because it's hot?

No. No. No. It's just...

remembering that all of us are
in the hot store, you know?

Including me, Mateo, you.

Yeah, I know,

and we're staying
cool as cucumbers.

- Okay.
- Mateo!

What is wrong with people today?

Whoa!

What a view!

Now I get why Brett's always
trying to make me come up here

and smoke out with him.

Yeah, well, this
shouldn't take long.

Your job is to hand me the tools

as I need them, okay?

Wow, you're so handy.

It's "handsy." Plural.

But yeah, the Sturgises
have always been builders.

In fact, my ancestors
built the ships

that brought the very
first African-Americans

to this country.

You mean, like, slave ships?

No!

No.

Uh, okay, well, let's see
what we're dealing with here.

Whoa! I can't believe you
know how to fix that.

Well, I definitely do,

so why don't you just, uh,
be quiet and shut up?

Do you have to make that noise?

I've got a really bad itch
at the back of my throat.

You know how they say
people swallow, on average,

three spiders per year
while you're asleep?

I think, last night,
I hit my trifecta.

Ugh.

Yep, that pen still clicks.

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I bugging you?

Oh, it's not your fault. You're
just an annoying person.

Look, let's be adults
and just not talk.

Fine with me.

You remember that
time we had sex?

What the hell? Take
off your pants.

Thank you both for
agreeing to sit down.

Uh, mistakes were made.

Some things were said

that I'm sure both
parties regret.

She told me to go to hell.
I'm Catholic.

That's the worst
place we can go.

Well, at least I didn't
tell you to smile.

What's wrong with that?
You have a nice smile.

I have an amazing smile.
It lights up a room.

But you don't tell me
when to smile, Marcus.

I will smile when I
damn well please.

Fine. I'm sorry if
you felt offended.

I just forgot how
sensitive women can be.

Marcus, no.

So now I'm sensitive.

Well, how's this for
sensitive, Marcus?

I am writing you up.

Uh-oh, guys. Miss Amy's
writing my name on the board.

That's...

Oh, you think that's funny?

Yeah, 'cause you were being
like an uptight teacher.

What did we say
about deescalating?

More like I'm your superior

at a job you used
to have, Marcus.

You're fired.

You're firing me? For nothing?

No, no, no, no, no, no. No!

Let's back it up, okay?

Uh, nobody is getting fired.

And it's not
"nothing," all right?

I think what happened was,
maybe you said some things

that tapped into kind of a
gender/power matrix, so...

Ugh, seriously, dude, you're
being a bigger bitch than Amy.

Marcus, you're fired.

Oh...

Okay, so...

you may have heard that
we had an incident.

We had to let Marcus go.

- What?
- What?

Are you allowed to fire people?

That's unclear. Probably.

I don't know. He
seemed to think so.

Anyway, the rest
of the warehouse

walked out in
solidarity with him.

Yeah. They're
surprisingly loyal.

Apparently he promised them he
was ushering in a new era, so...

So we are going to
unload this truck.

Do we even know how
to unload a truck?

Because I came back here once
when they were doing it,

and it is very elaborate
and choreographed.

I mean, it was poppin'.
It was hummin'.

It was like boom! Boom! Shabam!

Boom, boom! Alakazam! Sha-pow!

Guys, it's fine, okay?

I've got the manual,

so, you know, all
we need, really,

are two people
throwing the truck,

one pushing the line,
one on bulk transition,

two pulling pallets,
three pre-pushing HBA,

and one person bowling C and D.

Okay, so that sounds great.

Let's do that.

♪ We could dance and
party all night ♪

♪ And drink some
cherry wine, uh-huh ♪

♪ We don't have to take our... ♪

So, uh, what are you
thinking about?

What are you doing?
What is that?

I don't know. Just, I thought...

I thought that's something
that people say after...

- Oh.
- Um...

Am I supposed to ask you
what you're thinking about?

- No.
- Because I can if you want.

- Please don't.
- Okay. Sure.

Glenn? I need to talk to you.

I think the heat may be
getting to Jonah and Amy.

They may have gone... and I
try not to use this term...

cray-cray.

They've gone cray-cray.

They're both cray-cray!

Hello!

- All right, let's just go...
- Shh!

It could be a fake walk-away.

He's probably still listening.

Why would he do a
fake walk-away?

I always do a
fake-out walk-away.

Then I can hear what people
are really saying about me.

And what are they
saying about you?

Oh, it's never good.

It looks really complicated.

Yeah, well,

everything's
computerized nowadays.

But it's still the
same basic guts.

Let me just try
diagnostics here.

Uh... ooh, uh...

Oh, uh...

Okay, I seem to have
changed the language.

Okay, guys. Good work.

I know we're all tired,
but we're getting there.

We've only got, like,
200 more boxes.

Almost there.

Where's the scanner?

I've got it. But I kind of
got walled in over here.

Don't worry, Sandra.
Everything's gonna be okay.

Just toss the
scanner over to us.

Ow! Scanner's broken.

♪ She's fresh, she's fresh ♪

♪ Exciting ♪

♪ She's so exciting to me ♪

I can't even help
my own employees

when they need me the most.

That's not true. You
help us all the time.

Like how?

Oh, you want examples?

Okay, um,

oh, well, we wouldn't be able

to come in to work
in the morning

if you didn't unlock the doors.

Actually, nowadays it's all

opened automatically
by computers.

Okay, but who turns
on the computer?

Corporate does.

Really? That's awesome.

Ha. Hmm.

There's absolutely no reason
whatsoever for me to be here.

I'm just a pathetic,
useless old man,

apparently descended
from slave traders.

You're not that old.
What are you, like, 40?

57.

Holy.

Should you be up this high?

So...

sex again?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, bend your knees this time.

Okay. Will you...
can you guide me?

Guide you? I'm walking backwards.
You guide me.

I know, but I can't...
I can't see.

Okay, well, all I see
is the box in my face.

Slow down! Slow down! Slow down!

Ow! Ow.

Amy! Oh, God, um... Oh, okay.

Guys, are you okay?

Stand back. I'm gonna
break through.

Guys, I can't break through.

Hello?

Hello!

Is anybody coming
back to help me?

I know this doesn't
help that much,

but you can really take a fall.

You ever considered a
career as a pro wrestler?

Actually, yes.

When I was a kid, I wanted
to be The Ultimate Warrior.

I had the arm ribbons
and everything.

I did.

Did you have the
big, poufy hair?

Yes.

Breeze feels good.

Yeah.

I'm starting to feel like
a normal person again.

That heat was making me insane.

Yeah.

We fired Marcus.

Like, if you could do anything,

what would you do?

I've always wanted to travel.

Oh, yeah. Me too.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Like, I hear that in some
of the McDonald's in Asia,

they serve spaghetti.

- No way!
- Yeah.

God, I would love to see that!

Wait.

We should just go!

- Oh, what?
- Yeah.

We should just travel
the world together,

you and me.

Oh, well, I mean, I...

You know, I have a baby,

and then there's Bo,

and I'm still
finishing up school,

and we haven't really spent
that much time together.

No. No.

Yeah.

Okay, fine. We can
travel the world.

Yeah?

Sure.

Oh... oh, man.

We're gonna have to
get so many shots!

Listen, I'm just saying

if you put that much
effort into your work...

Can we not turn this into
a job review, please?

Hello? Mr. Sturgis,
are you still there?

Uh, yes, this is Glenn Sturgis.

I wear a tie with clouds on it.

Thanks for your patience.

We've finally resolved
the heating issue.

Turns out, it was a problem
with our computers.

It's now been fixed,
and the store

should already be
cooling back down.

Oh, okay, great.

Hallelujah!

Well, I guess, uh, we
can go back to work.

Ugh, finally.

Hey, uh, I normally
wouldn't say this,

but, uh, I had a good time
having sex with you today.

Yeah. Me too. You're...
good at it.

- Thanks.
- Yeah. But it's, uh,

not gonna happen again.

- Oh, no, definitely not.
- It might, though.

Hey, you know what? If it did,
wouldn't be opposed to it.

Me too.

But just... just the sex part.

I find the rest
of you repulsive.

Oh, the sound of your
voice makes me want

to punch myself in the throat.

Yeah.

I just totally lost it.

I mean, I don't have the
authority to fire Marcus.

Oh, yeah, no, we were, uh...
we were out of our minds.

Ugh. We're gonna have
to swallow our pride

and beg him to come back.

- Oof.
- Marcus,

who thinks drinking
water is a scam.

Marcus, who once said,
"Bedsheets are for losers."

And who's, um, coming
here right now.

Hey, Marcus, um,
we need to talk.

Totally. I am so sorry.

I went for a drive, I
cooled down a lot...

'cause my car
doesn't have doors,

and I thought about today.

And I said some things
about both of you

that were uncalled for.

I think the heat must
have gotten to me.

I'm really sorry.

Well, um, today is
your lucky day,

because I haven't filed
the paperwork yet.

So I'm gonna let you off
with a warning this time.

- That's big of you.
- Thank you.

So we can just all
come back to work.

- Sure. Whatever.
- And then maybe we should

grab dinner or
something tonight.

- Yeah...
- Just, like, to, you know,

hash it all out so we can all
be cool with each other.

That's probably
not gonna happen.

We'll keep it open.
We'll keep it open.

- Okay. All right.
- Sure.

Thank you guys.

Oh, there's that smile.

I don't know. I can't decide.

Should we go London,
Atlantis, Hong Kong...

right, it's... Uhhuh.

And then... or London,
Hong Kong, Atlantis?

- Uh, yeah.
- It's confusing.

Oh, wait a minute, Glenn.

It's cool in here again.

Wait. How?

You fixed it!

I did?

Oh, my God, I did.

Ha!

Oh, no!

What?

I really wanted us to
travel the world together,

but I-I feel like the
store needs you.

- Yeah, it does.
- Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

When you get to Macau,

you buy yourself some
McNoodles, kiddo.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Bon voyage.

Oh! Ooh!

What the...

Oh, Glenn, are you okay?

Oh, do you need help?

No, I'm good.

Maybe just try to...

Maybe if you roll out of it?

Yeah, swim! Swim out of it!

Okay. Mm.

You're not going anywhere.