Superstore (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - All-Nighter - full transcript

The staff are waiting for a truck to deliver new Cloud 9 signs that they'll have to hang by morning, until Glenn announces that the truck is delayed and they're locked in the store and are in for a long night.

Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers,

the store has been
closed for 20 minutes.

Many of us would like to leave.

So, if you're still
in the store,

you're being a dick.

Don't be a dick.

It's tough, because
I have to live

with this trash can, you know?

Right. No, I get it.

It's a very big decision.

So, you know, maybe you could
go home tonight, sleep on it,



and decide tomorrow?

No, "decide tomorrow" is
what I said yesterday.

If I don't get home and
study for my midterm,

I'm totally screwed.

Oh, hey, you look so cute.

Thank you.

It's my senior dance
recital tonight.

What? Why didn't you tell us?

Well, I can't perform
because of, you know, this.

Oh.

But I'm gonna go and cheer
on the other girls.

Yeah, if this bozo
ever leaves the store.

Hey, Myrtle, go bust out
your hysterectomy story.

It's all right. I got it.



It was 1953,

and medical science
was all the rage.

The thing is, you just sent
us the shipment of signs now,

and I'd hate to keep people late

on a Friday evening
to hang them all up.

So, if anyone gets this message,
could you call me back, please?

It's Glenn.

- Sir...
- Oh, sorry.

Oh, oh, so sorry, sir.

- Sir, I can't quite...
- Oh, I am in the way.

- Yeah.
- Duty calls.

- Sorry.
- I can't seem to...

There's a spot right over there.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Hey, is that "Die Hard 2"?

That is the best "Die Hard."

Have a heavenly night.

Okay.

- Whoo - Hoo!

- Oh, yeah!
- Yeah!

Oh, great job, Mateo. Great job.

Hey, we're all staying
late to do more work.

I'm so sorry.

I just found out about it.

I feel terrible about this.

Whoo-hoo!

I'm stuck at work for an hour
or two, but save my seat.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

You have to get here, bitch.

I know, bitch.

Birds, it's Mommy. Listen up.

Scout, Taffy, FDR, Pikachu,
you guys are in charge,

so act like the leaders
I know that you are.

Now, cockatoos, I assume you
can't hear me right now

since you should all
be asleep already.

Okay, heads down.

♪ Too la loo ra loo ral ♪

♪ Too la loo ra li ♪

Ooh, corporate messed up.

Those are the same signs
we just took down.

I don't think so.

Mm-Hmm.

Nope, they say the old signs

were this pale, outdated color
called "Glossy Dolphin."

The new ones are a
bold, exciting color

called "Glossy Dolphin B."

This is kind of fun, right?

Being up high like this?

Reminds me of my indoor
rock-climbing days.

I just need to get home
to study for my midterm.

Midterm.

- That takes me back.
- Mm-hmm.

Cramming for tests...
or trying to.

Half the time, I'd just
end up getting drunk

in someone's dorm room

and spend the whole night
having "deep conversations."

That's so fun.

Did I ever tell you the
story about that one time

when I went to college
as a grown-up

and I had to go work and I had
all these responsibilities?

It's a laugh riot.

You don't have to hold
the ladder, you know.

I'm not gonna let you fall...

not on my watch.

What?

- Oh, hey, look at that.
- Ooh.

Ooh, cool move, cowboy.

What, this?

I was born with a
drill in my hand.

My family used to own
a hardware store...

Sturgis and Sons?

Oh.

Yeah, for 59 years,

the name "Sturgis" was
synonymous with tools...

Well, until Cloud 9
moved in up the street,

and then a month later,
we lost everything.

Hey, has anyone seen
the laser level?

Doesn't it make you a little
angry to be working for them?

Oh, I don't waste
my time with anger.

Oh.

Look at that. I hit my finger.

That looked pretty serious.

Did the lights go out?

Oh, come on.

Glenn, what's up
with the lights?

I'm kind of in a rush.

Actually, the lights are
controlled by corporate.

What?

Every night at a certain time,

the lights dim, and the
doors automatically lock.

All the doors lock?

Yep.

Excuse me.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Are you kidding me?

No!

Oh, God.

Okay, the bad news
is we're locked in.

Dina and I will go to my office

and look for the
lock override code.

In the meantime, you guys
keep putting up signs.

You can make a game out of it.

You can call the game
"Signage Fever."

I am not playing that game.

- Guys...
- No.

You don't even know
what I was gonna say.

I know that every time
you start a sentence

with, "Guys," you end it with,

"Let's make the best of
this," or, "Let's have fun."

You never say, "Guys,
this really sucks."

Guys, we have the entire
store to ourselves.

We could do whatever we want.

If we decide that
this is gonna be fun,

then this is gonna be fun.

So, if you're with me,
I will see all of you

in the fun zone.

"Fun zone"?

Sometimes I just really
want to slap him.

I think it was on one of
these memos from corporate.

Here.

"Union buzzwords."
"How to spot a union."

"Anti-union activity."

"What to do if you hear
the word 'union.'"

"Reporting union activity."

"List of toxic food recalls"?

I don't remember doing
any food recalls.

What?

"Addendum of policy changes
to employee handbook...

Relationships between
supervisors and subordinates

no longer forbidden, now
just strongly discouraged."

Yeah, words. Oh, here it is.

"Please detach the
accompanying card

and keep in a safe place."

And, look, I wrote,
"Like in your car,"

and then I underlined "car."

Oh, that means
it's just outsi...

Oh.

Okay, the bad news

is I left the card with the
code in my glove compartment.

So I called my wife
to come get it,

but we only have one car,

so she has to wait for her
sister to come get her.

You guys, there's
someone out there.

Oh, my God. Hey! Hey!

Oh! Oh!

Can you get something
from my car?

Boop-boop-boop... we need
a boop-boop-boop-boop.

Whoo!

- You guys are missing out.
- Mm.

What a unique
experience it must be,

moving around a store on wheels.

The key's above the tire.

Get card from glove compartment.

Bring card here.

Whoo! We're gonna
get out of here!

- Yes!
- Yes!

- Is it there? Is it there?
- Wait, wait... oh, good.

Look, he's got the key.

Why is he getting in
the driver's seat?

No, you don't need
to start the engine

to open the glove compartment.

No, you don't need
to move the car.

Wait. Where are you going?

Where's he going?

What the... where is the...

Cruising through the fun zone...

Hey, can you maybe...

Whoo! Ha ha!

Okay.

Part of me's glad I
missed the recital.

I've been looking forward
to my senior dance

since sixth grade,

and it would've sucked to
just sit there and watch.

I'm not saying that
I regret this baby.

I just wish that I'd
had it later...

or sooner, like a
lot of my friends.

You know what I mean?

Uh, I do, yes,

and I think each and every
one of us has regrets.

I'll go next.

I regret doing Semester at Sea

instead of just
picking one country

and really absorbing
the culture.

Who else?

Well, my only regrets are the
times I over thought things

and didn't go for what I wanted.

- There you go.
- I mean, why fight nature?

We're all just animals, right?

I regret not rescuing my
twin brother from that wave.

So there you have it, guys.

We are learning lots
about each other.

What about you, Ame?

What are you... What's
your biggest regret?

I guess I regret not
going to college

when I was younger so that I
could have lots of stories

to annoy my coworkers with.

Hey, well, at least it's quiet.

We don't have to listen to that
stupid Muzak they make us play.

I actually kind of
like the music.

It makes me feel like
I'm on hold all day.

Glenn, you like everything
about this store.

- That's weird, man.
- Well...

I don't like everything
about this store.

Truth be told, the backslash
in the employee's bathroom...

It's, like, B-minus, at best.

That's the only thing that
bugs you about this company?

Well, I guess the aisles are
a bit too close together...

and sometimes the
folks in charge

don't treat me like I'm a
human being with feelings.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, that's a bummer.

Sturgis and Sons
was a community.

Customers would be
like, "Hi, Glenn."

"Do you have a screw in
such-and-such a size?"

And I'd say, "I think so."

"Maybe ask my dad."

It was paradise.

You know what else I regret?
That time...

And then this chain moves in.

I mean, where do they get off?
Keep us late in...

locked in the dark, you know,

all in service of
the bottom line.

Yeah. Go.

- I hate this tie.
- Yeah.

I hate this shirt!

- Okay.
- Isn't that his shirt?

Oh, you're going a
little too far now.

And I hate Regional
Manager Dicky Larson,

but you know what I
hate most of all?

I hate Cloud 9.

I hate Cloud 9.

What just happened?

I think we broke Glenn.

Oh, no, this is damaged.

Guess we can't sell these.
Right.

It's a party, mother-fathers,

sponsored by Sturgis and Sons

- You, you, you, you, you, you...
- That was good.

- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

- Never have I ever...
- Uh-huh.

Stocked ice cream.

Okay, but... You
know, like that,

but, like, a little more edgy.

You know, like, not this, but,

"Never have I ever
eaten human flesh."

Oh, no, no, no.

You drink if you have done it.

Mm-hmm. I understand.

I have another one.

Never have I ever
hooked up in the store.

Really?

You remember last week

when Jerusha came by to
talk about the mortgage?

Oh.

- In my office?
- Yeah, boy.

- Gross.
- Wait, wait. There's more.

We had sex.

Yeah, man.

Bo and I...

photo lab... seven months ago.

Oh.

Oh, my god, the photo
lab is a great spot.

- Yeah.
- What? Really?

Yeah, it's dark. It's private.

Sometimes you get to see
people's naked photos.

When I first started here,

we just called the
lab the "bang room"

because, you know...

the banging.

I banged in there.

Okay.

- Really?
- I did.

So the photo lab, huh?

Cool. Cool, cool.

Attention, Cloud 9...

This isn't working.

You're not pushing the button.

Oh.

Attention, Cloud...

Wow.

- I really suck at this.
- Yeah.

♪ It's goin' down for real ♪

Go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go!

Yeah, that's a strike.

Come on.

- Come on, come on.
- Get him, get him, get him.

Fight.

I feel alive.

♪ It's goin' down for rea I ♪

Hey, Cloud 9, it's a party.

♪ It's goin' down for real ♪

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪

We're gonna do this every
Friday from now on.

Go.

He may just beat
Brett's record time.

Oh, a violent spill...

and right on to the zip line.

- Ooh.
- Oh.

Just give him a second. I think
he's gonna be all right.

He's okay.

♪ It's goin' down for real ♪

Here we've got newcomer Mateo...

Sizzling in a fashion-forward
take on Cloud 9 nightwear.

Work it, Mateo, and
now we have Glenn,

rocking the "Don't Let Him Near
Your Children Collection."

Oh, shake what the good
lord gave you, Glenn,

and here's Myrtle,
carrying a bicycle tire.

She doesn't seem to know
what we're doing here,

but she is owning it.

Thank you, Myrtle.

So, Amy, how are you feeling?

- I feel great.
- Oh, yeah?

Usually when I get drunk,
I talk really loud,

but I'm not doing it now.

No, you're not!

All right, everybody,
up on your feet.

♪ I can't feel my face
when I'm with you ♪

♪ But I love you ♪

♪ But I love you ♪

Hey!

- Can you make me look like her?
- Like a black woman?

I'm not a witch.

You don't need all that.
You are pretty.

Oh, I'm a solid 8.25.

In high school, I was voted
third-prettiest girl

in my ROTC unit.

Pretty's not the problem.

Just trust me.

It's just, ever since my dad
left me at that gas station,

it's so hard to trust.

Okay, here we go.

♪ You with the sad eyes ♪

♪ Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ Oh, I realize ♪

♪ It's hard to take courage ♪

♪ In a world full of people ♪

♪ You can lose sight of it all ♪

♪ And the darkness inside you ♪

♪ Can make you feel so small ♪

- ♪ But I see your true colors ♪
- This is kind of tight.

♪ Shining through ♪

♪ I see your true colors ♪

♪ And that's why I love you ♪

♪ So don't be afraid
to let them show ♪

♪ Your true colors ♪

♪ True colors ♪

♪ True colors are
shining through ♪

♪ I see your true colors ♪

♪ And that's why I love you ♪

♪ So don't be afraid ♪

Hey, you.

Dina.

Wow.

♪ True colors ♪

♪ Are beautiful ♪

- I'm so proud of her.
- Yeah.

♪ My anaconda don't ♪

♪ My anaconda don't ♪

♪ My anaconda don't want none
unless you got buns, hon ♪

Ooh, I did not see that coming,

but I should have.

♪ By the way, what he say ♪

♪ He can tell I ain't
missing no meals ♪

"Relationships
between supervisors

and subordinates is now
just strongly discouraged."

It's not forbidden anymore.

This is not forbidden anymore.

Uh, right. Yeah.

Uh, hmm.

Uh, but, you know...

alas, it is discouraged.

Besides, the idea of
dating my boss...

Oof, I mean, the sexual
politics are just so nuanced.

Otherwise, believe me, I am...

I would love to do...

everything there is to do.

I was not expecting that.

Yeah.

But I do understand.

Oh, great.

I mean, you know...

Great.

Okay, um... I'll
see you out there.

Oh.

Hey, what you doing up there?

Looks like you might get hurt.

You don't get to
tell me what to do.

I wasn't telling you what to do.

You are not my boss. I am
your boss, college boy.

I just thought maybe... It's
a little dangerous being...

By the way,

I got into college too...

A good one...

when I was 18.

- That's great.
- I just got pregnant.

And then I got married,
and then Adam had dreams,

and somebody had
to pay the bills,

so here I am,

spinning around on this...

endless...

Oh, God.

For what it's worth,

that was shaping up to be
a really nice metaphor.

Oh, I know. "Leave a message,
and we'll never call you back."

Well, that fig ain't
gonna fly tonight, baby.

This company's a sham.

You lock us in.

You control the music
that we listen to.

Oh, and try this on for size.

The color difference in
your signage is marginal.

Oh, and you can
tell Dicky Larson

that he can suck my
big, fat, sweaty toe.

If you are satisfied with
your message, press 1.

To erase and re-record, press 2.

Hey, guys, everything's great.

Signs are all up...
Really popping.

Come on.

It's good for you.

Glenn is right. This
backslash is unremarkable.

I don't regret getting married.

I never said that you
regretted getting...

Yeah, but you were thinking it.

Yeah, I wonder sometimes

what it would've been like
if I had made other choices,

but...

you want to know what
I really regret?

That last shot of Sambuca?

Forget it.

You're the last person I
should be telling this to.

Wait. Why am I the last...

This is a weird night.

Okay.

See ya.

Ooh.

Oh, it is good to be outside.

I'm gonna go home and
play some video games.

- I'm hungry.
- You want breakfast?

My shift starts in 20. I
can get you free coffee.

Ooh, pancakes.

I can't believe I have to
take a midterm on zero sleep

and totally hungover.

College.

Yep, college.

Glenn.

Oh, thank God. I thought
I was gonna have

to hang these things by myself.

- I'm requesting a demotion...
- What?

To associate level...
personal reasons.

Wha... wha... what?

And, yeah, that's gonna
be a two-person job.

Why are you dressed
like my mother?