Superstore (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Shots and Salsa - full transcript
Amy fights racial stereotypes, while Jonah learns why you should never lend a helping hand.
All right, I like this.
When I say cloud, you say nine.
Cloud.
- All: Nine.
- Cloud.
- All: Nine.
- When I say team, you say work.
- Team! Team!
- All: Work. Work.
- Are we cloud one?
- All: No!
- Are we cloud two?
- All: No!
- Are we cloud three?
- All: No!
Are we cloud...
This chant seems a
little on the long side.
Gets longer every year.
When I first started
here, we would just
put our hands in the
middle and go, "Yay."
all: No!
Are we Cloud 9?
All: Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah! The customer's
always right.
All: Oh, yeah!
- They are not wrong.
- All: Oh, yeah!
- And that is why.
- All: Oh, yeah!
- We sing this song.
- All: Oh, yeah!
We are!
All: Cloud 9.
We are Cloud 9.
Eight, seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one!
Blast off!
Now give me a "C"!
All: C!
♪ ♪
Before we open, I
need a volunteer
to hand out samples of the new
Cloud 9 brand
salsa, Señor Cloud.
Yes, right here. I'll do it.
Yes, perfect, and I don't mean
just because you're Mexican.
I'm actually Filipino.
Okay, let's consider
all our options.
Um, Amy, I've got a feeling
this is right up your alley.
Because I'm Latina?
No, it has nothing
to do with race.
You just have a certain
natural spiciness.
No.
Okay, you know, fine,
I'll just, uh,
pick someone at random.
Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.
Jesus saved us long ago.
Don't believe me, what a shame.
Judgment day you'll
be in flames.
- The other Latina?
- What?
I could do it.
That'd be hilarious.
You should dress like a matador.
Honestly, it's fine.
It beats a day of
dressing room duty.
Thank you. Think fast!
Mexico hat!
Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers,
be sure to stop by grocery
for a free sample of
Señor Cloud salsa.
And in pharmacy, get
yourself a flu shot,
available in medium,
mild, ay-yi-yi picante,
and I'm almost positive that
was written down wrong.
Yes, Señor Cloud salsa
is very good for parties.
And there are so many flavors.
She is from Kansas City.
Why is she talking
like Speedy Gonzales?
I should say something to her.
Absolutely not.
Do not get involved in things
that don't concern you.
People here are quicksand.
They will suck you in.
So you're saying
never help anyone?
I'm saying don't help
anyone in this store.
Within these walls,
helping is quicksand.
You know, it's funny
that you mention walls.
Because that summer that I spent
doing Habitat for Humanity,
I was literally building...
- What?
- You know,
you find ways to work that
into conversation a lot.
Mm-hmm.
I try not to say
words like "hammer"
or "roof" when I'm around you.
One time you got there
from Hugh Laurie.
Look, my point is, there
are people who do nothing
and there are people
who do something,
and I am one of those people.
Hmm.
The... the something group.
Excuse me.
Sir, is there something
I can help you with?
Really? Uh, wow, yes,
uh, thank you so much.
Oh, that's great.
So, uh, just stack
'em in the pharmacy,
and then there's gonna be a
few more loads in the trucks.
- Oh, there's more?
- Oh, so many more.
- Okay.
- Guess I'm gonna grab a coffee.
All right.
Have to have the salsa.
Sometimes I like the tomatillo
with the quesadilla,
but not all the time.
- I'm gonna say something.
- Don't do it.
Now, just walk me through
some of the features
on some of these guys.
'Cause a lot of 'em are saying
they do plaque control.
My concern, specifically,
is tartar.
Okay, well, um...
I'm a bit of a tartar guy.
Yeah, my hygienist told me
she'd never seen someone
with so much tartar.
I thought that was a good thing.
Um, it's not.
Oh.
You know, you and
me, we're the same.
Mm-hmm. Overachievers.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, am I tough?
Uh, yeah, but I'm a pharmacist.
I have to be tough,
or people die.
They don't pay me what
they pay me to slack off.
All right, yeah.
It's $116,670 a year.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, so I'm doing
pretty well for myself.
Well, listen, uh, if
you need anything else
you know where to find me.
Great, so grab some
alcohol wipes, bandages,
and sterile gauze pads.
Bring in the first
patient and prep him.
Man, we got a long
day ahead of us.
♪ Had the time of my life ♪
♪ Though I never felt
like this before ♪
Hey, you know
Glenn's not allowed
to ask you to put on
that accent, right?
I mean, I know he's the manager,
but it just means he
can use the bathroom
without asking anyone.
No, I know that. I
decided on the accent.
Oh my God, people love it.
Hola, señorita,
you want to make
your day a fiesta?
Sure. Thank you.
See? Yep, some people love it,
and, uh, and some people
might find it offensive.
Offensive? Like, who?
Oh, I don't know...
maybe Latino people
who would think that
you're exploiting your heritage
and demeaning yourself.
Okay, all right,
I don't know who made
you Latino police,
Amy, but I'm just
trying to sell salsa.
- No, I am not policing you.
- Okay, if you could keep...
I'm merely suggesting that maybe
you don't need to resort...
Hola, señorita! Como estas?
Ooh, is that Mexican ketchup?
"Jess, es berry" good.
You mean, "Yes, it's very good."
Oh, don't listen to her.
You speak the
language beautifully.
Gracias, señorita.
You want to try
something special?
This is, cómo se
dice, pineapple.
Okay, you know what? Stop.
No! You stop.
Talk like a normal person!
Excuse me, miss, but she
is a normal person.
That's exactly what I'm saying!
Ow! Damn it!
Mother, Amy!, aye!
What the!
- See? Fake accent.
- Oh, God!
♪ Everybody's working
for the weekend ♪
This is what you get when
you've got weak joints.
That's why I have a dedicated
ankle day at the gym.
I really am sorry, Carmen.
I-I-I feel awful.
Yeah, you should, Amy. It
was none of your business.
Well, just to clarify,
uh, I feel awful
you hurt yourself.
I still stand by my comments.
Okay, there you go.
Oh, and feel free
to take a water.
I'm an Uber driver
in my spare time.
I'll put your stuff in
your locker for you.
And I already clocked
out for you,
so you're not gonna get paid
for any of the time you missed.
Don't you worry about that.
Are you sure I can't drive her?
No, I've been meaning to
drop by the hospital anyway.
I like staring at
the newborn babies
until someone asks me to leave.
Oh, but I do need someone
to take over the Señor
Cloud salsa stand.
Fine, I'll get somebody else.
But it's a real shame,
because that sombrero
really pops on darker skin.
Okay, so do you
have any questions
about the hydrochlorothiazide?
No, uh, could you also ring up
a few other things
for me, please?
Sure, yeah.
I have a doctorate in pharmacy,
so this is a great
use of my time.
I live to serve. Thank you.
Bernice, he said it's fine.
Oh, God.
One moment.
Hey, J-dog, I have to, uh,
go do some tranquility lunges,
so could you give that
guy his shot for me?
Oh, no, I can't. I'm
not a pharmacist.
Yeah, and I'm not a clerk,
but I guess the world's all
topsy-turvy today, isn't it?
Just think!
I'm just basically looking
for an every day brush.
Yeah, just kind of
that workhorse,
you know, that's
in the collection.
That I can know I'm just gonna
put in the minutes with.
Señor Cloud salsa...
Um, I'll be right back.
Uh, excuse me.
I have some questions
about bristle density.
Yes, es bueno por Cinco de Mayo,
y quinceañeras, la biblioteca.
Hola.
Hey, what do you
think you're doing?
I... I am selling salsa
to support mi abuela.
My burro has run away.
Right, uh, whatever
this is, Mateo, I...
No Mateo. Soy Jose!
Jose was born in a small
village near Oaxaca.
Okay, I get it.
I get it, I get that it's fun
to play make believe,
but this is offensive.
Oh.
Like, I am sorry.
I will "estop."
Yes, please stop.
I am trying to.
I'm not kidding.
Me neither. It's
like when I "estart"
doing the accent I
cannot "estop."
That's an interesting tattoo.
Is that a unicorn?
It's a horse
with a railroad spike
through his head.
I see that now.
It's not quite as
magical, but...
- I think it's clean.
- Right.
Will you just give
me the shot already?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
The shot which comes
out of this needle.
Okay, uh, huh.
Okay.
I think this does something.
Should I have a belt?
It's a tiny little needle, all right?
Just do it!
All right, uh, just,
uh, you know, breathe.
Or count to ten or
something like that.
And, uh, and away we go.
I'm... I'm really sorry.
Drink a lot of water.
Told you. That's what happens
when you try to help people out.
What is that? What
are you doing?
That's quicksand.
I'm dating this girl. She
teaches sign language.
This is quicksand, and this
is you drowning in it.
"Oh, I'm trying to help.
I'm building houses
for poor people!"
Excuse me.
Do you know how much longer
this is going to take?
I don't know how long
I can keep standing.
Uh...
You know what, young lady?
I'm sure there's a way
that we can help you out.
Right this way.
Thank you! Such a gentleman.
Hey, why does she get to cut?
Because white people
help their own.
It's like I forgot
how to "espeak."
I cannot stop playing the role.
It's not a role.
It's a stereotype.
How would you feel
if I was handing out
Asian food and I was all like,
"Oh, eh, me grow up
on a rice patty.
"Eh, pwease, it most
honorable teriyaki chicken.
Uh, so, ching-chong."
That would be messed up.
Nice work on those
spreadsheets, Laquisha.
Racism, you hear a lot about it,
but what is it, really?
Over the next 60 minutes...
We are gonna take a journey
through time and race.
Thanks a lot, guys.
When I woke up this morning,
I was hoping to learn about
racism from a white lady.
No matter how good of
a dancer Jerome is.
I need help with my
toothbrush selection.
Toothbrushes.
♪ Boy, you really got me going ♪
You work here?
Here's a riddle for you:
what do Martin Luther
King, Malcolm X,
and Nelson Mandela
all have in common?
Answer: They were all prominent
African-American leaders.
It's okay to goof around,
but you should never...
So how long you been a racist?
Just today. You?
Me too.
So far it's not really
working out for me.
- Hmm.
- Because when we look
past stereotypes, we
learn to appreciate
all the colors of the cloud.
That sounds heavenly.
Oh, MC Cool Cloud,
you are too much.
Too much.
I think if there is any
takeaway from today, it's this:
anyone can be a racist. Anyone.
Okay, yes,
I should not have
done that impression,
but I want to be clear that
I was not being racist.
I was making a comment
about racism.
Well, yes, personally
I'm not a fan of
racist comments, so...
No, it's not what...
I was exaggerating on
purpose to make a point.
Parody.
She was making a
joke about racism.
Yes!
Well, are racist
jokes okay again?
What?
Okay, uh, did you hear the one
about the Jewish bird? You know what?
Never mind.
Ooh, fun fact.
The dude that voiced
MC Cool Cloud
committed suicide in 1994.
- That's terrible.
- That makes sense.
We also need to remember
that helping people just
because they're white
is almost as bad
as discriminating
against them if
they're not white.
It's exactly as bad.
Well, he was still helping.
I was helping that lady
because she was old,
not because she was white.
Ageism is just as
racist as racism.
- That seems untrue.
- It is very true, Jonah.
Okay, well, I think we can all
go back to work,
um, unless anyone
wants to file an official
complaint of racial bias?
Sandra?
I often feel uncomfortable
in the stock room.
There's a man there, Sal,
who makes comments
about my breasts.
Yeah, okay, what
you're talking about
is sexual harassment,
and that's a whole other video.
Okay.
It's just that sometimes
he calls me at home.
Yeah, we're not gonna watch
another video, Sandra.
Okay. Sorry.
Okay, let's get back out there,
and, uh, let's remember,
"Color blind is"...
all: "Color kind."
Thank you.
Amy, could you stick
around for a second?
♪ No mires y no hables,
carnal, lo que no debes ♪
Try a free sample of
our new salsa, sir?
It's good. Nope, absolutely not.
People are not gonna
buy salsa from you
unless they think
it's authentic.
You got to add some
"indigenous-ness."
You know?
Just put a little Vergara on it.
You want to buy some salsa?
Is for charity!
Oh, Jay, thank you
for my necklace!
No, stop it.
I'm not going to put
on a fake accent
and I'm not gonna make
up fake charities.
The charity is real.
Yeah, check it out.
All the proceeds go to the
La Benevolencia Orphanage
in Los Nogales, Mexico.
There's a different
child on every jar.
I think it's a collect
'em all situation.
Well, fine, that's great.
That's a very worthy cause,
but I think my dignity is
worth a little bit more
than a few bucks for charity.
Ah, these are all Juan S's.
I've already got that one.
Oh, score, Luisa M.!
She was born without knees,
but she loves to dance.
Must be mostly upper body stuff.
I think this one is
good for "tar-tar."
"Tar-tar."
Nope, it's "tartar."
Tartar, tartar, tartar, tartar.
I... it's all just
sounding like gibberish.
But um, let me just
take a run up on it.
Um, I like my fish
with "tar-tar" sauce.
It's still weird. No.
Guys, um...
this is benefitting a
very worthwhile cause.
If you like orphans and
fire-roasted peppers,
you truly couldn't make
a better purchase.
Señor Cloud es muy deliciosa.
It's amazing, isn't it?
Two pills so similar
in appearance,
but one can save a life
and one can destroy it.
Look, I think the people
are getting impatient.
Oh, oh, would you look at us?
Huh?
Gabbing like best friends
who hang out, socially, I think.
Um, why don't you open up
another box of vaccines,
and we'll get to work.
Okay, where are the other boxes?
Well, no, the ones you
brought in this morning.
Oh, those? We're done.
We went through those.
Okay. Yeah, okay.
Uh, don't panic, don't
panic, don't panic.
- You okay?
- Don't panic!
Ah! Ah, what'd I tell you?
Don't panic, because we... we
still have one vaccine left.
What I need you to
do is go out there
and tell everyone that. Yeah.
Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
Do I have that?
Wall to wall, brother.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
Oh, gosh, that's what that is.
It happens to the best of us.
There's celebrities that
have too much tartar.
- Okay.
- Lionel Richie.
- No.
- Yeah.
Is it similar to what you
would eat in your village?
Sí. Sí, sí, sí.
Es muy autentica.
It is just like the salsa
my mother would make in a
bowl made from a giant rock.
You must have enjoyed
many fiestas growing up.
Where are you from?
Um...
My sister and I grew up
in a small village near the
banks of the Rio Grande.
All: Ooh!
Jose.
Gracias, Jose.
There's two of them.
Anybody who doesn't get a shot
today will get one tomorrow.
I can't take another
day off of work.
Well, ma'am...
And it's not just me,
it's for my baby!
- I'm sorry...
- And she's all that I have left
of my husband who died in the
war fighting for America!
Okay, no, well, all right.
We'll give you the shot,
if you just come around...
Wait, you're gonna
give her my shot?
Well, sir, it should
probably go to the person
who needs it the most,
don't you think?
Uh, what about me?
I teach preschool.
I'm an actor!
- This is Eugenics!
- Who are you to play God?
Okay, again, again, again!
To put it into perspective,
anybody who doesn't
get a vaccine today
will just have to take a short
car ride to another store,
or come back tomorrow.
That's what the Nazis said.
Both: Olé!
Gracias, gracias, we are so
happy you liked our dance,
but it is also important
to remember that
Latinos can be
doctors, and lawyers,
and architects.
Never mind, I'm just playing.
You should see the look
on your gringo faces.
Arriba!
Uno mas!
♪ ♪
No, Carmen, it's not
what it looks like.
♪ ♪
It's for charity!
Both: Olé!
Attention, shoppers, it is 2:00.
All associates working
the morning shift,
it is time for you to leave.
Where you going?
We're not finished here!
We are not finished!
If you are leaving,
I hope you learned
that no good deed
goes unpunished, but, also,
no matter how bad a day you had,
at the end of your shift
you get to clock out
and leave the job at the door.
Anyway, this does not
pertain to most of you,
so green beans are
on sale for 89¢.
♪ ♪
I can't do this.
- Tough day, huh?
- Yeah.
I just needed to sit.
Mind if I join you?
Be my guest.
♪ ♪
I was reading this
article about UV rays...
Shh.
Got it! Great day, guys.
When I say cloud, you say nine.
Cloud.
- All: Nine.
- Cloud.
- All: Nine.
- When I say team, you say work.
- Team! Team!
- All: Work. Work.
- Are we cloud one?
- All: No!
- Are we cloud two?
- All: No!
- Are we cloud three?
- All: No!
Are we cloud...
This chant seems a
little on the long side.
Gets longer every year.
When I first started
here, we would just
put our hands in the
middle and go, "Yay."
all: No!
Are we Cloud 9?
All: Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah! The customer's
always right.
All: Oh, yeah!
- They are not wrong.
- All: Oh, yeah!
- And that is why.
- All: Oh, yeah!
- We sing this song.
- All: Oh, yeah!
We are!
All: Cloud 9.
We are Cloud 9.
Eight, seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one!
Blast off!
Now give me a "C"!
All: C!
♪ ♪
Before we open, I
need a volunteer
to hand out samples of the new
Cloud 9 brand
salsa, Señor Cloud.
Yes, right here. I'll do it.
Yes, perfect, and I don't mean
just because you're Mexican.
I'm actually Filipino.
Okay, let's consider
all our options.
Um, Amy, I've got a feeling
this is right up your alley.
Because I'm Latina?
No, it has nothing
to do with race.
You just have a certain
natural spiciness.
No.
Okay, you know, fine,
I'll just, uh,
pick someone at random.
Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.
Jesus saved us long ago.
Don't believe me, what a shame.
Judgment day you'll
be in flames.
- The other Latina?
- What?
I could do it.
That'd be hilarious.
You should dress like a matador.
Honestly, it's fine.
It beats a day of
dressing room duty.
Thank you. Think fast!
Mexico hat!
Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers,
be sure to stop by grocery
for a free sample of
Señor Cloud salsa.
And in pharmacy, get
yourself a flu shot,
available in medium,
mild, ay-yi-yi picante,
and I'm almost positive that
was written down wrong.
Yes, Señor Cloud salsa
is very good for parties.
And there are so many flavors.
She is from Kansas City.
Why is she talking
like Speedy Gonzales?
I should say something to her.
Absolutely not.
Do not get involved in things
that don't concern you.
People here are quicksand.
They will suck you in.
So you're saying
never help anyone?
I'm saying don't help
anyone in this store.
Within these walls,
helping is quicksand.
You know, it's funny
that you mention walls.
Because that summer that I spent
doing Habitat for Humanity,
I was literally building...
- What?
- You know,
you find ways to work that
into conversation a lot.
Mm-hmm.
I try not to say
words like "hammer"
or "roof" when I'm around you.
One time you got there
from Hugh Laurie.
Look, my point is, there
are people who do nothing
and there are people
who do something,
and I am one of those people.
Hmm.
The... the something group.
Excuse me.
Sir, is there something
I can help you with?
Really? Uh, wow, yes,
uh, thank you so much.
Oh, that's great.
So, uh, just stack
'em in the pharmacy,
and then there's gonna be a
few more loads in the trucks.
- Oh, there's more?
- Oh, so many more.
- Okay.
- Guess I'm gonna grab a coffee.
All right.
Have to have the salsa.
Sometimes I like the tomatillo
with the quesadilla,
but not all the time.
- I'm gonna say something.
- Don't do it.
Now, just walk me through
some of the features
on some of these guys.
'Cause a lot of 'em are saying
they do plaque control.
My concern, specifically,
is tartar.
Okay, well, um...
I'm a bit of a tartar guy.
Yeah, my hygienist told me
she'd never seen someone
with so much tartar.
I thought that was a good thing.
Um, it's not.
Oh.
You know, you and
me, we're the same.
Mm-hmm. Overachievers.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, am I tough?
Uh, yeah, but I'm a pharmacist.
I have to be tough,
or people die.
They don't pay me what
they pay me to slack off.
All right, yeah.
It's $116,670 a year.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, so I'm doing
pretty well for myself.
Well, listen, uh, if
you need anything else
you know where to find me.
Great, so grab some
alcohol wipes, bandages,
and sterile gauze pads.
Bring in the first
patient and prep him.
Man, we got a long
day ahead of us.
♪ Had the time of my life ♪
♪ Though I never felt
like this before ♪
Hey, you know
Glenn's not allowed
to ask you to put on
that accent, right?
I mean, I know he's the manager,
but it just means he
can use the bathroom
without asking anyone.
No, I know that. I
decided on the accent.
Oh my God, people love it.
Hola, señorita,
you want to make
your day a fiesta?
Sure. Thank you.
See? Yep, some people love it,
and, uh, and some people
might find it offensive.
Offensive? Like, who?
Oh, I don't know...
maybe Latino people
who would think that
you're exploiting your heritage
and demeaning yourself.
Okay, all right,
I don't know who made
you Latino police,
Amy, but I'm just
trying to sell salsa.
- No, I am not policing you.
- Okay, if you could keep...
I'm merely suggesting that maybe
you don't need to resort...
Hola, señorita! Como estas?
Ooh, is that Mexican ketchup?
"Jess, es berry" good.
You mean, "Yes, it's very good."
Oh, don't listen to her.
You speak the
language beautifully.
Gracias, señorita.
You want to try
something special?
This is, cómo se
dice, pineapple.
Okay, you know what? Stop.
No! You stop.
Talk like a normal person!
Excuse me, miss, but she
is a normal person.
That's exactly what I'm saying!
Ow! Damn it!
Mother, Amy!, aye!
What the!
- See? Fake accent.
- Oh, God!
♪ Everybody's working
for the weekend ♪
This is what you get when
you've got weak joints.
That's why I have a dedicated
ankle day at the gym.
I really am sorry, Carmen.
I-I-I feel awful.
Yeah, you should, Amy. It
was none of your business.
Well, just to clarify,
uh, I feel awful
you hurt yourself.
I still stand by my comments.
Okay, there you go.
Oh, and feel free
to take a water.
I'm an Uber driver
in my spare time.
I'll put your stuff in
your locker for you.
And I already clocked
out for you,
so you're not gonna get paid
for any of the time you missed.
Don't you worry about that.
Are you sure I can't drive her?
No, I've been meaning to
drop by the hospital anyway.
I like staring at
the newborn babies
until someone asks me to leave.
Oh, but I do need someone
to take over the Señor
Cloud salsa stand.
Fine, I'll get somebody else.
But it's a real shame,
because that sombrero
really pops on darker skin.
Okay, so do you
have any questions
about the hydrochlorothiazide?
No, uh, could you also ring up
a few other things
for me, please?
Sure, yeah.
I have a doctorate in pharmacy,
so this is a great
use of my time.
I live to serve. Thank you.
Bernice, he said it's fine.
Oh, God.
One moment.
Hey, J-dog, I have to, uh,
go do some tranquility lunges,
so could you give that
guy his shot for me?
Oh, no, I can't. I'm
not a pharmacist.
Yeah, and I'm not a clerk,
but I guess the world's all
topsy-turvy today, isn't it?
Just think!
I'm just basically looking
for an every day brush.
Yeah, just kind of
that workhorse,
you know, that's
in the collection.
That I can know I'm just gonna
put in the minutes with.
Señor Cloud salsa...
Um, I'll be right back.
Uh, excuse me.
I have some questions
about bristle density.
Yes, es bueno por Cinco de Mayo,
y quinceañeras, la biblioteca.
Hola.
Hey, what do you
think you're doing?
I... I am selling salsa
to support mi abuela.
My burro has run away.
Right, uh, whatever
this is, Mateo, I...
No Mateo. Soy Jose!
Jose was born in a small
village near Oaxaca.
Okay, I get it.
I get it, I get that it's fun
to play make believe,
but this is offensive.
Oh.
Like, I am sorry.
I will "estop."
Yes, please stop.
I am trying to.
I'm not kidding.
Me neither. It's
like when I "estart"
doing the accent I
cannot "estop."
That's an interesting tattoo.
Is that a unicorn?
It's a horse
with a railroad spike
through his head.
I see that now.
It's not quite as
magical, but...
- I think it's clean.
- Right.
Will you just give
me the shot already?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
The shot which comes
out of this needle.
Okay, uh, huh.
Okay.
I think this does something.
Should I have a belt?
It's a tiny little needle, all right?
Just do it!
All right, uh, just,
uh, you know, breathe.
Or count to ten or
something like that.
And, uh, and away we go.
I'm... I'm really sorry.
Drink a lot of water.
Told you. That's what happens
when you try to help people out.
What is that? What
are you doing?
That's quicksand.
I'm dating this girl. She
teaches sign language.
This is quicksand, and this
is you drowning in it.
"Oh, I'm trying to help.
I'm building houses
for poor people!"
Excuse me.
Do you know how much longer
this is going to take?
I don't know how long
I can keep standing.
Uh...
You know what, young lady?
I'm sure there's a way
that we can help you out.
Right this way.
Thank you! Such a gentleman.
Hey, why does she get to cut?
Because white people
help their own.
It's like I forgot
how to "espeak."
I cannot stop playing the role.
It's not a role.
It's a stereotype.
How would you feel
if I was handing out
Asian food and I was all like,
"Oh, eh, me grow up
on a rice patty.
"Eh, pwease, it most
honorable teriyaki chicken.
Uh, so, ching-chong."
That would be messed up.
Nice work on those
spreadsheets, Laquisha.
Racism, you hear a lot about it,
but what is it, really?
Over the next 60 minutes...
We are gonna take a journey
through time and race.
Thanks a lot, guys.
When I woke up this morning,
I was hoping to learn about
racism from a white lady.
No matter how good of
a dancer Jerome is.
I need help with my
toothbrush selection.
Toothbrushes.
♪ Boy, you really got me going ♪
You work here?
Here's a riddle for you:
what do Martin Luther
King, Malcolm X,
and Nelson Mandela
all have in common?
Answer: They were all prominent
African-American leaders.
It's okay to goof around,
but you should never...
So how long you been a racist?
Just today. You?
Me too.
So far it's not really
working out for me.
- Hmm.
- Because when we look
past stereotypes, we
learn to appreciate
all the colors of the cloud.
That sounds heavenly.
Oh, MC Cool Cloud,
you are too much.
Too much.
I think if there is any
takeaway from today, it's this:
anyone can be a racist. Anyone.
Okay, yes,
I should not have
done that impression,
but I want to be clear that
I was not being racist.
I was making a comment
about racism.
Well, yes, personally
I'm not a fan of
racist comments, so...
No, it's not what...
I was exaggerating on
purpose to make a point.
Parody.
She was making a
joke about racism.
Yes!
Well, are racist
jokes okay again?
What?
Okay, uh, did you hear the one
about the Jewish bird? You know what?
Never mind.
Ooh, fun fact.
The dude that voiced
MC Cool Cloud
committed suicide in 1994.
- That's terrible.
- That makes sense.
We also need to remember
that helping people just
because they're white
is almost as bad
as discriminating
against them if
they're not white.
It's exactly as bad.
Well, he was still helping.
I was helping that lady
because she was old,
not because she was white.
Ageism is just as
racist as racism.
- That seems untrue.
- It is very true, Jonah.
Okay, well, I think we can all
go back to work,
um, unless anyone
wants to file an official
complaint of racial bias?
Sandra?
I often feel uncomfortable
in the stock room.
There's a man there, Sal,
who makes comments
about my breasts.
Yeah, okay, what
you're talking about
is sexual harassment,
and that's a whole other video.
Okay.
It's just that sometimes
he calls me at home.
Yeah, we're not gonna watch
another video, Sandra.
Okay. Sorry.
Okay, let's get back out there,
and, uh, let's remember,
"Color blind is"...
all: "Color kind."
Thank you.
Amy, could you stick
around for a second?
♪ No mires y no hables,
carnal, lo que no debes ♪
Try a free sample of
our new salsa, sir?
It's good. Nope, absolutely not.
People are not gonna
buy salsa from you
unless they think
it's authentic.
You got to add some
"indigenous-ness."
You know?
Just put a little Vergara on it.
You want to buy some salsa?
Is for charity!
Oh, Jay, thank you
for my necklace!
No, stop it.
I'm not going to put
on a fake accent
and I'm not gonna make
up fake charities.
The charity is real.
Yeah, check it out.
All the proceeds go to the
La Benevolencia Orphanage
in Los Nogales, Mexico.
There's a different
child on every jar.
I think it's a collect
'em all situation.
Well, fine, that's great.
That's a very worthy cause,
but I think my dignity is
worth a little bit more
than a few bucks for charity.
Ah, these are all Juan S's.
I've already got that one.
Oh, score, Luisa M.!
She was born without knees,
but she loves to dance.
Must be mostly upper body stuff.
I think this one is
good for "tar-tar."
"Tar-tar."
Nope, it's "tartar."
Tartar, tartar, tartar, tartar.
I... it's all just
sounding like gibberish.
But um, let me just
take a run up on it.
Um, I like my fish
with "tar-tar" sauce.
It's still weird. No.
Guys, um...
this is benefitting a
very worthwhile cause.
If you like orphans and
fire-roasted peppers,
you truly couldn't make
a better purchase.
Señor Cloud es muy deliciosa.
It's amazing, isn't it?
Two pills so similar
in appearance,
but one can save a life
and one can destroy it.
Look, I think the people
are getting impatient.
Oh, oh, would you look at us?
Huh?
Gabbing like best friends
who hang out, socially, I think.
Um, why don't you open up
another box of vaccines,
and we'll get to work.
Okay, where are the other boxes?
Well, no, the ones you
brought in this morning.
Oh, those? We're done.
We went through those.
Okay. Yeah, okay.
Uh, don't panic, don't
panic, don't panic.
- You okay?
- Don't panic!
Ah! Ah, what'd I tell you?
Don't panic, because we... we
still have one vaccine left.
What I need you to
do is go out there
and tell everyone that. Yeah.
Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
Do I have that?
Wall to wall, brother.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
Oh, gosh, that's what that is.
It happens to the best of us.
There's celebrities that
have too much tartar.
- Okay.
- Lionel Richie.
- No.
- Yeah.
Is it similar to what you
would eat in your village?
Sí. Sí, sí, sí.
Es muy autentica.
It is just like the salsa
my mother would make in a
bowl made from a giant rock.
You must have enjoyed
many fiestas growing up.
Where are you from?
Um...
My sister and I grew up
in a small village near the
banks of the Rio Grande.
All: Ooh!
Jose.
Gracias, Jose.
There's two of them.
Anybody who doesn't get a shot
today will get one tomorrow.
I can't take another
day off of work.
Well, ma'am...
And it's not just me,
it's for my baby!
- I'm sorry...
- And she's all that I have left
of my husband who died in the
war fighting for America!
Okay, no, well, all right.
We'll give you the shot,
if you just come around...
Wait, you're gonna
give her my shot?
Well, sir, it should
probably go to the person
who needs it the most,
don't you think?
Uh, what about me?
I teach preschool.
I'm an actor!
- This is Eugenics!
- Who are you to play God?
Okay, again, again, again!
To put it into perspective,
anybody who doesn't
get a vaccine today
will just have to take a short
car ride to another store,
or come back tomorrow.
That's what the Nazis said.
Both: Olé!
Gracias, gracias, we are so
happy you liked our dance,
but it is also important
to remember that
Latinos can be
doctors, and lawyers,
and architects.
Never mind, I'm just playing.
You should see the look
on your gringo faces.
Arriba!
Uno mas!
♪ ♪
No, Carmen, it's not
what it looks like.
♪ ♪
It's for charity!
Both: Olé!
Attention, shoppers, it is 2:00.
All associates working
the morning shift,
it is time for you to leave.
Where you going?
We're not finished here!
We are not finished!
If you are leaving,
I hope you learned
that no good deed
goes unpunished, but, also,
no matter how bad a day you had,
at the end of your shift
you get to clock out
and leave the job at the door.
Anyway, this does not
pertain to most of you,
so green beans are
on sale for 89¢.
♪ ♪
I can't do this.
- Tough day, huh?
- Yeah.
I just needed to sit.
Mind if I join you?
Be my guest.
♪ ♪
I was reading this
article about UV rays...
Shh.
Got it! Great day, guys.