Supernatural (2005–…): Season 4, Episode 17 - It's a Terrible Life - full transcript

In an alternate reality mysteriously created as if Sam and Dean were never brothers and have never met, Sam and Dean work at a marketing office where they are forced to team up with one another when a series of mysterious suicides point to a ghost haunting the premises.

- Why would an angel rescue me?
- Because we have work for you.

You got a lot to learn, boy.

Is it true? Did I
break the first seal?

- Did I start all this?
- Yes.

Why didn't you
just leave me there?

The righteous man who begins
it is the only one who can finish it.

You have to stop it.

Our fate rests with you.

Find someone else.

It's not me.

NPR Morning Edition. It's
time for this waste and...

All I wanna know is when are they gonna
have another show like Project Runway?


Net profitability aside, it's the
client-retention rate that concerns me...

vis-à-vis maximizing return on sales.
Buzz once you've seen the spreadsheets.

- Mr. Adler.
- Dean.

- Good stuff.
- Good stuff?

- Big things. Good stuff.
- Good stuff.

I hear you. No, I haven't
been to the gym in ages.

Carrying a little bloat
around myself. Heh-heh.

It's a sedentary lifestyle,
my man, no two ways.

All right, tell me one more time.
You said lemon and... What was it?

Cayenne and maple syrup.

Are you serious? How
much did you lose?

- Do I know you?
- I don't think so.

I'm sorry, man, you
just look really familiar.

Save it for the
health club, pal.

Tech Support, this
is Sam Wesson.

Okay. Well, did you try
turning it off and then on?

Okay, go ahead and turn it off.

No, no, no. Just off. All
right, give it a second.

Turn it back on.

Okay, is it printing now?

Great. Anytime.

- Hey.
- Yo.

What do you think of Mimi?

- She's okay.
- Might have to hit that.

Oh, dude, that's totally

- Experience.
- Trifocals.

There's a MILF there,
Sam. I just know it.

- Maybe a GMILF.
- Come on.

- Coffee break?
- Yeah, for sure.

- Paul. Time for a refuel, buddy.
- Sorry, no time.

Since when?

- Dude, we get paid by the hour.
- Working.

- Okay.
- He seems stressed.

Freaked because he got busted
surfing porn on the Internet.

- No, no, no way. When?
- Got sent up to H.R. yesterday.

Guess they put the
fear of God in him.

- Ian, dude.
- Just doing a little shopping.

Running low at home.

So, Sam, had any of
those dreams lately?

What? Don't be like that. Come
on. It's the highlight of my day.

I never should have told you.

They're genius.

Don't hold out on me,
dude. Share with the class.

- You're just gonna be a dick about it.
- What? No way.

I won't say a
word. Total respect.


I dreamt that I saved a grim
reaper named Tessa from demons.


How much "DnD" did you
play when you were a kid?

Oh, my... Okay, so you...

Rescuing the grim reaper.
That's... You're a hero.

I mean, thank God we got Harry Potter
here to save us all from the apocalypse.

- Dick.
- Wizard.

Can I ask you a question?

- I told you, I'm not into...
- Come on, I'm not either.

I just wanna ask
you one question.


What do you think about ghosts?


Do you believe in them?

Uh, tell you the truth, I've
never given it much thought.

- Vampires?
- What? Why?

Because I've been having
some weird dreams lately.

You know what I mean?

No. Not really.

So you've never had any...

weird dreams?

All right, look, man. I
don't know you, okay?

But I'm gonna do
a public service...

and let you know
that you overshare.

Did you turn it off, then on?

All right, well, let's try
that. No, no, it's fine. I'll wait.

Is it printing now?
Oh, that's great.


What you doing?


You get an e-mail from
Human Resources?

No. Why?

Damn it. Guess
it's just me, then.

I'm supposed to, quote,
"Report to H.R.," unquote.

They're finally busting you for
snaking all those office supplies.

I hope they spank me.

No, no, no. Come on.
Don't do this to me. Please.

Hey, man, you okay?

It froze.

- They're crap. They freeze all the time.
- You don't understand.

When I rebooted, everything
was gone. A day's work.

- Well, did you back up?
- No, I didn't back up.

I wish to God I
backed up, but I didn't.

I'll get it back. I'll find it.
It's somewhere. I'll find it.

Paul, it's okay, man.
These things happen.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Please. Please.

All that work. Gone.


Something about this
seem not right to you?

Yeah, try the whole thing.

I'm telling you, man, I'll
never eat popcorn again.

Yeah, right.

Two weeks?

Hey. Why would
someone kill themselves...

two weeks before they
were supposed to retire?

I mean, Paul was two
weeks from freedom.

He should have
been happy, right?

I don't have time for this, Sam.

That's very funny.

What's with you?

I'm working. It's important.

H.R. bust your
balls or something?

You're wearing the shirt.

Did you shave?

Tech Support, this is Ian.

Be right up.

Gotta go up to 22,
speak to a manager.

Hi. Ian, is it?
Yeah, come on in.

Yesterday you
filled out a 445-T...

and no problem, just a few errors
when we did your switch to Vista.

So I'm sure you're used to
filling out the dash-R's, right?

- Oh, no.
- No, no. It's fine. It's fine.

I just need you to redo one so I can get
the show on the road with the invoicing.

- Oh, my God.
- No, it's fine. Re-file it and we're square.

I can't believe I did this.

I can't believe I... I
can't believe I did this.

- Hey, guy, come on.
- No, no.

It affected profits. It...

I screwed up. I...
I can't... I can't...

I am so sorry. I...
How could I do that?

I failed Sandover.

- I failed the company.
- Why don't you sit down, Ian?

- No.
- Ian? Ian. Hey.

Ian, hey. Just chill
out, man. Okay?


Ian, hey, maybe we should
get out of here, huh? Come on.


Look at me.

Somebody help me!

No, I followed him
into the bathroom.

He was... He was standing there
in front of the mirror, and then...

Continue. Sir.

And he stabbed himself in
the neck. I'm sorry, that's...

Tech Support, this is Sam.

I need to see you
in my office. Now.

Come on in. Shut the door.

Who the hell are you?

- I'm not sure I know.
- What the hell does that mean?

Sam Wesson. I started
here three weeks ago.

All right, you cornered
me in the elevator...

talking about ghosts.

And now...

Now what?

Now nothing. I, uh...

So you started working
here three weeks ago, huh?

Yeah, me too.

It's the Master
Cleanse. You tried it?

Phenomenal. Detoxes
you like nobody's business.

When you were in
that bathroom with Ian...

did you see something?

I don't know. I don't
know what I saw.

Wait. Are you saying that...?

Did you see a ghost?

I was freaking out. The
guy penciled his damn neck.

You did, didn't
you? Okay, listen.

What if these suicides
aren't suicides?

I mean, what if they're
something not natural?

So, what, ghosts are real?

And they're responsible for all
the dead bodies around here?

Is that what you're telling me?

I know it sounds crazy.

But yes. That's
what I'm telling you.

Uh-huh. Based on what?


- I've got the same instinct.
- Seriously?

You know those dreams
I was telling you about?

- I was dreaming about ghosts.
- Yeah.

And then it turns out
that there's a real ghost.

So you're telling me that your
dreams are special visions...

and you're some kind of psychic?

No, I mean, that would be nuts.

I'm just saying something weird is
definitely going on around here, right?

So I've been
digging around a little.

I think I found a connection
between the two guys.

You broke into their
e-mail accounts?

I used some skills that I happen
to have to satisfy my curiosity.


Yeah. Okay. So it turns out Ian
and Paul both got this same e-mail...

telling them to report
to H.R., Room 1444.

- H.R.'s on seven.
- Exactly.

- Should we go check this out?
- Like right now?

No. No, it's getting
late. You're right.

- I am dying to check this out right now.
- Right?




- How'd you know how to do that?
- I have no idea.

Holy crap, dude.

Yeah. I could use a beer.

Oh, sorry, man. I'm on the cleanse.
I got rid of all the carbs in the house.

Hey. How the hell did you know
that ghosts are scared of wrenches?

Crazy, right? And nice
job kicking that door too.

That was very Jet Li.

What are you, like a
black belt or something?

No. I have no
clue how I did that.

It's like we've
done this before.

What do you mean, "before"?
Like Shirley MacLaine before?


I can't shake this feeling
like I don't belong here.

You know? Like I should do
something more than sit in a cubicle.

I think most people who
work in a cubicle feel that way.

No. Well, look, it's more than
that. Like, I don't like my job.

I don't like this town.
I don't like my clothes.

I don't like my own last name.

I don't know how else
to explain it, except that...

it feels like I should be
doing something else.

There's just
something in my blood.

Like I was destined
for something different.

What about you?

You ever feel that way?

I don't believe in destiny.

I do believe in dealing with
what's right in front of us, though.

All right, so, what
do we do now?

We do what I do best,
Sammy. Research.


Did you just call me Sammy?

Did I?

I think you did. Yeah.



- Oh, jackpot.
- What you got?

I just found the best site ever.
Real, actual ghost hunters.

These guys are
genius. Check it out.

Instructional videos?

- We know why you're watching.
- You've got a problem.

- A ghost problem.
- A ghost-related problem.

A ghost... It's like a ghost-adjacent
pr... It's like a problem that's...


You've come to the right place.

The only decent place, really, because
the Ghostfacers know how to solve it.

- Period.
- Watch and learn.

The first step in any
supernatural fight:

That's him. That's the ghost.

P.T. Sandover. Died 1916.

Devoted his life to his
work. No wife, no kids.

Used to say he was the company.

His very blood pumped
through the building.

Wow, okay. So slight workaholic.

Maybe he's still here, you know,
watching over the company...

even killing for it.

Plus, this isn't the first time people
started killing themselves in the building.


But lots of guys jumped
off high rises that year.

How many companies
had 17 suicides?


Okay, so P.T. Sandover,
protector of the company.

His ghost wakes up and becomes active
during times of grave economic distress.

The worst time since
the Great Depression...

Is now. Yeah, now sucks.

My portfolio's in the sewer. I
don't even wanna talk about it.

- So Sandover's helping the bottom line...
- By zapping some model employees.

Yeah. I mean, Ian and Paul.

It was like he turned
them into different people.

Perfect worker bees, exactly.
So devoted to the company...

that they would commit
hara-kiri if they failed it.

One more interesting fact, the
building wasn't always that high.

Used to be 14 floors.

And the room where
the ghost attacked, 1444?

Once upon a time, that
was the old man's office.

Once you've got that
thing in your sights...

- You kill it.
- You kill it.

- Using special ghost-hunting weapons.
- First, salt.

It's like acid to ghosts.

Burny acid.

- Not LSD.
- No. It's a bad trip for ghosts.

Next up, iron.

- That's why the wrench worked.
- Pure power in your hand.

Dissipates ghosts instantly.

Next little trick. We learnt this
from those useless douche bags...

- That we hate.
- The Winchesters.

- Gun.
- Shotgun shell.

Pack it up with fresh rock salt.

- Very effective.
- Very effective.

- Winchesters still suck ass, though.
- Affirmative.

Suckage, major.

Where do we even get a gun?

Gun store?

- Isn't there some kind of waiting period?
- I think so.

- How in the hell...?
- I don't know. Seems pretty impossible.


The aforementioned super-annoying
Winchester douche-nozzles...

- also taught us this one other thing.
- You have to burn the remains.

Okay, this next part
gets a little gross.

Sometimes you might
have to dig up the body.

- Sorry.
- It's illegal in some states.

- All states.
- Possibly all states.

- Sandover was cremated.
- What?

So, what do we do now?

Now, if the deceased
has been cremated...

- Don't panic.
- Don't panic.

- Gotta look for some other
remains. HARRY: A hair in a locket.

- Fingernails, baby teeth...
- Milk teeth.

Genetic material. You know
what we're talking about.

Go find it.

- Fight well, young lions.
- Godspeed.

Set your cell phone to walkie-talkie
in case we get separated.

How are we gonna find some
ancient speck of DNA in a skyscraper?

Well, that creepy storeroom
used to be Sandover's office, right?

What the hell are
you doing here?

- Nothing. I just...
- Come with me.

Man, listen. Look.
It's okay. I work here.

Whatever. Tell it to the cops.

Well, come on.


Last time this happened, it
took them two hours to get here.

Let's just wait.

Seriously, I'll wait.

Look, I don't have
the rest of my life here.

DEAN: Hey. You okay?

Call you back.

- Dean, you there? DEAN:
Yeah, listen, I think I got it.

- Meet me on 22.
- Okay, yeah. Just take the stairs.


That's a lot of blood.

Yeah, I know.

Right. So in there.

P.T. Sandover's gloves.

How much you wanna bet
there's a smidge of DNA in there?

Like a fingernail clipping
or a hair? Something.

So you ready?

I have no idea.

Me neither.

- Go for it.
- All right.

Oh. Nice.


- Nice catch.
- Right?

- That was amazing.
- Right?


Man, I gotta tell you. I've
never had so much fun in my life.

Me neither.

Was a hell of a
workout too, wasn't it?

- We should keep doing this.
- I know.

I mean it. There gotta
be other ghosts out there.

- We could help a lot of people.
- Right, we'd be like the Ghostfacers.

No, really. I mean, for real.

What? Like, quit our
jobs and hit the road?


How would we live?

You gotta be kidding me. How would
we get by, with stolen credit cards?

Huh? Eating diner food
drenched in saturated fats?

Sharing a crap
motel every night?

- All just details.
- Details are everything.

You don't wanna go fighting
ghosts without health insurance.

All right. Uh...

- Confession.
- What?

Remember those dreams I
told you about with the ghosts?


I was fighting them.

- Okay.
- With you.

We were these, like, hunters...

and we were friends.

More like brothers, really.

I mean, what if that's
who we really are?

You saw us back
there working together.

The ghost was scrambling
brains. What if it scrambled ours?

- That's insane.
- Is it?

Think about it for
just one second.

What if we think this
is our life, but it's not?

The ghost is dead. We're still
standing. I mean, I'm sorry, but...

Look, all I know is, this isn't
who we're supposed to be.

No. I'm Dean Smith, okay?
Director of Sales and Marketing.

I went to Stanford.

My father's name is Bob, my
mother, Ellen, and my sister, Jo.

When's the last time
you talked to them?

- To any of them?
- Okay, you're upset. Upset, confused...

Yeah, I only moved here because I
broke up with my fiancée, Madison.

But I called her number and
I got a damn animal hospital.

Okay. What are you saying?

Are you trying to say that
my family isn't real? Huh?

That we've been injected
with fake memories? Come on.

All I know is, I got
this feeling in my gut.

And I know.

I know that deep down,
you gotta be feeling it too.

We're supposed to
be something else.

You're not just some
corporate douche bag.

This isn't you.

I know you.

Know me?

You don't know me, pal.

You should go.

I quit.

- Got a minute?
- Sure, of course.

How are you feeling, Dean?

- Uh, great.
- You look a little tired.

- Been working hard, I gather.
- Yeah.

Ah, don't be modest.
I hear everything.

And I'm pleased
with what I'm hearing.

That's why it's important
to me that you're happy.

How's that for a bonus?

- That's very generous.
- Purely selfish.

Wanna make sure
you're not going anywhere.


- Are you sure?
- Positive.

You are Sandover
material, son. Real go-getter.

Carving your own way.

- Well, thanks. I try.
- I see big things in your future.

Maybe even Senior VP,
Eastern Great Lakes Division.

Don't get me wrong,
you'll have to work for it.

Seven days a week,
lunch at your desk.

But in eight to 10 short
years, that could be you.

Well, thank you. Thank you, sir.

It's, um...


I am giving my notice.

This is a joke. You're
kidding me, right?

No. I've...

I recently...

Very recently realized that I
have some other work I have to do.

It's very important to me.

- Other work? Another company?
- No, I... It's hard to explain.

It's just that this...

This is... It's just...

It's not who I'm supposed to be.

- What?
- Dean, Dean, Dean.


The hell?

Why am I wearing a
tie? My God, am I hungry.

Welcome back.

Wait. Did I...?

Did I just get touched by...?

- You're an angel, aren't you?
- I'm Zachariah.

Oh, great. That's all I need
is another one of you guys.

I'm hardly another one,
Dean. I'm Castiel's superior.

Believe me, I had no interest in popping
down here into one of these smelly things.

But after the unfortunate
situation with Uriel...

I felt it necessary
to pay a visit.

- Get my ducks in a row.
- I am not one of your ducks.

Starting with your attitude.

Oh, so, what? This was
all some sort of a lesson?

Is that what you're
telling me? Wow.

- Very creative.
- You should see my decoupage.

Gross. No, thank you.

So, what? I'm just
hallucinating all this? Is that it?

Not at all. Real
place, real haunting.

Just plunked you in the middle
without the benefit of your memories.

Just to shake things up?

So you can have fun watching us run
around like ass clowns in monkey suits?

To prove to you that the path you're
on is truly in your blood. You're a hunter.

Not because your dad made you, not
because God called you back from hell.

But because it is what you are.

You love it. You find your way to it in
the dark and you're miserable without it.

Dean, let's be real
here. You're good at this.

You'll be successful.
You will stop it.

Stop what?

The apocalypse, huh?
Lucifer? What? Be specific, man.

You'll do everything you're
destined to do. All of it.

But I know, I know.

You're not strong
enough. You're scared.

You got daddy issues.
You can't do it. Right?

Angel or not, I will
stab you in your face.

All I'm saying is...

it's how you look at it.

Most folks live and die without moving
more than the dirt it takes to bury them.

You get to change things.

Save people, maybe
even the world.

All the while you drive a classic
car and fornicate with women.

This isn't a curse. It's a gift.

So for God's sakes,
Dean, quit whining about it.

Look around.

There are plenty of
fates worse than yours.

So are you with me?

You wanna go steam
yourself another latte?

Or are you ready to stand up...

and be who you really are?