Supernatural (2005–…): Season 2, Episode 15 - Tall Tales - full transcript

Dad wants us to pick up where he left off.

Saving people, hunting things.

The family business.

You know, there's a really
good cure for a hangover.

It's a greasy pork sandwich
served up in a dirty ashtray.

Ugh, I hate you.

I know you do.

We're not gonna start that crap up again.

Start what up?
-That prank stuff.

It's stupid and it always escalates.

Oh, what's the matter, Sammy?
You're afraid you're gonna get



a little Nair in your shampoo again, huh?

Just remember you started it.

[loud music plays]

What the--?
-One, me.

That's all you got?

That's weak.
-You're a friggin' jerk.

You smell like a toilet.

Chicken.
Jerk.

Bitch.
Shut up.

Wuss.
Bitch.

Jerk.

Bring it on, baldy.

Excuse me.

Are you lost?



No.

I've been waiting for you, professor.

Huh.

Are you in one of my classes?

Don't you recognize me?

Well...

They're big classes.

Anyway, my office hours are
Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

Really? I was hoping I could see you now.

Um...

Well, since you asked so nicely...

Come on.

Such a handsome photo.

Oh, that old thing...

So, what can I do for you?

How's the Anscombe paper coming?

Um, Professor, I...

I have a confession to make.

Oh, what's that?

I'm not really one of your students.

Really?

Then why are you here?

Maybe I should just go.

Wait.

I get it.

I understand how you're feeling
and it' only natural.

You are young and wide-eyed...

And I'm somewhat of a
celebrity around here.

Don't get me wrong, you're
a very beautful girl.

It would be wrong of me
to take advantage of you.

I just...

I just respect you too much.

Oh my god.

What?

Don't you like me anymore?

Don't you want me?

[James Gang's "Walk Away" playing]

Dude.

You mind not eating those on my bed?

No, I don't mind.

How's the research going?

You know how it's going?

Slow.

You know how it would go
a heck of a lot faster?

If I had my computer.

Mmm.

Can you turn that down, please?
-Yeah, absolutely.

You know what?

Maybe you should just go
somewhere for a while, huh?

Hey, I'd love to. That's a great idea.

But unfortunately, my car
is all screwed to hell.

Dean, I told you, I have nothing to do...
-[knocking on door]

Hey, Bobby.

Boys.

Hey, Bobby.

It's good to see you again so soon.

Yeah, uh, thanks for coming.

Come on in.

Thank god you're here.

So...

What didn't you want to talk
to me on the phone about?

It's this job we're working.

We weren't sure you'd believe us.

Well, I can believe a lot.

No, yeah, I know, it's just...

We've never seen anything like it.

Not even close.

We thought we could use some fresh eyes.

Why don't you begin at the beginning?

Yeah, um, all right.
Please.

So...

It all started when we
caught wind of an obit.

See, a professor took a nosedive
from a fourth story window...

...only there's a campus legend
that the building's haunted.

So we pretexted as reporters
from the local paper.

[Junk Food's "Next to You" playing]

Yeah, we both had the professor
for Ethics and Morality.

Yeah? So why do you think he did it?

Who knows? He was
tenured, wife and kids...

His book was like a really big deal.

Then again, who's to say
it was suicide?

Jen, come on.

What else could it be?

Well, you know about Crawford Hall.
-No, I don't actually.

It's a bunch of crap.
It's a total urban legend.

Yeah, well, Heather's mom went to
school here and she knew the girl.

Wait, what girl?

Like thirty years ago.

This girl was having an affair
with some professor.

He broke it off...

...she jumped out of the window
and killed herself.

You know her name?

No.

But they say she jumped from room 669.

Get it?

If you turn the 9 upside down...

So now she haunts the building.

And anyone who sees her...

They don't live to tell the tale.

Well, if no one lives to tell
the tale then how does the

tale get told?
-Curtis! Shut up!

You know what?

Thanks a lot, guys.
Excuse me.

Dean?

What are you drinking?

I don't know, man. I think
they're called purple nurples.

Listen, I think maybe we should go
check out the professor's office.

No, no, no.

I can't right now 'cause I've got some

feisty little wildcat on the hook.
I'm about to reel her in.

I'll introduce you.
-Dean...

Starla.

Starla, hey.

This is my shuttle copilot, Major Tom.

Major Tom...

Starla.

Enchantée.

Hi.

Sorry.

Just trying to keep my liquor down.

Yeah, good job.

Hey, good news.
She's got a sister.

Woah, woah, woah, woah.
Hold on a minute.

What?
-Come on, dude.

That's not how it happened.

No?

So you never drank a purple nurple?

Yeah, maybe that, but...

I don't say things like feisty little wildcat.

And her name wasn't Starla.

Then what was it?

I don't know.

But she was a classy chick.

She was a grad student.
Anthropology and Folklore.

We were talking about local ghost stories.

Here's to...
-Here's to us.

My god, you are attractive.

Thanks.

But no time for that now.

You need to tell me about this urban legend.

Please...

Lives are at stake.

Sorry, I just... I can't even concentrate.

It's like staring...

...into the sun.

Dean, what do you think you're doing?

Sam, please.

If you wouldn't mind, just
give me five minutes here.

Dean, this is a very serious investigation.

We don't have time for any
of your blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah.

Blah, blah blah blah blah.

Blah? Blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah.

BLAAH?

Right, and that's how it really happened.

I don't sound like that, Dean.
-That's what you sound like to me.

Okay.

What's going on with you two?

Nothing, it's nothing.
-Oh, come on.

You're bickering like an old married couple.

No, see, married couples can get divorced.

Me and him, we're like, uh, Siamese twins.

It's conjoined twins.
-See what I mean?

Look, it...

We've just been on the road for
too long, tight quarters all day.

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

So, anyway...

We figured it might be a haunting.

So we went to check out
the scene of the crime.

So, how long have you been working here?

I've been mopping this floor for six years.

There you go, guys.

[EMF makes noise]
What the heck is that for?

Just finding wires in the walls.

Huh, wow.

Not sure why you're wiring up this office.

It's not gonna do the professor much good.

Why's that?

He's dead.

Oh, what happened?

He went out that window, right there.

Yeah?
-Mhm.

Were you working that night?

I'm the one who found him.

You see it happen?

Nope.

I just saw him come up here and, uh...

Well...
-What?

He wasn't alone.

Who was he with?

Come on, I ate one, maybe two.

Just let me tell it, okay?

He was with a young lady.

I told the cops about her, but, uh...

I guess they never found her.

You saw this girl go in, huh?

But did you ever see her come out?

Now that you mention it, no.

You ever see her before, around?

Not her.

What do you mean?

I don't mean to cast aspersions
on a dead guy, but, uh...

Mr Morality here...

He brought a lot of girls up here.

Got more ass than a toilet seat.

One more thing.

This building, it only has

four stories, right?

Yeah.

So there wouldn't be a room 669?

Of course not.

Why do you ask?

Uh, just curious.

Thanks.

Well, no traces of EMF, that's for sure.

Yeah, and that room 669 is a load of crap.

So, what do you think?

The professor's just a jumper?
A legend's just a legend?

I don't know, I mean the uh...

The girl the janitor described.
That's pretty weird.

Yeah.

We ought to check out the
history of the building.

See if any co-ed ganked herself there.

Yeah, you're right.

Dude.

Were you on my computer?

No.
-Oh, really?

'Cause it's frozen now.

Dean?

Would you... just...

Don't touch my stuff anymore, okay?

Why don't you control your OCD?

Did you dig up anything about the building?

Or on the suicidal co-ed?

No.

History's clean.

So it's not a haunting?

Maybe not.

To tell you the truth, we're not really sure.

What do you mean, you're not sure?

Well...

It's weird.

What's weird?

This next part we, uh...

We didn't see it happen
ourselves exactly but

It's pretty friggin' weird.
Even for us.

[short loud noise]

[whooshing sound]

Ah!

Oh!

[screaming]

Aliens?

Yeah.

Aliens?
-Yeah.

Look, even if they are real

they're sure as hell not coming
to Earth and swiping people.

Hey, believe me, we know.

My whole life I've never
found evidence of an

honest-to-god abduction.

It's all just cranks and pranks.

Yeah, that's what we thought.

But...

We figured we'd at least talk to the guy.

You gotta give those
purple nurples a shot.

Phew, heh.

So what happened, Curtis?

You won't believe me, nobody does.

Give us a chance.

I do not want this in the papers.

Off the record then.

I, uh...

I blacked out and...

I lost time and...

When I woke up, I don't know where I was.

Then what?

They did tests on me.

And, um...

They, uh...

They probed me.

They probed you?

Yeah, they probed me.

Again and... again and...

And again...

And again, and again, and again

and then one more time.

Yikes.

That's not even the worst of it, they...

How could it get any worse?

Some alien made you his bitch.

They...

They made me...

Slow dance.

[Chris de Burgh's "Lady in Red" playing]

[alien sighs]

Heh.

You guys are exaggerating again, huh?

No.

Then this frat boy's just nuts.

We're not so sure.

I'm telling you, Dean.

This was made by some kind of jet engine.

What do you mean, some
saucer-shaped jet engine?

What else could it be?

What the hell?
-I don't know.

Seriously, dude, what the hell?
-I don't know.

I mean, first the haunting, now this.

The timing alone, there's gotta
be some kind of connection here.

What do you mean, between the
angry spirit and the sexed-up E.T.?

What could the connection possibly be?

What could we do?

So we just kept on digging.

So, you and this guy Curtis...

You were in the same house? -Yeah.

And you heard what happened to him, right?

Yeah, he says it was aliens but, you know...

Whatever.

Look, man, I...

I know this all has to be so hard.

Um, not so much.

I want you to know...

I'm here for you.

You brave little soldier.

I acknowledge your pain.

Come here.

You're too precious for this world.

I never said that.

You always say pansy stuff like that.

Well... um...

Yeah, uh... Thanks?

Thanks for the hug, but...
-Yeah.

I'm okay, really.

To tell you the truth, whatever
happened to Curtis, he had it coming.

Why is that?

He's our pledge master.

Put us through hell this semester.

And got off on it.

So now he knows how we feel.

Hm.

It's okay.

It still don't make a lick of sense.

But hey...

At least there's one connection.

Between what?

The victims.

The professor and the, uh, frat guy.

They're both dicks.

That's a connection?

If you got anything better
to go on, I'd love to hear.

Where's my laptop?

I don't know.

Think about it.

A philandering professor gets a dead girl.

A pledge master gets hazed.

I left it in here.
-Well you obviously didn't.

I mean, these punishments, they're...

They're almost poetic.

Actually, it'd be more
like a limerick, but still...

Okay, hilarious. Haha.

Where'd you hide it?

What, your computer? -Yeah.

Where'd you hide it?
-Why would I take your computer?

Because no one else could have, Dean.

We keep the door locked,
we never let any maids in.

Looks like you lost it, poindexter.

Dude...

You know something?

I put up with a lot from you.
-What are you talking about?

I'm a joy to be around.

Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink?

Your food in the fridge?

What's wrong with my food?

It's not food anymore, Dean.

It's Darwinism.
-I like it.

And, you know what?
All I ask from you, the one thing

is that you don't mess with my stuff.

You done?

You know...

How would you feel if I
screwed with the Impala?

It'd be the last thing you ever did.

Did you take his computer?

Serves him right, but no.
-Well I didn't lose it.

'Cause I don't lose things.

Oh that's right, yeah.
'Cause he's Mr Perfect.

Okay, okay. Why don't you just
tell me what happened next?

There was one more victim.
-Right, now we didn't...

see this one ourselves either.
We kind of put it together

from the evidence.
But this guy, he was...

He was a research scientist.

Animal testing.

Yeah, you know, a dick.

Which fits the pattern.

[growling sound]

[screaming]

Cops didn't release a cause of death

because they had no clue what the cause was.

So...

We checked it out ourselves.

This ought to be quick.

Ugh.

Okay.

That is just nasty.

Yeah.

Mutilated?

Looks to me like something was hungry.

They identify him yet?

Yeah, a research scientist at college.

Guess where his office was, by the way. -Hm?

Crawford Hall, same as the professor.
-That's right where the frat boy had

his close encounter.

Yeah.

Hey, grab me that thing, would you?

Thanks.

What is it?

Looks like a...

A belly scale?

A belly scale? From what?

Uhh...

An alligator?

Alligator in the sewer.

Come on.
-What?

Dean, it's a classic urban legend.

A kid flushes the baby alligator
down the toilet and it grows

huge in the tunnels?

Yeah, but no one's ever really
found one, I mean it's...

They're not real.
-Well neither is alien abduction.

But something jumped on this guy.

This couldn't get any weirder.

Maybe we should get some help.

I'll call Bobby. Maybe he's run
into something like this before.

Oh, I'm sure he has.
Just your typical

haunted campus alien abduction
alligator in the sewer gig.

Yeah, it's simple.

We decided to search the sewer anyway.

So we split up, each taking
one end of campus.

Did you find anything?

Yeah I found something.

Just not in the sewer.

Son of a bitch.

SAM!

You think this is funny?

It depends.

What?

The car!
-What about the car?

You can't let the air out
of the tires, you idiot.

You're gonna bend the rims.

Woah, wait a minute.

I didn't go near your car.

Oh yeah? Huh.

Then how did I find this?

Hey. Give me back my money.

Oh, no, no.

Consider it reparations for,
uh, emotional trauma.

Yeah, very funny.
Now give it back.

No.

Dean, I've had it up to here with you.

Yeah, right back at you.

Come on!

Get off!
-Give it back!

Okay, I've heard enough.

Anyway, you showed up
about an hour after that.

I'm surprised at you two.

I really am.

Sam, first off...

Dean did not steal your computer.

But I... I...
-Shh.

And Dean, Sam did not touch your car.

Yeah.

And if you two bothered to pull
your heads out of your asses...

it all would've been pretty clear.

What?
-What you're dealing with.

Uh...

I got nothing.
-Me neither.

You got a trickster on your hands.

That's what I thought.

What? No you didn't.
-Well I gotta tell you...

You guys were the biggest clue.

What do you mean?

These things create chaos and mischief

as easy as breathing.
And it's got you so turned around

and at each other's throats...

You can't even think straight.
-The laptop.

The tires.

It knows you're onto him.

And it's been playing you like fiddles.

So what is it, what... a...

A spirit, demon? What?

Well... more like demigods really.

There's Loki in Scandinavia,
there's Anansi in West Africa...

Dozens of them.

They're immortal and they can
create things out of thin air.

Things as real as you and me.

And make them vanish just as quick.

You mean like an angry spirit
or an alien or an alligator?

The victims fit the M.O., too.

Tricksters target the high and the mighty.

Knock 'em down a peg, usually
with a sense of humor.

Deadly pranks, things like that.

Bobby, what do these things look like?

Lots of things.
But human mostly.

And what human do we know that's
been at ground zero this whole time?

Oh. That's a good one.

[whistles]

Come here.

Could you eat?
I could eat.

Come on.

Something's missing.

Sorry I'm dragging a little ass today, boys.

Had quite the night last night.

Lots of sex, if you catch my drift.

Yeah, hard not to.

Listen, we won't be long.
We just need to check

a couple of offices up on 3.

No problem.

Oh damn, I...

I forgot something in the truck.

You know what?
I'll catch up with you guys.

Okay.

Just 'cause he reads the
Weekly World News doesn't

mean he's our guy.

I mean you read it too.
-I'm telling you, it's him.

Look, I just think we need
some hard proof, that's all.

Okay, another thing Bobby mentioned
was that these suckers have a metabolism

like an insect, all right?
A real sweet tooth.

Well, I didn't find any candy bars.

Or sugar.
Not even Equal.

That's probably 'cause
you missed something.

I don't miss things.
-Oh, right.

'Cause you're Mr Perfect.

What?

You're really still pissed at me
'cause of what the trickster did?

Oh come on, man.
You've been a tight ass

long before that trickster showed up.

Look, just... Stay here,
keep an eye on the janitor

I'll go to his place, see if I
can find any actual evidence

before you go barging in, staking the man.

Just wait until I get back, okay?

Okay?
-Okay.

Ah, screw this.

[Barry White's "Can't Get Enough
of Your Love, Baby" playing faintly]

We've been waiting for you, Dean.

You... You guys aren't real.

Trust me, sugar.
It's gonna feel real.

Hah.

Come on... Let us give you a massage.

You know, I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Really.

I am, but...

I'm gonna have to pass.

They're a peace offering.

I know what you and your brother do.

I've been around a while.

I've run into your kind before.

Well, then you know that I...

can't let you just keep hurting people.

Ugh, come on.

Those people got what
was coming to them.

Hoisted on there own petards.

But you and Sam...

I like you.

I do.

So treat yourself.
Long as you want.

Just...

Long enough for me to
move on to the next town.

Yeah, I don't think I can let you do that.

I don't want to hurt you.

And you know that I can.

Look, man, I...

I gotta tell you, I dig your style.

All right? I mean...

I do, I mean...
Phew, heh.

And the slow-dancing alien?

One of my personal favorites, yeah.

But, uh... I can't let you go.

Too bad.

Like I said, I liked you.

But Sam was right...

You shouldn't have come alone.

Well, I'll agree with you there.

[door opens]

That fight you guys had outside...

That was a trick?

Hm.

Not bad.

But you want to see a real trick?

[chainsaw starts]

Ha!

Nice toss, ladies!

Nice show.

Dean...

Dean, Dean, Dean.

I did not want to have to do this.

Me neither.

You guys okay?

Yeah.

I guess.

Well, I gott say...

He had style.

Oh.

Bobby, thanks a lot.
We really couldn't...

Oh, save it.

Let's just get the hell out of dodge
before somebody finds that body.

Yeah.

Look, Dean, um...

I just want to say...

That I'm, uh...

Um...

Hey.

Me too.

You guys are breaking my heart.
Can we please just leave?

-- subtitles by leaiks --