Supernatural (2005–…): Season 14, Episode 4 - Mint Condition - full transcript

Sammy. It's me.

I don't remember most of what Michael did
because I was underwater. Drowning.

And that I remember.

I felt every second of it.

Why would Michael
give up his vessel like that?

I don't know.

Ghost 101.

Ghost possession.

Definitely a ghost.

Somebody's spirit can attach itself
to an object or a bunch of objects.

Everything has a weakness.



No!

They hate iron and salt.

Whatever happens,
you stay inside this circle.

Where's the spear?

So, Michael wants the spear
because he knows it can hurt him.

- You're no different than him.
- I am nothing like him.

Do you have unwanted gold
just lying around the house

collecting dust?
Why not turn that gold into cash?

Here at Diamond Dave's
you can have cash in your hands today.

We'll take anything you wanna sell us.

When Aunt Gloria passed away,

she left me so much jewelry
I didn't know what to do.

That's when I called Diamond Dave's.

If it's gold, it's cash in your hands.



You're watching Shocker TV.

This week on Shocker,
it's gonna be a bloodbath.

We've got slicing and dicing.

We've got scream queens
and killing machines.

24 hours a day, all week long.

Time to slice and dice.

Whoa!

Mezco 15-inch Mega-Scale Panthro.

So handsome, so angry.

Hey, Sam.

Stuart, what did you do?

I... Uh, nothing.

Really? Because according to Yelp,

and this awesome
one-star review we just got,

you screamed at a customer, and called him
a quote "Mongoloid Tribble,

in a robotic exoskeleton built by
Tony Stark's inbred third cousin."

Which is not cool,
and weirdly, creepily specific.

That. He said I couldn't beat up Superman.

Okay. Again, Superman is not real.

Okay, that's not the point.

And I have seen you get winded
eating a taco.

Okay, that doesn't matter.

If I had Kryptonite gloves,
I could beat up Superman. Anyone could.

That's science, Sam.

Look, I like that you care,
really, really care about this stuff

but we need every customer
we can get, okay?

So, just chill. A little. Please.

Yeah. I'm... Okay.

I'm sorry, Sam.
I just get spun out sometimes.

I know.

Coming to game night?

Of course. I'll see you there.

Yeah? Well, all I'm hearing is excuses.

Look, I don't care about traffic, okay?

It has been over 30 minutes, so, hello?
Free pizza.

What the heck?

How did you...

Must've brought them back,
back from hell. Again.

Hell Hazers 3, it lives, again.

And now, back to Hatchet Man,
All Saints Day.

There'll be no further interruptions.

Time to slice and dice.

Son of a bitch.

Hey! This area's closed off!

I said beat it, buddy!

Time to slice and dice.

Yo.

- Hey.
- What?

What are you doing?

Horror marathon on Shocker.

Just made my way through the Halloweens,
and now I'm about to...

Oh. Wow.

What?

Oh. Yes, I shaved.

I mean, it's so smooth.
It's like a dolphin's belly.

Yeah, yeah. Hey. Um...

I wanna check up on you.

You doin' okay?

I mean, you haven't really
come out of your room in almost a week.

Well, since when is "okay"
part of this job, huh?

Yeah, Cass is, you know,
showing Jack the ropes,

and Dark Kaia and her spear
are in the wind,

and we have no clue where Michael is
or what he's up to.

And, not that I'm complaining,

but the house is full of strangers, so...

So, your plan is to just lay in here,
watching a Hatchet Man movie, seriously?

All Saints Day is a classic.

Time to slice and dice.

Is it?

Why do you care?
You don't even like scary movies.

Well, yeah.
Dean, our life is a scary movie.

Exactly.

I like it when they run.

All right, well,
I hate to disturb your marathon,

but I think I found us a case.

More Michael monsters?

No.

Killer toy.

What kinda toy?

And then the thing freaking jumped me!

I mean, it wouldn't stop.
It was over and over.

Panthro kicked my ass.

Thundercats? Seriously?

Yeah. But I mean, you got your pizza,
at least eight more of these movies.

So, I'll just leave you to it,
and I'll give one of the other guys...

Hell no. Hell no. No.

The Panthro is mine.

I wonder if we're talking,
like, one toy gone bad,

or if it's like the whole crew, you know,
like, Puppet Master-style.

Do you actually
want there to be more than one?

I don't know.

Boo!

Yeah!

- Still not a fan of Halloween?
- Nope.

- Happy Halloween.
- So lame.

Happy Halloween!

Hey. I can help you guys in just a second.

She's like your twin.

What? What are you taking about?

Well, soft, delicate features,
luxurious hair.

She's, like, your Wonder Twin.

Yeah.

All right, okay. Well, if that's me,
then that's you over there. Ha!

- That guy?
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. We have zero in common.

Hatchet Man! No way.

Sam, check it out.
It's David freakin' Yaeger.

Yeah.

- Press the button.
- Hmm?

Time to slice and dice.

Oh, dude!

We all do bad things sometimes.

Trick or treat.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, dude.

I need this. How much?

Not for sale. Hatchet Man's a classic.

Yeah, nothing in common.

Okay. What can I help you guys with?
Funko Pops? Magic cards?

- Uh, Stuart Blake?
- Vintage Hot Wheels.

I'm sorry, were you getting helped
by Stuart with vintage Hot Wheels or...

No, sorry.
My name is Ian Gillan, and this...

Ritchie Blackmore.
We're with Campbell and Sons Insurance.

We heard about
Stuart's little incident with the toy,

and we're hoping to speak to him.

He's at home healing up.

Well, we went to his place,
and his roommate said he'd moved out.

Kicked out, actually.

Right, they had a fight.

Over?

Fist of the North Star.

Stuart said that the dubbed version
was better, but...

You know what, forget it.

I like Stuart, but he's an acquired taste.

Sounds like a guy
who could make a lot of enemies.

I mean, not real ones.
Maybe online. He trolls everything.

Okay. Where can we find Stuart now?

He's at his mom's house.

Of course he is.

Thanks.

Stewie will be up in just a minute.

Thanks.

I can't believe
you had her make us apple cider.

She offered.

No! No! You stupid, dumb...

It's not how you play the...

Game over! I'm done! Done!

Who are you?

We're from Campbell and Sons Insurance,
and...

What were you doing down there?

Fortnite.

It's a video game.

It's "the" video game.

Yeah, well, I'm a Zelda for life, so...

What, are you burning sage down there?

So? I dated this goth chic.
Like, super hot.

We met online. And she was into Wicca.

She said that burning sage was, like,
good luck or some crap like that.

Hmm. So, you're not together anymore?

No.
I broke it off before we could MIRL.

You know, I mean,
who needs goth girl drama, am I right?

"MIRL"?

M-I-R-L. Meet in real life.

Why do you know what that means?

Stuart, we're here to ask about the attack
you reported. With the toy?

I made it up.

You what?

The whole thing. I lied.

But the video...

That was fake.

I didn't think expect it to go viral,

but it did, and... I just...

I fell.

Hmm. Because the hospital report said
that you had marks on your face,

your legs, your back and your genitals.
That's not a slip and fall.

I don't see why an insurance company
would care, you know.

And I think it's time for you to leave.

- Okay, but...
- Now.

Well, Lady-you wasn't kidding.
That guy's a piece of work.

No. Whatever happened was not an accident.

Okay, but, Big Bang in there,
not a great liar.

No. So what are we thinking? Spell?

Well, his girlfriend was into Wicca.

Yeah, Wicca doesn't always mean witch.

Except when it does.

All right. Let's wait till they leave,
then check out the house for hex bags.

Deal.

Yeah, find some lamb's blood.

Right, exactly.
All right, good. Stay safe.

All good?

Yeah. It was Riley. He'll be fine.

I don't know who Riley is, but cool.

Happy Halloween!

So seriously,
what is your deal with Halloween?

I don't like it.

Yeah, but why don't you like it? Hmm?

And don't give me that, like,

"well, every day is Halloween for us"
crap, okay?

'Cause one, it ain't.

We don't eat that much candy.

Two, you've had this hate-on
for years. So?

Mom's on the move.

All right, what about our guy?

You know, I think
I know why Stuart changed his story.

The comments on his video
are all pretty brutal.

People are calling him a liar, a loser,

Thunderspaz,
Snarf's love child, "Panthro's b..."

- Rhymes with "itch"?
- Yeah.

Gotta love the Internet.
Where everyone can be a dick.

Help me! Help me! Help!

- Stay with him.
- Yeah.

It's okay. Hang on, hang on.
Wait. We'll get you help.

My poor baby.

Yeah, it was touch and go there
for a while,

but doctors say he's gonna be all right.

I'm just grateful you showed up, I...

Thank you. You saved his life.

Oh...

I should run back home,
get Stewie his favorite pillow.

Actually, you know what, uh,

it's probably better
if you just stay here.

Yeah. Just until he wakes up, you know.

Yeah, of course. You're right.
I'm just all flustered.

It's okay. Everything's fine.

Everything is not fine.

Yeah. My first clue
was the flying chainsaw.

While you were waiting for the ambulance,
I did a quick sweep for hex bags. Nothing.

But then I pulled out the EMF,
it went freaking crazy.

So it's a ghost.

Yeah. Hey, we gotta figure out
a way to keep his mom here

while we clear the house.

You know, I don't get why
a ghost would be gunning for Stuart.

Murder, grave robbery,
stole his favorite Pokémon,

I mean, take your pick.

Yeah. All right, you stay here with them.

I'll go check the house, ask around.
See if anybody...

Got dead lately?

- Yeah.
- All right.

Nice, Sam. Smooth.

What the hell?

Now back to our feature.

Are you insane?
He will never understand...

- Hey.
- Hey. What are you doing here?

Just keeping an eye on Stuart.

He must have awesome insurance.

Super awesome.

Hmm.

Trick or treat.

He's still out.

Yeah, the nurse told me.

Babs went out for a quick bite.

Figured I'd stick around.
I wanna be here when he wakes up.

He's kinda my best friend.

Is that right?

Look, I...

I know Stuart has his stuff,
but we all do.

And me and my dad
don't get along so great,

and whenever we really have it out,

Stuart lets me crash at his place.

No questions asked.

We just eat pizza and watch movies.

It's... zen.

Sounds like a good friend.

Yeah, but now, when his mom called,

said someone had attacked him
with a chainsaw?

Looks like.

Happy Halloween, huh?

Oh, I gotta get out of here.

Cool. All Saints Day Ill.

Time to slice and dice.

Like, creeping me out to the max.

Trick or treat.

Time to slice and dice.

Never gets old.

You know,
a lot of people don't like this one,

but it's actually my favorite.

I mean, sure, there's no way
a hospital would ever be that empty,

but that's overthinking it.

I don't know.
I've been to a lot of hospitals at night.

Trust me, they get pretty empty.

Okay, so All Saints Day Ill,
that's my top pick. What about you?

I mean, I like Five, right?

The Search for David Yaeger
'cause it's weird, but it's bloody.

- So bloody. In the best way.
- Yeah.

But, uh, I'm gonna go with number four.

- Hatchet Man Lives?
- Yeah.

Nice choice.
"Killed in a prank gone wrong."

"Mechanic David Yaeger comes back

every year on the day after Halloween.

On All Saints' Day,
Hatchet Man takes his revenge!"

You really know your ASD.

Yeah, well. Growing up,

it was always nice
to check out once in a while,

I liked to watch movies
where I know the bad guy's gonna lose.

Knock, knock. Time to die.

No!

Oh, um... We're closing.

Yeah, right. I just...
So, I'm just here to...

Did you hear about Stuart?

Yeah, his mom told us what happened
when she dropped off his keys.

I mean, what happened to him,
that's insane.

Yeah. Yeah, so,
I actually have a few questions.

Um, I mean,
they might be a little different.

Different like?

Different like,
has anyone close to Stuart died recently?

You're an insurance dude, right?

Yeah. Yeah, and we wouldn't normally
ask these kinds of questions

but it's a special circumstance and...

Well, I mean, Jordan.

- Jordan?
- Yeah, he owned the store,

he taught Stuart, Dirk, and I everything
we know about comics and games.

He was like our own personal Willy Wonka.

Oh.

Sounds like a great guy.

He was.

Cancer sucks, you know?

Yeah. So, who owns the place now?

Me. And Dirk. Jordan left it to us.

But not Stuart?

Stuart worked here,
but Jordan fired him. Twice.

He kept catching Stuart stealing.

And to Jordan,
this place was his life, you know.

And you hired Stuart back?

He's my friend.

Right. Okay, where is Jordan buried?

Nowhere. He was cremated.

Oh. Um...

Right, sure.
Excuse me, I just have to...

What's that?

Nothing. It's a carbon monoxide detector.

What, is that bad?

Yeah. Yep, pretty bad.

You know what? You should leave now.

What? No.

Okay, listen to me, this is weird,
but I think you're in danger...

Samantha?

Samantha?

Oh, God.

Hey! Hey. Are you okay?

No. What just happened?

I think a... I think a ghost...

A ghost?

Yes. Um, all right, listen to me.

Ghosts are real.
And they can possess things.

People, toys, chainsaws.
And, apparently, life-sized figurines.

You're not from an insurance company,
are you?

Not exactly. Listen, I'm not sure,

but I think the ghost of Jordan
is trying to kill Stuart.

Wait, what?

Did he hurt you?

No, he just... He shoved me
out of the way, and then he bolted.

It's locked. Where are the keys?

- Hatchet Man or whatever took them.
- You're sure?

I mean, I was pretty busy screaming,
but, yeah, I'm sure.

Is this expensive?

What? No, don't.

Yeah. It's shatterproof glass.
Jordan was pretty serious about thieves.

Stop!

The aerobics instructor
in the giant mixer, right?

And then the kids the next morning
at the rec center,

they're all eating breakfast,
and then one finds a tooth

with all the stringy bits
still hooked into it?

Oh! Come on.
I mean, forget Freddy or Jason,

that's top-ten horror movie kill
right there.

- Top five, even.
- Oh.

And then the jock guy's face,

when Hatchet Man shoves it
into the engine fan of that truck,

and it just like...

Did you know that they made
the brain splatter with saltwater taffy?

I did not know that. That's pretty cool.

Excuse me.

Yeah, what's up, Sam?

We were right, it's a ghost.
Guy's name was Jordan MacNeel.

He used to own the comic shop.

All right, so we're going
to the graveyard, or what?

No, no, no. He was cremated. And, uh...

And what?

So, he possessed the David Yaeger figure
at the shop,

and I think he's coming for Stuart.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are you telling me

that Hatchet Man, David Yaeger,
is coming here?

I mean, not literally, but...

Hatchet Man is coming here?

Trick or treat.

Hey, hey. Look at that.

Hey, man!

Whoo!

David Yaeger!

Killer costume.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, trick or treat.

If ghosts are real,
does that mean vampires...

- Yep.
- Witches?

- Uh-huh.
- Werewolves?

Unless it's Godzilla, it's real.
All right, get in.

- But...
- Now.

Listen to me,
ghosts can't cross a salt line, okay?

So whatever you hear, whatever you see,
whatever happens, stay inside. Capisce?

What I don't get is
why is Jordan going after Stuart now?

It doesn't make any sense.

Stuart's been stealing.

What?

I mean, not cash,
just stuff that he thought was cool.

And Stuart doesn't have
good impulse control.

I've been taking money out of his checks
to make up for it,

but I guess a ghost wouldn't know that.

Yeah. I guess not.

Oh, come on.

- Damn it.
- Yeah, it's a hardcore lock.

- Well, we gotta get out of here.
- Okay, how?

Do you have cleaning supplies?

What the...

Help!

What's happening? I gotta get out of here!

Hey! Jordan, I...

I know you're trying to kill Stuart.
But he's my friend.

He's our friend.

So if you wanna do this,
you have to go through me!

Crap.

Hey, where are you? Come on.

Run. Run, girl.

I like it when they run.

Hey, you see that? You see that?
My favorite part.

Stop! Leave me alone!

Ooh!

Help! Somebody!

Enough talking. More killing.

You kidding me? Are you kidding me? Right?

Damn!

She's so slow. Come on, man.

Somebody please help me, please!
Where is everybody?

Ooh! Run, girl. Run!

You gotta run, girl. Come on, man.
My grandma run faster than you.

Help! Somebody, anybody! Help me!

Where is everybody?

Oh, God. Oh, God. Jordan, please!

You're dead!

Get away from me!
We killed you! You're dead!

We all do bad things sometimes.

Press that button! Press that button!
He'd never catch me. Tell you that much.

No, this can't be happening.

No. No!

- You can't run from Hatchet Man!
- This isn't...

You're not real!

All right. Pretty sure this will work.

Where did you learn how to do this?

I had a messed up childhood.

Okay. Here goes.

Yep, all right, uh, get back.

Get down.

- Cool.
- Cool.

I told you stay put.

You don't... He's here.

Where?

Time to slice and dice.

Oh, hell.

David Yaeger was an honest man,
making an honest living,

until one night
when a practical joke turned deadly.

One day, we're gonna have to answer
for the things we did that night.

It was just a prank.

Now, David Yaeger is back
with his faithful hatchet

to get revenge on those who took his life.

If the people responsible for his death
weren't torn up about it,

they're going to be.

Time to slice and dice.

In this dark, quiet hospital,
they can run, they can hide...

We killed you! You're dead!

...but there's no escaping
the Hatchet Man.

Trick or treat.

No, this can't be happening.

We all do bad things sometimes.

Coming soon to a theater near you.

Pray for survival.

All right, look, man,

I know once you go Casper,

things can get a little, uh...
Well, a lot crazy.

The way I see it, you got two options.

One, you let this go,
and you walk into the light.

Or two, I send you there.

Time to slice and dice.

I was kinda hoping you'd say that.

Stay back. I got this!

Problem is, the ghost
is always tied to an object, right?

Its bones,
something that meant a lot to it in life.

Whatever that thing is,
the ghost is usually stuck there.

But Jordan, he's been all over.

The shop, Stuart's house,
so how's he moving around?

- The keychain!
- What?

It was Jordan's, and then Stuart closed up
the night he got attacked,

and he brought the shop keys home.

And then his mom brought them back after.

I mean, could that...
Does that make sense?

Yeah. It does. Come on.

We all do bad things sometimes.

I... Sorry?

Dean! Keychain.

Come on, come on, come on!

Here, here. Use this.

Hurry up!

Time to slice and...

Is it really over? Just like that?

"Just like that"?

Yeah. You're all safe now. Even Stuart.

And Jordan, is he...

He's in a better place.

Thanks, man.

Hmm?

You got me out here

'cause you needed
to get me out of my funk,

and give me a win. And you did.

So... thanks.

Gotta admit, it didn't go
exactly like I thought it would...

Hey, man, I just went toe-to-toe
with David friggin' Yaeger.

- That was awesome.
- Yeah, it wasn't really...

Don't ruin this for me.

Hey, Dean.

When we get back to the bunker,

I mean, you gotta stop
hiding out in your room.

I'm not hiding out.

And I get why you're doing it. I do.

But... what happened with Michael...

You said yes for me.

For Jack. For your family.
You did the right thing.

What happened after...

Just because
Michael was wearing your face,

doesn't mean any of this is on you.

I don't blame you. No one blames you.

You gotta try
and stop blaming yourself. Please.

I'm never gonna get over it.
Okay? I'm just not.

But you're right.

I'm not doing anybody any good
by just staying cooped up in my room.

So, whatever you need. I'm there.

A'ight, Chief?

All right, well, that is it.
Halloween is officially over.

Good.

Okay, seriously, why?
Why do you hate Halloween?

What is it? Was it the time
that I ate all your Halloween candy?

- No.
- Was it something Dad did?

- No, dude. You don't wanna know.
- No, I really do. Really.

What?

All right.

Remember Andrea Howell?

- No.
- When I was in sixth grade,

we were living in Bismarck,
I had a huge crush on her.

Aw! That's adorable. Continue.

So, she invited me to her Halloween party.

I said yes, and I went over.
And at first, everything was great,

and then we started to play games.

Spin the bottle?

Bobbing for apples.

Like I said, I had a crush,

so the entire night
my stomach was in knots.

And when it was my turn,
I bent down, and...

No.

Hurled.

Everywhere. Lunch, dinner, it all came up.

On Andrea, mostly.

People ran and screamed,
and it was so bad.

That's great.

I ended up hiding out in the woods,
until you finally came and got me.

So that's why you hate Halloween?

Yeah.

Oh, come on, man, you gotta get over that.
That's... I mean...

All right, this is what we're gonna do.
Next year, we're doing Halloween right.

Okay? I'm thinking matching outfits, like,

- Batman and Robin.
- No.

- Bert and Ernie.
- No.

- That's weird.
- Yes.

- Rocky, Bullwinkle.
- Dean.

- Shaggy and Scooby.
- Why would we...

Turner and Hooch. Ren and Stimpy.

Come on, now.

Thelma and Louise.

- But Thelma...
- We just put it in drive and go.

What the...

Trick or treat.