Supernatural (2005–…): Season 13, Episode 19 - Funeralia - full transcript

Sam and Dean must stop Rowena, who is on a deadly mission. Meanwhile, Castiel looks to heaven to recruit angels for an impending invasion but is shocked by not only what he finds, but who.

Castiel, our numbers
were greatly diminished

after the fall.

No one's made new angels
since the dawn of creation.

We're going extinct.

You did well, Dumah.
You delivered him as promised.

We hear you have influence
with the nephilim.

No, I will not help you.

Ever the renegade.

But you just let
the deadliest witch in the world

walk away with a page
from this book.

But if she's right and if
she does see Lucifer again,

I hope she makes him suffer.

And if Rowena breaks bad,
I will hunt her down myself

and put a bullet in her.
One needle stops the heart,

the other one starts it up again.

Dean, you're talking
about killing yourself.

- Yeah, well, it worked before.
- That's an insane risk to take.

Dean! Hey.

Hello. My name is Jessica.

I'm a reaper, and I'm here
to lead you to your next life.

Hey, Dean.

Billie. No, I saw Cass kill you.

Kill one incarnation of Death,
like you did,

the next reaper to die
takes his place.

So you died to become Death?

I've come to claim what's mine.


Gabriel! What are you doin',
son? I broke you!

Welcome to the team.

I'm not really a team guy.
I'm gonna bounce.

No, Gabriel, please.

Hello, boys.

I'm very sure I've done nothing
that you know of

to make you want to call,
but how lovely to hear from you.

Rowena, that's...
That's not... We, um...

You'll have to speak up.

We need your help. Really?

We must assemble
our most powerful allies

to rescue our family

and confront
the archangel Michael.

Now he's in
an alternate universe, so...

The handsome angel
is there, isn't he?

Hello, Tweetie Pie.

Um... hello.


obviously, I'd love to help,
after what you...

Sam did for me,

but I'm in the damp
Pacific Northwest right now,

working on
my own little project.

Project? What project?

Nothing for you to worry about.

Just checking a few items off
my little “to do” list.

Sure, that didn't sound ominous.

Rowena, are you at a...
party or something?

I am, but I'm surprised you
recognize the sounds of a party,

seeing as how you're all work
and no play.

Look, we didn't call
to talk, we...

The world is in danger, Rowena.

And I'm currently surrounded by
art that makes me think

the world should be in danger.

Best of luck to you, boys,
my three little musketeers.


Damn it.

You know, she's right.

You never go to parties.

Good afternoon.


You're Elizabeth Mahler,
aren't you?

Yes. Do I know you?

No, but I know you.

I saw you in
the newspaper, didn't I?

In “The Oregon Tribune”...

There's no need to bring up
any of that unpleasantness.

Of course not.
My humblest apologies.

Bernard, this is my song!

Be a darling, will you?

Glad you could make it, too.

Mors lumine.

You know what? Forget Rowena.

There's gotta be some other way
we can track down Gabriel

and hijack his grace.

Even though he could be
any place on Earth?


Or technically, anywhere
in the entire universe.

I didn't say it was
gonna be easy, but...

All right, come on.

Ideas, come on. Here we go.


I need a real drink. I'm gonna
get a beer. You want a beer?

No. I'll get beer.

The angels.


Maybe Heaven could help us.

Not for nothing,

but don't the angels
mostly wanna kill you?

Yes. Yeah. This would be
something of a Hail Mary.

It's a sports term.

Like slam dunk or...

ball handler.

That's... Mnh-mnh.

I don't think it's a good idea.

Well, Dean, we don't have
any good ideas.

Okay, let's just... let's just
not barrel through with that

like, you know,
like the Donatello thing.

We had our disagreement,
but we got results.

That didn't make it okay.
I hear your concerns.

And yes, the angels,
they loathe me,

and there's going to be dangers,

but Heaven doesn't want
the world to end

any more than we do.

This is... this is something
that I have to try.

We got a problem.

Another one? Awesome.

All the stuff Rowena said
on the phone...

Pacific Northwest,
art gallery, party...

I-I think I found her.

A rich lady exploded? Yeah.

Local cops are... are calling it
spontaneous combustion,

but... pretty much.

Well, that does sound
like Rowena.

I knew it.
I freaking knew it, man.

You gave her that page. What'd
you think was gonna happen?

She wanted to protect herself.
Yeah, by barbecuing someone?

We don't know what this is yet.
Maybe she had a reason to...

Doesn't matter what the reason
is. That's not okay.

Okay, I said if Rowena goes bad
again, I'll deal with it,

so I'll deal with it.
You better.

Cass, you wanna try this
angel thing, then go for it.

Just don't get dead again.

Hello? Shh!



Nice blade.

Are we gonna fight?

No. No, I don't...
I don't want to.


I just need to get into Heaven.


Who's stopping you?

This isn't exactly
the welcome I was expecting.

Yeah, well, we're all learning

how to deal with
disappointment lately.

Look, I could...

get it together to...

battle, if you want.

I mean, none of the angels
are exactly thrilled

with your, “ongoing adventures.”

But personally? Meh.

Is that a...

Are you drunk?

Well, not yet, but if I keep
drinking at a pace,

it starts to at least
take the edge off.

Indra, this is an important

You're guarding
the gates of Heaven.

You think it's an important


Indra. Hey, hey,

between us,

if you wanna just...

say we fought
and angel blade me right now,

that'll be okay.

Is that a joke?

Is it?

Indra, what's wrong?

See for yourself.

And for what it's worth,

good luck.





I need to talk to you.


I know you want to murder me,

and I know that you have

good reason to want
to murder me.

But there are events
unfolding on Earth,

and, um...


the archangel Gabriel,
he's alive.

And I need to find him
before Michael, who's...

It's not our Michael.

It's another
much, much worse Michael.

I need to find him
before that Michael

invades this world to...

to either subjugate
or destroy it.

Or both, probably in that order.

And there's
also the problem of...

of a missing nephilim
and Lucifer.

He's back, too. It's...

it's been an eventful few weeks.

I realize that this may be
a long shot, but...

What is that?

Castiel, I think...

I think that maybe
we could help each other.

Still no answer? Yeah.

Still no answer.

You know I don't wanna be
right about this, but...

I mean, look, I want
the fun, flirty Rowena

that mostly helps us.

But you gotta be ready
for... not that.

Or maybe she just has bad
cell reception.

What the hell?!

Who are you?!

Hi, Dean.

Wait... Jessica.

So you know her?
Yeah, she's a reaper.

She tried to take me
into the light.

Didn't work out.
It really didn't.

And honestly, it's been a little
sad watching you go this long

without telling Sam about me.

Wait. Hold on a second.

What do you mean “watching”?

Well, after Dean's little trip
to the Veil,

Death asked me to keep an eye
on your two, in case.

In case of what? This, I guess.

I don't ask Death questions.
Never goes well.

So what, you...
You've just been...

hovering around us, invisible,
like a... like a babysitter?

No, no, more like
a baby monitor.

- And... and you've seen, um...
- Everything.

You mean, like,
everything everything?

I'm especially fond
of Sam's impressive...

extensive array
of hair products.

Not to mention, the 3-day-old
bacon cheeseburger in your room,

or the VHS tape
hidden under your bed,

labeled, “Sweet Princess Asuka
Meets the Tentacles of Ple... ”.

Okay, all right, all right,
that's not cool, okay?

That's... First of all,
that's a classic.

Secondly, the burger's
for emergency cases only.

Okay. Gross.

Now why are you
just manifesting now?

People in Portland
have been dying

outside of their assigned times,

because apparently someone

has become powerful enough
to do that.


So I've been instructed
to offer my assistance

as a resource.

Wait, you said people are dying,

as in more than one.

Four, so far.

Yeah, okay, well,
we're handling it.

But if you need anything...
We don't, and we won't.

Cool. Well, I'm around.



Well, you know, we could've
actually used her help.

We could... Seriously?

You trust her?
No, I don't trust her.

But between the...
The reapers and Death,

the hell's this witch
got us into?

I've become too sentimental.
That's the problem.

Whoever would've expected.

This won't be fun, Bernard.

The Winchesters keep calling
and they won't just give up.

They'll come here.

But we won't let anyone
stop me from fixing things.

I'm capable of anything now.


The victim's name
was Elizabeth Mahler.

I'm in her e-mails right now.

Anything look like Rowena bait?

Hard to say. Um...

so Mahler was the CFO of
a local pharmaceutical company.

Getting a lot of traction
on the lo...



Look at this.
Pirodine Pharmaceuticals.

According to this article,
they sold

thousands of
improperly labeled drugs.

So what? People got sick?

People died.

Wow. Mahler's lawyer got her off
on a technicality.

Okay. So, what? You think she deserved it?

No, I'm done defending Rowena, okay?

I'm... I'm just reading
what's there.

Come on.

Okay, I have a question.

If that's Elizabeth Mahler,

who the hell is that?
I don't know.

Articles only mentioned
one person.

Wait a second.

I've seen something
like that before.

No way.

That is what's left of a reaper.

I have an idea. Come on.


Yo, Jessica.



So, um, that dead reaper
in there, is that why

you're all of a sudden
so interested in helping?

I'm glad you're ready
to chat now.

This will be
a positive experience.

Okay, you can drop the whole
warm and fuzzy thing.

That's just a useful affect.

I'm still
an instrument of Death.

You know, you could've told us
Rowena was killing reapers.

And I would have,
but you were “handing it”.

Okay, all right, talk.

changing people's fates.

She's killing them
before their time,

and when a reaper shows...
She torches them, too.

- Yes.
- Why?

You'll have to ask her
when you stop her.

Because if she keeps this up,
she's going to throw off fate.

The whole greater machinery
of Death.

That means...

Have you ever heard
of the Butterfly Effect?

Ashton's second-best movie.
Yes, of course.

One small mistake can...
Can cause all kinds of bad.

What about it?

If just one person dies
before their time,

a lot of things that were
supposed to happen, don't.

The ripple effect
from just one early death

can affect hundreds of lives.

And changing their fates
changes even more fates

until things become
sincerely unfortunate,

and we have to
hit the reset button.

What does that mean?

Usually? A mass kill-off.

Like the Black Plague
or a mid-sized war.

Something to
wipe the board clean.

So your helping avoiding that

would be greatly appreciated,

by everyone.

If it's so bad,
why don't you stop her?

You've met Billie, right?

She's got rules.

Clean hands.

No interference.

Well, no direct interference,

We can't stop her, but you can.

What? Me?

Death keeps notebooks with
all the ways a person might die,

depending on their choices.

Dean's seen his.

I got a whole shelf.

But in Rowena MacLeod's

her death is always the same...

She's killed, Sam Winchester,

by you.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

It's fine.

Actually, it's... it's not fine

because all of creation is
at stake, but here we are.

Yes, well...
there's a lot going on.

Yeah, I noticed.

Dumah, what did you mean that
we could help each other?

Find Gabriel and bring him
back to us, back home,

and we can help you
with everything else...

Battling Michael,
defending Earth.

I can't find him.

That's why I need your help.


Well, then, that's a problem.

I don't understand. Can't you
find a few angels to...

That's enough, Castiel.

- Hold still.
- Aah!

- Aah!
- Hold still.


It's not that we won't help you.

It's that we can't.

Okay, it definitely looks
like she's working her way

through these
Pirodine Pharmaceutical people.

Have any idea who's next?

No, I mean, everybody mentioned
in the article is already dead.

Wait a second.

Except for James Melford,

the, CEO.

All right, what do we know
about him?

He's dying.

Stop doing that!

What do you mean he... he's...

James Melford's
already bound for Hell,

but his time of death
just shifted.

To when? Now.

This is a lovely backyard,

but you really shouldn't have
tried to run, James.

Please don't.
After what you've done

to so many sick people all over
this country,

letting them suffer
and taking their money?

You should consider
this death a blessing

because you're finally
helping someone else.



Wait for it.

There he is.

You can see me? Aye.

Do you have a message for me
from your boss?

One quick chat,
and all of this will end.

Death doesn't negotiate
with witches.

We'll see.

Mors lumine.

Well, so much for James Melford.

And Martin. His reaper.

His name was Martin.

Here we go.


I don't suppose there's any way
you'll simply

leave me to my business before
something unfortunate happens?

You're starting off
with a threat. Nice.

I would never. But this doesn't
involve you boys.

You're killing people.
It involves us.

If you'd let me explain.

You think this is something
you can just explain away?

I trusted you. I know that, Sam.

I'd just rather not talk about
this over the phone.

I'll text you an address.
Meet me there in half an hour.

And then what?
You believe me or you don't.

Either way,
the drinks are on me.

I don't like it. I mean, what's
the over/under this is a trap?

Well, it's Rowena.
Of course it's a trap.

Once we're face-to-face,
I'll convince them to stop

or we'll stop them.

Are you ready, Bernard?

How are you alive?

A drill in the head
wasn't gonna kill me.

You should know that.

You know, I have to admit
I was...

I was relieved
to hear you were dead.

We never did see eye to eye.


No, we didn't,

because you stole my memories,

and you threatened to
“tear me apart,”

and you made me

repeatedly act out
Dean Winchester's murder,

and you killed
many, many people.

Those were simpler times.

“I'm sorry” goes a long way.

After Metatron attacked,
I had a few reliable angels

spread the word that I was dead.

So you've been hiding.


All this time?

Well, forgive me
for taking a few years

to put my thoughts
back in my skull.

There are still a few holes...
Pardon the phrasing...

But I'm mostly here.

I have to be.

Do you know what
powers Heaven, Castiel?

Yeah, us. Angels.

That's right. We're all...

Every angel is like
a walking, talking battery.

And that is what happens
when we run out of power.

I don't understand.

Well, then, let me make it
divinely simple for you.

There are a grand total
of nine angels in Heaven,

present company included.

And one or two on Earth, and...

that's all.

We are the last men and women

and divine waves of light
still standing,

as it were.

No, that's...

That's not, um...

I knew our numbers were small...

You wanna know why
we can't help you?

Because none of us can leave.

We're the only things
keeping the lights on.


We need everyone,

especially an archangel.

Now the others thought
any archangel would do.

Long story.

But your news
about Gabriel is...

for lack of a better word,

With his power, we can
keep Heaven running.

And without him?

Without him, in time,

we'll burn out.

Heaven will crumble,

and all the souls that have
been entrusted to our care

will fall back to Earth.

Picture it, Castiel...

Billions upon billions of ghosts
unleashed upon the world.

All that chaos,

all that death.

Heads up.


What's with the goon?

Just a precaution.

We're all wary, aren't we?

Surely you've got your
witch-killing bullets handy.

Rowena, this isn't why
I helped you.

Were you just playing me
the whole time?

Of course not.

But once I unlocked my power,
I couldn't just hide away.

I realized I can right some
wrongs that are long overdue.

By killing innocents.

These drug company people,

they lied about their product
for money...

Money they used
to avoid the law.

They've hurt
thousands of sick people,

which makes them far worse

than most of the monsters
you've killed.

And I'm striking a blow
for justice.

Yeah? Then why are you
killing reapers?


they're just a means to an end.

It's not easy to get
Death's attention.

Well, trust me, that's not
the kind of attention you want.

But it is.

Death has something I want.

What's that?

My son.

After you told me
he was gone, how he died,

I had an unexpected reaction.

We had our differences,

but it's my fault he went down
the path he did.

I left him.

We're talking about Crowley...
Demon, King of Hell.

We're talking about Fergus...
A man abandoned and loveless,

tricked by a demon,
died in a gutter.

He deserved better
from the world, from me.

Well, Crowley's dead.
There's no coming back from that.

Is that so, Dean?

Are only Winchesters allowed
to come back from the dead?

The rest of us just have to
accept it? I don't think so.

I'm putting Death on notice.

All right.
Well, she's taken notice.

“She”? Interesting.

And she's upset.
But you can quit this before...

I'm not afraid.

And as much as I enjoy
our little talks,

you can't stop me.

Actually, we can.
And what makes you think that?

Because every version
of your death,

your real, permanent death,
Sam's the one who kills you.

I see.



It's not gonna happen tonight.

I hope you don't
mind the astral projection.

Safety first, boys.



Rowena! Hey!

You know she's controlling
your brain.

She's powerful, she's gorgeous,

and she's paying me
a small fortune.

That woman didn't have
to cast a spell on me.

Rowena, stop!

Stay right there.

Listen to me.

I get what you're trying
to do for Crowley,


but you're messing with
the machinery of the universe.

Death won't give you
what you want.

You have to stop.

I can't stop, Samuel.

You'll have to shoot me.


You really would've shot me?


You're doing really well,

but you need to hurry.

A little help would be nice.

Can't. Clean hands.

He was a highly trained
military operative.

It's impressive
that you could...


Where the hell is my brother?!

Don't struggle.
It'll only make things worse.

Rowena, you gotta listen to me.

This power's getting
to your head, okay?

It's making you go crazy.

No. It's given me clarity.

It's showing me that everything
I did before, for wealth,

for magic, for myself,

meant nothing.

And it took everything from me,

everyone I love... my family,

Oskar, my son.

I'm a flawed, petty,
evil creature, Samuel.

I don't know
if I can be redeemed,

but I have to try.

And I do wish there was
another way.


What... what are you saying?

Well, you said it yourself.

There's only one way
to stop me... you.

If you're dead,

well... then I can't
be stopped, can I?

Death will have to
grant me an audience.

No, you... you...
You don't know that.


but there's only one way
to find out.

What are you doing?

What is that?

You don't wanna know.

Rowena, don't do this.

You don't have to do this.

What haven't you done
for your family?

What wouldn't you do?!

I'm sorry, Sam.

Hello, Rowena.

You? I know you.

We met when I was a reaper.

We totally did.

If we'd just exchanged numbers,

none of this would've
been necessary.

You're upsetting
the natural order.



Bring back my son,
and it all stops.

- Say no, and I'll...
- No.

Then I'll kill Sam Winchester.

That'll really frog up
your natural order, won't it?!

Go ahead.


I don't think it's a good thing,

and I don't believe any of us
will like what comes next,

but I don't do blackmail.

So... go ahead.

I'm curious to see what happens.

No. No, no, no, no, no.
No. Rowena.

I know what you went through

and I know how much you lost

and I realize how much
you want your family back.

But don't do this,
not like this.

This is not you.

Not anymore.

What happened to me,
those were my choices.

But Fergus never...

It wasn't fair.

It's not fair!

You were never gonna kill him.

There was a time you would've,

but not now.

I can see that.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Sometimes life is unfair

and sometimes we lose things

and sometimes we make mistakes.

And some of these things
can never be fixed

no matter how powerful
you become.

Some things just are,

and everyone has to live
with that.

And now you'll take me?


You already know
how your story ends.



Hey, Dean.

See you again soon.

If you find Gabriel, tell him
what's happening in Heaven.

And if I can't find him?

We'll do our duty,
keep things running.

For how long?

That's the scary part.

We will find a way to fix this.

We will.

This may be one of those things

that can't be fixed, Castiel.

This is Heaven
we're talking about.

Everything ends, Castiel.

Everything ends.

But until then,

the gates of Heaven are closed.

How you feelin'?

Like I got punched
in the face. A lot.

Yes, about that...

Bernard's very enthusiastic.

Yeah, that's one word for it.

And what about you?
How are you feelin'?

I fought Death and lost.

I feel tired. Weaker.

I don't know if it's forever.

Sam, what have I done?

You had a chance to kill me
and... and you didn't.

I'd call that progress.

I'd call that a miracle.

And, you know,

what happened with Crowley,
that wasn't your fault.

He never had a chance.

He made his choices.

Just like we all do.

Look, every one of us
has done something

that we have to live with,

that we're trying
to make up for.

Every one of us.

Even without
all that extra juice,

you're still
the deadliest witch around.


Yeah, well, we, um...

we may need your help

to save our family, to...

hell, to save the world.

You wanna be redeemed?

This would be a pretty big step.

And you think I still can be?

Yeah. I do.

We both do.

But before you answer,
you gotta know something.


Lucifer is back.

Of course he is.

Now you're not gonna...

Crack apart in terror?

Of course I'm horrified
and scared.

My heart may have
stopped, but...

Lucifer isn't the one
who's gonna kill me, is he?

You changed
other people's fates.

Maybe we can change yours.


What do you say? You in?

== sync, corrected by elderman ==