Suits (2011–…): Season 8, Episode 4 - Revenue Per Square Foot - full transcript

(HARVEY READING)

I thought it might be nice to get out there
and get to know each other.

I think
what you really mean is

you'd like to impress
the new managing partner.

- And what if I did?
- You wanna impress me?

Do it with a big, fat client.

Zane promised Samantha
she'd be the next name partner.

And did you tell him that you made
the same promise to Alex?

No, I didn't.

You wanna take me on,
you go for it,

'cause I didn't get
where I am



by letting people like you
push me around.

David Fox wants a fight,
and I'm gonna give him one.

A fight about what?

He doesn't want to pay
our cleaning woman overtime.

Harvey, this isn't what we do.

- Mike would have done it.
- And Mike's not here anymore

because he finally came
to terms with the fact

that this isn't what we do.

I'm not gonna let us start
losing clients

because you decided
the cleaning staff is more important

than the needs
of this firm.

I didn't do anything

- that you didn't sign off on.
- ROBERT: That's enough.

You don't go to war
with the guy that owns your house



over something like this.
End it, and end it today.

I wanna make
a perfect baby with you.

- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.

And I don't want
to just pull the goalie.

I want to start trying,
and I want to start trying right now.

Remember that you told me
you promised Samantha

- her name would go up next?
- I did.

I made Alex the same promise.

Then I guess there's
only one thing to do.

Kick the can
down the road.

I know you think
we're in competition

for the same thing,
but we're not.

Robert Zane
made me a promise.

The next name that goes up
on the wall is mine.

Bunny rabbit
goes around the tree once,

bunny rabbit goes around
the tree twice...

And I say bunny rabbit,
bunny rabbit, wanna play nice?

- Sheila, what are you doing?
- I'm hunting "wabbits."

No, no, no. Not Fudd.

You know I can't resist
Elmer Fudd.

Why would you want to?

Oh, my God, Shelia,
I cannot right now.

Why not?

Because I have
a client meeting,

and it's not just me.
Zane's coming too.

So whatever you had in mind,
it's going to have to wait.

All right.

I didn't have
to do this, but...

I'm fertile,

and I am ripe
for the picking.

So I don't care whether
you have a meeting or not.

I'm going to need
your Johnny Appleseed.

Sheila, you know if there's
one thing that revs me up

more than Elmer Fudd,
it's American folk heroes.

Then I think it's time
for Paul Bunyan

to march across
that forest

and take out his ax.

I'm gonna do
more than that.

- You wouldn't.
- I would.

Because it's time for John Henry to swing
the mighty hammer.

(SHEILA GASPS)

Did you know?

- Know what?
- That Zane promised Samantha

she was the next
name partner.

Alex, let's go
back up to my office.

Sounds like you could use
a drink.

What I could use is some goddamn honesty.
Did you know?

Yeah, I knew.

Then why the hell
didn't you tell me?

Because no one's deciding
anything right now,

and I didn't want
to upset you for no reason.

No reason? Zane promised
his right hand...

I know
what he promised.

But look, you got me
and you got Louis.

That's two against one.

When the time is right,
we'll out-vote him.

And when exactly
is the time going to be right?

Six months?
A year? Three years?

- Alex...
- No, Harvey, I want to know

when you're planning
on getting the balls

to stand up to that man

and what exactly I'm supposed
to do in the meantime.

I'll tell you what
you're supposed to do.

You're supposed to have faith
and sit tight.

And if you were in my position,
would you sit tight?

It may not be easy,

- but, yeah, I would.
- That's funny.

Because I recall you were
in a similar position

years ago with Jessica,

and instead
of sitting tight,

you came to me
looking for another job.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

- Robert, how's Wayne?
- ROBERT: I'll tell you how he is.

He's getting sued,
and he wants to know

why his lawyer's not here.

All right, just hold down the fort
for 10 more minutes, I'm almost there.

I didn't ask you
when you'd get here, Louis.

I asked you where you were.

That's, uh, kind of personal.

Well, I feel kind of bad
about that, Louis,

but I've been standing here
with nothing but my dick in my hand

for the last 30 minutes.

All right, well,
if you wanna know,

Sheila and I are trying
to have a baby,

and she's not getting
any younger,

and we're just trying to take advantage
of any opportunity we can.

Why didn't you say so?

Just get here
as fast as you can.

Like I said,
I'll see you in 10.

- MAN: Hey, buddy.
- Yeah?

You know where a Rite Aid
is around here?

No, I'm sorry, I'm actually
not from around here...

I don't give a shit
where you live.

Do what I say,
you won't get shot.

- You feel me?
- Yeah, I feel you, I feel you, I feel you.

Okay, let's walk.

(GUN COCKING)

Get on the ground,
and don't you fucking look at me.

- Okay, okay...
- Wallet and phone.

- Where's the phone?
- There's $1,000 in there.

Is that not enough?

- You think we're negotiating, here?
- No, no, no.

It's just that
there's pictures

on my phone
that I haven't backed up.

- I don't give a shit!
- (GROANING)

Here's my phone.

- (KICKS)
- (LOUIS GROANS)

Stay down.
Don't you move.

(GROANING)

(SINGING) See the money
wanna stay for your meal

Get another piece of pie
for your wife

Everybody wanna know
how it feel

Everybody wanna see
what it's like

I'll even eat a bean pie
I don't mind

Me and missy is so early

Busy, busy making money

All right!

All step back
I'm 'bout to dance

The greenback boogie

(GROANS) Shit.

Louis, aren't you supposed to be out
with Robert Zane?

I swear, if you canceled
that dinner

because they ran out
of paprika like last time I...

Oh, my God.
What happened, Louis?

- Nothing.
- Nothing?

You look like
you've been hit by a car.

A guy took my wallet
and my phone.

I didn't know what to do,
so I came here.

All right, I'm calling Sheila
and then Robert and...

You're not calling
anyone, Gretchen.

I don't want Robert to know.

You have to tell him
what happened.

I can't.

- Why not?
- Because he's my new managing partner,

and I do not want him
to know that I am weak.

Louis, you are not weak.

It could have happened to anybody.
It could have happened to him.

Yeah, but it didn't.
It happened to me,

and that's why
I don't want to tell him.

Well, what are you
gonna do?

'Cause he's gonna wanna know

why you didn't show up
to that meeting.

I'm going to let him think
what he already thinks.

That Sheila and I,
we're trying to have a child,

- it took longer than we thought...
- Louis.

Gretchen, I'm done
talking about this.

So will you just please
let me be?

Okay, Louis,
I won't tell anybody.

I'm not going anywhere
until we patch you up.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

If you're not careful,
the bagel guy's going to figure out

you're cheating on him.

Who says
this isn't a bagel?

Same person who says you've got
the sense of humor of a 5-year-old.

I am so going to pull
your pigtails at recess.

Okay, do you want
to keep going,

or can I ask you
a serious question?

- You want the truth?
- No.

I want to talk to you
about doing more pro bonos.

- Donna.
- Harvey, listen to me.

That cleaning woman's case
was good for you,

and even though
Mike's not here,

I think we should
keep doing them.

Donna, I might be missing Mike,
but I'm not Mike,

and I have a meeting
in an hour.

But if you want to take on a pro bono,
knock yourself out.

You know what, I do,

and if you don't want it,
I'm just going to go ask Alex.

- Not Alex. He's not in the mood.
- Why not?

He found out
about Zane

promising Samantha
name partner last night.

What did you say to him?

What do you think I said?
I told him to sit tight.

Did you sit tight when you were
in the same position?

That's what he said.

Then if you don't want him doing
what you did,

which is go looking
for another job,

then I suggest
you do something

that makes him want to stay.

Now, I'm going to go ask Katrina
if she wants to do a pro bono.

I don't care what it takes.

You get him
in front of that judge,

I'll get him off the hook.

Good.

Whatever you're cooking,
I need you to bump this class action

to the front of the line.

Class action?

Yeah, why?
You got a problem with that?

No problem, but litigation isn't
my specialty and you know it.

So what's going on?

What's going on is

this was Louis Litt's case
and now it's yours.

And how does
Louis Litt feel about that?

I don't give a shit
about how he feels.

Well, I do.

I just got on
good footing around here,

I'm not looking
to undo it. Now I got...

Hold on, now.
You are my go-to.

Don't start playing
office politics on me.

Robert, I played
office politics

for you for years,
in case you forgot.

I didn't, but the man
pulled a no-show

to a meeting
with his own client.

And I need to send a message.
So are you in or out?

Okay, Robert. I'm in.

I'm sure whatever it is
is very important, Harvey,

but I'm a little busy
right now.

Alex, you were right.

If I were in your shoes,
sitting tight

wouldn't fly with me
either.

I thought about it,
and I got an idea.

Well, if it isn't
you and Louis

telling Zane
my number's up next,

I'm not sure
I'm going to like it.

What it is,
is you doing something

to put you on the map
with Zane.

Paxson BioScience.

They're big,
they're juicy,

and we got a meeting
with them in a half an hour.

- We?
- Yeah, we.

Then forget it.

Because if I don't sign them alone,
Robert's not going to care.

Alex, I'm doing
the best I can right now.

They're expecting me.

I don't show up,
it's not going to look right.

You've got an answer
for everything, don't you?

Let's just go down there
and lock these guys down.

After that, you have my word,
you're the attorney of record.

All right, Harvey.
Let's go lock them down.

Carrie, Harvey Specter.
This is my partner, Alex Williams.

I'm sorry, I was thinking it was
just going to be the two of us.

HARVEY: It's okay.

Anything you can say in front of me,
you can say to Alex.

In that case...

CrytoGen.

They're worth
80 million,

but they're sitting
on billions of undeveloped IP.

I've been trying to buy them
for two years.

Let me guess,
you've used

every tactic in the book
to force them to sell.

Now you're looking to try some
that aren't in the book.

Let's just say
that of the 15 companies

that specialize in financing
that industry,

14 have suddenly found themselves
out of the CrytoGen business.

And isn't it the strangest
coincidence

that the 15th just so happens to be
one of our clients?

The Lord works
in mysterious ways.

Just to be clear, are you asking us
to pressure one of our clients

into cutting off
this company's lifeline?

Because that would be
against the law.

I'm not asking you
to do anything.

But were that to happen,

you'd suddenly find yourself
with a huge new client.

I'd say that sounds
pretty interesting.

And I say bullshit.
It's not going happen.

Well, it better, because that's what
it's going to take

to get our business.

Alex, why don't we
listen to...

No, Harvey, I'm not looking
to cross the line for these guys,

and I don't care
if they tell me

they'll guarantee
a year's retainer in advance.

And what if I told you that retainer
would match your highest-billing client?

Look, I think it's a mistake,
but if we're going do this,

we need to know
what we're getting involved in.

HARVEY: He's right.
You want us to risk this,

we need to know
every source of funding

you choked off
from these guys,

and every other shady thing
you've done, because like he said,

I need to know exactly
what I'm getting myself involved in.

Then we'll have everything
over to you by the end of the day.

- Robert, got a sec?
- No, Louis, I don't.

Look, I know I said
that I'd be a little late...

But instead you decided
to tap your girlfriend

instead of doing
your goddamn job.

Robert, I told you,
we're trying to have children.

You also told me you were
on your way to the meeting,

and I don't appreciate
being lied to.

Okay, listen to me.

I know I didn't show up,
but it doesn't matter,

because whatever
their issue is I can handle it.

You don't have to handle it
because I already did.

- What is that supposed to mean?
- It means that,

as of this morning,
Samantha Wheeler is handling the matter,

so you have plenty of time
for your family planning.

I am name partner.
This is one of my oldest clients.

You cannot do this to me.

I didn't do this to you.

You did it to yourself
when you hung me out to dry.

Robert, please.

- You don't know the whole story.
- I know all I need to know.

Now get out of my office

and don't ever
lie to me again.

Gretchen, I need you to get
to the file room right away

and make every document we have
on McKinley Outfitters disappear.

Can't do that, Louis.

I got instructions
to send them over

to Samantha Wheeler's office
an hour ago.

What? How could you
do that to me?

Because Robert Zane stood here
and gave me an order himself.

- What choice did I have?
- God damn it.

Louis, I didn't tell
the man what happened

because I promised
I wouldn't,

but he's punishing you
for something

you don't deserve
to be punished for.

So why don't you
just tell him?

I'm not going to look weak.

Well, having him
take your client

because you don't have
the courage

to tell him the truth doesn't
exactly make you look strong.

Well, then I need
to take my client back.

How the hell
are you going to do that?

Easy.
She's a transactional woman.

I'll just tell her
I owe her one.

And you ask her
to go against Zane?

You might as well ask her
to set herself on fire.

Well, maybe if you'd goddamn help me
instead of telling me how weak I am,

maybe we could
figure something out.

Louis, I am trying
to help you.

And if you can't see that,
then something's wrong.

Gretchen, please.

You're the only one
who knows

that I had my dignity
taken last night.

I can't have it taken again.

All right, Louis.

I help you with this,

I need to know that you're going
to be able to keep it together.

All I need is
to take my client back.

- That's all I need.
- Okay.

As I see it,
you want McKinley back?

You need to put that woman
in a position

where she doesn't have
any choice.

Sounds to me like
the good folks at Paxson BioScience

have been some
busy little beavers.

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- I sure am.

If they're willing to do
all this shady shit

because CrytoGen
has billions in future revenue...

Why don't we skip
the shady shit

and go represent
CrytoGen right now?

Exactly. And we got
the road map

to keeping them
out of trouble on its way.

Alex, you are
one devious motherfucker.

Thanks, I'll take that
as a compliment.

In that case, you're a real asshole
of a guy, too.

Seriously, Harvey.

We're using information
they gave us

in the context
of a meeting.

That's a little
shady itself.

- You sure you're okay with it?
- I am.

Besides, what are
they gonna do?

Tell the police they asked us
to rob a bank,

and by the time they got there,
we moved all the money?

Then the only thing
left to do is close CrytoGen.

- All right, I'll set it up.
- No.

You needed to be
at that last meeting.

You don't need to be
at this one.

- Alex...
- Harvey, let's not forget

why you came to me
with this.

Let me bring
this one home.

All right.
They're all yours.

- You wanted to see me?
- I did.

Well, I'm glad you did

because I heard
that you gave

one of Louis's clients
to Samantha.

And I don't want to tell you
how to run the firm, Robert,

but I think
that's a bad idea.

Well, that's not exactly
what I wanted to talk about,

- but I think it's a good platform.
- I don't follow.

You may not want
to tell me how to do my job,

but I'm going to tell you
how to do yours.

- Excuse me?
- Did you assign Katrina Bennett

a pro bono without
running it by me?

I didn't know that I needed
to run it by you.

You do when that client

happens to conflict
with someone I'm trying to sign.

- I didn't know they did.
- Which is why you run it by me.

And was is more important is
what is a COO of a law firm doing

handing out pro bonos
in the first place?

I just thought
that it was good...

It's a rhetorical
question, Donna.

- I don't care what you thought.
- Understood.

- Is that all?
- No, it's not.

What a COO should be doing is maximizing
our revenue per square foot,

which starts
by an assessment

of our revenue
per square foot.

Well, that's not really
what I do.

It is now. I want a report on my desk
by end of day tomorrow.

Does this have anything to do with Louis?
Because I don't think...

It has to do with Louis
lying to me,

and Harvey getting into it
with the landlord, and now you,

which all adds up
to this law firm

not operating
the way that it should,

and me getting
a little tired of it.

Now, that's all.

Ah. Samantha, you look
nice this evening.

Oh, don't give me
that shit.

You want to tell me
why you set a motion to dismiss

on a case for tomorrow
that I just got three hours ago?

I was just
doing you a favor.

But if you want to cancel it,
you go right ahead.

- It's your case.
- What do you mean, "a favor"?

I mean, we have two weeks
to get this suit thrown out,

but the faster we file it,
the more serious they know we are.

And, of course,
now that you've said it,

if I delay it, I look
like I'm unprepared.

Which you are, because you haven't
been their attorney

for the last 13 years,
like I have.

I get it. And if I tell Robert
what you did, I look weak.

But if you let me help you,
we both look strong.

Why didn't you
just come to me

and ask me
to be let in on this?

Because we both know
that you would have said no.

I have to admit,
if I didn't know any better,

I'd say
you're a real badass.

Well, if you think
I'm a badass now,

you just wait until we get
that lead plaintiff

in front
of the judge tomorrow.

- Hey.
- Don't "hey" me.

- Did you sign them?
- Sure did, but get this.

These guys aren't exactly
Little Red Riding Hood running away

- from the Big Bad Wolf.
- What are you talking about?

Our first assignment,
after we send

that cease and desist
to Paxson,

is to trick
their best employee

into a lifetime
of servitude.

Don't tell me
you're pulling a Mike Ross

and having
second thoughts on me.

I'm just saying, there aren't
any saints in this situation.

But you know what, brother?
That's why we make the big bucks.

Well, then, pour us
a couple of drinks,

and I'll fax the cease
and desist order right away.

ROBERT: You're
not faxing shit.

Do you really think that you can take
a meeting with a prospective client,

try to screw them over,
and they wouldn't catch wind of it?

I don't care if they
caught wind of it.

There's nothing that
they can do about it.

Bullshit, they can let
every major player know

that we don't deal
with our clients in good faith.

But they have the decency

to give us a chance
to make it right before they do,

and you're going
to take it.

If you're saying
what I think you're saying...

I'm saying drop the small potato,
and sign Paxson,

like you said you would
in the first place.

You want to talk
bad faith?

We went in there, and they all
but asked us to commit a crime.

Then don't sign them,
but what you don't do

is go using the information
that you got from them

to sign a guy
that they were going after.

And the last time
I checked,

I can sign whoever the hell
I want to sign.

Harvey, I cut you some slack
on that landlord thing.

But I'm running this firm,
not you.

You're going to do
what I tell you to do.

You going to tell me
what suit to wear, too?

Listen to me.

Tomorrow morning, I come in,
Paxson's our client.

And I'm done
discussing this topic.

Harvey, maybe
it isn't worth it.

Relax, he'll calm down
once he realizes

that small potato
is not so small.

Are you crazy?
This is about chain of command.

And the only reason we signed those guys
in the first place was to impress him.

And you were the one
who wanted me to have the balls

to stand up to him.

Well, I don't give a shit
what the chain of command is.

There's no way
I'm backing down now.

Harvey, I told you, it's not
like these guys are saints.

- What they're having me do to this guy...
- Alex, that's enough.

I'm not interested
in you second guessing me,

and I'm sure as shit not interested
in you doing it on Zane's behalf.

So you want
to have a drink

and celebrate signing
a new client or not?

Robert, what are
you doing here?

I'm here because
it's tomorrow morning,

and you didn't sign
Paxson yet.

Look, Robert, as far
as I'm concerned,

this is between
you and Harvey.

- Well, I'm making it between you and me.
- What are you saying?

I'm saying
you're a smart guy,

and we both know what your
endgame is at this firm.

If you want that game
to be a reality,

you do what
I need you to do.

- Are you threatening my job?
- I'm telling you how it is.

You dealt with that client
in bad faith.

I'm doing you a courtesy
by dealing with you in good faith.

It sure doesn't
feel like it.

I didn't say
I was giving you kid gloves,

I said I was
playing you straight.

The truth is
I like you, always have.

But if you don't get yourself
on the right of this thing,

you're never going to go further
than you are right now.

- Robert...
- Drop them.

I don't want to hear
another goddamn thing about it.

Okay, what's our plan?

Okay, listen up.

They don't know it,

but we're going to file
for a change of venue

in addition to our
motion to dismiss.

I don't understand. Changing the venue
to Omaha doesn't help us.

- The laws are harsher there.
- Doesn't matter.

Because the jury won't be.

- What do you mean?
- This lawsuit

wasn't just filed by a random bunch
of disgruntled backpackers.

- It was orchestrated.
- By who?

Our biggest competitor.

And it just so happens, Omaha
used to be their headquarters.

Which is now a ghost town.
We go after them in Omaha,

they're going to get
their asses kicked.

And they'll have no grounds
to fight the change of venue,

because on the face of it,
it's against our interests.

- Exactly.
- Louis, this is genius.

Yeah, I know. But like I said, you think
I'm a genius now, you just wait.

- Because by the end of today, they're going to be paying us.
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

BAILIFF: All rise.

Oh, shit, I have an emergency
with my oldest client.

- You sure you got this?
- Oh, I got this.

I just feel bad for you because you're not
going to get to see it.

All right.

We're here
for a motion to dismiss.

Mr. Litt, do you have
your paperwork?

Your Honor, I'm sorry,

but due to recent information
coming to light,

we need to alter our motion
to change of venue.

What? They have
no basis for that.

We believe we do,
Your Honor.

Which is why we'd like to call
their lead plaintiff to the stand.

Mind if I cut in?

That depends,
is it urgent?

To tell you the truth,
it is.

Zane already thinks
I overstep my bounds.

The last thing I need
is for him to think

that I can't hand in
my homework on time, too.

Well, if that's what he thinks about you,
you can have the copier,

and Robert Zane
can go fuck himself.

Hey. Everything okay?

- Never been better.
- Alex.

I'm really not
in the mood, Donna.

Yeah, I can see that,
and I don't care.

What's going on?

All right,
you want to know?

First thing this morning,
Zane tells me unless I sign Paxson,

my name's never
going up on that wall.

- What? Have you told Harvey about this?
- What good would it do?

Harvey's the one who put me
in this goddamn situation.

Wait, hang on a second, I thought
you were on board with going after CrytoGen.

I don't give a shit
what I was on board with.

When Zane didn't want to do it,
I was ready to back off.

- Then back off.
- And I do that,

I might as well kiss my chances
at name partner goodbye.

Alex, I don't think you're
giving Harvey enough credit.

He said, and I quote,

"I'm sure as shit not interested
in you second guessing me

"on Robert Zane's behalf."

- Good.
- What do you mean, "good"?

I mean you're in
a Kobayashi Maru.

What the hell does sushi
have to do with this?

It's not sushi,
it's from Star Trek,

and Harvey's been talking about it
for a hundred years.

I always thought it was bullshit,
but maybe it's not.

- What do you mean?
- I mean, sooner or later,

everyone finds themselves walled into
a no-win situation.

This one's yours,

and the way to prove yourself
to both Harvey and Zane

is to find a way out anyway.

Well, thanks, Donna.

And here I thought going to Harvard
was the way to get ahead,

when really, I should have
just been watching old Star Treks.

Well, I didn't, so unless the answer is
in an episode of Cagney & Lacey...

You know what, Alex?
I'm trying to help you.

And I told you, I'm not
in the goddamn mood.

Okay, then let me put it
another way.

Unless you think you can get your name
on the wall some place else,

I suggest you stop
worrying about the problem

and start worrying
about the solution.

Because if you can't find a way
to get yourself out of this situation,

maybe you don't deserve
to be name partner after all.

So, Mr. Larson, when did you
decide to file this lawsuit?

About a week after I found out
hackers stole my information.

So you were upset,
and then you contacted a lawyer.

Actually, my attorney
reached out to me.

LOUIS: Wasn't that convenient?

Your Honor,
soliciting clients isn't a crime,

and it's not relevant
to change of venue.

But isn't it? Mr. Larson, when your lawyer
approached you,

what was the fee
that you were quoted?

10%, contingent
on winning.

And are you aware that the normal fee
for this type of case is three times that?

LARSON: I'm not one to say no
to a bargain.

You mean the bargain
where my client's biggest competitor

was paying your lawyers
on the side?

- What?
- Objection, speculative.

It won't be
when he answers the question.

Your Honor,
where is this going?

I'll tell you where
it's going. Your Honor,

it's going
to conspiracy charges

because he approached him
to put my client out of business.

I didn't...

- I don't...
- Answer the question.

I didn't ask how my lawyer
makes his ends meet

- because I'm focused on mine.
- LOUIS: Let's focus on yours.

Because if I find out that you knew
they were driving this lawsuit

and you lied about it, oh,
I'm going to come for your house.

And then, I'm going to come
for your pension.

- Objection.
- And your daughter's piggy bank.

- Badgering.
- I'm not doing anything

a federal prosecutor won't do
if he doesn't tell the truth.

Yes, you are. You are pointing a gun
at my client's head,

and I'm pretty damn sure you wouldn't
like it if I pointed a gun at yours.

JUDGE: Mr. Litt?

Mr. Litt?

Lay down and shut up.

And this time,
you don't give me your wallet

and give me your phone
and keep your mouth shut,

I won't just kick you.

I'll pull this trigger,

and you'll never see anyone
you care about ever again.

Mr. Litt, for the last time,
do you have anything further?

Motions to dismiss
and change of venue are denied.

(GAVEL BANGS)

You and I need to talk,
and we need to talk right now.

No, we don't.

And if you know what's good for you,
you'll get out.

I'm not going anywhere
until you explain to me

how one minute, you're ready to book
one-way tickets to Omaha,

and the next minute,
I find out we've all but lost.

You weren't there.
You don't know what happened.

I know that. That's
what I'm doing here.

- And I told you to get out.
- And I told you

I'm not going anywhere
until you tell me what happened.

Listen to me, I did
the best I could,

and I do not want
to talk about this anymore.

The best you could?

You're not some
first-year associate.

You're a goddamn
name partner

who bullied his way
onto my case.

And the next thing I know,
you've laid down like a dog,

- let yourself get kicked...
- You weren't there!

You weren't there.

You don't know
the shit I went through.

You never will.

Now back the hell off,
and get the hell out of my office.

Louis, relax. I was
just trying to...

Get the hell out!

Harvey, can I talk to you
for a second?

Sure, what's on your mind?

I just got a call
from Holly Cromwell.

Don't tell me, she's got another firm
wanting to recruit you,

and you're looking
to leverage us.

- Harvey, this is serious.
- What is it?

She told me
that Alex Williams called her up,

looking to see what he could get
in the marketplace.

- Bullshit.
- It's not bullshit.

He wants to know
what the odds are

of him getting his name
on the wall somewhere else.

I don't believe it.
How could he do this to me?

Maybe instead of thinking about
how he could do this,

you might want
to think about why.

- I don't care why.
- Well, you should.

Because you made it personal
between you and Zane,

and Alex became nothing
but an afterthought.

How do you even know
about any of this?

Because before he talked
to Holly, he talked to me.

Which is why I know that Zane
went to Alex this morning

and told him
if he didn't sign Paxson,

he'd never make
name partner here at all.

Where is he?

Harvey, if you confront Zane,
it's just going to make things worse.

I don't care. I am
not going to let him

bully my guy
into submission.

Hang up the phone
right the hell now.

Don't walk into my office
and tell me that.

So I can't walk in here,
but you can walk into my guy's office

and threaten his career?

I didn't threaten his career.
I just told him like it was.

- That's not your call.
- Bullshit, it's not.

I gave you an order,
and if you're not going to follow it,

I'm going
to the next man down.

And if he doesn't listen to me,
he's never getting my vote.

So he's got
to listen to you,

but he doesn't have
to listen to me?

What the hell do you think
Managing Partner means?

Well, if this is
what it means,

then maybe I made
a bad call

in being gracious
and letting you have it.

You weren't being gracious.
You were recognizing reality.

Which is that I'm better
at this than you.

And what you're better at

is doing whatever you feel like doing
at any goddamn minute.

Well, what I feel like saying
right now is Alex is my guy.

He does what I say,
and that's final.

Well, that's too bad, because I didn't do
what either one of you said,

and it's too late
to take it back.

I don't believe this.

Are you saying
you took another job?

No, I'm saying I got someone else
to take another job.

What the hell
are you talking about?

CrytoGen wanted me to trick
their biggest asset

into a lifetime
of servitude.

Instead, I informed him of his
right to go out on his own

and signed him
as our newest client.

Are you out of your mind?
I told you to sign Paxson.

And the reason
you gave both of us

was that you didn't want us dealing
with them in bad faith.

Well, now we didn't.

All we did was take a meeting
and not sign them.

And you still didn't do
what I asked.

And you didn't do
what I asked, either.

You're right, I didn't.
Because if all you want is a yes-man,

then what the hell
am I doing here?

- You listen to me...
- ALEX: No, you listen to me.

I signed a client that's going to be worth
a huge amount to this firm.

I'm a hell
of a goddamn lawyer,

and if you can't see that,

then I don't want to have
my name next to yours.

- Alex...
- No, I said what I had to say.

As far as I'm concerned,
you two need to work your shit out.

I don't know about you, but I kind
of like the guy when he's angry.

Yeah, you would,
because that's the same flavored bullshit

that you served Jessica.

HARVEY: What now?

I need to talk to you
about your partner.

- You mean Robert?
- I mean Louis Litt.

- What about him?
- Something's wrong with him.

And before you tell me
I don't know him,

I'm telling you,
this isn't normal behavior.

Even for a man
with his reputation.

- How can you know that?
- How about I start by saying

he stood up his own clients
at a meeting with Robert Zane?

And then somehow
shit the bed in court

on a case he had
in the bank.

And I'm not even going
to get into how he treated me

when I tried
to ask him about it.

Does anyone else know
about any of this?

Judging by the look
I saw on his secretary's face,

I'd say she does.

I'd also say she's not
going to tell me a thing.

Why are you telling me
about this, and not Robert?

Because I may be new here,
but I know what friendship looks like.

And right now,
I'm telling you,

Louis Litt needs a friend.

- Harvey.
- Louis.

You got
any plans tonight?

I was thinking
we could go out for dinner.

That's not going
to work for me.

I have to get home
to Sheila.

Oh, come on. We've got
some stuff to catch up on.

- What stuff?
- From what I hear,

you've had a rough
couple days.

It's all good, Harvey.
Nothing to worry about.

All good? Come on.

I ask you to dinner
once in a blue moon.

Whenever I do,
you drop everything.

I used to,
but I have Sheila now,

so if you'll excuse me.

You're not leaving
until I get an answer.

Don't hide behind Sheila.

Get the hell off me!

What's going on, Louis?

- Nothing.
- You can talk to me.

- About what? There's nothing...
- Why'd you roll over in court?

- Why'd you no-show at dinner?
- Please stop.

Why do you need me
to stop, Louis?

- What are you so scared of?
- God damn it, I was mugged.

I was mugged, and I thought
I was going to die, okay?

He had a gun

that he had pressed
to the back of my head.

I can still feel it.

Is that what
you want to hear?

Because that's
what's going on.

It's okay, buddy.
You're okay.

But it's not okay, Harvey.
It's not, I'm a mess.

I'd be a mess, too.
Anyone would.

- What if it doesn't go away?
- It will.

I don't know how long it'll take
or when it'll happen,

but I know one thing.

It won't go away
if you don't talk about it,

and I don't just mean
therapy.

- Harvey...
- Look, you have people here

who care about you.
Don't hide it from them.

I'm not telling Robert.

- Why not?
- Because you're my friend,

and he's my boss,
and he just got here,

and I cannot have him
see me as weak.

He won't think you're weak.

He'll think you're strong
for telling him.

But I won't be strong.
I'm going to turn into this.

Look at me, Harvey.
Look at me.

I can't have him
see me like this.

Why don't I tell him for you?

We've got some things
to work out between us anyway.

Thank you, Harvey.
That would be nice. (SNIFFLES)

- What is it, Donna?
- Robert, I have your report.

But before you read it,
I need to tell you what I told you before.

This isn't really
what I do.

- Why bring it to me at all?
- Because you asked for it.

And more importantly,
what I do is what you need right now.

So let me
get this straight.

You're going to come in here
with a half-assed excuse for a report

and then tell me
what I need?

Yeah, I am,

because while you wanted me
to be spending my time on something

you could've hired
an accounting firm for,

I was busy working my ass off

maximizing revenue per square foot
the old-fashioned way.

- By keeping this place together.
- What are you talking about?

I'm just saying that between picking
a fight with Harvey,

taking a client away
from Louis,

and whatever else
you've been up to,

you didn't notice that
one of your star attorneys

was thinking
about leaving.

And now, thanks to me,
he's going to stay.

You're talking
about Alex?

Yes, of course
I'm talking about Alex.

Then, Donna,
I appreciate what you did.

But if he left,
he left. So be it.

Because if I'm going
to lead this firm,

people need to follow
my orders.

Maybe the problem
isn't with the orders, Robert.

Maybe it's with the man
who's giving them.

You may not want
to hear this,

but I'm going
to say it anyway.

You think that the reason
Rand and Calder turned on you

is because you had
a soft spot for us.

I think it's because you didn't have
a soft spot for them.

And if you treat us
the way you treated them,

the same thing's
going to happen here.

I can't just let everyone
do what they want.

It's not in me.

I'm just saying, sometimes
we need to be smacked in line,

and sometimes,

you need to let us do
what we do the way we do it.

I'm going to farm out
this revenue per square foot

to an accounting firm.

Thanks, Robert.

(LAUGHING)

What?

I knew you did this
whisperer shit with Harvey,

but I didn't think
you'd ever do it to me.

I'm going to let you in
on a little secret, Zane.

(SOFTLY)
I do it to everybody.

(CHUCKLING)

Alex, you got a second?

That depends on what
you're here to say.

I'm here to say
I'm sorry.

I put you in a position
that I shouldn't have,

but I also want to say,

you didn't have to talk
to that headhunter.

- Yeah, Harvey, I did.
- Why?

You want to know the truth?
I had to know what kind of leverage I had.

And it turns out,
there wasn't anybody willing

to put my name on the wall
any faster than you.

Which is what left me open
to hear Donna's bullshit.

What do you mean,
"Donna's bullshit"?

It's really your bullshit.
She said I was in a no-win situation,

and I could bitch
and moan about it,

or I could
get out of it myself.

- Kobayashi Maru.
- Yeah.

Yeah, well, you got yourself out
pretty damn well,

and I'm not the only one
who thinks so.

Zane was pretty
impressed, too.

Then I guess
I got the job done.

And maybe I should have watched
a little Star Trek growing up after all.

What? How could you
never watch Star Trek?

Because it's a stupid show
with shitty effects.

You realize I love that show,
right?

I don't care
how you feel about it.

It's a stupid show
with shitty effects.

You know what, Alex?
You may be a hell of a lawyer,

but if you can't appreciate
the original Star Trek, you're nothing,

because Captain Kirk is
the best television character ever created.

I've got two words for you,
motherfucker. Magnum, P.I.

Those are fighting words.
You know that, right?

They're not
fighting words, Harvey.

They're drinking words.

So sit on down,
and let's hash this out

like two people who can
both appreciate M♪A♪S♪H.

Sounds good to me.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Robert.
- Before you say anything,

let me just say that I'm sorry
for what happened,

and I'm more sorry
for how I treated you.

LOUIS: I appreciate that,
Robert.

But this was my fault,
not yours.

Louis, this is
not your fault.

And I want you to know
you could have come to me.

I just felt so powerless.

Of course, you did.
You were a victim.

But that doesn't mean
you have to feel like one.

How can I not feel like one?

Louis, I'm going to tell you
something nobody knows.

I grew up in a rough place
with rough people.

Don't tell me that you know
what it's like to get mugged?

No, what I'm trying
to tell you is I know what it's like

to be on the
other end of it.

- What?
- I was 14 years old.

My friends were all I knew,
and I loved them.

But they were messed up.

And one night,
they get it in their heads

that they were going
to roll somebody,

and I got caught up in it.

The guy fought back.
We had no choice.

We beat him good,
put him in the hospital.

- Jesus.
- I know.

I only did it once,
and it's haunted me my whole life.

Still does.

Are you saying that I should
feel sorry for the man who mugged me?

No, no, no. I'm not
saying that, Louis.

I'm saying that someday,

he's going to have to
face up to who he is,

and he'll carry that shame
for a lifetime.

But you don't have to

because this doesn't have
a single thing to do with who you are.

- You hearing me?
- I'm hearing you.

Good, and, Louis,
we are a family here.

So from now on,
I want you to remember,

you can share things
with your family.

- Okay.
- I mean, for God's sake.

You didn't think twice about telling me
you were tapping your woman.

- That's a fair point.
- Mmm-hmm.

Okay. Good man.

- You heading home for the night?
- I was, why?

I just wanted to let you know,
I talked to Alex,

and it's all good.

- That's great, Harvey.
- There's just one thing.

It turns out that
he didn't call Holly Cromwell.

- She called him.
- So?

So if she called him,
why would she then call you

- and say he called her?
- I guess she wouldn't.

(GASPS) I guess I must have called her
and told her to call him.

- Mind if I ask why?
- Because, Harvey,

sometimes people just need
to know where they stand.

And what if he'd been able
to leverage himself

into name partner
somewhere else?

Then you and Robert Zane would learn
that if you can't figure your shit out,

the only people who are
going to get hurt are you.

- Samantha, what are you doing here?
- I want to talk to you.

Look, if this is
about earlier...

It is about earlier,
but not how you think.

I came here to tell you that the same thing
that happened to you

- happened to me.
- Robert told you, didn't he?

He did.

And when it happened,
he was there for me.

So now, I'm going
to be there for you.

I'm sorry, what do you mean,
"he was there for you"?

That's not important.
What is important

is you're going to start
learning self-defense.

And you're going
to start right now.

I really appreciate you
coming by.

Okay? But I'm going
to go inside.

Tell me the truth.

When you saw me standing there,
and you couldn't make out

whether it was me or not,
you were scared, right?

I don't want to learn
self-defense.

Do me a favor.
Try to hit me.

- I'm not going to hit you.
- Try to hit me.

Okay.

Ready? Boop.

- That's pretty crazy, right...
- Would you just try to hit me?

All right, fine.

All right, mother...

Oh, my God.

You could kill someone,
couldn't you?

Probably, but the point is,
they couldn't kill me.

Now, get up, it's time
for your first lesson.

First things first, you got to be aware
of your surroundings,

and you got to learn
how to stand.

Okay.

- Show me.
- Okay.

You want to stabilize
your core,

so one foot slightly behind the other,
about hip-width apart.

- See how it stabilizes?
- The core.

- Yeah.
- Okay, so how many calories

- have I burned just now?
- Three.

Just because you're
talking so much.

- Right, okay.
- Yeah.

All right.
Now, smack me.

(LAUGHS)