Suits (2011–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

A "closer" for one of New York City's most successful law firms decides to hire an aloof genius who has passed the bar but never went to law school as his associate.

(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Gerald Tate's here. He wants to know
what's happening to his deal.

Go get Harvey.

Trust me.
I can handle Gerald Tate.

I'm sorry. You say
the bet's to me?

Harvey, when are you going to leave
Pearson and work for a man?

I'll leave Jessica
anytime you want.

You just have to
formally ask.

Then, after that,

why don't you formally ask Santa Claus
to bring you a pony

Because I'm not
leaving Jessica.



I check.

Raise. 5,000.

I'm all in.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

You can pay me later.
I've got to go.

Gentlemen.

GERALD: I'm paying you millions.

And you're telling me I'm going
to get screwed?

Jessica, have I come
at a bad time?

Gerald, this is
Harvey Specter.

He's our best closer.

Well, if you're
the best closer,

where the hell have you been
for the last three hours?

Well, Gerald, I specialize
in troubled situations,



and when I left
here at 7:00 p.m.

this deal
wasn't in jeopardy.

So, I'm just trying to figure out what
happened in the interim.

We keep offering more money.
They keep rejecting it.

It's last-minute
bad faith bullshit.

It says here that Cooper won't be
staying on as honorary Vice President.

That's right.
I don't want him around.

He wouldn't be around.
It's an honorary position.

I don't give a shit.

Well, I think you do, because that's
what's changed since I left,

which means it's you
who's been dealing in bad faith.

Well, now that you've got a grasp on
what's happened in the goddamn interim,

what are you going
to do about it?

Because he's not
getting that title.

Well, let me make sure
I understand this, okay?

We negotiated a deal
that gave you everything you wanted.

Mr. Cooper signed it.

And now,
you won't close

until we take away the last shred
of his dignity?

Bingo.

Well, that's not
going to happen.

And why the hell not?

Because I like Mr. Cooper

and my firm doesn't
operate in bad faith.

Oh, I see how it is.

Instead of working Cooper,
you're working me.

Well, why don't you
take your pansy attitude back in there

and make him
sign my deal?

Or I'll pay someone else
your money to do it for me.

HARVEY:
First of all, Gerald,

if you think anyone is going
to touch this deal

after your bad faith,
you're mistaken.

Second, the way
our agreement works

is the minute
Cooper signed the deal

which gave you
everything you wanted,

our fee was
due and payable.

Which is why, at 7:30,

I received confirmation
of a wire transfer

from escrow indicating
payment in full.

So, I'd say
the ball's in your court,

but the truth is,
your balls are in my fist.

Now, I apologize
if that image is too pansy for you,

but I'm comfortable enough
with my manhood

to put it out there.

Now, get your ass in there
and close the goddamn deal.

You let him talk
to me like this?

Harvey speaks
for the firm.

(CLEARS THROAT)

We got paid before Gerald
signed the deal?

What are you talking about? This is a
memo about some fire drill on Tuesday.

- Ah.
- You're the blue team captain.

You get to wear
a fire hat.

(YAWNS)

Time's up.
Pencils down.

Excuse me. Do I know you
from somewhere?

I don't think so.
I have a pretty good memory for faces.

Uh-huh.

So do I.

GIRL: Oops. Sorry.

I've got it.

Hey. Hey! Stop!

You in the cap.

Hey. Get back here.

Come on, man.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

What did you get me?

What I said I was
going to get you. A 158.

I told you
I wanted a 175.

And I told you only
one out of 100 people can score that.

You're a B-student.
You got a 1,000 on your SATs.

If I get you a 175,
they'll know you cheated.

So, only a genius loser
can get a 175?

Actually, no.
I would get a 180.

Now, can I have
my money, please?

Whoa. This is only half.

Then why don't you
go call the police?

(POP SONG PLAYING)

(EXHALES)

I've got to get
my shit together.

This is the best cheeseburger
I've had in my life.

It's from Monday, Trevor.

(SCOFFS)

Look, man, I'm serious.
I almost got caught today.

I've got to stop
getting stoned.

I've got to get
my act together.

Dude, look at me.

You can burn bud
and still be a success.

You sell pot
for a living.

It still saps
the motivation.

All I'm saying is,
you want in, you are in.

You know, that is
word for word your offer

before I got caught cheating on your
math test in the third grade.

- Goddamn memory.
- Stop.

Look, no one's going to suspect
you're a dealer.

I mean, look at me.

This is
a $2,000 suit, Mike.

I've got, like,
12 of them.

I take on real
software projects. I have clients

who bring me
briefcases filled with cash,

and I hand them identical briefcases
with vacuum-sealed bud.

I'm telling you, man.
Hide in plain sight.

What do you
need me for?

Well, I have a client coming in
from out of town

and I can't meet him,

and I need someone I can trust
to make the drop.

It's totally safe.

Come on.
Help a brother out.

Trevor, a person is more likely to die
while dealing drugs

than they would be
on death row.

- In Texas.
- Wait, what are you talking about?

It's from Freakonomics.
Do you read anything that I give you?

It doesn't matter, because you have to
find somebody else.

I'm not interested.

Not interested
in what?

TREVOR: What are
you doing here?

You said you were going to stay
at your place tonight.

"Hi, sweetie.

"What a pleasant surprise. I'm so glad
you stopped by."

No, we're in the
middle of something.

What are you
in the middle of?

Trevor's trying
to set me up.

That's terrific.
Uh, who's the lucky girl?

I'm trying to get him
to work for me.

That's a great idea.

It will take some
stress off Trevor,

and you'll pick up writing code like you
do everything else.

All right.
I've got to go.

I've got to get up early
to see my grandmother

and pay them
another month.

(BOTH GRUNTING PLAYFULLY)

(JENNY CHUCKLES)

- Goodnight.
- Bye.

How did you know Gerald wouldn't
look at that memo?

Because a charging
bull always looks at the red cape,

not at the man
with the sword.

By the way,
I've set up a meeting

for you and
John Dockery next week.

Dockery? He's Skadden's
biggest client.

Not anymore.
He's looking around.

He wants us to assess
where he's vulnerable to a takeover.

Plays tennis.

- I want you to close him.
- Consider it done.

Then you are officially dismissed
for the evening.

- Cheers.
- Well, you two

seem to be
celebrating something.

Mmm-hmm. We are.

In fact, you are looking at the best
closer this city has ever seen.

Closer, huh? Baseball?

Attorney. I close situations.

Mmm. So, you only
care about money.

The truth is, I do it
for the children.

I'm Lisa.

Harvey.

Lisa, I don't normally do this,
but since we are celebrating,

what time do you
get off tonight?

Glad you asked.

I get off at ten past
"I'm never going out with you."

I guess, uh, you're not the best closer
this city's ever seen.

(ALARM BEEPING)

(ALARM STOPS)

Morning.

Lisa, this was lovely, but I'm afraid
it's time to go.

Aw!
Can't we hang out?

I can
make you breakfast.

I hate to miss a workout,

and I really need
to be in the office by 7:30.

Mmm. That's too bad.

Because I was kind of
thinking maybe

you could eat it
off my stomach.

I guess if I skip the gym,
I can still get in by 9:00.

(LAUGHS)

(SIGHS)

I hear someone's
not taking their pills.

Because they're trying
to poison me.

Grammy, that's crazy.

Dr. Shrager gave me her word she
wouldn't poison you until January.

If she does it before then,

she can't count it
towards next year's quota.

(GRAMMY CHUCKLES)

Oh. What did
I teach you?

(IMITATES EXPLOSION)

Michael, I'm not going
to be around forever,

and I want you to stop
with that stuff.

What stuff?

I may be old,
but I'm not an idiot.

I know life has
been hard for you,

but you're not
a kid anymore.

And I want you
to promise

you're going to start living up
to your potential.

I promise.

I'm not saying that I haven't
been charmed by Harvey,

but it's just so patronizing
when you say

that he can handle
those things

and, "Louis, you can
only handle this."

Jessica, I could have
handled Gerald Tate.

And I told you
I disagree.

- Why?
- Because...

Because when you put two bullies in the
same room together,

things generally
don't go so well.

It's 9:30.
Nice of you to show up

two hours after
we open for business.

And I see that you're also trying
to look like a pimp.

My bad, Louis.
I was out late last night.

When I woke up, this is the suit your
wife picked out for me.

And that would be funny if
I had actually been married.

- Moving along.
- You're not married?

Recruiting. Harvey, your interviews
are set up for tomorrow.

What? Why don't
we just hire

the Harvard summer
associate douche?

I think if you listen to the phrasing
of that question,

you'll come up
with an answer.

We need people who think
on their feet,

not another clone
with a rod up his ass.

Harvey, the fact
that we only hire from Harvard

gives us a cachet
that's a little more valuable

than hiring a kid
from Rutgers.

You went to Harvard Law.

I'm an exception.

Find me another one.

Can we please skip
the recruiting?

I work better alone, anyway.

Well, I would, Harvey,

except all senior partners
get an associate.

It's just a rule.

I'm sorry. What?

Jessica, I deserve
that promotion.

My billables destroy his.

And I'm here night and day
doing whatever's needed

instead of swanning in and out of here
whenever I please.

(CHUCKLES) I must admit, he does
make me sound very swan-like.

Harvey, shut up.

Louis, this is
how it is.

All right?
Now, you two make nice.

Louis, I apologize.
I was out of line.

Now, if you'll just let me text
your pretend wife

that I just made senior partner,
I... What?

Too far? Come on.
She doesn't even exist.

How was that nice?

It's not mean.
Louis. Come on.

Louis. Just messing
around with you.

Your grandmother's
getting worse.

I need to move
her to full care,

or I'll have to transfer her
to a state facility.

I won't put her
in a state facility.

Then I'm afraid you'll have to
come up with 25,000.

(SIGHS)

Then, I will.

Trevor, I'm in.

One-time deal. I want 25.
Take it or leave it.

I'll take it.
There's a briefcase in my room.

Pick it up tomorrow.
Take it to room 2412,

the Chilton Hotel
on Park Avenue.

Now, you can't
go to a luxury hotel

looking like
a delivery guy.

So, shave,
comb your hair,

buy a suit.

- That's a hell of a lot to ask, man.
- Well, I'm not asking you.

I'm paying you
$25,000.

Okay.

Donna. Clear
my schedule tomorrow.

You and I are hiring
a new associate.

Done.

Tell me. Does this suit
make me look like a pimp?

Yeah. A little bit.

Yeah. He's in.
I'll take it.

Good.

I'm going to go
take a piss.

Key...

In 24 hours, we'll know if this
new buyer is a cop.

Why didn't you tell Trevor he might be
sending his guy into a set-up?

Same reason why I don't tell Gina
I'm banging her sister.

(ALL CHUCKLE) It will only
cause trouble.

What's up?

I... I'm just going
to take off.

I don't think you should.

Why don't you stay with us
until tomorrow?

Now, give me
your cell phone.

- Give me your phone.
- Yeah, all right.

And don't even think
about warning your boy.

'Cause if these
guys are cops,

whoever is holding that weed is going
to jail for a long time.

(DOOR OPENS)

JENNY: Hey.

Hey. God, you scared
the hell out of me.

Sorry.

Look at you.

- You look great.
- Thanks.

Tell me you decided
to work with Trevor.

Uh, trial basis, yeah.

Good.

What are you
doing here?

My mom is coming
by my place later

and I don't want
to mess it up,

so I'm hanging here.

That's not so bad.

That's not
the ridiculous part.

After I finish scouring
the place for her visit,

I sprinkle a tiny bit
of crumbs around.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I've got to go.

Hey. Come here.

Mmm.

You want to look perfect
on your first day.

Yeah.

I've got to go.

Mmm-hmm.

- Great, thanks.
- Okay.

Donna, we're going to need
to streamline this.

Give each guy a hard time before
you send them back.

Give me a wink if they say
something clever.

- Cool?
- Okay. What are you looking for?

Another me.

Got it. Arrogant,
self-absorbed, blow-hard.

Thinks he's the smartest
one in the room.

That's why I love you.
You get me.

The point is,

I can see myself stepping down as
managing partner in 10 years.

I will have accomplished
everything that I wanted,

and then still be young enough to start
an entirely new chapter.

It seems like it's only been 10 minutes
since I handed the reigns to you.

No, it hasn't.

And time just moves a lot faster
when you're 160.

Yeah, but how
good do I look?

(LAUGHS)

What's going on
with you?

Oh.

Phillip, how did you know
I was your successor?

My gut.

See, I was afraid you
were going to say that.

My gut tells me
it's Harvey.

My heart says
he's not ready.

What's the problem?

He's the problem.

If the leader of a firm
doesn't care about

the people
who work for him,

there's not going to be
much of a firm left to lead.

So, what are you going
to do about it?

What would you do about it?

- The man's missing compassion.
- Mmm-hmm.

I'd shove it
down his throat.

Smoked salmon?

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(EXHALES)

So, Chip,

what makes you think

that I'm going to let
the whitest man that I have ever seen

interview for our firm?

Uh, because I have
an appointment.

Hmm.

Thanks.

(MOUTHING)

(SIGHS)

You can do this.

BOY: Why is
the pool closed?

MAN: I don't know.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Kid, what is
wrong with you?

You look like
you're 11 years old.

I was late to puberty.

Okay.

- Thank you.
- Harvey Specter.

Very good. Go on.

Uh, excuse me. I was thinking about
going for a swim.

Are the pool
facilities here nice?

Of course, sir.
This is the Chilton Hotel.

Best in the city.

BOY: Why is
the pool closed?

And, uh, do you
have the time?

It's, uh, 10:00.

(CLEARS THROAT) Thanks.

BELLMAN: He saw your gun.

MAN: Oh, you
think that's him?

Matches the description. But he didn't
go in the room.

It's 10:00 exactly.
He's just walking by.

Go after him.
Stay on the radio.

(DOOR CLOSES)

DONNA: Rick Sorkin.

Rick Sorkin.

(COUGHING)

Rick Sorkin?

Excuse me,
Mr. Sorkin,

you are five minutes late.

Is there a reason
why I should let you in?

(STAMMERING) Look, I'm just trying to
ditch the cops, okay?

I don't really care
if you let me in or not.

Mr. Specter will
be right with you.

What?

Can I get you anything?
A coffee or a bottle of water?

Hi. Uh, Rick Sorkin.

Harvey Specter.
Nice to meet you.

Why don't you
have a seat here?

Whoa. What's this?

Can I help you?

No.

Excuse me. Mr. Tate.

- Who are you?
- My name is Louis Litt.

I work for
Pearson Hardman.

I have some information that I think
will lead you to the conclusion

that you're better
served at Pearson

with me as
your lead counsel.

I'm listening.

How the hell
did you know they were the police?

I read this novel
in elementary school,

um, cops were
staking out a hotel.

One of them dresses
as a bellhop.

The other is
a man in a suit.

And it was the exact
same thing.

You read a novel
in elementary school.

What? I like to read.

And why did you ask them
what time it was?

Uh, throw them off.

I mean, what kind
of drug dealer

asks a cop
what time it is

when he's got a briefcase full
of pot, right?

We should hire you.

Jesus, I'd give you the 25 grand
as a signing bonus.

I'll take it.

Unfortunately, we only
hire from Harvard.

And you not only did not go to
Harvard Law School,

you haven't even
gone to any law school.

What if I told you that
I consume knowledge

like no one
you've ever met

and I've actually
passed the bar?

I'd say you're
full of crap.

That's a BarBri Legal Handbook
right there, right?

Open it up.
Read me something.

Anything.

"Civil liability associated with agency

is based on several factors,
including..."

Including the deviation
of the agent from his path,

the reasonable inference
of agency on behalf of the plaintiff,

and the nature
of the damages themselves.

How did you know that?

I learned it
when I studied for the bar.

Okay, hotshot.
Fire up this laptop.

I'm gonna show you
what a Harvard attorney can do.

Pick a topic.

Stock option backdating.

Although backdating
options is legal,

violations arise related
to disclosures under IRC, Section 409A.

You forgot about
Sarbanes-Oxley.

The statute of limitations
renders Sarbanes-Oxley moot post-2007.

Well, not if you can
find actions to cover up the violation,

as established in
the Sixth Circuit, May 2008.

That's impressive,
but you're sitting at a computer.

Playing Hearts. Sorry.

If you want to beat me,
you're going to have to

do it at
something else.

How can you
know all that?

I told you.
I like to read.

And once I read something,
I understand it.

And once I understand it,
I never forget it.

Why take the bar?

This dickhead bet me I couldn't pass it
without going to law school.

Okay, look. This is all pretty
fascinating stuff,

but I'm afraid
I've got to get back to work.

I'll make sure that
Serpico isn't around waiting for you.

If you want this job
so much,

why didn't you just
go to law school?

When I was in college, it was my dream
to be a lawyer.

I needed some money

and Trevor convinced me
to memorize this math test and sell it.

Turns out we sold it
to the dean's daughter.

I lost my scholarship,

I got kicked
out of school, I...

(EXHALES DEEPLY)
I got knocked into a different life.

And I have been
wishing for a way back ever since.

Let me tell you something.

This isn't
elementary school.

This is hard work. Long hours.
High pressure.

I need a grown
goddamn man.

You give me this,

and I will work as hard
as it takes

to school those
Harvard douches

and become the best lawyer
you have ever seen.

I'm inclined to
give you a shot

but what if I decide
to go another way?

I'd say that's fair.

Sometimes, I like to hang out with
people who aren't that bright.

You know, just to see how
the other half lives.

Move over.

I'm emailing the firm we've just found
our next associate.

All right. You're going to start
a week from Monday.

Here's what you're going to do.
First, no more pot.

We drug test.

Stop smoking now,
you'll be fine.

I assume that's
all the drugs you do.

MIKE: How did
you know that?

HARVEY: You read books,
I read people.

And pot-heads smoke pot.
That's what they do.

That's not all I do.
I have interests.

You're
Albert "frigging" Einstein

and you couldn't manage
to get into law school?

You think that's not
from smoking weed?

- Trevor got...
- That's another thing.

You're never going to talk to
Trevor again.

You're going to
ditch that briefcase

and you're going to get on a
plane to Harvard

and you're going to learn
everything there is

about going
to law school there.

- Did you buy that suit?
- Yeah.

Let's buy
some new ones.

Hi. Uh, how do I sign up
for today's law school tour?

You go back in time six weeks, because
that's when it booked up.

Um...

This is Harvard Law.

We get over 7,000
applications a year.

You think you can just
walk in and take a tour?

Thank you.

WATKINS:
Uh, Eduardo Fernandez,

who first of all looks like he works at
the public pool or something,

and he comes up to me
the other day

and I completely know
he's a freshman.

He looks at me and he goes, "Where is
the Public Health School"?

Which is right
around the corner.

- You know what I tell him?
- Clifford Watkins?

Excuse me.
Can I help you?

Jonathan Atwater. I work for Dean Wormer
in the admissions office?

Yes, of course.

What can I do for you?

The Dean personally
sent me down here

to invite you to a small
cocktail hour

for some of our, uh,
more realistic candidates.

And we'd like to keep this sort
of thing discreet,

so if you'd subtly
hand me your name tag,

you can proceed directly
to the Dean's office.

Congratulations.

WOMAN: Harvard Law is
the oldest law school in the country

and boasts the most
successful graduates in the world.

Currently, we are six of nine
Supreme Court justices,

and, of course, the President of
the United States.

(POP SONG PLAYING)

Uh, hi. Good morning.
I'm here...

Have a seat.

Thank you.

Mike Ross?

Hi. I'm Rachel Zane.

I'll be giving you
your orientation.

Wow, you're pretty.

Good. You've hit on me.

We can get it out of the way
that I am not interested.

No. I'm sorry.
I wasn't hitting on you.

Trust me. I've given
dozens of these,

and, without fail, whatever new
hotshot it is

thinks that because
I'm just a paralegal

that I will somehow be blown away by
his dazzling degree.

Let me assure you.
I won't.

- I was.
- Mmm-hmm.

I was hitting on you.

You were.

Take notes. I'm not going
to repeat myself.

(WHISPERING)
I love you.

Each bank of offices specializes in its
own arena of the law,

and is anchored by a department head
on either end.

So, on our left,
Mergers and Acquisitions.

On the opposite side,
high net worth Divorce.

Nice. (LAUGHS)
Mergers across from Divorce.

Symmetry.

Uh, yeah.
I should just listen.

The firm operates on a chain of
command model.

Harvey's your
commanding officer.

However, Louis Litt, he oversees
all associates,

so you'll also
answer to him.

What do you think
about Harvey?

People are
in awe of him.

They say he's the best
closer there is.

But I have very little
contact with him, so I don't know.

What about Louis Litt?

Let's continue
with your tour.

Hey, Becky.
You are glowing.

I wonder why that is.
Oh, yeah.

It's the day they announce
my promotion.

Jimmy, have you
lost weight?

- Steve-o!
- Hey, Harvey.

Looking like a guy
who came to work.

Excuse me. Why are you scratching off
the "Senior" off my door?

I got a work order
to take it off.

Who issued
the work order?

My supervisor.

Why did he issue
the work order?

If I knew that,
I'd be his supervisor.

You seem to be
enjoying yourself.

I haven't enjoyed
myself since 2004.

Donna?

Someone's trying to have a little fun
with me here.

Jessica wants to see you
in her office.

Now.

And finally, this is where
you'll live.

Wow.

I gave you that for a reason.
You haven't taken one note.

- That's because...
- Because you were too busy

ogling me to listen
to a word I've said?

(CHUCKLES)

Partner's offices
anchor the wings.

Fifth floor is research.
Sixth is security.

All work gets billed,
even if it's finding an address.

I answer to Harvey
and Louis Litt,

and judging by the way you responded
to my questions,

I should admire Harvey
and I should fear Louis.

You have been here
for five years

and just because
I outrank you

does not mean
I have the authority

to command
your services.

(LAUGHS)
Oh. It's also pretty clear

that you think you're too smart
to be a paralegal.

You know what
nobody likes?

Nobody likes
a show-off.

You used the word
"ogling." I mean...

When do I get
to see Harvey?

Gerald Tate
fired the firm.

So you're taking
my promotion away.

You know, most firms would put you
in front of the bar

and have your
license stripped.

You lied to a client
and he figured it out.

I lied to him to get him to do
the right thing

and honor his
goddamn contract.

And you didn't
seem to mind so much

when you thought
I got away with it.

But you didn't
get away with it.

And I can't justify handing you
a promotion

on the same day that you lose
a huge client.

One client doesn't
make a firm.

I don't know
if you've noticed,

but we're in the middle
of an economic meltdown.

Companies aren't
exactly lining up

to spend money on attorneys
right now.

And you know,
Gerald might have forgiven the lying

had you not
humiliated him.

But you did and you need
to accept that.

Jessica, if you hadn't
done as much for me as you have,

I'd be heading
for the door.

If I hadn't done
as much for you as I have,

I'd be throwing you
out the window.

But, Harvey,
no more shenanigans.

You do one more thing
that isn't straight as an arrow,

and instead of
covering your ass,

I will put you in front of
the bar myself.

- Mike.
- Hey.

Who's ready for
a great first day?

I'm going to have
to let you go.

What?

I just got reamed
for lying to a client

and if they find out
that I lied about you going to Harvard,

they'll take away
my license.

DONNA ON INTERCOM: You what?

Not now, Donna.

Look, I have to put my own interests
above yours.

It's nothing personal.

You're fired.

Wait. So you're
worried that if I stay,

then they
might find out

that you lied about me and you'll lose
your license.

But if you fire me,

then I could tell them that you
lied about me

and you'd definitely
lose your license.

Are you telling me
that if I throw you under the bus,

you're going to
drag me with you?

But you put your
interests above mine.

I mean, I'm just
putting mine back up next to yours.

You're rehired.

Okay. So, should I...
All right.

Here's what's going
to happen.

You're going to give
me back my promotion,

and that's the last we're going to
talk about this.

- And why is that?
- Because if you don't,

I'm going to go across town
and join Rick Peterson.

I'm going to approach every client
I've ever closed,

and I'm going to
take them with me.

You do that
and you'll force me

to put you in front
of the ethics board.

- I don't think you will.
- And why not?

Because you were
obligated to notify them

the second
I lied to Gerald, but you didn't.

You put me in front of the
board right now,

I'll put you
right up there with me.

Hmm.

I'll... I'll give you
your promotion.

But you have to
do something for me.

Anything.

Ah.

- Pro bono.
- Anything but that.

Harvey, pro bono cases
are how we as a firm

show that we care about more than
just ourselves.

I'm not saying
we shouldn't do them.

I'm saying
I shouldn't do them.

And it's how
you can show me

that you care about more than
just yourself.

You'll handle this yourself.
You will not pass it off.

Absolutely.

Your first case.

Awesome. What is it?

Pro bono.
Sexual harassment.

Don't tell anyone I laid it off on you
and don't screw it up.

Got it. You can't
handle it.

I'll knock it
out of the park.

Easy, Clarence Thomas.
Just go meet the client.

Hey. Didn't I tell you
to get some better suits?

I spent $500.

For how many suits?

Five.

What?

Nancy?

Mike?

Yeah, hi.

You're a kid.

No. I'm a...
I'm a grown man.

You're so skinny.

Do they feed you?

(LAUGHS)

Here, have a grape.

Thank you.

Why don't you
tell me your story?

It started
two years ago.

I was a stay-at-home mom
to my son, Freddie.

And one day, we were at Little League,
Freddie was five.

He really hated that he couldn't play
with the older kids.

It was the third inning,
and I got a phone call.

My husband had been in a car accident
and he was gone.

Just like that.

I... I'm so sorry.

I did the best I could.

I got myself a job as a secretary
at Devlin McGreggor

and I even got promoted to secretary of
the President, Charles Hunt.

And that's when
it all changed.

It's okay. Tell me
what happened.

He started asking me
to stay late,

order in dinner, see,
other stuff like that.

One night, he says that if
I sleep with him,

he's going to take care of me
in the firm.

And if I don't,
he's going to fire me.

So, what did you do?

I went to
human resources.

They said they investigated.

Couldn't find anything
to support my claim.

Two months later, I was fired for
poor job performance.

They wouldn't let me
say goodbye to anybody.

They wouldn't write me a letter
of recommendation.

I wasn't looking
for a payoff.

All I wanted was
for it to stop.

Can you help me?

Uh, yes. Yes, I can.

What do you need
my help for?

- Wait. Can I just...
- No. Give me an update.

Uh, you know,
she's a nice woman.

- She, uh...
- On the case.

I don't get emotionally attached
to the clients.

This woman had her life ripped apart.
You don't even care?

I'm not about caring.
I'm about winning.

Why can't you
be about both?

I'd explain it to you but then I'd have
to care about you.

Right.

What are you doing?
Don't touch that.

I'm just checking
my lock.

You ride your bike to...

It's locked, okay?
Come on.

Taxi!

Defense sent over
the investigation files as a courtesy.

No, they didn't. Nobody does anything
as a courtesy.

They sent those files

because that's where they want
you to look.

Listen, being a lawyer
is like being a doctor.

You mean how you don't get emotional
about the client?

No. I mean, you keep pressing
until it hurts,

then you know
where to look.

Forget about impeaching
the investigation.

It won't lead anywhere. No employee
is going to testify

against their own CEO.

Okay. So, what do
you suggest I do?

Think. If this guy's
done this once...

MIKE: He's done it before.

And if the people who work for him now
won't testify against him...

Someone who used to
work for him might.

You know what?

I'd subpoena the personnel records
of every woman

who's left the firm
during this guy's tenure.

That's funny. That's exactly
what I thought.

Then what do you
need my help for?

I don't know how to fill out
a subpoena.

By the way, did you get her to sign
the engagement letter?

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

What's an
engagement letter?

It's a piece of paper that keeps her
from being able to sue us.

Oh.

Uh, hey. Donna, can you show me how to
fill out a subpoena?

Absolutely. And after that,
you want me to show you

how to wipe your ass?

It's funny, because you
should already know

how to do
both those things.

Ah, yeah.
That's hilarious.

What's that?

That's my suit guy.
Go in, tell him I sent you,

and spend some money.

What does it matter how much money
I spend on suits?

People respond to
how we're dressed.

So, like it or not, this is what
you have to do.

Oh, that's weird.
You're giving me advice?

It sounds like you actually
care about me.

I don't.
You're a reflection of me,

and I absolutely
care about me.

So get your skinny tie out of my face
and get to work.

That was a little harsh.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Mike. Where are you going?

It's 6:30.
I'm going home.

(LAUGHS)

Okay. What's so funny?

You're a rookie associate.

If you go home before 9:00
on your first week,

you're not going to make it through
your first month.

- Oh.
- And Louis Litt wants to see you.

- Hey. Can I ask you something?
- Mmm-hmm.

This tie,
is it too skinny?

Yeah.

All right.

(SIGHS)

I know
you had orientation from Rachel,

but I wanted to give
you a special welcome from me.

Um, amongst other things,

I'm sort
of the disciplinarian of the associates.

You wanted
to see me?

Yes. Gary, please come in.

Mike, this is Gary Lipsky.

Gary's one of our most
promising associates from last year.

Hi.

Gary, Ms. Pearson
wanted me to ask,

have you completed
the Petramco filing?

Uh, well, my brother
was in over the weekend,

so I didn't
really get to it.

Gary, come on. This is,
like, the third time I've had to ask.

I'll get right on it.

Don't bother.
You're fired.

What? You...
You can't fire me.

Oh, yes, I can.
And I just did.

Go pack up
your things.

Don't you ever show your face
in this place again.

See, I arranged
for you to see that

because we pay
our associates very well

and we provide the opportunity for
unlimited advancement.

But in return,
we expect results.

Have I made myself clear?

Yeah.

Great.

Welcome to
Pearson Hardman.

Feel free to
go back to work.

Harvey.

Okay, I have
two words for you.

Absolutely beautiful.

You think you're the only one who can
charm a client?

Categorically stunning.

How's the new kid
working out?

Really hot.

You're an idiot.

Jessica Pearson.

Good night, Harvey.

Goodnight.

ANNOUNCER ON TV:
Sunday's big game finds Washington

traveling to Philadelphia.

What are you
doing here?

Watching SportsCenter.

Boo-yah!

You won't return
my phone calls.

Uh, yeah, because
you set me up.

- You remember that?
- You think I knew about that?

(LAUGHS) Here we go.

Round 50 of "I get the shaft because you
didn't know the whole story."

You knew there were risks when you
quoted that crap from that book. Okay?

You needed money, and I came through
with an opportunity like always.

Besides, you weren't the only
one who got screwed.

They pulled
a gun on me.

Oh, really?
And why did they do that?

To keep me from
warning you.

So, you did know.

Well, not until after
it was too late.

Well, it's too late now.

Look, let me
make it up to you.

Oh, you want to
make it up to me?

Give me my key back.

Michael. Come on.

You know I don't want to live in a world
where we're not tight.

Then kill yourself.

Get out.

Get the hell out.

Donna, I need the... Oh, also, I didn't
have a chance to...

- Marry me?
- I took care of that, too.

We've been married
for the last seven years.

Excellent.

Um, Devlin McGreggor is fighting
the subpoena.

They filed a motion
to dismiss the case

- based on our lack of evidence.
- Good.

Good... Wait. What do you
mean "good"?

They don't want to hand over
the files.

You pressed
where it hurt.

You're looking
in the right place.

Did you think they
wouldn't fight back?

Well, I...
Now that you mention it.

Oh. My bad.

I keep forgetting
you don't actually know anything.

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

The idea is you make a move,
they make a move.

You go back and forth
until one of you wins.

Okay. What if they
win the motion

and the case
gets dismissed?

Then you're not as good
as you think you are.

Harvey! What a coincidence.

I was wondering
how the pro bono was coming.

- I'm all over it.
- That makes me very happy.

Because if I were to find out
that you weren't

putting in your
full effort,

- I would be very upset.
- No worries.

We're all good.

Rachel. Rachel,
Rachel, Rachel.

I need your help. There's a hearing
on my subpoena.

I've got three cases
in front of yours.

You're going to
have to wait in line.

Wait. No. No, no, no.
My hearing is tomorrow.

So, why are you
coming to me?

Because Donna says you're the best
researcher in the firm.

Hmm. Let me see
the motion.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You have an office?

How do you have an office
and I have a cubicle?

Like you said, I'm the best
researcher in the firm.

Really? Well,
I just made that up.

I didn't even have
time to talk to Donna.

Is this all
a joke to you?

Because I take
my job seriously.

No, I'm... I'm sorry.

Look, I was...

Look, you
weren't there.

Okay? I care
about this woman.

She's got nowhere
else to turn and...

And you can't
help her by yourself.

I can.
I just prefer not to.

Okay.

You're asking to
look at private files

without any evidence
of your assertion.

Yeah. But the only way that we can
find the evidence

is to look
at those files.

That's a rickety argument.

But is there precedent?

Let's go see
if we can find one.

Research is as much
art as science.

So, we're going to look at privacy
and harassment law.

See if we can find a combination of
cases to make an argument.

I'll take privacy.

I'll take harassment law.

This will take
a while.

We're going to need dinner.

Chinese.

No. I can afford
Chinese on my own.

- This is on the firm. I want sushi.
- Ooh.

(LAUGHS)

HARVEY: So, they told me to put my top
investigator on it.

What did you do?

What could I do? You were out of
the country.

I gave them Luderman.

(LAUGHS)

Harvey, this has
been lovely,

but I believe
you know what I want.

I think I've got
what you want.

Well...

By the way,
that dress...

What, this old thing?
Come on.

Beautiful. Why don't we
do this more often?

Because it always
ends the same way.

Then why are we
doing it now?

Because you're paying me.

Vanessa, really.

How come you
and I never...

Harvey, I don't
sleep around.

And I could never be
in a relationship with you.

All you ever think
about is yourself.

I'm thinking about
you and me right now.

(SIGHS)

Let me get this.

But I'm a gentleman.

But if you get it, you might think
I'll change my mind someday.

I already do.

For the record,
I am not selfish everywhere.

Neither am I.

Mr. Dockery,
you naughty, naughty boy.

(LAUGHING)

Remember when I said you thought
you were too smart

- to be a paralegal?
- Mmm-hmm.

- Why...
- Aren't I a lawyer?

I don't test well.

- What?
- I... I'm smart.

And I know I'd be
a good lawyer.

I just... I don't know what it is.
I can't take tests.

And I bombed
the LSATs.

And even if I could
get into a law school,

there's just no way
I'd pass the bar.

So, if only
there were someone

who could take
the tests for me.

Yeah, if only
there were.

Yeah.

Mike, where are you at with the research
for tomorrow's hearing?

Uh, nothing yet.

You say you care
about the client,

but if you keep playing footsie instead
of finding me an argument,

the client's
going to lose.

I don't want
to lose.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

(GROANS)

Look, it's no use, okay?

Their investigation
is by the book.

We look like
the bad guys coming in,

putting them
under duress.

What did you just say?

I said we look
like the bad guys.

No. You said they
did it by the book,

and we're putting them
under duress.

Yeah?

Look.

Hmm.

This is good. We're going to
have some fun.

We? I get to go?

You didn't think I would let you
come along?

- No.
- Good instinct.

I wasn't. But then, I thought it
would be cruel

not to let you
witness my greatness.

Okay. Can I go
get my bag?

No.

- You're a true giver.
- Other side.

Okay.

Your Honor, this case
should be thrown out.

Other than her story, the plaintiff
doesn't have one piece of evidence.

Because the evidence
lies within their personnel files,

which they're conveniently
refusing to hand over.

Those files contain
sensitive information.

He's fishing at the expense
of our employees' right to privacy.

Please.

He doesn't give a rat's ass
about his employees' right to privacy.

Sorry. That's actually
unfair to rats' asses.

Your Honor, Mr. Specter's claim that we
don't care about our employees,

though belittling, doesn't carry any
weight as a rule of law.

True. But what does carry weight is that
an investigation of

sexual harassment must be conducted
without any duress.

Your point?

The investigator and every person
being interviewed

answers to the CEO
they're investigating.

That is the definition
of duress.

It would be as if your bailiff accused
you of sexual harassment,

and you assigned your stenographer
to investigate.

Now, how likely would it be that this
investigation yielded any fruit?

You honestly think
I would harass Herman?

Well, I don't know,
Your Honor.

Some people have a thing
for the uniform.

Uh, I'd like to think
Herman would come to me

before it even got
to an investigation.

I saw that.
That should be stricken.

But what if Herman did
come to you, Your Honor?

And you betrayed his trust by firing him
under false pretenses?

You really think
that little of me?

I wouldn't trust you
as far as I can throw you, Your Honor.

- Hand over the files.
- Oh, my...

Today.
(BANGS GAVEL)

That's it.

Herman?

I'd like to speak
to you in chambers.

That was awesome.

It was your argument.
I just framed it in a way

that humanized the situation and
brightened all of our afternoons.

I feel like
Michael Corleone in that scene

where that fat guy teaches him how
to shoot that gun.

Are you saying that
I'm the fat guy?

Because I'm not
the fat guy.

Mmm.

Do you know what
his name was?

- Yeah.
- Cardoza.

- Clemenza.
- I knew that.

I was just testing
to see if you knew it.

I knew that you
knew that I knew.

Train wreck.

Hey. I'm looking
for Rene?

I'm Rene.
I'm sorry.

We don't sell skinny
jeans at this location.

(SIGHS)

Did Harvey tell you
I was coming, or...

Harvey Specter sent you?

That's another story.
Do you know your inseam?

I don't.
It's probably a medium.

Why don't you
browse for a while?

These are the most exclusive,

and we move down in price as you head to
the door.

Oh!

Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Large?

(LAUGHS)

That's not how it works.

Huh.

(POP SONG PLAYING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

So, Trevor's getting you to do his dirty
work for him, huh?

All I know is you aren't talking
to each other.

I miss you. I want things to go back
to the way they were.

I miss you, too.

But I'm not sure things are ever going
back to the way they were.

I've got to go.

What did he say?

He said things aren't ever going back to
the way they were.

What did you do?

I don't know.

Hey!

So the files
are on their way.

We won?
That's fantastic.

So we have a week to corroborate
Nancy's story.

Listen, I couldn't have
done it without you.

You wouldn't even know
where to look without me.

- You know what nobody likes?
- Hmm?

Nobody likes a show-off.

(PHONE RINGING)

(LAUGHS)

Hello? Yeah, he's here.

Okay, thank you.

The files are in
conference room C.

Why wouldn't they
bring them to my cubicle?

They're trying to
bury you in paperwork.

Well, they picked
the wrong guy.

If they didn't, I did.
Get it done by the end of the week.

I've got to run and
charm a new client.

(SIGHING)

Nice to finally meet you.

Jessica says you're going to
sweep me off my feet.

I'll do my best,
Mr. Dockery.

You've got a nice
serve there.

Working on it.

What the hell is this?

It's you having sex with a woman who
isn't Mrs. Dockery.

Are you trying
to blackmail me?

You asked my firm where you're
vulnerable to corporate take-over.

- That's it, right there.
- What are you pulling here?

Your wife owns
10% of the company's voting shares.

You've been seeing this woman and
several others for quite some time.

How do you think your wife's going to
vote after she finds out?

Who says she
has to find out?

My investigator got
these within a week.

What do you think a motivated competitor
is going to dig up in a year?

I have a solution.

Trade her your
preferred shares,

which have no voting rights,
for her common shares, which do.

The preferred shares
are worth $2,000,000 more.

A fraction of what you'll lose if you
get voted out of your company.

John, I don't care if you sleep with
every woman in the Hamptons.

Just give her
the preferred shares.

Jessica said you were going to charm me
to get my business.

I'm not interested in
getting your business.

I'm interested
in keeping it.

Now, shall we play? I'm not going
to let you win.

(SIGHING) I know where they
don't want us to look.

Did you get through
all those files in one night?

I would have done it faster,
but I ordered a pizza.

Speaking of which, have you ever had
the cheese in the crust?

Because it blew my mind.

What did you find?

There was a dismissal
on March 12th, 2005.

But the file with the employee name
on it is missing.

That's our woman.
I know it is.

I'm moving to slap sanctions on their
attorney, possible jail time.

The guy is not going
to know what hit him.

Dennis, it's Harvey Specter.

Did you have anything to do with
the March 12th, 2005,

files left out of discovery?

(SNIFFS)

If they're here by noon, I'll believe
you. If not, we're filing for sanctions.

Threat of sanctions is better than
filing for sanctions.

That's what I meant. Threaten, not file.
Who would mean that?

Shave.

Have you ever heard of this woman?
Joanna Webster?

No. Why?

The company has
tried to hide her from us.

She met with personnel
over work-related issues in 2005.

And then, they fired her
two months later.

You think Hunt did
the same thing to her that he did to me?

Yes, I do.

Then you have to make her come
forward and say so.

Yeah. That's the plan.

Okay.

Um... Uh, actually,
before you go,

can I get you to sign
this engagement letter?

Evidently, it's something
you're supposed to do

at the beginning.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Perfect.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

(YAWNS)

Joanna Webster?

Can I help you?

Hi, uh, my name is Mike Ross.
I'm a lawyer.

I have some questions for you about your
time at Devlin McGreggor.

Uh, please! Look...

Just let me tell you a story about
my client, okay?

I've got to get these
in the fridge

It will just
take a second.

Fine.

Look, all I need you to do
is to tell your story.

If you corroborate with...

Mr. Ross, what happened to me
happened six years ago.

It was horrible
and there was a reason

I didn't do
anything about it.

They'll put me on that stand and attack
me, and I don't want that.

Ms. Webster.

Joanna. (CHUCKLES)
This man is a predator.

And if you don't help stop him,
he will do it again.

All you have to do
is give a deposition...

I'm sorry.

I can't do it.

(EXHALES)

What happened
with the witness?

I failed.

To not be awesome.

I got her to testify.

You should have seen me.
I tried everything.

He'd do it again.

I'd be with her
every step of the way.

Nothing worked.

And then, it hit me.

I asked her, what if it was her daughter
that he did this to?

She melted.

Oh, and you know how I came up
with that little gem?

I cared about her.

(INHALES SHARPLY) Oh!

(MIMICKING GUNSHOT)

(BLOWS)

Yeah. Thank you.

I'm glad to see that staying up all
night

doesn't make you
act like a complete idiot.

(SCATTING MOCKINGLY)
Now, go home and get some sleep.

I don't want you waving that thing
around during tomorrow's deposition.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Harvey.
How's the pro bono going?

Great! I just talked
a witness into testifying.

Really?
What's the witness' name?

I'm not an idiot.
Don't treat me like one.

You pawned off the case.

Jessica, I've got higher
profile cases. I...

Need I remind you that when we first
met, you were a screw-up?

I gave you a shot at the mail room,
led you up the ranks,

and then paid for you
to go to Harvard,

where, by the way, you jerked off the
entire time you were there.

And I still hired you.

And you've benefited
from that ever since.

Look, I closed
the Dockery case, okay?

You made
a promise to me.

You broke it, and then
you lied to my face.

So let me be clear.
This isn't professional.

This is personal.

And I'll tell you
something else,

you made your bet,
you better goddamn win.

What the hell
is wrong with you?

I need the briefcase back.

Oh, so that's what this
has been about, huh?

You don't care about
our friendship at all.

You're my oldest friend
and you know it.

But you don't seem to
care about that anymore.

And, yeah, I need
the briefcase back.

And I'm going
to find it, Mike.

Well, I ditched it when I was running
away from the cops

that you sent me into.

Mike?

Where are you going?

To my cubicle.

No. You're not.
It's pee-in-a-cup time.

I'm sorry. What?

Drug test. Follow me.

Uh, I'm just going to
put my stuff back...

Now.

Oh, by the way, um,
my cousin was your year at Harvard,

and I asked him
if he knew you.

(LAUGHS)
It's so funny. He didn't.

- Well, what's his name?
- Mitch Samberg.

Yeah. Don't know him.

It's a big school.

Not really.

We get 7,000
applications a year.

You think you can just
walk in and take a tour?

Oh! Mitchell.

With the slicked
back hair?

Graduated seventh
in the class.

Sure. Yeah.
I remember him.

Time to face the music.

DONNA: Yeah. What's up?

I've got to get to the Kendrick filing.
Where the hell is Mike?

I don't know.

Leave the cup
on the counter.

Oh, you'll have to
leave that out here.

Why?

If you take it
in there with you,

I have to check to make sure you don't
have another urine sample.

(LAUGHS) Oh, you...

(SIGHS)

- Where have you been?
- Hi! Um...

Getting drug
tested, actually.

The deposition
is this afternoon.

Before they get here,

I want you to grill this woman about
her background

for anything they might use against her.
You got it?

- Got it.
- Make her tell you everything.

- Everything.
- Everything.

- Everything.
- Okay.

Okay.

I'd been working six months when Mr.
Hunt started asking me to work more.

Order dinner.

One night, late,

he tried to have
sex with me.

The next day, I requested
a change in assignment.

Two months later, I was fired for having
a bad attitude.

This is ridiculous.

Wipe that smirk
off your face.

You're not even
supposed to be here.

Mr. Hunt has every
right to be here.

Now, Ms. Webster, after working for
Devlin McGreggor,

you then went on to waitress
at Hooters, right?

Yes, I did.

A place that advertises the sexuality
of its wait-staff, correct?

You'll have to
ask them that.

I'm asking you.

And she's not answering.
Move on.

Ms. Webster, would you say that
you're a truthful person?

Yes.

Yeah. So, when you said earlier that you
had never been arrested for a crime,

you were, uh,
speaking the truth?

- Yes.
- Yes.

So, in 1993, then,
you were not arrested for stealing

$1,000 worth of jewelry from the Willow
Grove Mall in Pennsylvania.

I was 17!

That was one mistake. Those records were
supposed to be sealed.

So when you say those records were
sealed, what you mean to say

is you thought you could get
away with a lie.

No, that's not it. You're making it
seem different than it is.

I'm sorry. You were arrested in your
past

and you lied about it here under oath.

Is that making it seem
different than what it is?

No answer.
Hmm. All right.

Um, let me ask you this,
since you've lied here once,

what's to make us believe you're not
lying about Mr. Hunt?

Well, thank you.

How the hell did you
miss that arrest?

No. I did every
background check we have.

Did you grill her
like I told you to?

It was
a sealed record, Harvey.

God damn it,
I knew it. Fix it.

Joanna! Wait! Please!

This is why I didn't
want to testify.

They twist something from a hundred
years ago and make me look like a liar.

They make it sound like what he did
to me didn't happen.

Look, it doesn't matter.
All right?

I need you to testify on Friday and
keep this case alive.

We don't have time to find anyone else
before then. Would you please wait?

No! I'm not waiting. You promised this
wouldn't happen, and it did.

You never told me
you were arrested.

Don't contact
me again. Please?

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

What happened
with the witness?

Nothing. Nothing happened.
I couldn't fix it.

So you're going to quit?

It's either that or have Louis Litt
fire me.

What are you
talking about?

My first day, Louis fired Gary Lipsky
for screwing up a case.

He said if I did the same thing,
I'd be gone just as fast.

Well, you go back
to the witness' house

and you get her
to testify again.

I tried.
There's no way.

There's always a way.

Then why don't you go
and convince her?

Because you screwed it up.

Oh, and you don't give a damn about
the client. Right.

That's not my job.

Does your job include
giving a damn about me?

Because the least you could do is offer
to stand up to Louis for me.

Stand up for you? I put my ass on
the line for you.

But it turns out you may have had
the balls to get this job,

but you don't have the courage to stick
it out when it gets tough.

- That's not true.
- Isn't it?

You've had one foot out the door
since you got here.

What are you
talking about?

I'm talking about that briefcase being
locked in your desk.

Yeah, I saw it.
And I know what it is.

It's your backup plan
in case this doesn't work out.

You can make some quick cash and go
right back to the life you told me

you didn't
want to lead.

So, if you want
to quit, go ahead.

But this isn't because of Louis and it
isn't because of me.

It's because you're afraid you might
have to admit

that you're not as smart as you
think you are.

If you're here in the morning, I'll know
I still have an associate.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, I get that you were upset that I
was promoted before you,

but if you ever threaten to fire one of
my guys again,

I am going to kick your ass.

Hmm. What are you
talking about?

Don't play dumb
with me, all right?

You fired Gary Lipsky
in front of Mike Ross.

What's so funny?

Gary Lipsky works
in the mail room.

What?

I didn't fire anyone.

That's how I let the new associates know
what's expected of them.

You plant a fake
employee to manipulate the associ...

That's it.

What?

Mike!

I wanna quit.

Come here.

When your parents died,

I lost my son,

my daughter-in-law.
I was scared,

alone, and I was
too old to raise you.

But I had no choice, because who else
was going to take care of my grandson?

You made me
a promise before.

You're in the door.

Promise me now the only way you'll leave
is if they rip you out.

You can save your breath. There's no way
I'm testifying at the hearing tomorrow.

That's not why I'm here.
I know what you did.

What are you
talking about?

You never worked
for Devlin McGreggor.

And you were never
harassed by Mr. Hunt.

- That's a lie.
- Look, I could tell you

that I've got
the canceled checks

or the wire transfer
or whatever smoking gun that exists.

I don't. But I will. And when I do,
you'll be going to jail.

Unless you tell me
what happened, right now.

I'm the guy you tell.

All I had to do was waste your time
until tomorrow after the hearing.

Please. I just
needed the money.

I don't want to go to jail.

Here's what
you're going to do.

What's with the attitude?
That's just really, uh...

- Mike!
- Hey!

I'm not giving this to
you because you need it.

I'm giving it to you
because I don't.

And I don't know if I'm ready to forgive
you yet or not,

but I do know we're even.

Wait a second.

I didn't...

I don't...

Don't.

Now we're even.

Huh.

I see you came
to work today.

Nice suit.

It was
a barter transaction.

I got six of them for
one little briefcase.

Listen, uh,

I'm sorry and...

Forget it.

When I first started, Jessica rode me so
hard, I quit once a month.

I just told you what
you needed to hear.

That's just it.

I've only ever had one person who told
me what I needed to hear.

(SIGHS) Maybe it's time
I started trusting somebody else.

Merry Christmas.

Is this for real?

You know what to do.

Press until it hurts.

MIKE: Wire transfer from your account
to Joanna Webster's.

Phone records with Joanna Webster prior
to her testimony.

And an affidavit stating you paid
Ms. Webster to falsely testify.

Mr. Hunt, harassment is
a civil violation.

The penalty is money.

But witness tampering, that's a crime,
and you will go to prison,

where, I guarantee,
you'll learn more about unwanted

sexual advances than you can
possibly imagine.

Do you think this is
going to intimidate me?

Even if this evidence
was credible, who are you going to get

to prosecute a small-time witness
tampering charge, huh?

Harvey, didn't you
graduate law school

with the current
U.S. Attorney in New York?

In fact, I did.

And I think he might even be interested
in pursuing a case like this.

Wait, are you
two still close?

Well, I was the best man
at his wedding.

Wow.

No, you weren't.
You're bluffing.

No. I think I've got some pictures of us
at the ceremony.

Let's see.

Yeah. Here we are.

I must admit,
I look very dashing.

This is me and his mother.
The woman adores me.

Here we are at
his bachelor party.

There's no strippers.
He's lame.

But he can't put guys like you away
for sexual harassment

and then go to strip
clubs now, can he?

All right,
what do you want?

An admission of guilt

and a guarantee that you'll obtain
treatment before working again.

And Nancy gets
reinstated with back pay.

Fine.

- And a raise.
- Okay. All right. Are we done?

The kid should be able to grow up
without the burden

of tuition hanging over his head.
Don't you think?

Which is why you're also going to pay
Nancy an extra $250,000.

Charles.

Gentlemen.

(CHUCKLES)

Thank you for everything.

You're welcome.

Not bad.

Well done.

Okay, so just one question.
Why did you go to Joanna's house?

Because I figured it out.

I object. I think you
did it because you care.

I did it because
it's my job.

Would you admit it?
You care about me.

I saw you smile when I showed up
for work this morning.

I didn't smile. I was thinking
of a funny joke.

Look, we start
on this tomorrow.

Does this mean
we're officially a team now?

I wouldn't move your things into
Wayne Manor just yet.

So, now you're Batman.

Closer to him
than Clemenza.

Oh, yeah. Kilmer.

Clooney.

Keaton.

Did you really quit when you
first started?

Of course not.
I'm not a wuss.