Succession (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Pre-Nuptial - full transcript

The Roys assemble at an English castle for Shiv and Tom's wedding; Kendall's plans are fast-tracked.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Here they are.

(BRAKES HISSING)

(BACKUP ALERT BEEPING)

What's he do... What's he doing?

Come on, it'll be fine. It'll fit!

I'm afraid he's... he's not
gonna drive through.

-He says it won't fit.
-We||, clearly it'll fit.

What is he, vehicle dysmorphic?

The bridge has
a three-and-a-half ton weight limit,

and, uh, he's worried
about his mirrors.



Well, which is it, Charlotte?
The story keeps changing.

TOM: Hey, hey! Come on down!

This is not my intended welcome. Okay?

-(STAMMERING) We will sort it, Tom.
-Heyl

-Hey, good to see ya.
-We can just get buggies and...

Buggies?
How the fuck long will that take?

We just need to round up
the buggies and...

I work in hospitality, Charlotte,
okay, so I can smell bullshit.

-Moml Hey!
-Honeyl

Hey! Hey, Daddy!

Hey, Tommy, it's great to see ya.

Couple of hours?

It was wonderful just sitting there.
We liked watching the planes.

Your father thought he might've seen
the man from U2.



And Arthur Laffer,
of the Laffer curve?

-Right...
-Are they coming?

Well, could be...
It's mostly rock gods and economists.

Hey, hey, it's the Fly Guys!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

-Good to see you!
-You made it, man!

Hey, Tommy, your mother's
a little thirsty.

-Mom, are you thirsty?
-A little thirsty.

l... I don't wanna be a trouble, Torn.

I... It was my fault.

-Grab a bag, and then we'll go...
-Yeah, yeah.

I'll follow you up.

I hope you're happy now, Charlotte,
'cause my mother is dying of thirst.

And l'vejust picked up a bag.
l'm carrying a case on my wedding eve.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

All right, I gotta go.

But I'll see you there, okay?

Uh, I managed to change the time
for the embassy, and...

(CHUCKLES)

Sorry, are we okay?

Oh, yeah.

Gil, you don't have to come
to the wedding.

That's not...

We've just been doing
the media monitoring.

Motherfuckers, l'll fucking kill him.

I'll take them to pieces.

-NATHAN|EL: He's not sleeping.
-Right.

It's, uh, what's-his-name.
He's got under his skin.

Screwdriver-face.

Oh, the bit...

The bit where he implied
he murdered his wife.

Yeah, for some reason
that's somewhat irked him.

Gil, you don't need to focus on this.
We can hit it.

I know. I'm focused.

l'm X-raying this briefing
for salient facts.

I mean, I don't wanna make
a big thing out of this,

but is it possible your father is the
worst human being who ever lived?

Uh, l... I don't think that's...

Is it true he's not coming
to the wedding out of, what, spite?

-(SIGHS) Well, it's complicated.
-I wanna take him out.

I wanna destroy ATN.

I'm not sure that's wise.

And if I said it was wise,
would you have a problem with that?

No.

In the end, Gil,
I'll do whatever you want.

Siobhan, look... If there's something,
anything you can get me.

I'm in a fucking knife fight here.

I'm holding a dildo
made out of American cheese.

So this is really gonna happen, yeah?

You know I don't want ICBC
as part of the syndicate, right?

Uh, seventy-five to 150 basis points,
and 0.2% commitment fee.

-Oh, my fucking God.
-Then, yeah, fuck yeah.

-I feel good.
-Holy shit.

Without them we're good to go.
Let me call you back.

Um, has your sister ever heard
of Lake Como?

Has she ever heard of Venice,
St. Barts, the Maldives?

Has she heard of these locations?
She must be aware of them.

I got the call. You get the call?

I got the fucking call.

Shall we go inside? Come on.

What? In here?

Brother, we are putting together
a hostile takeover

of one of the largest
media corporations in the world.

I think we can brave
some non-vintage champagne.

Wow.

Um, can we get some champagne?
A bottle, please? Thank you.

What are we talking? Like 10 days,
then we go in for the kill?

Yeah.

Can't keep it on lockdown
for more than about 10 days, right?

-Yeah, that's about it.
-BARMAID: John?

John?

-John!
-So, like, uh...

BARMAID: Have we got
any of that champagne?

...the 19th, for the bear hug?

-Yeah, good. One little thing...
-Good.

The Canadians, there seems to be
a little static on some details.

-Like what?
-Like, you as CEO.

-What do you mean?
-Relax, okay?

This doesn't happen without you.

It's normal co-investor bullshit.

Frank knows those guys.
You want me to...

-You want me to...
-l'll handle it, dude.

No leaks, please.
Not to Frank, not to anyone.

Why are you so jumpy about this, Ken?

Why am ljumpy?

About fucking Rome,

fucking Shiv and Connor

probably blowing what's left
of my dad's fucking brain?

About taking the company
out of family control, forever?

I don't know, Stewy.
Why would that make me jumpy?

Look, I don't give a fuck.

But, I mean... Do you want me to ask?

I'm just curious to see
if she's gonna come begging.

-Because I can ask.
-I don’t wanna ask.

If she wants to ask, she can ask.

'Cause I can...
I can physically see her.

Gerri, I don't wanna ask.

Okay.

She comes crawling,
then I'll think it over.

-Fine. Okay, I get it.
-Who's there?

-Um...
-Have you seen Caroline?

Is she still with that
chinless hippie prick?

Ooh, I thought we might miss
the rehearsal.

Oh, we don't need to rehearse.
We're gonna kill it.

Did you think again about your dad
and whether we want to reconsider?

-Fuck him.
-Right, right.

And did you think again about
whether we wanna go Wamsgans

or Roy-Wamsgans?

Or, as I said, I'd be willing
to just drop traditional

and go Tom-Roy, in fact,
for myself, if...

Um...

Hey, I wanted to ask you something.

Uh-huh.

I could do with knowing about
the bad thing, in cruises.

You know, the thing that meant
you couldn't sleep?

Uh-huh.

-No?
-Uh... l...

No, I don't know.
I just think, yeah...

ljust think, you know,
church and state, and... and AC/DC,

and Ebony and Ivory
and never the twain shall meet.

Yeah, right, but you always wanted
to make it public.

-Didn't you?
-Yes, yeah.

-In my bones, I did.
-Exactly.

But I did then destroy
all the evidence, so...

(CLEARS THROAT)

I guess, you know, if it's bad...

The longer you leave it,
the worse it'll be when it comes out.

Yes, unless it never comes out,
you know?

I bet it's not even that bad.

Uh, it is quite bad.

It's quite bad.

SHIV: Oh, fuck, here we go.
TOM: Look, honey.

This is where it's happening.

Ooh.

-Oh, hey.
-Hey.

-lt's exciting!
-SH|V: Hey.

You, uh... (CHUCKLES) You spoken
to the wicked bitch of the West yet?

| just got here, Shiv.

Hey, is this gonna take long?

SHIV: Shall we?

-Saddle up, soldier.
-Oh, come on.

She can't be that bad.

Yeah. Just don't look at her directly.

CAROLINE: Hello! Hello, hello.

-Hi.
-(CHUCKLES) Here you are.

CAROLINE:
I knew you'd arrive eventually.

Tom, remember Tabs?

-SH|V: My mom.
-Hello!

-Tom.
-Hi.

Gosh, look at you.

-You're very plausible.
-Oh, thank you.

Exactly.

(SHIV AND TOM CHUCKLE)

-Hi, Mom.
-Hi, Kendall.

ROMAN: Tabitha, have you guys met?

-Have you all...
-Bro.

(ROMAN BARKING)

So, shall we go
and play happy families?

TOM: Yes. Great.

-SH|V: Mmm-hmm.
-(TAB|THA CHUCKLES)

Well done on Tom.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Tell me again why you're marrying him.

-Mom, come on.
-(CHUCKLES) Joking. I like...

-I like him!
-Okay.

And I want to say
I hope this can be nice.

I really appreciate
your coming over here.

-Okay, it's no worries.
-GREG: Hey! Hey!

My travel agent specializes
in guilt trips.

-Hey! Hey!
-(CHUCKLES)

Apologies. Did I miss anything?

-No.
-Happy day.

Caroline Collingwood.

Pleased to meet you.

Likewise, your excellency.

Gregory Hirsch.

Greg!

-You're Greg egg.
-Excuse me?

You're Greg the egg!

When you were born you
looked like a little misshapen egg.

I did... Yeah, I did hear tell of...

And your dad used to try and
sleep with all the men in Sausalito.

-(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
-(LAUGH|NG)

-How's your mother?
-Uh, good. Okay, yeah.

Solvent, currently. Debt free.

Great. Come on in.

Come and see our little church.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

These are all my disreputable
slave-owning ancestors.

-GREG: Very nice.
-(CAROLINE SCOFFS)

-Oh, my God. Tom, did you see?
-What, Greg?

-Did I see what?
-That's the girl from Brooklyn.

-From your bachelor party.
-Yes.

Who sucked your dick
and made you swallow your load.

Greg, that's not very weddingy.

-But that's her.
-I know.

Greg, her name is Tabitha,
and she and Roman are dating.

-Mmm-hmm.
-Which is cool, so please, do not act

like an unsophisticated rube.

-Okay. Wow.
-Yeah.

He really liked her and it's fine.

It's just one of those
weird urban things,

like when you go to see stand-up,
and the comedian is your dentist.

-Okay? Yeah?
-Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh.

-Hey!
-Hey.

-Hey!
-So...

-We should, uh, get going.
-Yeah, let's do it.

l'm Willa, by the way,
I'm Connor's partner.

(CHUCKLES)

Fantastic.

And what do you do, Willa?

Oh, um... I'm a... I'm a playwright.

-Wow. Fantastic.
-Yeah.

-Thank you.
-America.

And what do you do, Connor?

Well, um...

Connor doesn't really do anything.

Do you, Con?

I think they're all
gathered now, Patrick.

-Shall we?
-What?

What?

Shit.

Just to get things straight.

Am I right that the father...
I understand the father...

Couldn't be bothered.

(TOM CHUCKLES)

He's, uh... He's not well,
he's not well.

CAROLINE: Yeah, that's the story.

Everyone remember the story.

So, uh, lwill be performing
the father role.

VICAR: Great.

Listen, I didn't mean
you don't do anything, ljust...

Well, that's a shame
because that's what you said.

No, you know, I mean,
nothing like my writing.

Safeguarding 30,000 acres
of wilderness, that's nothing?

Being on the verge of setting up
a podcast on Napoleonic history

with a considerable level of
investment interest, that's nothing?

-No, sure, it's...
-Cracking the nut of happiness,

like a modern day Thoreau.
Well, that's nothing.

Con, you're great, okay.

You are... l...

It was a dumb thing to say.

Well, here we are.

The ancestral home
Caroline didn't inherit.

The thorn in her side,
the fish bone in her throat.

When we were kids,
she wouldn't even let us look at it.

What do you think?

I mean, (LAUGHS) it's massive!

I hate it.

KENDALL: Hey, so, listen.
FRANK: Mmm-hmm.

KENDALL:
You know the Canadians, right?

Yves, et cetera?

FRANK: Oh. The pension fund guys?
Yeah.

KENDALL: Yeah.

What do they think of me?

How do you mean? What's the context?

I can't give you context.

Okay. That's very interesting context.

-Look, as a pal...
-Uh-huh.

(SIGHS)

Say there was a situation
where private equity

was trying to buy out
a major media company

and install a new CEO.

-How would they view me?
-Are you serious?

Fuck. So what, they're co-investors?

Come on, you know those guys.

Behind closed doors,
are they of the opinion

I'm, uh, the real deal,
or, uh, in training?

And would there be room
to wet the beak of an old pal

in such a situation?

Frank, too soon. Too soon.
Get your hard-on out of my soup.

Okay.

-So?
-Well. ..

I think they have
a lot of time for you,

but there may be certain questions.

Shit.

Well, you know
they think they're hot shots.

They make hard jokes.

As in?

Well, sometimes when you were absent

they used to refer to you
as "the calamari cock ring."

I don't even know what that means.

I think it means they think of me
as a cock ring

made from calamari, Frank.

It's pretty self-explanatory.

So what do we say?

Well, lthought
we were gonna say "illness."

No, I don't like illness. Plays weak.

Okay, we can say "busy."

What prick's too busy to attend
his own daughter's wedding?

Okay, "family rift."

But we background brief that, um,
Gil's campaign is like a cult.

"What is this grieving senator's
mysterious hold on Shiv Roy?"

We sprinkle some of that.

It makes her look weak.
And it makes me look like I'm...

None of my kids
have gone round the bend,

or offed themselves.

We've always pushed
that you're a good dad.

-Because?
-Because you are a good dad.

Huh.

So, if you don't want to say, I mean,

work or illness or rift, do we just...

Fuck it. There's no way out.

-I mean, if you want to go...
-I don't want to go.

But there's no other fucking way out.

(LIVELY CHATTER)

Well, we can do
whatever you want us to do,

and I'm... I'm so sorry if you think
we've done the wrong thing,

but they literally just called
and told us he was coming.

-Who's coming?
-Dad. And Marcia.

-Wait... Dad's coming here?
-Yeah.

-I thought you didn't want him to.
-I don't.

I mean, it's your wedding, so...

Yeah. I don't want him here.
He's never apologized.

But Marcia called Tom, and...

And obviously I had to ask Shiv.

Yeah. Meanwhile,
she's already called Charlotte,

-and they're on their way.
-Dad's coming?

Is it about the launch?
Is he concerned?

Yeah, I'm sure
he's thinking about that 24/7.

So, uh, I mean, what are you gonna do?

-You could just say no.
-Yeah. I could.

But what, just get security
to fucking stop him?

-Oh, hold on.
-No, I could do that.

Yeah, you could,
but it might cause a funny atmosphere,

because he did pay... You know,
he did pay for all this. He's paid.

Okay, if he's got the stones to walk
in here, what are we gonna do?

Put the dogs on him? Tell him
there's no seat, he's gotta stand?

Like, he's given us no choice.

So, now I hear he is coming.

-Yeah.
-CAROL|NE: Well, that's wonderful.

-Oh, come on, Mom.
-No, no. It's fine.

I just hope you won't forget about me,
when your father arrives

with the head
of his Middle Eastern operations.

-Marcia?
-Yeah, Marcia.

Do you still find her a bit...
You know...

(SIGHS) Actually, we became
quite close during Dad's illness.

Oh, well.

What a sweet little scene
that must've been.

Very touching, I'm sure.

-Actually, it's quite good.
-SHIV: Why?

Just you're being the second-most
important person at your wedding.

Take the pressure off.

-(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
-(LIVELY CHATTER)

Mmm. This is delicious.

Well, I'm very glad you like it.

Because it cost a pretty penny.

Well, it's delicious.
It tastes like it.

(LAUGHTER)

-(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry. Just a second?
-Oh, no. Of course.

-Hi. Excuse me.
-Hi there.

Um...

Got any protein for us to use?

Uh, protein? I'm not a fucking hen
to lay you eggs.

-l'm a strategist.
-I know. lt'sjust... Gil.

-What?
-Uh, he'd like a word.

Okay.

-Hey. Hey!
-MAN: Hey. How ya doing?

-Good.
-I gotta say,

you knocked it
out of the park with the wine.

-Didn't we?
-lt's delicious.

Gil.

Listen, I don't mean to be
overly dramatic,

but I was assured when I accepted
that your father wouldn't be here.

I know. Plans changed, I was ambushed.

This is not okay from my POV, Siobhan.

This compromises me.

I mean... And you were very eager
that Gil would come along.

I mean, that's...

Well, yeah, when I invited you

I didn't realize it was
gonna be a chore.

He'sjust weighty, Shiv.
He carries his gravity.

He's not a man, he's a fucking planet.

Look, there's no press,
and there's no pictures.

We gotjammers and a, you know,
a fucking hawk to take out drones.

It'll be like it never happened.

I hear you might have something
explosive I can use.

Yeah, maybe. I'm working on it.
But just not yet.

Let's destroy ATN, Shiv.

Wouldn't that be a nice wedding gift
to the American people?

Oh, yeah, sure, I'm just concerned
about collateral damage.

-Tom.
-Tom? He'll be fine.

Says the man who has literally no idea
what he's even talking about.

Shiv, come on.

l have all the arguments
on monopolies, and news

and the coarsening
of the public sphere,

but I kind of start falling asleep
when I hear myself talk.

Give me something salty, Shiv.

Get me a stick of dynamite
I can shove up his fucking ass!

Okay, I get that.

-Come here. You know Gil.
-Yeah, sure.

Pleased to meet you, Senator Eavis.

Likewise.

How are you finding it
outside the evil empire?

Oh, fine. I'm fine, thank you.

And how do you like it here
in the lion's den?

I've been to zoos before.

You like drinking our champagne?

I'm a "champagne for all" guy,
not a "gruel for all" guy.

-Hey, uh, you know Senator Eavis.
-ROMAN: Mmm-hmm.

Sword of the dispossessed
and lover of vintage champagne.

I guess, technically,
I should take a swing at you.

Technically,
I should call you libelous scum.

Are you gonna calm the shit-talk down,

or are we gonna have
to ramp things up?

Is your dad gonna stop poisoning
the discourse of our great republic?

Have you got a laptop?

Do you see the shit out there?
We're the fucking good guys now.

(SCOFFS)

Join in, by the way. Feel free.

No?

Shiv? I mean, your guy here
is shit-talking our company.

Yeah, we don't talk about that.

That would be a conflict of interest.

Oh, lies!

Oh! 'Cause you... Yeah, the lies.

Can't wait for
the big one tomorrow. Right?

Well, these hands
aren't gonna fuck themselves, so...

Nice to meet you, Senator Beavis.

(LIVELY CHATTER)

-Congratulations.
-Thanks.

-Nice to finally meet you.
-Tom Wamsgans.

Obviously. Nate.

Uh-huh. Right. Right.

Hi. Well, I've heard
very little about you.

What can I say? (CHUCKLES)
Best man won.

(CHUCKLES)

-As in?
-The... You won the Shiv-off, pal.

Good luck.

Right. And... And who are you again?

Nate Sofrelli.

Did she never... This is embarrassing.

-Are... Are you a pal of Kendall's?
-Yes.

-Okay. Ah. Okay.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Shiv and |,
back in ancient history, we...

Oh, right. Oh. Oh, I see.

Oh, okay, okay, maybe she did.

-Right.
-Maybe she did.

Ah, the best man won.

Maybe.

There was an uncle who ended up
living in Gibraltar with a monkey,

and he swindled my mom's grandpa.

We used to come here as kids.
She lives nearby.

Very good.
Keep the wound fresh and all that.

You know what, I'm gonna split.

I can see my husband-to-be
talking to my ex,

and it's making me feel like
I want to hurl.

-So, great to meet you.
-Yeah, fair. You too.

Enjoy. Have a good night.

Just to say...

So kind of your parents to have
paid for all this delicious wine.

Oh, not at all, not at all.

They wanted
to make a contribution, so...

So clever the way they're letting
every single person know.

Oh. Oh, good...

You okay?

Yeah, I think ljust got stabbed
by your mom,

but I'm not... not completely sure.

Oh, yeah, that's how it works.

You'll bleed out in about an hour.

Can I... Can I talk to you
for two seconds?

Uh, yeah.

TOM: Just...

So ljust wanted to get you up here
to talk about the, uh, table plans.

Oh, and have you thought
any more about, ow,

whether you want to tell me
about the secret thing?

And ljust wanted to, uh, say
that l, uh, ldid meet Nate.

Oh, you...

You've met Nate before. I think.

No?

Huh. Uh...

Oh, well, he's a... you know,
he's a good colleague,

and, uh, you know,
he's a friend of Kendall's.

They ran around in Shanghai together.

And he's a dick.

Uh, well, he's okay, but he has
a certain dickish quality about him.

I think I've mentioned him
to you before.

Look, Shiv, uh...

Is this real?

What do you... What do you mean?

Am I a total jerk?

Uh...

Do you... Do you really want
to do this? 'Cause we don't have to.

Do this?

-All the people are here.
-Yeah.

And, besides, lwant to.
I do... I do want to.

I mean, is this...

Wha...

What level are we on?
Are you fucking around on me?

-Tom.
-Honestly? This Nate...

You know, I can...

I... There are vibes.

Oh. Tom. What,
as soon as two colleagues are close...

-D.C. loves gossip.
-No, sure.

Sometimes there are rumors,

and people, you know,
they're not fucking.

But sometimes they totally are.

Honestly?

(SIGHS)

This is real.

I'm not fucking around on you.

Well, I trust you.

Good.

Thank you.

And that puts my mind at rest, so...

You know, when...

when we met, lwas in such a mess.

I need you.

Hmm?

I do.

If you want to know
about the secret stuff,

the cruise line stuff, I'll tell you.

Because we have to be able to trust.
Right?

-Yeah?
-Yeah, that'd be great.

(SNORTING)

-Hey, hey, how ya doing?
-Hi.

-Where are the kids?
-They're upstairs. (CHUCKLES)

-Cool.
-They're, uh, sleeping.

-Yeah, right.
-I saw Shiv.

-How are the happy couple? Okay?
-Oh, yeah.

Good.
You know, uh, maintaining the veneer.

Mmm-hmm. You okay?

I'm fantastic. ldid, like, uh,

one hundred and twenty push-ups
this morning, so, I think I'm okay.

Wow. You did 120 push-ups.

Rava, ljust have a lot
going on right now.

Uh-huh.

It's not one of your
more relaxing interludes?

Yeah. It's not.

I'm a big fucking stress knot.
What can I tell you?

I probably have a tumor
eating me inside-out.

You want another drink?

Your lawyers have gotten
a little quiet on me,

so I'm just wondering if that's...

Oh, yeah, I don't know about that.

Mmm-hmm. Can you maybe
give them a little nudge?

Sure.

I'll give them a nudge.

Ken. Ken.

Hmm?

-I know you.
-Oh, yeah, you do?

-Yeah, I know you.
-Really.

And if you want to talk, I am here.

Yeah. Well, I'm good.

Mmm.

Yeah, you know what?

The truth is
my lawyers are stonewalling,

because, uh, your lawyers
are trying to fuck me over.

So, shall we just leave it to them,

and then you and me
canjust, uh, flirt

and you can do your whole
la-dee—fucking-da smile

and we can just be all chummy
and everything,

because I love all that shit?

Have a fucking line
if you need one that badly.

Yeah, lwill, okay?

-Fuck you.
-Thanks.

Everything isn't what you think.
You know?

You can't see inside me just 'cause
I've told you the occasional...

Well, well, well.
What the fuck's going on here?

This looks, uh, mighty fucking cozy.

Um... (CHUCKLES)

Hi. Hi, Kendall.

-Hi.
-We werejust, uh...

Well, we were just saying that I think
that the first time I came here

was back when
you guys were kids, like,

maybe 1986, I think.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.
-Remember that?

Right. Great.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Sorry. I'm sorry.
I should, uh, circulate.

-Okay.
-Al| rightie.

-We'll see you later.
-Yep.

Well, I'm happy to tell,
but, uh, do we have to do it tonight?

You know, 'cause it's about
the corporate cover-up of crimes

and institutionalized sexual abuse.

Oh, fuck.

Well, bad for Dad. Great for Gil.

It's not very "weddingy."

Yeah, still...

Okay. So...

(SIGHS)

There were payoffs,
there was

legal and semi-illegal intimidation...

And do you personally
have plausible deniability?

Yes, I think so. Yeah.

Digital deep-clean, and, uh,
I shredded the paper material.

-Great.
-An outside team.

And inside,
to sign the paper out... Greg.

-Greg.
-Yeah.

Just thought family would be safest,
and Greg's expendable. You know.

What, you'd kill Greg?

No. But you know, he's family, right?

-So we shut him up.
-Yeah, okay, right.

What are you gonna do with this?

'Cause if I give you the details,
it could really hurt me, Shiv.

You're not gonna let me get hurt?

No.

I'll need specifics.

Okay. So...

So...

(HELICOPTER APPROACHING)

(ALL CHATTERING)

Keep him away from me.

Your father's making a
subtle entrance, as I see.

Hey.

Come on. Forbidden fruit.

Nate.

Has the chicken laid the egg?

Uh, no. Not yet. Nojoy.

Look at you.

I'm desperate to make you concentrate
on nothing but me forjust 15 minutes.

You think | used
to concentrate on you?

Nate.

(SIGHS)

So, Greg egg.

Oh.

-How long do you give it?
-Uh, I'm sorry?

The marriage. How long do you give it?

Oh.

Is there doubt afoot?

I mean, Ifor one think
they look solid as a rock.

But there you go,
I'm just an old romantic.

Yeah, yeah!

-Here we are.
-Thank you.

-Hello.
-Hey.

I'm feeling much better.

He's much improved.

Great.
Though you weren't actually invited.

Maybe I can get them to make you
an omelette and find you a chair.

I think usually the ones
who are paying get a chair, no?

Oh, I didn't realize
you'd contributed, Marcia.

So rude of me. Thank you.

Let's get to the fucking room,
shall we?

How is the big man? Well, well, well.
It's good to see you. You good?

All good. Everything is good,
acquisition-wise.

All we have to do is shut down

the voice of the fucking people
over there.

Oh, there he is. (CHUCKLES)

-Will you excuse me?
-Absolutely.

Kendall.

KENDALL: Hey, Dad.

So, what about it, son?

You want to jump out the trenches
and play a game of soccer?

Can I bring you some corn
to get you through the winter?

How you doing? What's the news?

Oh, keeping busy.

You need a reference for your resume?

"Relatively punctual.
Prone to bouts of insubordination."

Yeah, well, you know.

So,

how long are you gonna fuck about
on the outside?

Uh-huh.

You, uh... You recruiting?

What, uh, new Head
of Being Continually Thwarted?

How would a TV network suit you? Huh?

One of the big guys when I land it.
Could that work?

You feeling the heat on your own?

Yeah? A little?
You want me back?

Like, to, uh, to put that
in a press release?

I'm just a lovely guy.

Can you top me up, please?

So, what was all that about,
cocksucker?

Oh, he wasjust, uh, telling me
what a sensational job you're doing.

Fuck you.

Did he mention the launch?
Does he know that I've accelerated?

(CHUCKLES)

Say something fucking funny?

-Hello.
-Oh.

Caroline Collingwood,
mother of the bride.

Oh, hi, I'm Stewy.

-So, how long do you give it?
-(CHUCKLES) I'd say forever.

Or until Shiv goes away for the week,
whichever comes first.

Excuse me.

You beast. (CHUCKLES)

Hi, Mom. I hear you're asking
"How long you give it?"

Just a cheeky icebreaker.

Okay, well,
it's pretty fucking horrible.

It's not all about you, Shiv.
Other people need something to say.

Okay, well, can you ask them about
the price of fucking fish instead?

-I like your girlfriend, Ro.
-Oh, thank you.

I met her at a sex party where
she was giving the groom a blowjob.

(CAROLINE LAUGHS)

-You should marry that one.
-Excuse me?

And, Shiv, stop taking everything
so seriously.

I'm trying to sparkle.

When people ask me how long I give it,
I say forever.

-Okay, well...
-It will be forever.

-Well, thank you.
-Or it'll feel like forever.

-She says she's being impish.
-She's being a stone-cold bitch.

Mmm-hmm. (CHUCKLES)

Uh, hey, you want to
meet up later tonight? All together?

-At the place?
-SHIV: Yeah.

So, uh...

You talked to the white whale?
What'd he have to say?

Nothing. I mean,
he's just shoring up his position.

It's not real. He's under pressure.

Mmm. Are you good? No wobbles, right?
You okay?

I'm not gonna get, uh,
coldcocked here, am I?

'Cause I heard from Frank

the Canadians
might not be too keen on me.

You talked to
the fucking grandfather clock?

Has he signed anything?

No, that would just be rude.

I mean, he... he...

he used to give me flying lessons
in his fucking Cessna.

Come on, man. (CHUCKLES)

You're not a little prince anymore.

Don't rely on
Sir Talky of Fuckchester, please.

He's good, Stewy.

GIL: Are we working upstate, or...

Ah!

Mr. Fuckhead, I presume.

Logan Roy, Logan Roy, Logan Roy.

Are we allowed to talk?

I've nothing but admiration for you,
personally, Mr. Roy.

LOGAN: Oh, really?

It's the sort of thing you say,
isn't it? (CHUCKLES)

Ooh, classy. (CHUCKLES)

So, what is it you've got against me?

You're the one making it personal.

I'm just trying to do myjob,
think of everyone, not just myself.

The interest of each
is the good of all.

That is the whole of the law.

You don't need to remind me
of my Adam Smith.

-I taught economics.
-Where? Kindergarten?

"to each according to his need"?

What about, and this isn't me talking,

but what about me,
Mr. Fucking Ability,

busting my chops in my auto shop

so that some needy fuck
from the projects

can jack off on my time?

That's the issue, I'm afraid.

GIL: Well, lfind that
a very reductive view of human nature.

LOGAN:
Well, I didn't make human nature,

but I do know what they read
and what they watch.

I make my nut off
what people really want.

Don't tell me about people.

I'd go flat broke in a week
if I didn't.

MARCIA: Nice to meet you, Senator.

GIL: Yeah.

SHIV: Sleep well, Dad.

-MARCIA: Night.
-(SIGHS) Thank you.

Might be your last good one
for a decade or so. (SIGHS)

LOGAN: Hmm?

The cruise situation.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Yeah, sure.
Well, you might soon. Unless...

(LOGAN SIGHS)

You could afford to be
un petit peu plus agréable, Siobhan.

You don't understand, Marcia.

Well, I know when | see
a spoiled slut.

Excuse me?

(SPEAKS FRENCH)

What the fuck? Who are you?

Apart... I mean, apart from a machine
for gathering power?

You don't know how vulnerable
a human being can be.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Have you ever had a fucking grapefruit
without an agenda?

He made you a playground,
and you think it's a whole world.

Well... (SPEAKS FRENCH)

Go out and see how you like it.

Fuck off.

Well, you two seem to be
the best of friends.

Don't.

Aw, come on. It's okay.

Hey, Pinky.

Someone will be in touch.

Great.

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

You know, you're fucking great.

Thank you!

You're not a head fuck.
Or a bitch or a leech.

You say such pretty things.

You never once asked to stay over,

or how it works with my dad,
or the trust,

or what my stake is, you know?

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'm just pathologically incurious.

(CLEARS THROAT)

What if I was prepared to marry you?

-Hello.
-Hiya.

(TABITHA LAUGHING)

Right.
-What?

Shiv's getting married,
Kendall got married...

Ah, I see. So, how about you
come down off of Mt. Olympus

and propose to a mere mortal?

Yeah, what if?

-No.
-No?

-Crazy.
-Why is this crazy?

Because this isn't... this isn't
a normal relationship.

VVhy?

Well, um, for one thing,
we never fuck.

Oh, yeah, we do.

-No, we don't.
-Yeah, come on.

Yeah, we do.
We've been busy, that's all.

No, you, like, kind ofjerked off
near me, once.

There's no need to be disgusting.

I mean, to be honest, Roman, (LAUGHS)
I've had more sexual contact

-with the groom than I have with you.
-Oh.

I asked you not to talk about that.

I've slept with a lot of guys,
Roman Roy,

and if that is gonna be a problem,
you better say.

It's not gonna be a problem.
It's Tom's.

I don't wanna talk about it.
You want to get married?

Babe.

Do you think this is the way
to get someone to stay?

SHIV: Hey, hey, Gerri.

Thank you for meeting me here.

Uh-huh. What is this?

Uh, just a chat.

Right. It's your wedding,

why do I feel like
I'm about to get fucked?

(CHUCKLES) Okay, it's late.
Uh, here's the situation.

I know all about
the cruise division horror show.

And the cover-up.

And Gil wants to go to town on you,
but maybe I can get him to hold off,

if ATN stops the personal stuff.
Gil's wife.

You want us to stop attacking him?

Poor little fragile
presidential candidate.

No, keep attacking him
all through the primaries,

fire up our base, and then
just back off for the general.

They're journalists, Shiv,
not remote-controlled little...

Yeah, sure they are.
I just feel confident that, you know,

a little public comment or two
from my dad, an email,

and the minions realign pretty quick.

(SCOFFS)

So, uh, you are, um... (CLEARS THROAT)

-Just to be clear...
-Oh, yeah. No, I'm bullying you.

Yes. I'm blackmailing you.

I'm threatening to destroy my father.
However you want to put it.

-And you're happy with that?
-Oh, come on, it is what it is.

You used to be such a nice girl.

(SHIV SCOFFS)

-And Tom needs to be clean.
-(SCOFFS)

Move him on, move him up,
maybe abroad.

With clean hands.

You're very pushy, missy.

Thank you, fairy godmother.

(SIGHS) And if I was
authorized to accept,

can you get Mr. Smith
to fuck off back to Washington

and not pull down his pants
to show off his amazing morals?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure
I can persuade him that a dirty LBJ

gets more done than a clean McGovern.

(SIGHS)

Okay, well, good night.

Hey.

Uh, no marriage advice
from my dear old godmother?

I don't know.
I was never very good at all that.

My husband died.

"Don't let him die"?

Okay, what is this?
I was in the middle of a conversation.

Dude, I am super-sorry.
Jess, could you give us a second?

No. Stew? Seriously.

Ken, Igot... Igot Sandy on the line.

Sandy?

-Fuck.
-What is it?

He can tell you.

Uh, you can say, Stew.
What's with the theatrics?

WOMAN: (ON PHONE)
Can you hold for Mr. Furness?

STEWART: He was just there.
Where'd he go?

You're not gonna say? Seriously?

Is this the coldcock?

I think it'S just best
that he tell you. That's all.

(SIGHS) You're such a pussy.

Is... IS... Is this,
uh, Canadian shit?

Um...

It's about that bear hug letter.

-Starting the takeover.
-Okay.

An acceleration.

-No, no, no. No, no, no. Fuck off.
-This weekend.

-Hello, Sandy?
-At my sister's wedding?

Are you insane?

What do you want this to be,
one wedding and four fucking funerals?

-SANDY: Hello?
-Okay.

Hi. Yeah, he told me already.

No, absolutely not, no way, no. No!
Fuck this!

Listen. But you told Frank Vernon.

That has... I hinted.

We ’ve been contacted by a reporter,
and they know something's cooking.

We have to go tomorrow or risk a leak,
which kills us.

No. We're all together, okay?

This is... This is not a good time.

Well, it really is a good time.

Your dad's out of the loop in the UK.
We catch him off-guard.

(SIGHS)

No.

(STAMMERING)
I... I need to, uh, you know,

prepare.

Uh, I... I...

Sandy, I need prep time.
Okay? For the approach.

You can 't make an omelet
without breaking some dicks.

Look, I'm sorry. Okay?

We 'll be in touch with the letter,

and let's close-coordinate
on the minute it's presented.

Okay? Thanks, kid.

(LINE DISCONNECTS)

Motherfucker.

(ROMAN HUMMING)

-Hey. How you doing?
-ROMAN AND KENDALL: Hey.

Where's Con?

KENDALL: Uh...
ROMAN: Did...

-KENDALL: Con? Was he invited?
-Did you tell him?

-No.
-ROMAN: Oh.

Come on. What?

You want me to get him? I told Willa.

Uh...

My...

Fucking hell!

Why did you get in the boat?

No, I'm good. I got shit to do.

ROMAN: What? Why did you...
Why are we here?

I thought this was for old times.

Uh... (SIGHS)

No?

What about you, you wanna smoke my J?

No, I got Shit to do too.
A lot cooking.

What the fuck! Really?

All right, one hit.

There we go, motherfucker.
Ooh. Steal it.

(SHIV CHUCKLING)

Diss.

-Intercepted.
-Old times.

So, listen, guys, um...

I do have something
I need to tell you. Um...

I was at Mom's earlier,

she had me going through, like,
her papers and stuff,

sorting through some shit,

and, uh, it turns out, uh, Shiv,

you're adopted.

And, Ken? You're adopted.

And Connor is obviously adopted.

And so all that Shit's coming to me,
so you can fuck off.

SHIV: I'm sorry. I don't know why
I asked you down here.

ROMAN: (CHUCKLES) No, it's good.

Congratulations.

I'm happy for you.

I'm happy for you.

Thanks.

It's gotta not be so easy for you

to be on the outside,
seeing me do big shit.

-Yeah.
-Big of you. Thank you.

KENDALL: Yeah, well...

Uh...

Can I suggest a hug?

-You serious?
-What is it... What?

-Yeah. I'm serious.
-Why?

Just, come on. Bring it in.

-You know you want to.
-I'm going butt first.

Here I come.

-Here we all are!
-(KENDALL GRUNTS)

(SHIV LAUGHS)

ROMAN: Ow! lthink
I cut the nipple right off!

(LAUGHTER)

(SIGHS)

I don't know. I mean, like,
I think I owe it to him,

but I don't want to be
the one to tell him.

You know?

I mean, like,
what if he finds out that I knew?

Like, I either...

I either owe it to tell him...
Owe it to him to tell him,

or I don't owe it to him to totally
not tell him.

I think tell him.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe don't.

I don't fucking know.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

KENDALL: Right.

Well, no, we can't do that, because
that'll trigger the disclosure...

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SHEEP BLEATING)

GREG: Oh, shit. That's him.
Wait. Stop. Stop.

Great night. Thanks for the ride.

-Hey, Tom!
-TOM: Hey, hey! See you.

GREG: Hey, wait up!
TOM: Morning, Greg!

(TOM CHUCKLES)

Look, Tom, uh...

I... I... I, uh, didn't know...

-(S|GHS)
-Like, exactly how to tell you this,

and I've been up all night trying
to think exactly how to broach...

So I want to just say that... that...

I think that Shiv is...

No.

I think she's having an affair.

No. You're wrong.

No, I mean, not...

Shut up, Greg. Shut up.

No, because I...

-You are. You're wrong.
-Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong.

You are wrong, so we're all good.

-Okay, good.
-Okay? So, good.

Thank you for your time.

-Yeah. And you don't want to hear...
-All right.

I don't want to hear anything, Greg,

'cause it was a misunderstanding.

-I saw what I saw...
-Shut up.

ljust said Shut up. Shut the fuck up.

All right, but I think
you should know...

No. Shut the fuck up, Greg.

-I'm trying to help you.
-Shut up, will you?

-Fucking shut up.
-Dude! What the hell?

I told you to
fucking shut up, will you?

(GRUNTING)

Get off of me.

-Just Shut up.
-What the fuck, man?

-Yeah, I...
-Shut up!

(PANTING)

You know, I was quite outraged
when she suggested this.

I don't like being outside the US.
for too long.

Doesn't sit well.

And there's a mercilessness I miss.

I'm not used to these
squalid little deals.

Yeah, living with
the safety catch off,

fucking without a rubber.

Everywhere else feels so soft.

I mean, look at this fucking place.

(SIGHS) Yeah, well, it's...
it's all quite refined.

LOGAN: Refined? (SCOFFS)
Slaves. Cotton and sugar.

This country's nothing
but an off-shore laundry

for turning evil into hard currency.

(LAUGHS)

Is this where you tell me
you're working for the communists?

And now itjust lies here, you know,

living off its capital,
sucking in immigrants

to turn it
and stop it getting bed sores.

I was looking foward
to taking you down.

You've got a very persuasive daughter.

But doesn't a deal
feel so much better?

Handshake?

I don't think either of us
want to get dirty, do we?

Yeah.

(LIVELY CHATTER)

STEWART: You wanna game it?

KENDALL: Sure.

Deliver the letter,
he calls emergency board...

We go public, world blows up.

The arbs dive in, he tells the world
some, uh, fairy tales,

talks poison pill, other defenses,

board says, "Hang on,
we don't want to get sued."

Thank you.

(CHUCKLES)

Dad says, "Fuck the shareholders,"

calls us, tells us to fuck off.

He's a good man, Pinky.

He's a good man.

Price rockets, because everyone knows
we're gonna win.

STEWART: You think there's a chance
he'll just do a deal?

Have you met my dad?

Nope. He'll never retreat.

It'll be hostile, hostile, hostile.

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)