Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (2006–2007): Season 1, Episode 12 - Monday - full transcript

- Hello?
- Hi, it's Danny.

Hi.

You didn't come to the wrap party.

No. I was kind of tired
and needed to pack.

Are you going away?

To my parents' house back East
and then St. Lucia.

Okay.

It was a good show tonight.

Okay, well, have a good trip...

...and a nice Christmas
and a happy New Year.

- Yeah, you too.
- Thanks.



- Hello?
- Hi, it's Danny Tripp.

I just wanted to make sure
you had something to do Christmas Eve.

Because if you like organ music
and prayer...

...there's a pretty good midnight Mass
in Pacific Palisades.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

I'm at my parents'.

Oh, you're not back yet?

No, no, I'm with my family.

You back next week?

I'll be in the Virgin Islands.

Well, maybe when you get back,
we can see a movie.

Sorry.

- Hello?
- Hi, it's Danny Tripp.

Did you change your phone number?



Yeah, because I figured
you were caller-IDing me by now.

- Yeah.
- I got a new phone too.

I could edit
a feature-length film with this.

Are you at the theater?

- No, I'm getting ready for a party.
- It sounds like you're at the theater.

I'm on vacation, Jordan.

I can recognize the room tone.

I'm eating it!

And I just heard Matt shout,
"I'm eating it."

Matt's here, so I'm here.

Matt's there because with Harriet gone,
it's like somebody's moved his food dish.

You're not supposed to be
as confused as Matt.

I was thinking
I could take you to The Palm...

...and buy you a steak
with your choice of soup or salad.

I don't think that's a good idea, Danny.

I don't like you at the theater alone
during the holidays.

This is Jordan. Leave a message.

Hello?

Hello?

I don't know if you can hear me or not
because the connection's going in and out.

I'm calling because you've had
the New Year for three hours already.

I wanted to see if there was something
I should be looking for.

Jordan?

You there?

Welcome back, everyone.
Happy New Year.

Your vacation is over. Cast
and senior staff to the stage, please.

Well, at least I'm back on television.

- Hallie.
- Good morning.

- Sorry to keep you waiting.
- Please.

- Come on in.
- Thank you.

- Welcome to NBS.
- Thanks.

- You find your office okay?
- Sure.

You find mine, let me know.

I moved into
the first empty one I saw.

- Can we be upfront with each other?
- Absolutely.

I know I wasn't your first choice
for the job.

It wasn't that. It was that
I didn't wanna create the job.

- Head of alternative programming?
- Yeah.

- You're not a big fan of unscripted TV?
- No.

- Well, I hope I can change that.
- Dare to dream.

Have you asked yourself why?

- I don't like reality TV?
- Yeah.

Really? No.

I think you've been exposed
to the bad ones.

- I guess so.
- The Ed Sullivan Show was reality TV.

- Get Elvis and the Beatles and I'll watch.
- Touch?.

Gesundheit.

Hey, Kevin. This is Hallie Gallaway.

- My assistant, Kevin Yu.
- Hello.

- I'm taking breakfast orders.
- I've taken to dining in my office.

My eating habits evoke giggles
from my subordinates.

What would you like?

- Coffee.
- Swiss cheese and mushroom omelet.

Very crispy bacon,
fried potatoes and tomato juice.

- Okay.
- And pancakes.

Sure.

What's it like to be pregnant?

I don't know how to succinctly answer
that question.

You don't like me, do you?

I met you a minute ago.
I haven't formed an opinion.

Am I your punishment
for passing on Search and Destroy?

- You think I passed?
- Did I hear wrong?

Network had a VP
of illiterate programming...

Alternative programming.

Yes, and Jack wanted one too.

- What did I say?
- Illiterate programming.

Oh, that's like a Tourette's thing.
That was weird.

Yeah.

Jack's fighting a big battle right now
and I didn't wanna give him another.

- Excuse me.
- Food, great.

He got your order wrong.

No, this is what I eat
while I'm waiting for the food.

You heard of a book called
The 48 Laws of Power?

- No.
- Yeah.

- What is it?
- I don't know, I'm reading about it.

It sounds like it's a pocket guide
to being a leader of a crime organization.

"Law number two,
never put too much trust in friends.

Learn how to use your enemies.

Law number three,
conceal your intentions.

Law number four,
always say less than necessary."

- You could...
- I could never do that.

It's big in the hip-hop community.

Do they know it's written by a guy whose
only achievement is writing the book?

- You guys pitching yet?
- No, we're going through newspapers.

I started riffing on this thing
with some guys over Christmas.

It's not a big deal,
just a new Fruit of the Loom guy...

...who's a rare African fruit,
who's black and militant...

...and can't believe
he's a fruit for underwear.

You can tell Matt
you wanna work on it with me.

- Okay.
- You have a good holiday?

- Yeah.
- All right.

"Think as you like,
but behave like others."

There's a sketch in here.
Running character takes this literally.

"Law 41, avoid stepping into
a great man's shoes."

"Law 37, create compelling spectacles."
What else are we thinking so far?

Simon told me about
a character he was working on.

- A militant Fruit of the Loom.
- You wanna work with him?

- Do you like it?
- I like it if Simon likes it.

Spend time with Simon
and see what he's talking about.

- Yeah?
- Can you sign these?

"Law 21, play a sucker to catch
a sucker. Seem dumber than your mark."

There are 48 sketches in here.

"Law 26, keep your hands clean."
What is this for?

- A charity auction.
- I know, but what for?

- Women United Through Faith.
- Get these away from me.

- Everybody else signed it.
- Those guys don't ask what it's for.

Just sign the damn thing!

You told me to make up
with Women United Through Faith.

I'm not making up with them, though.
I'm not raising money for them.

They're raising money
for teen abstinence awareness.

- Very dangerous stuff.
- I'm completely behind teen abstinence.

I'm saying, as a former teen,
that's not gonna happen.

These scripts will just have to sell
for the same price without your name.

Yes, they will.

- Teen abstinence.
- She's auctioning herself on their website.

I have my own
involuntary abstinence program in place.

What's she auctioning?

She's getting an award Thursday
from Catholics in Media.

- She's not Catholic.
- They like her anyway.

Swell.
Law 34 is "Be royal in your fashion."

She's auctioning a chance
to go to an awards dinner?

- As her date.
- Okay.

"Law 42, strike the shepherd
and the sheep will scatter."

"Law 10, avoid the unhappy
and the unlucky."

- Has anyone bid?
- It opened at $500.

- Who bid $500?
- It doesn't give their name.

Just their username.
This guy is Lukes5858.

- Are you kidding?
- No.

Let me see that.

It's not Lukes, it's Luke S. Luke Scott.

And 58 was his first movie,
an indie movie. Luke S 5858.

- Bid $501.
- Really?

- Yes.
- Five hundred and one?

I'm not giving these people
any more money than $501.

Any choice of username?

Make something up. Where are we?

- "BossSexy."
- Not BossSexy.

- Too late.
- All right, where are we?

- Excuse me.
- Hang on.

- No, excuse me.
- Jack was speaking.

My good friend Jack Rudolph...

...is not a member
of the board of directors, I am.

And I'm sure your parents
are very proud, Ted.

But Jack's speaking at my request.

There are rules. It's a federal agency.

You're not allowed to say
what the kid said on TV.

There's been two weeks of press that
makes the FCC look as bad as we look.

It's his job to deal with them.

Either a greatly reduced fine
or please...

...tell me how the world ends
if we do what they want...

...and time-delay the news.

Five seconds. Just do the same...

- Excuse me.
- No, I don't think I will.

Because the only reason
to time-delay the news is...

...so that you have the option
of censoring the news.

A federal agency in wartime...

...censoring live news
because of the language a soldier used...

...when a rocket-propelled grenade
exploded over his head.

This is for an ethics class
at a women's college.

The FCC has assessed your network,
which we own...

...a fine of $325,000 per affiliate...

...for a total of $ 73 million.

What are you going to do about it?

- Not pay it.
- When they say, "Give us our money."

- You're going to say...?
- No.

And what about Macau?

- Macau?
- Yes.

Well, I won't lie to you, Ted.
Macau's a problem.

Yes, it is a big problem.

Sarah Bernhardt starts fronting off with
the FCC. They don't approve the merger.

It's not like you need a chair in economics
to guess which direction the stock price...

I'm not a Bedouin. I like making money
and I've made a lot of it for you.

You can't, you simply can't,
in this country...

...mess around
with news coverage of a war.

I wish this was a fight for ethics.

I wish this was a conversation about
the integrity of the news, but it's not.

It's about preventing ourselves
from being a laughing stock.

Well, I don't feel like a laughing stock.

That's only because you're a moron.

You're backing up what he said?

Yes. Including and especially
your being a moron.

Okay, then neither of you
will mind if we see...

...how much support you have
with the rest of the board.

I move to take a vote of confidence.

A yea vote indicating a desire
to hear more of Jack Rudolph's plan...

...to defy federal regulators.

And a nay vote indicating a desire...

...to explore removing Wilson White
as chairman and CEO...

...and begin a negotiation with the FCC.

- Seconded?
- Second.

All right. There's a motion and a second.

- Wait, Wilson.
- No, let's see where we are here.

A yea vote indicates
a likely trip to federal court.

A nay vote indicates I'm probably fired.

All those voting yea?

All those voting nay.

Yes.

Well, this would seem to me
a good time for a break.

Sorry for calling Atkins a moron.

Yeah.

I appreciate your jumping in
and calling him a moron too.

I didn't wanna leave you alone out there.

I'll try not to do it again.

Thanks.

The arts and leisure section.

Somebody left behind
the arts and leisure section.

Yeah.

What are you thinking?

It's unusual to see the arts
and leisure section in a boardroom.

I agree,
though we should move on from that.

Sure.

All right. So, what do we do now?

What do you mean?

I mean, what's the plan?

I don't have one.

You stood at Studio 60 and you said
we were gonna fight these guys...

...and we were gonna win.

I'm an old man. I don't know
what I'm saying half the time.

- Wilson.
- I'm kidding, relax.

So, what's the plan?

I don't have one. At this moment.

All right.

I can't believe this. All 13 hands go up.

It was about Macau.

I think I'm hoist by my own petard.

I made too good a deal.

Everybody stands to make
too much money from Macau...

...to see it go away.

There has to be a Greek word for this,
because...

Zhang can rescue us.

Zhang Tao can rescue us.

- How?
- By not making the Macau deal with us.

He tells the board he'll go to Time Warner
instead if they pay the FCC fine.

- Why would he do that?
- We'd have to be convincing.

You wanna fly to China?

- He's not in China, he's in L.A.
- How do you know?

The Juilliard Symphony
is playing tonight at UCLA.

- How do you know?
- An article about it...

...in the arts and leisure section.

You can adjourn a meeting
whenever you want, right?

- Yeah.
- Do it now.

Reconvene Friday in Los Angeles.
I have to fly back there right now.

What do you say, buddy?

I already called it.

- Simon.
- Yeah?

- It's Lucy.
- Hi.

- Hello.
- How was your break?

Lovely. Yours?

I was in Mexico. I'm still hung-over.

Tequila?

Not right now, thanks.

Okay. I was asked to work with you
on an angry African Fruit of the Loom.

I have some ideas we can talk about.

What happened to Darius?

He gave it to me.

All right, then. Have a seat.

- I don't want to.
- Just show it to him.

- It's just a voice.
- Let him hear it.

- I don't want to.
- Just do it for him.

Matt's being an idiot today.

Guys, I can hear you pretty good.

Just let him hear the voice.
Listen to this.

- What?
- It's nothing.

Do it. Dolphin Girl.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

Now, watch this. Be my roommate.

Bob, you're gonna like this girl.
Pretty, smart.

Just one thing, she gets nervous
and her laugh is unusual.

- Unusual?
- Leona, come in here.

This is my roommate, Bob.
This is Leona.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Bob.

Leona's a nice name.

Put it up.

You see?

Hey, did you see Luke much
over the holidays? Luke Scott, Luke S?

Hair and makeup tests
and to do him in his hot tub.

Twice? That's a pretty
serious relationship for Luke.

Luke has more romanticness
than you've got in your little finger.

You got it backwards, kitten.
And "romanticness" isn't a word.

I truly loathe you.

I know.

Tom?
You know you're still here, right?

Yeah, I just wanted to get
your blessing on something.

- I was going to ask out Lucy.
- What do you need my blessing for?

Wes wasn't wild
about intramural dating.

Why?

- There were some incidents.
- Okay.

- Not with me.
- I'm sure.

I'm also sure that you'll keep in mind...

...that she's a lovely young woman
who's a guest in our country.

And just got clonked by a guy,
who for reasons passing understanding...

...she was in love with.

So you should proceed
with character and maturity.

- Sure.
- Suzanne!

- Yeah?
- Where's the bid?

- You bidding on something?
- Just for spite.

She's got a lot of people bidding:
HarrietRules, Saved2000, PsalmSam.

Lukes5858, is he still bidding?

He's the last bid, $ 1200.

Twelve hundred dollars
for abstinence people?

Twelve hundred and one?

Do it. And can you find me
some nonprofit organization...

...that does the opposite
of what these guys do...

...so I can donate to them
and make it a wash?

An organization
that encourages people to have sex.

It's L.A., should be able to throw a rock
and hit one.

Excuse me.

- Having a problem with your phones?
- No.

My phones only work
when they're on speaker.

You look hassled. Should I come back?

No, it's okay.
We have to scrap Dracula for May.

- Scrap it?
- Yeah, it's over.

- What happened?
- You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Kevin! What do you need?

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

I brought you
some folic acid supplements.

You wanna take 400 micrograms a day.

- You're kidding.
- No.

Well, thanks. This is great.

I'm a huge admirer of yours, Jordan.

It's how you keep everybody
in suspended terror.

You cultivate an air of unpredictability.

I really don't keep people
in suspended terror.

- I'd like to, but...
- You do.

I don't cultivate
an air of unpredictability either.

- But I like the way that sounds.
- You wanna hear a reality pitch?

Why not?

- All You Need is Love.
- I've got goose bumps.

You gave me the idea
when you mentioned the Beatles.

It's about healing. We show people
making apologies in their lives.

A defrocked priest
meets with his victims.

A man who abandoned his family...

...twin sisters who split over a divorce.

These are just the first three I like
and America's gonna like them too.

- You hate it.
- I love it.

- Really?
- No, I was being unpredictable...

...to keep you in suspended terror.

Jack.

- How did it go?
- A little rough.

All right, don't say too much,
you're on speakerphone.

- Can you take me off?
- I can't.

- Why?
- I don't know.

This is the last piece of news
I wanted to bring you this week.

- What?
- Production in Romania had to shut down.

Dracula? Dracula had to shut down?

- Yeah.
- For how long?

For good. It's over.

- The hell happened?
- Production company ran out of money.

The crew took the equipment.
The cast went home.

The producer moved his family
onto the location...

...a 15th-century castle where,
literally, he pulled up the drawbridge.

- Sorry.
- Hallie Gallaway is here.

Hallie, we just talked 10 minutes ago.
Why didn't you tell me?

- I didn't know...
- She didn't know.

Just like I didn't know
you talked 10 minutes ago.

I was welcoming her to the company.
What are we gonna do about May?

- I don't know.
- That's not the answer I wanted to hear.

- Yeah.
- That was our May sweeps.

- I know.
- How did you let that get away from you?

It was a very competent
production company.

They shut down production.

What would it have looked like
if it would've been incompetent...?

I've got the board of direct...

- What are we gonna fill with?
- This is an hour old, I don't know.

Hallie, you still there?

- Would you like me to step out?
- No, what about your thing?

- When he called, he asked if l...
- Sure.

Hello, Hallie?

- Hello, hello?
- I'm sorry?

What about the show Hallie was just
telling me about? Sounds like an event.

- I don't know very much about it yet.
- Well, learn about it.

The last three times Hallie said
she had a good idea, it was a good idea.

- It was innocent, Jordan.
- Yeah?

I told you, he said,
"You working on any ideas?"

- He was calling to welcome me...
- Your answer should have been:

"Yes, I'm working on some ideas and
I'm excited to pitch them to Jordan."

Well, you write me a script next time.

- Excuse me?
- I said, you write me a script next time.

I made it clear
how I felt about this show.

No, you made it pretty clear how
you felt about alternative programming.

Excuse me, illiterate programming.

Unfortunately, I am the vice president
for alternative programming.

What kind of pitches did you think
you were gonna get?

Pretty bad ones.
- Well, you're in a fix...

...because Jack liked it.

There's another pretty girl at the dance
and this one's not pregnant.

Have a written proposal with
cost breakdowns by the end of the day.

Great. Would you like me to...?

Why don't you get out
of my office now?

She said that?

"There's another pretty girl at
the dance and this one's not pregnant"?

Yeah. It was one of those moments
when you don't have time to react.

She was telling me
how much she admired me.

Next minute,
she challenged me to a duel.

This chick is All About Eve.

Yes, yes, she is. If Eve Harrington
was a network executive...

...and Bette Davis ate all the time.

- It was unprovoked?
- Yes.

- Yes, except...
- What?

I mean, if she took it the wrong way,
I may have implied...

...that I don't have any respect
for her job.

- How?
- I called her...

...the vice president
for illiterate programming.

You think she may have taken it
the wrong way?

And when she asked me what kinds
of pitches I should expect from her...

...I said, "Pretty bad ones."
- Why would you do that?

- Because I'm a bitch.
- You're not a bitch.

Oh, I'm a beyotch, baby.

And she gave me supplements.

And the truth is,
if we make her show into an event...

...it could really bail us out
of the Dracula thing.

What happened with Dracula?

The Romanian crew
made off with the equipment.

The production company
couldn't afford to pay them...

...because the bani was devalued.

- What's a bani?
- One one-hundredth of a leu.

It's Romanian currency,
it doesn't matter.

I have to apologize.
I'm her boss, this is ridiculous.

- Are you gonna finish your fries?
- Yes.

Finally, a budget note.

"NBS would like us to use liter bottles
of soda in the kitchen instead of cans.

This will provide an annual savings of..."
I'm sorry.

That was too stupid to read out loud.
That's it.

- Thanks.
- Thank you. Yeah?

My nephew called this morning.

Against my advice,
he's applying to Northwestern.

Wise young man.

I wanted to get a distinguished alumnus
to write him a letter of recommendation.

- I don't know any, so I'm asking you.
- Is he qualified?

He's carrying a 3.8 at Boston Latin,
he's a merit scholar.

Came in second for a Westinghouse
scholarship and runs marathons.

- What did you have?
- I was president of the AV club.

And played sax in the marching band.

I think you need a letter
of recommendation. You'll do it?

I'll have one of the interns
do it for me, but sure.

- Thanks.
- Wait!

- Whoa, what?
- I do need a letter of recommendation.

Many letters of recommendation.

I should inundate her
with letters of recommendation.

- What are you talking about?
- Jordan.

I should have faxed letters
from everybody:

Spielberg, Clint Eastwood,
Steve Jobs, Sumner Redstone...

...my doctor, my dentist,
my accountant, my mother.

- Your dentist?
- Wilson White.

- Your mother?
- The governor, the interns.

- So she knows I'm good among people.
- You are very good among the people.

Could you send a couple of interns
to my office?

Well, who the hell knows their names?
Anybody.

- This is good.
- I like it for its maturity.

You gonna lecture me on maturity,
leather boot boy?

- I gave the boot back.
- Okay.

- I'm 24-hour maturity.
- Hey.

Where's the bid at?

The last time I checked, it was 2500.

Twenty-five hundred and one.
Did you find any organizations?

Loving More.
A nonprofit organization...

...to promote
the national polyamorous movement.

There's our winner.
Twenty-five hundred and two.

And the apple says,
"I'm not a man, I'm an apple."

And the mongongo fruit says,
"The man. The man.

As in, 'The man took away
my Medicaid,' you stupid prat."

What the hell is a prat?

A git. A plonker.

- Excuse me a minute, would you?
- Yes.

The Husky Gymnast.

My whole routine is chalking up
and trying to get on the bars.

Could be a running character.

Husky Gymnast on balance beam,
Husky Gymnast on pommel horse.

Husky Gymnast does a routine
with a stick and a ribbon.

What else you got?

Trampoline.

- You do trampoline?
- A little bit.

I gave it to you,
that "Fruit of the Loom" thing.

I told Matt and Andy.
Isn't Lucy working with you?

She is. Mary Poppins
is a perfect fit for this sketch.

- But I gave it to you.
- I thought you wanted it in the room.

- I didn't know you wanted specifically...
- You did and you blew it off to Lucy.

- You don't wanna be the black guy.
- That's not true.

I'm not good enough to write for?
Get your head out of your ass.

Yes, sir.

Damn thanks I get for saving you.

Excuse me?

I said, this is the damn thanks I get
for saving you.

You were two hits in the head
away from being nothing.

- Is that right?
- That's right.

Well, lordy, Master Simon, you sure
is good to us field niggas, ain't you?

You should walk away now.

- Hi.
- Hello, Tom.

Did you have a good break?

Yes, thank you.

Good.

Good.

What are you doing?

I'm waiting for Simon to come back.

The men who work here...

...have a very difficult time
focusing on one subject at a moment.

They're easily distracted
by shiny objects.

Would you like to go out
on a date with me sometime?

Pardon?

I asked if you would like to go out
on a date with me sometime.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

I'd love to.

- Thursday night?
- Sure.

Then, my work here is done.

Jack Rudolph.

Pleased to meet you.

- You speak English?
- Yes.

He asked if you enjoyed the concert.

I wasn't here for the concert, sir.

I apologize
for interrupting your evening...

...after you flew all the way from Macau
to see your daughter.

Yes, of course.
You seem troubled, my new friend.

Shortly before the New Year...
Our New Year.

- my news division carried
a live interview...

...with a young soldier
fighting our war in Afghanistan.

During the interview, something called
a rocket-propelled grenade exploded...

...very close to where
the interview was taking place.

- Am I speaking too fast?
- No.

The soldier was frightened
and shouted an obscenity.

Which is a word you're not allowed
to use on broadcast television.

The FCC wants to fine us.

Wilson White and I feel strongly,
very strongly...

...that this is wrong.

- This soldier was in the field?
- Yes.

- I was in the army.
- I know, sir.

Wilson and I want to fight this.

And we need the support
of our board of directors.

Our board is concerned that if we fight,
the FCC will retaliate...

...by not approving our deal in Macau.

And so I'm asking you a favor now.

Man-to-man.

Man-to-man, yes.

Sir, I need you to dump us.

- Good evening, Miss McDeere.
- Hi.

- You're working that thing pretty good.
- I'm sorry?

- You're doing pretty good.
- I do it with weights.

You could just wear a heavier shirt.

I did it again.

I'm sorry, Hallie.
I was awful before, it was inexcusable.

I don't know what got into me.

I'm the leader of a company...

...and all you ever did to me
was come work here.

What you said to me at the end,
I provoked.

Sales loves your show.
So does Marketing.

Let's take it to the next step.

All in, you had a good first day.

If I say I'm gonna do something,
I'm honor-bound to do it.

It's your sense of honor
that I'm counting on right now.

Hello, Kim.

- Hello, Mr. Rudolph.
- Problem?

My father is angry
because I'm giving up the viola.

He says I'm not giving up the viola.

Would you tell him
I just turned 20 years old...

...and in this country, that means
I get to make my own decisions?

Okay.

I told him this wasn't the time
to talk about this.

Yes, improvisational comedy.

I'm leaving Juilliard,
I'm giving up the viola...

...and I'm gonna study
improvisational comedy.

He says,
"Can you talk some sense into her?"

You know, your father and I
were just discussing...

Talk some sense...

She wants to do comedy in America.

Do you think it might be possible...

...to meet with Tom Jeter
so he can give me some advice...

...on how to get started?

That was me saying that.

- Tom Jeter.
- She's always talking about Tom Jeter.

Everything American. American clothes,
American music, television stars.

I'm losing my daughter. No, you're not.

You wanna meet with Tom Jeter, Kim?
Have him tell you about life in comedy?

I would be indebted to you.

Sadly for you,
I need your father to be indebted to me.

But this is gonna work out fine
for all of us.

How long are you and your family
in town?

Until the end of the week.

You feel like going with Tom
to a dinner honoring Harriet Hayes?

Are you kidding me?

Translate, please.

I'm gonna say good night now, sir.

I hope you'll think about my problem.

But while you do, I'm going to fix yours.

You'll have your daughter back.

Man-to-man.

Can you pack me up?
I'm gonna work at home.

Sure. Harriet's coming up.

Keep her waiting a few minutes. I don't
like her thinking I'm so accessible.

Matt?
I came in one of the other six doors.

Fine.

A Columbia University study tracking
the sex lives of 12,000 adolescents...

...between 12 and 18 years old
over a five-year period...

...found unsafe sex much greater among
those who signed abstinence pledges.

Because while they were being taught
to say no, nobody taught them about...

...sexually transmitted diseases and how
incredibly easily they can be prevented.

I'm sorry.
I nodded off while you were talking.

Are you coming to see me
get this thing?

- What thing?
- I'm being honored at a dinner...

...by Catholics in Media.

- I didn't know about it.
- You wanna come?

It's Thursday night,
I'm gonna have to work.

Okay.

I saw your first draft of "Dolphin Girl."
It's gonna be great.

- I'm really quite something.
- Yeah.

- Harry?
- Yes?

Do me a favor, huh?

Next year, if you're gonna go
to a New Year's Eve party with Luke...

...pick one where you guys aren't gonna
run into, like, every person I know.

You grabbed me during a show...
The Christmas show.

- and kissed me.

And then it was like it never happened.

Guess what, cubby.
Pick a gear and stay in it a while.

- Anything else?
- No.

- Thursday night? Wish I could be there.
- So do the Catholics.

- Suzanne!
- Yeah?

How did...?

Never mind. Where's the bid?

- You're not gonna like it.
- How much?

- Four thousand dollars.
- Are you...?

Is this dinner with Harriet
and Ava Gardner?

- Four thousand and one?
- Yeah, and...

- Four thousand and two to the sex people.
- Yes.

And could you call my parents and see
if I can have my allowance again?

Sim!

- Yeah?
- You wanna get a beer?

I'm downstairs
working on "Fruit of the Loom."

- Are you and Darius having a problem?
- Not as soon as I'm done with him.

- I don't know what that means.
- You don't have to.

Okay. I'm out of here.

God!

I was wondering if it would be possible
to have time off Thursday night.

Tom's asked me on a date and I just
wanted a moment to shower...

...and change into nice clothes,
and then the date.

I could come back here after.
He appears to be a gentleman.

- He is.
- And very cute.

I really can't speak to that.

- Can I have time Thursday night?
- Yes.

Matt?

- Hi, Luce.
- Hi.

I was just coming
to ask Matt for Thursday night.

Well, I was here to go over,
to correct my spelling, my grammar.

To go over a sketch.

I was asking for the night too.
Thank you.

- I guess you asked her out.
- Yeah.

Well, good.

I've never seen her smile before.
That was nice.

- Thursday night.
- Yeah.

Excuse me, Tom.
Jack Rudolph's office just called.

He's in a car on his way here.

Says you're not to leave the building
until he's talked to you.

- To him?
- To me?

Why would Jack Rudolph
need to talk to him?

I don't know.
Let me go see if I got this wrong.

- Can I go?
- All set.

- And the book?
- Right here.

Good night.

What do you say, boss?

Hello.

Did you get my fax recommendation
for Danny?

Yes, I did, Matt.

Along with 38 others, including
Martin Scorcese, Lauren Bacall...

...and Lord Dickenson,
the Third Earl of Kent.

But did you think mine was the best?

- Is he in his office?
- Yeah.

- You heard of The 48 Laws of Power?
- No.

A guide to accumulating power for people
who've never heard of Machiavelli.

I need to speak to Danny.

"Law 14, pose as a friend,
work as a spy."

"Law 42, strike the shepherd
and the sheep will scatter."

Listen to this one: "Law 17,
keep others in suspended terror.

- Cultivate an air of unpredictability."
- What?

What did you just say? The last one.

"Keep others in suspended terror.
Cultivate an air of unpredictability."

It's the bible of gangsta wannabes
and psychopaths.

You all right?

- Yeah.
- Do me a favor.

Read my recommendation again,
because every word is true.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi, Danny.

What are you doing here?

I... I came to see you.

You're probably wondering how I know
the Third Earl of Kent. It's a funny story...

You have to stop.

This was embarrassing to me, Danny.

Everyone you did this with
now knows that...

This was unprofessional.

You made me look silly
at the worst possible time.

- Jordan.
- The worst possible time.

Between us, we have three marriages,
a DUI, cocaine addiction...

...and a baby by another man.

And I'm your boss.

You asked me out once, I said no.
You asked me again, I said no.

You asked me out again, I said no.

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to embarrass you.

Will you please stop?

No.