Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 9 - Der Rodach-Bonus - full transcript

[Stromberg types.]
Sheer... ne. Umbrella...


[Incoming message]

Good women are like white bread,

crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside,

But when you find a woman like that,

Then you say as a man.
in the prime of life, of course.

"Our daily white bread give us today!"

But bread like this can.

become hard quickly, of course.

And then the baguette
becomes a baseball bat, with which

you hit yourself in the stomach as a man.

And without bread is also crap.

Was I long enough, breadless....



Boah, please tell me
this is a pizza or a porno!

Both, provided
you mean this!

I have no time for that now.

Is a damage report from Rodach.

It ended up in our
in our accounting department,

but has not yet been
not yet audited by you.

No more with
Feet up and Rock'n Roll, wa?

Are horror weeks in the CAPITOL ey.

It's your own fault. Boss sucks,
you knew it before.

Oh sweet!

So that he
doesn't forget the mistress.

Dude, you are stuffy.
Half a year left,

then there will be a baby carriage
and a garden gnome.


Don't you want to
have a look at it first?

There's always something nice from Rodach,
if it's fast.



- Here.
- Yeah gross.

Hey, why don't I get one of these?

Look, there is the child already!

Or is he a promotional gift
from Caritas?

Leave it...

put up for adoption--

I have to move on now,
here, done.

All right, boss.

Sorry, Mr. Chief.

- Bye...
- Bye!

Mr. Chief.

[Tanja] We have decided.

Against artificial insemination,
For adoption.

At first we thought
of foster parenthood,

[both] but Ulf doesn't want that.

Nah, seriously now,

such a foster child, who once had
and then given away,

that must be a warning.

He is afraid that a foster child
will stab him at night.

Yeah, it was like that in the movie the other day.

- That was a horror movie.
- Yes, based on a true story.

we want an adoption now.

It may take some time,
we know that.

But we have inquired

And from age, income and so on,

we actually fulfill
all conditions.

Wow, what is this?

Here, it's for sale,
the apartment.

Mrs. Runkel had to go to a home.

She is a bit smelly,
but otherwise she is nice.

So, the apartment.

The Mrs. Runkel, too,
so the nice thing.

Do not muffle.

She wants to sell everything now
and I help her.


Youth group
I am not allowed to do now.

And what is Fubolei?

Fubohei u. Eibakü.

- Fubohei...
- U. Eibakü.

Underfloor heating and fitted kitchen.

Is really nice,
You can make something out of it.

unfortunately not afford.

Ah, there is the light of my loins!

And the Mrs. Schirrmann!

He is again more pissed off
than a bucket of milk.

Tell me, did you inform
with his community there?

He is always saying something like that.

He's always talking tin.

What do you think about
of Pilleplitsch?


And the fire dragon,
cartoon, comes to the cinema.

You want to watch
watch an animated movie?

No, but Helge!

I would buy Helge a cinema,
with popcorn and so,

then we two could
once again two hours...

I just want to spend
spend a little time with you.

I do not exist
without a child.

Oh God, the sentence is true
on so many levels.

And you
don't get any of them.


I have to go up now...


Guess where I'm going on Tuesday?

Guess where I'm going Tuesday?

- How now?
- Yes, they called me too!

- What do you mean, they called you too?
- Yes, and I think it's great!

I wanted to take
Spritti with me.

Because I thought,
you are not so interested.

How now, what are you talking about?

Well, tuning fair.

Rodach got VIP tickets,

with guided tour, test drive, and...

And what are you talking about?

Tosic called,
they've lost a couple,

we can now already on Tuesday
to the consultation.

Now don't tell me you'd rather go
to the fucking car show.

You know how long we have to wait
have to wait at the youth welfare office!

Yes, but tuning fair
is only once a year,

and to the youth welfare office
we can still in two months.

Or do you think,
then the children are all gone?

[Phone rings]
Are you mad now or what?

Nope. Have fun!


Oh yeah, great...

[Ulf] So, 'ne 20-year-old in a bikini,
who lolls on 'a hood,

against such 'ne 50jährige in the office chair,

who is looking if she can
can entrust me with a baby?

The job here
never has advantages,

but when it does
one should take advantage of it.



I am the boss after all.

So, here. Instead of appetizer.

Where did you come from again?

- Coupon?
- Nope!

This is a very good coupon!

An evening of your choice
with Bernd and Helge.

For me
family is the be-all and end-all.

Yes, thank you!

For others rather
P and S the be-all and end-all.


Nix, that was against me,
but she can't tell jokes.

I still don't understand.

Yes, I PS, he family, she pissed.

Well, if you rather
want to go to a car show--

Boah ey! How many times?

Ulf, remember,
Family also means renunciation!

I am not hungry anymore.

I'm just learning too.

And not even that fast.

You should come up,
Tremmel is standing in front of your office.

Ei, ei, ei, not a good sign!

And you too, he said.

Nah, come on, I'm here in the middle of the--.

- As fast as possible he means.
- Nah

Yes, it is!

- Sweet.
- Yes, ne?

A little heart.

[Tremmel] Do you have payments
for excessive damage reports

[Tremmel] at Rodach?
And received gifts in return?

Nah, so...

What does excessive mean?

[Tremmel] Did you receive any gifts,
yes or no?

Yes, but I didn't want to go there at all
to the tuning fair.

[Tremmel] Have you never heard of.
heard of compliance?

That can be
be construed as a bribe.

Yes, but it was not like that.

Besides, I didn't know that...

[Stromberg] That's what we in Nuremberg
also always heard.

In the processes.

Under control I also imagine
something else, Mr. Stromberg!

If my trust
is trampled with such thick feet,

then I must say--

This is not the subject!

You are the topic, Mr. Steinke!

This may result in criminal charges

and then you are out of a job.

What were you thinking?

Until the circumstances are clarified, everything runs
through you, Mr. Stromberg!

And you
give them separately to Controlling!

What a mess this is!

Yes, I would say so, Ulf.
A mess.

Now wait and see.

[Bert] Yes Ulf, there you can see,
how it is,

when something is taken away from you,
where you hang on.

Get lost!

Without Mrs. Runkel I would not be allowed
I would not be allowed to do anything in the municipality.

I complete idiot, why

do I tell the boo bitch
that they give me things?

[Bert] She is nice, Sabine.

- Oh, Ernie!
- Oh Tanja!

You should not have
should not have accepted the things first.

Thanks for the top tip, Mrs. Clever.

Look, the Triesetau

from the board, he has also embezzled
embezzled something,

nothing happened there either.

[Bert] Yes, it did, it came to the East.
Saxony-Anhalt. Half salary.

And you already have a
a big warning, Ulf.

- I'm screwed.
- [Bert] Mhm.

- Completely fucked.
- [Bert] Yeah...

Because of such a shitty
stupid car show,

where I didn't even want to go,
they saw me off!

[Bert] Mhm!

And adopt
we can also forget for the time being.

- [Bert] Yes...
- [screams] Now get lost Ernie!


[Stromberg] Well, how is it?

Did you actually like the voucher?

Because then we could make today
make such a nice threesome.

You, me, Helge...

Och, you are not serious.

Yes, mini golf.

What were you thinking?

You, Ulf is your deputy.

He is totally at the end.
You don't report the whole day

and now
playing miniature golf.

I did not know that you are so thick
with Ulf. Does Tanja know that?

Stop it now.

The chickens are not
laid by the eggs.

Ulf has got himself
got himself into this mess.

- Not me.
- You had nothing to do with it?


Did you check the Rodach
the Rodach things?

That would have been your job
or not?

You have not even
not even properly briefed.

It all happened
between the door and the corner.

Like everything with you.

And that Ernie is not allowed
is no longer allowed to lead,

is also
on your head.

Will this be a job interview
at the inquisition?

Most people here think you are
a complete asshole.

Just me...
Always thought, kind of...

All your fuss
and fuss is all just for show.

And behind it, in principle, is a...

quite nice guy.

One who tinkers vouchers and the

is looking for someone
who loves him,

where he can drop the act.
But you know what...

The better I know you,
the more I believe,

the nice side,
that's the show.

And behind it is really simple...

just 'asshole.

Women are like woodworms,

They eat you up from the inside.

Not that we misunderstand each other,
I respect women.

I have the utmost respect for women.

As an idea.

As well as the police.
But that does not mean,

that I let them
everything from them,

if I am innocent.
Yes, I am!


Well, I have to say...

Terrorists, Hitler, investment bankers,

they are all assholes.
But I am not!


- Ernie, don't hang everything--
- This is Mrs. Runkel's apartment!

And these are the things
that she wants to sell!

Yikes, an elephant foot umbrella stand!

Yes, and a roman pot,
and an electronic drying hood...

What's that going to be?

Ernie is doing stone age eBay.

A callus rasp.

Baldy, stay here for a while, that fits.

Uh. Children! Hello!

Just for a second.

As you have noticed,

the Ulf has a little trouble,

yes, and I...

I just wanted to say, for the trouble

I take
the fullest responsibility.

I repeat:
The fullest responsibility!

I repeat again,
I take the complete...

Ulf on my cap!

There. Thank you.

Meal time!

[they are laughing and talking.]

Tell me, was that
not right, or what?

Go ahead,
I'll be right there.

Asshole... Is called first,

and then I do
and still nothing comes from you?

Did you think
that I undress with enthusiasm,

because you say,
"I'll take the Ulf on my head?"

What does that mean anyway?

again just blah blah.

- So, come here.
- Are you crazy?

Mr. Tremmel?

- Mr. Tremmel!
- Mr. Stromberg?

Right, very briefly,
I have the whole...

Ulf again thought through,
and that was certainly also my mistake.

Good, but we don't have to
clarify here.

Yes, I want you to know
that I bear all the consequences.

The Ulf Steinke

is a tiny stone
in a huge gear,

Mr. Stromberg, perhaps
we can discuss this in peace--

I will give you this
in writing as well.

For the large distributor

and I just wanted to
to inform here already.

- Meal.
- Meal time, Mr. Stromberg.



[Stupid bitch,
she told it all around.

[What do you think,
why Sabine is called Sabbel?

"I just told it to Gisela,
because I think it sucks,

that only the bosses get something."
My ass!

Now such a fucking punishment--


Boah ey, this stuff stinks!

These are smoking men
from the Erzgebirge from Mrs. Runkel!

Wooden senior pokers.

What's that smell?

These are smoking men
from the Erzgebirge!

Do you now here
a flea market, or what?

Here look,
for Stromberg.

- Ten euros.
- Yeah, you too.

you can jump this.

He has gone to such
for you.

Did he?


He has emailed, with the leadership
in the CC, was his fault,

because Ulf could
nothing for it and so.

[Ulf] That's right,
I can't do anything about it.

Dude, these are mini-Ernies,
how they stink!

Now, come on,
clean the shit back there,

but not here.

Robbie Williams for example,

I never know, do I find
good or totally silly?

Or uh... Skirts.

I have one,
where I mostly think,

that is actually not for me.

But when I wear it then,
I think it's actually pretty good.

And Stromberg is such a rock, too.

[Bert] Nah, that's my bag!

[Ulf] Open the window,
it stinks here!

This is private!

- Cute, isn't it?
- What do you want for him?

Ten euros.

Nah, he stinks too.

[Bert] Stinks, ne?

This back and forth.

Is driving me crazy myself.

I am so annoying myself there.
And I think,

Stupid cow,
Just make up your mind!

This all stinks around here...

But I'm not just pregnant,

I'm also still fish,

And the

Are like this anyway...

Very weak in decision making.

He who no longer loves
and no longer errs,

let him be buried.

Goethe. Beautiful, ne,
she just gave me.

It's a long story,

but he was a hero
and I was stupid.

Don't you smoke?

I also want to quit right now
because of Walter.

- Forget it!
- Who is Walter?

Over my dead body,
no child I have is called Walter!

Well, my father
was called Walter Ferdinand Stromberg,

- and he would be proud if--
- Nah!

I didn't know that,
how far are you then?

10th week.

Well, still a bit early
to congratulate

- Why?
- Well...

You congratulate only after 3 months.

You should know that,
with all the pregnancy books.

In a month, the mumble and you will bring
but gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Oh, the Nübel has asked me,
to give you this.

What is this,
Fan mail!

Do you actually have children?

Two girls,
they are just entering puberty.

They don't tell you that
in the pregnancy counseling.

That a few years later the daughter
Wants to have parties.

What's wrong with him?

[Wilhelmi] I don't know,
I don't know what it said.

Oh, shit!

Look, here it says "until
final clarification of the facts".

But here "decided,

To withdraw from you until further notice.
to withdraw the overall management!

That can also mean that--.

That they put down a dick
or dig out the Becker again.

[Jennifer] Nah, I think
the Becker has burnout.

[Stromberg] Where do I sit then?
With Ulf in the wastebasket?

No pig can suspect that,
that if I write to them,

they will put the responsibility
the responsibility.

Well, I thought that was great,
that you gave Ulf the--

Yes, of course!

There I have a lot of it.

If only I had not
listened to you.

So now wait a minute.

You came with all the chatter
in the first place!

Poor Ulf, my ass
and what an asshole I am,

and I'm fidgeting around here,

to become
as you want me to be.

Now it's my fault, or what?

Yes sure, who else?

And why, everything only
because of this Goethe rag here!

Otherwise it's flute beeping anyway!

[mimics her] I have the Helge,
I have here blablabla...

Then I'd rather go to the whorehouse!

Because Nübel does not
no rope out of it.

- If he would say, I'll come with you...
- Go to the whorehouse.

And because of you
he writes me such shit!

[Ulf] I'll buy
a Starwars mask

[imitates Darth Vader]
I'm your father...

Is this all safe yet?

Nope, but it said
we meet all the requirements.

And we are quite far ahead
on the waiting list.


What'n going on here?

We were just at the appointment
because of the adoption, and

our child can come.

Just because I lied to the old lady,

we would have 'a stable partnership.

Anyway, I felt like celebrating.

And Jennifer is not there, is she?

I have not seen her
seen today.

He probably gets
a sip, right?

If Lurchi hadn't saved my ass at the Nübel
would not have saved my ass,

then we would not have
"all the conditions".

- [Ulf]So here's to Baby Steinke!
- [all] To Baby Steinke!

[Bert] Jennifer called this morning
called, she stays at home.

Why didn't she say,
but I don't care.

[Stromberg] Did she find anything
good, here, of the things?

The incense smokers.

Nah, I need something bigger.

The elephant foot umbrella stand.

I don't have it here,
but I have a photo.

Here, this is made of real elephant foot.

Nah, I need something bigger.

[Bert] All mixed up, because Ulf
said, not on the bulletin board.

[Stromberg] I have really
really screwed up.

Yeah, I did once.

So, with the Mia last.

And at that time,
with my little carrot.

That was the dumbest thing
thing I ever did.

And now I don't have one.

And not having one
is the worst thing you can have.

Is all beautiful.

Earlier I thought office is the roast

And private is the vegetable.

Where you say, come on,

can be omitted,
it's just a side dish.

In reality
Jennifer is the roast.

And the Walter and the Helge,
they are all roasts.

And this place
is not even vegetables, but just

I'll say.

That's what I'm going to tell Jennifer.
Nails with heads.

Here, watch it!
With our heads.

I made it myself,
beautiful ne?

One family with two different
Apartments is also nonsense.

And that's why...

I can't reach Mrs. Runkel.

But I left a message on the tape
that you are taking the apartment.

But only if Jennifer
also finds it beautiful.

And Jennifer's face
you can already look forward to.

Shall we put that in?

Because I left my car yesterday
at the pub yesterday.

Here, the Mrs. Runkel, ouch!

Mrs. Runkel, yes,
my boss takes the apartment!

Mrs. Runkel, I'll take the apartment!

Nah, he has no pets.

Only a woman, but she is
not loud. I think.

Wait a minute...

Umbrella, glad you called!

- Child--
- On the way to you.

- Another child, but not finished yet.
- Yes, you say first.

Nah, don't worry, Mrs. Runkel.

I don't know what they
want to keep from the furniture.

You keep the antlers, I know.

Oh, not the wild boar?

Yes, I'll ask right away.

Mr. Stromberg, do you have any use
for a boar's head?

Frau Runkel has 'n pig's head.

Mr. Stromberg?


And a pull-out couch,
they could make a good price

she says,
because it does not move out!

She has lost him... she says.

The Walter.


I'll call you again in a minute, Mrs....

I'll call you again later!

[Stromberg cries]