Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 7 - Cheyenne - full transcript


[both laugh]

♫Sleep child, sleep♫.

♫Daddy was a good boy.
He drinks another bottle of beer♫.

♫And you get this cuddly toy♫.

Tell me, did you
the whole store empty?

It is not dangerous plastic,
I have inquired specially.

He can just chew on it.

[speaks with mouth full]

Here, delicious car, today we have
in the canteen instead of schnitzel.

Do you want some?

So a child is like a pyramid,

that's still there for a long time,
When the Pharaoh is already hopping.

But so 'n child is ultimately
much more alive and beautiful

than such an old pile of stones.

I am really happy.

[hums to himself]

You, you, you,
gutschi gutschi...

Where is the daddy?

Here! [laughs]

And through such a child
you become much younger yourself.

I can see that already now,
although it's not there yet.

[cell phone rings]
Chief rattle tape...

[squeaks and rattles around]

[amuses himself with the squeaking part]


- That fits great!
- Huh?

Where just
my washing machine died.

The fucking garage, 500 euros

For brake fluid,
pads and blocks.

I'll give you the blocks, here!


Let him pick you up
pick you up with the rickshaw.

What do I do with two children,
when something like this happens?

All right, but I mean, this....

My ex always pays only,
when he is funny, and

work here
I can also forget for now.

Yes, but the fat one from 'm household

even has three brats and works here

- The Kessler, or who do you mean?
- Yes!

The kids are in their early 20s!

No halfway jobs here!
no supervision, nothing!

Well, daddy is still there, isn't he?

I have no desire
to be dependent on two men.

Yeah, me neither.

That's why I want to make the store
more child-friendly.

I have been on the Wilhelmi's
on the sack.

Mothers are worse off here
than blind people.

We have three of them,
half the switchboard!

Uh, yes, hello?

[Ulf] Have you ever done
done annual balance sheets?

Ulf, I told you
that makes the face fair

and the things...

Yes, but Monte is on training
and Ariane is sick,

I told you, and now?

It should be there by the end of the month.

[Stromberg lets the rabbit
grating laugh]

That was obvious. Stromberg
you can rely on...

Papa will do it,
works out great. Thank you.

Oh, Ulf!

Only a bit bigger than a gym bag,
but sound like a big one.

[Bert recites a poem.]
More dangerous than a rifle.

is quite often sexual intercourse.

I thought I'd do it like a rap.

Because they like it in the youth group.

I still need a rhyme for herpes.

[Jens: I don't know
if this is a good idea...

We once did something
in St. Francis,

about Aids in Africa, ne?
So on "Ten Little Indians".

- That was really trouble.
- [Stromberg] What are you doing here?

- I'm replacing the printer cables.
- I'm on break.

Jens is also engaged in Christian work

and he helps me with the community side.

I'm doing sex education there now.

And she's doing something about anorexia,
or what?


Listen, annual balance sheets
do you have?


Yes, but Ulf
is in a fix there--

- The Doof has taken my cross!
- Yes, then do it for me--

- Nah, you don't do--
- That was not a suggestion!

- No! And no means no with E!
- Say--

- I also find that one--
- Oh the cable monkey too or what?

So, and now more than ever.

[Silence, a telephone in the background]

I know it sucks,
but we can't get around it,

that everyone also
about the annual balance sheet.

I understand that you are angry,
but what should I do?

[Lehnhoff] Yellow pages? Ask someone
who knows about it?

If you still have budget
in the drawer, bring it here.

Otherwise shut up!

And there he is, the good fairy,

who fulfills our little Ulf
a wish fulfilled.

From Monday there will be offspr... er,

Someone is coming,
whom many still know.

- Namely the ma...
- Nah, ne?


- Maja, the Maja Decker or who?
- Yes!

Maja, the chaos bride, who has--

Two children, Ulf.

She was late every day--

So that's typical again.

On the one hand you want to have children yourself,
but do nothing for them,

who already have children.

Now what does that have to do with anything?

[Stromberg] Yes, do you think it is easy
for single parents?

Do you think they are all Buddhist women,

who are waiting to have it
to have it nice in the next life?

- I think it is good.
- You don't know them at all.

No, but that something is done here
for single parents.

They are overstrained.
You don't have to wonder about that,

if you find the children
in the freezer.


The Stromberg is like Lassie.

Like Lassie with a beard.

I used to be so moved
I used to be so moved by him,

when he tried
to help the people.

Stop in his own way,
Stromberg is like that, too.

He also can't
express it properly and...

But he also wants to
often do something good.

And then I always find him so...

And what do you think,
what else I do...


I always have a heart then,
that is so soft.

Like a really old banana.

[she takes a breath]

Yes, where is he, Uncle Bernd?

Let it be, she'll be crying soon.

[Bert] Babies are like pigs.
So, from the head.

From the inside of the head.
They understand a lot more than you think.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Oh, hi!

- I heard you're the boss now!
- [Stromberg] Yes, break boss.

- How's it going?
- Good, sorry I'm late,

and here with her, but

Mr. Stromberg said
that would be okay if I bring her.

Well, in the long run you should
think about a solution that--

Pillepalle, we'll figure it out.

- [Tanja] Oh God, she's so cute!
- That's the Cheyenne!

Cheyenne? And the other one
is called Winnetou or what?

No, Olaf.
His father was a real square.

Ne quite sweet, yes hello!

Because of the annual balance it would be

if you pull the transactions
from the archive.

Ulf, how should it sit in the shoe box
sit with the child?

Nah, that's all right.

Or? I leave the little one
with you for so long!

Do you have one too?
you always wanted, Tanja?

[Stromberg] No, the sperms of Ulf
need a navigation system first.

Route is calculated,
You have reached your egg.


I'm sorry, I didn't know that.

No problem. Soon we have
a clinic appointment

and that will be fine.

I can really
take it down.

Nonsense, no problem,
we do it up here!

We can practice there.
Look, Cheyenne!

This is Ulf!


That one says to the young people,

Sex is not so important.

Any hamster can do that.
But he can't laugh.

Well, I mean, when you're 14
and wake up with such a hard-on,

it doesn't help if you have
more to laugh than a hamster.

Speaking of boners...

I ripped something from the net.
Here, this is reconnaissance!

[Moaning from cell phone]

- What is... are these?
- It's a gag, hold on....

Here I have the right stuff.

- That I have that is... Phone for--
- Is the porn hotline calling right now?

- Woah!
- Mr. Stromberg?

Because of the year--.
[Stromberg accidentally turns up the volume].

Because of the annual balance
there are problems, I heard.

Oh well, no, Mr. Steinke
had there 'nen sag,

but I have it there now this colleague
this colleague ... so, a colleague.

Not this one, but she is
single... single parent.

Why don't you turn off the dirt here!!!

- Promotion of women is my subject.
- I rely on you!


[Bert does not manage
to turn off the porn]

[finally the strip is off,
Stromberg laughs]

She looks like this
"Who are they, ey!"

[starts shouting loudly]

[Tanja] Don't cry, huh?

Yes, I always react like that,
when she does that to me.

Now leave it!



[Rattling and shouting]

Come here!
[Shouting continues]

It's all right,

I am an instinctive mother.
I think.

Not only because I always
played with dolls,

and father-mother-child
with the neighbor kids.

I'm just a nanny,
by nature.

When I'm somewhere

I see something helpless,

I automatically go "oooh"!

Like Ulf, when he sees breasts,
he makes automatically boah!

[the baby screams at the top of its lungs,
Tanja sings]

♫Good evening, good night.
Guarded by roses♫

What the fuck is this, yo,
guarded by roses?

How should roses
guard anything?

She doesn't understand the text anyway.

Apparently she does, she is crying.

[Cheyenne continues screaming at the top of her voice.]

[Tanja] Cheyenne, yes, it's alright....

Maybe she is crying too,
because she has such a shitty name, ey!

She is blushing, I hope
I have done nothing wrong!

She is crying,
you look like that too.

What's going on here, have we
opened a shrieking room?

Then go to your office,
I'm sure it's quieter there!

You already look totally exhausted.

That's not true at all.

Give me the toad!
Come to daddy,

you screamer!

Have you ever tried
with a bottle?

Dude, I could use one too,
with beer in it!

♫Lalala, Uncle Bernd is here,♫

♫There's no need for the baby to cry anymore♫.

♫How, uh, with the Tanja♫.
[the baby stops crying]

She was totally quiet the whole time.

Nobody says anything,
Babies cry.

Well, if Maja does hers like that,
we're in the clear.

She still has to get used
get used to me.

I am impressed,
you've got it down pat!

Now she is totally calm!

I have this soporific effect
on women.


Hey, you!

[Pötsch] The key data are clear so far,
I would say, we wait

for the annual balance sheets at the end of the month.

But then I would promptly
talk about a restructuring.

Something smells funny here.

Oh, that's me.

Yeah, I've been a little
been broken, here.

But is only mother's milk,
practically pure nature.

And nature is positive, right?

- I guess you don't have children?
- In the department, on a temporary basis.

Oh, coming from you, or what?

Women are beating down my doors,
because they want to take their brats with them.

Just because a trulla from the archive
keeps dragging her baby along.

- Constantly is now nonsense--
- It comes from you!

The goal is to make CAPITOL
more child-friendly.

Then one more clown per department?

[Stromberg] Women are just
no clowns, but people like...

Like men, practically.

Did the Nübel give his blessing to that?

Not in life,
we already had something like that.

He threw the octagon out.

I wouldn't start with something like that.

It is possible to burn
burn all your fingers.

Very tricky thing.

Better to take something small home
from the office than

a shot from home to the office
to the office.

[all laugh]

I also told Mr. Steinke,

that must remain an absolute
exception baby.

Otherwise it will quickly become
a warning baby.

[all laugh]

Admonition baby, glorious.

I had sent that to them, though...

Like, what kind of a warning,
for me now or what?

Ulf, now drive 80, I just say,
if the Nübel makes trouble.

Then you say I made a mistake,
will not happen again--

- You took the Maja.
- It's not about the Maja!

And that about the baby
comes also from you.

You also have to take responsibility,
if you don't take the soup yourself...

Then you take
the very big spoon and say

give me the soup.

And what do you call that?

Nix soup. You set it

and told her
she can bring the child.

What do you think,
who the Nübel then believes?

Then you slurp the thick soup,
but through a thin straw.

Mails can be tracked!

Yes, they are all
stored in the central computer.

- Uh, nonsense.
- Just take your chances,

but I do not apologize
to the Nübel.

Why am I leaving,
this is my office. Get out of here.

You have a dent
in the car...

[clears throat]

[closes door noisily]

[Stromberg] Well, you two?
Still catholic fuck round?

- It's about enlightenment!
- I think that's great.

No, really. Maybe
come across wrong. In principle

I find both good.
Knickknack and church.

If I can help you,
you let me know. Also 'a potty?

[both] Yeah, okay...

I think that's great,

that you help Ernie
with his church stuff. Hats off, honestly.

I also had once
a thing with mails, right?

So if you have sent them,
they are gone.


- In the company, I mean.
- Yeah, me too.

They are stored on the central computer

But I mean, you

could make them disappear, couldn't you?



Theoretically, yes.

Practically I would be
my job, which is already shaky.

If I take down the data,
I get into hot water

You build careers like a church.

Start at the bottom, as wide as possible,

then you go higher and higher,

because only at the top it's bimbam.
That's where you have to go.

And to get it done, peasants were
Peasants plundered and wars were waged.

No consideration for the common people.

So with war, church
and career everything is allowed.

[The baby cries again]

- What's that?
- [Tanja] Got me

didn't keep still!

I think she is psychologically
somehow strange.

- She is half a year old!
- But that can't be normal!

[Ulf] Look at that,
I'm already sick of this job anyway,

I don't need child's poop
on the invoice.

I'm going crazy ey!

- Can I talk to you for a moment?
- Sure, of course.

It's just my wife.
And the Cheyenne.

- We can go out, though.
- Yes, please.

[the baby continues to cry]

[Tanja impatiently tries
to calm the crying baby]

This is for the community!

This is... Och!

Not uh, make there, that!

[Error message from computer]

[Baby cries, phones ring]

This is for the youth,
who are not here now...

- What are you doing, Ernie?
- I'm just watching this out of interest!

[Did you talk
with the one from Controlling?

She was super happy,
that she can bring her child.

She is having trouble with the
Trouble with the daycare center.

- I should say thank you--
- Shit!

I said,
I'll shoot something for you... for us.


But not all the bang here on
Little children come!

But you said,
that the CAPITOL is more child-friendly--

[cell phone rings]

Mr. Nübel!

What, the Steinke?

The Steinke said,
I would have allowed the Maja Decker...

That is of course 'ne impudence,

[Stromberg] Mail traffic.

My mail traffic, or what?

Tracking, is it necessary?

Sure, yes...

If you think so, gladly,

no problem.

Yes, bye, Mr. Nübel!

Oh, Nübel...

Asked what it was like....

What I'm doing...

plan to do... And so...

Well, how is it?

I have to come back in first.

Has anyone ever asked you
how you got the job?

Nah, but if,
then I say in any case,

How you stood up for me.

- Would have thanked you again anyway--.
- I wouldn't.

Don't mention me at all.

It is best to say that Ulf did it.

He is struggling,
boils only with thin water,

I with thick cream,
that comes up better.

In this respect, he can use it,

- Ulf.
- Na Cheyenne,

the Ulf?

The Ulf.


Watch this for the mails....

- As I said, I can't.
- Yes, but must.

- You are so Christian on the way.
- What does that have to do with it?

Charity? Jesus says, ask not
and it will be given to you?


- What, what?
- Yes, what will be given to me?

The restructuring with you,
that can also run for you!

Nah, I'm not that good.

That doesn't matter.
Jesus made fish out of bread.

So I guess I can make you
area managers.

Is this about performance somewhere?

Nope. It never is.

Or do you think Lazarus
was more dead than the others?

He was just at the right time
at the right place.

Dead. And therefore
Jesus raised him up.

And you are my Lazarus!



Such building blocks, we had to
used to marvel at ourselves!

Why is she so quiet now?

I don't get it,
this is so unfair!

I've been trying so hard.

I guess we just found something
where he's good at.

Spontaneously I would think of
I could think of a few other things .

[Maja] This strange guy called.
Bucket or something.

- I'm not allowed to bring them anymore.
- Nübel or what?

Maybe that is why I am not allowed
I am not allowed to come at all.

- That is not allowed and never has been.
- I don't believe it!

But this is a doll,
one must say.

Great thing, isn't it?

What is it?

The mickey has given me
a warning!

- Because of scientific...
- [Stromberg] knowingly.

Knowingly false statement!

Well, you also sometimes talk
12 meters of bullshit a day.

[Bert howls]
The nübel has... About the pictures...

I got a warning!

Because of the naked ladies,
that was just a joke!

Now they have followed some mails
and saw the pictures.

- And now I get a warning!
- [Ulf] warning letter.

That's awesome, isn't it?

- [Tanja] What's the matter with Nübel?
- [Ulf] I could break.

Employment relationship violated...

[Bert sneezes]

[All are disgusted]

[Bert continues sobbing]

I'm sorry.

Stop it!

[Ulf] "...have thereby fulfilled your obligations.
from the employment relationship violated..."

and then "...if necessary, even.
extraordinary termination without notice..."

[Bert continues howling]

What kind of guy is this bucket, please?


[Bert] Quite bad...

[Toilet flushes]

Tell me,
did you have anything to do with it?


I wonder if you had something to do with it.

With the warnings and the Maja?

And don't give me any bullshit.

I don't get upset,
but tell the truth for once!

Ulf has simply not
not got the hang of it.

My idea with Maja was great.
Like communism.

There the basic idea is also ingenious,

but everything is of no use,
if a Honecker organizes it.

And as for us,
that is not done by Ulf,

but the daddy,
then that also runs. I have to go again.

- Morning!
- Morning.


Old Swede.

Honestly, computers are for me

a bohemian village.


I will be glad
when I find the on switch.

I know my way around a little bit,
and this is a very good man here.

Mr. Schliedmann. Very helpful,

very competent,
Christian committed...

That would be something for the head of IT.

He seems very nice.

Very nice, yes.

Yes, good idea, Mr. Stromberg.