Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 5 - Die Konferenz - full transcript

You didn't even call!

I wanted to,
but the fucking battery died.

Don't be so mad!

Don't be mad, I am pregnant!

Have you figured it out yet?

Yes, sure!

Nothing comes from you!

Yes, of course!



This is definitely
no basis for a child!

what would be a basis for you?

- Love, for example?
- Hey, love...


Love, I mean...

- Morning!
- Morning!

Love can look different...

like chairs.

Who decides,
what is a chair or a stool,

Stool, armchair, seat
The main thing is that the ass feels comfortable!

Ass now in the sense of...

You know!

Yes, I know.

I don't mean it like that.

You throw me pregnant
from the anteroom

because I am not
for the colleagues!

Doesn't get better
if I am fat.

That was not the point!

I already know,
it's always about you!

- That's yes--
- Of course!

Or did you decide against the job
and for me and Helge and a baby?

Why not?


Helge and I are like that!
Was that the Becker?

Who traipsed along there?

What is that pumpkinhead doing here?

Wait a minute!

Fine, that you are well again!
About your return--

Do not be hasty, who comes too early,
life punishes him!

Mr. Becker, nice!
When will you be back?

[Becker] I hope soon!

I could go back to the symposium!

- Who?
- Good suggestion!

According to the developments
it is good to be there!

- Where?
- Right.

I am accredited and scheduled.


Annual conference
of the German insurers.

The most important conference,
you should know!

Of course!

Good, so that outwardly clear ,

that we continue to count on you!

Very well, thank you very much!

I will get back to you!

That one didn't look good!

Like a wrong-way driver.

- My--
- Didn't think so.

Nope? A little bit already?

Don't worry about Mr. Becker,

for your future the functionality
of the claims settlement is important!

And there is currently
still a lot of air upwards!


- Like this!
- How about knocking!

In my own office?

I don't greet myself in the mirror either!

Did RTL's thickness roll through here?

Looks like a gambling den!

I think it's better this way!

Let's talk again.

Pay attention, here.

is a thick block,
we can't wave it through like that!


Heard it, big lug.

The department is not running that great!

There is still a lot of room for improvement!

Is there nothing
for a refusal to pay?


I don't know, you sit here!

Culpable action, premium default?

Go through documents!

This is your task.

I have to go away this week on business.

We could set a sign!

That they see above,

the claim settlement is going great!

That's what I need... need now,

That we just...

What's going on here?

Oh, because this...
doesn't work?

Kids, it will work out!

Don't let gray hair grow!

Stupid fucks well, he should
go off like a space shuttle!

Ulf, what is it now again?

That was fun!

Are you listening to yourself talk?

This can't just be
about pregnancy.

There are zillions of babies outside,

you do not need
you don't need one now.

Here is only the important--

Ulf, you can't do that!

I filled out a vacation slip!

Because of the youth vacation!

Overtime compensation.

I have 472 overtime hours
from last year!

Rounded off.

I was often still here at night!

Because there was no one at home either.
[Bullet whistles]

Now the accounting department says,

that no human being
is allowed to work that much overtime.

Only by special permission.
[Projectile whistles]

That's not the way to do it!

Permit, I'll get it for you.

No, I won't let
put off by you!

Now really?

Sure! Everything is shit here anyway

and in life anyway.

If you do that
that would be nice of you!


The Ulf...

get this!

I'm already a single parent.

I don't need any more!

You shouldn't!

On my biological clock
it was already 5 past 12.

Or 10 past 3...
Or so.

I counted on that ,

I have to realize that first.

How long do you need?

In 9 months it doesn't matter.

But I decided yes,
you are my umbrella!

Are you still okay?

I've been worrying about this for days!

And you say in the coffee break,
I decided!


Shouldn't we clarify some things?

I want to!

Shall we go to the Italian restaurant?

Tomorrow, for example,
where we have been before?

Table is ordered.


I am such a.

blind cow!


I am too young
for the canteen food here.

Torkele blindfolded.
through life

Confirmed again!

And just grab the first one.

I saw the photos the other day.

From my wedding 12 years ago...


I recognized myself
almost not recognize myself.

I could not remember myself
remember myself at all.

I already know now,

that in 10 years
I will sit there and think...

What were you thinking

I mean.

Bernd Stromberg?


Oh God, turn it off please!
[laughs and cries]

Hello! I am the Bernd!

Name and insurance please!

Stromberg, CAPITOL.

Strom like Brz Brz,
Mountain like Matterhorn and Bernd like....

Bernd Stromberg.

I'm sorry, I can't find you!

I decided on very short notice.

It's like Paris Hilton,

there one more man does not stand out.

And the annual conference cannot
take place without the CAPITOL.

[Receptionist] From the CAPITOL
I have a Mr. Becker.

But the day after tomorrow!

This is practically my replacement.

Like with Pepsi.

Drinks when there is no Coke.

I am the cola,
the Pepsi comes on Friday.

Thank you!

Hello, Schneider!

Good day!

Here you are!

I just remembered something.

You know what I forgot today?


Completely forgotten!

You know what else?

[Ulf] My life is currently.
like a shitty soccer game.

Where after 10 minutes.
it's already 4-0 to the others.

At some point it's raining too,

then the beer is all gone and you know

nothing more happens here,

you might as well go home.

Or I don't know where.

Just that you're not there alone.

The other one wants to
stay until the end.

[Voices buzzing]

The CAPITOL with its best man!

Jens Reiersen, Augsburg!
We were on the phone!


I imagined you
differently on the phone!

I heard in my time
as a callboy!

Great to meet you!

[Reiersen] That was good,
what you said about the index limits!

Already my father said about me:
"Not beautiful, but original!"

[Reiersen] How do you handle it now
after Rostock?


Running as usual.

- Really?
- Yes.

No way!

I didn't believe it! Hartmut!


They do this with the levy

From the head office

and Mr. Becker
with whom I spoke on the phone!

We have to go.

You surely have to go
to the lecture of Dohrenbach?

Don't we want to go to the canteen?

Not hungry.

Or I do something nice at home.

Chicken with white wine?
Like before Christmas.


From me.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself!

You don't have cancer or AIDS,
only slow sperm!

Yes, awesome!

Make a notice!

[Tanja] I also thought differently,
but life goes on!

Must go on!

[Ulf] For you it goes on,
it's not up to you!

You can let yourself be impregnated by some
Wilfried impregnate you!

[Ulf, I have known Wilfried
since the 5th grade!

[Ulf] Yes, that's clear.

I said, he is a doctor!

Maybe he knows who can help?

That's why I'm meeting him!

[Ulf] I would find it awesome,

if wild strangers Wilfrieds
keep out of my sperm!

[Bert] Hello!

Grandpa had only one testicle.

The other one froze to him during the war
in Russia.

He still made
my dad on leave!

I would not let
grow gray thoughts!

I read that horseradish helps!

Let it be!

[Bert] Nah, really! And buttermilk!

I don't think together.

Does not taste nice.

Ulf, that's right!

I don't want to fuck you up,
are you angry?

Now he is evil!

I really read that,
with the buttermilk!

[Dohrenbach] As we know,
the Rostock judgment had

serious effects
on the industry.

And we said we need to consult.

You all know,
the judgment is difficult for us.

We had different results.

We see, we need
a specification of the location formula

and a complete eligibility
of economic own funds!

I will briefly go into the so far known
effects of the Rostock ruling.

and refer here to tomorrow's
lecture by Professor Jakobsberger!

Do we prefer the lecture
of the colleague Becker?

The CAPITOL continues despite Rostock
the pay-as-you-go model!

[Dohrenbach] Really?

Then we would like to bring forward your presentation,
Mr. Becker!

That makes sense!

Wait a minute, I'm just the representative!

[Dohrenbach] That's great!

Tomorrow morning
colleague Becker from CAPITOL to the

pay-as-you-go model after the Rostock ruling.
In the afternoon then Professor Jakobsberger

I gladly showed you
two more case studies on the subject.

[Voices clamoring]

You don't do it anyway
as snore-like as him!

I wonder if I'm doing this at all...

Talking is not my thing.

Silence is gold, after all!

Garbage! With the sayings
which you raushauen

you yak yourself into the board!

Like the Bisplingkamp, HELIOS.
Do you know him?


The opened last year,
that went down great!

After that, he became a division manager.

No joke!
The world is so small after all!

Just with us,

the word gets around, if who is good!

Entertainment-wise I am...

I did the program at our
of the board of directors the program.

With music and so on.
They still talk about that today!

I believe that!

♫The CAPITOL is hollow inside♫

♫And we giggle when we insure♫.

[makes music sounds]

I'm no Einstein now.
of theoretical insurance.

But a Mozart of improvisation!

a real career pig.

Like truffle pig now,
only with a career.

I have a sense of opportunity.

That's what counts!

Success is a question of will.


People like such a Gandhi

or a Merkel, can they what?

No idea. They want something!
That's why they are successful!

Nowadays you have to take every chance!

Even more so as a family man, soon.


"My dad is the boss, whoopee!"

There is also such a child is happy,
when he tells it at school!


That would be already

nice, if that works!

Where are you? We were going to the Italian?

Yes, that was today!

You had practically
ordered a table.

What kind of meeting?

You suddenly drive there

and you have to give a speech tomorrow?

Ulf, I am going home.

How stupid do you think I am, really?

[Tanja] Come after,
when you are done with regrets!

Since he knows
that we will not have a child, he is...

You are welcome to have mine!

Men are so stupid!


[Bert] My father didn't want to buy me
buy me new things.

That's why I wore
my cousins' clothes.

Quite a long time.

My father didn't like me very much.

But my uncle Diethard cared!

He gave me the physics kit as a present

and we went fishing together.

He didn't have any children himself,

but he was my real dad!

The best dad was him!

One has not necessarily to do with the other
not necessarily to do with the other.

Therefore, you don't have to be sad at all.

How you showed me the guitar things

And now the vacation request and everything,

you will definitely be a great dad one day!

With or without children
is not important!

[Ulf] You've got such a big slap!

[Ulf] If you have friends, fate comes to you.
the fate no longer so stupid.

I told Ulf.
He can become my friend.

A real friend!

I don't have so many.

Well, the Kiume in the past.
But he lived in Tanzania.

Was a pen pal.

But the Ulf is not from UNICEF.

He made my overtime compensation,
and I do some of his work.

Doesn't bother me.

Because Ulf is really different
than Stromberg.

[Stromberg] Why do insurance companies
always have lawn in front of the house?

You can throw money more quietly
out of the window.

The biggest windows and fullest hands

always have those from the...
claims settlement.

We know the sayings!
But I'll ask,

who is a fellow sufferer here?

Was also makes damage?

I thought so!

From overweight
do you do field work?

Nice on expenses, always at the counter?

I would not say now
that I am the best,

but I am far ahead
among the top 3!

Just in situations,
where you are thrown in at the deep end

without rubber boat, I am

now not perfect...

but already like a diamond.

Where also people say,

couldn't it be bigger?

But first of all there is nothing
nothing to say


[Stromberg] Yes.

Four times!

And that's how it is, children!


[Dohrenbach] Mr. Becker, could you just

go into our actual topic?

Did I understand correctly,

They practice the apportionments
despite the judgment, as before?

Except for cars and women
new is not always better.


Don't go along with all the bells and whistles.
[Cell phone rings]

Mommy is calling!

"Walter, bring bread and butter!"


What will it be?

I would say.

full success!

I also got some business cards.

Here for example,

Dr. Beate Warmedinger,


Warm things!

[Pötsch] Of course I heard that

and from several sides.

The industry is a cow village.

"We are overriding
Rostock verdict," he told.

Publicly, at the conference!

What does "buck shot" mean?

There he dug his grave
with the very big shovel!

Let's not kid ourselves!

I already had Tremmel
on the mailbox, he is pissed off!

Really pissed off!

Dude, I have to go.
We'll chat later. Bye!

Mrs. Papen... did you hear
anything from the conference?

Was there any trouble there?

I guess everybody heard that!

I mean more in the sense of
Consequences here in the house.

This is such a cheek!

This was a special case.

They say,
Mr. Becker has psychological problems

and lets him give a speech at such a conference
a speech

and gets upset
when he talks nonsense!

The Becker?

[Papenacker] The people can't
with him.

The Becker?

[Papenacker] Now Nübel tells him,
he should not come back soon,

- if at all. Impudence!
- The Becker!

This is really a cheek!

There I could...


Was agreed differently!

Holstein, we pay now, don't we?

This should be a refusal to pay

- Didn't you say!
- I said!

I have youth leisure time!

Ulf made me a special permission!

My tree is on fire, I have to put it out!

If it burns, are you made of asbestos?

Do you think without child
will be easier without job?

Ernie, finish Holstein,
you can leave later!

- We are friends, aren't we?
- Please before closing time!

That's all now...

I stood here like an idiot the day before yesterday!

- Alone!
- I could not!

Look what I bought!


Late Fathers.

Will. Here,becoming a father.

I have read through,
I don't want to look stupid!

You know this,
but I have no idea!

That's enough for the CAPITOL,

but not as a father!

It's great that in your spare time

so interested in it, but

when it comes down to it,
your job is more important to you!

You really can't do that...
Mr. Tremmel!


Yes, with the Holstein we
probably not at all!

Yes, the department runs without the Becker.


I will be glad
if you continue to trust me!

Honesty is the basis for trust!



Thank you!

Will not regret!

Yes, you too!

I will stay here!

I stay here!

There is an extra Tiramisu for you two
today at the Italian restaurant!

They should
a table for us!

Mrs. Papenacker?

- Please 19:30 a table for Stromberg!
- I can't now!

[Stromberg] Say?


What is the number of the Santa Maria?

[Papenacker] I don't know.

[Nübel] But you were
at the conference, Mr. Becker!

[Becker] Not until Friday,
that can be checked!

[Nübel] Take a cure!

Coming back in your condition
is useless!

[Becker] I am in no condition!

Excuse me, I have to go to the meeting!


I can recommend you something!