Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 3 - Frau Wilhelmi - full transcript

Told you so:
One day all this will be yours.

Is this discussed with above?

Sure. Nübel and I we are
so ...

Now you are the pope here.

Vicar of God on earth.

You don't joke about that!

Ow, holy heisterkamp.

- Yeah no, the pope, I used to--
- Shut the fuck up.

I can really put a kicker
in here?

Then I would put out the
chairs out.

Give me a break,

"Rammy armchairs" ... so!

Look, who's there?

Can I keep these?

Yes, sure.

You have devastated enough. He wanted to copy
to copy an open can of Coke.

Oh God, oh God. Is good

with children with you is not going to happen.

What do you say? "Thank you, Uncle Bernd."

Look, from the Bernd.

Watch out with that, ne, Möppel.

His classes are canceled. They have
lice at school.

I didn't know what to do
to do with him.

Just ask Uncle Bernd.

I have a solution. Had to
come up.

I still have work to do.

Then I have to be shot by
shot by my deputy sheriff.


Are you crazy!

Fire at mama!


[Combat sounds]

[Combat sounds]
Resistance is futile!

Will you stop now?

- I can't just--
- Sure!

The grandma has called in sick
called in sick.

I can't do everything by myself.
Telephone and... come here.

The chubby can run around
and doesn't disturb anyone.

You can also leave earlier
or come later.

That's super nice, but --

But, but ... Rhubarb!

Somebody has to approve that,

from the personnel people
or from the board.

Kille ... uh ... fitz. Nübel and I
are so ...

With granny Papenacker I do not
mood like Jesus on the cross.

She is visually 'n Waterloo for
for the whole store.

I'd rather look at something like this.

Just for the view I would have to pay you
pay you well, umbrella.

If I do that, the relationship between
between us is still ... so ...

I mean, it's just professional.

Yes, that is clear.

Professional and private is like ...

Goulash and pudding. You don't put
on one plate.


[Theme music]

Ulf? This is for Stromberg.
Are you getting this now?

Give me the stuff.

The cinturion stuff is
reminded, until next week!

Who knows how long this
is lying around at Stromberg.

Where are
the damage reports on this?

Stromberg must have something in his office
in his office.

Has he still not given you a key?
Did he still not give you a key?

Come on, I'll do it myself.

Let Cheshire Cat do it.


this is Cinturion, next week the deadline
the deadline expires next week.

Would be great if you do it.

Woulda, woulda, coulda.

Would I do, would I have time.

But unfortunately I don't have time.

[Ulf] I was never really
happy about making a career.

Hoeness won't call again either.

and ask if I'm up for it,
to play for Bayern.

Am now also already over 30.

Definitely too old to become a prodigy.
to become a prodigy.

You don't have to be.

What gets on my nerves is that
my wife

and even my buddy...
They're pretending,

as if I can't get anything
get anything done. Bullshit.

I wasn't kidding about Cinturion.

When I make a joke, I say beforehand:
"Do you know him?"

You do it now.

What are you going to do now?


For the certificate of the loser of the year?

You do not hang here seriously
a Lattenjupp here!

Stromberg did not want that,
but he's gone.

I don't want that either, you bucket.
Ever thought of that?


[Jannifer] Ulf?

I go up now and do
the substitution for Papenacker.

Why that now?

Has Stromberg initiated.
Didn't he tell you?

These are damage reports. Originals.

Möppel, I told you
you have to ask!

But they were lying there.
There was no one there either!

This sucks now!

He didn't do it on purpose.


Are you playing Mr. Important or what?

Yesterday it was still "I stay
one of you".

Says the right one, who fucks off
upstairs into the anteroom.

What's the point now?

I do this because of Helge.

It's clear.

What do you mean, "is clear"?

Stromberg does this also because of Helge?

Have a child first, before you
tear your head open.

Yo, leave my mama alone!


Let me go! Stop it!

Stop it! Leave me!

Leave me alone! Leave me!

Stop it!


Open the door.

- Nah.
- Come!


- He is fine.
- Yes. Come here.


Of course it's dumb and.
shouldn't happen.

A paper jam should also
should not occur, but does happen.


Somewhere it just hangs
and then... Splat!

Or you have a short circuit somewhere.


Today would be a good day to start smoking again.
to start smoking again.

A cigar would be best.

Or 'a crack pipe.


The Tanja? With the flat hand?

The Steinke I so case
one on the shelf.

Leave it, it was a little bit
my fault.

I am at the moment anyway ... ah.

I am glad that I can sit
can sit here now.

That's great. What do you say?

Thank you, uncle ...

Bernd. Thank you!

Am I disturbing?

No, we are just...

My new face in the anteroom:

Mrs. Schirrmann from my department.

Mr. Stankowski, head
of the field staff.

Yes. Can we have a moment?

Yeah, sure.

Can you make some coffee?

Mr. Stankowksi.

What is this number again?

Where is the Papenacker anyway?

Yellow garbage can. Off for it.

I could use that,
like an elephant 's second trunk.

Is that agreed with Tremmel?
He was already on 180 the other day!

To me he was quite piano.

Because of your TV shit!

He made me round, I
should have paid attention to you.

And the next disasters
are also on my head.


Mr. Tremmel, meal! Is there still
a cookie free?

Or rather a cookie?

Let's see, what the canteen criminals
have concocted today.


In France they would give
give this to a dog.

He would poison a cat with it.

Apropos, Mrs. Papenacker has called in sick.
called in sick.

How you coordinate your department,
I don't care.


If you approve Mrs. Schirrmann,
I could go to the Nübel with it.

I am not interested in names,
but numbers.

For me it is only about the numbers
that each department delivers.

Are the numbers bad with you,
I don't have to remember your name.

Print and send.

- [Stromberg] Here, Cinturion.
- [Ulf] Power Lehnhoff.

I thought he was doing
the HVK stuff.

Are you playing here now
"right pocket, left pocket"?

There are people missing. The Jennifer is--

I am not interested in names,
but numbers.

What is 'n now with your office?

- I thought--
- Numbers! Ulf!

Oh, here, Backpfeifen-Erna.

Looking again
for a fight?

Watch out, otherwise it will be

Office is like a tube of mustard.

Where you have to press down,
so that something comes out at the top.

The mustard that the boss can add to everything
can add, where he.

can say, "Yum, my mustard."

It's been like that for ages. Since
The first office in paradise.

The only question is:

Are you the tube,

or are you the pusher?


I do not do Cinturion.
I don't see why.

You do it in your sleep.

Yes. Nevertheless.


You said:
"That's 'T' for moron Ernie."

That was 'a gag.

When I said, "This is the cross,
where our Lord died on it."

And you said:
"Our Lord Hilpers?"

That was not meant seriously.

"Ernie smells out of his mouth.
of cat food"?

That was a hundred years ago, okay.

Okay, sorry.


Yes, I don't think so.

Believe it. I swear.
I won't do that in the future.

And you take it back with
the cat food?

And everything else?

Before all!

Just a moment!
Ulf wants to say something!


It's about that again,
how I smell.

[Ulf takes a deep breath]

[Ulf catches his breath]

So, the Ernie,
he smells of roses.



Also under the arms.


The Ernie smells from 'm mouth.
Not like cat food.

I repeat, not like cat food!

At the cross is not
Mr. Hilpers died.

We leave Ernie now
all a little bit in peace.

I mean it.

The Berthold.

The Berthold!

And the Berthold.

Thank you.


I can't play with you,
I have to work.

Don't you have homework
to do?

The Möppel is studying,
with Uncle Bernd.

And today we learn to read.

I can read.

Let's see.
Read it, you rascal.

Personnel requirement.

The transfer of
Ms. Jennifer Schirrmann.

That's what you are!

- Let me see.
- From the nübel. With all the zip and zap.

That's not possible.
How did 'n that so fast--

Because you are worried
because of Stankowski.

I went to Nübel and said:
Nübel, old shit bucket ...

You cover your ears.

I went to the nübel and said:
"Watch this,

Schirmchen is 'ne top force,

I need that, I want that.

This one can, this one does.

What can you do?"

I have also already 'n ass
full of favors.

Now we have to wash out your ears
wash out your ears.

Come here you!


Wash out ears!

Come here!

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.


What do you mean?

Well, you?

[makes honking noises]

[makes honking noises]

Our master was hanging crooked.

Did you make an appointment now?

With Dr. Schüller?

Didn't have any more.

How? Never again, or what?

I have enough other
shit going on,

or did you book
you booked a kindergarten place?

I am not 22 anymore.

I don't have time for bullshit anymore.

Am I bullshit or what?

I need something useful, 'a plan.

Something where my life is going.

Where 's 'n going?

To the canteen, home and
to 'n main cemetery.

- Is this seat free?
- Piss off.

Ulf, Cinturion.

[Bert sings.]
He has the whole wide world.

in the hand.


I might be able to pull something here.

Then it would be cool, if you support me
support me.

And how was it when I could
I could do something here?

Come, Lord Jesus,
be our guest,

and bless what you
have bestowed upon us.

You got another one with strawberry?

Will you trade for applesauce? Thanks.

To count up the old times
is nonsense.

The umbrella man to table one
was not helpful.

Tastes nice.

Will you pass me the salt, Berthold?


Pepper you could also have.

- Ernie?
- Mh?

Why don't you eat something?

Personnel missing at the bottom.

Just when we should finish Cinturion
are supposed to get.

Jennifer has to go down,
otherwise we won't make it.

It is in your interest after all,
if it runs downstairs!

You have the trainee.

He has been here for 3 weeks
and no help.

I need the Jennifer.
I sit alone in the evening.


I saw that you were here.

I wanted to see you too.

That was not right what I
said there.

I still should not have
freaked out like that.

What does he always say?

"Bygones be bygones!"

Yes, with pleasure.

I'll try to get you back.

And I say, this is not going to work.

We need somebody!

Why don't you talk to Nübel?

He is not here.

He is at a training. Personnel
makes the Wilhelmi and gives nothing free.

She makes one on women's issues,

Equality, blabliblub, but
herself a bitch to the power of twelve.


Man, Helge!

[Stromberg] Truth has only.
quite little to do with facts.

Felt truth, that's what it's all about.

There you can also

especially with a woman,
bend the truth.

Like a ... uh ...


"From the mumble! With all the zip and zap."

[Stromberg] I did not want,
to upset you.

You were running around like a headless

You might say you have me.

Now that's bullshit!

When Nübel is here again
the thing runs!

Sure! I wonder if he'll sign that today,

or next week, it doesn't matter!

Everything is new for me here too!

I wanted,

just that there is a familiar
face here.

Somebody who is on my side,

I thought to myself.

It was important to me that

you were here.

Here with me.

What am I going to do with you
you nut?

Love is a feeling like hunger.

So you have that,
and then again not.

Anyway, it's like that with me, kind of.

I don't know, I ...

Anyway, I don't know.
that love exists at all.

If you have to run after
have to run after maintenance

and you have a child and
you have to look,

how to get the everyday life
on the chain, then

love looks different from what you see on
in the television sees.

Mrs. Schirrmann?


Wilhelmi, personnel office, I am
the substitution for Mr. Nübel.

Aren't you downstairs
in the claims department?

Yes, I am, but --

[Stromberg screams
and clowns around]

- Mr. Stromberg!
- Mh?

We are playing vampire.

So not the two of us, but ...

Where is it, the fart knot?

[clears throat]

Mr. Stromberg?

You must learn
to stick to rules.

Good, whereas --.

Anyway, I don't know why
You are actually still here.

I tell you that honestly.

After all what I have heard from you
have heard.

You can't distribute staff
through the house,

without even asking.

Mrs. Steinke complained.

- Oh God, the --
- Yes!

And rightly so.

Mrs. Schirrmann immediately goes back
to her department.

- We are not a kindergarten!
- We don't have one either.

Exactly there the hare lies meter thick
in the pepper, Mrs. Wilhelmi.

Mrs. Schirrmann's boy
has lice.

Where should he go with it?

I can always take off 4 - 5 minutes from my time here.
4 - 5 minutes from my time,

which I rework in the evening.

But I can't ask that from my people
from my people downstairs.

Is that on the "Geschwister Scholl"?


There is my youngest too.

They have closed the whole
Lower School closed.


Mrs. Schirrmann stands alone
like the little man in the forest.

What is she doing with us then?

What is she doing with us, please?

In terms of equality, the...

In terms of equality
the Capitol so far

the Afghanistan among
of insurance companies, honestly.

I find it sad that 'a man
the woman question here

has to ask, and it is concrete:

What does the Mrs. Schirrmann
with her lice-ridden dwarf?

Nevertheless, you can't just--

Women in the workplace are like cancer.

- What?
- I mean that in a positive way!

Starts in one cell, spreads out, eventually
spreads, at some point everything is full.

In the positive sense.

I am here as a kind of primal cell.

Don't always
to all the rules, admittedly,

but it is also not only about ...
uh ...

Not only about our women.

It is also about our children.

About our future.

The women are in the board
have been my topic for years.

The childcare aspect
is perhaps once again a very

new approach.

You see, I also like to do
the forerunner.

Single mothers ...

keep it coming!

Without legs I can still
hop on my butt cheeks.

That's the only way to make a career.

Mh ...

An umbrella can also be
an umbrella.

There is nothing wrong with falling,

it depends on what you fall on.

If you fall on a trampoline, you might jump
higher than you were before.

Or you fall on your back
and break your nose.

Are you doing right now ...

You are not disturbing here. Come here.

What is this?


Did you learn
learned a new signature?

Is from Wilhelmi.

Here, everything flawless, bingo, bongo.


You sit here for now!



... Mr. Stromberg ...

Take a seat,

Mrs.. Papenacker.


Make me a coffee?

Who was that here?

Who took the gentleman
from the wall?


Counting to 3 now,

then the Jesus appears again.



I did it.

I have no desire to look at such 'n
Suffering on the cross.

Who are you?

I am Mrs. F---
[name beeped]

Stromberg has agreed with Wilhelmi
that I help out.

You can wipe the groats
from the cheek.

I do not watch television and
do not want to appear in it.

Let's get this straight.

I don't quite understand yet.

Mrs. F. said that you
sent her.

And you can't do that. Here.

This was in the house mail.

"Ernie stinks, and God is dead."

Who is "Ernie"?

Yes me!

Or rather not me.
That's the point.

I am Berthold.
That's what everyone ...

Now comes the stupid woman, and I am
am Ernie again.

Mr ...

- Heisterkamp.
- Mr. Heisterkamp,

Mrs. F. is a single parent.
I'm putting myself out there,

that these female employees are
be promoted.

Not if I am then
Ernie again.

I have to go.

Well Ernie, are you all right?

[Stromberg] It's delicious!

You have put fluff
in the head!

Mr. Tremmel! I haven't seen you at all --

Capitol kindergarten.

That wasn't exactly my idea.

I think it is good.

Whereby, that was already my idea.

The marketing fuzzies can probably
make something out of it.


This is Mrs. Schirrmann.
Mr. Tremmel ... Schirrmann.

I understand that your department has
everything halfway under control.

Yes. Cinturion is out yesterday ...

I'm going to get coffee.

So that's what's going on.

Do you have something running?

There are rumors.

- Yes, no ...
- That would not be good.

"Tippse ervögelt sich Babysitter am
Workplace", sounds worse than.

"Capitol... Pioneers in
gender equality."


The optical yes is not the clearer.

Och ...

Beauty is often only a question
of light on or off.

Where you complain about food,
you are probably standing with women

not on cheap home cooking.


I wanted to ask about the office.
I don't have a key yet.

So slowly I should...

Should I get
the filing cabinet, because...

Well, Ulf?

- Well Ulf? What are you doing?
- Nothing. Have a nice evening.

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