Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 1 - Malik - full transcript

So, let's see.

This is what I
told you, they want here...

You must have seen
seen on television.

Yes for sure!

The boy is looking for adventure.

Insurance salesman he wants to become.

When you grow up, boss?

You want to be like me.
I like it.

Boss is not for the eggless.

Boss is like an alarm clock.

Everybody hates him, but without
they all do [he snores].

The apprentice applications.
actually does the Becker.

Close se times on
the bang, Mrs...

He has missed,
the fine Mr. Reliable.

He's missing a lot lately.
Open up.

The face always just above
the shoes.

The Becker.

But fat office
with typing snake in the anteroom.

We are sitting here like a
like a weatherman during a tsunami.

But if from the number one

slowly becomes a zero,

then it's time for the number ...


Don't you think?

I am like a volcano.

I can lie around quietly for years,

but one day [imitates explosion]
I'm going up.



Then everything up there is full of
my lava.

Like this.

[theme music]

You are Moroccan?

My parents. I was born here.

Could work through Christmas.
Hamse mit Jesus ja nix am Hut.

We hardly take people anymore.

So ... actually none.

Why? You said you were looking for--.

Office is war, and war is always

You should know best.

From the war against terrorism.

Who "you"?

I don't believe it!


Vocationally you can only attack,
if it's also true in private life.

The Becker is the Olle--

- Tomorrow.
- Morning.

The old lady broke away.
She's kicking nicely now.

Always in the soft parts,
that is, in the wallet.

Since then, the Becker suks slips ...
sukzs ...

so step by step mentally
to the level of

Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania.

Whereas with me...

- [Jennifer] Polar bear...
- [Stromberg] Without ice--



A dog and Bernd and

an ice cream sundae,

a card.

Look where the arrow is.

An umbrella.

Bernd and umbrella.

Yes, go on!

My life was like a
like a cellar,

where you don't feel like going in,
because you think:

"This place has to be
cleaned out."

- [Jennifer] Driving...
- [Stromberg] Driving, yes.

- What is it?
- Black.

- Eyes.
- Yes, too.

- Night.
- After ... um.

- After ...
- Yes!

[Jennifer] And I'm decluttering.
now my life,

And do waste separation in the future,.

I want to separate that more.
One is private.

The other is professional.

It doesn't always have to be everything.
just be garbage.

Bernd and Schirmchen drive to ...


Friday we start.
5 o'clock is departure.


But I have
the Helge at the weekend.

He comes to a grandma.

I can't just take him now

to a grandma.

I have booked!

I told you
that with us 'n bit--


[What's going on now?


[Ulf] There's nothing new with us.

Everything tutti.

[Tanja] I'm not the boss here anymore,
But that's okay ...

that was in retrospect
anyway 'ne stupid idea.

A friend of mine
became a mother.

That's when you realize
what is really important.

For top women, the following applies to work.
and clothes:

The less the better.

And since they haven't been here.

boss, we have more time for the important things
more time for the important things.

I already have a child...

That is highly gifted!


I didn't mean to do that.

Did something happen?

[Stromberg] This is her in
full glory, the damage settlement.

Watch out. My new apprentice,
the Jonas.

What is this?

Blowing cotton.

I have senior afternoon
in the community.

This is Ernie's new motto:
Church instead of Capitol.

I have a break, I can do
as I want, stupid goat!!!

That's what I mean,
everything insanely loose.

My employees are like
my family.

Inbreeding, but only by request.
Ne, umbrella?

For people I am the daddy,
not so much the boss.

For most people I am.

Many say rather
Ass or something.

[Stromberg laughs]

Apropos ass: Here fingers away,
it already says "Papa" on it!

Papa's butt.

Do you still have them all?

I would have imagined differently,
such an insurance.

It's not like that.

Finish the personnel request.

Come in here.

This is then...

Is the term
"dune nigger" come up?

"jet fighter"
I may have said.

He rejected me because I am

That's why we are sitting here.

I made here and there
a little joke here and there.

"With people like me, you have to
to reckon with it,

That one day I will arrive by plane
to the office?"

Yes. Because of 9/11.
Well, that was--.

I can assure you that we have
have nothing against your religion.

On the contrary! Here there are
female colleagues,

where I say, thoroughly disguise
could not hurt.


But office is not like religion,

where you have to be dead
to know if the boss exists.

It must be clear--

The allocation of training places
is not in Stromberg's competence.


I will have a look at your documents
without prejudice.

If you need anything, let me know.
Let me know, I can come by.

I'm going to sit on my flying carpet.
Carpet and be here in 20 minutes.


[Stromberg] My humor is.
democratic, against all alike.

Indigenous, foreigners,
God, Buddha, snout-peep.

Against democracy has probably no one what.

Point 1.
Point 2:

Humor is like goulash.

Where one says: "Is too spicy for me.",

says the other delicious
and the third does not eat meat.

Laughs only on high holidays.

We have such people in masses.

In Germany and in the Capitol.

"By plane to the office." ...

That's not what I meant.

I had to pull myself together.

They sometimes have things on them.

You can't do that publicly...
You can't.

Nah, you can't do that.

The daughter of Nübel is
married to a Tunisian.

Since then the topic
has been hanging pretty high.

Integration here, integration there.

The daughter of the nübel...

He is extremely sensitive.

Now that the complaint from Malik
is already so high...

- Schnapps?
- To the nübel, or what?

We should do it this way:

We take him and kick him out
after the probationary period.


Nah, not before evening.

Actually, me neither.

But the thing with my ex...

Probably I have to
sell the house.

Sober, all this is
hard to bear.

I know that.

Ex-wives are like locusts,
a real plague!

So, have to go again.

[Bert] I don't like it,
such weapons in the office!

Martyr would be a
horny job for you.

You make a
on church and so.

Ulf, this is so silly!

A grown man in the office
with a toy gun


Not as silly as a grown man running away from it.
Man running away from it.

Did you make the personnel requisition
for the trainee?

- Already at the nübel.
- Shit!

Nothing is ever done here!
But if it is not to be done,

then of course it is done!
I need a pen.

Now it's over!

I do not let myself be mocked,
that I do my work!

- That's where the--
- What a fucking pen.

There has been a change
with the charity.

Because, Jesus was
never in an office.

That's why it doesn't apply here.

Is she pregnant, Tanja?

- What?
- Why did you--

- I am glad!
- I'm going to vomit.

- What's going on here?
- Tanja, it's beautiful.

The cross is called
"not pregnant".

I was just looking for a pen, and....

[Ulf] Was clear that they with the topic
once around the corner.

We have already
before the wedding once...

What does "talked about it" mean...

It's just before the wedding,

where one generally tells about it,

how everything can be at times.

and so. And so in general

that was okay for me, too.

But now, since they haven't, so....

Since every shot 'n hit
can be...

Old Swede!

Also likes to miss something.

Mr. Nübel! Also on a scavenger hunt?

What is this chaos
with the trainees with you?

Both Becker and you
have a candidate.

From the very beginning I have
clearly for the one with religious...


It didn't look like that to me.

Yes, it did, because the religious...

The idea of integration is so important.

- Uh...
- Um?

I see my department as
a kind of melting pot.

Like a kind of goulash can.

Where different people are
are thrown in. At the end

comes out a single plam.

Or rather, the damage settlement.

Do you have concrete approaches
on the topic of integration?


Ne, uh...

Ah, Tanja! Well, how is it?

Do you tell that around now
with the test?

There was already a remark
from someone in accounting.

It's nobody's business!


Without concrete approaches
integration remains only blah-blah.


Therefore I have already

very concrete approaches

In the eye, where I...

Ah, the Jennifer! Well, how is it?

Great! Today 's crispy ass
with fries, I read.


I'll let you know extremely promptly.

Because of the integration...

Thing... I'll take cake. Done.

[Conversation in background]

[Conversation in background,
Jennifer sharpens a pencil]


Ernie, what is this shit?

It is a bit funny,
I must say.

So, kids? Hello!

Very briefly.

This is... Where is it?

This is the gentleman...

Boud ... jell ... la.

Malik is enough.

Good. Malik,

this is our new trainee.

Starts for the next first one here.

I thought the other day will be our trainee.

Right, I also said,
because here at

him, I had prejudices.

He is a Mohammedan.


You say "Muslim" or "Muslim".

Right. He is a Muslim,
that is also good.

I don't think so.

- Ernie!
- I don't like it!

I am not here as a Muslim,
but as a trainee.

I think religion does not play
so 'ne big role.

I am glad that I can start here
to start here and

find 's cool from Mr. Stromberg,
that he has changed his mind.


Actually I did not want
a speech here.

I find it embarrassing with the camera.

I wanted to ... yes ... I'm glad,
that I can start.


Thank you.

Let me show you the kitchen.

The most important place in the Capitol.

[Ernie] God is in the office, after all.

So the good Lord.

Allah and Buddha and so...
I don't know.

So exactly I do not know myself there anyway.

But I do a lot in the parish.
At Saint Pancras.

Mrs. Runkel got me into it.

She's nice.

I met her at the cemetery.

Because I always met the mama there...

We often went there together.

With a thermos and
Pudding cookies

we often sat there. She took me
into the community with her.

Now I organize
senior citizens' afternoons.

Soon also 'ne youth leisure time.
I'm well received everywhere.

"Berthold" they say everywhere.

To me.


The youth recreation.

As a supervisor.
I'm not youth anymore.




you give an integration seminar
for the trainee?

Yes, but nothing big ... just so.

But he is very nice.

Must say.


And if one is very nice

do you apologize for some crappy
Saying that you have brought?


So, about the ass, ne ...

That was not so great, I must say.

I can nix to.

If such an old geezer like me

again such a young geezer
like you ...

the hormones make a polonaise
through the body. Do they arrive in the head,

then ...
[makes a gurgling sound].

Wasn't that great.

Not so great.

Good. Maybe I will come back
back to "Hamsterdam".


That would be of course ...

Great, of course.


Minorities are often different from us.

That does not make them worse.

There is no reason to
to make fun of.

On the contrary.

The ... thing, for example...
Where is he?

With him, for example, I ...
Stand up!

With him I don't notice anymore
that he is not one of us.

Always diligent, helpful,
always friendly...

Only from religion--

I am a Catholic!


You have the one with the 8 arms, that one,

and with the horse head.

I am a Catholic, always have been.

So am I. For us there has never been
such a course. I find stupid.

Now one of them comes,
immediately there 's a course.

That is exactly what I mean.

The Muslims are
the new homosexuals.

Yeah, sure.

Where you used to say: Eww, oah, eww,

disgusting, stay away from me, nee,

nope! Today you know scientifically,

that they are practically quite normal.

Just different.

This goes now in a completely
wrong direction.

With them the gays go
in prison!

One thing after another. Maybe I can
I can put a few things right.

Are you gay?

I am catholic!

- Ernie. Hello!
- Ernie, stop it now!

Give me that thing.

Why don't you give me that thing?

[excited babble of voices]

[huge racket]

Come on out!

Careful there!

Don't be surprised, if he comes with an
Explosive belt comes rolling.

[Bert] Jesus was against violence, after all.

Because the Muslims did not realize this.
wanted to, there were the Crusades.

Until today that is so,

that they do not
do not want to see,

which is true now.

There I find then also tolerance ...

No, I don't agree.

That worked out great with the
"Not telling around".

- Why?
- He brought 'n spell.

You dear little read!

Ah, Mr. Nübel!

We make because of the integration ...

In the broadest sense but still
very concrete--

- I wanted--
- I don't like it with him.

I say it officially. I don't care.

- Can I continue working now?
- Shall we go outside?


[Ulf] You find that funny, don't you?

- You are joking about us.
- I was joking.

[Tanja:] It was just a stupid gag.
by Lehnhoff.

Actually from Stromberg.
Lehnhoff just told him.

That Ulf as a Muslim can dissolve the marriage
Can, if I do not have children.

Completely stupid.

I also do not know
why I go up there like that.

- [Ulf] I want to hear it!
- [Lars] I have to go on.

Say, "I'm a grinch!"

- Kindergarten!
- Say it!

[Tanja] With some
it just does not work immediately.

Can you just do nothing.

But you don't joke about that.

- Well, multiculturalism is difficult.
- Mhm!

I know that. My daughter
was married to a Tunisian.

Oh, I didn't know that at all.
Was now in the sense of...?

The chapter is over, thank goodness.

Look, is not there at all, the...

Becker not here?

Not here for the whole day. I have
already tried to reach him.

I am not surprised.

Talked to him,
then I thought

mentally it looks with him,
as at night in the coal cellar.

I can't confirm that!

I was really worried.

Just recently this unpleasant
story with Mr. Tröckel.

I have heard.

Mr. Nübel, I do not want
withhold this from you.


Bad ... bad.

I try to relieve the Becker,
as best I can.

But it is only possible for me to a limited extent.

Ne ...


Are we doing there?

Here you had to choose between
Grub 1, Grub 2 and stew.

I usually take this.

I know that the cook
has nothing to do with it.

For me, for later, for now,
for later.

I think it's great that you are showing me
show me around!

No theme. The new trainee
gets boss treatment.

Here, pay for this.

Mr. Becker! How is it?

Did you tell Nübel
I have depression?


He acted as if I had
Burnout and blackout!

Since the Tröckel
from Controlling has gone crazy,

Nübel only sees burnouts anyway.
And don't talk like that!

[Stromberg] In the past, there
there were still proper diseases.

Malaria, cholera... today there is 's
only trallala.

Burnout. The Becker. Burned out.

This is, of course, nonsense.

In order to be burned out, had to have burned
have burned. Becker didn't even glow.

You could not have lit a cigarette
on him.

Lirum Larum.

The main thing is that the Nübel
has got it now for the time being ...

Yes, quasi, compulsory leave.

Now who is sitting here for so long?

The daddy!

Huh! Listen!

She also has a black belt
in bad mood.

I'm mine now, too.

And so fast no one will get me
out again.


It all comes out here.

Doing everything differently.

Finally room in the booth!


Ah, umbrella. Already something different
than downstairs, isn't it?

What is this?

This is the new
Personnel requirement for the trainee.

You are such an asshole.

What? I thought that Malik was nice too....

Practical. But the nübel has...


[theme music]