Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 4, Episode 3 - Seelsorge - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
For sure I am still in Finsdorf.

As back as you think
the province is not anymore nowadays.

Purely in terms of population

Finsdorf is just as
a melting pot as New York!

Polish people here,
city dwellers, Finsdorfers...

we have a Turk in the village

Didn't know that you already again....

Dude, a camera! That's awesome!

Siggi, from the fire department!

That's enough!

Constantly Wuppsi from the shooting club,
Schluppsi from the fire department!

This is not a meeting
for the whole village noses!

- [Siggi] Wat?
- He is the new boss here.

This is an office, not a pub!

Who is a village nose?

[Achim] Siggi, let it be!

- It's true!
- But you always get so upset!

New York is a beautiful city,
by all accounts.


From the mindset, this is Third World.
That's clear.

I try everything,
to get at the peasant skulls,

but from Mettwurst you make
marzipan. It's hopeless!

I want to go back

as soon as possible! Otherwise I guarantee
for nothing, in this dump!


Excuse me, is the Mrs. Feifert,
because of files!

Huh? Ah! "The" Mrs. Seifert! Thank you!

Thank you!

Tanja, how's it going?

Do you not get along with my system
with my system

it is surely rather your fault
rather than my system!

In individual cases this can be sure...

"Not true at the back and at the front"
is already nonsense!

Who checked this?


No problem.

I'm coming over!

Do not get along at all without me!
In the old home!

Was to be expected!


It's all there, I always got along!

Where did you deposit the apportionments
for the annual premiums?

The what?

In the back, somewhere.


[Stromberg] I was looking for you everywhere!
Come here, you!

Can I bill Föhringer?

Also such a case.
There was, for example, this in the file!

There it is!

Application photo,
belongs in the personnel department!

This is not funny!

Funny, like a hole in the head

the Miss Seifert!
I don't know where it is.

Föhringer always made Ernie, ask him!

Is Ernie there?

In principle yes, but I haven't seen him
him for a while.

- Well, you?
- Well!

What is the situation?

- Is it like this, with you?
- Great!

Finsdorf, that's running!

I have become a real farmer whisperer

Everything smaller than here

but also more relaxed.
More cure than work.

I thought that
maybe again a little bit...

eat what?

Yes, let's see!

Let's see means "kiss my ass"!

Nah, "yeah yeah" means "kiss my ass"!

- And let's see?
- "Let's see" means "let's see"!

- Let's eat something, shall we?
- Yes!


Again! She's as cheeky as a...

[Ernie! Are you okay?
[someone takes a picture]

How do you settle
the building insurance with them?

I'll do the rest!

He locked himself in there.

[Stromberg] Now at Ernie's place
the entire attic burned out!

[Jennifer] He needs care!

that he is here again!

The clinic offered him sick leave,
so did I. He didn't want it!

After all, he tried to kill himself!

I think so too, Tanja!

That is also part of your tasks,
not only "where is the file"!

- That's what it's all about!
- What do you want me to do?

How to send him home if he doesn't want to?

- Poor Ernie, I feel sorry for him!
- So sorry!

I would say so too.



[Sabine] He : "One meter taller
you would be exactly my type!"

And I : "Hello? First lose 50 kg,
before I'm too small for you!"

Here you are! I was looking for you!

The dwarf throws a round!

[Sabine] The upstairs don't like to see that,
when the Pulle circles!

[Tanja] I don't like it either,
no one can be reached inside!

- Are you serious?
- [Sabine] That's how fast it goes!

- What?
- Nothing!

Okay, one to toast!

[Sabine] There you go!
You are a really relaxed boss!

So relaxed is only
a sexually satisfied boss!

Sleep with Schmidt-Huber-Meyer,
then my boss is relaxed!

Mrs. Seifert, can I talk to you?


Becker, Becker, Oberchecker!

- [Becker] No one to reach!
- I said so too, but they're celebrating....

They are running the department!

You have to assert yourself,
otherwise they will dance around on your nose!


[Stromberg] Now Ernie plays
King Kong.

- [Jennifer] He locked himself in.
- [Becker] Did you talk to him?

- [Stromberg] She didn't!
- Of course!

For something like that you need
people management skills!

You don't belong to it anymore!

When I belonged to it
it was tippi toppi!

- [Tanja] That's not true!
- [Jennifer] So it is impossible!

Would not exist with me!

[Tanja] I will not let
Ernie to blame!

Disabled dolphins come to me,
in order to, um... with me.


- Leadership-wise, she's clueless!
- [Becker] Stop this nonsense!

Why don't you take care of Ernie!

I would love to

but as colleague Becker said
I no longer belong to the department!

[Jennifer] Can you maybe
take him with you to Finsdorf?

You said,
he was much calmer and more relaxed

And he can work over the net, can't he?

- He can't.
- Yes, he can!

From my side!

He would be really happy!

Ernie and Bernd? That's a dream couple!

[Stromberg] Yes, Jennifer...

but Finsdorf is not a place of pilgrimage,
where blind people can walk again!

I was on a farm as a child,
there I fell from a cow.

That was not so nice either.


Sometimes a room that one is in,
emptier than a room in which there is none.

That's how I feel sometimes!

I went to see a doctor.

She said that depression is
a normal disease, like cancer.

The brain is missing some messengers.

So substances. So exactly I don't know
what is in my head.

Anyway, what's missing in my head,
what tells me,

that all this is not as gloomy
as I think.

That's what I'm missing.
That's dumb, isn't it?

[Jennifer] Sweet of you,
that you take Ernie with you!

Sure, no problem!

Hopefully they slowly see
that it was a mistake,

to replace me as the boss here!

How does it go on with both of us?

Or do I have to
to get behind the car first?

You are really impossible!
I'll call you!

Are you on the verge of Waterloo professionally?
is an interpersonal...

woman all the more important!

Not in the sense of "am in a bad mood

looking for something for underneath".
The Jennifer

is a woman
which interests me also as a person!

She is already...

very successful!


[Sabine] Today we have Sabine blue.
Like trout, but with Sabine!

Tanja won't come after all,
she has too much to do.

I see them on our wedding night
rolling through files!

[Sabine] She slaves away while the old man
is pounding the cake.

- Be glad that she marries you!
- [Ulf] Why?

I even feed my sweetheart,
even though we are not getting married!

Nah, I'll take that!

Bislang always came with me first.

After that it was already tight.

But because of such a wedding
now suddenly comes

after me first of all her!

I saw that on CSI,

that was awesome,
the bride was shot.

and he was super ready.

That's when I first realized that.

The whole thing,
getting married and...

that's something else,
than just being together!

Oh you my hero!
I'm really hungry, thank you!

- What is it?
- Dessert.

- Voucher for a video night?
- Cool, right?

Pizza, white wine and romantic movies!

- You are cute!
- Savior of overworked women!

We're off at 8!
I'll get the beamer from Uwe.

Becker grumbled,
that no one is available.

People should be at their places,
not buzzing around!

Would be stupid if you run off!

- He won't get it!
- Wusel, really!

- Loosen up!
- Nah, really, stay here!

Is this a work order, or what?


Ernie, what are you doing ?

The seam is rubbing on the legs!

Just don't tear me in here!

Caution. If the village idiots think
that those from the city

have an even bigger scratch on the savoy cabbage
than they do, I can stop here!

Savoy cabbage?

[Stromberg] Morning!

- What's going on here?
- Am I making egg salad?

These are for the fire department regulars' table,
there's a party tomorrow.

This is the Ernie,
from my old store!

- Actually Berthold.
- [Achim] Anyone else?

- There's not that much to do here!
- Because you whistles don't do anything!

Like my grandpa, he was killed in the war,
he was also called so.

Great, Ernie! This is the Prellwitz,
the Achim. Sit down here!

Now the Polish weekly market

Ernie shows you how to work!

I have to go big really fast!

Through the door, on the left!

Other door!

Is nice, Erwin!

Listen, very short!

Mr. Becker wanted to call you,
but you did not answer!

Why, what did you want?

That's not the point!

This is more
a fundamental problem, so...

it can't be
that you are not available!

This happened more often lately!

So, I am at most...

Otherwise I must
intervene according to labor law!

And what about Ulf?

He is already
over an hour now,

to get the beamer
for your movie night.

That's already close.

Because the course costs 1,000 euros....

Pays the company.

- I bought something.
- When I was a kid, I wanted to be in the fire department.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I set fire to the dolls
of my cousin to put them out.

In the office I was almost
Fire prevention officer.

I am! Just in case.

- Are these the new ones?
- Nope, regular ones.

Gotta push in here...


- Oh, my goodness!
- [Ernie] Now that's....

- We're going to go wash up!
- [Ernie] I didn't mean to do that!

To my chemical fiber things
must not have water.

Take one here from!

Water is for washing.
Falleri and fallera

Also there for brushing teeth.
You can use it.

Water is what the dear cattle need.
Fallera and falleri

The fire brigade too.
Needs the water very


My mom also had
relatives in Poland. Krakow.

Beautiful, Krakow! Many beautiful old houses!

- All dead.
- Too bad!

I am the last one.

Come wife, come children
and already you are no longer last!

- I do not believe!
- Yes, what?

Such a beautiful, strong young man!
You look like movie star!

Do you pop out and belly in,
you are cool!

Wrong way around you're not cool?

[Magda] Are you cool too!
Looks good on you, by the way!

You look beautiful!

- Thanks! I got it from Achim.
- Yes.

We are spritz, spitz.

- Spitz, Spritze, because of fire department!
- Got it!

Fire department, I know. Ah, look!

The beamer was an exception!

[Becker] Yes, but because
your life partner works here

you are especially responsible!

- [Ulf] Tanja needed it after all!
- Ulf, now leave it!

No, you can't
no rope out of it!

I only fetched it
because there is none here!

- [Becker] He is on duty?
- [Ulf] Sure.

- What for?
- Because of the presentations.

[Becker] You have to
prove themselves first.


Good! Goodbye, Mrs. Seifert!

[Ulf] Goodbye!

[soft music]

[Ernie] And then, enter!


Why does it stink here?

Egg salad.
Magda makes it like my mother!

I make savoy cabbage later.
Did his mama always.

[Achim] He gave us tips
for our balance sheet things,

where we tried everything.

[Stromberg] I said a thousand times,
you are making this too cumbersome!

Nah, it's quite simple. Pull it over!

- And then in at the top!
- Nope, at the bottom.

Then you automatically see
the surplus.


This is madness!

Much more time to make salads.

[Achim] Yeah, sure!

[Stromberg] Why does everybody
make such a fuss about getting Ernie afloat?

You don't wash paper plates.
Ernie is a human paper plate.

I'm going to say that neutrally!

Life did not throw anything
into the bell-bag!

Nah, there is no one arrives
and makes constantly "dutzi, dutzi"!

Here everything is...

Mrs. Schirrmann, how are you?

Nix, I just wanted to ask.
He's fine!

He shines like a light bulb!

- Say hello to Jennifer!
- I'm doing something!

It has really blossomed,
here with me again!

You have to come by!
Ernie, is quite nice here?

There he nods,
he likes it here too.

I'll be glad when you come!


Of course it fits me!

Nah! Yeah, sure!

Yeah, see you later! Bye!

She is coming over today!

I say, come over!
she says, I'll come over!

- Magdalena will make savoy cabbage tomorrow!
- The Jennifer!

- No, Magdalena!
- No, Jennifer!


- Magdalena.
- It's funny, that Jennifer.

Is Mrs. Schirrmann sick?

She left earlier, to Finsdorf.

I don't know,
whether it was agreed.

- Ulf] Yes!
- Can't promise anything.

[Ulf: I think
that is because of a settlement gone.

Hey, Mr. Steinke!



Ah, there it is!

- Hello!
- Hello!

I stood forever
at this huge construction site!

- Hello!
- You are here, and I am glad!

This is my kingdom, small but mine!

In principle, as well as the Ernie.


- I brought this for you!
- Oh, how nice!

Smells good, smell it!

I want to go!

Now it's fire department meeting,
because of the hose tower!

Yes, go there, Ernie!

- Bye!
- Bye!

- Good, when he has fun!
- It's almost like before!

Healing hands, where I put them on....

I remembered those being bigger.

I remember those too.

When it gets later
I sleep with Magdalena!

- She said!
- She said.

- Bye!
- Bye!

What can you do in Finsdorf?

For example, we could...


[Jennifer] Maybe before
eat something or drink something.

There is not much here.
Ernie is already going to the "Ochsen".

- Let's go to the "ox", right?
- Yes.

But afterwards!


[Jennifer] Let's see!

[Loud clamor of voices]

Inside the "ox"!

Quite a lot going on!

Here the boys!

This is a pub, not an office!

Yes, now I smell it too!

[Siggi] This is for village noses,
City noses get nothing!

This is the Pissnelke
from Achim's office!

There I would be more careful now!

[Siggi] Berthold is all right!
You can stay!

- But the shit-boot can run away!
- [Jennifer] Say!

If we had established the level, too.

Ernie, have fun at the Neanderthal table!
Let's go over there!

You are a top peasant whisperer!

You get nothing here!

The two in front get nothing!

This one is okay, I don't care.

You can take it!
She can have something!

But the shit boot gets nothing!

Achim, tell your friend....

[Achim] Berthold told us,
how you always treated him!

Mobbing was that namely!

That's why you don't get anything here.

Now I'm going back, bullying!

You shit boots!


A whole round for everyone!
Beer and all.

Everything on my lid!



Shit boots!

Poop boots!

So, come!



Welcome to Inzesthausen!

When mother, aunt and favorite cow
are identical, one is not surprised.

- These village people are sometimes so stupid!
- The Siggi is, when he has refueled....

I found it quite entertaining!

I'll talk again...

You think,
you made a great catch with Ernie?

- Why?
- There is invited, salad cooked!

There was the Ernie
dans la Moulin du Klaps,

as the French say.

Ernie has an official full tit!

He was in the loony bin!

- Bernd, good now!
- What does he say?

He put himself as a particle filter
behind the exhaust!

So you celebrate one
and I stand there with her?

Nonsense, isn't it?

[Ernie] Mentally ill
is just as sick!

And there I get
Pills for and everything!

What are you carrying?

Now he howls, and such a one
gets something to drink and I...

Shut the fuck up!

Really! You're such a retard sometimes!

Ernie, wait!

What's the matter with her again?

Jennifer! Jennifer!

[Ernie] Poop boots!


[Film score]