Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 4, Episode 1 - Beziehungen - full transcript

[Mr. Nübel]
You've been with us for a while, haven't you?


Insurance is my thing.
Insurance for me is what....

for Rembrandt
were the fat women.

I switched strategies.

I'm going meerkat here now.

Where one looks like the other,
because you can only move forward together.

Here in the CAPITOL
are practically only meerkats.

The Wehmeyer, meerkat...

one that is promoted.
As a result, meerkat Becker slips

to the top. Thereby
then the Becker place becomes free.


The personnel planning
is done by Dr. Nübel.

I'll keep him warm.

Here private interest heu... show,
here a tip for a good urologist.

The noodle.

Beautiful, the posture. Don't know,
whether you can learn it.

Kids, that's how it goes.

Who knows who, and...

I know them all.

Anyway, the decisive ones.

Therefore probably goes

the overall management of the department
also goes to...



Good grief!

Yes, daddy, he will be here soon

right boss.

[Imitates an explosion.]

There is nothing new, actually.
In fact, everything is the same as always.

Ernie, is there anything new with you?

[Phone rings]

This is how it goes with him all the time.

Yeah, um, otherwise....

I'm not so good right now,

- private now--
- [Ulf] Now Rahn would have to shoot

and Rahn shoots and

Goal! Goal! Goal! The game is over,
Germany is world champion!

Always cool.

Ulf, now let him.

This time he had a fair chance.

Since Ernie has the thing,
I always play "goal of the month".

Last week was great, Ernie, wasn't it?

Fischer, overhead kick, '77,
Germany vs. Switzerland.

Was great, wasn't it?

[Bert] The doctor gave me the ball

because of... back...

so, such a chair here
is an invitation to

Lumbago. This is still the old one...
[Cell phone rings.]


[Cell phone still ringing]

Because of the rays.

Cell phone radiation. There are studies.

In the long run you get mud in your head from.


Yes, it's about the complete collection.

Only "Yps" issues, yes.

Mainly 70s.

Yes... nope, issue 12/77 is missing.

With the Saturn V rocket, exactly.

For personal reasons.


don't need these anymore.

Want to get rid of everything.

Doesn't bring anything anymore.

All gone. All out.

It is anyway... is everything...

I think you have to reconnect everything,

the internet wiring at the printer

It's working again!

Only the plug was not in.

With the technology I am glad
that I have you.

As I said, just the plug.

I don't know anything about it.
One day everything will be yours anyway.

If I take over the overall management,
the chair will not remain empty.

Let's wait and see.
You've said that before.

- Later I made big cheeks.
- Big cheeks!

That was seventeen hundred and thirty,
the old Berkel was still...

Is something completely different.



Career is like "Tour de France".

Either you ride with pig's blood
or with slipstream.

Always just
behind the ass of the man in front.

At the ass of the nübel, there hangs the

Wehmeyer. On the ass I hang,
and you hang...

You're riding there now, too.

Knibbel times the sticker off there.
It's been bothering me for ages.

Yes, Marsipulami I have completely.

And Umpah-Pah.

I will kick you out,
when I am the boss.


"The panther tooth necklace
of the Apaches"?

Must have been issue 11 or 12.

I have a list above.

Yeah, I'll check it out in a minute.

Until you are the boss,
Ernie will be over 200.

That's when it's not such an issue anymore.

Ey Trulla!

This may have already
gone to the personnel office.

Stromberg showed me.

They want to do the restructuring
without external applicants.

That is why Stromberg
suggested me. Here's the deal.


Buy a round of broccoli.

I wouldn't begrudge Ulf, sure.


I gave my concept to the Becker,
because of the billing changeover,

and I don't hear anything.

And Ulf...

He has in the whole time never
has never gotten anything right in the row.

Fits Stromberg well again.

It stays in the family,

when we finally go through
finally go through with it.


Mr. Wehmeyer, good man,
Ulf Steinke.

I've had my eye on him for a while,
right, Ulf?

Draw me a cup, too.

This makes me foxy.

There write the
"blueberry cakes"

and there are huckleberries
or blueberries in it.

The main thing is that it tastes good.

It starts with something like this.
I'm picky about that.

We can't do
do our jobs like that.

If these are supposed to be blueberries,
my grandpa's name is "Inge".

[Mr. Koch] You again?

There are no dogs in the dog biscuit,

but in the blueberry pie
no blueberries?

They are blueberries!

That's bold. These are at most
Blueberries, if that.

[Mr. Koch] It's the same thing!

Blueberries are blueberries
or huckleberries or wild berries.

Look in the dictionary,
you peat nose!

Still tastes like
grandma under the arm

All blueberries!
Everywhere you look, blueberries.

The overall management has
a greater responsibility,

that is clear to you?

Also with regard to
of social interaction.

The overall management for me
Is safe, now?

Did you hear
what you said?


If that runs on Wednesday, then--.

I suggested you,
Colleague Triesetau has waved it through,

Nothing can go wrong.
But so...

just doesn't work anymore.

Yes, no, that is clear.

The umbrella!
I have something sweet with my coffee.

What is it?

Nothing, it's going again.

I got a rent increase,
and my ex doesn't pay anything anymore.

Everything sucks right now,

That sucks.

I will probably soon
move in with my parents...

to the beautiful Schlingsheim.

- Schlings... what is that?
- Such a hick town.

50 kilometers from here,
but there the world is over.

- Oh God, oh God.
- Yes.

I'm looking forward to it.

Would not be for me... move to the country.

The father farmer, the mother goat.

Not in your case, but so in general.

No ten horses would
no ten horses would get me there.

[Stromberg] We'd better not do that.
If there's anything I can do for you....

- then --
- That's nice.

Now that's...

Now, whether I am going to buy... Bread for...

Thingy. Who knows,
whether they buy bread for it.

Or a bread knife,
with which they massacre the tourists.

Or if I give you something.

Really? You donate to
"Bread for the world"?


Quite often...

thought that at Christmas
times maybe...

But, you are much better to me.

And also much closer.

Private is still lukewarm with me.

I'll say. With women now.

You think a man like me
has no problems with it, but no.

I have recently even
on the Internet...

I have the feeling that the women on the Internet
are all men.

Or menopausal lizards,
where I then think,

I am still too young for that.
I still want to really...

but that is not so at the moment



Let's wait and see.

With the overall lead behind us...

Mr. Nübel, the Jennifer Schirrmann
is a bit tight in terms of purse.

Nah, I'll be fine.

is nothing to be ashamed of.

Especially in this day and age.

"Recession, here I come."

Yeah, okay.

If I can help?

So, ne,

[Stromberg] Mr. Nübel,

speaking of help.

Because of your wet spot there

In the winter garden...

Pole, but reliable. Just call,
say hello from Bernd.

But, um...

If you take the Ernie Heisterkamp

on an equal footing with Jennifer Schirrmann
on the same cost center...

I have calculated this once...

then she would have
300 Eurönchen more.

You can decide that in the overall
decide for yourself in the near future.

Right! That's how it's done.

[Door slams]

[Stromberg] Yeah, that's enough.

It worked, great.

[Tanja] Come on, you weirdo!

Stromberg is coming.

If I take away the chairs,
there's room for a kicker.

[Tanja] A foosball table, sure,
any other wishes?

I don't have to
leave it so shitty.

[You can't put a kicker there, toot.
there, toot.

Or an executive couch,
where I can noodle the typists.

Pretty uncomfortable, isn't it?

Do you think Stromberg has here
with Nicole back then...

Are you disgusting!

I have an appointment for old glass.

I'm cleaning out the whole basement.

The canning jars... I don't need

Yeah, great, Ernie.

I found cherries from 1987.
And quince jam.

I'll take it all away.
There's no point in it all.

Today is the big day when all the
King muftis from the headquarters

give me their... Monte...

have to give me their blessing,
and therefore...

Ernie, old auxiliary.
Cross your fingers for dad.


Jennifer! Come here.

This is good luck.

[Ulf] Morning!

I'm doing...
Today is my big day.

Good luck.

We are not allowed to
smoke in the building.

God, oh God, the Mrs. Seifert.

They would not have
hidden any Jews either.

Not always everything
strictly by the book, Tanja. Ulf.

[Mr. Wehmeyer] Mr. Stromberg,
I was looking for you.

Oh, here.

- Take it.
- What do you mean, nervous?

Oh, nervous, nonsense.

We need to talk again
about your new job.

- Mr..
- Ulf.

So, Mr. Steinke.

Would be great.

You shit. This is a bad omen.
The canteen bin store.

[Cook] Please?

Do you want to sell green beans
as frog's legs?

- What?
- Let's go.

[Cook] What is it?

- We're going up.
- I would say.


I had sent some ideas,
because of the billing changeover--

Haven't gotten around to it yet.

I'm sure you know
that there are to be changes.

Discuss this with Mr. Steinke.

Didn't think either,
that they would promote me.

On the other hand, why not?

I can do it as well
as anyone else.

For once without nonsense.

So 'ne complicated matter

is not the job, as Tanja does.

[Two women make small talk.]

Well, my dear Scholli.

What should I say?

How did it go?

How did Stalingrad go?

That's how it was here too,
only without snow.

[Stromberg] All those bags there.

"Mr. Stromberg, it's about
an important task"... bla.

"We have come to the conclusion, you....

get it right."

"They'll get it done!"

It's me. I've got 'it'.

Come here, you.

That's where I got you.
The meerkat tactic.

On the spot
I could mark my territory.

Isn't that...

Isn't that...

Sorry, but it's just...

come, let me help.

Watch what they do for eyes,
when I give them here...

Ernie, old dwarf smurf,
there is something to celebrate.

- What is it?
- What is it?

I have to replant my mother
it's all overgrown in the back.

- Lehn...

I know what has two thumbs,

one eye and becomes the overall
of the claims settlement?

He is amazed!

I have to go to accounting--

You go down to the Turk
and buy alcohol for the baggage.

Beer and milk,

or what you drink
with a straw in it.

Come. You'll get money in a minute.

[Stromberg] Meerkat strategy.

Fine thing, that. Is there 'nix.

Come on, do it!

Office is not like marriage,

where one decides
and the woman says "yes" and "amen".

In the office, there must be someone sitting upstairs
who looks after you.

At the same time...

Very important! you have to do the same
do the same. With the next...



It's me. It's me.
It's me. I've got it.

So becomes 'n shoe, ah a whole pair,
A whole shoe store...

Shoe factory it becomes.

I have to say,
at the moment I am...

yes, whereas...

but, I am almost a bit happy,
you can say.


Shoot something to eat for my bunch.
Small spontaneous celebration,

To celebrate the day.

This is Mr. Triesetau.

Important man, controlling!
That's where the big things are made.

He was also at the meeting.

He looks sad too.

He here.

Better than nothing. Today at noon
I didn't get to eat.


Who do you have to screw
to be served?

How did the cooking Nazi
get his job?

Relationships, as far as I know.

I have them too,
all the way to the top.

There he is! Did we wake you up?

- I was going to pay.
- Nah, I'll take care of that one.

And a couple of fricassee nozzles,
what has to go, for my horde.

Only what is still in front.

- You must have something there.
- Only what is in front.

"What's in front."

The best way is to put yourself
into the water and get hot.

As a sausage.

I'll pay already.

As long as the microwave mongoose
can't get anything going, we have to--

That's enough now.

I will complain.

Yes, to the Wehmeyer.

Or best of all, at the Nübel.

Now there's nothing left.

I think it is sweet how he is happy,

Look please, how he grins!

Now you go to the baker Hessbacher...

[Jennifer] At least with him it works,
if not with me.

- Get some rolls.
- I have to go to accounting.

Can you at least
Can you at least feign sympathy?

I put away the tin soldiers.
I got them from my grandpa.

He died in the war--

Thank you.

Hand painted.

Tiger Stromberg.

[Stromberg] One is already having fun.


They sure are taking a long time!

[Voices buzzing]

Ah, the cutlets.

A pint of beer.

[Voices clamoring]

[All chanting:]
♫Ausziehn, alle ausziehn♫

♫Get undressed and then get to the bacon♫

♫Take it off, take it all off♫

♫Swoosh, the clothes are gone♫

♫Take off, take off all♫

♫Get undressed, and then get to the bacon♫

There you...
don't worry about it.

That would be great if I didn't have to
had to go to Schillingsheim.

Fuck Schlingsheim.

Nah, really...
I'll do it at the...

Nübel I'll do it all right,
don't worry.

You are really so sweet.

You are my lucky charm.

[both grunting like piggies]

- You pig, you...
- Say!

Just kidding.

You are going to be the new Stromberg here?


I couldn't believe it either.

You can put on warm clothes.
No more egg swinging.

Especially for yours.

For such remarks there is
Detention, warning, deduction from wages.

Whoever beats me at foosball
flies out.

- [Tanja] Always with your kicker.
- What do you mean, kicker?

I was thinking...
is Stromberg still there?

I don't think so.

There is this visitor's corner.

I want to take it out completely

and instead

I thought to myself,
fits exactly such a kicker.

I saw it on the Internet,
it would fit right here-- [Clang]


- [Ulf] I just wanted--
- I just wanted too!


Come on, move it!

Can't you just once in peace...........................

I thought,
I can't see properly.


I expected everything,
not with this.


Ingrid didn't want to believe it.

- Tomorrow.
- Morning.

Tanja, the Jennif... Mrs. Schirrmann
is not coming today.

She has called in sick
the whole week. That you know about it.

- Okay.
- [Wehmeyer] Mr. Stromberg?

Can I just give you...

- The Wehmeyer... how are the files.
- Tomorrow.

We were going to go back anyway...

You have a problem.
The Möllers has complained.

- Who?
- The Möllers.

- The cook from the canteen.
- He's crazy.

- Morning!
- Morning!

he has excellent connections.

Who will he know?

This is the cousin of Welkenberg
from the board.

- Ei...
- Egg!

Geez, Stromberg!

Welkenberg decides
about my promotion.

If you are there now with the Möllers....

And I suggested you!

You know,
what a rat's tail is attached to it?

Welkenberg is said to have
already opened at the Polkmann.

And at the Rüderich.

Who is...?

Shit is that.

For both of us.

That sucks, of course.


Earthman my ass.

Now let's be honest, if it's just
about it... my ass... "I

know someone who knows someone
who knows one,

who knows one...",
then good night, Johanna!

I still say: "Fuck it,
I just apologize."

He didn't want to!

Little shit cook.
Cousin of the Welkenberg.

Can't suspect a sow. "Not portable."

"No longer portable."

I no longer portable

because of such a pippifax?

The cousin of the Welkenberg...

Mr. Stromberg
has assured me, however--

He will take over an insurance office
in Finsdorf.

- Where.
- Finsdorf... a bit outside.

Shit, I know that place.
There's a CAPITOL branch there?

It's just
a small field office.

The Mr. Wehmeyer actually gave me--.

It is not clear which task
Mr. Wehmeyer is taking over.

Until further notice
retain the overall management.

The position of Mr. Stromberg
I would like to offer to you.

I have considered your suggestions
for the billing changeover.

I think it is very good.

You can think about
whether you can imagine that.

Would you really do it, ne?
Da... Stromberg...



What a fucking shit!