Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 3, Episode 2 - Nicole - full transcript

Life is a casino and either
you play roulette or Mau Mau.

So as far as women are concerned now.

When you play roulette, you must
know it's a game of chance.

With women you can also lose,
but the main thing is to keep playing.

Like me now.

Since my divorce I realize
how women react to me.

And I am not talking about women where
it is crunching in the connective tissue, but...

That it also fits on the
human level

that is important, because the

And I thought I was
rusty. I am not!

I am not at all!

Nice here, the new offices
in the renovated wing.

Downstairs it looks more like
in Honecker's pants.

From the design point of view.

She also goes abroad to laugh
abroad, the prune.

You have to eat the grape
before it is a raisin.

Because once they become a rais... ah!


Erika's sister.


[Wehmeyer] Ah, there you are.
Thank you for coming by.

[Wehmeyer] - Hello, it won't take long.
[Stromberg] - Good morning!

It's about the
Employee award ceremony on Friday.

Some colleagues have been with Capitol for 40 years
at Capitol, we want to be there

do something and it would be nice
if you would take that in hand.

- Uh...
- Little speech, little something around it....

- Me now?
- Yes, you are what the

public relations,
our figurehead, so to speak.

Maybe you do
something, too,

I would make the whole thing
a little bigger.

Sure, the old guys will
celebrate a little bit there.

Our media presence was
rather unpleasant. Staff reduction...

[Wehmeyer] There it would be nice if
something positive happens.

Are you growing a full beard?

Nah, I just haven't been home yet.

I'm women-technically
on the road again.

You can't just roll out of bed
with the young things

and say I have to shave.
You have to do it again in the morning.

I see, you only live once.
My wife is also ten years younger.

Something serious?

Let's see, so first
first of all it's fun.

Whereby the young lady... Excuse me
goes already heavily in the direction of the bullet.

[Wehmeyer] It would be important to me that the
a nice celebration on Friday.

I'm counting on it.

You can count on it, too.


Come on, yo, you gotta hear this,
this is so awesome!

Why do you come only now, the
GlobalInvest stuff must go out.

Yes, come on, Sprittie has given me so
such a cool system in the car,

ey, even your shit
Robbie Williams almost like real music.

Hey, tell me, I can't
just leave here.

Sure you can, here, push the two
meat tubes around like this.

Ulf! Now stop it! Schuchardt has
already called, they are waiting.

Hey, I didn't want to go to Spain with you.
Spain, you should just

come with me to the parking lot
and listen to my new boxes.

So as a boxing slut.

Yes, right under the window of Becker.
I'm sure he'll love it.

We can do that tonight,
I'll listen to your boxes.

[Ulf] Sometimes I think Tanja is being
dubbed by my mother.

[Ulf] So this "First comes the work,
then..." my mother is also like that.

Spontaneous like a timetable.
Good, Tanja is not quite so

but it is already like this, Mondays
is yoga, Tuesdays I go to Ina

and Wednesday is this and that and
Saturday evening is then...

Well, it's not that bad yet.
But if sometime only so runs

then you can hit me with a
a sack of screws in front of my head.


[Erika] Ulf, what are you wearing.
then for'n face?

Again because of Tanja?
What is it this time?

[Ulf] - Nothing.
[Erika] - Shall I talk to her?

[Ulf] - Nope.
[Erika] - But I can.

[Erika] I am happy, if
I can help you.

[Jennifer] - Is the car ready?
[Ulf] - Yes.

[Jennifer] And, did he put a
He put in a subwoover?

[Ulf] Yes, and in the back there are
16 4-way speakers.

[Jennifer] - And, does it sound good?
[Ulf] - There's a real board coming out!

[Erika] I can't understand anything! Brett?

[Ulf] I can demonstrate,
Ulf's rolling disco.

[Ulf] Stands in the back on E4.

[Jennifer] I change my phone
and go, I don't want to work anyway.

[Ulf] Now really, great!
Here we are doing a bit of...

[Ulf! Bumblebees in your pants?

[Stromberg] Oh, Mrs. Schirrmann listen,
they're playing our song.

[The song "Sexbomb"
blares from the radio]

[Jennifer] Now I hear it. It's more like
'ne disco that sells insurance.

I'm going to move my phone, see you.

Ahh, she'll go off
like a greased calf.

In the price range I have
something in the price range.

In the past you saw something like this only in
in such booklets, old butterfly!

But the young things there
know nothing at all.

[I'm going back to work, right?
back to work, right?

[Ulf] Uh, I'll go with you.

[The song "Sexbomb" blares
from the radio]

[Music in the background,
the blinds rattle]

[Ernie] The world's scurryingest scurry.

[Tanja] - Ernie.
[Ernie] - I love you.

[Tanja] - Listen, I...
- That's nice that you have each other.

I don't have anyone anymore,
now that mama is gone.

Oh Ernie, that is of course....

But you were always there. You have
always taken care of me.

And if Ulf had not come,
I could have imagined,

that with us... then I would be
I would be your Wusel today.

[Ernie] But the
God probably didn't want that.

Anyway, the mummy has
still has a lot of things

where I have no use for.
And I don't know so many women

so... look.

That's what you're supposed to have.

- You always freeze so fast.
- Oh, God, Ernie, that's....

And mummy was always so
look here, it's real.

- I don't really wear such things.
- Suits you very, very well.

I also have a little something for Ulf.
Not that he thinks...

[He is not here right now.

Yes I know, he is downstairs with
Jennifer downstairs, watching his car.

But I put this
on the desk.

This is what?

Something about boxing she said.

Don't know about that. These are
brittle beans from my mom.

Yes, that's quite, quite nice.

Life is like a cab ride, even if you wait
when you wait, the taxi meter is ticking.

And. the taxi meter.

You've been sitting around a lot,
in 40 years of Capitol...

It sucks.


[hums into English] You're my heart
you're my soul...

Oh you really are my Capitol...

[singing in falsetto voice.]
You're my heart, you're my soul....

Oh, Mr. Becker.
However, that's... What's up?

[Becker] The approvals have to go out.
Are you checking them before they go up?

With our data and the archive.

[Stromberg] I don't see.

[Becker] I would like to
avoid discrepancies.

[Stromberg] I still don't see.

With the best will in the world, I'm up to my ears
up to my ears in work.

- That's why I have to do this now--.
[Becker] - I'm so tired of you.

[Becker] The approvals have to be
done by the end of the week--

The Wehmeyer sees it differently!

He sees me as
as a figurehead.

And if I have to weigh that, Wehmeyer.
Becker, bad luck for the registration kerfuffle.

Oh, I did not know that
I didn't know there was a visitor. I just wanted to...

- I'll just put it there.
- Very nice, Mrs. Rückert. Thank you!

Well, so much for the fact that
people are tired of me.

So. I have to go now. If you have any problems
please contact Mr. Wehmeyer immediately.

I'll put the things here for you.

Another apple for the way home?

[Nicole] I didn't know that the
Becker was there. If I had known that--

Yes, if the dog hadn't shit,
he would have gotten the rabbit.

[Both laugh]

[Nicole] I look now before
always inside like this.

That's how Becker looked when you came in.
came in. The orange was good, by the way.

I told you, you eat too little fruit.
too little fruit.

I am always snacking, you
sweet little fruit, you.

[Both flirt around,
when Lars suddenly comes in]

Did you grow up in the circus?
That's a good place to knock!

[Lars] T'sorry, quick question, are
the warranties in with the HVK,

[Lars] or do I have to put them in the
Liability disclaimers differently?

[Lars] - That's not a short question.
[Stromberg] - Huh?

Yes, you said a short question
Are you stupid?

Is a short question. Or do you wear
Or do you wear a thong?

It's a short question. What you have asked
is the opposite.

It's a very long question
And I have to go again now, ne?

Should I have asked differently now?

If, if, if...
If the dog had not shat,

then... the rabbit would have been
also... differently run.

[Canteen noise]

I only demonstrated the
not the reclining seats.

[Tanja] - You wanted to go to Schuchardt.
[Ulf]- Yes, I was.

Yes, and when you go to the Schuchardt,
you pass right by the parking lot.

And it happened to be standing around there...

Bullshit now.

But it can also be
spontaneous, you know?

Sure, spontaneous.

- [Jennifer] Meal time!
[Ulf] - Meal time!

[Jennifer] Straight from the rolling disco
to the canteen, a correct day today.

[Jennifer] I didn't know that Ulf could
can do a super Axel Rose impression.

[Jennifer] I really
I really threw myself away.

I can also be spontaneous,
because I'm going spontaneously now.

[Jennifer] - Did I say something wrong?
[Ulf] - No, everything is great.

[Ulf] Here, is delicious, ne?

[Jennifer] Hm, yes.

...You can make... Mee... make it everywhere...
Capitol, Capitol has to go in there.

[Wehmeyer] Mr. Stromberg?

Ah the Wehmeyer, I am just writing down
something for Friday.

He wants to sing something with "Capitol".

- [Nicole singing]
[Wehmeyer] - You want to what?? Sing?

[Nicole] - Yeah, yeah!
[Stromberg] - No, no...

[Stromberg] Nah, that's just--

[This is an important event, not a circus.
Event, and not a circus.

[Wehmeyer] I rather imagined a little film about the
about the Capitol,

a speech, something like that...

[Stromberg] I did too, yes.

Becker said earlier, you refuse,
to check any approvals?

Ne, that's on.

I stepped in something earlier.

[Nicole] - I thought what ...
[Becker] - Meal time!

[Stromberg] - Mahlzeit.
[Wehmeyer] - Oh, there he is, Becker!

[Wehmeyer] Becker, we are talking about the
just talking about the approvals.

[Stromberg] - But that's going on--
[Becker] - Have I heard how that's going.

Don't be so stingy, Mr. Stromberg just had
has just had a testosterone boost.

Hihi, stieselig...

[Wehmeyer] It's a nice idea,
You come on Friday, too.

And you bring your wife
and you her new girlfriend.

With such a relaxed round we can
we can make a new start with you.

[Wehmeyer] You have to work together for quite a while.
work together for quite a while.

Perfect. It would be a laugh
if we don't get this right.

[Becker] - Yup.
[Wehmeyer] - Good.

- Oh, Ernie!
- [Becker] - [Wehmeyer] - Good.

[Erika] You scared me!

I'm doing at home right now...
There are so many things

I can't throw them
throw them away, so...

- Here. I want you to have this.
- Oh, that's...

She always put this up when she went
went to town or to the cemetery.

Lately she has
out much anymore.

That's sweet of you,
but that's so not...

I always gave it to her for her name day
or on St. Nicholas or so...

I always gave her a
I always gave her a bottle.

[Ernie] Can you put it nicely behind your ear.
Or, the mummy has the

quite often like that here too.
Made on the wrists.

As I said, I imagine a
little film about the Capitol

and it would be nice if you... you
don't do anything else all day anyway.

Anyway, I arrive here
like this, right? Get off

and say, "Life is like
our parking spaces at the Capitol

very short, very dirty,
but at least it's free."

[laughs] Laughs.

Yoo-hoo! It is
really nasty cold today!

Here, look. I have
extra plugged in this morning

- if we walk later--
- Now give me a break...

Will you take me with you on Friday then?
The Wehmeyer said

- your girlfriend should come--
- Oh, come down Nicole.

[Stromberg] We can't hang this
on the big bell.

[Nicole] What are you going to do now? [laughs]
That's when your bones cracked!

[Nicole] - Did they hear that?
[Stromberg] - Stay down!

[Stromberg] With the broads it's like with.
the hobbits, it's always about 'a ring.

We are first of all
about fun and so on.

And they are looking for something to marry right away.

[Smooching sounds]
[Stromberg] It's terrible!

Whether 'nen supermodel or face
like Dresden '45 doesn't mean shit.

They immediately think "Oh, something solid.
Come on, let's build a house!

We'll plant 'n tree!"
All the gravy.

[Nicole] - ...take off your clothes.
[Stromberg] - ...always only Schnedderedäng.

[Both laugh and have fun]

The men are descended from the monkey,
but the women surely from 'ner burdock.

Now let's leave it alone here...

[Nicole] But you have
into something!

Here, the Becker just has to
look out of the window once.

He doesn't like it when
Department herumgenudelt is.

- He wants to beat me up anyway.
- The Becker?

Sure! He thinks it sucks
he thinks...

[Stromberg] Hello?

[Stromberg] Get out of there!

Do we have a car puff now
or what is going on here?

[Ulf has new boxes in the car!

[Stromberg] Yes, I saw, your...
boxes there.

In sight of the Becker
swing around here!

That's really clever. Congratulations!

He only has to step to the window once
and good night Johanna!

[Stromberg] And that where he
always pukes when...

[Ulf] Why, what does--?

[Stromberg] I have told you
a hundred times!

We are going in now and
you don't fiddle around there!

And with you I am
I'm through with you too, it's useless!

- What are you doing here?
[Nicole] - Huh?

[Tanja] If I'm already spontaneous,
of course it goes in the pants.

[Ulf] And in my pants here.

[Tanja] He reproached me that I was
am not interested in his boxes.

- Yes that's true.
- And that I'm not spontaneous.

There I said,
I can also be different.

That's right too.

Boah say, they
taste like feet!

[Ulf] - Where do they come from?
[Tanja] - Ernie put them there.

And I eat them too?
Taste it!

Here, the approvals have to come out.
Check them with our data

and the archive, not that there
to discrepancies.

Why do we have to do them?

Ulf, the working time is not
only for paddling around!

[Tanja] We were really only 10 minutes--

Where office is, uh... is no
stroke... uh... petting zoo!

Yes, I think we work
a little bit.

[Stromberg makes a disgusted
noise because of the chocolate]

[Stromberg] Taste the shit!

[Vacuum cleaner whistles]

[Coffee bubbles]

So watch out, I'm coming
in here, you stay there.

Then I come in here like this, like this

Good, uh, mood and...
Wait a minute...

Uh [claps] Children, very briefly
just a moment! Hello!

I'm shooting a little film here
for the Capitol, it's very quick

and it would be great if you would
pretend that everything is great here.

Like the management of the Garden of Eden
and mighty fun in the cheeks.


So. Uh, here we go.

[Stromberg] - Yeah, so... Can I?
[Cameraman] - Hold on...

Yes, do it! This has to be ready tomorrow
tomorrow and I still have nothing at all!

Yes? Like this.


[Bert] What the hell is this?
What are you assholes doing!

I have given you what my mother
I have for you...

So you can be a little happy!
And now I see it in the trash!

Uh, Ernie? I'm making a film for
Capitol just 'nen film--

From a dead woman they are,
that you are not ashamed!

Ernie, do not play for weeks the
Sunday of the dead here!

Here, the dead banana,
crunchy yogurt and under there

all the stuff from
my mom!!

Ernie, listen, nobody wants
nobody wants something against your mother!

Now she comes rolling in,
I get the pimpernellen!

So Mr. Stromberg, I don't have to
I also no longer offer!

- That was a decent woman, you goat!
- Can we shoot the fucking movie?

Or not! Jesus Christ!

I'm really getting...

Now pay attention here, we
do another one of these things

as I walk and with a woman
schäkere, fragrant working atmosphere and so.

I need a top woman, otherwise
crack me the old bags away.

Um, wait a minute.

[Stromberg] Mrs. Schirrmann, how does it look
it look like with and two two?

No Mr. Stromberg, I must now
actually the things...

- Yes, you can do it now.
- No, that still has to go out today.

[Nicole] - I could do that.
[Stromberg] - Hm?

[Nicole] - I could flirt like that.
[Stromberg] - Mhm...

Listen, sit down here
like this, nice cookies.

And I'm coming out of the coffee kitchen here.

And then let's look at the camera,
very important, and then...

[Stromberg] Hello, the thing with the Schirrmann
is for the film.

I need a mood picture
with an attractive, dashing bee.

[Nicole] What do you mean, attractive?

[Stromberg] The film must
be ready tomorrow.

I have pressure and I
haven't got that much yet...

You could have done with me
I would have been happy.

Yes you know, if the
If the dog had not shat--

I can also come tomorrow,
the Becker can say nothing at all

Yes, for the fat one it is not an issue.

All the stuff from the Becker
must be ready by tomorrow.

You can help me there,
if you really want to.

[Nicole] - Aha, what's that?
[Stromberg] - Admissions.

Are all admissions,
they have to be

and the data in the archive
are compared.

[Stromberg] Yes, what is it now?

[Vacuum cleaner whistles]

[Coffee bubbles]

[Office noises]

Is not there.

He has to give his speech today.
his speech today.

Taste really not nice.

I don't know how the mom
who always...

[Nicole] - Can you see if it fits?
[Tanja] - I wanted to actually...

[Employee] - Thank you.
- Quite delicious.

[Tanja] - Are these the admissions?
[Nicole] - Mhm.

But we have
already done.

Stromberg has given us this as
as a punishment work on's eye pushed.

Who gave it to you again?
Total nonsense.

[Stromberg clears his throat.]
So. If I... Ladies and gentlemen,

a great German
philosopher once said.

At 66, that's when life begins.

At 66, that's when you have fun.

At the age of 66, one
one only gets into the groove.

At 66, it's still a long way to go.

And that's right.

[Stromberg] Now many will
many may think,

how does the youngster
know that? But,

I can assure you, I know

what it means to start
to start all over again, because I am divorced.

Of course, today you can be
to be sentimental. My grandfather

used to say:
"It wasn't all bad back then."

[Stromberg] And you should also be able to say this
be able to say and therefore a few more pictures

of my... yours...
of our Capitol.


Life is like our
Parking at the Capitol.

Very short, very dirty,
But at least for free.

[amused laughter]

In the little movie about our Capitol.
I'd like to show it all sometime.

We start in the canteen, and there.
it still tastes the same.

bad as back then.

[All laugh.]

[Disco music]

[Disco music]

[Guests conversing]

[Wehmeyer] Mr. Stromberg, would you come
Come over here for a moment.

Yes, you did a good job.

[Wehmeyer] - Yes really, excellent!
[Stromberg] - Yes, it was nothing special.

But, that was clearly more original than
what one normally gets to see.

Maybe we can
expand on that.

So direction company spokesman
something like that?

Come on, he did a good job.

Yes was all right, I must say.
I didn't expect it then.

So, a beginning between you,
we now celebrate.

The beginning of a wonderful
friendship. Bogart?

Casablanca? Don't you know it?

Well, then I am Bogart
and you are Ingrid Bergmann, yes?

The kiss, we leave it out, please.


Speaking of kisses, Mr. Stromberg,
may I introduce you to my wife?

- Stromberg.
[wife] - Pleased to meet you.

And there's the camera.

- This is my wife Mr. Stromberg.
- Mrs. Becker...

[Wehmeyer] Where is your flame now,
Mr. Stromberg?

Oh, she had to go abroad
abroad at short notice.

I am also glad, because so every
Evening wuppdidu me so 'nem Premiumfeger

is also... Since one can drink in the evening times
drink a beer with your buddies.

So, Humphrey Becker, beer with me
that's what I advise you.

[Stromberg] - Get rid of that puddle.
[Wehmeyer] - Here's to a fresh start here.

They have already done all that
with the approvals.

Nic... Nic... Mrs., uh, Rückert!

Ulf and Tanja have done all the
already done all the registrations!

[Nicole] You did not want
to be there!

[Stromberg] Outside...

- Because you're embarrassed with me!
[The microphone turns on.]

I'm good enough for you for bed
and that I make you something to eat.

[And fruit, but everything...
Others you don't want!

[screams] And I don't care,
whether they realize that now or not!

[Stromberg] Now stop it
here so 'nen...

You know what, I'm going to
transferred anyway. First thing tomorrow.

[Stromberg] - Yeah... That's all, um...
[Nicole] - Let me go...

Every man lives better without women.

Except now maybe a gyne...

But otherwise everything is shit
with the females.


I am for the time being
through with the women.

[God knows there are
enough other people.