Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 3, Episode 1 - Jennifer - full transcript

[clears throat]

Does that look good?

[speaks English] Hello again,

in the claims department
I myself have been there now since,

two and a half months and it was a
was a decision from the very top.


You have surely seen the commercial
seen it before...

Yes, kids, then

daddy will show you
what he has done.

[from TV] women?

There should be no skimping on it,
so if they let you get at it.

...Bernd Stromberg recommends the new
dandruff shampoo from...

That ran yes everywhere, and is
yes also advertisement for the Capitol.

They saw that up there, too.

I am for them what Verona Feldbusch was
was for the creamed spinach.

Or a Franz Beckenbauer
for... anything... possible.

In this respect, here I am again!
Like a cat.

When you think that it's over, I still have
I still have five lives up my sleeve.


Do you want me to show again?

As for the whole bunch,
not much has changed.

It's like a cemetery, once you have
once you have a place, you stay.

Back there our lovebirds, rather
Turteldrosseln, but themselves to blame.

Love in the office, that's like
Champagne from a sippy cup.

You don't have to be surprised
when it stops tingling.

On the other hand, sparkling wine is sparkling wine
and still better than sausage water.

Freeze, office police!

Violation of office rules §1:
Never be more attractive than the boss!

Oh, but it is difficult
in the department here.

[Stromberg laughs]

She is as cheeky as an oskar,
Mrs. Sh...

This is Jennifer Schirrmann, and these are
are the ones filming here, don't worry.

I didn't.

Jennifer Schirrmann, that is a
trained insurance...

- Specialist.
- Ah.

She did take time off because of

Marriage and child and PiPaPo.

But now the marriage
has fallen apart, yes?

And now she is trying
to get back into the job.

It's quite normal nowadays.
So, from single to single.

- I have to go here for a minute...
- Yeah, sure.

Yes, from time to time there comes
a little bit of life in the cemetery.

[Nicole] - Are they filming you again now?
- Huh?

Is this like last year again,
that they are filming you with the camera...

[Stromberg] - Ah, yes.
- I saw that on television.

[there is a clatter in the background]

I was also seen briefly.

Here. I have you times
I picked out for you, adhesive damage.

Great, that's sweet of you.

There you can see well how we
according to the new system.

Yes, I'll have a look at it right away, a lot has
a lot has happened in seven years.

If you don't know what to do next,
I can also...

Yes, thank you.

[Ulf] As far as actually.
all is well with us.

[Tanja] Yes.

Ulf and Tanja are flying high!

He hasn't grown up at all,
well, maybe a bit.

I just gave away my beer can collection
that was really good!

- But not one book has it.
- There is no book about beer cans.

- But I didn't want to get a hundred --
- One hundred and twenty-six beer cans.

We want to move
move in together.

- What do you mean, you don't?
- Yeah, sure.

- Yes... great.
- Nah, move in together, ole, ole.

[Ulf laughs]

Yes now, so

times without shit, we move together,
so we do.

We are also looking for a joint
It's about time.

[Lars] Whereas you can't see so well.
how the system works.

I think so, though...

- I can show you some tricks.
- Oh, I'd love to.

I don't know what I'm doing, and I have to work on the
I have to work on the test case until Thursday.

- As I said, I can also...
- Yes.


What is here again for
a pack... Boom?

It's about the adhesive damage,
the test.

- So that they see that I--
- For you, it's pipifax.

Let me see,
so yes, I can also...

- Thank you, that's very--
- If you... Yes, but that's me!

Cross between Brad Pitt and St. Martin.

Like an office bartender, always
there when needed.

Or at the woman.

Do you know these dogs? They arrive
like this, without a barrel,

but with 'ne file.

[Stromberg makes dog noises]


- Woof, woof, Ulf, Ulf!
- [Jennifer laughs]

Zack, saved someone again.

Oh, Mr. Becker!
We're talking about adhesive damage here.

- Can I talk to you?
- Woof!

When it all starts like this again!

Goes but not, the Mrs. Schirrmann
had a little problem.

I have assigned Mrs. Schirrmann to
Mr. Heisterkamp.

- Ernie got it in the marble...
- You are on probation here!

I heard that you are back.
Hello, Wehmeyer.

So, is it getting busy here again?

[knocks] What splendor for our hut.

Our advertising icon.
Hello Mr. Stromberg.


- Trouble?
- No, not so important.

These are difficult times for the
Insurance industry, so are

are identification figures
for our group

of inestimable importance.
And that's how I see Stromberg.

- That's how I see Stromberg.
- Capitol. Carefree for life.

That's right, Capitol.

[Yeah, um, I'm making a

So people can...
Because the mood is not good right now.

You really have to say that.

Like everywhere, the group makes
huge profits

and at the same time people are laid off
and more work for less money.

That's why I want to join the
Works Council, because it doesn't work like that.

Oh, is that what you
told me about?

I would also like it if you would document this
would document this more closely.

[Erika] Oh Ernie, a bit again.
got late, ne?

- I have already prepared everything.
- I don't care.

And that can be off in a minute, there.

- Doesn't get any better with him, ne?
- Ne.

I'm getting really worried about
worried about Ernie.

Hello Ernie!

[Bert] I don't want to do this anymore.
doing it. Overall. Everything.

After all, this has no...
Doesn't do any good.

I can't do it anymore either.
From my whole inside.

[Ernie] So there...
it just doesn't work anymore.

My mother is...
suddenly and unexpectedly...

Mom is no more.

I gave her for Christmas an
electric blanket...

Because she was always so cold.

Lately she was a bit
incont... so, that she's been so

difficulties with the
holding water.

And then at night she has to....

And then there was a short circuit
in the electric blanket,

and that's why the mummy then...

[takes a deep breath and stifles
stifles crying]

- Did you get in trouble?
- This is about to smell all over Italy.


- With Mr. Becker earlier, because you--.
- Oh, no. The Becker...

He's got it in for you anyway, and he's always
also so stupid, I think.

When you are at the top, the others
others always below the belt.

I have to live with that, but in the meantime
I have there so thick cornea.

- Because that would be unpleasant for me--
- Callus in the figurative sense.

So medically
with me, of course, everything is pico bello.

- Sorry, can I just briefly--.
- Below the belt?

[stilted laughter]


Yes, come here they are delicious.
Vitamin C and everything, mjamm mjamm.

Open it!
Keep opening!

So. You see, it did
did not hurt at all.

[Jennifer] I honestly don't think
I can't do this test.

- I'm probably just writing bullshit in there.
- Oh, just come to me!

Everything is open for you with me,
we do that.

- You are not allowed to do that.
- Oh, I have

up there such Karwenzmänner in the board
with Hans-Jürgen Wehmeyer.

- I may there so some.
- Can I also have a piece of orange?

[Jennifer] I can't accept that,
you'll get into the devil's kitchen.

[Jennifer] - But the coffee is...
- It's bad, speaking of the devil's kitchen.

- And this to me, I'm a coffee addict!
- You too? Och.

[Stromberg] Ernie! Here, we
have just heard from you...

Oh God, but he is
also an office amoeba.

Since his mother went over the
is over the river, it's completely over for him.

- Something like that is always...
- Yes well I mean

that's already...
how long ago was that?

[Stromberg] Two months? Minimum!

The first week I don't say anything, the second week
second week I also let pass

but if then the mummy with 180
years hands the spoon...

Here with me the woman was gone!

But after 14 days
again Remmidemmi.

I heard that and that has a
I'm going upstairs with it!

[I won't let you trample on my mother!
trample on my mother!

Ernie, now do it nicely
Calf compress, eat a Clementine.

No! I heard that with
my mother, and that's it!

Come on, now here ... Man!

I'm going all the way to the top with this!
Now don't here uh... make...

Come, yes, we'll go here...

[Whispering in the foreground, Bert
from the stairwell] What an asshole!

[Bert continues ranting in stairwell]

[Ernie] What a
nasty asshole that is!

[Ernie] Thick, nasty asshole!

- Stromberg?
- Yeah, I'll go up there in a minute.

- I think your effort is great.
- Someone has to do it.

[I don't believe it.
Meal time!

I have you everywhere... we wanted to
to look for the washing machine.

Yes, come on, let's also...

- Now I was alone at the Sommer.
- Oh, she sells the washing machine?

The horny summer
from the five, or what?

[Ulf sings]
I was 30 and she was 46

and I didn't know much about love!

And her name was...
[in chorus] Summer!

[Tanja] - You are really stupid.
- Yes, but no comparison to the summer.

I already did all the shit with
the kitchen guy alone.

I don't want that the whole
I don't want the whole thing to be on me.

Yeah, sure.

But I really can't leave here
away, I have to do things.

Yeah, here...
[all laugh]

Here, if a Muslim has any worries,
he can come here...

I find stupid now.

I do this
especially for you and then...

And that's why you didn't go?
You're really out of your mind.

This is really kindergarten, Ulf.

No shit,
now you are in real trouble.

Yeah, I think it's funny.

It would also be nice to have a becker box, where you can complain about the becker.
complain about the Becker.

Or Erika! So 'ne treat box with
Plunderteilchen in it for emergencies.

Or a photo of Prashant

with a surfboard and it says
"Indians can surf nicely here".

Yeah, surfing the internet just.

[both laugh]

[sound of the copy machine]

I'll go shopping later and you
can go to your yogadings, okay?

It's not like I'm your mother
Who runs after you and scolds you.

This is supposed to be our apartment.

You are not like my mother.
You're much better in bed.

- You are so stupid.
- How stupid?

So stupid, I give you
back to the animal shelter.

Mr. Steinker, as an entertainer you are
but you are not booked, right?

How now?

Look, there are streamers here,
this is not a butter ride.

What has he done, he has--

Here give the community fertilizer
and the work remains lying.

What about the tetraluxe,
with the repayment?

- With the teralux or what?
- Yes.

- Doesn't the Lehnhoff do that?
- Yes.

This is urgent! Go to the Lehnhoff
to the Lehnhoff and not sit here

and fool around with
Mrs. Schirrmann all the time.

So, Tanja, and for you
I have a task for you.

What's that?

- This is some kind of test.
- I don't understand.

The Jennif... Mrs. Schirrmann has to do such
a silly test.

Adhesive damage. I promised
to help her, but have a lot to do.

I am supposed to do the sample tasks for
the Mrs. Schirrmann?

What? No!

Officially, yes, you do it for me.

So now you do this
and then you bring me this.

[Coffee maker bubbling]

There are good days when I am already
well over it

and other days
where I don't...

Red cabbage is really bad.

I saw it earlier,
is back today, downstairs.

And this one has the mama... my mother,
Red cabbage could the...

Red cabbage I only need to smell,
then I'm already crying.

Yes, I don't need to go down
to go down.

I understand.

Or here...

The perfume, yes?

Do I want to give her for her name day....

- [Stromberg] Morning!
- [Jennifer] Morning.

Have a happy and
blessed working day!


[Ernie] All her life she
worked, my mother,

but from the pension she has had nothing
more had.

Since then
all this here also...

I mean, that doesn't do anything.

I do here and do here,
for years

and one day it's bautz!

- Mr. Stromberg.
- Right! Come along.

- Nah, I have to here now actually--
- Come along, come along, nope, nix!

Come, daddy has for both of us
a surprise.

[both laugh]

- Come with me, ne?
- Yes.

[Stromberg] So, now, here....

[Stromberg] Power, influence, fame.

that just seems sexy to women.

[Stromberg] - Expresso Machine.
[Jennifer] - Espresso...

Is fact.
Point one,

the age difference
doesn't matter at all.

You only have to look at what Helmut Kohl
when he was still chancellor

what he has nailed away

there is... Yes, it is.
But that is known.

[Stromberg] Secondly, we live today.
Thank God in times,

where one on so externals
nothing more gives.

[Stromberg] In former times such a would be.
like me would have been embarrassing.

In the old days they would have said:
"Oh Gottelchen!"

A man in his prime makes a fool of himself
makes an ass of himself because of a young woman.

There our society is
today is quite a bit further.

Or on the contrary.

Today it is like the King Kong.

Today the biggest
Monkey gets the hottest buckle.

And that, of course, suits me.

[Becker] Did you tell Ms. Seifert,
that she should work on the test case?

Kokoll, uh, Koll... Garbage!

I have offered Mrs. Schirrmann
only offered some help.

- With that you make yourself liable to prosecution!
- Because the Ernie for weeks...

there is the mother [whistles].

And that Ernie can't help Mrs. Schirrmann
can't help like that--

And that is the next point,
They were making fun of here.

Oh, my goodness!

Ask the
Mr. Heisterkamp up.

When my mother dies or a new
Apartment, both two days special leave.

This is madness!

My dead mother and a new
Apartment is not worth the same.

Ernie, now it's about
about what you told me.

Did you support Mrs. Schirrmann in her

I want my own office.
For myself alone.

Because nobody understands
for my exceptional emotional situation.

Yes, Mr. Becker,
because it doesn't work like that anymore.

I have already put my towel
I already put my towel on it this morning.

Meal. Have you already eaten this,
or do you still want to eat that?

Mr. Becker was with me earlier.

I am supposed to do another test task
he said.

And this thing is even more complicated.

With foreign settlements and so on
I can't do in a hundred years.

I would like to come back to your
I would like to come back to your offer. Will you help me?

Yes, that's no problem.

- Good
- Hm.

[Stromberg] For a good woman, you have to.
be willing to take a risk.

[Stromberg] If the Adam hadn't back then.
said "Oh, come on,

I don't care what God there
tells, give me the apple!",

I wouldn't be sitting here today at all.

[Phone rings]

[groans like a zombie]

[makes inarticulate sounds]

[rattles around]

There we make competitions
in copy paper running.

I'm department first in 20m.

This also looks
very professional.

Yeah, speaking of which, the test thing is going on,
that's in the best hands.

That's great, so actually
a little bit unpleasant--

- But that's good.
- I'm also first in massaging.

What is it?

- I have to go to the--
- But not now!

Is because of the repayment at Teralux.

I thought that was important.

Oh well, come on,
I'm done here.

- Thank you, that was great.
- Yeah.

Next time I might run with you,
mixed doubles.

[Stromberg laughs]

But I am also
a particularly stupid chicken.

I ran out here, the pen.

Tell me, Mrs. uh?
do you also do adhesive damage?

Yes, but at the moment I do
all the transfers

- for the external...
- Yeah, come with me.

- This should be ready by Wednesday.
- No...

Do I have to worry about it?

This looks a bit like
Preparation for suicide.

Nah, I have a viewing appointment
and I have to look serious.

Normally I wear them like this.

- Is that Bruce Springsteen then?
- No, Rambo!

[makes machine gun noise]

- Bye.
- Bye.

Come here Rambo.

[Cell phone rings]

Yes? Ne, I'll come there in a minute.

Yes Tanja, I know.

Yes, I'm coming, at 6
I'll be at the apartment. At the latest.

That's more like Elvis.

[imitates Elvis]

Dong, dong, ta, ta.


[Nicole] That's funny!

[laughs shrilly]

[makes sounds of joy]

- Can you still get it done?
- Yes!

There I make myself such a parting
and go as a man from the NPD.

- Have you never used gel?
- Not for the hair.

- What then, margarine?
- Shit we have it 10 before.

Either on time or look horny.

Also true again,
anyone can be on time, right?

[Ulf] There are 'a billion women.
in the world at my age?

Now just so in
the bag spoken.

And there you go crazy because of
a Tanja Seifert from the Capitol?

So I mean, she's totally okay.

She is super, Tanja.


[Ulf] It's like in the canteen.

There I also think today Schnitzel,
and then someone takes the spaghetti.

And I think boah shit,
Spaghetti would be much better!

[Ulf] Or schnitzel is kind of laff,
there is the Schnitzel,

the schnitzel...
that's totally okay.

Stop as always.

- Oh, Mr. Stromberg.
- Ach.

All done.

Oh, really?

Oh God, you have the whole...
the complete case...

They will think, what is
Schurmann for a nerd.

I can't make up for that
make up for it.

I'll think of something,
such a nice coffee, for example.

But not today,
another shot of caffeine and...

My heart is already skipping a beat.

Mine too, without coffee,
because of you, you, Jennifer.

- What?
- Well, it's...

Boah, I am totally out of practice,
I've been single for a while.

And this constant being alone,
every day every evening

at home with cold pampering.
And you are... You are...

how should I say, so others
I would have to drink so beautifully

as you are already sober for me.
And that's not all.

We have so much fun
with each other and all kinds of--

[Nicole] I think I broke the
broke the table.

It's not going down anymore.

Jesus, how stupid can
you can be?

I don't even know right now what--

If you want to milk a cow,
you have to get to the udder.

You have also noticed,
that there is more between us?

That's why I ask if we can meet
without obligation outside the Capitol....

Mr. Stromberg, that's really sweet.

Also how you took the trouble
have made, but

I think that would be
a good idea for now.

Don't be angry, I think you are great
and would like to come tomorrow

again for coffee, but otherwise...

Yes, I have to go now. I have promised
Ulf that I will drive him.

- Ulf?
- Yes, I have to hurry.

Thank you.

[Ulf] Can I maybe drive?

[Jennifer] I'll drive you there already,
do you think women can't drive a car?

[Ulf] - Well, the ones I know not so.
[Jennifer] - Then wait and see.

I got ink on my face,
all the time?

Oh why don't you say something?
How I look!


[Stromberg] Sex is like the Olympics,
being there is everything.

[Stromberg] Like the old days at Christmas.

[Stromberg] There you wish.
for weeks a Bonanza wheel.

and what do you get at the end?
A scratchy sweater.

And so it is with love or
generally in life, too.

You take what you get,
but you never get what you want.

And then you have to switch
and improvise.

But I always say that anyway.

Office is like jazz,
only without the music.

[Tanja] Because you don't feel like it.
to move in with me.

[Tanja] I specifically said that.
they are stuffy on it.

And you arrive like
the thing from the swamp.

Well Ulf, did you get away well yesterday
with Mrs. Schirrmann yesterday?

Always had fun, right?
With tie and everything.

[Stromberg] I have seen.

[I think that Ulf has never been
Ulf has never been in the company.


There I would have a
Wooden eye on it have, Tanja.

Now wait a minute!