Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 7 - Der Vertrag - full transcript

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If your company would switch to Capitol
we could offer you

with the volume
certainly accommodate--

[Stromberg] Absolutely!
We as Capitol would give you--

Show Mr. Althoff
the premiere table.

This is minimally calculated by us,

even the stingiest
Scotsman would get wet under his skirt.

Do you have more recent figures?
They are already 3 years old.

[Stromberg] Business is in my blood.

[Stromberg] You can't do that either.
learn! Such a thing you have or not.

Huppsala, there I have probably, um....

[Stromberg] Business is 'n talent!



Like playing the violin,
or breast size in women.

If there is nothing there by nature,
then there is nothing.

I knew very early on...
So not with 5 already to the insurance,

[Stromberg] but I already have...

Please leave it...

As a child with these
Soccer trading cards.

And not bad!

[Becker] I'll check my e-mails this evening
my e-mails tonight, yes? Thank you.

I'm sorry that it's so hectic.
but I have to go to the airport.

Professional meeting in The Hague.

Tax law... Well.

But we can keep talking,
when I get back.

[Stromberg] Yes, otherwise we can do that
also in the next few days--

You're not doing anything, Mr. Stromberg.



Obviously I can't even use you
even use you for presentations.

- Three years old numbers!
- That, there...

When I get back, we'll talk
we'll talk about your future here.

In what sense now future?

To put them somewhere where
They don't do any harm.

Mr. Althoff, thank you very much
for your interest, I'll be in touch.

- Goodbye.
[Mr. Althoff] - Goodbye.

[Mr. Althoff] - Have a good flight.
- Thank you.

Althoff, can I accompany you
accompany you to the front?

Doesn't lose any time either, huh?
Very efficient.

Yes, but we are
all here, that's um....

- I think it's a bit exaggerated.
- I think so too.

This is not my philosophy.

You know, working time

is also life time.

I see exactly the same.
The way is the goal.

The suitcase is the journey.

Et cetera pp. is exactly my talking.

And the way he treated you,
I don't know, I...

Uh, do you have a note?

[Secretary] Please...

You know, for me
the employees are

in my company are like my family.
I protect them!

No matter what
little things happened.

In my department I am
the hostel warden, so to speak.

First and foremost the dad,
secondarily the boss.

- Here... Not?
- No thanks.

There I have my mouth
already a thousand times linty....

Of course, he sees it quite differently.

- Why don't you let us continue talking in the front.
- Yes with pleasure.

So, goodbye Mrs. Kemper.

[Mr. Althoff] - Goodbye.
[Secretary] - Goodbye.

What is your
opinion about the contract?

Maybe we should
again in peace, so...

The two of us alone.

[Coffee maker bubbling]

So, very briefly, these are...
Hello!?

Here, pay attention here!

These are the results
from my working group.

And I would like everybody to
read through this and implement it.

Essentially, we're sending the VGOs
faster to the central office...

[Staff].
What's all this cinnabar about now?

I led the working group
and it is agreed,

that the results
will be implemented in a timely manner.

[Employee.]
Are there any warnings otherwise, huh?

That may well be.

[Staff]
Every day something new because of that shit.

So, daddy needs
a coffee first.

The point is that our
results are implemented.

Also from you.

Mr. Stromberg.

Ernie. Did you take those
bull hormones again?

[All laugh]

Yes... For reasonable questions
I am available at any time.

Does this also apply to the 2s
and 3s here, or...

Absolutely, for all categories,
except for the new customers...

[Excited conversations begin]

[Stromberg.]
Folks, don't be hasty to mutiny!

[Stromberg]
They're versatile,

you can, for example

fold hats out of it like that.

[All laughing maliciously.]

[Ernie] I have it very
long tried in good,

so the wiser
gives in and so on,

so in principle... like Gandhi.

Only that I just
ate normally.

But at some point, honestly!

My mother also said
that it does not work like that. That's right!

I mean where are we going?

And that's why I have to
a whole new set of pages... So...

[Erika] Now just call him.

First he tells me about
about taking a break, blah, blubb.

But I don't know myself what this is about.

Then somehow no break.
Then all of a sudden he wants to start with his

Boys go on vacation and think.
Shit!

Yes think, that's what my
Oller also said.

When he had something with the counter goat
from the clubhouse.

[Tanja] Great.

Yes, no, that's not what I meant.

- Ulf is completely different...
- He wrote a card:

"Yesterday I became Mr. Poolbar, I will drink the
I will drink the victory bonus today.

Weather is great."
Weather is great!?

Yes, men and feelings...
Oh honey!

[Do you have the number here
somewhere?

I'm not talking to him,
he should first--

Slow down, I'll talk to him.

He is probably sitting there now
like you and brooding

a hole in the head and you
just can't get together...

[Ulf on phone] Hello? Hello!?

Yes good afternoon, this is Burstedt
from Capitol Insurance.

You old house [laughs]

[Ulf on phone]
Shut the fuck up, I don't understand anything!

[Women's laughter and party atmosphere]

[Ulf on the phone]
Get the fuck out of here with that fucking suntan oil, yo!

Ey, Connie, ey!

Connie stop, that's enough!

Now give my phone,
give me my phone!

[female giggling all around Ulf]

[Ulf on phone] Hello, is there anyone--

Yes, Connie can
also be a man.

Konrad for example...

[The fax machine rattles]

Mr. Althoff!
Come, be amazed.

- Coffee? Or other cold drinks?
- No, thank you.

- Wait, let me help you.
- You want to go on a trip?

Huh? Oh, no.

This is... private. Is with me
a little difficult right now.

My marriage has lately
rather suboptimal lately.

Yeah, I know. I have also
just a divorce behind me.

- In the end it just doesn't work anymore.
- I lived in the hotel for three months.

[Stromberg] I also said to my wife.
I also said to my wife: "Honey, come on, then do it.

a shoe museum out of the bedroom,
I don't want to disturb you in the process."

Well, I guess we had the same woman.

[Both laugh]
Come on, take a seat.

The main thing is that things are right in the office.
The office family is more reliable after all.

- My talking.
- I have noticed several times.

Absolutely, when I look at my sheep
in between times, then

I accept a broken marriage for it.
Cookie?

[Staff]
Ernie, you are completely crazy!

At this level we don't need
talk any further here!

[Tanja] - I just don't believe it!
[Ernie] - Yes why, who does not want to hear,

he, uh... also does not need to eat.
Very simple.

You can't just
lock the refrigerator!

Yes, I can, if you
do not implement my suggestions!

Next comes the microwave oven,
and so on!

As a captain you also have to be
dramatic, uh, drastic...

You also have to
tip one overboard, and so on.

Yes, and if you do not finally...
Then it's over

with cold bananas and yogurts,
and so on!

Yes, and, and...
Let's see then!

[Stunned conversation]

From this table you can
see how this is done in your family....

Uh, company, looks like.

[An alarm clock rings for a break.]

Och, the clock.

My department gave it to me
my department gave it to me for my birthday.

Here like this:
"To the best boss in the world."

[Stromberg] It's nice.

Mr. Stromberg, you wanted a
You wanted a copy of the premium table?

Oh no, I already have it myself.

No, the green ones are only internal.
You wanted one for the customers.

Oh, uh, yes Althoff, then I would have to
I have to tell you this again...

But that's how it is here, the
the department behind the boss, right?

A mistake is, bang!
immediately ironed out. Ne Erika?

What is that?
[Erika laughs]

"To the best boss in the world," there you go....

For the next birthday
maybe a quieter present.

- Which department?
- Yes, Erika, come on now....

Yes, yes, it's fine. I'll get back to you...

They are all like that here.
Why don't you take a seat?

Well, I know this from my company.

Hi! Sabine, accounting.
We used to...

[Tanja] Yes, yes, I know.

I have a process here, something has been
something has been accounted for incorrectly.

Ulf did it,
he is on vacation at the moment.

Yes, but it must go out this week
this week, now I ask you

if you can take a look at it.
You do liability, don't you?

Yes, but I
don't know the process.

But that would be really important.

Oh, here, the map!
This is from Ulf, right?

He sent it to me, too,
but he wrote total nonsense.

"I am Mr. Poolbar and
Premium we drink today.

Weather great."
And premium with "h".

That is ech 'n nutcase the Ulf, ne?

Tell me, are you actually still
together? He has given me the other day

told me something, I am
not quite figured out...

[Ernie] No, not like that, Erika!

According to my new plan
we put the VGOs directly in the general folder

and send the
then up, like this, here.

Now don't muddle around
in my process!

Shoo, shoo, shoo!!!

Oh, you are really
really crazy now, aren't you?

The refrigerator
is also completely...

I want that here times made
as I say and Basta!

I'm tired of being laughed at
to be laughed at! Nope!

I have achieved something and the
work group went well.

And I want that to run when
Mr. Becker comes back!

I have heard that it is about
again about the whole positions.

Yes, you were already
already in kindergarten, ne?

When nobody played with you,
you broke the toy.

Yes, Erika, first of all, that's not true at all.

and secondly, Mrs.
Gretenkord always played with me.

[Erika laughs]

That was the attendant!

[Erika] Gretenkord, yes yes....

So Ernie. No more fun.
Give me the key.

I'm hungry!

Nah, first you implement
my new system.

[I bet he has hidden it
hidden it very cleverly here!

[Ernie] - Hands off Josef, there is nothing here.
[Erika] - You have to tickle him!

[All go for Bert]

[Staff] Key!!!

[All tickle him]

[Stromberg] Give it a rest,
you assholes!

Tell me, are you crazy!?
I have a business meeting here!

[Erika]
The weirdo hit me!

[Ernie]
The assholes tickled me!

Yes, because he locked the fridge
locked!

[Stromberg] As a boss you must.
be able to react flexibly.

What's going on, anyway?

They do not want to
my system.

They will implement your system
implement, but not now.

[Stromberg] I'm ready at any time,
to turn myself around 360° or even more.

I need quiet in the whorehouse now.
What do I need?

- Rest in the whorehouse.
- Like this.

- What if--
- I need rest now...

[Stromberg] That's what I mean by flexible.

[Stromberg] And I don't mean,
that you can

Sucking up to the customer.
I don't.

But if an
important customer says to me:

"I would prefer if
here were all green."

Then I'll go get
a bucket of paint.

Then do Ernie a favor
and join in with his thing.

At least until I have the deal
under roof and closed.

With this noise I can't negotiate with
I can't negotiate with a major customer!

- Yes, but the Ernie has--
- Yes! The Ernie is

stupid, we know. But I need
harmony now, damn it!

But if we speed up the VGOs--

You do now as Ernie
has written and silence!

Damn me another one!

[Dishes clattering]

I have looked, this is no longer available
no longer in my size.

[Yes, I was already here before
here, I just got something!

[Employee] - I don't know anything about.
[Tanja] - She likes to push in front.

[Sabine] - What do you mean?
[Tanja] - It's like that.

[Sabine] - How, "is so"?
[Tanja] - Generally put it in the back.

[Sabine] Huh, tell me, am I crazy now?

Oh God! Because your guy has written
has also written me a card!

- Can we move on here?
- Countess Blondie must be here now....

Hey, now give me a break, really!

Do you think I didn't
what was going on in the course?

This is even more warmed up
than the food here!

And the SMS in between.
Do you think I am stupid?

I think you are PMSing right now.

What now, mud wrestling or what?

[Everything falls to the ground]

Man, really.

[Sabine throws the broken pieces on tray.]

[Coffee machine bubbles]

Man, there I want to show my department
show and my best power howls.

- I just got excited--
- Yes, rightly so!

The Sabbel there, that's
but the fun stops!

I will personally see to it
see to it that it is moved.

Nah, it was just about something private.

Yes no, come on.
So this...

You know very well, I always
I always stand up for my people.

And I know the boss of
the accounting department there very well.

And he is supposed to...

- So, come on.
- Really, that was not...

Jochen?
Jochen old shithouse!

It's me!

Listen, I have a little problem
with the Sabbel, the Buhrer there

from your pile,
you is no longer bearable.

Bernd.

Stromberg.

Out of the house here!

Damage regul...

Yes, or so.

Yes is good, bye.

I will settle this with him in private.
So Mr. Althoff, shall we?

[Staff] Tomorrow.

Yesterday I sat down again with the
departments again yesterday

and we have a good solution because of
the disclaimer.

I would be happy if
we could conclude today.

Yes, me too.

I would also like to come to
I would also like to come out to the company.

No problem, I like to see how others
deal with their employees.

Mr. Stromberg, thank you again
How you stood up for yourself yesterday!

It's obvious, Ernie!

If one of my
People makes a suggestion,

he always has support from me!

This is Mr. Althoff, this is
Ernie, a very good co-worker.

So actually Bert. Berthold.
Heisterkamp.

Pleased to meet you. Sympathetic department,
you have here.

Yes, although there are also many
are, which humanly seen--

Yes. Ernie is great,
a bit like the Frog Prince,

so actually a prince, but
trapped in his body...

This is more of a cluster of cells here.

It's all in good fun.

Yes, we also often say strombosis.

Or Saddam we also
often said, because he was always so...

We laughed ourselves to death, of course,
because nobody takes seriously--

Yes, Ernie, come back to work
like adults,

we still have to
a little bit among ourselves...

- Water?
- Yes.

I didn't say anything about transfer!

To Darmstadt, too!
Darmstadt of all places!

That already sounds like...
Darm. City.

I would never have thought
that he would pull this off.

Ner normally never does
what he says.

Darmstadt!
What a shit!

As I said, it was not my idea.

Listen, there is nothing going on with Ulf and so.

So now not only because I
don't want to go to Darmstadt.

Ulf is a totally loyal sock.

- Mhm, Mr. Poolbar.
- That's just for show!

Listen, he loves you.
He told me so himself.

What?
Why does he tell you something like that?

Oh God, now I have to
to Darmstadt!

Nah, no shit now,
he told me the other day.

Maybe the idiot could
tell me something like that.

I'll tell him on our next date.

No fun! Hello, I was joking!

[Sabine] No, as I said.
I am really sorry

the number in the canteen and so.

Okay, and I'll talk again with
Stromberg about Darmstadt.

[Sabine] - Yes, please.
[Tanja] - How about Pirmasens?

- Stupid skank!
- Trulla!

Hey, bitch!

[Both laugh]

[Stromberg] Boy, who is he talking to all the time?
all the time?

Yes, the old man has signed here
signed here, that's why I'm

to see his stupid face,
if I give him this...

Then here is also times piano of
because of Stromberg and damage and so.

Yes, now he hung up.

- Well Mr. Becker, how was it in The Hague?
- Mr. Stromberg!

Did you give the Belgian
Belgian french fry faces?

The Hague is in Holland.

Anyway, I was not idle
and negotiated something here.

- What is this?
- Yes, look what it says here.

Hans Georg Althoff.

Practically everything accepted that we
discussed here.

I had said, nevertheless, expressly,
that you do nothing here!

Yes, but when you were gone,
the Althoff said to me

that he is not at all
right with the waiting.

And there I
perhaps worked on!

And yes, you should
forge while he is hot.

And there it went back and forth.

And back and forth, and at the end I said
I said: "So, Althoff

Tits on the table!" I said.

[Stromberg] Kids, I feel like.
Jesus on Easter Sunday.

Really. Ne?

Everybody had already
written off, but after three days, so

Comeback. So right, where
nobody expected it anymore.

So... Hello...
So this is really...

There you notice first of all,
what a load it was before!

Inner.
Also so... psychically!

Everything falls off of you now.

This is fun, I must say.

[He makes fart noises.]

I'm just kidding!

[Piano music and vacuum cleaner]

So master. Me boss!
Make mermaid paper shit!

Here, big office,
normal people, paper shit.

Thought along and had fun.

Also from an office messenger
one could expect--

Oh, all the VGOs that came back from the
Head Office have come back!

Yes, they come into rotation there,
because nothing is agreed.

Here, with Ernie's super innovation.

So we send those without ones
directly to the central office, yes?

But they can't create a PV that way.

- And what am I supposed to do with that?
- Yes, Mr. Becker said on his own.

- Why does he know about it?
- He is pissed off, yes?

Because in the head office the computer
because of this stuff.

And they have
clearly complained.

[Well, Mr. Stromberg?
Everything clear?

Come on, now cut the crap,
rather look at your innovations, there.

- Why, what about it?
- The head office is pissed off!

- Why?
- Because you haven't clarified anything!

We send this without PV

- To the central office...
[Ernie] - What?

The control center cannot create the
PV for it!

[Ernie] - Holy shit!
- Yeah, shit, go figure.

So, the whole fuck is working overtime,
until the shit hits the fan.

[Stromberg slams the door,
Erika hums contentedly]

Hey, Schnupps.

Hey, what are you doing here,
I thought you were coming tomorrow!

I flew a day earlier.

[Tanja]
Couldn't stand it anymore, without...

[Ulf]
Has only shipped the last few days.

Say, I still have a
Spare key for the apartment.

[rattles key ring]

So what's it been like here all this time?

Yes, quite a bit...

You look good,
I must say.

Yes, I was the first days only in the
Sun, - and cut hair a little bit.

Ulf, really.

Can't you say
"But you too" or something?

Did you at least bring me something?

Let's go out for a minute.
Very briefly.

Did you bring me something after all?

[Tanja] Something bigger?

[Ernie]
So. Who was that here?

Who gave me this... uh?

There are also private
Things of me with it!

And this... Ooch...

Here, this...

If there is something of broken or so!

I have a legal protection insurance!
There you can all ...

I have to work overtime
as you do!

So, this is
all crumpled here now...

And you're going to Turkey especially for this?

For "I think it is better
if we break up" or something.

With words, that's just
not my thing.

With me is also not
your thing, is it?

Yes, in principle, but...
Boah man...

You know what I mean.

In declarations of love
you were already not good.

But in breaking up
you are total shit.

[Ulf] relationships are from before,
Where people became 30 at the most.

[Ulf] So for our present
life expectancy this was not meant at all.

[Ulf] And that's why it's so
hard to commit yourself there.

[Ulf] Because there you have
so many possibilities and there you think,

[Ulf] maybe there is
something better again.

Or just something else.

It's like on a highway,
if you don't know your way around.

and there you think
I take now the exit

or do I wait for the next...
exit?

I always decide
from the gut.

Wagner said that you wanted to transfer
Buhrer to be transferred to Darmstadt.

Yes, there was an
There was an incident where I--

[Becker] You can't just
have someone transferred!

[Stromberg] I know Mrs. Wichorski
quite well, and she regulates such things.

under the table, so that I...
But in the meantime I have

yes back... uh.
The Sabbel stays here!

I always say Sabbel,
because Sabine Buhrer--

[Becker] Mr. Stromberg, do yourself
all the VGOs that have come back.

[Becker] And bring them
back into the old form!

But I have already told the people
that there will inevitably be overtime--

You do that.
And all by themselves.

And I will see to it that you are
all powers are denied.

[Stromberg's break clock
begins to chime]

That's, that's...

[Stromberg] As good as gone.
That's just, uh....

[the clock chimes Time for a break!]

[Bert makes groaning sounds.]

[He strains mightily]

Man!