Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 3 - Der Kurs - full transcript

[Stromberg loudly]
Then don't do it, honey.

[Stromberg] Oh please,
then I won't call you honey anymore!

Then let it stay, Birgit.


[Stromberg closes the door]

That's some monkey shit!

We have the restructuring

of the claims settlement
halfway successfully,

[Becker] At this point,
many thanks!

[All applaud]

[Becker] The process is not yet
completely finished.

We will take one more
important step...

towards this process
undertake and--

That's right, we're going to--.

change the archive.
There's a new system--

That's not what I meant, Mr. Stromberg.

I mean the new billing and
simulation program.

That too, that's right...

the new billing program...

Dear me,
I don't even understand the old one...

Don't worry Mrs. Burstedt, that's why
there is for every employee...

of this department, introductory courses.

Introductory courses for everyone,
that runs--

[Becker] In the process, everyone has to
pass a test.

That's how it looks.
If you don't pass, you don't get transferred...

Of course you do the course
and the test too.

Yes, that's not a problem...

I won't let you write it off though!

Since I helped to develop the system
I will not participate in the course.

[Stromberg] I will send mails around,
how it will work...

I already sent mails to everybody,
thank you very much.

Thank you...

[Conversation in the canteen]

[Conversation between IT experts]

[Conversation between IT experts]

Meal time!

Aren't you doing this computer conversion
in the department?

- Yep.
- Cool!

I find that... uh, rad.

Look at that old lady! She has bells...

I would like to be the bell ringer!

So, now watch out, there is
this new system...

we have to make such a shit test...

I said, this test, any bet,
can be done... Right?

- Or?
- Turk the test?

I have some older ones,
they are afraid of the test.

[IT staff]
It's definitely not allowed.

If I were to go by that,
I would have missed out on some chicks in my life.


[IT staff]
I would log in via ATO,

then via the Nexus page,
there are probably threads and blogs...

[IT staff] The system is also
quite simple, manage already...

[Stromberg] It's not about me...

[My father
has recently

on his computer Power Point
on his computer...

Like "my father" -- uh,
why your father, now?

How old do you think I am?

[IT employee] I don't know, so...

- Mid, late 40s--
- [Stromberg] Late 40s!!!

Tell me, do you all smoke pot nowadays
your brains out these days?

I think I'm in trouble now! And you?

Well then early 40, or what?

Most say mid/late 30's,
depending on the light...

- Late forties!!!
- We need to get some too.

[Stromberg] I think you also have to

[Chairs are moved]

[Stromberg] youth is being overridden in our
Society completely overestimated...

[Stromberg] Just imagine,

We would have a twenty-year-old
Federal Chancellor. Disaster!

Late 30s, early 40s... [mumbles]

[Stromberg] This whole youth craze.
is nonsense.

[Stromberg] Just because the forehead always.
gets higher,

I don't have the same feeling,

that the cemetery gardeners
are running after me. On the contrary...

If now a fairy godmother would come
and would say...

If you want you can become
20 again...

There I would say,
"Old lady come on, get the hell out of here!"

[Tanja explains]
Wednesday and Thursday

[Tanja] Mr. Stromberg,
you are also in the course on Wednesday?


Oh, the nonsense, it can be...

[What if you really fail the test?
really not pass the test?

- [Tanja] I don't know.
- [Stromberg] I can kick her out.

[Erika] Maybe we fly

- You have to pass the test first, too.
- [Stromberg] Don't worry about that.

I realize that I'm too old
for this computer nonsense...

You are also an older man,
Mr. Stromberg!

Erika, when the paint is off a woman,
the man is still in full juice.

Biological fact...

I read that the brain
on average from 40

can process new information
can process new information less easily....

On average, Ernie. But I guess I'm...

I can still compete mentally with any
with any young kid.

This is all here...

You can fry an egg on it...


Feel free to touch!

Now look at yourself in return...
Ernie show me!

I don't want to do that.

Nonsense now, we are a big one.

- But I don't want to--
- Yeah, me neither.

We're talking about brains over 40 right now....

There [Laughs.]

[Vacuum cleaner and
Coffee maker noise]

Tanja, I am writing
"the whole world is better,

that is only because of Vanessa".
What do you think about that as a woman?

[Ulf] If she answers that,
she is really out of her mind.

You could also be romantic for once....

- For example, I can burp your name....
- Yes, great!

Oh man, oh man, oh man....

I don't pass either way. When I
started here there were still index cards!

[Yes, at that time bread cost
still cost ten Reichsmark...

[Sabine] Hello!

Does a girl from the accounting department
still get asylum?

Here look... Erika...

this is Ernie, you know him,

-[Sabine] Hi.
- Hello.

[Ulf] This is Frank.

[Sabine] Hello.

[Ulf] Oh yes, Tanja here...

[Naumann] Well, good morning
all together...

I am Kerstin Naumann
from ATO Software.

We have in close coordination
with your company,

the new billing program

Which you will use in the future.

In the next few days I will
the system in the next few days.

Tomorrow we will do 'a little test whether....

- [Stromberg] Meal.
- It would be nice...

[Naumann] if in the future
everyone is on time.

Yes, it would be nice if the cow
would still lay eggs.

- But she doesn't.
-[Naumann] What is her name?

[Stromberg] I run the store...
I don't have time for these fisimatenten.

- Stromberg.
- [Naumann] Mr. Stromberg.

[Naumann] I don't know
whether it is clear to you.

[Stromberg] Yes, it is clear.

Come on, let's crack,
the sooner we are done...

Can I talk to you for a moment
outside for a moment?

[Stromberg] If you let the butter
from the bread,

[Stromberg] you have sometime
not even the bread anymore...

Career is not absorbent cotton blowing....

When one or a...
come stupid, you have to give them...

[Stromberg] come even more stupid because,

otherwise you hang there like Jesus
on Good Friday...

[Naumann] Maybe they
not clear...

I am writing a report to
Mr. Becker

and if it says
that you appeared drunk...

Drunk is first of all nonsense,
I have yesterday at most...

Shall we go straight to Mr. Becker?

The pigs have actually
alcohol into my beer...

[Naumann] Mr. Stromberg...

One sits in the pub,
is addressed...

I can imagine,
you have also experienced n' few times...

I have just a little stress
with my thing, uh wife...

I think I still have
mint drops in my...

[Tanja] What is that for 'ne number?

[Tanja] What is that trulla doing here?

[Ulf] I don't know, she must also do
to do the course...

Coincidentally the same day as you, yes?

- We met the other day--
- You're out of your mind, aren't you?

- She's just sitting in class!
- "Oh here... Tanja". [She mimics Ulf.]

As if I were a houseplant
that has a name...

Should I now dance your resume
or what?

No, you could have just said
"this is my girlfriend".

Do you think I didn't see
how she kissed you?!

So, now come back
down girl!

A hundred years ago I was with Sabine
for three minutes,

don't come now and open a barrel--

[Naumann] Can we move on--?

[Stromberg] It goes on!

[Stromberg] We have briefly
discussed something, now, everything is clear...

Tanja, shall we have a look at the pointy system?
take a look?

Oh, someone is having her period, isn't she?


She is also so "outside Mrs. Merkel,
inside n' piglet".

Here, the computer aunt...

Sticks to me again...

Too many women, too little time...

- Mr. Stromberg!
- Running...

[Naumann] Remember,
a category 2 damage,

[Naumann] on a new customer,
which the central office has already filed.

[Naumann] This is a bit
more complicated than before...

[Naumann] Mr. Heisterkamp, yes very good....

Here also very good...

Mr. Steinke, as I said, category 2...

You get wrong numbers,
if there is a wrong base in front...

[All typing on the keyboard]

- Here also very good...
- [Ulf] Yes, I know myself.

Pssst... each for himself first,
we'll get it.

Mrs. Buhrstedt...

- that's not it yet at all...
- Yes...

I told you,
I'm too old for this...

- Don't worry, we'll get it.
- [Stromberg] That's what I always say...

[Naumann] Mr. Stromberg...

Have you understood the task?

- A new customer...
- Yes...

That is... ?

Now you have me
on my back, eh?

But I like women who also...

Ahhh yes, good...


Now it is in principle all like
with the old system...

Maybe when I was a child
too hot as a child...

I don't know right now...

You have already worked with the
old system, didn't you?

So, now enter here
the KV number!

Right... [whispers]

Numbers not letters...

So here, good!

[Naumann] Don't forget
just take the running numbers over with you.

Here, you have to drag the numbers over here with
over here, Erika.

Oh, like that.

- Now you...
- Let me, let me!

[Ulf] N' changing oil on the highway.
At 180 km/h, no problem,

[Ulf] or the team line-up.
of the Germans, endgame '90, no problem...

but damage categories and
New additions and new customers and boah....

my feet fall asleep...

this is... boring as hell
and that's my job...

That kind of sucks!

[Sabine] I think,
Ulfi has to do detention...

[Tanja] Maybe
"Ulfi" was simply distracted...

[Ulf] I should have done something
with cars...

[Tanja] Yes, eyes
when choosing a profession--

[Ulf] I should have become gay--.

[Ernie on cell phone] I couldn't write so much
write so much, because I was in the course...

[Ernie on mobile] I told you...

[Ulf] I don't understand at all
the advantage of the new system...

[Tanja] Yes, you could see that...

[I can't even program a video recorder...
I can't even program a video recorder...

[Sabine] Who still has
VCRs today?

[See, that's what I'm saying!

[Stromberg] I also have DVD... great...

[Erika] It didn't help you
but did nothing for you...

[Oh, just now, that was blackout.
Cerebrum on vacation...

We are too old for all this
new stuff, ne Mr. Stromberg?!

Now stop it
with the drivel!

Old, old, old!
Everything I hear is old!

[Ernie on cell phone]
No, I you once more than you, yet!

I just meant, that we old people just
'n bit together--

I'm in my mid-fourths... uh, early 40s,
felt just short of the beginning/middle 30s,

and still fitter than
all the 20-year-olds here, right?

- [Stromberg] right?
- [Sabine] How should I know that?

Everybody here at the table knows, Sabbel...
I always say Sabbel...

[Sabine] What?

[Sabine] There is also nothing to know
to know...

[Sabine] We drank on Ulf's birthday
We drank champagne--

[Stromberg] That's not the point at all!

Compared to Ulf
I am at least equal.

[Stromberg] If not even, right?

[Ernie on cell phone] I'll pick you up.
I'll pick you up, too.

[Ernie on cell phone]
You hang,

[Ernie] Meal time!

[Stromberg] N' friend recently.
dropped dead off his bike during a fitness test.

[Stromberg] heart attack. At 44...

[Stromberg laughs] Anything can happen...

[Stromberg] I look in the meantime.
in the newspaper,

at the obituaries
according to the years...

And I must say, the impacts
are slowly getting closer and closer.

Sometimes I sit in my office and....

I could pack my stuff

and be gone within ten minutes
as if I had never been there...

There remains nothing...


now, I would easily win arm wrestling against
the Grim Reaper easily.


[Stromberg] Here, Ulf, what do you run
at a hundred meters...

[I bet you have
no chance against me.

[Ulf] I was not so
so bad--

[Stromberg] Then let's leave here....

[Stromberg] To the end
And with striking and back...

Now you want to know it in your old age
in your old age, don't you?

[Stromberg] Ulf, on your marks
get set!

What's up, Ulf ?

Now do it, Ulf, for 20 euros,
for the coffee fund!

[Sabine] Oh yes! Ulf, Ulf, Ulf!

- [Ulf] Now here or what?
- [Stromberg] Up to the camp and back!

[Erika] I could get pissed off...

[Ernie] If he runs like in the course,
we can already get a wheelchair...

[Ernie] I meant Ulf...

[Sabine sings.]
Ulf, we want to see you run...

[All cheer]
Ulf, Ulf! Pull, pull through!!!

[Sabine] Ulf!


Yes, you see...

[Ulf] He gave me such a fucking trolley

Yeah, my ass.

- Yes, yes about old days and so...
- This is really too silly for me.

- But for the coffee fund, no!
- [Stromberg] Yes...

[Coffee machine noise]

[Naumann] Yes, very good,
Mr. Heisterkamp,

if you continue to work so quickly,

you can still pick up
pick up your girlfriend later...

She just texted me that
she is going to volleyball and wants to--

Mrs. Burstedt, here now
Add in the caveat...

- Oh kids, I'll shoot myself...
[Neumann] - It will be all right.

Very good, good!

Mr. Steinke,
we have to do it again...

In which folder
did you file the first process?

Yes the three?
[Ernie laughs.]

Ernie. Now think again...

Mrs. Seifert has done it right.

Yes, very good!

Mr. Stromberg...

Yay, very good!

You have it now but probably
really out of it...

[Stromberg] I always had
always had such start-up problems.

[Ernie] Yeah, I had that too...

[Stromberg] When I was riding my bike I had
Training wheels for the training wheels,

[Stromberg] Yes, I didn't have a tricycle,
but a nine-wheeler...


[Stromberg] At some point I would have
been able to ride the Tour de France!

[Oh, in this life I don't get it anymore...
I don't get it anymore...

[Stromberg] Yes, Erika, with you I see
also rather dark black...

I don't know if I can still hold you
if you screw up the course...

[Erika] What?? I have--

[Stromberg] He who does not go with the times,
must go with the times.

It does not depend on the biological age


So, break is over!

[Ernie on cell phone.]
I have to, break is over...

[Ernie on mobile]
Kiss on the ear...

[Sabine] Oh, oh, doesn't look good....

[Ernie] Ulf's place is suddenly...
everything up here is sublet, huh?

[Ulf] Ernie, shut the fuck up...

[Naumann] A little more silence,
as long as everyone is still working, yes...

[Stromberg] But really! Marital quarrel
I also have at home.

Better do it by SMS like Ernie,
that is not so loud.

Mr. Stromberg, can I just ...

Did you write something
in your hand?

Can I see that for a moment?

[Stromberg] No, I don't like it that much...
that much...

[Naumann] Mr. Stromberg, please!


That's notes...

I don't need them...
they are only for...

That doesn't help you,

if you get the solutions
from the other group...

I have for your group anyway
another final test...

I see...

At your age, a certain fear
of computers is normal.

[Naumann] You will manage
even without tricks, I promise!

Dude?? What do you mean... ?

What does she mean by that?

[Ernie] ALT...

[Ernie] You have to press ALT, Erika.

Yes... good. [on cell phone]

- Oh, I was just about to...
- Mr. Stromberg...

[Stromberg] I wanted to... earlier,
that was...

This is normally not at all
my kind...

- You don't usually cheat?
- Nope.

I have quite a lot of theater at home....

privately with my wife
and with my father-in-law...

mentally and physically it goes rapidly
in the cellar...

You are very close to your
very close?

I am sorry, but that is for me
no reason at all...

Absolutely right...

Maybe we can start again
start again from the beginning?

- So you and me.
- Oh, thank you.

- Both of us?
- How may I understand that now?

I thought maybe something noodly....

At the Italian restaurant?

Talking again about the test,
about both of us...

I don't like to mix business and private
with pleasure...

Neither do I,
but only in this case it would be...

a "highly explosive" mixture...

Now let's be honest Mr. Stromberg,

I just have not had good experiences
with older men...

Yes, Why? How old are you?

12 or what?

Am I now grandpa Stromberg?
With one leg in the pit....

I think we better go
better go back inside.

I can still quite...

[Naumann] There are different
tasks for everyone.

You have as much time as you want.

When you have finished, print out
and hand it in.

I'll pass it through like this....

[Naumann] Good luck!

[Naumann] And off we go....

[Stromberg] I think,
I have adrenaline deficiency.

[Stromberg] Especially in exam and.
stressful situations, where with others...

[Stromberg] buckets
is poured out, there I am cool...

[Stromberg] like a dog's snout.

[Stromberg] That's also as a boss.
important, especially in such moments.

[Stromberg] not the same
going crazy like a meat grinder...

but always stay loose...

[Printer noise]

Whoa, yo, what the fuck?
Just like back in school.

Totally ey! I didn't understand anything...

- Yes, of course, you are also stupid.
- You must know it...

Of course, who is ticklish here,
is stupid...

[Oh, look at that...

Hey... Sniff!

What are you doing here?

Waiting for you,
thought we would go home together...

[Sabine] Yes, I'm off then...

I've been waiting for an hour....

[Door closes]

[Erika] Oh...
You guys are still here, what's going on?

Don't feel like going home?

Somewhere is my wallet.
I have to go there for a minute...

[Erika] Oh God.

[Erika] Oh, are you still there....

[Erika] Where is the woman...?

[Stromberg] Parking lot,
she is looking for something in the car...

I didn't think that
I would have finished before you, Mr.--

That really doesn't give a damn....

[Stromberg] Do you think in 20 years...
anyone will say...

"Boah, Stromberg, he has always made
the most beautiful accounts".

[Stromberg] My father-in-law is,

I don't know,

just 20 years older than me. He is
fell down the other day while putting on pants.

In a few years...

I might not be able to get into
alone into a pair of trousers...

and now I sit at this computer
with this cost center shit... [out loud]

[Stromberg cries] Then
I go home, my wife is bitching...

[Stromberg sobs]

Basis of calculation,
no one needs... [sobs]

[Erika] Oh, Mr. Stromberg...


[Erika] Maybe... here...

Yes, you must be here now I think....

first of all change the template...

so... then at the top of the menu
the one with the asterisk...

come... there...

And then here you still have to...

Include the reservation.

[Stromberg] Oh, so then
I know again. Thank you.

[Vacuum cleaner]

[Coffee maker]

You have all passed the course.

[Becker] I have the certificates here....

[Stromberg] Nobody would have
would have thought that!

[Becker] From what I have heard,
you were not the shining example.

[Stromberg] Oh, that...

[Becker] Be that as it may, Mr. Steinke....

[Ulf] Thank you very much.

[Becker] Mrs. Seifert....

[Tanja] Thank you.

Do you have stress with Tanja or what...?

Listen, in case of stress with the women,
call it a day...

- Women are a dime a dozen...
- Is just--

But, come on, I did it
and it's great...

- What?
- Yes, closing time.

I went home and said,
bang, honey, off.

That's it. You should have seen
my wife should have seen, so'n face...

- You are...
- Yes, moved out. And I tell you one--

[Becker] Mr. Stromberg...

I feel ten years younger since then,
no shit...