Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 1 - Herr Becker - full transcript

Yes, here we are again,
in the good old Capitol.

A lot has happened here
in the meantime, whereas I always say yes,

the shit changes,
but the flies stay the same.

We're even getting new flies now....
uh... employees,

because the claims departments
have been merged,

now I have the whole bunch
on my neck.

[buzzes like a fly]

- These are the K1 reports for the boss.
- Yes, always in the good room.

I'm supposed to hand these in directly to the boss,
because they are confidential.

Yes, that's what you did
did that, didn't you?

Yes, because they said,
that was such a sporty, younger person.

Yes, someone should stand here now
with a pacifier, or what?

That means you are Mr. Becker.

Ah, good morning,
Morning Mr. Stromberg.

Are you coming?

- Hello!
- Good day.

My dear Scholli,
the newcomers...

Like the Ossis. Come over,
have no idea

And ask you a hole in the head.

Mr. Stromberg, when is the
the seating arrangement?

You see? Because the Becker said
it would be ready when we come.

My wife also often says
she would be ready when I come.

Has Mr. Becker been here yet,
because I still need a release.

I don't know what he looks like,
I heard that he is still very young.

You are always as old
as you feel, Tanja.

Let's see the paper,
I'll sign it for you.

What is your name anyway?
Lehnhoff, Lars, Lars Lehnhoff.

- I think only the chief can--
- Yes, yes.

As far as I know,
you're not anymore, so--.

Mr. Becker is the head of the department,
You are only his deputy,

therefore you can
no longer release this, Mr. Stromberg.

Then don't. If you are so smart,
then turn on the savoy,

before you put such a shit
under the nose.

I have more important things to do
than to... with you moles... uh...

If they think up there,
they could give me now here so...

put an academic in front of the nose,
then I say please!


Only: office is war.

Yes, and war you win at the front.

And front-line experience he doesn't have.

The studied youngster.

That's why I'm very relaxed about it.
But very relaxed.

Yes, how does Jesus always say?
The second will be first.

If they want to push me
want to push me to the old iron,

I say, this pumpkin here
is still very juicy,

but very juicy!

We, um, are still together
for five months.

- For over six, but never mind.
- Mmh, feel like five.

Ah man Ulf, man!
Really now, do not always so firmly!

I already have bruises everywhere.

Okay, very carefully.

Due to the new colleagues
we also get a new seating arrangement.

Maybe some horny chicks will come,
I'd rather sit with.

Nah, I'll stay with you, of course.
[slaps her on the butt.]

Man, Ulf!

Tanja, I have diverted my phone.
In case an Annette calls,

you can tell her
I can tonight at nine.

- Yes okay.
- Annette? Your mother's alias?

Ulf, I have met last week
with more women than you.


Tanja, look here,
I have now also

here, a sensual-masculine scent

yes and this is a body spray,
so like deodorant but for everything.

How do you find that, so, as a woman?

- Honestly, a bit violent.
- It's intense, isn't it?

Yes with me privately is just.
quite a round piece of junk.

There I still wanted to thank,
That with the call from last time,

that it was sent like that.

So there were quite a few,

here, some women
have come forward, yes?

Here, well, the Gudrun
was a bit chubby

so also from the head,
but the Annette here, for example,

she has not sent a photo now,
but on the phone she doesn't sound chubby.

Yes, so I could then.

In the back, they're not so... now.
also chubby and so.

[Bert] Um, wait a minute!

So, ladies and gentlemen, very briefly.

Wait a minute.

So, kids...

Hello everyone.

Some know me
for a long time, as the boss...

these are the bigger colleagues,

because I pull the mutton legs of all those who do not
the mutton legs long.

and the others
will still get to know me.

As you can see
the atmosphere here is very relaxed...

And would be nice if it stays like this.

Thank you.

I um, I'm very good with people.

This is my weapon.

And with this I will
the Mr. Studiosus just once.... Zack

against the wall.

So, figuratively now.

I will definitely not let myself
without a fight to the old iron...

and my practical experience
with the processes here in the store,

that is practically also 'a weapon,
isn't it?

[Phone rings]


- I don't understand this.
- So, kids, questions about the seating chart.

Does that mean,
we are sitting in the damage group?

Golly, razor-sharp recognition
here by Miss Seifert.

- Has this been arranged with Mr. Becker?
- Oh God, it's him again.

- Mr. Lehnbach...
- Lehnhoff, Lars Lehnhoff.

Yes, so whenever there are questions,
first of all to daddy, right?

Because the Becker said last week,

the damage groups
are to be re-coordinated.

- Yes, I also heard.
--> Yes.

Yes, is... right.

- Then the plan makes no sense.
- Yes, that's what I mean.

Maybe we just wait
until Mr. Becker comes.

Ernie, where you sit with your fat ass
is sitting, it doesn't matter anyway.

It is done as on the note
and end of the road.

[mimics Stromberg.]

I can also here...

So first of all, the name is Bert.

I have told Stromberg
umpteen times.

Yes, and anyway, fat ass?
I have to say quite honestly--

I think that's a bit...

He always makes such remarks
about me.

Stromberg, yes, and some colleagues
often make jokes and stuff like that.

You seem to be well received by the
well received by the women's world, according to these letters...

Yeah, right?

Yes, some have also
interest in me.

Also as a man and so on.

You can look through everything.

Why don't you go to Stromberg
and talk to him.

What do you want me to say?

That he should change his seating plan,
because we want to sit together.

But you're better at that kind of thing.

- What kind of things?
- Well, talking and stuff.

- Ulf, really...
- What? Yes what?

Sorry, I am just, but
I can do other things better.

For example, I can lift
lift things.

Here, look here, like this.

Ulf, man, what are you doing?

Who with us in the relationship
has the pants on,

- is a stupid question.
- Ah, let me.

So, stupid term.

I would say she is with both of us.
in that relationship, the foreign minister.

And I am more

so, president now also not...

So she is in any case
now just so foreign minister.

- Tanja, we can talk about that.
- Great. Thank you.

I'm just the boss here, not a dictator.

Only if Mr. Becker now coordinates new
Coordinates new damage groups, then...

Ah, lirum, larum,
for you I am still the boss.

And this Becker I step on the feet,
if he does anything,

which goes against your interests.
For me, the human is always

the most important, that should
slowly got around...

- Mouse, what are you doing here?
- Well.

Yes, Tanja, this is my...
Honey, this is Mrs. Seifert

- From whom I told you...
- You were going to pick us up at 12 o'clock.

- Ah, was that today?
- Oh Bernd, I don't believe it

we have discussed this
still discussed.

Yes Tanja, you can have a look,

I am curious if you still want to sit together with Ulf.
still want to sit together,

once you are
married to him.

Papa Lorenz, how nice!
Always marching in!

Tanja, this is my father-in-law.
Papa, this is the...

Can you make
a chair like this for my...

- Do we know each other?
- Yes, it's good.

My father-in-law is a bit....

[Mrs. Stromberg]
Dad has Alzheimer's, not roof damage.

Yes, mouse, I know that, but the others
can't do that...

- Where are your blue pills dad?
- Eat what?

What to drink? Banana?
Delicious coffee?

Tanja, do you make
such a small coffee maybe

That thing there, is too warm.

Yeah, go ahead, take it off.

Family and workplace,
It's like nitro and glycerin.

- Like Bader and Meinhoff.
- Ah, the Bernd!

- Yes, good!
- How are you?

With each one by itself
you may be able to cope.

But woe to you if the two come together.

Then it immediately becomes dangerous. That's why
I am not in favor of mixing this.

I was in an office like that once,
35 years.

[both] Alliance.

I was head of...

- Head of...
- Yes, is--

These are yours.
Do you maybe have something to mop up?

[Tanja] There's a rag over there.

I'd like you to, uh.

- Oh, I'm sorry about that.
- It's no big deal.

That's not the issue at all,
Of course he has to go to a home.

Bernd, we've discussed this 100 times,
that we look at the homes today.

100 times is nonsense now.
Really, it is always the same with you.

Yes, I'm sorry,
that I don't have time all the time

For daddy's big loony bin tour.

- Just give me the car keys.
- Oh now...

Now wait a minute, Jesus Christ,
the old man is completely malle,

you can... now wait

I can't get an African...
There are not the car keys.

To make a real career,
you need the support at home.

This is extremely important.

So, and these are the K1 files,
they are strictly confidential!

If you want to climb Mount Everest,
then you also need the...

Natives there, dragging up all your junk.
hauling it up there.

And my wife is, sort of...

Yes, now not necessarily.
such a native.

Uh, but as I said,
the decisive thing is the human.

And there, I would like to say, there is already a kind of
between the two of us already a kind of

kindred spirit.
I think you can say.

So. Who was that? Who put the letter
the letter here about,

"I'm chubby, but I'd still like to meet you.
would like to get to know you." Who was that?

Is that Miss Piggy in the photo?

Yeah, that's not a bit funny,
that's flat, that's silly

and this... Ulf,
was that you again?

- What? I would never do that here.
- Ulf, now come...

I'm not listening.

This one is awesome hey, Laura,

old swede, ey,
legs to the ground, ey.

She really finds you...
No way, now no shit

"Dear Mr. Heisterkamp,

next to Tom Cruise and Ulrich

one of the most erotic men who" ...

but she has really a pig's claw,
Laura, writes something like...

Ernie, can it be
that this is your writing?

- What?
- Did you write the letter yourself?

- You wrote the letter yourself.
- Well, there...

This is too stupid for me Ulf.

Next to Tom Cruise and Ulrich Wickert!

Ulf, the cheese is not eaten yet.

I think so too.
My God, you are so sick, sick....

This is a case for Father Fly, yo.

Internally I'm just
sometimes sensitive. So.

And with such unfairness
I sometimes react electrically.

But... Ernie...

When... especially with new colleagues,
If you don't get in there right away.

Then the respect is equal
at the beginning.... whoosh you, it's gone.

And, and then you're standing there in your shirt.

My name is Berthold.

What, just because I laughed along?

That now I'm supposed to do this fucking seating chart
make, that is from the Becker.

Yes, also a very perfidious... uh...

No, he doesn't come in.
And says good day, nee.

He jumps me through the seating chart.
with his bare ass in my face.

And something like that is in the office, um, so.
Something like that is very bad style in the office.

I think so.

He promised me that we would continue
sit together, and now you're sitting there.

- I don't even see you there.
- You do.

Look, when I
my hair up like this

and in excited state
I am almost 1.80.

Yeah, I think it's totally stupid too,

but he has to change it one way or the other, because
he will never get through with Becker.

Yes, but if you don't go there now,
you sit back there again.

Now go!

- To Stromberg now or what?
- Ulf!

Yes what, man,
if he promised you,

maybe it is better
if you yourself go there... go there yourself.

I... yeah, sure,
I can go, too.

What kind of shit is this now?

Tell me, have you
fiddled around with this thing?

- Nah.
- This...

- Mr. Stromberg?
- Typical, 1A air conditioning,

but the copiers
are from anno Dünnemal.

I do not have to be
be treated like this,

by you either.

Come on, Ernie, now
don't go on my egg, too!

If the shitty seating arrangement does not stand
until the Becker comes,

then the first battle for me
already pfft and then, yes, then ...

Yes well,
then I go with it to Mr. Becker.

I have written down everything,
also what you said:

- "Where you with your fat ass..."
- Do you mean,

the Becker can traipse over the water?

Yes, is that what you mean?

When I say in a few weeks,
Man the Becker, he is so of

soaking wet behind the ears, in no time,
he is again away from the window.

So! Why doesn't he copy the shit
now here?

Listen, I've had enough,
for two hours we sit here around.

Ah Birgit, yes, that uh,
that's about to start here.

Nah, we wanted to go at 12 o'clock.

Yes, but you are
not always soo punctual.

Keyword Tenerife?

Where we almost missed the flight,
because you still wanted to go to the hairdresser?

- Bernd, I soon can't do it anymore.
- Have I done something wrong again?

Oh dad, no, it's all right.

- I know, I can't go on like this....
- Nah dad, it's all good.

- I'll finish this and then go...
- Nah.

[Mrs. Stromberg] I'll go eat something,
and you keep an eye on him.

You do something now, too!

I need to get some fresh air.

And then I drive. And...

sometimes I could really...

Uh, Mr. Stromberg, because of the seating plan
about Tanja and me, I wanted to ask you...


When the pear is mushy,

You don't need any more.
to start your career.

Yeah, that's right!

Drink your tea, it's getting cold.

I may have ten good years left.
And then I'll start like this.

Until then I should have
have made it if possible.

And just because such a young Mr. Becker,
such a baker's boy,

here baring his milk teeth,
there I'll have no weaknesses...

Yet I'm still fully there.

As I said.

You can not always
put up with everything.

Should I hit Stromberg now
because we are not allowed to sit together?

- Oh Ulf...
- [mimics Tanja] Oh Ulf...

When things are going badly,
then I'm always Ulf.

Yes, isn't it? Tanja.

Becker, good day!

Becker, hello.

- Mr. Becker, hello.
- Ah Mr... Hold on.

- Lehnhoff, right?
- That's right.

I still have to remember the names.

Yes, good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

I'll give a little introduction in a moment.

There are no appetizers,
but a few warm words.

I just have to do a very quick...

Mr. Stromberg?

What is it? Oh, Mr. Becker.
Yes, here is just a bit....

It has... fell out of my hand.

The... what's his name?

Tea. The tea.
The whole cup of tea, bang, just....

I wanted to say a few sentences,
will you come to that?

I have actually
already said everything, Mr. uh, Becker.

That was actually
not meant as a question, Mr. Stromberg.

- In ten minutes.
- Mhm.

So, and now here is... uh...

Keep eating that and then it's good.

- So, good day.
- Hello Mr. Becker.

Nice to see you, my name
is Timo Becker. I'm the new guy here.

I guess we will see each other
see each other more often in the near future.

I was at the head office for six years,
responsible for project coordination.

- Mr. Stromberg, welcome.
- Yes, I was still responsible for small king...

Yes... Thank you, for the information.

So after that I was working for Capitol
in Zurich and Brussels.

Most recently I was in the department
Brand strategy and sales promotion.

Yes, in other words,
from your day-to-day business

your boss has no idea.

[relaxed laughter in the office]

Well then, here's to good cooperation.

[all applaud]

Then I will not keep you any longer
from your work any longer.

[clapping fades,
murmur of agreement]

If there's one thing I hate, it.
this pompous fuss here,

so I was in Zurich, in Brussels,
I was in Blablabla...

I've been to Brussels, too.


And they cook there also only
with very lukewarm water.

You should not hang your ass higher
than you can shit.

No shit yes, the Becker is.... uh.

Mr. Becker!
However, we are doing here just...

Mr. Stromberg, that we understand each other,
such behavior is not acceptable.

Huh? Why, what...

I saw what you did behind my back.
Behind my back have organized.

I will not tolerate
in my department.

- I... I...
- Did I make myself clear there?

I expect that in the foreseeable future there will be
a functioning seating arrangement...

Got it! Got it, that's all,
I just have to...

Yes, according to the old damage groups,
do you want to make a fool of yourself?

Do we get here now
uniforms as well, or what?

I just mean, so 'nen tone
I know only from Hitler's helpers.

And what else you can hear
on television... Birgit...

Yes, and, are you now ready?

Now is just quite bad,
because we are here in the middle of a...

Yes Bernd,
with you it's always just very bad.

- Mr. Stromberg, in my office.
- Mr. Becker, I...

We are going back home now.

Yes dad,
please put your jacket back on, will you?

I am always the strongest,
when everybody is against me.

Historically, yes, many.
have been burned at the stake.

But hindsight says:
"Oh, he was right after all."

Columbus, for example, who said:
"I'm going to America."

And everyone said, "No way.
Forget it, it's way too far."

and so on.
But he went there. Boom.

Yeah, and that's how I see myself.

He just comes in here and with me
the roof truss is on fire right now.

My father-in-law, ne?

Papa Lorenz! As I said,
I just take care

my father-in-law
and, of course, that's pretty intense.

This is Mr. Becker, you know him,
but this is Dr. Heinemann.

This is the administrative director.

- I was also with an insurance company.
- Yes, it's good.

And, of course, we don't want to
not just deport him to a home.

- Of course, it's not that easy.
- I often forget things.

Yes, is, yes exactly.

If that's why I'm so high in the... Dad!
So things like 'nen new seating plan

for the department put on the back burner,
then sorry...

- You have a completely pointless pla--
- But only temporarily,

until I have coordinated the new

But how are you going to
coordinate the new damage groups,

first of all, that is my task
and you are missing the K1 reports.

Nope, they are in my office.


Core documents
for our strategic orientation

are in your office?

Well, you were not there, weren't you?
And that's when they gave me the--

Yes, but they must be
be kept under lock and key!

Mr. Becker... I...

We took care of my father
also cared for at home, for four years.

So insofar I can understand you
understand you quite well, Mr. Stromberg.

And as far as the reports are concerned, well,
Mr. Stromberg won't eat them, after all.

Nah. The quarterly reports
taste better anyway.

Are there toilets here, too?

Yeah, it's... oh. Yes. Uh.

Come on dad, we'll go, we'll....

- 35 years.
- Yes. 35.

That's one hell of a long... come,
let's go pee together.

- Shall I go again?
- Nah, it's okay, it's okay.


I don't see the whole thing.
as a power struggle or anything, it's just...

Only at the moment it's 1:0 for me.

Quite objective.

Here, he is so the...
the Meckerbecker, yeah, I...

I studied, I was in Brussels,
I have blablabla.

And now the Becker bakes
so very small rolls, very small.

Nothing like the old school.

And I know this place
like a mother knows her children

and you are now, so to speak
the new father, second marriage,

the children have to
first get used to it.

But you don't learn such things in Brussels,
that is clear.

You will see what I have learned
learned in Brussels, Mr. Stromberg.

Let's get started here,
where should the good piece go?

- Oh, first there, into the confi.
- Confi, running.

Even as a boss you may
for the simple things

should not be too fine.
Hm, it's clear.

[A shredder rattles.]

I have worked for years
in an office like this.

Alliance, 35 years.

These are not the K1 reports now?

This, uh, this... Dad?

What, uh... what are you doing here?
What are you doing?

May I just have a quick word?

Don't! Please don't!

- Go out, please, it's all good....
- Yes, but...

- Just stay there!
- I just wanted to...

Oh my God...
They're confidential!

I told you over there before,
everything is confidential!

- Yes, I have 35 years...
- Yeah, 35 years. Uh, uh, come.